Choosing the Right Therapist is Important.

By Dr. Denise Renye MED, MA, PSYD

With so many therapists in the world, how do you know which one is right for you?

After all, you’ll be sharing the deepest, most vulnerable parts of yourself with this person so it’s important they’re a good match. Not everyone has the privilege to be in a position to be able to choose whom they work with, but if you are able to pick your therapist, here are some tips.  

 1. Be Selective

When you’re in psychological or emotional pain, it’s tempting to book a session with whatever therapist has the soonest availability, but that’s a mistake. As I’ve written about on my own blog, the therapeutic relationship is a special one. It’s unique and not to be found anywhere in the typical social world. For some, a therapist is the first or perhaps only secure attachment figure in their life.  

A secure attachment figure is someone who provides a safe physical and emotional environment for interaction. They are people clients can count on, someone they can express their innermost thoughts to, a person that holds space for feelings and processing feelings without shame, blame, or judgment. The healing happens in the space between the hearts and minds and spirits of the patient and the therapist. The relationship is the healing container.    

Therapy is built upon a relationship and the relationship is where and how healing happens. What that means is you can’t work with just anybody. Are you close friends with just anyone? Do you date just anyone? Probably not. Just as you recognize you mesh well with certain people and not others, the same applies to therapists. Pick someone you feel comfortable with, someone who sees and understands you. Otherwise, the relationship will stall your healing at best and could cause harm at worst.  

2. Have an Intention in Mind

Just as with many things in life, having an intention and focus helps you refine what you’re looking for. Your intention in therapy doesn’t have to be specific, such as, “I want to get over the trauma that happened to me at 15.” It could be that, but it also could be general, such as, “I want to feel less anxious.” If you enter the therapeutic process knowing what you’d like to focus on, that will make it easier for you to find someone who specializes in what you’re looking for. 

A note here, therapy often takes a circuitous route and while you may enter therapy for one thing, you might find there are other issues you were unaware of cropping up in your time together with the therapist. In other words, it may seem tangential to talk about your childhood if you feel anxious about making new friends, but the therapist has their reasons for helping you look within in a certain manner. And if you want to know those reasons, ask! You don’t have to stay in the dark about what’s happening in sessions.  

3. Ask Questions

The initial intake is the time for you to learn more about the therapist as much as it’s the time for the therapist to learn about you. During the initial meeting, ask what their approach is, if and how they’ve helped other people like you, and how much experience they have. Also ask more detailed and specific questions about how they work as a therapist. If you don’t know the term describing their approach, say so and ask them for more clarity.  

Maybe you already know that you want someone who works in a trauma-informed way, or it’s important that they’re accepting of your sexual orientation. Whatever it is, ask questions and learn more about the therapeutic approach and what sessions are like with that therapist.  

As you hear them share about their approach, how do you feel in your body? The body is a built-in barometer of your internal state. Typically, when a person is relaxed, they breathe deeply and slowly in their stomach. Typically, when a person is anxious or stressed, they breathe shallowly and rapidly in their chest. What’s your body doing as you’re chatting with this therapist? Pay attention to those signals because they provide crucial information. This information may be the most crucial you receive when you are seeking out a therapeutic relationship.  

Some other signs to watch out for: 

• Does the therapist interrupt you while you’re talking?  

• Do they respect your time? 
• Do they have a solid knowledge of what you are asking for help with? 
• Does their training level and years of experience meet your expectations? 
• Does the therapist brush off, minimize, or invalidate your concerns? 

If spot any red flags during the phone consult or during the first session, this is not the person you want to work with. You are worthy and deserving of someone who respects you, listens to you, and wants to support you on your healing journey. Remember, this is all about finding the right match. The therapist your best friend raves about may not be the therapist for you. Take your time with this process because this is a person you’ll intimately talk with weekly for months, if not years. You’ll save yourself time and energy in the long run if you do the footwork now.  

The GoodTherapy Registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of Therapists listed with us who would love to help you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

Historically, psychology as a field has heavily focused on the brain–and arguably, the mind as localized above the neckline–as being the way out in terms of psychological freedom. In the past, the field of psychology has overlooked the body and the role of spirituality.

Mind-Body Connection

The mind and intellect have gotten many people far in their lives. As such, people can easily get out of touch with the body and its signals; they may forget the body has a lot of wisdom to offer.

In my work as a clinical psychologist, I see how it helps to blend the mind and body because it gives people more access to themselves. Sometimes with talk therapy, people can feel stifled because the psychospiritual element is missing.

Prior to the 17th century, people understood the mind and body are one, but then French philosopher René Descartes changed things when he popularized the idea the mind and body are distinct from one another.

A way to get back to oneness and engage in therapy in a more holistic way is to use embodiment techniques. As a yoga therapist certified through the International Association of Yoga Therapists (IAYT), I’m a proponent of yoga therapy.

Yoga therapy is not the same as going to a regular yoga class. As a yoga therapist, I work with a person holistically assessing their specific symptoms or conditions, as well as their emotional state of being. Engaging in yoga in such a tailored way can help a person get back in touch with the gestalt of themselves, which is the focus of my work. I aim to address the whole person and help with the integration thereof.

Why get back in touch with the body?

Getting back in touch with the body means hearing your internal “knowing.” Getting back in touch with the body means hearing your internal “knowing.” For instance, knowing what it means on a physical level to be hungry, to be full. It means knowing when you’re angry or sad. Those feelings are important because they are indicators of which direction to go in life and are an avenue into knowing the self.

Feelings translate into making more informed choices, and they enable a person to live the life they want to live rather than the life they “should” live or have fallen into. The inner knowing, which can also be called intuition, will signal whether a person is a good match to be in a relationship with, or if a job is a good fit.

If a person has experienced trauma, it can take a long time to get back to that “knowing” place, but doing so can help a person heal. And it’s possible to do so!

Coming back into the body can also mean a person is in less physical pain or they become aware of what physical pain means. If their neck hurts, maybe someone or something is literally becoming “a pain in the neck.” Awareness of the emotional state that is sometimes behind physical pain empowers a person to do something about the root cause of the pain.

Ways to use the breath

Now that we’ve talked about the benefits of getting in touch with the body, what are some ways to do so? I like breathwork or pranayama, which has the potential to decrease anxiety and help with symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as insomnia, hypervigilance, and irritability or anger outbursts.

Here are three breathing techniques I like to use with my clients:

1. “Noticing your natural breath”

• Breathe in, bring awareness to the breath, and pause slightly at the top.
• Then breathe out.
• Breathe in, filling your lungs fully and then pausing slightly at the top of the breath.
• Then breathe out, exhaling all the way.

2. 4-7-8 breath

This breathing exercise should not be done more than four times consecutively.

• Breathe in quietly through the nose for four seconds.
• Hold the breath for a count of seven seconds.
• Exhale forcefully through the mouth, pursing the lips and making a “whoosh” sound for eight seconds.
• Again, repeat this cycle only four times at a given time

3. Three-part breath

The “three parts” of this breath are the chest, solar plexus, and belly, deep in the bottom of the lungs.

• Isolate each part, breathing first into the chest, then diaphragm, then stomach.
• Especially focus on the belly breath and breathing deepest into the bottom of the lungs to allow the belly to expand out.
• Then exhale all the way allowing the belly to deflate.

Examples of yoga postures

Another way to get back in touch with the body is by using restorative yoga techniques. The modality can be very useful as a complement to depth psychotherapy. I use both in my practice with incredible results.

If you are confident practicing on your own, I suggest gently easing into a restorative practice. When you are still and quiet, there is much space for the thoughts, feelings, and memories to bubble up in the psyche. If you have a trauma history, please be gentle with yourself and do not expect your practice to be further along than it is.

Supported Child’s Pose

I like to introduce my patients, clients, and students into restorative postures and sequences slowly and with purpose. I find that starting with a pose that is helpful for inner child work, reparenting the self, and intervening with symptoms of panic, anxiety, or PTSD is strategic and beneficial. The pose, or asana, is supported child’s pose. The Sanskrit word for this pose is salamba balasana.

An alternative is to use two bolsters placed end to end. If there are complications with your knees, feel free to extend the knees behind you or fold (or roll) a blanket to be placed in between the calf and the hamstring. Set a timer for 3 minutes and then slowly and gently turn your head the other way, keeping it there for another 3 minutes. This pose is one of surrender. In this pose we surrender any judgment and expectation of the self and other.

Supported Heart Opener

A supported heart opener can be a follow up to the supported child’s pose. This type of pose has the potential to be helpful for forgiveness and self-love.

An example of a heart opener is supported bound angle pose, or salamba supta baddha konasana. If there is ever discomfort in any part of the body, please modify as needed. For instance, placing a bolster, rolled up blanket, or pillow underneath a person’s back, allowing their upper body to be elevated, may create discomfort in the lower back. I suggest using a prop lower to the ground (one to two blankets instead of a bolster, for example).

Work up to 10 minutes in this pose. Start out by setting your alarm for 3 minutes and see if you can add a minute on each time you practice. Allow for lots of space for your feelings to arise without judgment and without expectation.

Corpse Pose

Lastly, a posture that’s beneficial for letting go and potentially helping with depression is corpse pose, or supported salamba savasana.

Death is the ultimate act of letting go. It is one we practice each evening as we settle in for a night’s sleep. It is one that can be effortless and full of ease, with practice.

To practice salamba savasana, place a bolster under the back of the knees, a rolled-up blanket under the ankles, and folded blankets under the wrists, and neck. You could also use an eye pillow and a sandbag on the lower belly to deepen the pose. Please let yourself have at least 15 minutes in this pose.

Not everyone wants to come back into their bodies, and that’s fine, they don’t have to. But for people who want to live fuller, richer lives with more connection and authenticity, pairing embodiment techniques with talk therapy can help them flow with that goal.

References:

1. Glock, C., Alfred, R., & Bellah, R. (1976). The new religious consciousness. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press.
2. Damasio, A. R. (2004). Descartes error: Emotion, reason and the human brain. New York: Quill.
3. Walker, J., & Pacik, D. (2017). Controlled Rhythmic Yogic Breathing as Complementary Treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Military Veterans: A Case Series. Medical Acupuncture, 29(4), 232-238. doi:10.1089/acu.2017.1215