The title of this article may seem a bit strange. Guilt is not an enjoyable experience—how can it be beneficial? The answer is that guilt can help prevent us from engaging in behaviors that may harm others and ourselves. While this is true, it is overly simplistic when left as an argument by itself. It can be maintained that it is better to do the right thing not in order to avoid guilt, but to do what is right.

Guilt does more than motivate us to avoid engaging in behavior that will cause us to feel it. Guilt invites self-reflection. This is the greater potential inherent in guilt, but we must be willing to stay with the feeling to benefit from these possibilities.

Don’t Get Rid of Guilt: Work Through It

Different types of guilt may warrant different approaches to working through them. I will discuss three primary types of guilt: neurotic guilt, reality-based guilt, and existential guilt.

With existential guilt, I will also identify three different subtypes. When we work through guilt instead of trying to quickly overcome or get rid of it, the result is often wisdom and growth. When we try to quickly rid ourselves of guilt, we often are doomed to repeat similar behaviors.

When people express feelings of guilt and regret, a common response from others is to encourage them to “let it go” or forgive themselves, especially when it appears the person is being overly hard on themselves. This is well-intended advice, but it can fall short.

The Three Types of Guilt

Neurotic guilt is based on something for which one ought not feel guilt. It is out of proportion to the event that caused it. It can even be valuable to understand where neurotic guilt is coming from in order to identify its deeper roots. For example, neurotic guilt may be rooted in experiences of being inappropriately shamed for something as a child. Identifying the cause, instead of just working to quickly alleviate the guilt, can help resolve the neurotic guilt at its source.

Actual guilt, or reality-based guilt, may seem easier to understand. If we act in a selfish manner that causes harm to a friend or loved one, it is good to feel guilt, but still important to avoid quick, simplistic resolutions. If we were to quickly apologize and forgive ourselves, we may miss opportunities for deeper understanding and wisdom that may emerge from reflecting upon our guilt.

Rollo May believed that self-awareness is the foundation of ethical behavior. When we accept the invitation to reflection that accompanies actual guilt, we may come to understand ourselves better so that we can make informed changes in our life.

Rollo May believed that self-awareness is the foundation of ethical behavior. When we accept the invitation to reflection that accompanies actual guilt, we may come to understand ourselves better so we can make informed changes in our life.

A third type of guilt, existential guilt, is often unavoidable. It is rooted in the human condition. Rollo May identified three primary types of existential guilt, each connected with different aspects or modes of our existence: personal, interpersonal/social, and the physical world.

The Three Subtypes of Existential Guilt

Existential guilt at the personal level is about not living up to our potential. If we accept the invitation to reflect on this form of existential guilt, we may come to recognize where we are not seeking to fulfill our potential and identify what is blocking us from actualizing it.

At the interpersonal level, existential guilt can easily be confused with actual guilt. However, existential guilt at the social level is focused more on one’s responsibility to others and society in general as opposed to specific interpersonal transgressions (May, 1958). When one is aware of injustice in the world around them but does not do anything to make a difference, they may feel an existential guilt. It is not that they have engaged in a behavior that has caused harm, but rather they feel guilty for participating in a system or culture that is causing harm without advocating for change. This guilt is rooted in an understanding that we are social creatures and have a responsibility to others with whom we share this world.

May believed that existential guilt at the physical world level is the most pervasive and complex. This is rooted in our connection to the physical world and our environment. As an example, neglect of the physical environment can result in existential guilt. The guilt may not be from doing intentional harm, but it may be caused by one’s inaction or neglect.

These different types of existential guilt recognize that we are both independent beings and social beings at the same time. When we deny our nature as individuals or social beings, this results in guilt. It is impossible to actualize all our potentials, speak to every social injustice, and address every environmental injustice. As a result, we are bound to having some degree of existential guilt.

For those who are deeply aware of existential guilt, this can feel overwhelming. The lesson from existential guilt is not that we should try to do everything, but that we should strive for finding a balance in which we engage in our own personal development and responsibility to the social and physical world while accepting that we cannot do it all.

Conclusion

Guilt is a call to reflection. It invites us to reflect upon our lives and the way we are living. It invites us to consider whether we are living responsibly and living in accordance with our values. When we accept the invitation and engage in this reflection, we are often able to achieve deeper wisdom. We become able to live congruently with our values.

For Victor Frankl, this reflection is the key to happiness. He believed that happiness becomes more elusive when we seek it directly and that it is best achieved through living life well. When we live life well and in accordance with our values and principles, happiness ensues.

If you are struggling with feelings of guilt, warranted or unwarranted, a licensed and compassionate therapist may help you work through them.

References:

1. Frankl, V. (1984). Man’s search for meaning: An introduction to logotherapy (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Touchstone.
2. May, R. (1958). Contributions of existential psychotherapy. In Existence. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, Inc.
3. May, R. (1975). The courage to create. New York, NY: Norton.

It is often assumed by the general public that psychological diagnosis is a normal part of therapy that always occurs. Some people who have been in therapy may be unaware they have received a diagnosis. For their part, therapists have a wide range of views and practices pertaining to diagnosis, ranging from seeing it as essential to seeing it as unnecessary. Consumers have a right to know the advantages and risks of diagnosis.

Advantages of Diagnosis

Some people find relief and validation in receiving a diagnosis, as it symbolizes they are not alone. This can decrease the guilt, shame, and feelings of isolation that often are experienced. Diagnosis can also open up resources. This may be true, in particular, for children who are struggling with challenges in their social, emotional, and behavioral functioning.

For professionals, diagnosis can be a good way to quickly and easily communicate information, helping them to be more informed when working with a person in treatment. Also, diagnosis is often required for insurance to pay for therapy, which is a significant financial benefit.

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Risks of Diagnosis

The risks of diagnosis are less frequently acknowledged. Most people I work with in therapy are surprised when I discuss the advantages and disadvantages of diagnosis with them; almost all who previously have been in therapy note that no therapist has done this with them before. But there are indeed risks, and consumers have a right to be aware of them.

Diagnoses often stick with people. I have had people who came to me for therapy with a previous diagnosis that followed them from childhood well into adulthood. In some cases, it was quite clear they were misdiagnosed early on, yet the label stuck with them. Diagnoses can also change over time and may no longer be accurate.

Further, diagnoses can be misunderstood by those outside the mental health profession. I have spoken with many previously diagnosed people who, upon sharing this with people they trusted, found it changed their relationship and, in some cases, ended it.

What Is Diagnosis?

What constitutes a diagnosis is debated by therapists (Kinderman, 2017). In essence, a psychological diagnosis is a label placed on a group of behaviors or experiences that are often called symptoms. The determination of what amounts to a diagnosis is determined largely by what is considered “normal” or average. There are some who maintain that diagnosis almost always has a biological origin, while others believe it tends to emerge largely from personal or social experience. Many believe it may be a combination of these two.

At times, a diagnosis can lead to focusing solely on the symptoms of that diagnosis, without considering the challenges or thought processes that may be contributing factors. This can limit the understanding of you, your concerns, and what you want from therapy.

A cluster of symptoms that fit a diagnosis may emerge from different causes. For example, depression may result from having endured difficult experiences in life or may, at times, have a biological cause. Yet, some assume that, regardless of whether there is a social/personal cause or a biological cause, the treatment of a condition should be through medication. This is a concern of many therapists who have witnessed therapy, without medications, successfully treat many conditions.

At times, a diagnosis can lead to focusing solely on the symptoms of that diagnosis, without considering the challenges or thought processes that may be contributing factors. This can limit the understanding of you, your concerns, and what you want from therapy.

After the release of the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013, many therapists were upset with the changes (Kinderman, 2017; Robins, Kamens, & Elkins, 2017). These changes included a general lowering of the threshold of the criteria to give people certain diagnoses. Some therapists voiced concern that this could lead to medicating people who do not need medication.

In the end, psychological diagnosis is based in part on science, in part on theory, and in part on the politics of the field of psychology. There is much that remains unknown and much that is hotly debated. I generally urge caution when any mental health professional is married to any one perspective on diagnosis and does not acknowledge other views.

Consumer Rights with Diagnosis

I believe that, in most instances, consumers should be part of the decision about whether to be given a diagnosis. It is not something that should be imposed upon the consumer without their input or perspective. Here are my recommendations for consumers regarding diagnosis:

• If your therapist does not bring up diagnosis in the first session, ask if they are going to give you a diagnosis and what the diagnosis is.
• Ask what the diagnosis means and your therapist’s reason for giving you the diagnosis.
• If you do not want to be diagnosed, tell the therapist. They may be required to give a diagnosis if you are using insurance; however, you have a right to be a part of that discussion.
• You have a right to ask how the therapist will use the diagnosis.
• If you believe your therapist is treating you like a diagnosis and not like a person, discuss this with them.
• Ask your therapist how your diagnosis may impact you.
• If you are not comfortable with your therapist’s approach to diagnosis or the diagnosis they give, get a second opinion or consider finding a different therapist who may be a better fit for you.

Diagnosis can be a difficult issue for therapists and consumers alike. It is best approached as a collaborative process within the therapeutic relationship. Regardless, you have a right to know what is going on with your diagnosis.

References:

1. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5^th). Washington, DC: Author.
2. Kinderman, P., Allsopp, K., & Cooke, A. (2017). Responses to the publication of the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 57, 625-649.
3. Robbins, B. D., Kamens, S. R., & Elkins, D. N. (2017). DSM-5 reform efforts by the Society for Humanistic Psychology. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 57, 602-624.

Through my years as a therapist, I have been amazed at how frequently people who come to see me for therapy write poetry. Yet, this should not be surprising. As Hoffman and Granger (2015) wrote, “Before there was psychotherapy, there was poetry, which can be recognized as one of the oldest healing arts that has been utilized across many different cultures throughout history” (p. 16).

As long as people suffer, there will be poetry. But why are people drawn to poetry when they hurt? As I will discuss, there are many ways poetry parallels traditional therapy. Even if you have never written poetry before or do not feel you are a good poet, you may find there are healing and growth benefits from engaging in this practice.

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Release

One of the reasons therapy is effective is it provides an emotional release. When emotions are held in, they do not go away and may impact individuals more than they realize. It is common to hear people report feeling relief or even a lightness after a therapy session. Much of this has to do with the release.

Poetry is often written during times when people are feeling intense emotions. In fact, the emotions often drive the poetry. Much like a good conversation or therapy session, poetry can provide a release. It is important, though, to not mistake an emotional release with solving the problem. While the release may help get to a place where the problem can be seen and experienced differently, the release rarely solves the problem.

Processing Emotions

Therapists love to talk about “processing emotions,” yet even therapists often struggle to explain what they mean by this. The master therapist James Bugental (1987) described processing as involving going in and out of the emotional experience while connecting this to meaning, or making sense from the emotions. In this conception, there are two parts of processing emotions. First, it is important to feel or experience the emotion. Second, it is important to think about the emotions and make meaning of the emotional experience.

This, too, closely parallels the experience of many people who write poetry, especially when the poem begins with an experience of suffering. Poems often emerge in the midst of strong emotions. While part of what the poem does is describe the painful experience vividly and creatively, there is often a component of trying to make sense of the experience through understanding it more fully or through finding meaning in the suffering. When this second component is part of the writing process or the reflections on the poem, it closely parallels therapy.

There are therapists who specialize in what is called poetry therapy, which is one avenue to use poetry toward healing. However, even if poetry is not the primary focus of therapy, it can be incorporated into the process if the therapist is open to this.

Awareness and Insight

Processing emotions often leads to greater self-awareness and new insights. There are many ways poetry can bring new insights. For example, when I write a poem from a strong emotional experience, I generally try to lay it aside for at least a day or two and then return to it. Often, when I return to it, I discover new elements of the poem that I had not originally considered. For example, I might reflect more on a word choice or a symbol that emerged naturally in the creative process. Through this, I might consider new meanings in my experience.

Similarly, sharing a poem with a close friend or therapist may lead to feedback that fosters new insights. When sharing a poem written for healing purposes, it is not about seeking feedback on the artistic or writing quality; rather, it is about exploring the meaning and significance of the poem in one’s life.

Using Poetry for Healing and Growth

There are many ways individuals can use poetry intentionally for healing and growth. There are therapists who specialize in what is called poetry therapy, which is one avenue to use poetry toward healing. However, even if poetry is not the primary focus of therapy, it can be incorporated into the process if the therapist is open to this.

Poetry also can be used toward healing and growth on one’s own. Here are a few suggestions for those who want to be more intentional about using poetry for healing and growth:

1. Do not worry about the quality of the poem. If your focus is on creating a great poem, this may interfere with the healing quality of the poem.
2. Try to deeply engage your emotions when you begin writing the poem. Let the poem emerge from the emotional space. This can be a beautiful way of inviting your emotions to be more present in your life without any judgment of the emotions.
3. Try writing different styles of poetry. You can try out different books of poetry for healing and experiment with the varied styles of poems you find in these books.
4. Explore your expressions with others. You may share your poems with a trusted friend or your therapist, inviting their reflections on the meaning or significance of the poem.
5. Write and rewrite a poem over time. If you keep the different versions, you can compare them and see how they reflect different places in your journey with the issue you are struggling with.

References:

1. Bugental, J. F. T. (1987). The art of the psychotherapist: How to develop the skills that take psychotherapy beyond science. New York, NY: Norton & Company.
2. Hoffman, L., & Granger, N., Jr. (2015). Introduction. In L. Hoffman, & N. Granger, Jr. (Eds.), Stay awhile: Poetic narratives and multiculturalism and diversity (9-17). Colorado Springs, CO: University Professors Press.

In our fast-paced society, leisure often gets a bad rap. Working long hours and being productive is glorified, regardless of the quality of work. Although self-care, too, is a fairly new buzzword, too often it is something that is squeezed into busy schedules to try to counteract the long hours of work and increased stress that are pervasive in contemporary society. We may rise early to go to the gym or take a yoga class on lunch break during a typical workday. While there are benefits to squeezing in self-care, it can also contribute to the busyness of life when forced into one’s calendar.

When someone seeks to slow down, place boundaries around their work, or even take a more leisurely pace during the workday, they may be labeled as “slow,” “lazy,” or “unproductive.” It is valuable to have a good work ethic, but a work ethic is often confused with working ourselves to the point of doing psychological and physical damage. In truth, the hours of work and levels of stress people are encouraged to carry in contemporary society are contributing to what may become a physical and mental health crisis.

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The High Costs of Working Too Much

Working too much has consequences for oneself, one’s family, and one’s work (Alarcon, 2011). It can lead to anxiety, depression, irritability, family conflict, difficulty concentrating, and decreased productivity, among other challenges. In addition to the psychological difficulties, burnout has been connected with physical health issues, including an increased risk of cardiovascular problems (Toppinen-Tanner, Ahola, Koskinen, & Väänänen, 2009). This is not a small price.

The Benefits of Leisure

Leisure, on the other hand, has many benefits. Besides enjoyment, the most obvious benefit is that leisure allows our bodies to recover from the stress and activity of daily life. Leisure also provides time to reflect and think through what is happening in our lives. In my therapy practice, I find people often make comments such as, “I have not had time to think about it” or “I have wanted to find time to consider that.” Many people’s lives have become so busy that they do not have time to think about their life!

A slower pace allows for people to consider ideas and decisions more thoughtfully. It allows for creativity, including discovering creative solutions to one’s challenges.

Berg and Seeber (2016) maintain there are many benefits to attaining a slower pace in life. Although they write primarily about professors and academics, many of their ideas are relevant for those outside of university settings. A slower pace allows for people to consider ideas and decisions more thoughtfully. It allows for creativity, including discovering creative solutions to one’s challenges. It allows for people to find meaning in what is occurring in their life. Finally, it allows people to be more intentional in the choices they make.

Individuals who do not take time to think through their life often feel disconnected from themselves and those around them. This, in part, is because there is not time to make meaning from their lives. Irvin Yalom (1980) notes that people are meaning-seeking creatures by nature. In other words, we have a basic need to find meaning and to make sense of our lives. Leisure and reflection are essential to finding and engaging meaning.

Conclusion

It often is not easy to choose a more leisurely pace in life. For many, employers are requiring longer hours and justifying this as a necessity. Others need to work longer hours or more than one job to meet financial obligations. In these cases, it may be necessary to utilize self-care strategies, including making the most of the leisure time that is available. However, for others, busyness is a lifestyle choice that has become a habit or even an addiction. Many people have become so used to working that they experience anxiety or guilt when they slow down, which often is part of an addictive pattern. Even children and teenagers are often thrust into a schedule that allows for little time to rest. They need to be taught the value of including and embracing some slower periods in life.

The needed change is not just a personal one, but a social one. The costs of living an overly busy lifestyle need to be recognized alongside the benefits of cultivating periods of rest. We need to change the script about leisure as lazy or unproductive and, instead, recognize its value.

References:

1. Alarcon, G. M. (2011). A meta-analysis of burnout with job demands, resources, and attitudes. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 79, 549-562.
2. Berg, M., & Seeber, B. K., (2016). The slow professor: Challenging the culture of speed in the academy. Toronto, Canada: University of Toronto Press.
3. Toppinen-Tanner, S., Ahola, K., Koskinen, A., & Väänänen, A. (2009). Burnout predicts hospitalization for mental and cardiovascular disorders: 10-year prospective results from industrial sector. Stress and Health, 25, 287-296.
4. Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential psychotherapy. New York, NY: Basic Books.