by Carey Cloyd, Marriage and Family Therapist

Women’s Issues: 4 Tips for Making Female Friends as an Adult

Creating and fostering friendships can take more effort and intention as an adult when one is no longer in school. This can depend in part on one’s workplace and role. However, many people report finding it more difficult to make friends as an adult than they did as a child – and for women, this challenge may feel pronounced. It is important to address any feelings of isolation and loneliness by actively cultivating friendships with other women to feel more bonded and supported. Friendships have been shown to help decrease anxiety, stress, and worry, positively impacting overall health and well-being.

4 Tips for Cultivating Female Friendships

#1 Take action and be consistent.

It is important to both respond to and reach out to female friends when it is authentic for one to do so. Of course, some balance in who is initiating contact is generally appreciated and valuable. Finding and maintaining a balance in who is initiating can be an important factor as you consider to what degree you’re moved to invest in a new friendship. You may assume that others are uninterested, when in fact, they may have some of the same needs, desires, concerns, and interests in a friendship that you do.

Get the ball rolling: You can give someone a compliment, initiate a conversation, and extend an invitation for a walk or to lunch. 

#2 Know that rejection is part of the experience.

In your quest to develop and maintain friendships, feelings of rejection and abandonment may arise. It is best to expect that such feelings will arise sometimes. Remember that you are assessing the friendship, as well as being assessed by your new connection. Someone may not feel the same level of interest as you do and/or may not be a friendship match for you. If someone is not interested in continuing a friendship, their disinterest may be an accurate indicator of the viability of a friendship. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. One-sided friendships hurt, and you don’t have to languish over them. Move forward and continue to look for like-minded companions with shared interests.

#3 Don’t focus on numbers; focus on quality relationships.

Many assume that someone with many friends is more socially successful and better off than those with just a few friends. It’s not quite so simple. Personalities differ; while some people thrive socializing with many people, others shine in relationships with a few people. It’s most important what works best for you. This knowledge about yourself is where self-care and self-acceptance come in.

#4 Keep it going!

If there is momentum created in a new female friendship, make sure to keep it up. Fostering adult friendship takes time, attention, focus, and care. There may be a longer lapse than usual between visits or phone calls, etc. You can be the one to pick up the ball and initiate contact to keep the relationship going. For some, it may be nice to settle into a routine when you have contact on a relatively regular basis—be that daily, weekly, monthly, or quarterly. Find what fits for you and each of your friends, knowing that there may be changes over a long friendship based on current circumstances.

If you’re feeling scared, lonely, or overwhelmed by feelings of isolation, reaching out to a therapist in your area for support might be the best thing you could do.

The role of video games (particularly violent ones) in aggression is an ongoing subject of scientific debate. Most research has focused on the effects of video games on children and adolescents. A new study published in Molecular Psychology analyzes how video games affect adults. The study found daily play of violent video games is not linked to long-term aggression in adults.

According to the study’s authors, these findings contradict the 2015 American Psychological Association (APA) report on video games. The APA review found a link between violent video games and increased aggression. Yet many critics argued the report was based on flawed research and a poor understanding of the role video games have in the lives of young people.

Research published in 2016 suggests parents and kids can benefit from playing video games together. A 2018 study found violent video games do not prime for aggressive behavior.

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The Long-Term Effects of Violent Video Games

Many previous studies suggest violent video games may temporarily make people more aggressive. These studies have mostly looked at the minutes immediately following a play session. To significantly increase the risk of violent behavior, video games would need to produce longer-lasting effects.

To weigh the long-term effects of violent gameplay, researchers analyzed 77 participants. The average participant age was 28. About half of recruits were female. While participants knew the study was about video games, they did not know what researchers were testing.

The study’s authors divided the participants into three groups. Twenty-five recruits played Grand Theft Auto V each day for two months. Critics have long argued that Grand Theft Auto is too violent and that the violence is too realistic. Twenty-four participants played The Sims 3 daily for two months. The Sims is a simulation game that contains little or no violence. Twenty-eight participants played no video games for two months.

Before the two-month period, researchers administered 208 tests. These tests measured psychological factors such as anxiety, impulse control, aggression, and empathy. At the end of the play period, the team repeated the tests. The analysis controlled for sex and age, since research suggests these factors can influence aggression.

Three of the 208 tests showed changes that might result in more aggression. The study’s authors dismiss these changes as coincidental. Overall, they found no significant changes in aggression between groups. In fact, they found no changes in any of the tested variables.

The researchers found no connection between violent games and aggression. Nor were these games linked to decreased empathy or impulse control. The study challenges the notion that violent video games cause lasting psychological harm.

References:

1. Daily dose of violent video games has no long-term effect on adult aggression, researchers find. (2018, March 14). ScienceDaily. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/03/180314102008.htm
2. Kuhn, S., Kugler, D. T., Schmalen, K., Weichenberger, M., Witt, C., & Gallinat, J. (2018). Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study. Molecular Psychiatry. Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7