Relationships can be a lot of fun, but they may also be challenging and require work at times. When we meet someone and fall in love, we tend to see only their endearing qualities. After the honeymoon phase is over, some of the things that may have drawn us to them may begin to irritate us instead. We may find ourselves venturing outside our relationship to get certain needs met.

Maintaining and growing a relationship is not easy. We need to continually invest time and energy to keep it going strong. Finding new ways to nurture the relationship or get it back on track can be difficult on our own. We can get stuck in unhelpful patterns or simply not know the best way forward.

Here are some ways couples counseling can help:

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1. Understanding your partner better. We all have different styles of interacting with others, and yours may differ from your partner’s. If you are operating on different wavelengths, getting your needs met in the relationship may be challenging. A counselor can work with you to recognize and overcome natural differences. Learning about how your partner engages with the world (and why they engage the way they do) can help you develop empathy for them. Empathy is key to relationship success.
2. Improving your communication skills. One of the common misconceptions in relationships is when one partner believes the other should automatically know what they want or need from them. Learning to communicate openly and clearly in therapy about your emotional needs can help to enhance your connection.
3. Discovering ways to have constructive (rather than destructive) arguments. There can be lasting damage when relationship conflict gets out of hand. If anger is not kept under control, it can lead to contempt, resentment, blaming, yelling, name-calling, even domestic violence in extreme cases. In counseling, you can become aware of more productive ways to listen to one another and be heard. Learning anger management skills, effective time-out techniques, and how to use I-statements to express feelings can lead to an increase in respect and satisfaction.
   In counseling, you can become aware of more productive ways to listen to one another and be heard.
4. Addressing underlying issues that may be negatively impacting the relationship. If one person in the relationship has issues that are affecting their well-being, chances are their partner is experiencing tension and/or stress. Talking through these issues in couples counseling can be helpful. In some instances, the counselor may recommend individual therapy for one or both partners (with a different therapist).
5. Finding new ways to connect and build intimacy. At times, relationships may become entrenched in routines and responsibilities. Couples with children may start to view one another only in their roles as parents, rather than as romantic partners. Others may begin to take things for granted and stop nurturing their relationship. A therapist can offer strategies for reconnecting on an emotional level and rekindling passion and intimacy.
6. Rebuilding trust in the relationship. If there has been infidelity or betrayal but the couple is willing to work on the relationship, a counselor can help them to explore any underlying issues that may have led to the problem. Partners can safely express their fears and concerns, and they can work together with the nonjudgmental therapist to rebuild trust.
7. Determining whether to stay in the relationship. Some challenges may simply be too daunting. Only you and your partner can decide that. If both partners are willing to work at it, a therapist will hold space for the promise of your relationship. If, however, one or both partners are determined to end the relationship, a counselor can help find an amicable way to handle the breakup or separation/divorce.

All relationships go through difficult times and can benefit from couples counseling. We all want to feel loved, appreciated, and understood by our partners. We all want to make a good thing better. If your relationship feels off course or could simply use some fine-tuning, give couples counseling a try.

For many of us, stress is a fundamental part of life. Perhaps we tend to overextend ourselves with work, social commitments, and our personal lives. Or maybe we never turn off our many devices, which can prevent us from being able to simply relax and enjoy each moment. As a result of this overstimulation, we often end up seeking out ways to self-soothe.

Food can be a source of comfort for many people. And while emotional eating can help us feel good in the moment, it can often have negative effects over time.

How can we know if we have an unhealthy relationship with food? Signs that indicate emotional eating may be having a negative impact can include:

• Craving certain kinds of food. When we eat to comfort ourselves, the types of foods we choose are usually those that are the worst for us. People don’t often reach for nutritious foods like broccoli or spinach when trying to feel better. We are instead usually drawn to greasy, fried foods or sweet treats. These foods may make us feel better at first, but they do not provide us with any real nutritional value. What’s more, if we consistently choose them, we will be more likely to crave them when stressed. This can contribute to an unhealthy cycle.
• Eating more than we should. When we eat for emotional reasons rather than to satisfy our hunger, we are more likely to miss the cues the body gives us when we’re full. Many people try to “fill” an inner sense of emptiness or numb out uncomfortable emotions through mindless eating. But this can frequently lead to overindulgence, as the food never truly fulfills the need we’re trying to meet. [fat_widget_right]
• Weight gain and health issues. Frequent overeating and choosing foods that have little nutritional value can lead to weight gain and medical issues, such as diabetes, high cholesterol levels, and heart problems, among others.
• Yo-yo dieting and/or eating disorders. When people gain weight as a result of eating to self-soothe, they may then be more likely to go diet frequently or skip meals in order to lose weight. Others may start an unhealthy cycle of bingeing and purging in an attempt to avoid putting on weight. Both of these patterns can be extremely harmful to the body.
• Low self-esteem. When we feel unable to cope with stress in ways that support physical and emotional well-being, emotional eating can negatively impact the way we view ourselves and our bodies. This added challenge can make the stress we are trying to cope with even more difficult to effectively address.

You don’t have to change all of your eating habits overnight. It’s often easier to begin by making small changes.

If you believe you might have an unhealthy relationship with food, you may find it helpful to try some of the following techniques:

• Practice mindful eating. Being more aware of our eating habits can help us begin to eat healthier. If we eat in front of the computer or while watching TV or texting, we pay less attention to what we are doing and may end up eating more than we intend. By sitting down at a table and removing all distractions, we can begin to eat more mindfully. By truly tuning in to our bodies, we are better able to notice when we start to feel full.
• Find more effective ways to deal with stress. It may be difficult, if not impossible, to remove all of your stress from your life. But you can help reduce its effects by choosing activities that help decrease stress levels. You might find it helpful to go out for a walk, practice yoga, meditate, or garden, for example. Other options include doing hobbies you enjoy, listening to calming music, spending time in nature, and practicing relaxation exercises.
• Take small steps to start to eat healthier. You don’t have to change all of your eating habits overnight. It’s often easier to begin by making small changes. Try bringing more nutritious snacks to work, cutting back on processed and fast foods, eliminating or reducing your soda intake, and including more fruits and vegetables in your diet.
• Seek help from a trained professional. If you feel as though you are struggling to control your eating habits or if you believe you may be struggling with an eating disorder, you may find it helpful to contact a therapist experienced in working with eating and food issues. The support of a compassionate therapist or counselor can help you take steps to get back on track.

If you believe your relationship with food has become unhealthy or you find yourself struggling to manage your eating habits, you may find some of the suggestions above to be helpful. Exploring them on your own, or with the help of a qualified professional, can be beneficial as you work to develop healthier eating habits.

Making one small change at a time can help you deal with stress in more effective and productive ways, and eating to self-soothe may become less of a habit as a result. Being able to eat better is not only likely to help us feel better physically, but can also lead to improvements in how we feel about ourselves!

Reference:
Smith, M., Segal, J., & Segal, R. (2018). Emotional eating: How to recognize and stop emotional and stress eating. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm

All of us experience periods of ups and downs, which tend to be compounded by the demands of modern living. Stress has become the norm rather than the exception for many of us, and its long-term effects can be detrimental to our physical and mental health. Finding ways to manage stress more effectively is important in order to avoid becoming overly anxious, depressed, or contracting a physical ailment.

Meditation has been shown to hold significant potential in helping to reduce stress and increase a person’s sense of equanimity and well-being. Meditating on a regular basis can be advantageous for beginners and long-term practitioners alike. Regular practice is important, however, to maximize the benefits.

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Anyone can meditate. Pick a spot where you can be undisturbed for a predetermined amount of time and turn off your phone. If you have never meditated, start with just 10 minutes a day; later, you can gradually increase your time to 20 or 30 minutes, if you like. Consistency is key, so try to find a time that will work for you every day.

Many people like to start off the day by meditating. As meditation tends to have a grounding effect and helps to calm the mind, it can set the tone for the whole day when practiced first thing in the morning. If the evening works better, however, this can be a great way to unwind after a long day at work.

A few tips for meditating:

Meditation is a great tool to help us to deal more effectively with the pressures we face in a fast-paced world. If you remain open to its possibilities, practicing on a regular basis can lead to a healthier and happier life.

• Get in a comfortable seated position. You can sit in a straight-backed chair or on a cushion on the floor. If sitting on a chair, keep your back straight and both feet flat on the floor. If you opt to sit on a cushion on the floor, sit with your back straight and legs crossed or adopt a lotus or half-lotus position (if either is comfortable for you).
• Focus on your breath. Bring your awareness to the air entering your nostrils and going into your lungs during the inhale, then on the air emptying from your lungs and going out of your nostrils during the exhale. Counting each inhale can help you to stay more focused. Try counting until you reach 10, then start over. If you find your mind has wandered, bring your awareness back to the breath and start counting again.
• Allow your thoughts to come and go. Try to avoid getting caught up in your “normal” thinking process. Imagine that your mind is like the clear blue sky and your thoughts are clouds crossing overhead. As you become more accustomed to doing this, you may find yourself getting less attached to your thoughts and the story line you usually associate with your notion of who you are.

Some of the many benefits associated with meditating on a regular basis include:

• Stress reduction
• Increased ability to concentrate
• Increased self-esteem
• Greater self-acceptance
• Increased happiness and peace of mind
• Reduced levels of depression and anxiety
• Lower blood pressure
• Increased self-awareness
• Stronger immune system
• Improved cardiovascular health
• Better sleep

Meditation is a great tool to help us to deal more effectively with the pressures we face in a fast-paced world. If you remain open to its possibilities, practicing on a regular basis can lead to a healthier and happier life. For guidance in setting up a meditation practice, reach out to a therapist who is experienced with mindfulness techniques.

Reference:

Meditation: In depth. (2017, September 7). Retrieved from https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm

Low self-esteem has become an epidemic in our society. Feelings of unworthiness and an impaired self-image can occur starting at a young age and may lead to mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. People who lack confidence in their abilities may negatively compare themselves to others and may refrain from trying new things out of fear of failure.

Because of unrealistic media portrayals of what a healthy body looks like, young girls and women can be especially vulnerable to developing low self-esteem and body image issues. When girls are conditioned to believe skinny bodies are desirable and should be the norm, they may feel inadequate by comparison. According to a survey conducted in 2016, 69% of women and 65% of girls feel pressured to attain an unrealistic standard of “beauty.” The negative impact on their overall view of themselves can lead to decreased self-confidence and feelings of unworthiness, as well as “yo-yo dieting” and/or eating disorders.

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Social media can also contribute to an impaired view of self-worth, as many people tend to compare their lives with others and may feel they come up lacking. Seeing only happy moments and pictures posted online can create a discrepancy in what people would like to see in their own lives and the reality of what is happening. Understanding that social media portray an unrealistic and limited view of people’s experiences is important to keep in mind.

Because low self-esteem can be so harmful, finding ways to feel better about ourselves and our abilities is vital to our well-being. The following are some methods that can be used to help increase self-esteem:

• Don’t beat yourself up. A common issue for people with low self-esteem is negative self-talk. If you have a tendency to beat yourself up, try to replace the negative inner dialogue with positive statements about yourself. Look for your strengths and focus on these, rather than on your weaknesses. When you catch yourself berating yourself, replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations about yourself.
• Don’t compare yourself to other people. We are all special and unique, with different gifts to offer. Trying to become like others or to measure up to others’ standards can be exhausting and make us feel inadequate. Concentrate instead on being the best version of yourself that you can be and on improving on the innate skills you already possess.
• Avoid perfectionism. We are all human and therefore imperfect. Striving for an idealized version of yourself can be detrimental, as you will never be able to achieve perfection. While having attainable goals to work toward is important, don’t feel as if you have to do everything perfectly. Failure can actually be beneficial at times, as we may learn valuable lessons that can help us with future endeavors.
• Develop a healthier relationship with your body. If you tend to struggle with body image issues, work toward developing a better outlook by focusing on health rather than on weight. Choose healthy eating options whenever possible without going overboard. In addition, find an activity you enjoy that you can commit to on a regular basis. This could be going for a daily walk after work, taking a kickboxing or yoga class, or working out at the gym.
• Limit your use of social media. Try to avoid spending too much time on social media, as this can lead to unrealistic expectations regarding relationships and lifestyles. Remember that most people only post pictures that make their lives appear happy and fun, but that this is not an accurate representation of their experience as a whole. Spending too much time looking at what others are doing also means we are spending less time enjoying our own lives.
• Set attainable goals. Determining what to focus on in our lives is important, so take some time to set some goals for yourself and break these down into small steps that can gradually help you accomplish them. Feeling we are making progress toward our dreams can help to boost our confidence levels and make us feel good about ourselves.
• Meet with a counselor. If self-esteem issues have become a serious problem in your life and/or have led to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or an eating disorder, you may want to consider meeting with a therapist in order to work on healing any inner wounds and improving your self-image.

Although low self-esteem has become commonplace in our society, there are ways we can work on developing a healthier sense of self. Try some or all of the ideas listed above to increase your self-confidence and start to feel better about yourself. If you want support, contact a licensed therapist.

Reference:

New Dove research finds beauty pressures up, and women and girls calling for change. (2016, June 21). Retrieved from http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-dove-research-finds-beauty-pressures-up-and-women-and-girls-calling-for-change-583743391.html

Many therapists have dreams of one day starting their own private practice. Following through on these aspirations, however, requires taking a number of things into consideration.

There are definite pros and cons. Having worked as a therapist for a number of community organizations prior to having my own private practice, I can attest to the validity of both. Some of the issues to consider include:

Business Concerns

Starting a private practice requires exploring the laws in your city that apply to owning your own business. You will typically need to obtain a business license from the city you live in and renew it on a yearly basis.

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Work Schedule

Owning your own business means having the freedom to limit the number of days and hours worked. However, you also need to be able to accommodate people when they are available to come in, which may require having to work evenings and/or weekends.

Marketing

Being in private practice requires taking the steps necessary to generate business, which many therapists feel uncomfortable doing. Establishing a web presence is important in order to attract individuals looking for the specific services you offer, the therapeutic approaches you use, and any areas of expertise you may have. Effective ways of advertising include creating a practice website, writing a blog, and maintaining one or more professional profiles on online therapist directories such as GoodTherapy.org. All of these efforts take time and some financial investment.

Insurance Panels

Working with insurance companies can provide an ongoing stream of referrals and new business. Many individuals will contact only therapists who accept their insurance. In addition, many insurance companies will transfer payments electronically into the therapist’s bank account upon request, which can be quicker and easier than receiving checks in the mail and having to make trips to the bank. On the other hand, it can be a lengthy and difficult process becoming a provider for many of the insurance panels out there. The applications are often long and time-consuming to fill out, and they can take anywhere from three to four months to be processed. In some parts of the country, a number of insurance panels may already be saturated, making it difficult to join and limiting the number of individuals you are able to see. Reimbursement rates are also often quite a bit lower than many therapists’ typical rates, and it can often take up to 30 days to get reimbursed. If claims are not submitted in a timely manner and/or there are problems with the claims, this can also slow down the reimbursement process or even prevent the therapist from getting paid. Calling insurance companies to check on claims can also be tedious, as their call lines tend to be busy.

Expenses

Going into private practice requires taking into consideration the overhead and other expenses that apply when one owns a business. Some of the expenses to account for include the need to lease office space; the cost of utilities; furnishing the space; marketing efforts; obtaining office supplies and business cards; and the price of medical, dental, and liability insurance. You will also need to decide whether to do your billing yourself, which can be time-consuming, or hire someone to do it for you. If you are just starting out, you may want to consider subletting an office on a part-time basis (for example, on weekends and/or one or two evenings a week) to start building your practice before quitting your full-time job.

Fluctuating Income

Although a private practice can be profitable, it can also be unpredictable at times. Whereas you are typically guaranteed a certain monthly income when working for an agency or organization, a private practice does not provide the same level of security. The number of individuals seen, as well as the income generated, tends to vary from month to month. It can also take time to build up sufficient business for you to live off of, and you have to set aside money for taxes and/or make quarterly estimated tax payments, as this will not be done for you. You also need to keep in mind you will not get paid for any time off, so you will need to have a cushion set aside in order to account for any vacation or sick time.

Going into private practice can be profitable and rewarding, but it can take a lot of time and energy before you get to that point. The risks associated with any type of business are not for everyone, but the dream of starting your own private practice can become a reality if you are willing to take a leap of faith and put in the work needed in order to succeed.

People are drawn to the helping professions for many different reasons. They may feel a calling to assist in relieving others’ suffering and to help them heal from their emotional wounds. They may have been traumatized themselves and wish to share the coping skills they’ve learned with others going through similar issues. Or they may feel caring for others brings meaning and a sense of purpose to their lives.

Whatever their reasons for becoming a therapist or other helping professional, they often experience vicarious trauma through the stories told by the people they work with. This secondary trauma, also referred to as compassion fatigue, can seriously hinder their work if they remain unaware of its negative impact and/or do not practice sufficient self-care strategies.

Becoming aware of the signs of compassion fatigue is the first step in addressing the issue. The following are some red flags:

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1. Preoccupation with the traumatic stories of the people they work with
2. Emotional symptoms of anger, grief, mood swings, anxiety, or depression
3. Physical issues related to stress, such as headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, or problems sleeping
4. Feeling burned out, powerless, hopeless, disillusioned, irritable, and/or angry toward “the system”
5. A tendency to self-isolate, be tardy, avoid certain people, or experience a lack of empathy and loss of motivation

Some of the professionals most likely to experience compassion fatigue include therapists, social workers, child welfare workers, emergency workers, police officers, firefighters, and ministers. However, anyone working with trauma survivors is susceptible to vicarious trauma. Helping professionals who have been subjected to trauma themselves also may be more at risk for developing compassion fatigue, especially if they have not worked through their issues.

Developing an adequate self-care strategy is key to preventing or overcoming vicarious trauma. Some of the techniques that can be used include:

• Maintain a good work-life balance. This involves taking time off to recharge and avoiding working long hours and/or carrying too heavy of a caseload or workload.
• Exercise to relieve stress. Developing a good workout routine is important to help increase feel-good endorphins and improve one’s outlook on life. Taking a yoga class, doing aerobic activity, or even just going for a walk can be invigorating and help change one’s perspective.
• Start a meditation practice. Initially, try sitting quietly for just 10 minutes a day, then gradually increase the time to 20 minutes. Meditation has many benefits and can assist one with feeling more peaceful and grounded.
• Develop a good social network. Having a good support system in place is important in order to be able to connect with others in a meaningful way.
• Use humor to unwind. Humor is good medicine when it comes to relieving stress and improving one’s mood. Watch a comedy, play with a pet, read a funny book—whatever moves you and helps you relax.
• Reconnect with Mother Nature. Being out in nature is therapeutic, whether you go for a hike in the woods, a walk on the beach, or just do a little gardening.
• Get involved with activities outside of work. Take your mind off of work by taking a class or engaging in a creative endeavor such as drawing, painting, or writing.
• Meet with a therapist to discuss concerns. Even individuals in the helping professions can benefit from meeting with a counselor, especially when they are experiencing compassion fatigue. A compassionate therapist can help put things in perspective and help identify additional coping skills.

Although all helping professionals are in danger of developing compassion fatigue, especially when working with individuals who have experienced traumatic events, having a self-care plan in place can help reduce the risks.

Have you ever been in a relationship that felt as though it sapped all of your energy? If so, you may have been in a codependent relationship. Codependency is generally defined as a type of relationship in which one person supports the other in an unhealthy behavior of some kind. This could be enabling someone to maintain an addiction, to not take responsibility for his or her actions, or to become overly reliant on you.

Codependency is often learned in a dysfunctional family environment. There are generally underlying issues that have been ignored or minimized, such as an addiction, physical or sexual abuse, or a family member struggling with a chronic mental health condition. Frequently, the person in the caretaking role disregards personal needs and focuses on providing for the other financially, emotionally, and/or physically. The person being taken care of comes to depend on the caretaker’s help in order to enable him or her to maintain life choices. Feelings in this type of family or relationship are generally repressed, and problems tend to go unacknowledged.

Some of the signs that indicate you might be in a codependent relationship include:

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1. Recognizing the harmful behaviors that your partner or loved one is engaging in, but providing for that person in such a way that he/she is not having to suffer consequences.
2. Remaining in an unhealthy relationship despite the emotional and psychological toll to your own health.
3. Feeling unappreciated, angry, and resentful, but also afraid of retaliation if you stop “rescuing” or taking care of the other individual.
4. Difficulties with setting appropriate limits or boundaries in the relationship.
5. Putting the needs of others before your own.
6. Being overly protective and taking on all responsibility for your partner or loved one.
7. Minimizing or denying the problem.
8. Having poor communication skills, especially regarding the problem and/or your emotions.

Although the caretaker in the codependent relationship usually has good intentions and generally acts out of a sincere desire to help a partner or loved one, the situation typically ends up backfiring. Over time, the caretaker an start to feel unacknowledged and taken for granted. By constantly protecting the loved one from the consequences of his or her actions, the relied-upon partner actually helps to foster even more of the destructive behaviors. This, in turn, prevents the loved one from experiencing important life lessons and learning to take responsibility.

So how can you stop the unhealthy dynamics of a codependent relationship? A few methods include:

• Setting appropriate boundaries in the relationship. Take stock of your feelings and determine where you will draw the line when offering financial, emotional, and/or physical support.
• Stop rescuing your loved one from the consequences of destructive or inappropriate behaviors. Providing resources for getting help with an addiction, for example, is much more loving than covering up for the person’s actions and watching that person slowly ruin his/her life.
• Spend more time with friends doing activities you enjoy. Broaden your horizons and develop a larger support system that you can turn to when you need someone to depend on.
• Acknowledge your own needs and start implementing more self-care strategies. This is often one of the most difficult things for people on the caretaking end of a codependent relationship to do, but it’s one of the most necessary, too.
• Get help from a mental health professional. Codependent relationships can be difficult to leave or change. If you have been struggling to make changes on your own, contact a therapist to work through these issues in a caring environment.

Although codependent relationships can be extremely challenging, change is possible by following some or all of the methods listed above. A great deal of pain and suffering can be alleviated by learning to set healthier boundaries in order to stop any destructive behaviors and support the growth of the partners or family members involved.

In our fast-paced society, more and more people find it challenging to juggle unrealistic work and home life demands. We frequently have to deal with high levels of daily stress, which negatively affects our physical and mental health. Many of our most common physical ailments, such as headaches, digestive problems, high blood pressure, insomnia, and an impaired immune system, can in many cases be attributed to stress. The same is true for many of our psychological issues, including anger, irritability, depression, and anxiety.

Finding ways to lower our stress levels is therefore extremely important for our overall health. Eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, and meditating on a regular basis are all factors that can contribute to a more balanced lifestyle. When these self-care techniques fail to help us to feel better, seeking help from a third party may be beneficial.

Some of the signs that might indicate counseling could be helpful in your situation include the following:

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1. Feeling sad and unmotivated. If you have had feelings of hopelessness, decreased energy, sadness, irritability, thoughts of suicide, feel overwhelmed and unable to cope, or are no longer finding pleasure in activities you used to enjoy, you may be dealing with depression and may benefit from talking to a professional.
2. Excessive worry. If you feel as though your anxiety is interfering with your ability to do normal activities and/or you are unable to sleep at night due to ongoing rumination about your difficulties, you may want to consider seeking help.
3. Trauma or abuse. If you have experienced any type of traumatic event or abusive relationship, coming to terms with your experience by talking to an empathic other can be extremely helpful. Trauma and abuse can leave long-term scars that, if left untreated, can negatively impact your life, relationships, and ability to experience joy or happiness.
4. Relationship problems. If your relationship has become unfulfilling and you feel you are no longer able to communicate effectively with your significant other, seeking out couples counseling can be a helpful step in getting your relationship back on track.
5. Difficult life transitions. We all face difficult life situations at times–the loss of a job, a move to a new city, a divorce, or the loss of a loved one. When difficulties such as these arise and you find it difficult to move on, talking with a counselor can be an effective way to process your feelings and work through any lingering grief.
6. Addictions. If you are struggling with any type of addiction—substance abuse, an eating disorder, gambling, or sex addiction—this could be a sign you are trying to cope with unresolved issues or feelings in unhealthy and inappropriate ways and may obtain benefit from professional help.
7. Obsessive or compulsive behaviors. If you are spending too much time double checking to make sure you have turned off the stove, obsessively washing your hands, or are consumed by compulsive thoughts, receiving counseling could be extremely beneficial in getting your life in order.
8. Children excessively acting out. If your child or children have been misbehaving and you are at your wit’s end trying to figure out what to do, talking with a professional who has experience with children’s issues can be helpful. A counselor or therapist can frequently provide you with some additional parenting tools to make your life easier.

In addition to helping with the issues above and others, obtaining professional help may provide you with more insight and awareness. Although it can sometimes feel scary to take the first step to reach out, reducing your symptoms and learning to cope in healthier ways can make doing so more than worthwhile.

Being a good parent can be difficult. We are never really taught how to raise children effectively, and generally tend to repeat behaviors we have learned from our own parents. If we grew up in a dysfunctional environment, this can lead to our replicating the same mistakes we witnessed and experienced as children when our turn to become parents comes around.

Many parents who come to see me ask how they can learn better parenting skills. They often feel ineffectual when trying to discipline their children, but do not know what they can do differently. The following are some effective tools to use in order to bring about a little more order in your household:

1. Praise Your Children

Any time you catch your child being good, make sure you let him or her know how appreciative you are of his or her good behavior. Everyone responds in positive ways to praise, children included, so this will encourage your child to behave in desirable ways.

2. Use Behavioral Incentives

In order to inspire your kids to do their chores, put a chart or calendar up on the wall listing, day by day, the tasks you want them to complete. This could include things such as taking out the trash or setting the table for dinner, but you can also include behaviors such as doing their homework, brushing their teeth, or being nice to siblings.

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When the child performs the desired behaviors, he or she gets to put a sticker on the chart for the day. As your child accumulates a certain number of stickers, he or she can earn special incentives that are known ahead of time. These could be anything from choosing a favorite dinner, going on a special outing, watching a movie that your child has been looking forward to, or anything else he or she would enjoy.

For very young children, it can be helpful to break down the day into shorter periods in order to reward desired behaviors more quickly. You may want to have them be able to earn three stickers a day, for example—for the morning, afternoon, and evening. Even if they are not successful for the entire day, they can at least be rewarded for shorter time periods and will gradually want to earn more and more stickers and rewards.

3. Use Consistent Discipline Techniques

When your children misbehave, they need to understand the specific behaviors you do not want them to do. Let them know what they are doing wrong, then provide a warning. Your explanations should be very clear and simple, so that they understand exactly which were the problem behaviors.

When your children misbehave, they need to understand the specific behaviors you do not want them to do.

If a child continues to misbehave, put him or her in a designated area away from the rest of the family that has been chosen for time-outs. Make sure that the child remains in the designated spot for the entire time-out period. The time-out should not last more than several minutes, but the child should not be allowed to talk or play during this time.

At the end of the time-out period, reiterate to your child the reason that he or she was put in time-out and ask for an apology. Consistency is very important when it comes to teaching children appropriate behavior, so the time-out strategy should be used every time your child misbehaves after having been given an initial, unheeded warning.

4. Communicate with Your Child

If your child is acting uncharacteristically poorly, attempt to find out what may be going on. Children have a tendency to act out when they are being picked on at school or sense tension within the family. Try talking with them to find out if they are upset about something you are unaware of so you can address any potential problems.

5. Maintain a Structured Routine

Children respond well to structure, so try to have meals and bedtime at the same time every day. When kids become overly tired, they may be more prone to acting out, so make sure they are getting enough rest.

Using the techniques above can help to make for a more peaceful home environment. If you are still having problems managing your child’s behavior or your child has recently become more fearful, angry, or aggressive, meeting with a psychotherapist may be helpful in order to explore the underlying reasons for the behaviors and to get your child back on track.

Stress is an ongoing problem for many people in our fast-paced society. We have forgotten how to stop and smell the roses, and instead spend our days rushing to and from work, school, the store, or going to any number of other activities. We tend to be plugged into our iPhones, iPads, and computers for the majority of the day and struggle with unwinding and slowing down for a sufficient period of time to feel refreshed and relaxed.

One of the locations where we may experience significant stress is the workplace, where we are often expected to keep up with high demands, frequent interruptions, and multitasking. Over time, this level of pressure can take its toll on both our physical and psychological health and well-being.

As a therapist, one of the questions I am asked most frequently is how to deal more effectively with stress on the job. Some people may have a self-care routine at home, but they often have more difficulties with maintaining one at work. The following are strategies that can be used to help in reducing stress levels on the job:

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1. Avoid eating lunch at your desk. Whenever possible, try to leave your work environment in order to take a break for lunch. Going for a brief walk and getting a little sunshine and fresh air can do wonders for refreshing your spirit in the middle of the workday. If this is not possible, at least try to eat lunch somewhere other than at your desk in order to avoid continuing to work at the same time.
2. Take a five-minute relaxation break once or twice a day. If you are feeling particularly stressed over a specific situation at work, take a break and listen to a short meditation or relaxation app that can be downloaded onto your phone. This can help you to gain a different perspective or to at least come back and approach your workload from a fresher frame of mind.
3. Get organized. Prioritize your workload to get things done in order of their importance. Becoming more efficient with your time will help to reduce your stress levels, as you may feel that you are accomplishing more. If you tend to struggle in this area, you might want to consider enrolling in a time management class, where you can learn more effective ways of organizing your tasks.
4. Get up and stretch. If you spend a lot of time working on the computer, try to get up once in a while to stretch your muscles. This can also be helpful in alleviating the eyestrain associated with looking at the screen for long periods at a time.
5. Discuss problems regarding your workload with your boss. Many people tell me that they feel overworked, but they frequently don’t express their concerns with their supervisor, which tends to make them feel worse. By talking to your boss about any issues that are coming up, you may be able to get some help resolving them. If this does not solve the problem, then you can reevaluate the situation and possibly consider looking for another job.
6. Take a few deep breaths. If you have had a stressful interaction with a client, colleague, or supervisor, try breathing deeply for a few minutes and focusing in on any tension you are feeling in your body. By taking a few moments to breathe, you can take your concentration off the stressful situation and center yourself prior to moving on to your next task.
7. Look at problems as challenges rather than obstacles. We can sometimes find creative solutions when we approach issues with an open mind and positive attitude rather than just considering the negative side. Also, think of what you might be able to learn from the situation instead of focusing on what you can’t do.

Although you can help to relieve tension on the job by following some of the techniques above, developing a good self-care regimen before and after work is an important part of reducing your overall stress levels. Start your day by meditating when you wake up to begin on a peaceful note, and try to incorporate some exercise into your routine at least several times a week. Also, make sure you are getting enough sleep in order to feel refreshed before facing your day.

Stress can have devastating effects on our health if we don’t take some time out to care for ourselves on a daily basis. Dedicating a little time every day to nourish our bodies, minds, and spirits can be an effective way to reduce our stress levels and improve our well-being.