“I do.”

Those two simple words seal a commitment that is supposed to last a lifetime, but falls somewhere short of forever for nearly half of the American people who make it.

Although the divorce rate in the United States has been falling steadily for decades and is no longer hovering at 50%, divorce rates for cultures where arranged marriage is the norm have always been much lower, averaging around 4% and as low as 1% in India, where the majority of marriages are arranged. While it’s hard to overlook the enormous difference in those statistics, comparison is difficult since divorce may not be supported or accepted in some cultures and can be difficult to obtain in others. Marriage experts in the U.S. and other Western cultures, however, are examining whether the institution of arranged marriage could offer any insight into helping non-arranged marriages endure the test of time.

What Is Arranged Marriage?

When attempting to understand how an arranged marriage can be successful, it is important to understand what it is and what it is not. All too often, arranged marriage gets mistaken for forced marriage; the two are distinctly different.

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Contrary to many popular assumptions, arranged marriage is not always mandatory. In fact, both partners, including the woman, are typically given choice in the matter. The meeting of potential spouses is usually arranged by a third party, such as parents, but the decision to ultimately marry usually lies with the couple. In a forced marriage, one or both members of the potential couple are not given the power of consent and are sometimes forced into the situation under duress.

Arranged marriage is common in countries such as India and Pakistan and is also prevalent in some parts of Africa and Asia. Religions such as Hinduism, Orthodox Judaism, and Islam have historically been proponents of arranged marriage.

Though arranged marriage may seem like a strange custom to some in the West, marrying for love is a relatively recent concept. Arranged marriage was the norm in Western European societies until the late 1700s, when romantic love and personal choice began emerging as social ideals.

The practice has undergone a technical revolution as of late and has become somewhat akin to a hiring process, where an ad may placed in the paper or online and potential spouses are screened like applicants. In some cases, they are encouraged to submit photos and credentials—almost like a résumé—in hopes of obtaining an interview and meeting with the family.

How Well Can Arranged Marriages Actually Work?

The reality is that people choose to get married for diverse reasons and romantic love is only one of them. Some people marry for the comforts of security, companionship, and to start a family, while others marry for something as simple tax breaks or because of cultural pressure.

Some see falling in love as a magical, life-altering experience that strengthens a bond. Though it may not happen in the same way, many people in arranged marriages state that they, too, gradually fell in love with their partners.

For some, arranged marriage has many advantages. First, it relieves many of the pressures involved in finding a partner. It also frees those in the arrangement to be themselves instead of having to try to impress a potential spouse. Second, partners in arranged marriages are more likely to have similar belief systems, family backgrounds, education, and finances. When your parents help choose your mate, it is likely that they choose someone of similar or equal stature. When we leave the matchmaking to Cupid, many initially unknown factors may reveal themselves over time and affect future compatibility.

Many not on board with arranged marriage would cite missing the opportunity to fall in love as a major drawback. Some see falling in love as a magical, life-altering experience that strengthens a bond. Though it may not happen in the same way, many people in arranged marriages state that they, too, gradually fell in love with their partners. Whereas marriages based on romantic love sometimes start off steamy and fizzle out over time, arranged marriages may start out slow before feelings deepen and strengthen with time.

Furthermore, on a biological level, romantic feelings can cloud judgment. It isn’t uncommon for a couple who are “madly in love” to marry only to find out later that they are incompatible in some of the most important ways. It is perhaps for this reason that arranged marriages based on compatibility, shared values, and future potential may be more likely to last.

Are Arranged and Non-Arranged Marriages All That Different?

An Indian couple whose marriage was arranged recently did an interview with Cosmopolitan. The couple expressed feeling less pressure in the beginning stages of their relationship and said they still feel like they are dating even though they are married. They declared that they are falling more in love each day as they continue to get to know each other.

Expressing his feelings on arranged marriage versus non-arranged marriage, the husband told the magazine, “It’s a gamble. Both ways, it’s a gamble. That’s like life in general. And I always think that more than 50% of marriages end up nowhere, even though most of them are after long-term dating. So it’s a gamble either way.”

Whether your life partner was predetermined or chosen by you, it is still difficult to make a lifelong commitment and be certain it will hold, as no one truly knows what the future holds. Divorce is an essential freedom and is sometimes the best outcome for both partners in a marriage where one or both partners is not getting needs met.

Regardless of how a marriage came to be, it is a commitment that requires patience, compassion, empathy, effective communication, and respect to make it last. Neither perceived compatibility nor romantic attraction alone is enough to sustain a marriage.

Many therapists and counselors work with people considering the pluses and minuses of marriage, including arranged marriage, and can help people move forward with clear minds. If things are a little foggy for you as a potential marriage draws near, consider contacting a qualified therapist.

References:

1. Black, L. (2011). Arranged — not forced — marriages a good match in many cultures. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved from http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-07-27/news/ct-x-0727-arranged-marriages-20110727_1_marriages-family-traditions-stephanie-coontz
2. Marie, J. (2014). What It’s Really Like to Have an Arranged Marriage. Retrieved from http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a33627/what-its-really-like-to-have-an-arranged-marriage/
3. Wolfers, J. (2014). How We Know the Divorce Rate is Falling. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/04/upshot/how-we-know-the-divorce-rate-is-falling.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&abt=0002&abg=1

These days, stress and work often go hand in hand. Many of us can’t even imagine what our jobs would be like if they didn’t stress us out at least a little bit. In fact, a recent survey conducted for the American Institute of Stress found that more than 80% of Americans find at least one aspect of their jobs stressful.

Although many factors contributing to work-related stress are out of one’s control, there are many habits we engage in that can make our work days all the more nerve-racking. Here are nine bad habits at work that could be increasing your job stress, along with some suggestions on ways to overcome them:

1. Procrastination

Waiting until the last possible minute to do something isn’t good for anybody’s nerves. Studies show that people who procrastinate have higher stress levels, lower overall well-being, and poorer performance outcomes than those who tackle a task right away.

The best way to combat procrastination is to just get started. Even if you don’t finish what you start, getting the ball rolling helps and makes the overall project less daunting. Just do it; don’t wait. If you put everything off to the last minute, you’re certain to feel more stressed, not to mention you leave little room for revision or error.

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2. Running Late

Let’s face it: running late is stressful. When you’re already late, it seems like everything takes longer, traffic is heavier, and people move slower. If you are always running late and in a hurry, you’re constantly stressing yourself out. Who wants to start their work day feeling stressed?

Break this habit by getting started 10 or even five minutes earlier. Conceptualize how much time you think you need to get ready, and then simply add 10 minutes (or five) to it. Those extra minutes will provide the leeway you need to help remain calm on the way to work, which inevitably impacts the rest of your day.

3. Not Taking Breaks

To maintain low stress levels, take a break! Breaks are important for maintaining your mental health.

If you think skipping breaks makes you more productive, think again. It can actually have the opposite effect. Studies have shown that taking regular breaks increases both productivity and creativity. Think of the mind like you would a muscle. If you overwork your muscles, they get fatigued. The same goes for your brain. It needs rest, too.

4. Poor Planning

When you leave work at the end of each day, you should have a general outline of tasks for the next morning. If you go in each day without a plan of action, you’ll be less productive, end up wasting time, and increase your stress in the long run when you have difficulty keeping up with your workload.

Decrease your stress by coming to work prepared and acknowledging your duties first thing in the morning or whenever you arrive. One of the last things you should do each day is make a to-do list of work that needs to be done the next day. There are many tools available to help with this, such as a traditional planner or an app that will help you keep you on task (there are several).

5. Focusing on the Negative

If you’re constantly complaining about your boss, your workload, or your coworkers, you’re making your job more difficult. Complaining alone rarely solves anything; it just brings you and those around you down. In the workplace, attitude is very much contagious.

You can’t hate what you do 40-plus hours a week and keep your stress levels low.

Complaining in small amounts can be healthy; it allows us to vent our frustrations and acknowledge our feelings. But when you make a habit of complaining, it can start to wreak havoc on your life and affect your coworkers. To change this habit, consider spending a few moments at the end of each day (after writing your to-do list for tomorrow) thinking and writing down up to three things that were positive about your work day. Maybe you exceeded productivity, maybe you helped a customer, or maybe you helped a coworker with something he or she was struggling with. Jot it down and remove yourself from the negative thought patterns we all fall into when situations in life seem crummy.

6. Hating Your Job

Consider that you will spend almost a third of your adult life at work. If you really can’t stand your job and find yourself dreading every Monday morning, you might want to consider looking for another job or changing careers. You can’t hate what you do 40-plus hours a week and keep your stress levels low.

To change this habit and get your life moving in a direction that brings you greater satisfaction, consider finding a therapist or career counselor to work with. If you meet with a therapist, he or she may be able to help you discover emotional or behavioral issues that contribute to your job dissatisfaction. A career counselor may help you discover something more in line with your values, work ethic, and interests.

7. Bringing Work Home with You

Sometimes, circumstances make working at home unavoidable. When you can, however, leave your work at work.

In modern society, many of us carry our phones, laptops, or tablets with us regularly. This helps us facilitate work in different ways, but it can also take away time spent with family, relaxing, or performing other self-care activities. If you find yourself answering work calls at the dinner table, make an effort to ditch the digital leash. If you can minimize the amount of time you think about work when you aren’t at work, you’ll likely find that your work-related stress will decrease.

8. Sitting All Day

Some studies indicate that working at a desk or sitting at work all day is about as unhealthy as smoking cigarettes. Sitting for prolonged periods puts an incredible amount of pressure on the spine and increases tension within the body. This often manifests as physical stress, which releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol can be responsible for weight gain, physical health problems, and can affect your mental health as well.

The best way to break this habit is to simply get moving. Make it a point to stand for at least one hour a day or do an exercise on your break. Walk around your building, take the stairs throughout the day, or take a walk after dinner. While seated at work, you can also make sure you keep good posture and stretch regularly. Adding some activity throughout the day can also benefit your productivity.

9. Neglecting Work-Life Balance

It’s easy to get caught up in our careers and neglect other areas of our lives. If you find you’re working too much and playing too little, make the time in your life for recreation to help decrease your stress levels. If you’re able to take a vacation, consider it an investment in your health.

It is important to maintain a work-life balance. In addition to recreational activities, consider whether you are making enough time for your family or friends. If you continually focus on work and don’t take care of your other needs, you’re bound to end up feeling stressed. You need to always be practicing self-care or stress will take its toll.

If Work Stress Is Getting the Best of You, Help Is Available

Stress can be detrimental to your health. It is the root cause in many instances of mental and physical health issues, including anxiety, depression, heart disease, sleep disturbances, digestive problems, weight gain/loss, concentration issues, and memory impairment. Interestingly, many researchers also say that work is the most significant cause of stress among American adults.

Breaking the aforementioned habits can help you drastically reduce your work-related stress, but sometimes you might need to do deeper work emotionally, behaviorally, or cognitively to break a negative thought pattern or get back to a place where you can function at your best. Because of this, many therapists and mental health professionals are trained to help people cope with and overcome workplace issues. If you find that work-related stress is impacting your life in a negative way, consider reaching out to a mental health professional to increase your satisfaction and happiness at your current job, or to help you get on the path to a new, more fulfilling one.

References:

1. Jaffe, Eric. (2013). Why Wait? The Science Behind Procrastination. Association of Psychological Science. Retrieved from http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/publications/observer/2013/april-13/why-wait-the-science-behind-procrastination.html
2. Korkki, Phyllis. (2012, June 16). To Stay on Schedule, Take a Break. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/jobs/take-breaks-regularly-to-stay-on-schedule-workstation.html?_r=0
3. Mayo Clinic Staff. (2013, July 11). Chronic Stress Puts Your Health at Risk. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037?pg=1
4. Workplace Stress. The American Institute of Stress. Retrieved from http://www.stress.org/workplace-stress/