The few who choose the holy bond of matrimony in today’s society still struggle with the simple act of living well.  Those who denounce marriage as simply a piece of paper, go from attraction to sexual intimacy quickly, then wonder why they can’t have a long-lasting relationship.  

Couples or partners with shaky, argumentative relationships, dwell on what’s wrong with the other person, instead of looking inward to see what part they are playing.  For most couples,  arguments are over trivial matters, like “why didn’t you put the cap back on the toothpaste” which in the grand scheme of things will not matter in a few days, weeks, or months. Think about the trivia you argue about and will it really matter a few days in the future? And if not, forget it and move on.   

Focus on “Simply Living”

In some conflictual relationships, couples dwell on the problem, constantly bringing up the past, and not allowing for open discussion where each party feels listened to. 

What is wrong with marriage today is couples don’t spend enough time simply living, enjoying each other’s company, talking, and sharing fun moments together. Instead, they become mired in what is wrong with their marriage instead of the simple act of living well, in peace, harmony and serenity. Or bury themselves in endless hours of social media to avoid being vulnerable with their partner.  

Even when there is infidelity, there is time to share experiences, games, hobbies, and playful moments where fixing the problem is not the center of attention.  There has to be time to question and explain how you both got to this point, but it doesn’t have to be the center of your universe for the rest of your life.  

Study instead how to enjoy life.  

• Don’t take the simple wonders of nature for granted. 
• Discover what makes you happy and do it.  
• Become a giver rather than expecting others to fulfill all your needs. 
• Give people the benefit of the doubt instead of judging and comparing yourself to others.   
• Discover the art of completion; finding a project, hobby, course  or volunteer opportunity you can  do together, complete and feel good about your mutual  accomplishments.  
• Put down your cell phone and stay off your computer and spend time with your spouse and children. How did you feel growing up when your parents ignored you or gave you no emotional support?  

Intimacy Blockers

There are eight stages of intimacy, (sex is #7), all of which are important in establishing a long-term relationship.  They include having similar interests, goals, and dreams.

Being able to talk to each other and at the same time, enjoy being apart from each other without jealousy and mistrust. Having similar beliefs, ethics, morals and values. Being able to trust one another and feel safe in your own home.  

The problem is dating today has taken on a new meaning.  Meet someone and immediately have sex with a stranger. Then wonder why you can’t keep a long-term relationship. Your partnership is rooted in only one form of intimacy.   

In my practice I see couples who have a great sex life, but the other 23 hours of the day they are fighting with each other over mundane, petty, unimportant matters.  

What blocks intimacy for couples is lack of trust, need for control, and low self-esteem. When you can provide trust for your spouse, give up having to control every situation, and boost your self-esteem, you’re ready to live a life with peace of mind and serenity, even amidst the chaos and uncertainty about the future surrounding us all.  

There is a distinct difference between healthy sex and sexual abuse and addiction. Many people think of sexual addiction as something obsessive and compulsive which happens online or outside the bedroom with other people.  But there is a common thread within the household that rears the ugly head of addiction and that is sex as an obligation. “I did this for you, you owe me sex.”  

According to the McKinley Health Center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, “healthy sexuality is positive and enriches our lives.  Healthy sexuality allows us to enjoy and control our sexual behavior without guilt, fear, or shame.”   

Wendy Maltz developed the CERTS model for healthy sex. It includes consent, equality, respect, trust, and safety.  Healthy sex is a natural drive of choice, an expression of love, private, respectful, mutual, safe, and enhancing of who you are. Unhealthy sex in the form of abuse or addiction is an obligation, hurtful, manipulative, exploitive, emotionally distant, and benefits only one person.  

A man comes home from work, tired, depressed, angry, and stressed out. He wants to have sex to feel better.  But his wife looks at him and says, “You’re tired, depressed, angry, and stressed out, why would I want to have sex with you?”   It can’t be a one-way street.  

It’s the difference between intensity and intimacy.  Sex addicts have an intimacy disorder. It’s easier for them to fantasize about an erotic picture online than be vulnerable enough to be intimate with their partner.  

Keeping score with sex as the “prize” is not intimacy, it’s manipulative and unsafe for the partner and simply feeds the egocentric narcissism of the addict.  

Sex plays an essential part in any marriage or relationship.  Like any other behavior, it can turn from healthy to unhealthy quickly and partners need to be prepared by setting boundaries and guidelines of what they enjoy and don’t enjoy.  

If you are experiencing intimacy issues the GoodTherapy Registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

What are the Differences Between Panic Attacks and Anxiety Attacks? 

 Although people often confuse panic attacks with anxiety attacks and use the terms interchangeably, they are considered to be distinct by mental health professionals. While panic attacks are included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition) known as the DSM-5, anxiety attacks are not.

Some of the major differences between panic and anxiety are as follows: 

• Anxiety is usually focused on a future situation.
• Panic is a fear reaction to what feels like imminent danger.
• Anxiety is typically accompanied by worry thoughts about the future, e.g. making serious mistakes in a job interview or receiving a diagnosis of terminal illness.
• Panic, on the other hand, is accompanied by thoughts about the immediate situation, e.g., “I’m going crazy,” or “I’m having a heart attack.” 

 Behaviors that stem from anxiety include avoiding situations or taking extra precautions. In contrast, behaviors that occur during a panic attack involve escaping the present situation or finding immediate help.  

 Furthermore, while symptoms of panic are abrupt, intense, and last about 10-30 minutes, symptoms of anxiety are longer-lasting, occurring over days or months and are usually less intense and include muscle tension, restlessness, irritability, sleep disturbances and fatigue. It is possible for anxiety to build up to a more intense level that may feel like an “attack”, however, a true panic attack would also include other symptoms such as a preoccupation with an immediate rather than a future threat.  

 What are the Different Ways that Anxiety Can Show Up? 

 Panic Disorder 

 People who experience recurrent, unexpected panic attacks accompanied by repeated worry about having more panic attacks or their consequences (e.g., passing out, having a heart attack, losing control, “going insane”) are struggling with panic disorder.

They often try to cope with their distress by avoiding situations where they think a panic attack may occur. This type of intense fear or anxiety of situations where it might be difficult to escape or get help if a panic attack occurs is called agoraphobia. Panic disorder can occur with or without agoraphobia. 

 Generalized Anxiety Disorder 

 Anxiety can also show up in the form of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). While everyone feels anxious from time to time, excessive, ongoing anxiety and worry that interferes with day-to-day activities is a sign of GAD. People who struggle with GAD are consumed by persistent worries about worst-case scenarios in a number of areas of life such as health, relationships, and work. They have a hard time dealing with uncertainty, have trouble concentrating and worry about making wrong decisions. GAD worries often get in the way of falling or staying asleep. Relationships suffer because GAD often comes with feeling fatigued, irritable, tense, and nervous. It is even possible to experience stomach distress such as nausea, diarrhea, or IBS.  

 Social Anxiety Disorder 

 Another way that anxiety often shows up is in the form of social anxiety disorder (social phobia).  While it’s normal to sometimes feel anxious in social situations, if anxiety and avoidance of social situations is significantly disrupting quality of life it may be indicative of social anxiety disorder.  

 People who struggle with social anxiety feel nervous and uncomfortable in social situations because they worry about being judged. They dread and try to avoid situations such as meeting new people, attending parties or social gatherings, public speaking, being the center of attention, dating, going to work or school, talking on the phone, or doing things, such as eating, in front of others. They also have a hard time stating their opinions, making requests, or making eye contact. Social anxiety can cause a number of physical symptoms such as blushing, stomach upset, sweating, trembling, tension, dizziness and lightheadedness. 

 Specific Phobias 

People who are terrified of one or more specific objects or situations are struggling with a specific phobia. Phobias may fall into one or more categories, such as doctors, dentists, blood, needles, or medical procedures; confined spaces; insects or animals such as spiders or dogs; heights; driving; flying; vomiting or choking; natural phenomena such as thunderstorms; or fear of other things such as clowns. Although people with specific phobias are aware that their anxiety about these things is unjustified or exaggerated, they feel powerless to control it. Facing a phobia trigger can bring up uncomfortable physical sensations such as sweating, rapid heartbeat, chest tightness, difficulty breathing, nausea, dizziness, or fainting at the sight of blood.  

 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Can Help 

 If anxiety or panic is significantly interfering with your quality of life it can be very helpful to work with a clinical psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is an evidence-based form of therapy that focuses on changing patterns of thinking (cognitions) and behaviors associated with anxiety. CBT is supported by research and considered to be the “gold standard” treatment for anxiety disorders. Research indicates that over 60% of those who undergo CBT experience a significant improvement in anxiety symptoms in 12 – 20 treatment sessions. The tools and skills learned during CBT last a lifetime.  

 Therapy at Compass CBT can help you reclaim your life from anxiety and panic so you can be more calm, confident and engaged in your life. 

The GoodTherapy Registry might be helpful to you if you suffer from panic or anxiety. We have thousands of Therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

 About the Author 

Regina Lazarovich, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Compass CBT, serving clients across California and New York. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Hofstra University. Her work has spanned hospital, university counseling center, community health center, and private practice settings. Dr. Lazarovich has a comprehensive background in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). She utilizes evidence-based practices to help adults struggling with panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and specific phobias. She approaches binge eating disorder (BED) and body image concerns from Health at Every Size® (HAES) and Intuitive Eating perspectives. 

 

Take a Minute to Consider These Questions

• Are you frequently late because you must check the stove eight or nine times to ensure it’s off before leaving your house?  
• Do you wash your hands often, trying to get them clean, but never really feel they are?  
• Are you unable to throw anything away because you think it may be useful at some point in the future?  
• Do you become worried that you will somehow lose control of your behavior and hurt someone, even though you never have?  
• Do you perform a verbal or physical ritual that you feel helps ensure that people you are close to stay healthy and safe? 
• Do you find it hard to let go of certain thoughts, finding them so intrusive and persistent that you cannot get other important tasks done? 

 If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may suffer from OCD – or obsessive-compulsive disorder. This illness is not rare; it affects at least four million adults in the United States and is the fourth most common psychiatric illness in this country.

How Can OCD Impact Your Life?

OCD is a disorder that is often progressive and can become crippling. Some OCD sufferers never leave their homes because of the various rituals they need to perform. Others can’t function at work because they spend so much time secretly engaged in various rituals. 

Many obsessive thoughts and rituals are completely mental, not physical, so the illness can be almost invisible to everyone close to the person affected.   

As the name suggests, OCD has two parts: obsessions and compulsions.  Many people suffer from obsessions only, but a good number eventually develop compulsions.

Obsessions

Obsessions are the thoughts, ideas, or impulses that repeatedly well up in the mind of the person with OCD. They may feel a need to do things almost too perfectly, an unreasonable concern about becoming contaminated by germs, or a persistent fear that harm may come to themselves or loved ones.

Compulsions

Compulsions are the behaviors that are done in reaction to this thinking, usually to try to gain some control over the uncontrollable. Following a behavioral routine gives the sufferer temporary relief through a false belief that the ritual can ensure that something unwanted will not happen. 

Usually, the person with OCD is fully aware that their thinking is irrational, but this does little to stop the behavior.  The obsessions and compulsions often lead to an unbreakable cycle including severe anxiety.

When is OCD a Problem?

Most people experience obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors at one time or another, but the actual disorder of OCD is not present until the thoughts and rituals have become dominant features in their lives and some aspect of the person’s work, family, or social life is affected.  

Once the full criterion is met, OCD will often not go away, and therapy is needed before there are irreversible effects on a person’s social, academic, or work life. 

The good news about OCD is that it has a very positive prognosis – OCD is very easily overcome through therapy.  Most therapists use what is called cognitive behavioral therapy to bring about relief from OCD symptoms. Clients learn to monitor their thoughts and recognize the connection between their thinking, feeling, and behavior.

The therapist acts as a “behavioral coach” and often gives a lot of homework between sessions. Progress can be slow, but gradually clients learn to separate their thoughts from their behaviors. Once behavior changes even a little bit, there is a strong likelihood that things will get much better sooner than later. You’ll come away with a toolbox you can use to manage your symptoms in real time!

The bad news is that the isolation, embarrassment, and self-loathing caused by OCD can prevent some people from seeking help. They may be afraid that their thoughts or compulsions are so “crazy” that they’ll get laughed at or labeled as strange.  

 Find a Therapist

If you suspect you are suffering from OCD, consider finding a therapist. Be confident that they know that this problem is unpreventable and biological, just like an allergy or sight impairment.  You don’t have to be a prisoner of OCD.

The combination of therapy, sometimes along with medication, usually provides effective treatment. You can make a life-changing decision by recognizing the problem and having the courage to seek help. 

 You are not alone if you suffer from OCD, even though you may suffer in silence. Therapy can truly help and give you the resources to stave off relapses should they begin to come on in the future.

In fact, cognitive behavioral therapy often provides tips and techniques you can use to manage many kinds of anxiety, so it can often have lasting effects beyond OCD.

Dr. Alan Jacobson is a Licensed Psychologist who has been in practice for over 20 years. He has helped many adolescents and adults who suffer from OCD and other challenges with anxiety.  

The GoodTherapy Registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.  

Unleashing Your Body’s Healing Power

In the intriguing world of healing and therapy, a method is quietly revolutionizing how we approach and address trauma: Somatic Experiencing (SE). SE, a form of therapy developed by Dr. Peter Levine, operates on a notion that seems almost too simple to be true: the body knows how to heal itself. But before you dismiss this as another health fad, let’s journey into the fascinating world of somatic therapy. 

 Imagine for a moment an antelope in the wild, grazing peacefully. Suddenly, a predator appears, and the calm evaporates. In the face of imminent danger, the antelope’s body responds automatically with adrenaline-fueled fight or flight responses. And then, a remarkable thing.  If the antelope is lucky enough to escape the predator, it will literally ‘shake off’ the event and resume everyday life, seemingly unfazed by the traumatic experience.  

 Humans, on the other hand, aren’t so lucky. In our complex, civilized societies, we often override these natural responses, trapping our trauma within the body. This unresolved tension can emerge as stress, anxiety, or other mental and physical health problems. SE is a unique healing tool that works with this trapped energy, allowing it to complete and find our way back to flow and health.  This is true whether the trauma is stress at work, a car accident, an assault, or painful events during childhood. 

Resolving Trauma and Stress 

 The core benefit of SE is its potential to resolve trauma and mitigate stress. During a traumatic event, the body’s defense system often becomes dysregulated. If the body doesn’t return to its pre-trauma state, the individual may experience a host of stress-related symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, chronic fatigue, and insomnia. SE helps reestablish the body’s equilibrium by guiding individuals to move through their body’s instinctual fight, flight, or freeze responses. This can lead to a significant reduction in the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other stress-related conditions.   

 In practice, an SE therapist will help you locate your uncomfortable feelings in your body, and then in small incremental ways will ‘pendulate’ between the area of greater discomfort and a place of lesser discomfort.  This titrated approach allows the mind to gradually access, open up, and reconsolidate the painful memories. 

Enhancing Emotional Regulation 

 Somatic Experiencing aids individuals in developing a deeper understanding of their emotions. By using techniques that focus on the body’s reactions, people can identify and respond to their physical cues related to emotions. This increased self-awareness enables them to manage their emotions better and respond appropriately to stressful situations, which ultimately leads to healthier relationships with others. 

The Body Talks – It’s Time to Listen 

 Somatic Experiencing encourages a deep connection with one’s body. Through SE, individuals learn to tune into their bodily sensations and listen to the signals that their body sends. This enhanced body awareness can lead to healthier habits, as individuals become more attuned to their body’s needs for rest, nourishment, movement, and connection. 

Bouncing Back from Life’s Curveballs 

One of the primary aims of SE is to increase resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity. Through guided therapeutic sessions, individuals develop a deeper understanding of their stress responses and learn techniques to navigate through life’s challenges more effectively. 

Unleashing Your Inner Superhero 

 The empowerment that comes from understanding and controlling one’s physical and emotional responses can significantly boost self-confidence and self-efficacy. Individuals who practice SE often report feeling more in control of their lives and are better equipped to handle future stressors. 

The Physical and the Phantom 

Ever experienced pain that just doesn’t have a logical explanation? Chronic physical conditions, like unexplained aches or digestive issues, can sometimes be the manifestations of unresolved trauma. By tackling trauma at its roots, SE offers a new pathway to relief. 

 Somatic Experiencing isn’t a magical panacea that can erase trauma overnight. But it offers something arguably better – a safe, progressive method to reset your body’s natural rhythm. It’s a gentle yet potent approach that nudges you towards a state of balance, resilience, and vitality. 

 In a world where the norm is to ‘think’ our way out of problems, SE is a refreshing deviation, beckoning us to ‘feel’ our way towards healing. By leveraging the wisdom of our bodies and releasing trapped trauma, we can unlock a more balanced, healthier, and peaceful version of ourselves.   

 Remember, though, that SE is not a one-size-fits-all solution. As with any therapy, it’s crucial to consult with a mental health professional who can guide you to the best-suited treatment based on your unique circumstances. So, are you ready to tap into the wisdom of your body? 

The GoodTherapy Registry might be helpful to anyone experiencing trauma. We have thousands of Therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

I recently saw an ad on social media by one of the big online therapy directories. In it, two women are discussing therapy. One says that she is trying it, but she isn’t sure she likes the therapist. Still, she feels like she needs to stick it out.

“Why?” says the other. “You aren’t married to them!”  

The message is, there may be someone out there that is better for you, so why put up with someone with whom you feel “meh”? 

Pick the Right Therapist for Your Current Concerns

And this may, in fact, be true. Not every therapist is the best fit for every client or every issue. And ethically, a client has the right to self-determination. You have the right to choose who you see and are not obligated to stick with someone you don’t feel is helping you. 

As a therapist, I work with individual adults and focus on high-functioning women over 30 with ADHD who are dealing with overwhelm. I also work with adults who have suffered from a traumatic incident or series of incidents.   

I love what I do. There is little that is more rewarding than helping someone heal from their hurt.  

At the same time, some people love working with me, and some, not so much. And some just aren’t sure when we begin. I understand. It’s tough to feel “raw”, vulnerable, and seek out someone you don’t know. 

And nowadays in and near most urban centers, you often have a choice of seeing someone who specializes in what you need. This can be a double-edged sword. Lots of choices give possibilities along with feeling overwhelmed. Why not pick a few therapists and see where it goes?  

That may be a good place to start.  But long-term, is more better? Here are some ways to think about that.  

Seeing Multiple Therapists

Seeing more than one therapist or treatment specialist at a time may be helpful in the following scenarios: 

1. You just started the process and are still shopping around.  You may have gotten a few names and done a few appointments with one or more therapists and are still figuring out who you will stick with. In that case, it may help to see a few folks for multiple weeks before deciding. 
2. Or, these therapists (or healers) complement each other’s work in helping you. For example, a psychiatrist sees you for medication management, while you see a talk therapist to work through, say, your anxiety about a life change, or parenting issues. Or, you do acupuncture for chronic pain, but do psychotherapy with your therapist. These combinations usually run smoothly, because the practitioners are helping you in different areas of concern. 

When is Seeing Multiple Therapists Good?

Another example would be that you see one therapist with your spouse for couples’ counseling, while you see another for your individual issues of parenting, anxiety. This may be complementary, but, depending on the issue, it can occasionally get a bit sticky. 

For example, you are working through sexuality issues with your spouse, and at the same time, you started working through the memory of a sexual assault with your own therapist. At the same time, the couples therapist wants to work on, a method to increase physical connection, and that really feels hard for you that particular week or set of weeks, given what’s been coming up with your individual work. 

Rather than stop one therapy or the other, here is a “best practice” recommendation. It may be helpful to inform both therapists that you are working with the other and the basics of what you are doing. Not as an unlimited running report, but just to give the basics, especially if they seem to be working on conflicting goals. 

If you feel comfortable allowing your individual and couples therapists to speak to each other, you can sign a release for them to speak. Ethically, they would not reveal any more than is needed to help coordinate your treatment well.  This would help so that you are not getting contradictory or confusing directives or feedback.  

You don’t have to do this, but both your therapies are likely to benefit if they are more informed about the other issue you are working on. Overall, this can still function well, because you are seeing these therapists to work on different things. One is, yourself. The other is, your relationship.  

When Can Seeing Multiple Therapists Get Sticky?

 Consider the following scenario. If you are seeing two different therapists to work on the same issue for a long-term period, you may want to be more careful.   

For some reason, this “many therapists for the same issue” strategy, longer than the “shopping around” period, is something I’m seeing more of these days with some people. Is it an attempt to maximize repair faster? Is it too scary to pick one and feel like you might be “missing out” on what the other offers?  I don’t know.  

Whatever the reason, sometimes each therapist a client works with may not even be aware of the other’s involvement in this person’s treatment.  This could introduce a few complications.  In these cases, I believe that more is not always better.  

This may especially be true if you are seeing someone for trauma recovery using an exposure method, like EMDR or TIR (the latter is the treatment protocol that I work in).  At the same time, you start seeing someone who uses a different treatment modality, such as Cognitive Restructuring, to work on your trauma. And you decide you like both treatments, you like both therapists, so you keep going to both.  Be aware of potential pitfalls.    

If you do this, you are getting different treatments for the same issue: For instance, your anxiety.  It’s not that one treatment is better or worse; it’s that they may counteract each other. One mainly engages the hippocampus part of your brain (the Cognitive treatments), while the other (EMDR/TIR) mainly engages the amygdala. Both are effective. And you may like both therapists. 

But if you “talk about” your trauma in the same weeks that you work through it with these treatments, it can actually inhibit or interrupt the reprocessing that your brain needs to do with the Exposure therapy. *  A good analogy is training in football and gymnastics at the same time – you get an overall body workout, but you may build up muscles that are working in different ways and could counteract each other.   

When you do two different therapies at once, the same thing could happen. At best, you feel a bit better, but you don’t know which treatment had the effect. At worst, you have diluted both treatments for twice the money.   

Be Honest with Your Therapists

So in my work, I encourage the following as a best practice. Allow yourself some weeks to shop around and decide where you want to start. Be honest with the person you see about what you want. This is for you, after all. If someone tells me they want strategies for, say, managing their upset, I will take a few sessions to do this. I try to validate and handle client concerns. If that gives them what they need, that’s great. But if there is more going on, I encourage that we look a bit deeper at their issues (or “charge”, in the TIR terminology.)  

Do one therapy first, with one practitioner, and if you feel it is benefitting you, allow yourself time to continue with them. A good rule of thumb is at least six sessions to decide if it is helping you. You can work with the therapist on determining the length and course of treatment.  If you feel like you need it, seek the other treatment after you have finished the first.   

Whatever you do, it is a good idea to inform each therapist that you are working with the other so they can proceed with good knowledge. This is the same principle behind the protocol that pharmacists need to be informed of all the medications you are taking, so you do not get prescribed something that counteracts something else. If you are comfortable allowing these practitioners to speak to each other, you can sign a release for them to do so. Ideally, they can consult and decide either to coordinate treatment, or make recommendations on how to proceed. 

A collaborative approach, where you and your therapist are working together, keeps everyone on the same page. If you have concerns about these folks communicating, I encourage you to talk about this with them. That can be another opportunity to connect on what is important to you. 

You or even other therapists may have a different opinion. I encourage you to think about what you want out of therapy, and ultimately, it is your therapy. At the same time, consider these points I’ve made as you start and continue your therapy journey. All the best to you for your process! 

 The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today. 

*  http://www.appliedmetapsychology.org/research-publications/articles/mygdala-hippocampus-and-traumatic-memories/ 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

A Pain-filled Journey

About a year ago I heard the words “I am so sorry; your son has passed”. I entered my 20-week scan to see my son’s measurements and growth.

Upon looking at the ultrasound, I quickly knew that he had left this life. Grief-stricken, torn apart, and broken; I sat on the exam table and wept.

I knew the road ahead of me would be arduous and earth-shattering. I had to break the news to my husband, who was traveling for work, my entire family, and group of friends. I felt the weight of the world pressing down on my chest.

After a failed surgical procedure, I was induced to deliver my son. Hearing silence after 13 hours of labor will always sit with me. My husband and I are eternally grateful for the support that was provided to us and for the wonderful bedside care of our nurses and doctors.

I left the hospital, empty handed, wondering what my life would look like after this loss. I knew I had endured several traumatic experiences and my body and mind would feel the trauma in their own way. I had to momentarily put on my therapist cap to tell myself, “This will take time and that is ok”. As we all know, easier said than done. 

A Long Road

Having a three-year-old son at home kept us busy, and we had the ultimate support from our families and friends. I struggled deeply with post traumatic stress symptoms, flashbacks, panic attacks, cold sweats, dizzy spells, migraines, you name it.

I had to find a way of living that allowed my body and mind to grieve, but also still be a mother and wife. I decided to increase my weekly therapy to twice a week, I began writing journals/poetry, and I took a break from conducting therapy.

I needed space to heal myself before I could help others heal. I also had to pause my doctoral work as I was working toward a terminal degree. These were boundaries I had to set for myself in order to give my brain room to accept what has happened to me. 

Finding My Next Steps

Eventually, I was ready to start work again but very part time, I found great healing in teaching college courses. As I slowly picked myself off the floor, I started to feel less broken inside.

To this day, I have moments where I think “what if he were here, what would my life be like?” after these thoughts I typically cry and lay in bed in a depressed state void of movement.

When I find myself in this state, I usually ask myself “do you want to move right now?”, if the answer is “no”, I allow myself to lay in my sadness for a set amount of time (I usually set a timer). If the answer is “yes I need to”, I begin breathing exercises, such as four-square breathing, to get into a mental space where I can sit up. Then, I write my thoughts and give myself a task to complete.  

Learning to Forgive Myself

Forgiveness of self is the biggest hurdle I had to overcome. I blamed myself for the loss, for the lack of housework, for the lack of play with my son, for the nights I lost sleep because I let my anxiety win.

As mothers, we tend to blame ourselves. Its as if we have an automatic personal blame switch. I decided the blame was too unbearable to harbor, so I had to let it go. I wrote down a list of things that I had control over since most of the things on my blame list were out of my control.

As every good therapist advises, we can only control ourselves. That was the biggest common denominator on my list. I decided to make small changes to help dissipate the blame.

I planned fun outings with my son during the week, just in case I did have struggle day, I still was able have undivided time with just he and I. If I encountered a flashback, I would tell myself to do my breathing techniques and replace the visual with a happy memory. I increased my positive self-talk exponentially.

Be Kind to Yourself

Positive self-talk is and always will be a life saver. I re-created my coping skills tool box to work with my trauma that allowed me to live. It is a life long journey to heal. I am so deeply proud that my body and mind continue to do their best best to keep me safe. 

Even through our darkest moments in life we can still allow ourselves to live. It will continually be hard work, but we have to be ok with that. We will have days that feel like we were set back many years, that is ok. We need these days; they teach us a new lesson about ourselves. They tell us our brain is still processing and working through all that we experienced. Breathe and forgive. Your progress is not lost, everything you do from here on out is progress. 

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you to find a therapist if you have experienced traumatic loss. There are thousands of therapists listed who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

Most of us have been hurt by others several times. And, of course, this comes with a lot of pain, anger, and sadness. And then, being full of negative and painful feelings, we feel the need to blame the responsible ones. 

Those feelings can haunt us until we manage to forgive the one who hurt/betrayed us. Forgiveness does not mean that we forget the harm and the pain we suffered or that we should rebuild the relationship with those that hurt us. Forgiveness means letting go of resentment, anger, guilt, shame, and sadness, accepting the whole experience and moving on [1].

Forgiving others can be quite challenging. But what happens when the perpetrator is us? What if it is us that caused all the painful, guilty, hostile, and shameful feelings? According to research, it is much harder to forgive ourselves than the others [2].  

This article will cover:

• The definition of forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
• Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? 
• Tips to forgive yourself.

Self-Forgiveness 

“Self-forgiveness” can be about forgiving the self for harming the self (intrapersonal self-forgiveness) and about forgiving the self for harming someone else (interpersonal self-forgiveness). As with “forgiveness”, “self-forgiveness” means that we show compassion to ourselves, deliberately releasing the anger, guilt, and pain, reaching an internal sense of peace and learning from the previous mistakes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxKxi8iM-lw 

Why Is It Hard to Forgive Ourselves?  

Undoubtedly, many times we engage in actions that are not in line with our values. Every time we act in the wrong way according to us, we create a cognitive dissonance. That means, that because we acted against our ethical values, we feel an internal inconvenience and not satisfied with our side.

As a result, we need to do something to fix the situation. And since, it is impossible to delete our action and hard to forgive ourselves for the pain we provoked, it is easier to start punishing ourselves for it.

And I am definitely not saying that we enjoy it. Most of us, we really want to forgive ourselves and move on instead of punishing ourselves. But why do we get stuck in self-loathing? Why can’t we move on and let go of the anger and pain? Harmful self-directed behaviors that happen consciously or unconsciously are hindering our self-forgiveness.   

Do You Engage in Negative Self-Talk?

Engaging in negative self-talk is the first obstacle to achieve self-forgiveness.  After being aware that we have done something wrong, we can engage in negative self-criticism and self-talk. For example, a student did not study for an exam and then he/she failed. Afterwards, feeling of guiltiness and anger come in the surface and then he/she starts having thoughts such as “Why can I be responsible for once? I am always like this, I will always be a loser, I am a failure”. Instead of focusing on the wrong behavior and making a plan to correct it, we keep judging ourselves for the mistake we made, and we keep talking to ourselves like we are our worst enemy [2].  

Do You Dwell on Your Mistakes?

Rumination is another enemy to self-forgiveness [3].  According to Watkins, 2008, “Rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences” [4].

This means that we dwell on our mistakes, and we keep reproducing them on our minds.  As a result, we feel again and again the anger, sadness, guiltiness, and shame we felt the first time, getting stuck in the same vicious circle.

Experimental studies manipulating rumination have indicated that rumination exacerbates our negative feelings and negative self-talk. It is like we keep beating up ourselves over and over again, strengthening the negative feelings Focusing on the negative experience, feelings and thoughts, we tend to consider the mistakes we made as something irreversible.

Moreover, rumination interferes with effective problem-solving [4]. Since we only focus repeatedly on the negative feelings and thoughts, it is very hard to move on the solution and to realize how we can accept the situation and forgive ourselves.  

Our own cognitive biases can hinder the process of self-forgiveness. Cognitive biases are the unhelpful thinking habits that we have developed during our life.  

Do You Magnify Negative Situations?

The “Magnification” cognitive bias refers to our tendency to “exaggerate or magnify either the negative importance or consequence of some personal trait, event, or circumstance” [5]. More precisely, some people might have the habit to magnify the negative situations and as a consequence, they consider their mistake so huge, that they could never forgive themselves.

Hence, the more we magnify the importance of the mistake we made, the more negative feelings we feel and the hardest it is to forgive ourselves.  

Do You Create Should Statements?

Another important cognitive bias that obstacle self-forgiveness is named “Should Statements”. Many of us have a pattern of expectations or demands on ourselves and then, we measure our success according to those demands. For instance, we might think “I should not have done this”, “this is not how it should be”, “I should not make mistakes”. Those statements cannot always be realistic. However, since we set those unrealistic expectations to ourselves, we tend to feel as a failure every time we do not meet them. In the end, we feel unable to forgive ourselves for all the things we should have been, but we are not [5].  

Do You Think of Your Mistakes in Black & White?

The last cognitive bias that I would like to mention is the “Dichotomous/Black-and-White Thinking”.  According to Beck, this is “the tendency to view all experiences as fitting into one of two categories (e.g., positive or negative; good or bad) without the ability to place oneself, others, and experiences along a continuum.

For example, after having made a mistake, we might think that we have completely messed up with everything in life, feeling like there is nothing good in us anymore. We feel that we can be either incredibly good or awfully bad. We do not see ourselves as a whole individual that can makes good or bad actions. This way of thinking can make it extremely hard for us to forgive ourselves, since we feel like we did something so terrible, that nothing could make it better [5] 

 Steps to forgive ourselves 

Self-forgiveness is associated with good mental health [6]. According to a meta-analysis of David et al, (2015), forgiveness of self is positively related to psychological well-being, life satisfaction, meaning, as well as it is negative related to anxiety and depression [6].

Moreover, self-forgiveness is found to reduce feelings of shame and self-punishment without excusing the behavior of the perpetrator. Individuals who forgive themselves still take responsibility for their actions but have fewer feelings of shame and self-condemnation.   

The most important component of self- forgiveness is showing self-compassion [7].  According to Neff (2011) [7], self-compassion has three components.   

Component 1: Self-Kindness

 The first one is self-kindness, a tendency to apply a caring, rather than judgmental, attitude toward one’s personal failures. For example, instead of negatively criticizing yourself about a potential mistake you made, you could take a different spin on this and be kind to yourself.

How can you do this? You could ask yourself:

• “What would I say to my best friend if he/she did the same mistake?
• How would I talk to my future child about a this?
• How would I want my parents to talk to me about this?”

By answering to these questions, you could replace your inner “judger” with a more realistic and kind inner self-talk  and avoid your negative cognitive biases.   

Component 2: Common Humanity

The second one is common humanity, “the recognition that it is only “human” to make mistakes and that one’s suffering is shared by others” [7]. This component comes with acceptance of our own mistakes.

According to Neff (2003), [7], acceptance involves acknowledging that one has a flaw or shortcoming, or that a negative event, such as a failure, has occurred—and embracing it as a part of oneself.

Acceptance does not mean that we justify a wrong behavior or that we avoid the negative experience, but it means that we accept our imperfections, trying to understand our mistakes and grow from them, having a kind stance toward ourselves.  You can achieve self-acceptance through mindfulness techniques (see next paragraph). 

Component 3: Mindfulness

The third component of self-compassion is mindfulness [7].  Mindfulness is the ability to be in the present moment, observing one’s experience non-judgmentally, without getting overwhelmed by this and without trying to change it [8].

By being mindful, you will be able to accept the situation easier and to become detached from the painful feelings. One easy way to achieve mindfulness is through focusing your attention to your breath. Every breath you take comes only once. You can never take a previous breath again or a future one. Hence, every time you focus your attention to your breathing, you know you are in the present moment.

Another way that mindfulness can be achieved is by observing three items around you that you can touch, taste, see, and hear.

A third way is through mediation. Meditation will help you stay in the present moment, acknowledge and observe your experience, thoughts and feelings, take a distance from them and let go what no longer serves you.  

Another step that you could take to make your way easier to self-forgiveness is to identify and recognize your negative thoughts and cognitive biases. You can achieve this by journaling and writing down those thoughts or your inner self-talk [9].

If you struggle identifying your thoughts, you can let your feelings guide you to them. Every time you have an inconvenient feeling, ask yourself “what goes on through my mind right now?” After having identified some critic or negative thoughts, try to write down a more compassionate or realistic response. For instance, a response to the thought “I should not have done this mistake” could be “I recognize that my behavior was not the expected one, but as a human being, sometimes I make mistakes. This does not mean that I am a failure or that I am bad. I will try to learn from this experience and grow”.  

The way to self-forgiveness can be long and comes with lots of ups and downs, but it is definitely worth doing the first step and start. It is of high importance to know when to ask for professional help. A psychotherapist can always help you identify your thoughts, “difficult” feelings, accept your experience and process your trauma.  

 

 The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today!

 

 

Relocating to a new country can be a challenging experience for families, particularly for parents who are navigating the complexities of managing their relationships with their children during this transition.  

Moving to a foreign soil involves uprooting from familiar surroundings, leaving behind established social networks, and adjusting to a new culture, language, and lifestyle. For children, this can also be a difficult experience when they are at an age of learning to build relationships.  

Amidst all these changes, parents need to pay special attention to maintaining healthy and supportive relationships with their children. In this article, we will discuss some key strategies for managing parent-child relationships during a relocation to a new country. 

Open Communication 

Prior to moving, it is important that children are part of the conversation or even decision-making process in moving or making arrangements to move. Keeping communication open during this period is crucial especially when changes are constant during the relocation process. This includes discussing the reasons for the move, acknowledging any concerns or fears that children may have, and providing age-appropriate information about the new country, potential new culture, and the anticipated changes.  

Effective open communication allows parents and children to understand what each party is going through and support each other. When children understand how the relocation can impact the adults, they are more aware of the challenges and more open to cooperate and collaborate through the transition. This is counter-intuitive to how the majority of parents work through transitions alone without letting children know to avoid ‘burdening’ them. However, this would also result in children feeling left out or thinking that as the move does not impact their parents.  

Encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings, and actively listening to their concerns without judgment can also help build trust and strengthen the parent-child relationship. 

Be Empathetic and Understanding 

Relocating to a new country can be overwhelming for children, as they may experience a wide range of emotions such as anxiety, confusion, and sadness or even anger. A change in environment may also be perceived as a threat with lots of uncertainties for the child. Parents should be empathetic and understanding towards their children’s emotions, and validate their feelings. It’s important to remember that each child may react differently to the move, and parents should be patient and supportive as their children adjust to the changes. Parents can offer comfort, reassurance and understanding to help ease the emotional impact of relocation on children and foster a sense of security. 

 

Maintain Familiar Routines  

As much as possible, avoid a complete overhaul of family’s day to day activities. Keeping the family’s daily routine even after moving to the new country can provide a sense of stability and normalcy for both parents and children during the relocation process. Familiar routines include maintaining mealtimes, bedtime routines, and regular family activities which allow children to feel grounded, more secure and reduce anxiety. 

Encourage New Cultural Exploration and Experiences 

A new place can cause a mixture of feelings, ranging from feeling unsafe to excitement of what may come. It presents a unique opportunity for children to learn about and appreciate different cultures. Parents can encourage their children to explore the local culture, language, and customs of the new country, if not immerse in them – including trying local cuisine, learning basic phrases in the local language, and participating in cultural events or activities. Such experiences can be enriching for children and help them develop an understanding and appreciation for diversity to facilitate their adjustment to the new country as well as broaden their horizons.  

 

Build a Support System 

New relationships can help to provide support, guidance and companionship. Parents could connect with other families, neighbours, and communities in the new country. Children can benefit from making new friends to help them feel more integrated and less isolated. Engaging in activities or joining clubs or groups aligned with the children’s interests can facilitate their socialization and create a sense of belonging. 

Give Care to Yourself 

Uprooting to a new country can be stressful and exhausting for parents. It’s important for parents to prioritize their self-care, manage their own stress levels and seek support when needed. Taking care of their physical and mental well-being allows parents to be more emotionally available and supportive to their children. When parents are in a positive mental state, it can have a positive impact on the parent-child relationship and help children feel more secure and supported.  

 

Be Patient and Flexible 

 Adjusting to a new country takes time and effort, and parents should be patient with themselves and their children. Take time out from difficult arguments and reconvene when all parties are calmer. Keeping communication open with empathy and understanding can help greatly.  

 When a family moves to a new place or country, recognize that everyone in the family will go through a transition, both physically and emotionally through stress and adjustments. A move affects everyone, even young children. It is important to maintain open and respectful communication, while being empathic and understanding to each other. Being patient and taking care of yourself as parents are important too while engaging in ways to stay grounded during this relocation process.  

 

If you are struggling with navigating parent-child relationships after a move, or find conflicting issues escalating, do reach out and speak with us to see how we can help. The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed who would love to walk with your during your transition to a new home. Find the support you need today. 

From: Michelle Ilyayev, LMHC 

Whether you’re frustrated by a coworker, friend, or family member, narcissism is often thrown around as an explanation.

But it can do more harm than good to an argument, friendship, or working relationship if you don’t know what narcissistic personality disorder is and why it might not be the correct label.

Additionally, consistent overuse of the term trivializes the genuine pain a narcissist is experiencing deep down and detracts it from its authentic meaning. 

Because of this, it’s essential to clearly define what a narcissist is and the potential dangers of overusing the term. 

A RELATED GOODTHERAPY ARTICLE: Codependency and Narcissism

According to the DSM IV, narcissism is characterized by: 

• A need to get attention and admiration from others 

• Lack of empathy for others 
• Often having troubled relationships 
• Grandiose sense of self 
• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success and power 
• A sense of entitlement 

• A strong belief that others are envious of them 
• Display of arrogant and egotistic behaviors or beliefs 

You might think that you know some people who display some of these narcissistic traits, but that doesn’t always make them a narcissist. 

5 things you need to know before calling someone a narcissist: 

1. Narcissism is a spectrum; it’s not an all-or-none characteristic. Many narcissists are higher on the spectrum than most people. So much so, it tips them over into an illness. 
2. Diagnosing people can be an effective way of helping someone and guiding them towards recovery. When done with integrity and in an appropriate setting, it helps a clinician determine which type of treatment is best suited for a patient. It’s also beneficial in communicating with other medical professionals about the course of treatment. However, it can also place people into boxes. 
3. Labeling someone as a narcissist, while sometimes useful to explain their behavior, makes it harder to see the real danger. Many people want to be validated in their belief that their abusive partner is a narcissist and that hearing the label will provide a sense of security. But whether or not the abusive partner fits the criteria, it’s important to note that narcissism is not the problem; the abuse is. Narcissism shouldn’t excuse someone’s harmful behaviors and actions. 
4. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder need to be diagnosed by mental health professionals. A narcissistic personality disorder shouldn’t be taken lightly. It can be extremely harmful to the people around them; just because someone is toxic and irresponsible does not make them a narcissist. Giving a diagnosis to someone without training to do so in a professional setting is both irresponsible and bound to cause harm. 
5. NPD is widely misunderstood, so educating yourself and others about what narcissism means is essential. In other words, while it may be tempting to jump to labeling your ex or abusive parent as a narcissist, it may be worth considering that they may have an actual personality disorder and could benefit from treatment. 

A RELATED GOODTHERAPY ARTICLE: How a Person with Narcissism Responds to a Perceived Offense

References 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201504/why-we-need-stop-throwing-the-narcissist-label-around 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662 

 

By Kimberly Meere, LCSW

Social media has influenced just about everything in our lives.  Business, politics, and even our relationships.

Whether you scroll and post regularly or just peek and comment on occasion, you have an online identity. 

It can be challenging to manage our individual online presence properly, yet we are responsible for what we share and how we engage online.

Social media can be a great tool for keeping in touch with people and maintaining a sense of connectedness. However, it can also be especially harmful to our relationships.  

 Social Media Comparisons Can Destroy Your Relationships

The human brain is wired to think negatively. This can quickly wreak havoc on our relationships. We expect to have problems, but we quickly question when things are undefined or going relatively well.

We seek answers, predictability, and pleasure to avoid pain. We yearn to be accepted, liked, and supported.

Social media provides us with our dopamine fix when we see or post what we like especially when it comes to relationships.

We tend to compare our relationships to others and comparisons can be a social media relationship killer.

A survey conducted in the fall of 2019 by the Pew Research Center, found that 8 in 10 adults notice relationship oriented posts and women are 7% more likely than men to see them.

Age factors in as well. Women under 50 are more likely to notice and be affected by the relationship posts they see as compared to women over 50. 

Can You Relate? 

Megan 29, and Mike 30, were dating for over 2 years and were considering marriage.  They lived together, had a dog and wanted kids.  Megan wanted to get married right away and was concerned about her biological clock.

Mike was not ready to get married and wanted to ‘get his affairs in order’ before the big step. 

Soon Megan started noticing posts of engagements, weddings and births on social media and began resenting Mike.  She would compare her life to everyone else’s and somehow she always came up short. 

Many of us compare our lives to what appears to be a better one from what we can see on social media.  Comparing is a potential relationship killer.

Everyone seems to have a happy life on social media.  It looks like they have the perfect relationship, motivated kids, and a great job.  Pa-leease! You can’t go by a picture of them at the beach… on vacation…  3 years and 25 pounds ago!

Keep in mind, people post what they want you to see.  Some people are excellent at painting an enhanced picture of the high points of their relationship.  The extravagant vacations, the romantic dinners, the custom ring, the lengthy heartfelt birthday/anniversary dedications. But what’s behind the curtain?

Perhaps a very different picture…  criticisms,  insecurities, inconsistencies, the list goes on.

Do yourself and your relationship a favor, avoid comparing. If your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife posts daily pictures of them together and yours doesn’t it’s okay.  It doesn’t mean anything. Your relationship is not in trouble or any less special. Be mindful not to jump to conclusions. Talk about the role of social media in your current relationships. 

 Establish Social Media Boundaries in Relationships

Establishing the role of social media in the relationship is vital to maintaining harmony and balance.

Setting boundaries and outlining rules of engagement is necessary to build trust both on and offline.

Consider drawing a road map for your partner as to what your concerns, expectations, and needs are as an opportunity for them to get to know you on a deeper, more intimate level and vice-versa. Ultimately, it’s growth. 

It’s important to communicate without pointing fingers and be open to compromise. 

This technique was helpful to Tammy and her boyfriend Paul. Tammy was concerned when she noticed Paul liked a picture his ex posted of herself and her new dog.

This is a classic example of what I refer to as Indiscriminate contact.  This is the act of “liking” a post or communicating with someone your partner would likely consider off limits.

Tammy began to question the relationship and Paul’s level of commitment. She wondered if he still had feelings for his ex. Paul insisted this was an innocent ‘like” and reassured Tammy she was the only one for him. 

Over the next several weeks, Tammy began monitoring Paul’s social media activity and his whereabouts. She also demanded he dissociate from all girls online and questioned him each day.

The suspicion and indiscriminate communication forged a wedge in their relationship and they fought regularly. In therapy they were able to explore the feelings that were triggered through some of their social media interactions (insecurity, low self-esteem, abandonment, commitment issues, trust) and they set clearly defined boundaries and rules of engagement.  Both would make a conscious effort to avoid indiscriminate contacts, overthinking, constant monitoring, and jumping to conclusions.  

 Is Social Media Showing Problems in Your Relationship?

 If your partner claims he went to sleep but his social media post begs to differ, it’s time to face the possibility that this is not the right relationship for you.

If you find yourself checking up on your significant other multiple times a day, you may want to tune in to what is driving this behavior. 

Status checking, or the act of checking your partner’s listed relationship status (single, single and looking, in a relationship, married etc.) can be a sign that it’s time to have a conversation about your actual relationship status.

Approximately half of social media users reported checking up on their current or former partners at some point. About 3 in 10 have felt jealous or uncertain based on their partner’s interactions on social media.

Some social media users have expressed concerns over the lack of posts or pictures representing the relationship on their partner’s social media page. For instance, it can be off putting when you realize that your partner of nine months maintains the “single and looking status” on their social media profile, along with 47 pictures of friends, 16 pictures of  food and only one picture with you buried under everything else because it was from last Christmas.  

Can Social Media Spark Infidelity? 

Social media has been known to provide us with a larger social network and opportunities. 

The constant opportunity for infidelity can be concerning for those in new or less secure relationships. 

Infidelity is often linked to low relationship satisfaction, relationship ambivalence, and other ongoing problems in the relationship. 

Fostering open lines of communication, understanding, and checking in with each other on a regular basis will lead to increased levels of satisfaction within the relationship and reduce the likelihood of infidelity both on and offline.  

 Decide How Much Social Media is Good For You

Social media can be a blessing or a curse when it comes to relationships. The good news is we have a say in the matter.

It’s important to have ongoing honest conversations with our partners about it. Establishing boundaries and rules of engagement is a crucial step to the growth of the relationship and successfully navigating the digital age we live in.

Comparisons are relationship poison and open lines of communication are the antidote. 

Trust must be built in relationships and it can be especially challenging when it comes to social media since the rules are often unclear. 

If you believe social media could be impacting your relationships, seek out a therapist. The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you. There are thousands of therapists listed who would like to help you on your journey. Find the support you need today.