Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), developed by Dr. Albert Ellis in 1955, laid the foundation for the cognitive therapies. REBT is often taught in academic counseling programs and its techniques are still used by many therapists today.

Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis is a licensed psychologist from Australia, a licensed mental health counselor, a presenter and writer, and an adjunct professor at Columbia University in New York City. She is also the wife of the late Dr. Albert Ellis, and she is widely recognized as an expert on REBT. She presents on REBT throughout the United States and abroad and wrote the second edition of the book Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (2019).

On November 19, 2020, GoodTherapy will host Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis for a 2-hour continuing education webinar, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: The Compassionate, Pioneering Cognitive Psychotherapy, available with 2 CE credit hours. You can learn more or register for the webinar, here.

In this interview, Dr. Joffe Ellis answers common questions about REBT and shares her take on its impact.

1. REBT was developed in the 1950s by your late husband, Dr. Albert Ellis. How different and/or relevant is the model today?

REBT is imbued with common sense, wisdom, tools, and techniques for achieving greater well-being, tranquility, compassion, and humor. This approach, model, and framework–as both a powerful and empowering therapeutic approach and also a way of life–is timeless. In some ways it may be more relevant than ever today, when there appears to be unique stresses and challenges impacting people across the globe.

REBT is not essentially different today than it was back then. However, as the person who my husband entrusted to carry on his work, I continue to emphasize–perhaps more strongly–the importance and benefits of gratitude and unconditional acceptance along with REBT’s basic philosophy, tools, and techniques.

2. How does REBT work? Is it evidence-based?

“We are empowered with the knowledge that we can create and control our emotional destinies.”A major premise in REBT is that it is not events or challenges that create our resultant emotions, but what we tell ourselves about those events and challenges that create them. REBT teaches that when we think in healthy rational ways, we create healthy emotions; when we think in irrational, demanding, and dogmatic ways, then we create unhealthy or debilitating emotions. With awareness and motivation we have choice. We are empowered with the knowledge that we can create and control our emotional destinies–no matter how difficult our circumstances may be. REBT encourages people to make ongoing effort to create and maintain healthy and life-enhancing changes in their lives, and to that end, it provides a variety of cognitive, emotive, and behavioral techniques and tools.

REBT is scientific and evidence-based. Unfortunately, it appears to me that some younger students and professionals in the therapy field may be unaware that REBT heralded in the cognitive revolution in psychotherapy, or may wrongly think that REBT came after cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or is a branch of CBT. Those ideas are incorrect.

REBT was first presented to the psychotherapeutic community in the early-mid 1950s. Prior to REBT, Freud’s Psychoanalytic approach dominated the field of psychotherapy. CBT was presented some 15 years after REBT’s presence in the field. Dr. Aaron T. Beck, known as the father of CBT, has often acknowledged Dr. Albert Ellis for the influence of REBT on his work and the inspiration and help Ellis gave him when he was working on his early research on depression and additional areas. Some correspondence between them can be seen in the Ellis autobiography, All Out!. In addition to there being a good amount of evidence-based research on REBT’s efficacy, the research on CBT also validates REBT since CBT is based on the major premises of REBT.

3. You’ve presented on REBT around the world to other mental health professionals. What do you find resonates with other therapists about this approach?

A person working as a mental health professional, or in other professions related to healing, human care, and/or education, is as fallible a human as any individual in other professions, but they may be more prone to professional burnout than people in other professions. Therefore, many of the healing professionals I have presented REBT to connect with reminders or teachings about the importance of self-care; unconditional acceptance of themselves, of others, and of life; the benefits of striving to apply compassion to ourselves; and to “walk our talk” by doing our best to practice what we preach.

Whether applying it to themselves, their clients, or sharing it with friends and loved ones, I hear from other professionals that they enjoy the practicality of REBT and its simplicity, elegance, and humor. The desire for such elements, and enjoyment of them, is universal.

4. How does REBT compare or differ from other models of therapy? What makes it unique in your opinion?

In my view, REBT is the most holistic of all the models I know of. Whilst other approaches contain elements that are seen within REBT, none that I know of contain all of those elements. REBT is no-nonsense, practical, and do-able for vast numbers of people, and as mentioned earlier, it is imbued with compassion. It gives as strong and equal an emphasis on the importance of understanding emotions as it does on the importance of training ourselves to be in the habit of thinking in rational and life-enhancing ways.

REBT is unique in its focus on psychoeducation. In particular, teaching people how to, on their own, distinguish between rational and irrational thinking and between the healthy and unhealthy so-called ‘negative’ emotions. (‘Negative’ in this context does NOT mean bad, but indicates that they may be less pleasant than happy emotions, yet they are enriching and appropriate).

REBT is also unique in that it is both scientific and philosophical. It is humanistic to its core. A number of approaches that came after REBT, including some of those known as “Third Wave Cognitive Approaches,” are based on several of REBT’s principles. And REBT is believed by many to be the original contemporary ‘Mindfulness’ therapeutic approach. 

REBT also encourages self-sufficiency and empowerment, and it is an original ‘Self-Help’ approach. In addition to being contained in many forms of therapy, REBT elements can be at the foundation of coaching, executive coaching, and assertiveness training, and can be seen and heard to be enfolded into teachings of a variety of traditional and new age spiritual teachers.

5. What kind of concerns is REBT best-suited to help with?

REBT is proven to be effective in helping people with common everyday neuroses, as well as with complex disturbances and/or personality disorders. For the former group of people, short-term REBT therapy sessions can be marvelously effective, and REBT can become a way of life and living. For the latter group, longer-term help may be needed for successfully achieving therapeutic goals.

“REBT seeks to heal and change the root causes of disturbances, not simply to alleviate symptoms.” REBT has helped countless people suffering from disturbances and maladies that include addictive behaviors, obsessive-compulsive disorders, borderline personality, and posttraumatic stress. It seeks to heal and change the root causes of disturbances, not simply to alleviate symptoms.

6. What advice would you give a person in therapy who is trying REBT for the first time?

The advice, or rather encouragement, that I might give a client in therapy using REBT for the first time might include my urging them to reflect on their lives and the fact that our lives are filled with both probabilities and possibilities. I would encourage them to take time to cherish the power and opportunities they have, and if they choose to embrace and apply them, to craft a marvelous life:

• in which they experience daily gratitude,
• in which they apply their ability to adopt an attitude of realistic optimism and create healthy emotions–no matter how challenging the circumstances,
• in which they can also choose to help other people, animals, the environment, and/or other causes that enrich their lives and make the world a healthier place,
• in which they can focus each day on what is positive and good.

I would remind them that, with ongoing effort, change is not only possible, but inevitable. The choice and power to live a great and meaningful life is both achievable and in their hands!

Find a Therapist Near You

If you want to hear more from Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis about REBT–its theory, principles, and common techniques–you can register for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: The Compassionate, Pioneering Cognitive Psychotherapy, a 2-hour online continuing education presentation on November 19, 2020.

References:

1. Ellis, Albert & Ellis, Debbie Joffe (2019). Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. 2nd Edition. Washington DC: American Psychological Association.

Romantic relationships demand a lot: each partner must find a way to support and nurture the other’s needs while identifying and asserting their own needs.

When one person in a couple experiences stress, that stress can affect their partner and the relationship. Factor in kids, jobs, and financial entanglement, and it’s easy to see why so many people struggle in their relationships.

There’s no right way to be part of a couple. No matter what challenges your relationship faces, therapy can help you identify your needs. In couples counseling, you’ll work with your therapist to manage relationship challenges and address your needs in a way that’s consistent with your values.

Sometimes face-to-face therapy is not available or easy to access. Online couples therapy offers similar benefits to in-person therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting support at home. Here’s what you can expect from online counseling.

What is Online Couples Counseling?

Online couples counseling offers the same benefits of in-person counseling, but over the internet. You’ll use a secure platform to talk with your therapist—by video, in most cases. Couples usually meet with their therapist together, from the same location. However, online counseling can also be a good option for couples who live apart, or who are separated by military deployment, long-term hospitalization, or other barriers.

People who choose online therapy report similar levels of satisfaction with their treatment to those who choose in-person counseling.People who choose online therapy report similar levels of satisfaction with their treatment to those who choose in-person counseling. For some couples, online therapy may even mean the difference between accessing therapy to heal the relationship and getting no help at all.

Telemental health may be especially beneficial for:

• Couples with busy schedules.
• People who live in geographically isolated areas.
• People who find driving or going out in public stressful.
• Couples who do not want someone else to see them at a therapist’s office.
• Couples in which one or both partner has a disability that makes it more challenging to attend in-person therapy.

Does Online Couples Therapy Work?

Romantic relationships are a source of love and comfort. Many people rely on their partners to fill the role of best friend, mentor, financial partner, and co-parent. So when a relationship is struggling, many people feel as if their entire world has been upended. It’s easy to feel hopeless about couples therapy, especially if you feel like you’ve tried everything. But the research shows that couples therapy works. According to a 2015 analysis, couples therapy is most effective when therapists identify the goals of couples therapy; use standardized tools to assess progress; and systematically monitor both the progress of therapy and the quality of the therapeutic alliance.

Online therapy follows a similar model to traditional counseling. In fact, therapists can do nearly everything online that they can in person. It may take a little more time to get comfortable with one another, especially when there are technical difficulties. Quality online therapy on a good platform works well, and even allows the therapist to read subtle cues such as tone of voice and body language.

When to Avoid Online Couples Therapy

Online couples therapy is not for everyone. When there is domestic violence, most experts advise that the couple avoid joint therapy. That’s because therapy treats the partners as equals, each of whom has valid concerns. When there is violence, the partners do not contribute equally to the problems in the marriage, and the abusive partner may even use therapy to justify their violence. Moreover, traditional couples therapy aims to keep the couple together, and some therapists may even ask the couples to commit to a certain number of therapy sessions. This may cause a victim to remain in an abusive relationship longer, potentially endangering their life. The online context may make it easier to conceal abuse, intensifying the risk.

Some other signs online therapy may not be a good fit include:

• The couple can’t access the internet or only has very old computers or tablets, making it difficult to see or hear the therapist.
• One or both members of the couple distrusts technology and feels anxious about distance counseling.
• One or both members of the couple feel stressed or anxious in the family home, and prefer the environment of a therapy office.

Questions to Ask About Online Relationship Counseling

When searching for a couples therapist, it’s important to find someone who can offer specific details about their treatment philosophy. You can ask potential counselors the questions such as the following to see if they are a good fit for you:

• What therapeutic philosophy do you use? Can you show us research indicating this approach works?
• What is the goal of therapy? Are we working to decide whether to stay together, or is the goal to improve the relationship?
• How will we know therapy is working?
• What do we need to do outside of therapy sessions to improve our relationship?
• How long does therapy typically take?
• How much do you charge?
• Do you accept insurance or offer a superbill so we can seek insurance reimbursement?
• What do you do to ensure our privacy? Do you use an encrypted therapy platform?
• Will we share our ideas about what constitutes a healthy relationship?

What to Expect from Online Relationship Therapy

Most online counseling uses video so that you can talk, read one another’s body language, and create an experience similar to traditional counseling. During the first few sessions, you will work with your therapist to identify treatment goals, share the history of the relationship, and cultivate a sense of trust.

As therapy progresses, you’ll each talk about your issues in the relationship, then work to identify strategies to manage these issues. Your therapist may give you homework, ask you to notice specific feelings or behaviors in between therapy sessions, or encourage you to come to therapy prepared to talk about a recent dispute. In some cases, the therapist may recommend individual counseling to deal with issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety.

Your therapist should gently challenge each of you. If therapy is going well, you’ll be encouraged to confront unhealthy thoughts and feelings. Your therapist should also validate your emotions, and should not take sides—though they might offer insight on various conflicts, or help you identify unreasonable expectations. You should feel comfortable giving your therapist feedback, and the therapist should regularly assess and revisit treatment goals.

Finding the right therapist is key to seeing improvements in your relationship. A good therapist listens to your goals, helps you identify practical solutions, and helps both partners feel safe. Begin your search for a licensed therapist here.

Are you a therapist? Join GoodTherapy’s community today! We offer a secure telehealth platform for therapists powered by iSalus. Members also get access to our wide range of continuing education webinars and are listed in our popular online therapist directory. 

References:

1. Halford, W. K., Pepping, C. A., & Petch, J. (2015). The gap between couple therapy research efficacy and practice effectiveness. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 42(1), 32–44. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jmft.12120
2. Huffine, C. (1999). 12 reasons why couples counseling is not recommended when domestic violence is present. [PDF]. Retrieved from https://www.dhs.state.or.us/caf/dv/desktools/couples_counseling_12_reaso.pdf
3. Rickwood, D., Wallace, A., Kennedy, V., O’Sullivan, S., Telford, N., & Leicester, S. (2019). Young people’s satisfaction with the online mental health service eheadspace: development and implementation of a service satisfaction measure. JMIR Mental Health, 6(4). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6492057/

In a time when novelty and variety may be especially fashionable, it’s not surprising many people could view the idea of sticking to a routine as passé. However, consistently performing healthy behaviors might be the key not only to a calmer morning, but to improved mental health throughout your day.

Multiple studies have shown that establishing routines filled with healthy habits is a great way to move more efficiently through your day while expending less mental energy and even willpower in the process. A 2015 study on the psychology of habits demonstrated that people may rely more heavily on habits when stressed, suggesting that forming healthy routines could help people maintain physical, emotional, and mental health during stressful times.

How Much Time Do You Have in the Morning?

When building your morning routine, it’s important to consider how much time you have. Even if you only have 20 minutes to spare each morning, you can use that time to promote good mental health.

If you have a very limited amount of time in the morning, try identifying your biggest pain points or stressors as you move through your morning rather than seeking to cram a variety of activities and tasks into a small window of time. Then consider how forming a habit could help you mitigate those pain points. For instance, someone who routinely doesn’t have time for breakfast might plan and prepare their meals ahead of time so that a healthy option is always available to grab on their way out the door.

Having somewhere to be first thing in the morning doesn’t have to mean limited time for a morning routine. If you are a morning person or prefer to rise at an earlier hour than most, you may have more time to dedicate to a morning routine.

Those who have close to an hour or longer to dedicate to a morning routine might take a different route when choosing which habits will best support their well-being throughout the rest of the day. Someone might decide to dedicate more time to a physical activity and go for a walk or run, take an exercise class, or practice yoga. Spending more time on meditation, planning the rest of the day, or preparing a healthful meal might also be easier to accommodate with this schedule.

11 Building Blocks of a Morning Routine for Mental Health

Morning routines can vary depending on individual needs. What works for one person may be burdensome for another. Explore the building blocks of mental health friendly morning routines below and start thinking about what elements you could incorporate into your morning to enhance your well-being throughout the day.

1. Prepare

You’ve likely heard it before, but a successful morning routine is only as strong as the bedtime routine that came before it. Which aspects of your bedtime routine should you use to ensure the success of your morning routine? Try preparing what you’ll need, such as coffee, meals, or an outfit, the night before. Making sure your keys, bag, and other essentials are near the door, especially if you need to leave home first thing in the morning, can also help reduce stress and chaos.

A solid bedtime strategy often comes together with good sleep hygiene, and good sleep hygiene can help you get a more refreshing night of rest. Quality sleep, meanwhile, can help minimize symptoms of mental health issues like anxiety and even psychosis (while lack of sleep may exacerbate these symptoms), so your morning routine may only support your mental health to the extent that you slept well that night.

2. Let light in

Exposure to bright light first thing in the morning increases feelings of wakefulness. To clear away morning grogginess, try turning on a lamp or your bedroom lights, or take in some sunlight within the first 5 to 10 minutes of waking up in the morning.

Those who live in higher latitudes (father away from the equator) will experience more seasonal darkness. Individuals who live farther away from the equator have been shown to experience higher rates of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and sleep issues have been identified as a key factor in SAD. A morning routine may help individuals who experience more hours of darkness continue to feel awake each morning, even if the sun has not yet risen.

For those who routinely wake up before the sun has risen, blue light has been proven to help people feel awake in the morning. Using the right kind of light first thing in the morning could help decrease morning drowsiness and increase alertness more quickly.

3. Make your bed

It takes minutes to make a bed, but bed making is still a task which many people neglect. If aren’t currently in the habit of tidying up your bed each morning, you might want to reconsider. Surveys by Hunch.com and Sleepopolis have shown that the habit of making one’s bed are positively correlated with better sleep and an overall happier mood.

Now are people who are already happier and get better sleep also more likely to make their bed in the morning? Perhaps. But some experts argue that making one’s bed first thing in the morning is an effective way to boost your self-esteem. By completing a task first thing, you’ve boosted your own confidence in your ability to set things in order and may be more likely to continue that trend throughout the day.

4. Hydrate

According to a study published in Nutrition Reviews, dehydration can negatively impact cognitive function. As most of us wake up a little dehydrated after a night’s sleep, rehydrating first thing in the morning can help improve cognition. Dehydration has also been linked to fatigue as well as symptoms of low mood, including irritability and confusion.

While adequate hydration alone probably won’t cure mental health issues such as depression or anxiety, chronic dehydration also isn’t likely to make those conditions any easier to handle. Drinking water is a good way to hand yourself the energy to deal with the symptoms that come with many mental health issues.

5. Nourish

When asked what might be one of the best things someone could do for their mental health first thing in the morning, licensed mental health counselor Nicole Urdang, MS, NCC, DHM recommends getting something to eat. “Eating something within an hour or so of rising brings your blood sugar level up and prevents crankiness. You’ve been fasting all night. Eating something, especially something with complex carbs, fat and protein, will not only improve your mood, but will give you an energy boost to carry you through your morning activities,” she explains. “Never underestimate the power of a balanced blood sugar level throughout the day to help manage your mood.”

Many studies back this claim. A study published in the International Journal of Food Sciences and Nutrition found that those who ate breakfast daily were less depressed than the control group who did not eat breakfast every day. Those who ate breakfast also reported lower levels of stress. Another study found a link between the regular consumption of breakfast cereal and lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

Research also continues to tell us that while breakfast is an important meal, what’s more important may be what it’s made of. Boost the benefits of eating breakfast by incorporating some protein, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates. Nuts, yogurt, and eggs have been shown to support mental health in those who experience anxiety, for example.

6. Write down what you’re grateful for

Research shows that gratitude can increase an individual’s happiness, improve relationships, and enhance one’s sense of well-being. A study described in the University of California Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine demonstrated that even dedicating a short amount of time to gratitude each day can help improve symptoms for those who experience mental health issues.

To start your day off with a grateful mindset, try writing down three things you’re grateful for, and keep them present in your mind as you start your day. Even when you keep your list private, studies suggest you’re very likely to benefit from the practice of fostering gratitude.

7. Motivate

Motivation plays a science-backed role in reducing sleepiness and promoting wakefulness. When motivation is hard to come by, getting out of bed can be difficult. If you routinely struggle with the will to get out of bed first thing in the morning (and you’re already getting adequate sleep), consider adding something to your routine that adds a spark of joy and motivation—something that helps pull you out of bed and boost your mood. This could be anything from an activity you enjoy, such as walking a dog, to a new type of coffee you’re excited to try.

Some individuals with depression may experience diurnal mood variation, also known as morning depression. This depression symptom can, in many cases, make it incredibly difficult to get out of bed in the morning. If you think depression may be preventing you from summoning the motivation to get out of bed in the morning, it may be time to talk to a mental health professional.

8. Avoid technology

While technology can be used strategically to enhance a person’s mood and mental health, smartphone use in particular can easily become a compulsive behavior that erodes rather than fortifies mental well-being. Research has found that problematic smartphone use is linked to increased anxiety and depression.

Consider avoiding or cutting down on the time you spend looking at a smartphone screen first thing in the morning. Doing so may help increase your mental clarity and sense of purpose for the day while shielding you from information about news stories, politics, or social media drama, which can often contribute to a low mood.

9. Meditate

Morning meditation can help you center yourself for the rest of the day and has many proven mental health benefits. Even 15 minutes of daily meditation can produce the same stress-relieving effects in the body as taking a vacation. Meditation has also been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and even pain.

If you have time, try a 5 to 15-minute meditation as one of your first morning activities. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Set a timer for the time you have to meditate that day. Then meditate. One popular way to meditate is to close your eyes and focus on the present and on your breaths. Many people also use guided meditations to get started.

10. Make a list

Writing a to-do list at the beginning of your day can help you plan what you need to get done and more effectively organize and execute the tasks on your list. Often, we have so much to do that we can’t hold it in our minds all at once, and the idea of forgetting an obligation can be anxiety-inducing. Take a couple minutes to jot down your goals for the day, and you won’t need to worry about forgetting to do anything on the list!

List-writing works by reducing chaos and lending structure to your day, as well as support for your memory. To write an effective list, start with your top objectives for the day. Keep it small, realistic, and focused–monitor negative self-talk and watch out for tasks that aren’t necessary or contribute to distraction. Organize yourself around your values and goals and seek to channel your best “you.”

11. Physical activity

For those with busy schedules, getting moving first thing in the morning is one good way to make sure they get exercise that day. As exercise is proven to have a positive effect on mood and can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, it’s something to consider prioritizing. While your physical activity can include a morning run, it doesn’t have to. If you’re short on time, even stretching and some jumping-jacks can give you a chance to get your blood flowing.

Exercise releases endorphins, which can help reduce stress and anxiety; in the morning, this can contribute to a sense of calm that helps guide the first part of your day.

Whether you have 5 spare minutes or multiple hours each morning, a routine can help individuals set themselves up for better mental health throughout the day. Choose morning activities that allow you to work with rather than against yourself. And if you find you’re struggling with mental health symptoms that interfere with your well-being and daily activities, reach out to a licensed and compassionate mental health professional.

References:

1. Berwick, C. (2017, August 30). 9 really good reasons to exercise early in the morning. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/9-really-good-reasons-exercise-early-morning-ncna795656
2. Choi, K., Shin, C., Kim, T., Chung, H. J., & Suk, H. (2019, January 23). Awakening effects of blue-enriched morning light exposure on university students’ physiological and subjective responses. Scientific Reports, 9(1). doi: 10.1038/s41598-018-36791-5
3. Chunn, L. (2017, May 10). The psychology of the to-do list—Why your brain loves ordered tasks. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/10/the-psychology-of-the-to-do-list-why-your-brain-loves-ordered-tasks
4. Ferrer-Cascales, R., Sánchez-SanSegundo, M., Ruiz-Robledillo, N., Albaladejo-Blázquez, N., Laguna-Pérez, A., & Zaragoza-Martí, A. (2018, August 19). Eat or skip breakfast? The important role of breakfast quality for health-related quality of life, stress and depression in Spanish adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15(8), 1781. doi: 10.3390/ijerph15081781
5. Freeman, D., Sheaves, B., Goodwin, G. M., Yu, L., Nickless, A., Harrison, P. J., Emsley, R., Luik, A., et al. (2017). The effects of improving sleep on mental health (OASIS): A randomised controlled trial with mediation analysis. The Lancet Psychiatry, 4(10), 749-758. doi: 10.1016/S2215-0366(17)30328-0
6. Gocłowska, M. A., Ritter, S. M., Elliot, A. J. & Baas, M. (2018, June 11). Novelty seeking is linked to openness and extraversion, and can lead to greater creative performance. Journal of Personality, 87(2), 252-266. doi: 10.1111/jopy.12387
7. Improve your mood every day: Just eat breakfast. (2017, May 17). Retrieved from https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/blog/improve-your-mood-just-eat-breakfast
8. Leproult, R., Colecchia, E. F., L’Hermite-Balériaux, M., & Cauter, E. (2001, January 1). Transition from dim to bright light in the morning induces an immediate elevation of cortisol levels. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 86(1), 151-157. Retrieved from https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/86/1/151/2841140
9. May, C. J., Ostafin, B. D., & Snippe, E. (2018, August 23). The relative impact of 15-minutes of meditation compared to a day of vacation in daily life: An exploratory analysis. The Journal of Positive Psychology. doi: 10.1080/17439760.2019.1610480
10. Popkin, B. M., D’Anci, K. E., & Rosenberg, I. H. (2010). Water, hydration, and health. Nutrition Reviews, 68(8), 439-458. doi: 10.1111/j.1753-4887.2010.00304.x
11. Rowley, J. A. (2006, September 14). Measuring the ability to stay awake: Role of motivation. Sleep and Breathing, 10(4), 171-172. doi: 10.1007/s11325-006-0071-0
12. Rozgonjuk, D., Levine, J. C., Hall, B. J., & Elhai, J. D. (2018). The association between problematic smartphone use, depression and anxiety symptom severity, and objectively measured smartphone use over one week. Computers in Human Behavior, 87, 10-17. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218302450
13. Sharma, H. (2015). Meditation: Process and effects. An International Quarterly Journal of Research in Ayurveda, 36(3), 233-237. doi: 10.4103/0974-8520.182756
14. Singh, M. (2018, December 24). If you feel thankful, write it down. It’s good for your health. National Public Radio (NPR). Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/24/678232331/if-you-feel-thankful-write-it-down-its-good-for-your-health
15. Smith, A. P. (2009, July 6). Breakfast and mental health. International Journal of Food Sciences and Nutrition, 49(5), 397-402. doi: 10.3109/09637489809089415
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17. Stinson, A. (2018, September 14). The benefits of making your bed every day are actually worth the effort, survey shows. Retrieved from https://www.elitedaily.com/p/the-benefits-of-making-your-bed-every-day-are-actually-worth-the-effort-survey-shows-11921745
18. Stoewen, D. L. (2017). Dimensions of wellness: Change your habits, change your life. Canadian Veterinary Journal, 58(8), 861-862. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5508938
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Some people use the words “isolation” and “loneliness” interchangeably, but this does not reflect the true meaning of each term. Isolation may lead to loneliness, and in some cases, loneliness may exacerbate isolation. Both have been found to occur with other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression.

Knowing how loneliness and isolation are distinct and related can help people who struggle with them best address and work through these issues. Here are a few things to know about handling loneliness and social isolation in your life.

The Difference Between Isolation and Loneliness

Social isolation occurs when a person has little or no contact with other people. It can occur over long or short periods of time and is a distinctly physical state. Isolation specifically may be characterized by:

• Staying home most or all of the time
• Refusing interpersonal interaction
• Avoiding social situations

Isolation can have many negative emotional effects, including increased sadness, restlessness, and loneliness. While isolation can cause loneliness, the two don’t always occur together. People may find themselves socially isolated regularly as a side effect of an isolating mental health issue such as social anxiety or agoraphobia. For example, someone with agoraphobia may feel too anxious to leave their house on some days.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is an emotional state. It’s defined as feeling alone or separate from others, or as feeling empty. Loneliness may accompany social isolation but can be caused by other things, including breakups or divorce, moving to a new location, or the death of a close friend or loved one. Someone who has difficulty making friends may also experience frequent loneliness. In the case of mental health, loneliness can accompany depression, anxiety, and many addictions and phobias.

Does Isolation Cause Loneliness?

There are some cases in which isolation can lead to loneliness. Sometimes not being around others for long periods of time can make people feel intensely alone. For example, if someone works from home, they may spend all day alone in their house without much social contact, in which case they may experience feelings of loneliness. Bullying or the experience of being alienated from a social group is also likely to bring about feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness can sometimes lead to isolation. People who feel lonely for long periods of time may have a hard time engaging with others in social situations. If it seems too difficult to reach out to others or if a fear of rejection has taken hold, people may isolate themselves to deal with their loneliness. The isolation-loneliness cycle often feeds into itself but does not offer respite or relief to the people stuck in it.

In some cases, isolation and feelings of loneliness may occur simultaneously without one being caused by the others. This typically means that other social, psychological, or mental health-related factors may be involved.

How Isolation and Loneliness Affect Mental Health

Isolation has been shown in studies to affect people with mental health issues. In some cases, such as when people have anxiety or depression, isolation can aggravate what may already feel like an intense symptom. This could be particularly true when the depression and anxiety are usually alleviated by social contact.

Prolonged loneliness can even lead to health problems. Too much time alone has been shown to impact cognitive development in young people and lead to poor physical health habits. Sometimes feeling lonely for a long time can make people feel that taking care of themselves isn’t worth the effort, and they may give up eating well or exercising.

Some other effects of isolation and loneliness to look out for may include:

Loneliness may accompany social isolation but can be caused by other things, including breakups or divorce, moving to a new location, or the death of a close friend or loved one.

• Risk-taking behavior
• Disrupted sleep patterns
• Increased stress
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Altered brain function
• Suicidal thoughts or behavior

When Isolation and Loneliness Are Symptoms

Sometimes loneliness and/or isolation present as primary symptoms of a mental health issue. For example, if someone suddenly begins to pull away from friends and family, this could indicate that a number of potential issues. They could have depression or an eating disorder, or they may be affected by an abusive relationship. Isolation may be a first sign of many mental health issues, so identifying the unique context of each situation is key in order to understand it.

Loneliness and isolation can be symptoms of the following mental health issues, among others:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Posttraumatic stress (PTSD)
• Bipolar
• Borderline personality

Risk Factors for Isolation and Loneliness

Just as with any other issue, some people may be more susceptible to isolation and loneliness than others, although anyone can become isolated or feel lonely. People who have recently had traumatic life changes, who live in tumultuous home environments, or who have witnessed or experienced domestic violence or abuse may be more prone to both loneliness and isolation.

For example, a person who’s recently been divorced and has moved to a new neighborhood may feel the absence of their former partner and community, causing them to be lonely. Additionally, an elderly person whose spouse has died may be isolated in their day-to-day life, which may lead to loneliness and poor health.

People who live in abusive homes may isolate themselves because the shame of their environment makes them think they can’t talk with others about their life. They may also feel intensely lonely if they become worried no one will be able to relate to their life experiences.

Getting Help

If you’re feeling lonely or experience isolation for long periods of time, it may help to reach out to a licensed mental health professional who can offer support as you work through those struggles. Not addressing prolonged loneliness and isolation can negatively impact your physical and mental well-being.

If there is a deeper mental health issue causing your feelings of loneliness or isolation, a therapist can help treat that issue and put you on the path to your best self. Remember that you are not alone and there is never shame in asking for help.

References:

1. Cherry, K. (2018, November 20). What you should know about loneliness. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749
2. Ge, L., Heng, B. H., Ong, R., & Yap, C. (2017, August 23). Social isolation, loneliness and their relationships with depressive symptoms: A population-based study. PLOS One. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0182145
3. Hawthorne, G. (2008). Perceived social isolation in a community sample: Its prevalence and correlates with aspects of peoples’ lives. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 43(2), 140-150. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-007-0279-8
4. How to cope with loneliness. (2016). Retrieved from https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#.WzV1gxJKiRs
5. Stickley, A., Koyanagi, A., Koposov, R., Schwab-Stone, M., & Ruchkin, V. (2014). Loneliness and health risk behaviours among Russian and U.S. adolescents: A cross-sectional study. BMC Public Health, 14, 366. Retrieved from http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-2458/14/366
6. What is loneliness doing to your brain? (2018, June 27). Retrieved from https://www.seeker.com/videos/health/what-is-loneliness-doing-to-your-brain
7. Williams, Y. (n.d.). Social isolation: Definition, causes, and effects. Retrieved from https://study.com/academy/lesson/social-isolation-definition-causes-effects.html

Social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder share some common features, but they are separate mental health conditions. Because the two conditions appear similar in many ways, it’s not uncommon for people to mistake one for the other.

Sometimes simply getting help is more important than having a specific diagnosis. But some people also find it beneficial to know what’s affecting them. In some cases, the best approach to treatment differs for separate mental health issues, so misdiagnosis can affect treatment and make it harder for a person to improve.

Social anxiety, or social phobia, is a specific type of anxiety characterized by a fear of social situations. People with social anxiety worry about embarrassing themselves in public or doing something that will cause others to judge them negatively. It’s fairly common for people to feel nervous about doing something embarrassing in public, but the feelings of fear and anxiety that occur with social phobia can become so distressing they cause difficulty at work, school, or other parts of daily life. About 75% of people with social anxiety are between the ages of 8 and 15 when diagnosed.

Avoidant personality disorder is a cluster C personality disorder. Personality disorders are a specific kind of mental health issue where patterns of thought and behavior affect daily life, and those with personality disorders often experience difficulty in professional and personal life because they have a hard time understanding other people and common situations.

Levana Slabodnick, LISW-S, a therapist in Columbus, Ohio, notices one difference between social anxiety and avoidant personality may lie in how a person views their own experience. She explains, “A fundamental difference between social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder relates to how the sufferer perceives their own pain. Those with anxiety understand on a basic level that their anxiety is irrational and that the world doesn’t judge them as harshly as they judge themselves. Those with APD, on the other hand, lack this insight. They hold deep rooted feelings of insecurity and worthlessness that they believe to be factual.”

People with avoidant personality often feel socially awkward and inferior to others. They tend to be very sensitive to criticism and rejection and often avoid making friends or participating in social events unless they are sure of their welcome. Feelings of shame or self-loathing are more strongly associated with avoidant personality than social anxiety. This condition is not often diagnosed in children, though it often develops in childhood.

Avoidant Personality Disorder vs. Social Anxiety

Social anxiety and avoidant personality share an intense fear of being embarrassed or judged in social situations. People might describe a person with either condition as shy, timid, awkward, or fearful.

Fear associated with these conditions can present in many ways, such as:

• Avoiding social situations
• Avoiding interactions with strangers
• Low self-esteem
• Shyness or timidity around other people
• Isolation from others or complete social withdrawal

Debate over whether avoidant personality is a more severe type of social anxiety exists among mental health experts. According to the fifth edition of the DSM, these issues are often diagnosed together and can overlap to the point where they might seem like different presentations of the same concern. But while an avoidant personality typically involves patterns of avoidance in most or all areas of life, social anxiety may only involve avoidance in a few specific situations. The DSM continues to categorize them separately.

Debate over whether avoidant personality is a more severe type of social anxiety exists among mental health experts.

The two issues continue to share similarities when it comes to risk factors. Genetic and environmental factors can contribute to the development of either condition. Avoidance can be a learned response. People might begin to avoid social situations after a negative experience, for example. Being shy as a child can also increase the likelihood that a person will go on to develop social anxiety or an avoidant personality, though being shy does not necessarily mean a person will develop either issue for certain.

Experiencing abuse, trauma, bullying, or other negative events in childhood can increase the risk for both social anxiety and avoidant personality. But neglect, particularly physical neglect, is a significant risk factor for avoidant personality. A 2015 study comparing the two conditions found that having disinterested caregivers, feeling rejected by caregivers, or not having enough affection in childhood was more common in people with avoidant personalities.

Certain risk factors do differ between the two conditions:

• Some research has suggested that an avoidant personality may be more likely when someone’s physical appearance changes after illness.
• Research suggests brain structure may contribute to anxiety. If your amygdala, which is believed to help regulate your response to fear, is very active, you may experience greater anxiety in certain situations than other people do.
• Having a parent or sibling with social anxiety makes it 2-6 times more likely a person will develop the condition, according to the DSM-5.

Should I Get Treatment for Social Anxiety or APD?

Therapy is generally recommended for both avoidant personality and social anxiety. Only a mental health professional can diagnose mental health issues. If you think you might have symptoms of either avoidant personality or social anxiety, making an appointment with a qualified therapist or counselor can be a good place to start.

Letting any potential counselors know your particular symptoms and describing your specific experience can help them decide whether they’re qualified to help you. Not every therapist has experience treating every mental health condition, but an ethical therapist will always let you know if they think another therapist might be more helpful.

Social anxiety is often treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This therapy helps you identify thoughts that cause distress and affect you negatively. Once you identify them, you learn how to change them. You can do CBT alone, but some people find group therapy helpful.

Exposure-based CBT is a specific approach to CBT where you slowly expose yourself to feared situations. This approach often involves skills practice or role-playing techniques, both of which can help people get more comfortable interacting with others in the safe space of therapy.

According to a 2015 study, performing random acts of kindness for others led to a decrease in symptoms of social anxiety in study participants after 4 weeks.

While therapy can have great benefit, sometimes social anxiety doesn’t improve right away. If you are working with a counselor and still experience significant difficulty in your daily life, a psychiatrist may recommend medication, such as:

• SSRIs like Paxil or Zoloft
• SNRIs like Effexor XR
• Antidepressants
• Anti-anxiety medications

Anxiety medication can help relieve some symptoms of social anxiety, but it’s a good idea to continue with therapy at the same time, as therapy helps you learn how to cope with what you’re experiencing. This can have a more lasting effect on your symptoms.

Many people believe personality disorders are not treatable, but this isn’t the case. They can be difficult to treat, especially if you’ve had symptoms for a long time. But therapy can still be very helpful. People with avoidant personality often seek treatment when they experience loneliness and distress as a result of being unable to participate in social events.

Research has shown people with avoidant personality may do better in therapy if they have the support of family members.

Any kind of talking therapy can be helpful for avoidant personality. CBT is commonly used to treat this condition, but other helpful approaches include family and group therapy. Research has shown people with avoidant personality may do better in therapy if they have the support of family members. Group therapy can help people learn how to develop relationship and communication skills in a safe space, and it’s often recommended for treating personality disorders.

There’s no specific medication used to treat avoidant personality. However, antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications may help relieve some severe symptoms.

Conclusion

Social anxiety and avoidant personality have some similarities, and some approaches to treatment may be similar. Regardless of which condition you have, therapy can help. It’s important to reach out for help if you’re struggling with social situations. When social anxiety or avoidant personality go untreated, complications like depression, isolation, and substance abuse can develop. Some people may experience significant loneliness and distress.

Talking to a therapist can help you get a diagnosis. But you’ll also begin to learn ways to cope with the feelings you experience and explore methods of overcoming these feelings. Therapy can help you become more used to the company of others. In time, you may find it easier to participate in social situations.

If you need help finding a counselor in your area, our therapist directory is a good place to start. Remember, you aren’t alone!

References:

1. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fifth edition. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association. 103-110.
2. Anxiety disorders. (2017, December 15). Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9536-anxiety-disorders
3. Avoidant personality disorder. (2017, November 20). Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9761-avoidant-personality-disorder
4. Eikenaes, I., Egeland, J., Hummelen, B., & Wilberg, T. (2015, March 27). Avoidant personality disorder versus social phobia: The significance of childhood neglect. PLoS One, 10(5). doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0122846
5. Kvarnstorm, E. (2016, April 6). Avoidant personality disorder goes beyond social anxiety. Bridges to Recovery. Retrieved from https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/avoidant-personality-disorder-goes-beyond-social-anxiety
6. Lampe, L. (2016). Avoidant personality disorder as a social anxiety phenotype: Risk factors, associations and treatment. Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 29(1), 64-69. doi: 10.1097/YCO.0000000000000211
7. Personality disorders. (2016, September 23). Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463
8. Smith, K. (2018, November 19). Avoidant personality disorder. Retrieved from https://www.psycom.net/avoidant-personality-disorder
9. Social anxiety disorder (social phobia). (2017, August 29). Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561
10. Trew, J. L., & Alden, L. E. (2015, June 5). Kindness reduces avoidance goals in socially anxious people. Motivation and Emotion, 39(6), 892–907. Retrieved from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11031-015-9499-5

While many people are much more aware of anxiety now than in the past, some details and symptoms still aren’t as commonly discussed.

One lesser-known symptom of anxiety is the urge to self-harm. Not all or even most people who experience anxiety will have these urges, and there are people who self-harm who do not struggle with anxiety. Yet, when anxiety and self-harm co-occur, it may be crucial to a person’s well-being and safety to identify the issue in order to connect with help.

Can Anxiety Cause Self-Harm?

It’s very possible for anxiety to spark urges to self-harm. Self-harm is frequently associated with a sense of release from overwhelming emotions or situations in those who engage in the behavior. Since anxiety is characterized by a sense of feeling overwhelmed or worried about not being able to handle life situations, self-harm acts can bring relief from anxious feelings. While anxiety does not always lead to self-harm, studies have shown people who engage in self-harm are more likely to experience anxiety and vice-versa.

Types of Anxiety That May Lead to Self-Harm

Certain types of anxiety may be more likely to lead to self-harm than others:

• Social anxiety: This type of anxiety is characterized by an intense fear or worry of being judged by others. Studies have shown that this type of anxiety has a high likelihood of leading to self-harm behaviors.
• Generalized anxiety: General anxiety is a constant sense of worry or stress in the long-term that doesn’t seem to have one specific cause. This type of anxiety has also been shown to have a higher chance of leading to self-harm behaviors.

While obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) was once listed as an anxiety disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the DSM-5 lists it as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Although OCD is now technically in a different category than anxiety, is may frequently co-occur with anxiety and has been known to cause self-harm.

One type of OCD, known as harm OCD, can cause intense fear of hurting oneself or others. While this anxiety about harming oneself may be severe and vivid, those with harm OCD are thought to be no more likely to act on their thoughts of self-harm than someone without harm OCD.

Why Is Anxiety Connected to Self-Harm?

Anxiety is frequently accompanied by overwhelming feelings of worry, racing thoughts, and sometimes panic attacks. This can make people with anxiety feel they’ve completely lost control of their minds and bodies. They may turn to self-harm in order to focus their mind outside of their racing thoughts or worries, or they may use it as a way to regain feeling if they’ve begun to feel numb from long-term anxiety.

Alternatively, self-harm is sometimes used out of anger. People with anxiety may feel frustrated or mad at themselves for not being able to keep their anxious thoughts under control or that they can’t “fix” themselves. In this case, self-harm may not be done for the purpose of relief, but as self-inflicted punishment. Self-harm used in anger can be especially damaging, as it isn’t a coping mechanism, but a sign of deeper emotional struggle.

Self-harming thoughts often lead to self-harming behaviors in an effort to either feel relief, feel pain, or punish oneself.

Angela Avery, MA, LLPC, NCC, a therapist in Clarkston, Michigan, notices that self-harm may tend to occur with social anxiety. She explains,

“In my clinical practice with teenagers, I often see self-harming behaviors co-occur with social anxiety. Those who experience social anxiety are afraid that they will be judged by others and often that belief is validated because they lack social skills and social confidence to create friendships or engage with others.

When you feel like no one is your friend, and you are too afraid to speak to anyone, you tend to feel poorly about yourself. Low self-worth then leads to self-critical, irrational thoughts presuming we are “bad” and “stupid” and “no one likes us.” Self-harming thoughts often lead to self-harming behaviors in an effort to either feel relief, feel pain, or punish oneself.

I tend to view harming behaviors as coping strategies of choice for people who view themselves with a severely critical eye. Add in a sprinkling of social anxiety or limited social skills and we have a combination for continued harm.”

It’s important to note that anxiety can lead to multiple forms of self-harm that aren’t always what people typically think of. The stereotyping around self-harm as a form of “attention seeking” or something people do when they’re into a certain type of music has deeply damaged our society’s ability to recognize self-harming behaviors in some cases.

Anxiety and Personality Disorders As a Cause of Self-Harm

In addition to anxiety, some some studies show that certain personality disorders may have a higher likelihood of leading to self-harm. Some of these disorders are closely linked to anxiety and may co-occur, and some can lead to self-harming behaviors independent of anxious thoughts or feelings.

Some disorders that have been linked to self-harm include:

• Borderline personality
• Schizophrenia
• Dependent personality
• Avoidant personality

At the end of the day, regardless of the cause, people who are engage in destructive self-harming behavior should not try to overcome these patterns alone. They’re a maladaptive coping mechanism, and while they can be painful and scary, there is hope. With the help of a licensed mental health professional and plenty of love and encouragement from friends and family, people can learn to manage their anxiety and overcome their self-harm behaviors.

References:

1. Bhandari, S. (2018, February 21). Mental health and self-injury. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/self-injuring-hurting#1
2. Bolton, J., Chartrand, H., Sareen, K., & Toews, M. (2011, September 21). Suicide attempts versus nonsuicidal self‐injury among individuals with anxiety disorders in a nationally representative sample. Depression and Anxiety, 29(3), 172-179. doi: 10.1002/da.20882
3. Klonsky, E. D., Oltmanns, T., Turkheimer, E. (2003, August 1). Deliberate self-harm in a nonclinical population: Prevalence and psychological correlates. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 160(8), 1501-1508. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.160.8.1501
4. Living with harm OCD: What’s going on? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/harm-ocd
5. O’Connor, R., Rasmussen, S., & Hawton, K. (2009). Predicting depression, anxiety and self-harm in adolescents: The role of perfectionism and acute life stress. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 84(1), 52-59. doi: 10.1016/j.brat.2009.09.008
6. Pierce, L. (2018, April 21). OCD, Self Injury, and Suicidal Thoughts. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/ocd-self-injury-and-suicidal-thoughts-2510599
7. Self-harm. (2018, May 25). Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/self-harm

Every January since 2004, National Stalking Awareness Month has taken place to raise awareness of the impact stalking can have on its victims. Below are some stalking statistics and facts that highlight just how detrimental stalking can be to a person’s safety, mental health, and emotional well-being.

If you are being stalked, stay alert and reach out for help. Making sure trusted friends or family members know about the situation is a good idea, as is documenting any evidence of the stalking and reporting the incident to your local law enforcement.

Stalking Statistics: The Big Picture

• 6 to 7.5 million people may be stalked in the United States each year.
• 1.8 years is the average length of a stalking episode.
• 37% of people who are stalked meet the diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• People who are stalked report more cases of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues than the rest of the population.

Statistical Risk Factors for Being Stalked

• 50% of victims report being stalked before age 25, making 18 to 24 the highest-risk age group for being stalked.
• 24.5% of stalking victims in the U.S. are Native American while 22.4% are multiracial, according the the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
• 11% of mental health professionals have been stalked.
• 3.4% of stalking victims are separated or divorced.

How Stalking Impacts Victims

• 1 in 5 people change their daily routine due to being stalked.
• 1 in 6 people change their phone number as a result of stalking.
• 1 in 7 people are forced to move after being stalked.
• 1 in 8 people who are employed are impacted at their jobs or lose time at work because of stalking. Another study from the Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that this number is much higher, with over half of those stalked being affected at work.

Stalking on College Campuses

• 7% to 28% of college students report being stalked.
• 40% of college students responded to a poll saying they had engaged in at least one type of stalking after the end of a relationship.
• Up to 80% of people stalked on a college campus may know who their stalker is.

Stalking and the Justice System

• 50% or fewer of all stalking cases may be reported to the police.
• 16.5% of domestic violence reports included stalking, according to one study.
• Fewer than 1 out of 3 states count stalking as a felony when it’s a first offense.

Facts About Stalkers

• 1 in 5 stalking incidents involve a weapon used by the stalker.
• Stalkers are often acquaintances or former partners.
• 66% of stalkers target their victim at least once a week.

It’s normal for stalking to cause strong feelings of fear, anxiety, and even anger in those who are targeted. Working with a compassionate therapist can help you overcome trauma and other mental health impacts of stalking.

References:

1. Ngo, F. (2018). Same-sex and opposite-sex stalking in the United States: An exploration of the correlates of informal and formal coping strategies of the victims. International Journal of Criminal Justice Sciences, 1(13), 230-246. doi: 10.5281/zenodo.1403433
2. Stalking fact sheet. (n.d.). Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center. Retrieved from https://www.stalkingawareness.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/SPARC_StalkngFactSheet_2018_FINAL.pdf
3. Stalking. (2017, July 24). Bureau of Justice Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=973
4. Stalking. (2016). The National Center for Victims of Crime. Retrieved from https://ovc.ncjrs.gov/ncvrw2016/content/section-6/PDF/2016NCVRW_6_Stalking-508.pdf
5. Stalking statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://sites.jcu.edu/vpac/pages/educate-yourself/stalking/stalking-statistics
6. Tjaden, P., & Thoennes, N. (2000). The role of stalking in domestic violence crime reports generated by the Colorado Springs Police Department. Violence and Victims, 15(4), 427-441. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11288939
7. Quick guide to stalking: 16 important statistics, and what you can do about it. (2017, January 30). National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). Retrieved from https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/quick-guide-to-stalking-16-important-statistics-and-what-you-can-do-about-it
8. West, S. G., & Hatters-Friedman, S. (2008, August 10). These boots are made for stalking: Characteristics of female stalkers. Psychiatry (Edgemont), 5(8), 37-42. Retrieved from http://innovationscns.com/these-boots-are-made-for-stalking-characteristics-of-female-stalkers

Kindness is a trait many people consider key to being a “good person,” but it can be taken for granted. The importance of being kind often becomes clearer when we experience kindness from another person.

Being treated with kindness can improve a person’s mood. In addition, treating others with kindness may increase happiness and self-esteem in the person doing the action. This may even start a chain reaction of kindness among a group!

The following quotes highlight the impact kindness and compassion may have. While the idea of kindness may seem trite to some, its effects when in action can be quite powerful. Spread some kindness and positivity by sharing one of these quotes with your friends on Facebook and Twitter. Or keep one as a reminder to yourself to practice kindness daily.

It is possible that people may receive positivity in return when they are kind to someone else. One study highlighted this fact. It found that performing random acts of kindness was linked to a decrease in symptoms for people with social anxiety.

Being kind to others may directly impact mental health. People with mental health issues may be particularly vulnerable to negativity from others. A kind word or smile might reinforce to someone that the world can be a positive place and that they are valued by others. This may help ward off feelings of hopelessness that can characterize conditions like depression. [fat_widget_right]

A good therapist knows how to practice kindness. They often strive to use kindness and compassion as they explore mental health issues with people in therapy. If you feel you could benefit from speaking to a professional about mental health, you can start searching for a therapist here.

Reference:

Dallas, M. (2015, July 10). For those with social anxiety, acts of kindness may be therapeutic. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/articles/2015/07/10/for-those-with-social-anxiety-acts-of-kindness-may-be-therapeutic

The word “perfectionist” may bring to mind someone who is the picture of tidy. Or it might inspire the thought of a bookshelf, alphabetized and organized by genre.

Perfectionism is simply the need to be (or appear) perfect. Different forms of perfectionism can have both positive and negative effects. People who are motivated by setting lofty goals may excel in academia or their workplace. But the harmful aspects of perfectionism can lead to depression, low self-esteem, or overwhelm.

When perfectionism becomes overbearing or overwhelming, it can lead to burnout. Burnout is complete mental and physical exhaustion. It often occurs after a prolonged period of stress. Striving for perfection can be highly stressful, and it can trigger burnout.

When Hard Work and High Goals Cause Burnout

There is nothing wrong with setting goals or having high expectations. But there are a few signs you may be heading into negative, or self-critical, perfectionism. These can include but are not limited to:

• Difficulty making decisions because “None of the options seem right”
• Excessive list-making [fat_widget_right]
• Giving up early or avoiding situations with higher risk of failure
• Procrastination
• Repeated checking: in the mirror, for errors in work, or your watch
• Hoarding
• Slowness in speech or reading grounded in the need to ensure nothing is missed or messed up

Stress caused by the self-critical behaviors of perfectionism can lead to burnout. You could be experiencing burnout if you feel:

• Emotionally blunted or numb
• Constantly overwhelmed
• That your daily tasks are pointless
• Underappreciated
• Depleted of motivation
• Hopeless or helpless
• Tired or fatigued most of the time

Why Does Perfectionism Trigger Burnout?

Perfectionism can cause a constant amount of stress in both work and home life. Living in a cycle of stress with no relief may allow a sense of helplessness or despair to take root. Neverending stress can sap motivation and make it seem like there is not point in trying.

By setting impossible to meet standards—perfection—a person cannot accomplish what they expect of themselves. They will never reach this goal, because perfection does not exist. Even if perfection was achieved at a certain point, standards for what is perfect may change over time. For people with harmful perfectionistic tendencies, this thinking can further contribute to a loss purpose and meaning.

Self-critical perfectionism often comes with negative self-talk. Thoughts such as “What is wrong with me?” and “At this rate, I may as well give up” may often run through the mind of someone with perfectionism. A steady flow of harsh inner dialogue can cause emotional exhaustion.

Are Some People Prone to Burnout?

One specific group is not more or less prone to burnout than another. But certain characteristics or mental health issues may make burnout more likely.

For example, people with social anxiety may be more prone to perfectionism. Both conditions can cause fear of being judged by others. The relationship between social anxiety and self-critical perfectionism indicates people with social anxiety may be more likely to burn out.

People with high-stress jobs and professional athletes may also be more susceptible to burnout. Perfectionism in the workplace or on the playing field can make self-compassion or acceptance of failure feel impossible. This may cause them to work or compete harder than is sustainable for long amounts of time.

Thoughts such as “What is wrong with me?” and “At this rate, I may as well give up” may often run through the mind of a person with perfectionism. A steady flow of harsh inner dialogue can cause emotional exhaustion.

Can Burnout Be Avoided?

Many people experience burnout at some point in life. It is possible to prevent it from happening regularly or for extended periods. Management of perfectionistic tendencies is key in preventing someone from reaching a state of burnout.

To help manage perfectionism, you might:

• Remind yourself to think realistically. Practice repeating “All I can do is my best!” or “Nobody is perfect!” to yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
• Gather perspective. Look at how you fit into the bigger picture. Consider the broader context of a stressful situation.
• Compromise. Decide what level of imperfection or perfection you can handle for the moment. Operate within that framework.
• Speak up. Tell people when you are tired or feeling run down.
• Manage your time. Avoid procrastinating and becoming overwhelmed. Create schedules with tasks you can complete in a certain number of hours.
• Take regular breaks from work or activities. Read, take a nap, play with a pet, or spend time with a good friend. Breathe.

Tips for Handling Perfectionism-Induced Burnout

If perfectionism is not managed, a person may reach a point of burnout. It can be harder to bounce back from a state of burnout than from a point of tiredness before it. Due to this, it is important to prevent burnout, if possible. But knowing how to treat and recover from burnout may be necessary for many with perfectionistic traits.

Burnout recovery includes self-care. A few good strategies might be:

• Socializing. Maintaining positive relationships and spending time with people you feel comfortable around can help reduce stress and overwhelm.
• Finding balance. Leave a chaotic job, or say no to projects that will overload you. Set a hard stopping time for leaving the office or closing your computer each day.
• Nourishing your creativity. Write or journal, make art or music, cook, garden, or dance.
• Taking care of your body. Exercise or stay active, and try to eat whole, healthy foods.
• Seeing a therapist. Talk therapy can help people cope with feelings of depression or pointlessness during burnout. Speaking with a therapist may help people make a plan for moving forward.

A solid self-care plan can help you work toward a faster pace or bigger project load. It is important to practice self-care and know your limits. You may avoid burnout by being realistic in your expectations and communicating needs and feelings of overwhelm with bosses and coworkers. This may mean turning down a new project or giving up some responsibilities to clear your plate.

You can still accomplish goals and do quality work at a pace that won’t burn you out. Burnout and perfectionism can hinder your ability to do your best. Learning to manage them may serve you better in the future. If things become too much for you to handle on your own, a mental health professional can help you learn skills to manage perfectionistic behavior.

References:

1. Benson, E. (2003). The many faces of perfectionism. Monitor on Psychology, 10(34), 18. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov03/manyfaces.aspx
2. Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2015, July 31). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 3(20), 269-288. Doi: 10.1177/1088868315596286
3. Fursland, A., Lim, L., Raykos, B., & Steele, A. (2009). What is perfectionism? Retrieved from http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/1%20What%20is%20%20Perfectionism.pdf
4. How to overcome perfectionism. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
5. Kempke, S., Luvten, P., Claes, S., Goossens, L., Bekaert, P., Van Wambeke, P., & Van Houdenhove, B. (2012, August 30). Self-critical perfectionism and its relationship to fatigue and pain in the daily flow of life in patients with chronic fatigue syndrome. Psychological Medicine, 5(43), 995-1002. doi: 10.1017/S0033291712001936
6. Ruggeri, A. (2018, February 21). The dangerous downsides of perfectionism. BBC. Retrieved from http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise

Mindfulness is a concept that does not have one set definition. It often refers to the process of becoming more aware of sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Many therapeutic approaches harness mindfulness techniques. Meditation is one such technique that may be practiced in or with therapy.

Meditation often aids mindfulness and vice versa. Many people find these practices facilitate the process of letting go. This often allows for greater self-compassion and improved mental health.

These quotes emphasize the impact and benefits of increasing self-awareness and letting go. Choose a quote to meditate on in your pursuit of mindfulness. Or spread some contemplation to your loved ones by sharing a quote on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram!

Mindfulness is often used alongside meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to treat a variety of mental health issues. It may also be helpful in the practice of yoga or breathwork.

People may incorporate mindfulness into treatments for anxiety, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. They may also use it to help them heal from trauma or grief. Mindfulness has been shown to increase the ability to focus and tune out distraction. One study found mindfulness training even improved reading comprehension and memory in some people. [fat_widget_right]

Some therapists are trained in mindfulness-based interventions. They may bring practices with elements of mindfulness into your treatment. If you would like to try a mindfulness-based approach to therapy, find a therapist who has training in this technique. A trained therapist will know how to correctly apply mindfulness or meditation to benefit you. This may help grow your potential for greater self-awareness and peace.

Reference:

Mrazek, M. D., Franklin, M. S., Phillips, D. T., Baird, B., & Schooler, J. W. (2013, March 28). Mindfulness training improves working memory capacity and GRE performance while reducing mind wandering. Association for Psychological Science, 5(24), 776-781. doi: 10.1177/0956797612459659