Starting therapy can feel hard to explain.
Sometimes there is a clear reason. A loss. A breakup. Burnout. A period of anxiety that has become impossible to ignore.
Other times, the feeling is more subtle. Life may look fine from the outside, but something internally feels off. You may feel stuck, disconnected, overwhelmed, or simply no longer at ease in your own life.
For therapist Brooke Pomerantz, that in between space matters. It is often where the most meaningful work begins.
A licensed clinical social worker who has been in private practice since 2007, Brooke works with adults and young adults in Oakland and via telehealth. Many of the people she supports are highly capable, thoughtful, and outwardly successful, yet privately struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, or a deeper sense of dissatisfaction they cannot quite name.
What stands out most in Brooke’s approach is not just what she helps clients work through, but how she meets them there. Her philosophy is grounded in curiosity, patience, and the belief that every person deserves to be understood as an individual, not reduced to a category or rushed into change before they are ready.
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Video Interview: Watch the Conversation with Brooke PomerantzHear Brooke discuss starting therapy, feeling safe with a therapist, and finding the right fit. |
Why starting therapy can feel so hard
For people starting therapy for the first time, I acknowledge that the experience can feel vulnerable and anxiety-inducing. That anxiety, she says, is not a sign that something is going wrong. It is often part of the process. A competent therapist can recognize this vulnerability and adjust the pace of treatment at a pace that works best for their client. This is why the initial sessions are a huge opportunity for both the individual and the therapist to assess if they are a good match and whether the individual has an agency in the process.
What to do if you feel anxious about therapy
It’s simple. Name the feeling. Saying “I feel anxious being here” can lead to a much deeper and sincere conversation. It gives both therapist and client somewhere real to begin. Instead of trying to arrive with everything figured out, a person can start from what is true in the moment. It also gives them a chance to notice if they feel safe, understood, and ready to share their experiences in a particular setup with the therapist in question.
A gentle first sentenceIf starting feels awkward, a simple sentence like “I feel anxious being here” can be enough to open the door. |
Can therapy help even if nothing feels wrong?
Yes. Therapy does not only belong to moments of crisis or chaos. It can also be a place to think more deeply about your life, understand your patterns, strengthen your relationships, and develop a more connected relationship with yourself. Even when someone says they are “fine,” there is often something underneath that is asking to be explored.
That idea makes therapy feel less like an emergency response and more like a meaningful form of self-reflection. It becomes a space to pause, take stock, and ask harder questions about how you are living and what you may need next.
What makes your practice unique, and how do you know if you’re a good fit for a client?
It is about being intentional about not getting ahead of the person in front of you. As therapists, we need to understand each person in the context of their own life, strengths, challenges, and readiness for change. That means honoring where someone is, instead of pushing them toward where they “should” be.
This way of working can be especially supportive for people who are used to pressuring themselves. Like many of my clients who are high functioning and driven. They may look successful on the outside while internally feeling exhausted, unhappy, perfectionistic, or chronically disconnected from their own needs. I also work with young adults who are having trouble launching into adulthood, perhaps having had setbacks like a mental health crisis, and need support navigating the transition.
How to cope when life feels emotionally overwhelming
When life feels overwhelming, it can help to slow everything down and focus on getting through one moment or one hour at a time. Reducing the size of the problem can make it feel more survivable. And when depression or hopelessness makes action feel nearly impossible, even a very small step can matter. A walk. A phone call. Any small movement or action can combat the tendency to retreat and feel paralyzed.
There is something deeply humane about that advice. It does not romanticize healing or pretends that change is easy. It simply offers a gentler entry point.
How to find the right therapist for your needs
Finding a therapist is rarely a one size fits all process. It is highly individual. People may begin by exploring therapist directories, asking for referrals from their community, or looking for someone with a shared background or area of expertise. What matters most is finding someone with whom you feel safe and someone you believe can understand you and help with the areas where you feel stuck.
A simple way to begin is:
1. Read a few therapist profiles carefullyNotice how therapists describe their approach, specialties, and the kinds of clients they work with. |
2. Look for what feels alignedShared identity, expertise, communication style, or lived experience may all play a role in helping you feel understood. |
3. Take the next step to assess fitA consultation or follow up call can help you decide whether the connection feels right. |
This is one reason directories like GoodTherapy can be a helpful place to start. They make it easier to explore therapist profiles, understand different approaches, and find a therapist whose style feels aligned with what you need.
For therapists, it is also a reminder that a thoughtful profile matters. The clearer you are about your approach and who you help, the easier it is for the right clients to find and connect with you.
The right support can change everything
Brooke Pomerantz’s approach reminds us that therapy is not about having everything figured out before you begin. It is about making sense of your feelings and things that are weighing you down and channeling it into an effort to find a space where you can be honest and feel safe. Her reflections offer something deeply reassuring that growth can happen at your own pace, that support can be valuable even before a crisis, and that the right therapeutic relationship can help you move through life with greater clarity and self-awareness.
If Brooke’s words resonated with you, take a moment to explore her GoodTherapy profile and learn more about her approach. If you are still looking for the right fit, browse GoodTherapy’s therapist directory to find a provider whose style, perspective, and approach align with your needs.
FAQs
Ready to find the right therapist?Explore GoodTherapy’s directory of vetted professionals and find someone whose approach aligns with your needs. |
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When people think of anxiety, they often picture some visible signs. They imagine panic, spiraling thoughts, avoidance, or moments when someone clearly looks overwhelmed. While anxiety can look like that.
Hidden anxiety
Perfectionism
Burnout
In this blog
That is not the only way it shows up.
Sometimes anxiety is harder to notice, even for the person living with it. It can hide behind routines, ambition, reliability, and the ability to keep going. It can look like answering every email, meeting every deadline, remembering every key event and detail, showing up for people who matter, and still never quite feeling calm. It can look like being the one everyone depends on while your own mind never fully quiets down.
That is why it is important to recognize this type of anxiety. Commonly known as high functioning anxiety, this experience is not recognized as a formal mental health diagnosis, but it describes something very real. Many individuals continue to function at a high level while carrying persistent worry, pressure, and internal distress that often goes unseen.
How Anxiety can Fuel Performance
One of the reasons high functioning anxiety can go unnoticed is that it often wears socially acceptable masks and may often look like success. In fact, in may look like being very responsible. It may look like caring deeply. It may look like staying organized, always preparing, or trying hard not to let anyone down. Some people learn to manage anxiety by becoming exceptionally good at anticipating problems, staying busy, and keeping control wherever they can.
In many cases, anxiety does not stop people. It pushes them.
Pushes them to care deeply, to stay highly organized, to always prepare for things and events in advance or or try to not let anyone down.
Research indicates that certain forms of anxiety, especially when tied to performance or expectations, can coexist with high achievement. In academic settings, for example, perfectionistic standards can even have a positive relationship with performance outcomes, despite underlying stress.
At the same time, this productivity is often driven by fear. Fear of failure, fear of letting others down, or fear of not being “good enough.”
This creates a cycle where:
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Anxiety fuels effort |
2
Effort leads to achievement |
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Achievement reinforces the anxiety |
What looks like discipline or ambition from the outside may actually be a coping mechanism on the inside.
Signs of High-functioning Anxiety that are Easy to Miss
High functioning anxiety rarely looks like avoidance or breakdowns. Instead, it shows up in patterns that are often socially rewarded.
For some people, anxiety shows up as perfectionism. For others, it appears as people pleasing, irritability, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, or the sense that their mind is always running in the background. Some people stay busy because slowing down brings them too close to feelings they do not know how to sit with. Others become highly attuned to everyone else around them, constantly tracking moods, reactions, and signs of disappointment.
Some of the most common but overlooked signs include:
| Constant overthinking, even about small decisions | |
| Perfectionism and fear of mistakes | |
| People-pleasing and difficulty saying no | |
| Staying busy to avoid slowing down | |
| Difficulty relaxing, even during rest | |
| Persistent physical tension or fatigue | |
| Becoming attuned to surroundings, tracking moods, reactions and signs of disappointment |
Research shows that perfectionistic tendencies and worry are closely linked, with worry often acting as a core feature of anxiety.
In fact, maladaptive perfectionism has been consistently associated with anxiety symptoms across multiple studies and populations.
If these patterns feel familiar, talking to a therapist can help you understand what is driving them.
Why High-Functioning Anxiety often goes Unnoticed
High functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed not because it is rare, but because it usually does not align with what we expect anxiety to look like.
Mental health systems typically define disorders based on distress and impairment. But what happens when someone is distressed, yet still performing well?
People with high functioning anxiety often:
Meet expectations |
Maintain relationships |
Succeed professionally |
As a result, their internal experience is often overlooked, both by themselves and by others.
This is reinforced by social and cultural expectations. Productivity, reliability, and achievement are rewarded, even when they come at the cost of mental wellbeing.
The Breaking Point: Burnout and Emotional Exhaustion
Despite being hidden, high functioning anxiety can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being and is not sustainable indefinitely.
It can make it hard to be fully present. You may be physically in the room but mentally somewhere else, scanning the next problem, thinking about the next task, or the next thing that could potentially go wrong. You may struggle to enjoy moments of rest because your mind treats stillness like a threat instead of relief.
Over time, this feeling piles up and can feel exhausting.
You may find yourself becoming more irritable, more physically and emotionally drained, or more disconnected from joy. This is one of the quieter harms of anxiety. It can steal peace long before it interrupts performance.
Over time, the constant pressure, overthinking, and need to perform can lead to:
| 1Burnout | 2Emotional exhaustion |
| 3Irritability or detachment | 4Difficulty concentrating |
| 5Sudden breakdowns after long periods of coping | |
Research shows that perfectionism and anxiety are linked to chronic psychological distress and rumination, which can intensify over time if not addressed. Similarly, studies highlight that individuals with strong perfectionistic tendencies are more vulnerable to long-term stress and mental health challenges. Such people don’t fall apart slowly but rather hold it together, until they can’t.
You do not have to wait until burnout to seek support. Early conversations with a therapist can make a meaningful difference.
When should you seek help?
One of the biggest barriers to seeking support is the belief that your condition is not serious because you are fully functional and able to carry out everyday tasks as expected.
But functioning is not the same as feeling okay.
Your body may be sending subtle signals you tend to overlook, but they could be a sign that you need professional support.
It may be time to seek support if:
Because the external signs of struggle are minimal, high functioning anxiety often delays help seeking, but getting support early can prevent long term burnout and more serious mental health challenges.
Connect with a licensed therapist who specializes in anxiety and stress.
Effective forms of Therapy for High Functioning Anxiety
Many people with high functioning anxiety hesitate to seek help because they feel like they are “managing.” But therapy can help you understand what is driving that constant pressure and give you tools to move through life with more clarity and less strain.
Some of the most effective approaches include:
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)CBT helps you identify patterns of thought that fuel anxiety and replace them with more balanced, realistic perspectives. It is especially helpful if you:
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)ACT focuses on helping you accept internal experiences rather than constantly trying to control them. This can be helpful if:
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Therapy for PerfectionismSome therapists specifically work with perfectionism and high standards. This approach helps you:
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How to Approach Therapy if you have High Functioning Anxiety
If this type of anxiety resonates with you, it can help to look for therapists who:
- specialize in anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder
- have experience working with perfectionism or high achievers
- focus on stress, burnout, or overthinking
- use structured, evidence-based approaches
Browse therapist profiles and connect with someone who aligns with your needs and approach.
Moving Forward
High functioning anxiety can be easy to miss, especially when it looks like success. But just because you are meeting expectations, staying productive, and showing up for others does not mean you are not struggling.
Anxiety does not always look like falling apart. Sometimes, it looks like holding everything together, at a cost. Recognizing that cost is the first step toward something better.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about high functioning anxiety and getting support.
Resources:
| Fletcher, S. (2024). What are signs of high functioning anxiety? Canadian Centre for Addictions. https://canadiancentreforaddictions.org/what-are-signs-of-high-functioning-anxiety/ | |
| Lunn, J., Greene, D., Callaghan, T., & Egan, S. J. (2023). Associations between perfectionism and symptoms of anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression in young people: A meta-analysis. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2023.2211736 | |
| Macedo, A., Marques, M., & Pereira, A. T. (2014). Perfectionism and psychological distress: A review of the cognitive factors. International Journal of Clinical Neurosciences and Mental Health. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/260552234_Perfectionism_and_psychological_distress_a_review_of_the_cognitive_factors_REVIEW | |
| Stöber, J., & Joormann, J. (2001). Worry, procrastination, and perfectionism: Differentiating amount of worry, pathological worry, anxiety, and depression. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 25, 49–60. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1026474715384 | |
| Wu, R., Chen, J., Li, Q., & Zhou, H. (2022). Reducing the influence of perfectionism and statistics anxiety on college student performance in statistics courses. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, Article 1011278. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1011278 |
Parenting a teenager has never been easy. But today’s teens are navigating a world that looks very different from the one most parents grew up in, and their emotional experiences might be different than those raising them. Between 2016 and 2023, the prevalence of diagnosed mental or behavioral health conditions among adolescents increased 35%. Data from 2022–2023 shows that anxiety, behavior disorders, and depression are the most commonly diagnosed mental disorders in children, and many more have conditions that are undiagnosed.
35%
increase in diagnosed teen mental health conditions between 2016–2023
40%
of teens experience persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness today
In This Article
Is It Normal Teen Behavior or Something More?
We’ve all heard the stereotypical joke about parents thinking their child’s unconventional or unusual behavior is “just a phase.†While this may be true sometimes, your child’s behavioral shifts might actually suggest something bigger is going on.
Mood swings in teenagers are normal and to be expected. Yet, persistent sadness that lasts for weeks or more may signal a more significant mental health issue. If your teen seems uninterested in activities they once loved, withdraws from friends or family, or frequently expresses feelings of hopelessness, they may be struggling with depression.
The key word here is persistent. A bad week after a breakup or a slump during exam season is different from a pattern that lingers, intensifies, or begins to interfere with daily life. Lack of awareness means some parents don’t recognize the signs of depression or anxiety in their teen. They might attribute changes in behavior to “just being a teenager†rather than symptoms of a treatable condition.
Knowing when to seek professional help for your teen is one of the most powerful acts of parenting you can do.
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5 Warning Signs Your Teen May Benefit from Therapy
It can be difficult to know how to best support your child as a parent, but you don’t have to have all the answers. When it comes to looking out for your teenager’s mental well-being, these are five signs to watch for that could indicate your teenager needs more than your love and encouragement: they probably need professional support.
01Sign |
Persistent Sadness, Anxiety, or Emotional WithdrawalToday, 40% of teens experience persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. If your child seems consistently down, anxious, or emotionally shut off for an extended period of time, it’s worth paying attention. Signs of depression or anxiety in teenagers include a lack of energy, feeling unmotivated, poor concentration, or withdrawing from friends and family. If unaddressed, these emotional needs can negatively impact your teenager’s well-being and even safety. |
02Sign |
Sudden Changes in Behavior, Sleep, or Academic PerformanceIf you notice a distinct change in your teen’s behavior or mood that persists, it is a clear sign that it’s likely time for professional help. You might have noticed them withdrawing from friends and usual activities, experiencing a significant change in their level of motivation, being chronically or explosively angry, or experiencing a significant change in their eating habits or sleeping habits. When your teen’s performance in school suddenly drops without explanation, this could point toward underlying issues such as stress or depression. These shifts can be easy to dismiss, but they’re often the first signal a struggling teenager has to communicate that something is wrong. |
03Sign |
Social Isolation or Loss of Interest in Favorite ActivitiesIf your teenager has become increasingly isolated or withdrawn from friends and family, it could indicate deeper emotional issues. Pay attention if they’ve stopped reaching out to friends, dropped sports or hobbies they once loved, or seem to have retreated entirely into their room. They could show a lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy, like sports, clubs, or just hobbies. Any sudden changes in your child’s behavior could be a sign that something isn’t right. |
04Sign |
Physical Complaints Without a Medical CauseMental health doesn’t always announce itself with emotional language. Stomach aches, headaches, and complaints of pain are common ways for teenagers to express underlying experiences of mental health concerns. When there is no medical reason for these symptoms, it is important to think about what might be contributing to your teen’s complaints. If their pediatrician consistently assesses them but can’t identify what’s wrong, it may be time to look beneath the surface. |
05Sign |
Risky Behavior or Signs of Self-HarmSome individuals often use alcohol and drugs to cope with difficult feelings or circumstances, and your teenager could be abusing them without you knowing. Overusing these substances can signal deep emotional pain that needs to be addressed. If your teenager is hurting themself or abusing drugs or alcohol, this is a sign of significant emotional distress. Abusing substances often manifests alongside self-harm behaviors. In fact, self-harm can become habit-forming and escalate over time, and could become a safety risk to your child or others. If you notice these signs with your child, be sure to seek professional support right away. |
Addressing Stigma: Therapy Is Not a Last Resort
One of the biggest barriers to getting teens help is stigma — both theirs and ours. Your child may feel ashamed of the idea of seeing a therapist or worried about what their friends will think if they find out. Your child may think that seeing a therapist means they are “crazy†or that something is wrong with them.
As a parent, it helps to examine your own beliefs about mental health before starting this conversation. You might feel compelled to help your child “just push through†whatever they’re going through, but it’s important to let your child know that seeking professional help for what is happening in their internal world is just like going to the doctor if they aren’t feeling well. Therapy works the same way: if you are struggling and your usual coping mechanisms are no longer working, then you should reach out to a trained professional.
80% |
In 2023, nearly 80% of children between 12 and 17 years old who needed mental health treatment received it. If your teen sees a professional, they are far from alone. |
How to Start the Conversation Without Judgment
Parents sometimes approach the conversation from a solutions-mindset: “There is this problem, so let’s go to therapy to fix it.†However, this can make kids defensive and feel targeted. It’s important to talk about the therapist as an expert who teaches us how to process emotions, like communicating better, processing our feelings, or not getting so nervous before events. In other words, focus on how therapy can help them.
Here are a few gentle approaches you can try:
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Choose the right momentChoose a time when both you and your child are well rested and calm to bring up the topic of seeing a therapist. Avoid raising it mid-conflict or crisis. |
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Lead with love, not labelsFrame the conversation around what you’ve noticed, not what’s wrong. Try something like: “I’ve noticed you seem really tired lately, and I just want to make sure you have the right support.†|
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â–º |
Give them agencyGive your teen choices whenever possible. You might let them help choose the therapist, decide between in-person or online sessions, or agree to try just one appointment. Even small choices send an important message: Your voice matters. |
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Address confidentiality concernsTalk to your teen about patient confidentiality to make them feel like they have control over their own privacy. A therapist may share generalities with parents, like it was a hard session or a good discussion, but they won’t get into specifics without your child’s permission. |
Remember: If the conversation doesn’t go as planned the first time, that’s okay. Keep the door open, and try again.
What to Look for in a Teen-Specialized Therapist
Not every therapist is the right fit for a teenager. Research confirms that teenagers are not really true children or grown adults: they represent a distinct psychological life stage with unique healthcare requirements. Adolescent brains experience rapid neural development and neurochemical changes that guide emotional, cognitive, and social shifts.
When searching for the right provider, look for professionals with these qualities:
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✓ |
Adolescent specializationNot all therapists specialize in working with teenagers. Look for mental health professionals with relevant training and experience, such as licensed counselors, licensed marriage and family therapists, or clinical psychologists. Confirm that they have experience treating teens and addressing the specific challenges your child is facing. |
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✓ |
A strong therapeutic relationshipThe quality of the therapeutic relationship is a primary factor in improving mental health outcomes for teens. Techniques like motivational interviewing and active listening were especially effective in building rapport and promoting treatment success. |
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✓ |
A flexible, adaptive approachThe most skilled adolescent therapists have a diverse toolkit of methods they can draw from, adapting their approach to match each teen’s unique needs, interests, and developmental stage. They don’t force your child into their preferred method; they adapt their methods to fit your child. |
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✓ |
Family involvementTeens need their own safe space to talk freely. But a therapist who has a family-centered approach will view the family as part of the therapeutic process and will engage parents in ways that are supportive, respectful, and open. |
Wondering where to get started? You can begin your search using GoodTherapy’s therapist directory, which allows you to filter by specialization, location, and age group.
Taking the First Step
Early intervention is key when it comes to addressing mental health issues in teenagers. The sooner your child receives professional help, the better their chances of developing effective coping strategies and building self-confidence.
Reaching out for help is one of the most loving things a parent can do, not a sign of failure. Getting help for your child is an act of compassion, and it will help your child improve their mental well-being and could even enhance your relationship with them as well.
Mental health matters for children, teens, and adults. If you’re not sure where to start, explore GoodTherapy’s resources on depression, anxiety, and other resources — or connect with GoodTherapy’s mental health professionals who truly understand this stage of life.
Find a Therapist Who Specializes in Teens
GoodTherapy’s directory lets you filter by age group, specialization, and location to find the right fit for your family.
Crisis Resources
If your teen is in immediate distress or experiencing a mental health emergency, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. Help is always available.
Resources
- American Hospital Association: Integrating Behavioral Health Into Pediatric Care: Hospital-Led Solutions to a Growing Crisis
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Data Statistics on Children’s Mental Health
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Adolescent and School Health: Mental Health
- Mayo Clinic: Teen Depression
- Mental Health America: Know the Signs: Recognizing Mental Health Concerns in Kids or Teens
- Mayo Clinic: Mental Illness
- National Library of Medicine: Adolescent Mental and Behavioral Health
- National Library of Medicine: The Therapeutic Alliance: The Fundamental Element of Psychotherapy
If you’ve ever typed “types of therapy†into a search tool and felt more confused after reading the results, you’re not alone. Terms like cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and EMDR can sound clinical and intimidating, but this guide helps you understand these approaches with definitions written for real people like you.
Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time, exploring options for a loved one, or simply trying to ask better questions when working with a therapist, we can help you through it all.
In This Article
Read More: Explore Different Types of Therapy
Why Knowing Your Therapy Options Matters
The beauty of therapy is that there is no one approach: it looks different for everyone, depending on their needs. The right treatment for someone navigating grief may look very different from what works for someone managing borderline personality disorder or processing childhood trauma. You may have heard of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which is very effective for many people, but it’s just one of many therapy approaches that trained professionals can use.
Knowing what’s available and which modalities address different needs empowers you to have informed, meaningful conversations with potential therapists or current therapists. It also helps you trust the process once you begin the healing journey.
The Most Common Types of Therapy, Explained
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Changing the Way You Think & Act
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is one of the most widely researched and practiced forms of psychotherapy in the world. At its core, CBT is straightforward: learning how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors interact helps you view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them more effectively.
In practice, CBT is structured and goal-oriented. Cognitive behavioral therapy usually takes place over a limited number of sessions, typically 5–20. During those sessions, a therapist helps you identify negative thought patterns, like catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking, and replace them with more realistic ones.
Best for: Anxiety disorders, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, substance use, and even chronic pain.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): For Intense Emotions and Difficult Patterns
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) takes a different approach, using fundamentals of CBT with an emphasis on acceptance. Originally developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan in the late 1970s and 1980s, it was initially designed to treat chronic suicidality in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Since then, its reach has expanded significantly.
“Dialectical†means trying to understand how two things that seem opposite could both be true. For example, accepting yourself and changing your behavior might feel contradictory, but DBT emphasizes that you can achieve both.
DBT focuses on four core skill areas:
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Mindfulness |
Interpersonal Effectiveness |
Treatment involves individual therapy sessions, group skills sessions, or phone coaching with therapists between sessions. It aims to help people develop skills they can use in their daily lives to effectively manage emotions, maintain or improve interpersonal relationships, tolerate distress, and avoid behaviors that are detrimental to their quality of life.
Best for: Borderline personality disorder, self-harm, suicidal ideation, eating disorders, depression, PTSD, and substance use disorders. In fact, the most effective treatment for borderline personality disorder is DBT.
EMDR: Healing Trauma Without Reliving Every Detail
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) may be one of the most misunderstood therapies, but it’s one of the most effective and well-researched trauma treatments available. Some studies found that 84–90% of single-trauma victims can no longer experience post-traumatic stress disorder after three 90-minute sessions.
The premise is rooted in how the brain stores traumatic memories. EMDR trauma therapy helps clients reprocess distressing memories that remain “stuck†in the nervous system, often driving symptoms such as hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, emotional dysregulation, and avoidance. During a session, a therapist guides you through recalling a distressing memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, tapping, or alternating tones. Over the course of the session, the memory typically loses its emotional charge and becomes integrated as a resolved past event rather than an ongoing emotional threat.
Reliving trauma is very painful, but the advantage of EMDR is that it doesn’t require talking through trauma in detail, making it especially valuable for those who find verbal processing overwhelming.
Best for: PTSD, complex trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, phobias, and abuse recovery.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Exploring the Roots of the Present
How has your past shaped who you are today? This is the question that psychodynamic therapy addresses as its foundational question.
Unlike CBT’s focus on thoughts and behaviors, psychodynamic therapy focuses on acknowledging emotions rather than thoughts and beliefs. It also focuses on understanding avoidance, identifying patterns, interpersonal relationships, and encourages free associations. This means freely speaking about fears, emotions, dreams, desires, and thoughts in a non-judgmental environment to discover unconscious or suppressed feelings.
Sessions tend to be less structured than CBT, with more room for open-ended conversation and self-exploration. This approach is particularly valuable for people who feel that their current struggles are connected to unresolved experiences or relational patterns from earlier in life.
Best for: Depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, grief, identity challenges, complex trauma, stress, panic, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder.
Humanistic Therapy: Centering the Whole Person
Humanistic therapy combines several approaches to address the whole person. It blends person-centered therapy (developed by Carl Rogers), Gestalt therapy, and existential approaches to focus on this core perspective: people are inherently capable of growth, and the right therapeutic environment can unlock that potential.
Humanistic therapy focuses on a person’s positive attributes, including their personal characteristics, strengths, and overall drive to self-actualization. The modality focuses on the here and now and encourages the client to take an active role in the therapy process. Really, the therapeutic relationship itself becomes the vehicle for change, which only reiterates the fact that finding the right therapist is crucial to a positive therapy experience.
Best for: Low self-esteem, existential concerns, personal growth, relationship issues, grief, and those who feel unseen or misunderstood in their daily lives. Humanistic approaches are also often woven into other therapy styles as a foundational framework.
Read More: Ready to Find Your Therapist?
How Do You Know Which Type of Therapy Is Right for You?
The truth is: You don’t always know in advance, and that’s okay. Most skilled therapists are trained in multiple modalities and will tailor their approach to your specific needs, history, and goals. The most skilled therapists have a diverse toolkit of methods they can draw from, adapting their approach to match each person’s unique needs, interests, and developmental stage.
That said, going in with some knowledge gives you the ability to ask meaningful questions. When looking for the right therapist, or during your next session, try asking your therapist these questions:
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1. Â What approaches do you use for [anxiety/trauma/depression]? |
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2. Â Are you trained in CBT, DBT, or EMDR? |
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3. Â How structured will our sessions be? |
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4. Â What experience do you have working with people with my cultural background? |
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5.  How will we know if it’s working? |
Asking these questions will help you find the right fit for your healing journey, and a good therapist will welcome them.
A Quick Reference: Therapy Types and What They Address
There are so many therapeutic approaches out there, and we’ve only covered a few. Still, here’s a breakdown of the theories we discussed and what they can help support:
Taking the Next Step
Understanding these approaches is the first step in building a better you. Finding the right therapist is a significant part of improving your mental health, but you don’t have to do it alone. GoodTherapy’s therapist directory allows you to filter by therapy type, specialization, location, and more, so you can find someone who truly fits your needs.
If you’re still exploring whether therapy is right for you, our blog on what to expect in your first therapy session can help you get started.
Remember, reaching out is not a sign that something is irreparably wrong with you. It’s a sign that you know your well-being is worth investing in.
Ready to Find the Right Therapist for You?
GoodTherapy’s directory lets you filter by therapy type, specialization, location, and more.
Resources
- American Psychiatric Association: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy
- Cleveland Clinic: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
- Cleveland Clinic: Dialectical Behavior Therapy
- Cleveland Clinic: Psychodynamic Therapy
- Cleveland Clinic: What Is Humanistic Therapy?
- EMDR Institute Inc: What Is EMDR Therapy?
- Harvard Health Publishing: Dialectical Behavior Therapy: What Is It and Who Can It Help?
What makes therapy work isn’t always what people expect. It’s not the credentials on the wall or even the specific modality a therapist uses. Linda Baker, PsyD, MA is a Denver-based licensed clinical psychologist and GoodTherapy member, has spent her career helping people find what they need: a therapeutic space where they feel genuinely safe, seen, and understood.
With a background that spans men’s correctional facilities, international disaster psychology, and trauma-informed care, Dr. Baker brings a rich and unexpected depth to her practice. Today, she works primarily with men using a hybrid of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a combination she developed over years.
We sat down with Dr. Baker to talk about what first-timers should know before walking into therapy, how she creates emotional safety for her clients, and the one mindset shift she shares with almost everyone she works with.
Read More: Take Our Quiz to Start Your Healing Journey
 LIVE INTERVIEW: Watch the Conversation with LINDA BAKER
Q&A with Linda Baker
Q: What should someone know before their very first therapy session?
Linda:
If you look statistically and you look at the research around positive therapy outcomes, the number one indicator of positive therapy outcomes is about goodness of fit. It doesn’t matter if somebody’s CBT trained, it doesn’t matter if they’re ACT trained, it doesn’t matter their modality. What really matters is how comfortable you feel with that person, if you feel like you could feel safe, if you feel heard…The more honest and authentic you can be, obviously, the better the therapy process is going to go.
If you meet with somebody and it doesn’t feel like a good fit, it’s totally okay to move on. There are so many different kinds of clinicians out there and there’s absolutely an opportunity to find somebody that you just feel safe and seen and heard with…
It’s sort of like dating. You’re allowed to go and meet and see how it feels and maybe give somebody a second shot if you’re sort of curious. And if it’s just not right, it’s not right.
Q: What if you know something feels off, but you can’t explain what it is?
Linda:
I think that’s sort of the whole purpose of therapy, actually. People [often]…notice a behavior…a feeling,…a mood shift,…[or] something sort of internally. And it’s actually really common for people to not know exactly what’s going on for them, especially when so many of our root issues come from historical experiences. It’s really hard to name that when we grow up and become adults.
[Therapy] gently brings that internal struggle to the surface and gives a voice to it. So then people can really understand what’s happening for them, and then they know what to do about it. That’s the good news about therapy, right? We can see what the issue is, we can name it, and then there’s a plan. There’s hope that can come from it.
It could be something really mild — I just feel really off and I don’t know why, or my energy or my motivation has really shifted, or my sleep is off, or I’ve been really moody with my partner….And that’s kind of the whole point of therapy: we sort of translate that for folks.
Q: Why does it matter to find a therapist who truly gets you?
Linda:
You have to feel really safe. I don’t mean just physically safe, but you have to feel emotionally safe with the provider you’re working with because this experience is so intrinsically vulnerable and it’s so intimate.
I have sort of a recipe for safety. For me, safety is consistency, predictability, and reliability. If a clinician shows up in those ways, then oftentimes what that does to the client’s nervous system is it helps them take a nice deep breath. So for me, whoever the client is, hopefully that therapist has expertise in working with all sorts of people. And regardless of their demographic or their background, what’s important for a clinician is to make sure that you’re providing that super safe, consistent, reliable, predictable space so the client can explore whatever those deep vulnerabilities are for them.
Q: How do you create emotional safety for your clients?
Linda:
I think a big one for me is showing up authentically…It’s so important to be really mindful and attuned to yourself coming into sessions. So if that means meditating, if that means going outside, if that means a hot bath, tea — whatever the thing is to ground you. To me, that’s so important. So you can show up and really be present and have an internal openness with clients…even clients virtually can sense when you’ve got space and room for them.
It’s hard because there’s so many things going on in the world and life is hard. But to me, it’s crucial for therapists to make sure that they’ve got internal room so they can provide it for the client. So then we’ve got this space we’ve co-created where we both can explore and make sense of things.
Q: How would you describe your approach to therapy?
Linda:
I’m classically CBT trained. That was kind of the approach when I was in school. I’ve since shifted into Internal Family Systems. [For] Internal Family Systems…I conceptualize all of us like we’re a bus and we’ve got all these different parts of us riding on the bus. Depending on the environment, a part of us will hop up and grab the wheel. Sometimes that’s really beautiful because it’ll drive us into prosperity [and] we make good choices. Sometimes the part is pretty problematic and drives us into a ditch…
We’re not…making people feel more ashamed around whatever the issue is that they’re having. It’s about approaching a part with genuine curiosity, understanding, compassion, and acceptance. That feels really important to me.
In terms of what makes me different as a clinician… I went through school wanting to work with women…[But] I kept getting shuffled into working with men, [including] men’s prisons, men’s jail, halfway houses, those sorts of things. And now…over half my practice is working with men. I get to use my deeply feminist intentions and background to help men behave differently in their relationships. It’s sort of an inadvertent way of helping the population I was really focused on originally, by helping the demographic that has a lot of interaction and impact on them.
I was also the second ever graduating class from the University of Denver’s International Disaster Psychology program, so I’m very deeply trained in trauma [and] working with refugees, asylum seekers, high-intensity circumstances. I would strongly recommend people to have a really good foundation around trauma because it’s so pervasive and it really shows up with whoever you’re working with.
Q: What’s one mindset shift that helps people start feeling better?
Linda:
One thing I say to clients constantly is: it’s not a problem unless it’s a problem. Clients will come to me and [their beliefs are] based off of our culture, based off of these pressures, or based off of what they grew up believing.
And it’s so interesting when you really get into clinical work with most clients: a lot of times things are not what they seem. Sometimes the concept or the value that they’re bouncing off of isn’t actually their own. It was something that was ingrained in them via culture, via family of origin, or their own history…I say to folks all the time: maybe this isn’t as bad as you think it is, and maybe it’s not actually a problem in terms of aligning with your own values and what matters for you.
Q: Is there any other advice or thoughts you want to share for clients or clinicians?
Linda:
Something I would recommend to therapists…is finding your own voice around what makes the most sense to you because then it’ll make the most sense to clients.
[Also,] check in with your clients. There’s this idea of trying to get it right all the time, and I think in this field there’s a good amount of perfectionism. It’s so important to ask clients Is this going well for you? Is it not going well for you? What feels good? What doesn’t feel good?
I’d strongly encourage clients: all you have to do when you come to therapy is show up and be yourself. That sounds really simple, but in a lot of circumstances, it’s so hard because it does feel so exposing and vulnerable. So I just really encourage people to take the leap and just see how it goes…Trust your gut, trust your insights, and then go from there.
You don’t have to wait until it gets so bad that you don’t know what to do next or you feel incapacitated. Therapy is a luxury…we get to have this experience, we get to have these opportunities…If you have access, take advantage of it. There are people out there that are good at helping, that are interested in helping. And you don’t have to suffer alone.
The First Step Means Taking a Leap of Faith
Linda Baker’s journey — from disaster psychology and correctional facilities to a thriving private practice — proves that the most meaningful work often finds us in unexpected ways. Whether you’re a first-time therapy-seeker trying to quiet that sense that something is off, or a clinician looking to refine your own approach, Dr. Baker’s insights offer something rare: clinical wisdom delivered without pretense, and a genuine belief that the right support can change everything.
If her words resonated with you, we encourage you to take that next step. Browse GoodTherapy’s therapist directory to find a provider who feels like the right fit that creates a consistent, safe space for you to grow.
Read More: Ready to Find Your Therapist?
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As a licensed mental health professional, your work has the power to impact peoples’ lives profoundly. It is only natural to continue educating yourself about the latest evidence-based practices after completing your degree. This is why continuing education is not optional. It is essential.
Whether you are a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or social worker, CE credits are required to maintain licensure. But continuing education serves a deeper role beyond compliance. It helps clinicians refine their skills, stay aligned with current research and deliver higher quality care to their clients who rely on them.
Key insight: CE credits are not just a regulatory checkbox; they are a professional commitment to delivering evidence-based, high-quality care to every client you serve.
What are Continuing Education Credits?
Continuing Education (CE) credits, sometimes also regarded as CEUs, are units of professional learning required by licensing boards to ensure clinicians stay current and competent in their field. CE activities can include coursework, live trainings, conferences, supervision and online learning.
Regardless of license type, mental health professionals must earn these credits to maintain active licensure during each renewal cycle.
How CE Credits Work
Complete accredited coursework → Earn CE credits → Submit to licensing board → Maintain active license
Why are CE credits important for Mental Health Professionals?
Continuing education supports four core professional needs:
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Licensing ComplianceLicensing boards establish CE requirements as both a legal obligation and an ethical responsibility. Providers must complete accredited CE courses to meet state or national requirements and maintain their ability to practice. |
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Clinical Skill DevelopmentLike any other healthcare disciplines, mental health is also evolving rapidly. New research, emerging treatments, digital tools, and culturally responsive frameworks continuously shape how therapists practice. |
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Staying Updated with Latest ResearchMental health knowledge is evolving rapidly. Some studies suggest that scientific knowledge in psychology can shift significantly within several years as new data emerges. This reality makes ongoing educational endeavors even more critical for therapists, social workers, psychologists and other professionals who want to practice responsibly and effectively. |
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Professional Confidence & Client CareInvesting in CE credits enables mental health professionals to stay up to date with latest advancements, feel more grounded in sessions, navigate complex cases, and make more informed decisions with confidence. It also reinforces trust when providers stay aligned with updated science and ethics. |
High quality CE credits for counselors and social workers are not just about checking a box. They are about staying current with evidence-based practices, deepening specialization in areas such as trauma modalities, EMDR, EFT, telehealth regulations, improving clinical skills in complex cases, and ultimately improving client outcomes while adapting to societal and regulatory changes.
Therefore, continuing education is an investment in both professional identity and client care.
This doesn’t mean, however, that pursuing CE credits is always simple.
Limitations and Barriers to Continuing Education
Most mental health professionals face real challenges when pursuing continuing education:
1. Time Constraints and Professional Burnout (click for more)
Most therapists are managing full client caseloads, alongside documentation and administrative work, supervision, consultation and personal commitments. Attending in person trainings often requires carving out time away from clients and their daily practice means, adding strain to an already demanding schedule.
2. Inflexible Learning Formats (click for more)
Many continuing education programs follow structured formats, set schedules or in person attendance, making participation harder to manage. For busy working professionals, setting aside time to commit to such sessions becomes difficult. Limited flexibility often turns continuing education into a logistical challenge rather than a meaningful learning experience.
3. Information Relevance and Overload (click for more)
With the proliferation of CE credit providers, it can be difficult to evaluate quality and accreditation. Many mental health professionals are genuinely concerned about the relevance of CE content to their specific practice areas and client needs. Choosing the right CE provider requires careful consideration.
What to Look for in Accredited CE Courses Online?
With limited time and many options available in the market, mental health professionals cannot treat all CE providers as equal. Selecting the right platform can make the difference between meaningful growth and simply checking a box.
Platforms such as GoodTherapy stand out because they offer:
What a Quality CE Provider Offers
- Accredited and Recognised Courses: GoodTherapy’s CE credits are backed by approvals from the American Psychological Association, NBCC, and NAADAC, ensuring compliance with most state and licensing board continuing education requirements.
- Focused Professional Growth: The topics chosen are grounded in evidence-based practices and presented by experienced, highly reputed clinicians and mental health professionals.
- Convenient and Organized Access: From live webinars to an organised library of over 500 home study courses, therapists can access learning that fits their schedule. The GoodTherapy dashboard tracks completed credits and provides easy access to certifications upon course completion.
“Speaking as a psychotherapist, I can attest that the CE workshops that GoodTherapy offers are top notch. Each one that I’ve watched or listened to is full of useful information.”
– Ashley Davis Bush, LICSW, author of 75 Habits for a Happy Marriage
Ready to Earn Your CE Credits on Your Schedule? If you are looking for continuing education for therapists that is accredited, flexible, and grounded in real clinical practice, GoodTherapy offers a trusted solution. Explore our CE course library or become a CE subscription member to access ongoing learning designed for working mental health professionals.
Starting therapy can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re not quite sure what to expect or where to begin. For Anna Aslanian, a licensed therapist at GoodTherapy, helping clients navigate that uncertainty is at the heart of her practice. With extensive training in evidence-based modalities including Gottman Method couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and attachment-focused EMDR, Anna brings both expertise and compassion to her work with adults seeking support for anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, and trauma.
In this Member Spotlight, Anna shares valuable insights on what makes therapy successful, from finding the right therapeutic fit to understanding that you don’t need to have all the answers before you start. Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or looking to deepen your understanding of the process, her perspective offers reassurance that healing is possible when you find a therapist who truly gets you.
Read More:
Take Our Quiz to Start Your Healing Journey
LIVE INTERVIEW: Watch the Conversation with Anna Aslanian
Q&A with Anna Aslanian
Q: For those who have never been to therapy, what should they know about starting their first session?
Anna:
I think it can be nerve-wracking to start therapy, and a lot of people have different ideas of what therapy is… It’s very different. If you’re looking for a therapist and it’s your first time, I have two tips that I think would make this successful.
Number one, look for someone who is specializing in what you’re looking for. So if you’re looking for therapy for, let’s say, depression, or you’re looking for couples therapy, or for your anxiety, or you’re trying to heal from childhood trauma, then look for that specific therapist who…mentions that they work with that specialty.
Don’t shy away from asking questions in terms of their experience, [including] what trainings they have.
Number two is your comfort level. I think therapy is different in that it’s very relational. So if you’re not clicking or connecting, or this person is not really making you feel safe to really be yourself and share, you might need a different fit. It doesn’t mean that a therapist is bad or you’re not doing a good job. It’s just really about connecting with one human being.
Just be as open as you can. Most of us therapists have heard all sorts of things. So there is nothing you can tell me that I will be shocked [to hear]. The more open you are and more you share, the better I can help you.
Q: How can therapy help someone gain clarity if they feel like something is off with themself?
Anna:
It’s not your job to do detective work to figure out what’s happening…The best thing to do is just be honest with the therapist, and you can just share what you know…I have these thoughts, I have these feelings, I have these body sensations. Based on that, your therapist should be trained enough to ask follow-up questions to narrow down what is happening and give you insight and psychoeducation so you can connect the dots.
So don’t feel like it’s your job to know the whole thing…Your therapist is there to really guide you and figure out why you’re feeling, what you’re feeling, what it ties to, and what tools you need to move past that.
Q: Why is it so important for people to find therapists who truly understand them, their background, or their identity?
Anna:
If you don’t feel safe with another person in the room, emotionally safe, it’s hard to open up and to share your deepest wounds and your thoughts. [Maybe] we’ve never shared that with somebody else before, or there is shame associated with what we’re going to share.
It’s really about the connection with the therapist and [if] you feel comfortable. You can also [tell] the therapist, “Hey, this is what would make me feel more comfortable,” just so that they can help you the best they can. But even then, sometimes you may feel like we’re not clicking, and that’s okay. There are so many therapists out there.
This is why so many therapists, including myself, provide free phone consultations before meeting. So that way you can have that 15-20 minute conversation on the phone…[and discuss] what you want to work on and see what they say. And if that really feels like, I’m excited to start this journey with this therapist and I feel comfortable, or it just feels like, I’m uneasy about this, then just follow your intuition on that.
Q: What makes your practice unique, and how do you know if you’re a good fit for a client?
Anna:
So with adults, it’s kind of two branches: couples and individual therapy. For couples, I have done many additional trainings on top of just getting your degree. For example, I’m certified in Gottman Method couples therapy, and that’s all research-based…So I’m not just listening to their problems and being a witness to it. I’m giving them research-based tools.
But I’m also trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which is all about the attachment styles and how you relate to another human being. And that really stems from childhood stuff. So I can really bring that into my work when people feel stuck and know how to get them out of that.
Within these years that I’ve been practicing, I’ve had a lot of both work experience as well as additional trainings to work with subcategories of couples therapy. So it’s not just a general approach. You have couples who come in when there is infidelity…or couples who are new parents…or premarital counseling, [or] addiction and couples therapy. All of those factors really change the dynamic and what interventions will be helpful.
For individual therapy,…I’ve worked in different populations, in different clinics, in different settings, …as well as had many certifications that really continue this growth as a therapist. I think that’s very important. We don’t just get our degrees and say that’s it or do an online course and that’s it. It’s…the schooling, the additional trainings, the practice in different settings to know how to actually utilize that in real-life situations.
I am certified in attachment-focused EMDR, as well as the traditional protocol of EMDR. I’m trained in polyvagal theory, which is all about nervous system regulating, in ACT, which is acceptance commitment therapy that’s super helpful for anxiety or just life transitions…Because I’m trained in all these different modalities, but also have the work experience and years of doing the actual work with clients, I can tailor that to what the client needs.
Q: Why is it important for therapists to have varied certifications, experiences, and educational backgrounds?
Anna:
If you’re only trained in one modality or you’re just generally trained, there are only a handful of techniques you might know how to do. That’s why it’s important to go to a specialist, or as a therapist, it’s important to continue your growth, because not every person heals and learns or unlearns the same way. There are different methods that work for different people, and one isn’t better than the other.
You need to have a really rich toolkit as a therapist to know, Okay, this client is processing things like this, so this approach is going to be better for them, instead of trying to fit them into the way you think.
Q: What’s one tip or mindset shift that you can share that helps people start feeling better?
Anna:
Get curious and compassionate about what’s happening instead of judgmental or solution-focused. Sometimes we can be very solution-focused, which isn’t a bad thing in itself. We have a problem, we want to fix it…But there may be a lot of judgment with that too, and pressure to change…
We [should be] compassionate with ourselves…[and] kind to ourselves the way we would be kind towards someone we love that’s going through a hard time. That’s number one. That would help you have less of that judgment and negativity around what you’re experiencing…
Whether you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, you’re stressed, or you’re feeling feelings that you think are shameful, the first thing that you can do is just allow all of that to be present in a room with you and know that it’s human and it’s normal. So you can be kind towards that aspect of yourself struggling, and then get curious: Where can I get my answers? Who can help me here? What do I need right now to take care of myself? I think those are the two fundamentals that will help you in this process of healing.
Finding Your Path Forward
Anna’s approach to therapy reminds us that seeking help doesn’t mean you need to have everything figured out. In fact, uncertainty is often what brings us to therapy in the first place. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges, processing past trauma, or simply feeling like something is off, the right therapeutic relationship can provide the safety and tools you need to move forward.
If you’re ready to take that first step, look for a therapist with expertise in your specific concerns, trust your gut about whether you feel comfortable, and remember that it’s okay to ask questions during a consultation. Therapy is a collaborative process, and finding a therapist who understands your unique needs can make all the difference.
To learn more about Anna Aslanian’s approach and see if she might be the right fit for you, visit her profile on GoodTherapy. If you’re interested in exploring more about the therapy process, check out GoodTherapy’s resources on how to find a therapist, what to expect in your first therapy session, and tips for getting the most out of therapy.
Read More:
Ready to Find Your Therapist?
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Many people find themselves constantly pouring love into a relationship cup that never seems to feel full. Loving someone who is emotionally unavailable is painful and confusing, and the exhaustion that comes from trying to connect while being kept at arm’s length deserves acknowledgment.
When it comes to navigating your partner’s emotional unavailability, understand this: emotional unavailability isn’t about you. It’s a complex pattern rooted in psychology, past experiences, and deeply ingrained protective mechanisms. Let’s explore what’s really happening beneath the surface and, more importantly, how you can navigate this challenging dynamic with clarity and self-compassion.
Attachment Styles
Relationship Patterns
Coping Strategies
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The Root CausesWhy some people struggle to be emotionally present in relationships |
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The Warning SignsConsistent patterns that signal emotional unavailability in a partner |
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How to CopeStrategies to protect your well-being and decide your next steps |
What Does Emotional Unavailability Really Mean?
Emotional unavailability describes a pattern where someone consistently struggles to be present, vulnerable, or intimate in a relationship. They are emotionally distant, often reluctant to share feelings, resistant to deeper conversations, and unable to commit to the relationship’s growth.
This is different from the occasional bad day or needing space after a stressful week. We all have moments when we’re less available emotionally.
Why Are Some People Emotionally Unavailable?
Understanding the “why†doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, but it can help you see the situation more clearly and make better decisions for yourself.
How Do I Know If My Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable?
If you’re wondering if your partner is emotionally unavailable, look for these consistent patterns:
Warning Signs to Watch For
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“One instance doesn’t define a pattern. But if you’re constantly feeling like you’re chasing emotional crumbs, that’s a red flag worth examining.â€
Can Emotionally Unavailable People Change?
Here’s the truth that’s both hopeful and hard: people can change, but only if they want to and are willing to do the work. Change requires self-awareness, acknowledging the problem, and a commitment to personal growth, either through therapy or another healthy avenue.
The question isn’t just “can they change?†but “are they actively trying to change?†There’s a vast difference between:
Someone who recognizes their emotional unavailability and is actively working with a therapist to understand and shift these patterns |
Someone who denies the issue or expects you to accept breadcrumbs indefinitely
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Read More:
How Can I Cope With an Emotionally Unavailable Partner?
If you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner, here are strategies to protect your well-being:
What If I’m the Emotionally Unavailable One?
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in these signs, that’s ok. Awareness is the crucial first step, and emotional unavailability isn’t a character flaw: it’s a learned protective pattern that served you once but may now be limiting your capacity for deep connection.
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A Note on Self-Awareness |
Therapy, particularly approaches focused on attachment or trauma, can help you understand where these patterns originated and develop new ways of relating. The work isn’t easy, but building capacity for emotional intimacy can transform not just your relationships but your entire life.
Take the First Step in Coping & Growing
You deserve a relationship where you feel seen, valued, and emotionally met. Whether that means your current partner commits to growth and change, or you decide to seek that connection elsewhere, trust that your need for emotional intimacy is valid and worthy of fulfillment.
If you’re struggling with this dynamic, reaching out to a therapist who specializes in relationship issues can provide the support and clarity you need to move forward with confidence and start building your emotional intelligence.
Not sure where to start? Take our quiz to find out what you’re looking for and how trained professionals at GoodTherapy can help.
You Deserve to Feel Emotionally Met
Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or looking for help with your relationship, GoodTherapy connects you with therapists who specialize in exactly this.
Resources
| Today: 10 Signs You’re With an Emotionally Unavailable Partner — Plus, How to Deal | → | |
| Cleveland Clinic: Attachment Styles | → | |
| Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Quality Among Couples | → |
Clinical Depression
Mental Health
Depression Symptoms
We all have days when the weight of the world feels a little heavier. Maybe you’re feeling down after a disappointment, grieving a loss, or simply exhausted by life’s demands. But when does normal sadness cross the line into something more serious? And how do you know if what you’re experiencing is depression that warrants professional help?
While these terms are sometimes used interchangeably, they have clear differences. Sadness is a natural human emotion that typically passes with time and self-care. Depression, on the other hand, is a medical condition that often requires professional treatment to overcome. Understanding the difference isn’t about minimizing your feelings: it’s about ensuring you get the right support when you need it most.
If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re experiencing is “normal” or something more, you’re already taking the right first step. Below, we explore the distinction between sadness and depression, so you can make informed decisions about your mental health.
What Is Sadness?
Sadness is a fundamental human emotion and a natural response to life’s inevitable losses, disappointments, and challenges. You might feel sad after a breakup, when a friend moves away, following a career setback, or even while watching a touching movie.
Sadness is normal and healthy, and it typically has a clear trigger. You can often point to a specific event or circumstance that’s causing your low mood. While it can feel intense, sadness usually comes in waves rather than being constant. Most importantly, sadness doesn’t usually interfere with your ability to function in daily life, and it typically lessens with time.
What Is Clinical Depression?
Depression, or clinically known as major depressive disorder, is more than an emotional response to difficult circumstances. It’s a mental health condition that affects how you think, feel, and function across all areas of your life. While external events or seasonality can sometimes trigger depression, the condition often develops without an obvious cause and persists long after triggering events have resolved.
Depression hijacks your brain chemistry, affecting neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. This isn’t about being weak or not trying hard enough to feel better. It’s a legitimate medical condition affecting the brain and requires proper treatment.
How Do I Know If I’m Depressed or Just Sad?
In black and white, these definitions might seem distinct enough. Yet, it can still be challenging to discern the two—even if you’re in the thick of it. Here are the key differences to consider:
What Are the Symptoms of Depression?
According to mental health professionals, depression involves experiencing five or more of these symptoms during the same two-week period:
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Can Depression and Sadness Coexist?
Absolutely. You can be dealing with clinical depression and also experience appropriate sadness in response to life events. In fact, people with depression often feel sad about the impact depression itself has on their lives, like strained relationships, missed opportunities, and lost time to the condition.
Additionally, certain types of grief can evolve into what’s called complicated grief, or persistent complex bereavement disorder, when mourning doesn’t follow a typical path and begins to resemble depression.
Interpreting Your Results
5 or more items checked
If you checked 5 or more items, particularly if they include thoughts of death or suicide: Please reach out to a mental health professional as soon as possible. These symptoms suggest you may be experiencing depression that would benefit from professional treatment.
3–4 items checked
If you checked 3-4 items: Consider scheduling an appointment with a therapist or your primary care doctor to discuss what you’re experiencing. Early intervention can prevent symptoms from worsening.
1–2 items checked
If you checked 1-2 items: You may be experiencing normal sadness or stress, but if symptoms persist or worsen, don’t hesitate to seek support. Prevention is always easier than treatment.
âš ï¸ Important: If you checked the item about thoughts of death or suicide: Please seek help immediately, regardless of how many other items you checked. Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room.
What Should I Do Next?
If your score on the checklist suggests depression, here are concrete next steps:
Talk to a Professional
Schedule an appointment with a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist who can conduct a proper assessment. You can also start with your primary care doctor, who can screen for depression and provide referrals.
Consider Your Treatment Options
Depression is highly treatable. Evidence-based approaches include psychotherapy (particularly cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy), medication (such as antidepressants), or a combination of both. Your provider can help determine what’s right for you.
Practice Self-Compassion
Whether you’re experiencing sadness or depression, your feelings are valid. Don’t minimize your pain or tell yourself you “should” be over it by now. Healing isn’t linear, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Build Your Support System
While professional help is crucial for depression, support from friends, family, or support groups can complement treatment. Don’t isolate yourself, even when withdrawal feels like the only option.
You Deserve Support
If you’re struggling, you deserve help, whether you’re dealing with sadness, depression, or something else entirely. You don’t need to suffer in silence, and you don’t need to have all the answers before reaching out.
Depression can make you believe that nothing will help, that you’re beyond help, or that you don’t deserve help. In reality, treatment does work, recovery is possible, and taking that first step toward support is often the hardest but most important thing you’ll do.
Your mental health matters. That’s why professionals at GoodTherapy are ready to help you get the support you deserve.
Ready to Find a Therapist? Start Here →
Black and African American individuals have experienced great progress when it comes to mental health support, but barriers to quality care still persist. These challenges exist all year round, but this February, you can honor Black History Month by exploring the importance of mental health in the Black community and taking actionable steps to remove these access barriers.
Below, we highlight existing challenges that Black individuals face in the mental health space and how you can help find practical solutions to culturally competent care for yourself or a loved one.
Cultural Competence
BIPOC Mental Health
Healthcare Access
In This Article
Discover why culturally competent mental health care matters for the Black community, explore common barriers to accessing treatment, learn about stressors unique to the Black experience, and find actionable steps toward healing and equitable care.
Read More:
Black Americans and Mental Health: Why Culture Matters
The mental health challenges of this community are complex. They are the result of a number of nuanced factors, including historical trauma, social stigma, systemic racism and discrimination, socioeconomic inequities, and cultural influences. Whether you identify as a person of color, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, an immigrant, someone of a specific religion, or part of another group, one truth remains true: cultural identity shapes emotional expression and coping mechanisms.
Did You Know?
Cultural identity isn’t just background, it fundamentally shapes how we express emotions, process trauma, and develop coping mechanisms. This is why culturally competent care isn’t optional; it’s essential.
You can see these challenges reflected in the stark realities of mental health
within the Black community in the U.S.:
The Numbers Tell a Story
Source: 2023 U.S. Mental Health Data
Key Realities in Black Mental Health
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Black adults in the U.S. are more likely to report persistent signs of emotional distress -
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As of 2023, Black adults comprised an estimated 13% of the U.S. population but 20% of those living with mental illness -
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Only one in three Black adults, on average, receives treatment, and are generally less likely to seek mental health treatment
Healthcare professionals must consider these critical factors as they provide care. Yet, many mental healthcare systems miss the cultural nuances that make individuals unique and shape their emotional needs. GoodTherapy’s Black Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) page, however, helps individuals find therapists who truly understand them and their backgrounds.
Barriers to Accessing Mental Health Care for Black Americans
Your mental health needs are specific to only you, but they often stem from cultural, historical, and intergenerational influences that people can’t control. For the Black community, cultural factors like segregation, discrimination, familial trauma, religious beliefs, and social pressures often keep folks from seeking care when they need it.
Key Insight
Cultural, historical, and intergenerational factors, including segregation, discrimination, and religious beliefs, create unique barriers that prevent many Black Americans from accessing the mental health care they deserve.
Understanding the Barriers
Historical Trauma
Systemic discrimination & segregation
Social Stigma
Cultural pressures & misconceptions
Socioeconomic Factors
Financial constraints & access issues
Lack of Representation
Limited culturally competent providers
Common Stressors in the Black Experience
Below are some common experiences that tend to add emotional and mental load on Black individuals. Being aware of these can help you better protect your well-being or support loved ones:
Code Switching
Changing important aspects about yourself to feel seen and accepted in certain spaces. Doing so repeatedly can take a toll on your well-being.
Microaggressions
Everyday, indirect, and subtle behaviors that target individuals in marginalized communities. Even well-meaning comments or actions can negatively impact self-worth.
Avoiding Stereotypes
Not doing activities you enjoy in public because you’re afraid of falling into certain cultural stereotypes. The constant fear of being judged can harm your emotional health.
Fear of Systems
Many people of color feel afraid of cultural systems like law enforcement, judicial systems, medical facilities, and more if they’ve experienced systemic discrimination in those spaces.
Internalized Racism
Negative self-talk or internal thoughts that enforce negative beliefs about Black individuals. Doing so repeatedly can negatively impact your emotional well-being.
These are not the only factors that can impact Black mental health, but recognizing common ones is the first step in emotional healing. Expert therapists at GoodTherapy are prepared to help you acknowledge and work through these experiences, so you can start protecting your mental health for a better you.
What Is Culturally Competent Care and Why It Matters
Culturally competent therapy helps you feel validated, understood, and equipped to manage your emotional needs within your cultural identity. This approach is especially beneficial for those in marginalized communities, but it’s key to find a therapist who knows how to do this appropriately.
What Culturally Competent Care Looks Like
✓ Validates Your Experience
✓ Understands Context
✓ Respects Cultural Identity
✓ Adapts Approaches
✓ Creates Safe Space
✓ Continuous Learning
Good therapists are not just professionals with experience: they’re people in your corner who really get you and your experiences. Culturally competent therapists can help Black individuals understand societal stressors specific to the Black experience and feel heard.
In one of our recent Member Spotlight interviews, we spoke to Dr. LaNail Plummer about the importance of addressing the unique elements of Black Mental Health. Her recent book, titled The Essential Guide for Counseling Black Women, explores this in more detail, helping both therapists and clients find culturally competent therapy that is unique to the Black experience.
Featured Expert:
Learn from Dr. LaNail Plummer’s expertise in our Member Spotlight interview about addressing unique elements of Black mental health.
Celebrating Healing and Resilience This Black History Month
Black History Month is all about celebrating the achievements of Black folks in U.S. history and the legacy they have today. This includes pioneers in mental health, such as:
Pioneers in Black Mental Health
Herman George Canady
E. Kitch Childs
Mamie Phipps Clark & Kenneth Bancroft Clark
Beverly Green
Celebrating people like these, and acknowledging Black mental health needs, helps us find solutions to better mental health services. Through advocacy and representation, mental health access and care for Black individuals improve, one conversation at a time.
Moving Towards Equitable, Compassionate Mental Health Care
The Black community is not the only group that experiences mistrust, fear, stigma, and systemic inequities when it comes to mental health. Yet, understanding the unique elements that influence Black mental health barriers is key to breaking them down.
Essential to this effort are culturally competent therapists: professionals who are eager, trained, and prepared to help you navigate your unique experiences and identities. If you’re ready to prioritize your mental well-being or support someone else, explore our GoodTherapy resources, like our Find Help Quiz, which helps you identify what care is best for you.
Your Path to Healing Starts Here
Step 1: Explore
Step 2: Connect
Step 3: Grow
Resources:
- History: Black History Month 2026
- National Alliance on Mental Illness: Black/African American
- National Library of Medicine: Management of Depression in Black People: Effects of Cultural Issues
- The Mental Health Coalition: Roadmap to Black Mental Health
- Barnes & Noble: The Essential Guide to Counseling Black Women
- Mental Health America: Black Pioneers in Mental Health
- Taylor & Francis Online: “When the Therapist is White and the Patient is Black: Considerations for Psychotherapy in the Feminist Heterosexual and Lesbian Communities.”