Young professional sits in front of laptop with open notebook, head on hand, looking botheredIf you were to think of a bullying situation, you might conjure an image of a small, bespectacled child cornered by a much larger one. Or perhaps you might imagine a group of taunting children circling rivals, enemies, or maybe an outsider. It’s common to think of bullying as a children’s issue.

Generally, people don’t expect bullying from adults—yet it does occur and can even come in disguise from a trusted colleague or someone considered a friend. Those who stand out as quirky or different, such as gifted or highly sensitive people, may be more vulnerable than most.

Adult bullying can occur anywhere, but it often occurs where a person spends the most time, such as the workplace or in social situations. Whether at work or among friends, bullying can take a person by surprise given that our social norms tend to discourage aggressive behavior, particularly in adulthood. However, adult bullying doesn’t have to be obvious and belligerent; in fact, it can be quite subtle.

[fat_widget_right]

If you are an adult, you probably have witnessed or experienced some form of bullying. Bullying is usually considered to be a type of harassment that occurs when someone purposefully tries to control someone else, without their approval.

Verbal bullying often occurs through word choice or tone of voice, and can be tauntingly direct, suggestive, or perhaps indirect—such as ignoring your contributions, insinuating disrespect, devaluing your time, excluding you, or sabotaging your work.

Bullying of this nature may happen once or repeatedly. When a person bullies, it can stem from insecurity about something or low self-esteem. It might be due to feeling powerless on the inside, resulting in behaviors that seek to take power from others. People who engage in bullying might have been victims themselves or perhaps never learned how to self-regulate. Of course, at its most troubling, an adult might bully others because it “feels good” or is somehow fun or rewarding. Exerting power over another person might feel especially “good” if there is a lack of empathy for those being harmed.

No matter how they came to bully, people tend to find their victims in people they consider significantly different from themselves. This could be someone they perceive to be (or wish to be) at a lower social standing. It might be a person who just rubs them wrong in some way. While not the most mature of behaviors, bullying is a significant problem in the adult population.

Gifted and highly sensitive people tend to stand out as different, and therefore may be prime targets for people who bully. But what do we mean when we use the terms “giftedness” and “high sensitivity”?

What Is Giftedness?

A person is typically labeled as gifted if they have been professionally assessed to have an intelligence quotient (IQ) of 130 or greater. However, not everyone has undergone IQ testing, and many professionals who work with the gifted population favor a more descriptive definition of giftedness. According to Morelock (1996), the Columbus Group provided this definition of giftedness in 1991:

“Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching, and counseling in order for them to develop optimally.”

Being qualitatively different, asynchronous, and atypical from the norm can make anyone of any age seem like an outsider.

What Is High Sensitivity?

Dr. Elaine Aron described highly sensitive people in 1997, purporting high sensitivity to be a personality trait that occurs in about 20% of the population. She further described this trait as stemming from differences in the nervous system, where there is a greater sensitivity to stimuli.

Highly sensitive people tend to perceive things more intensely and have a stronger awareness of the subtleties around them, making them generally respond differently than most to their environment. Highly sensitive people are often known to be gentle, emotional, intense, and of course sensitive.

The same wonderfully positive traits that make this population stand out can lead to highly sensitive adults being misunderstood or perceived as weak, overly emotional, haughty, or pushovers.

Possible Bullying Targets

The Workplace Bullying Institute reports that 27% of people have been bullied in the workplace (Namie, 2014). It stands to reason that a percentage of those who have been bullied stand out as different, quirky, sensitive, or atypical.

Gifted traits often include keen observation skills, fast thinking, and a strong sense of justice, which can potentially make gifted individuals sound like know-it-alls, system challengers, or tattletales—common marks for people who bully.

Even people generally considered kind may feel uncomfortable about, or threatened by, the characteristics often associated with gifted and highly sensitive populations. And the people who have these traits do tend to notice. The Gifted Identity Project (Malonai and Duncan, 2015) reported that most gifted individuals feel lonely, isolated, quirky, and different.

While gifted and highly sensitive people might come across as different, the quirky aspects of giftedness are multifaceted and sometimes incongruous. Gifted traits often include keen observation skills, fast thinking, and a strong sense of justice, which can potentially make gifted individuals sound like know-it-alls, system challengers, or tattletales—common marks for people who bully.

Likewise, rules and fairness tend to be important to this population, which may elicit conflict resulting in bad feelings. Gifted individuals are often looked to for leadership, even when it is not their place. This can later cause resentment or jealousy. Hyper-focusing is another common gifted trait, which can make someone seem inattentive or distant. In general, many traits commonly associated with the gifted and highly sensitive populations might bring about hard feelings in potential bullies.

How to Mitigate the Impact of Adult Bullying

Although you bear no responsibility for bullying behaviors you experience, it can be helpful to be both self-aware and open to improving your understanding of how others might perceive you.

  1. Keep calm and breathe deeply. Don’t give your power away by responding outside of your value set.
  2. Know the truth and believe in your own strengths. Don’t let anyone else determine who you are, nor let them get into your head about it.
  3. Speak up. Bullying can be seen differently by different people, and might in some cases be a matter of perspective. It might be worthwhile to share that you are feeling bullied, and specify how the words or actions impact you. It could be that speaking up will put an immediate stop to the problem.
  4. If you do speak up, do so safely. Make your approach when you believe there will be sufficient time, as hurried conversations are not necessarily easier. Choose an environment where you can speak confidentially that also has potential witnesses, such as a coffee shop or conference room with the door slightly ajar.
  5. Don’t respond to provocation. This will help diminish the power a bullying person might seek to obtain. In psychology, we call this fading.
  6. Show respect to yourself and others by responding to the underlying message instead of the negative words or behaviors. A good start to mitigate aggression is to acknowledge where the other person might be coming from. For example, “This seems very important to you. Let’s talk about it.”
  7. Get support. Even if it is difficult to open up when you have felt wronged or misunderstood, it can help to talk it out. Your mental health is worth the effort. Also, you might learn something about your strengths or get ideas on how to de-escalate the situation. Support might be found through your human resources department, an employee assistance officer, a trustworthy friend, an understanding coworker, a family member, help line, or a licensed professional such as a clinical counselor, mediator, or doctor.

References:

  1. Aron, E. N. (1997). The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. New York, NY: Broadway Books.
  2. Bullying Statistics (n.d.). Why Do People Bully. Retrieved from http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/why-do-people-bully.html
  3. Malonai, G. M., & Duncan, S. L. (2015). Gifted Identity Project. Cultural Influences on Gifted Families [Power Point Slides]. Retrieved from http://www.giftedidentity.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GIP-Cultural_SENG2015.sm_.pdf
  4. Morelock, M. J. (1996). On the nature of giftedness and talent: Imposing order on chaos. Roeper Review, vol. 19(1), 4-12.
  5. Namie, G. (2014). WBI U.S.: Workplace Bullying Survey. Workplace Bullying Institute National Office.

parents helping child ride a bikeA trait parents of gifted children often struggle with is the incredibly strong will within their sweet and thoughtful child. This trait, an intensity often associated with giftedness, can make a gifted child appear distressingly oppositional and defiant. This type of behavioral issue is often misunderstood.

Typical strategies, such as removing a beloved object or a time-out, are less likely to work with strong-willed gifted children because the underlying reason for the negative behavior usually relates to perseverating upon a personal value. In other words, the reason for the refusal to comply is often based on a combination of cognitive dissonance along with a perception of injustice.

When the tried-and-true strategies don’t work, try a different take on supporting your child’s emotional development. A technique called scaffolding can be especially beneficial for fostering emotional growth in your strong-willed gifted child because it demonstrates a pathway to positive understanding, and thus there is less countering against a behavior.

[fat_widget_right]

Teachers often use scaffolding as a way to enhance learning. Literal scaffolding is used in construction, where the scaffolding is a temporary structure built up on the outside of a structure in order to create the desired building. In this way, scaffolding is used as support for growing a building. The scaffolding does not take over a building, nor does it become the building. When it is no longer needed, the scaffolding is removed, and it can be built up again if needed later.

Scaffolding with gifted children promotes improved self-esteem and self-efficacy, and feeling you are good at what you do, which in turn can have a long-term impact on reducing negative behaviors, anxiety, and depressive symptoms.

Scaffolding support allows you to figuratively come up alongside children in support, where you are at their level as opposed to towering above.

Scaffolding also addresses asynchronous development, which is when a child is more mature in some ways and less mature in others. Cognitive dissonance is common in asynchronous individuals because of the disparity in their development.

Keep in mind that scaffolding is a type of support, and is not about taking over your child’s learning tasks. Scaffolding support allows you to figuratively come up alongside children in support, where you are at their level as opposed to towering above. To avoid dependency, be consistent with support at first, and then adjust and diminish your support as your child gains confidence.

When using scaffolding, pay attention to the small details, especially your own voice. Speak in a tone of voice geared toward the youngest emotional age presented by the child, while not speaking down intellectually.

This takes some practice, but can be very effective. The following tips delineate ways to creatively work with your gifted child’s strong will, promoting growth and offering an alternative communication style for conflict resolution:

  1. Provide support for who they are. This means you help your children discover their own traits, and help build their self-concept of who they are (not yours).
  2. Do not assume gifted children know their strengths, skills, and especially their efforts, just because they are gifted. No one comes with an owner’s manual.
  3. Promote self-understanding in more than one venue. For example, you might help gifted children better understand themselves by having them do projects that reflect their particular characteristics. The activity could be making a collage or gardening—the activity itself does not matter, as the important thing is to make sure the focus reflects their characteristics.
  4. Comment on strengths at every opportunity. Some strengths are easy to spot. For example, “I noticed how kind you were to that child who fell down. You are caring.” Also, look for strengths in characteristics that might not be so obvious. For example, “I heard you say you felt shy, and I also saw how you paid attention to things others might not have noticed.” Pointing out strengths helps create an environment of acceptance. As your child notices and feels your acceptance, you are helping them to accept themselves.
  5. Gently point out challenges along with hope and positive guidance. This includes identifying feelings, if applicable. For example, you could say, “Sometimes I notice you struggling with anger. It doesn’t look comfortable, and this is something you can change. I have some ideas for you to try.” Identifying challenges while planting seeds of hope not only helps your child learn to identify needs, it demonstrates to them you notice and accept them with an understanding of their traits, including their most challenging ones.
  6. Pay attention to your tone of voice. Use a tone of voice that is geared toward the youngest emotional age your child presents at a given time, while your vocabulary meets them where they are at intellectually. In this way, you are also taking into account asynchronous development.
  7. Acknowledge and celebrate their efforts. This does not mean you should throw a party. Instead, positively remark on effort and identify the accompanying feeling. For example, “You really put a lot of effort into practicing the violin. That must feel good!”

Offering scaffolding support can help your gifted child learn to utilize their strengths while building confidence and self-understanding. These are essential for effectively managing conflict in a precocious, strong-willed child, and can provide a solid foundation for mitigating perseverant convictions. Never hesitate to seek support from a licensed mental health professional if you need help.

Blonde preteen sits on school steps reading while kids behind pointGifted children may be at a higher risk for being bullied than their more neurotypical peers. The risk factors for bullying victims are similar to many traits prevalent within the intellectually gifted population.

Risk Factors for Bullying

First, let’s look at the risk factors for being bullied. According to StopBullying.gov, a website managed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, children are more likely to be bullied when:

[fat_widget_right]

Bullying in Gifted Children

Now, let’s compare the risk factors above to some of the attributes commonly found in gifted children.

Gifted children are usually perceived as different from their peers. They often stand out as “quirky,” “strange,” or “weird,” and they may have unusual interests for their age (such as a 7-year-old who seems obsessed with DNA sequencing). Even gifted children often feel that they’re different and may separate or isolate themselves because of this.

Depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem are also risk factors. Gifted individuals are more often diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety than the general population, elevating their risk of being bullied.

Gifted children may have trouble getting along well with others, or can be seen as annoying or provoking. They might even antagonize others, though not necessarily for attention. In addition, sensory processing issues are prevalent in the gifted population, and responding to excessive (or insufficient) stimuli can be seen as annoying or antagonizing to others.

Twice-exceptional children are described as both gifted and coping with special needs. The special need is usually a type of disability, such as a learning disorder (such as dyslexia or dysgraphia) or a mental health condition (such as attention-deficit hyperactivity/ADHD, depression, or anxiety). This population displays traits that have multiple commonalities with the risk factors for bullying, such as feeling anxious, appearing to be weak (and thus not capable of self-defense), or being annoying, different, or simply viewed as “not cool.”

Parental Involvement Makes a Difference

Parents often feel helpless when they realize their children have experienced bullying. However, being empowered to address bullying is not only excellent modeling, it means you can change the situation. Parental involvement is essential when supporting a gifted child to end bullying.

If your instincts are telling you that your child might be bullied, it’s time to ask some questions.

First, you need to recognize when bullying is a problem. If your instincts are telling you your child might be experiencing bullying, it’s time to ask some questions. For parents who need more than a gut feeling, you will have to both pay attention and have frank conversations.

Not all children show obvious signs that they have been bullied, and if a gifted child doesn’t want you to know something, then they may utilize their intellect to creatively hide the impact of bullying or distract you from asking about it.

Bullying is not typically something a child wants to bring up, nor will they necessarily know how to talk about it. This might be especially true for a tween or younger child.

Is Your Child Being Bullied?

Identification is the first step. Signs that bullying might be a problem include:

5 Steps to Mitigate the Impact of Bullying

Follow these steps to help diminish the effects of bullying:

  1. Help your child to develop a stronger self-concept and better self-understanding. This will help to counter the damaging effects that bullying can have on self-esteem.
  2. Use both modeling and scaffolding to teach your child to recognize their strengths and positive traits. Most children don’t know or recognize many of their strengths, and gifted children are no exception.
  3. Point out positive traits. This is different than praise. Simply describe their strength, such as, “You are a boy who enjoys building complex creations out of Legos.” Even if your child dismisses your words, hearing about one’s own strengths has a lasting, positive effect and increases resiliency.
  4. Teach your child self-compassion. To be kind to oneself is essential to healing from bullying. A good way to teach self-compassion is to model it.
  5. Get support when appropriate. It’s both OK and important to seek professional help if a bullying problem doesn’t subside or worsens.

Reference:

Risk Factors. (n.d.). StopBullying.gov. Retrieved from http://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/factors

Feeling homesick or anxious is normal when children are away from home, and these feelings do not mean that something is wrong with your child. Children of all ages can get homesick, but younger children and children who have never been away from home tend to be more prone to homesickness. Children may also be more likely to experience homesickness if they are going through a transition in their lives, have family instability, have trouble with emotional regulation, or have been diagnosed with depression or chronic anxiety.

If you are concerned that your child will be homesick or anxious while away, avoid the urge to warn him or her that it may be difficult. Empathize with and listen to any fears, and tell your child that you will help him or her strategize. Avoid bargaining, cajoling, or bribing. Instead, offer support and help your child gain insight into his or her processes. One way to do that is to talk about how the human brain works. If your child’s brain receives a message that something seems wrong or unknown (like the unfamiliar surroundings of camp), the brain responds in ways to keep the body safe. This can help your child to understand that anxiety and homesickness are how his or her brain is communicating that he/she is in unfamiliar territory. [fat_widget_child_counselor_right] You can further help your child minimize these feelings with proper preparation and by teaching him/her healthy coping tools. When your child understands the underlying messages of homesickness and anxiety, has a toolbox of positive coping skills at hand, and is aware of the importance of paying attention to his or her feelings, the child will be well-prepared to enjoy time in new environments. Here are seven specific tools to help a child counter homesickness and anxiety:

1. Plan Ahead

A little preparation can go a long way. Give enough notice of an upcoming trip or departure for your child to adjust to the idea, but not so much notice that there’s too much time to fret. Just how far ahead you announce the trip should depend on your child’s developmental stage and the length of stay away from home. It can be beneficial to hang a wall calendar in a common room. Mark the calendar with the date of departure as well as fun or interesting events that highlight the time away, and occasionally remind your child about these, increasing as the time approaches. This will give your child something to look forward to, which can help ease the transition. Of course, prior warning is not always possible and plans can change unexpectedly, but allowing your child time to adjust to the idea of staying away from home can be helpful.

2. Practice Self-Care

Another way to help prepare your child for being away is by having him or her learn and practice self-care skills ahead of time. Self-care skills include life-skill basics such as brushing teeth or changing underwear. However, they also include ways to calm, relax, and soothe, such as taking deep, slow breaths, picturing a relaxing scene, or imagining upcoming fun activities and experiences. Calming techniques take practice, and are best learned and practiced at least a few weeks prior to a departure date.

Effective self-care also includes keeping up healthy habits while away from home. Eating well and adequate rest have several benefits. Your child is less likely to enjoy his or her time away if he/she is running low on steam. When a child has insufficient rest or fluctuating blood sugar, internal resources are utilized elsewhere and coping skills become less available. Encourage your child to stay in tip-top shape by making healthy food choices and maintaining regular sleep hours. (If you have a younger child, the responsibility of maintaining healthy habits would of course lie with the caretaker.)

3. Offer Encouragement

Prior to the departure date, discuss the fun things planned for your child while he or she is away from home. Offer your child encouragement about the positive experiences and the new friends they might make. Encouragement would include the typical, “You can do it!” and, “These are the fun things you will get to do,” as well as reminders of heathy skills, such as, “You know just how to breathe deeply and slowly so your body relaxes.”

4. Positive Self-Talk

Support and encouragement are important, but in the long run, utilizing positive self-talk can be even more powerful. Positive self-talk is encouraging yourself by talking to yourself out loud or in your head. An example of positive self-talk is saying, “I am safe, and even though I am someplace different than usual, it is a good place and someplace where I can have fun.” As simple as positive self-talk is, it takes a lot of practice to be effective. In other words, saying something positive to yourself once or twice does not usually suffice. Teach your child to encourage or reassure himself/herself many times throughout the day, especially during transitional times, such as upon rising or before bed. When most children are missing home they are missing their typical framework of sensory cues and the patterns they are used to.

5. Talk It Out

Talk with your child about his or her particular concerns about being away from home. Building your child’s feeling-words vocabulary can help. When he or she uses words that more accurately express his/her emotions about leaving, he/she will more likely feel understood, and it can then be easier to explore potential strategies together. Help your child to identify who he or she might choose to talk with if he/she feels the need while away. This may be a close friend, sibling, camp counselor, grandparent, or other relative.

6. Bring Along an Element of Home

Bringing along a sense of home in the form of sensory cues (visual, scent, or sound) can help make an environment feel more familiar. Have your child pack a reminder of home, such as a favorite stuffed animal or pillow, a spritz of mom’s perfume on a hankie, a family photo, or favorite music. Also, sending something small along for your child to decorate his or her sleeping area with can help make it feel more personalized, thereby increasing a sense of safety and familiarity.

7. Stay in Touch (Sort Of)

Anxiety and homesickness in children sometimes stem from a fear of being forgotten while away. Even though frequent phone calls may not be possible during your child’s trip, you can still let your child know that you will not forget about him or her while you are separated. Regularly scheduled contact may help alleviate anxiety, such as phoning to say goodnight, if possible.

However, unscheduled phone calls may increase stress. When a child is at camp, written communication may be best. Whether your child is at camp or spending time with relatives, encourage him or her to write you a note or draw you a picture (or two) for hand delivery when you reunite, and make a point to read and respond after you are reunited. Note: If anxiety worsens or does not subside after utilizing the coping tools above, your child may need the support of a licensed, qualified counselor.

Sleeping ChildSleep is not only important for your child’s rest and rejuvenation, good sleep is essential to healthy development. Sleep problems affect a child’s mood, ability to cope, and academic performance. Sufficient sleep can promote emotional resilience and keener senses.

Quality vs. Quantity

Sleep scientists tell us that preschoolers need 11 to 13 hours of sleep each night, while children ages 5 to 12 need 10 to 11 hours. Making sure your child gets enough sleep can be a demanding task, but it’s one that reaps almost instant rewards. Well-rested children learn better, play better, and even sleep better the next night.

However, sleep is gauged by both quantity and quality. Scientists view our nightly slumber in terms of the stages of brain-wave activity and physiology that punctuate the course of a night’s sleep. These stages progress in predictable patterns known as sleep cycles. Sleep quality is a way of evaluating the health of our sleep cycles.

Sleep Cycle

A typical sleep cycle starts when your child feels drowsy, resulting in light sleep. Next, he or she enters a longer period of deep sleep, which is followed by a shorter period of rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. He or she dreams during REM sleep, and then the cycle begins again, starting with drowsiness or very light sleep. Your child will go through four to six (or more) sleep cycles during the night.

If his or her sleep is disturbed mid-cycle, and/or he or she has incomplete sleep cycles, or if he or she sleeps too lightly or wakes too easily, his or her sleep quality will be poor, independent of number of hours of sleep. This may lead to mood swings and/or difficulty with concentration, and over time, long-term health can be threatened.

[fat_widget_child_counselor_right]

Sleep Solutions

Here are five strategies that may help your child get the quantity and quality of sleep he or she needs:

1. Dim the lights.

Surprisingly, it’s not simply seeing light that wakes us in the morning. In fact, it is a specific wavelength of blue light that starts the process. Sunlight, as well as the light emitted by fluorescent bulbs, television, and computer and smart phone screens, contains blue wavelengths that trigger a waking response in our brains.

Exposing your child to these artificial light sources during the hour before bed can make falling asleep harder, and diminish the quality of sleep by curtailing the production of the sleep hormone melatonin. Even nonfluorescent lights can trigger this effect when the source is overhead, so avoiding the use of ceiling lights and tall floor lamps can help.

In place of watching nighttime TV and movies, have your child listen to stories. The tradition of reading bedtime stories out loud is perfect. If you are not in the mood to read, try an electronic book or gentle music.

For an older child who uses a computer or other electronics at night for homework, consider using an app or program that both dims screens at sunset and adjusts the output spectrum to include very little blue. The app will typically return the screen to its normal color mode and brightness at sunrise. The app described is shareware called f.lux.

2. Provide a calm environment.

A calming, soothing bedroom environment can be remarkably effective in helping your child fall asleep. To create a peaceful environment, reduce visual stimuli. If you are thinking of painting or redecorating, try using calm or soft colors. Set lamps on low bedside tables. Reducing clutter can help, too.

To provide a calm environment when siblings share a room, try a white-noise machine, or, if necessary, remove one child until the other can sleep well on his or her own.

If sleep is especially difficult to attain, stricter measures may be needed. Associating the bed with sleep can make a big difference and change how your child relates with his or her sleep environment. This entails pairing the bed with the activity of sleep, similar to how Ivan Pavlov paired a bell with meal time in his famous dog experiments.

Pairing the bed with sleep means that your child must use his or her bed only for sleeping—not to watch television in, eat in, or even play on. That way, whether he or she sees or lies in bed, his or her body will know the bed is meant for sleep. If sleep continues to be elusive, it may be time to seek the help of a licensed mental health or medical professional.

3. Establish a routine and stick with it.

A bedtime routine means consistently doing the same activities before bed, at or very close to the same time, every night. The activities can be as simple as teeth-brushing and pajama donning, as typical as a bedtime story, or as elaborate as a scented bath, followed by soothing music and a back massage. Whether simple or elaborate, a consistently applied routine will help your child have an easier time falling asleep and staying asleep.

A sleep routine also supports the circadian clock in your child’s brain. This is because over time your child’s brain associates the time of day and bedtime prep activities with sleep, so when the routine is started, the brain gears up for sleep while he or she completes the bedtime tasks.

One word of caution: a bedtime routine can be easier to establish than maintain. It helps if everyone in the household is on board. To set the stage for success, create a sleep schedule that can be consistently manageable, even if a parent is absent or the child is away from home.

An optimal routine starts the countdown between 30 and 60 minutes before bedtime. Timing is basic to routines, and while some flexibility is great, keeping bedtime at 9 p.m. or earlier is strongly recommended for children 12 and younger.

4. Substitute soda or hot chocolate with chamomile tea or warm milk.

What goes into your child’s body can impact how he or she sleeps, and understanding how different foods impact sleep can have life-long benefits.

Chamomile tea and warm milk each have ingredients that promote relaxation. Even if your child can fall asleep after drinking caffeine, his or her sleep cycles may not be as complete.

Teach your child to understand and respect his or her body. A healthy body supports healthy sleep. For example, he or she may need exercise during the day in order to sleep well at night.

Also, naps count. If your child still needs a nap, to have real value the nap must be at the right time. An optimal duration and time for napping is about 30 minutes between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. Avoid napping between 7 a.m. and noon or after 6 p.m.

5. Teach your child how to self-soothe and relax.

Children get stressed too, and worries or tension can make it difficult to fall and stay asleep. In part, this is because stress is correlated with high cortisol levels, and high cortisol can inhibit sleep. However, when your child’s body moves into a relaxed state, cortisol levels reduce.

A healthy bedtime routine can reduce anxiety associated with sleep. Soothing and relaxation exercises don’t need to take a lot of time out of the routine. Adding just five to 10 minutes of a relaxing activity can make a difference. Relaxation techniques can include a muscle tension/relaxation exercise, a guided visualization, or listening to gentle music.

Massage and similar modalities can also help (for some children, a back rub is always welcome). Likewise, warm baths have long been believed to help induce asleep, and they’re a great part of the bedtime routine.

There’s another benefit to bedtime baths. They’re not only a way to keep your child clean and cozy, science has shown that a result of bathing is a drop in core body temperature, which helps to start the sleep cycle. An ideal bath time is first on the routine, at least an hour prior to sleep, so that your child’s body has time to cool down before he or she hits the sheets.

Research has demonstrated that a lavender scent can be effective at promoting relaxation, and thus works as a sleep aid. Try a drop of lavender essential oil in the bath water, or place a few on drops on the shower floor (scent will rise).

References:

  1. Abbott, S. M., Arnold, J. M., Chang, Q., Miao, H., Ota, N., Cecala, C., … Gillette, M. (2013, August). Signals from the Brainstem Sleep/Wake Centers Regulate Behavioral Timing via the Circadian Clock. PLoS ONE, 8(8), 1-11.
  2. BBC Worldwide Ltd. (2009). Films on Demand collection. 10 things you should know about sleep.
  3. Institute of Medicine (US) Committee on Sleep Medicine and Research; Colten HR, Altevogt BM, editors. Sleep Disorders and Sleep Deprivation: An Unmet Public Health Problem. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2006. 2, Sleep Physiology. RetrievedAugust 16, 2014, from: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK19956/
  4. Meltzer, L. (2010, Jul-Sep). Key procedural elements for the treatment of behavioral insomnia of childhood. Chart. Behavioral Sleep Medicine, 8(3), 177.
  5. Mindell, J. A., Meltzer, L. J., Carskadon, M. A., Chervin, R. D. (2009, August). Developmental Aspects of Sleep Hygiene: Findings from the 2004 National Sleep Foundation Sleep in America Poll. Sleep Medicine, 10(7), 771-779.
  6. National Sleep Foundation (2014). Children and Sleep. Retrieved August 13, 2014, from http://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep

Preteen with long hair under light blue hat stands leaning back against fence, looking thoughtfulAnxiety is a surprisingly common problem in children. If your child has sensory processing issues or sensory hypersensitivity, you may have already witnessed how these can bring about or intensify anxiety. These sensory issues aren’t always limited to one type of sensory input. Hypersensitivity can be found in any sensory system, and affect a person in one, two, or several systems at once. The intensity of experience common to sensory hypersensitivity, sensory processing issues, or other sensory issues can be a challenge for anyone, but for a child it can be overwhelming.

For instance, to children with tactile hypersensitivity, a sock seam might feel like the scratchy side of Velcro on tender skin. A voice that seems perfectly normal to most people might be painfully loud. Children who experience sensory input this intensely may naturally avoid or try to delay situations where they will be overstimulated by the offending sensations.

Anticipating future situations like these naturally leads anxiety-prone children to worry. A child may worry so much that anxiety becomes a day-to-day response. As parents, we are in a very good position to help our children avoid these pitfalls, and to develop good-feeling, healthy habits and attitudes.

There are many positive and healthy ways to manage anxiety that stems from sensory issues. Three examples of anxiety neutralizers are understanding, fun, and mindfulness.

[fat_widget_right]

Understanding

Understanding is key—both understanding oneself, and feeling understood by others. Understanding the relationship between one’s own hypersensitivity and anxiety can be empowering for children. Feeling understood by others, especially by parents, makes a big difference. Both of these will ease fears, and as parent, you are in the perfect position to help.

Feeling Understood

Children need to know that their parents understand where they are coming from, and that they are not being judged. Parents can ask questions, acknowledge their children’s feelings, and help them develop an action plan.

For example, if your child has a fear of leaving the house before school, listen carefully to your child and seek out the underlying problem. Convey that you understand. Help your child express herself using words, so that instead of reacting to her anxieties with a tantrum, she can explain the discomfort. Feeling understood helps your child feel nurtured and supported, and helps promote positive coping skills.

Self-Understanding

Likewise, your child needs to understand himself. Educate your child about his brain function. Explain that a special part of his brain works to keep him safe. When this part of the brain gets a message from a sensory organ (such as the skin, eyes, nose, tongue, or ears), it responds accordingly.

For instance, when nerves on his hand send a message to his brain that the stove feels hot, his brain responds quickly by moving his hand away from the heat. Likewise, if his brain receives a message that something seems wrong or unknown (like intense smells, loud sounds, etc.), his brain does its best to understand (interpret) the sensory information and respond in ways that might keep his body safe.

In people with hypersensitivities, the signals from the sensory organs send some messages to the brain that are intensified, amplified, or confusing. This is why the brain might send a message saying “Be anxious!” to the body so that it will be ready to run, hide, or maybe even fight.

Just knowing the cause of anxiety won’t make it go away, but it’s a beginning. Your child may need the support of a licensed, qualified therapist to develop positive and healthy coping skills, but learning to pay attention to their own feelings when anxious can be very helpful right from the start.

Fun

The sensations linked to having fun can be powerful against worries and sensory intensities. Fun is not a direct antidote to be applied during an emotional crisis or time of heightened anxiety, but rather a component to build upon and reinforce.

Habitual anxiety can distract a child’s natural inclination toward play, humor, and wonder. Facilitate your sensitive and anxious child’s sense of adventure. Point out when you notice joy and positive feelings. Laugh together (but never laugh at your child). Identify and help your child find humor, and use a sense of humor as a positive coping skill.

Mindfulness

Serenity, feeling calm and at peace, is the opposite of anxiety. One way serenity can be found is by breathing naturally and being fully present in the moment. This type of focus on the here-and-now is called mindfulness. Presence of mind comes with practice. For some, mindfulness is second nature. For the rest of us it’s a state we can learn to live in.

There are specific skills and habits that can be adopted to build a more mindful way of living. Mindfulness techniques have been proven to reduce anxiety, which in turn can reduce the intensity of sensory overstimulation. It is worthwhile to make time to teach your children how to focus on the present moment, and to be more mindful.

Learning about your child’s sensitivity or anxiety, communicating your understanding and support, and focusing on positive feelings can go a long way toward promoting excellent mental health. Your attitude as you travel this path is very powerful. Hold firmly the belief that your child can find peace and calmness. This can generate confidence and mastery. Your approach will be reflected in your attitudes and expectations, which can encourage your own efforts and help your child better cope, overcome difficulties, and ultimately thrive.

References:

  1. Brown, A. P., Marquis, A., Guiffrida, D. A. (2013). Mindfulness-based Interventions in Counseling. Journal of Counseling and Development, 91(1), 96-104.
  2. Engel-Yeger, B, Dunn, W. (2011). The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Difficulties and Anxiety Level of Healthy Adults. British Journal of Occupational Therapy, 74(5), 210-216.
  3. Felver, J. C., Doerner, E., Jones, J., Kaye, N. C., Merrell, K. W. (2013). Mindfulness In School Psychology: Applications for intervention and professional practice. Psychology in the Schools, 50(6), 531-547.
  4. Gourley, L., Wind, C., Henninger, E., Chinitz, S. (2013). Sensory Processing Difficulties, Behavioral Problems, and Parental Stress in a Clinical Population of Young Children. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 22(7), 912-921.
Important Notice

GoodTherapy is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.