Neither and Both: Understanding Ambiverts

If introversion and extroversion are the poles on a spectrum, ambiverts are the people who fall in the very middle of that spectrum. 

As we’ve recently been exploring, extroverts typically feel emotionally filled up and energized after social interactions. In contrast, introverts typically feel emotionally filled up and energized when they spend time alone. And while no one is a pure extrovert or introvert, most people find that they fall more on one side or the other. But some people don’t see themselves in the definitions of introverts or extroverts or see themselves in both. Where do they fit? 

I’m Not an Introvert… I’m Not an Extrovert…What Am I?

Ambiversion is a term used to describe individuals whose social needs vary. Sometimes, what restores and refreshes them is time spent alone or in tranquil environments. At other times, they find social and high-energy situations energizing and restorative. They don’t fall neatly into one of the other boxes, so this third term was created for them: ambiverts. Just like an ambidextrous person can use both their right and left hand with pretty equal strength and skill, so an ambivert is both internally and externally focused, and can be alone or 

The Middle of the Road

Labels can promote self-exploration and understanding, but when you don’t fit any of the available labels, you start to wonder about yourself. That’s why the introduction of the term “ambivert” is important–because there are people who truly do fall in the middle, and now we have a way to talk about that middle-space, understand it, and appreciate that, just like their introverted and extroverted counterparts, ambiverts are not alone in their operational patterns. 

While introverts and extroverts tend to be fairly predictable in their social needs, ambiverts are not. This isn’t a bad thing! Ambiverts are actually the most emotionally diverse group out of the three.

7 Signs You Might Be an Ambivert

Context Affects Your Needs 

Depending on the situation, you might feel like an extrovert one day and an introvert the next. Context plays a big role in this; when you consider your current social needs, what you’ve been up to in the last week or day can play a significant role in what you need right now. Some days, you might feel like being in a crowded room full of people; others, you might want to stay home. Both are okay.

You Have a (Changing) Social Limit

Your extroverted friends may expect you to always want to be out and about with them, but if you’re an ambivert, some days that is just not the case. Your social limit changes from day-to-day, and it’s okay to need time to yourself.

You Prefer Deep Conversation But Are Also Good at Small Talk

Ambiverts can do it all, but at the end of the day, they value more in-depth conversations. They like to get to know others in a meaningful rather than superficial way.

You Can Be Reserved and Outgoing

With constantly changing social needs, ambiverts are often quite self-aware out of necessity. Thus they generally know when to set their boundaries and withdraw, and when to let loose and be outgoing and energetic. This balance is great for maintaining all types of relationships.

You Can Be Something of a Chameleon

One unique aspect of ambiverts is their ability to shift how you’re showing up in a moment to fit the needs of the situation. For example, if you’re chatting with a friend who is quiet and withdrawn, you might go into your outgoing-mode, while if you’re talking to someone with a lot of chatty social energy, you might pull back a bit and go into your listening, attentive, introverted-friend mode. You may be an ambivert if you find your friends are all over the spectrum in their personalities and social needs since you can (and often do) shift a bit, like a chameleon, to suit them pretty easily. 

New People Are Great as Long as Your Friends are With You

Ambiverts may initially present themselves to new acquaintances in a more reserved way until they are comfortable enough to open up and express their more extroverted side. Having a familiar friend along can ease this process. 

You Need Alone Time AND Social Time

Alone time is still critical to the ambivert who enjoys being social. Both situations fill them up in different ways. It’s almost like ambiverts have two tanks, a social tank and an alone-time tank, that both need to be maintained. 

What Ambiverts Bring to the Table

Ambiverts naturally offer a balancing influence to society. They grease the wheels in social situations. They can relate to just about anyone, which means they can be the relational glue in friendships and true peacemakers when conflict arises. Ambiverts also bring a contemplative self-awareness that can inspire others to do the work of being introspective, self-attuned, and capable of healthy boundaries. 

Creativity comes in many forms: finding new ways to manage a toddler’s temper tantrums, painting a portrait which moves observers, or solving a business efficiency problem. Creative thinking fuels new ideas, novel solutions, and often greater happiness. While many people associate creativity with intense, one-sided emotional experiences, some research suggests ambivalence may play an important role in creative thinking.

What is Ambivalence?

Ambivalence is a state of mixed feelings or conflicting views. An ambivalent person might wish to follow multiple courses of action (Example: wanting to see two movies that play at the same time). Ambivalence could also mean seeing valid points in both sides of an argument. For example, a person might think abortion is immoral in most cases but still support the pro-choice movement.

Ambivalence can be an uncomfortable experience, particularly when people feel ambivalent about topics of deep personal importance. An individual might feel ambivalent about their relationship with an imperfect parent. They might love raising children but hate how much parenthood limits their freedom.

Deeply ambivalent people may struggle to make decisions. This can feel exhausting, frustrating, and deeply paralyzing. For a powerful example, witness the extreme decision fatigue of Chidi Anagonye in the popular TV series The Good Place.

Yet the discomfort of ambivalence can fuel creative thinking and thoughtful decision-making. People grappling with this discomfort may want to consider how ambivalence enables them to see issues from multiple perspectives. Ambivalence can enable them to maintain an open mind, reduce the risk of bias, and could ultimately lead to better decisions.

Creativity and Decisions

Researchers once thought only positive emotions fueled creativity. This seems logical at first blush. It makes intuitive sense that a person who is happy while writing is more likely to write creatively. But emerging research suggests an emotion’s intensity, not its positivity or negativity, is what actually affects creativity.

A study published in 2013 claims states of low emotional intensity tend to broaden a person’s cognitive scope. Meanwhile, states of high emotional intensity narrow their cognitive focus. In other words, nervousness or amusement are more likely to boost creativity than terror or ecstasy. Positive and negative emotions seem to affect creativity equally.

Good decisions aren’t made when you’re frustrated and trying forcefully to ‘figure it out.’ When you free yourself from the trappings of your logical mind, you will be able to see and hear other solutions that go beyond what your mind can think up.Another 2013 study found that having diverse emotional experiences can play a role in creativity. One trait the study examined was “affective engagement”, or the extent to which people are open to feeling a range of human emotions. The study found affective engagement supports more creative achievement in the arts. This trait predicted artistic creativity better than either a person’s IQ or their intellectual interest in the topic.

These results point to the role of ambivalence in creativity. People who are open to the full scope of human emotions are more likely to experience some ambivalence—both envy of and happiness about a friend’s success, for example. People who are not open to uncomfortable emotions may try to repress negative feelings.

A 2006 study supports the notion that ambivalence can provide creative fuel. In two lab experiments, researchers found people experiencing emotional ambivalence were more adept at recognizing unusual conceptual relationships. This may support creative thinking. The study argues ambivalence is an unusual emotional experience, a combination of seemingly incompatible feelings. People who feel ambivalent may be more sensitive to unique associations that those not experiencing ambivalence fail to notice.

Kim Egel, MA, MFT, a California therapist who often works with creative thinkers, highlights the role of ambivalence in freeing the mind to make decisions.

“When you think of making a decision as a creative process, that perspective can help you to get out of your logical head and help you tap into your heart space. Good decisions aren’t made when you’re frustrated and trying forcefully to ‘figure it out.’ When you free yourself from the trappings of your logical mind, you will be able to see and hear other solutions that go beyond what your mind can think up,” she told GoodTherapy.

Creative thinking is, by definition, thinking differently about something. Ambivalence allows a person to integrate multiple perspectives. Certainty may feel comfortable, but it is unlikely to help a person move beyond their preconceived notions to produce novel solutions.

When Ambivalence is a Sign of a Larger Problem

Like most emotional states, ambivalence is neither inherently good nor inherently bad. People should instead assess ambivalence based on how it affects their lives and overall well-being. People who experience creative thinking and thoughtful problem-solving during states of ambivalence may come to rely on it as a useful tool. For others, ambivalence prevents thoughtful decision-making and undermines relationships.

Ambivalence may signal a larger problem when:

• It becomes a relationship pattern. Some people feel ambivalent about all of their relationships. This can be a way to avoid intimacy or escape responsibility. It can also destroy relationships.
• A person is ambivalent because of chronic mental health issues. For example, people with anxiety may have trouble making decisions because their anxiety forces them to evaluate every potential risk.
• Ambivalence causes intense distress. Some ambivalent people are not able to make decisions quickly or easily. They can feel pressured to make the “perfect” decision in all circumstances or to pay equal respect to every possible opinion on an issue.
• Ambivalence is due to negative societal forces. For example, a woman with a high-status position in a male-dominated field may feel ambivalent about her success because of impostor syndrome. Sometimes people feel ambivalent because they worry they don’t deserve their success or that they can’t trust their own emotions.

Therapy can assist with all these issues and more. A compassionate therapist can support an individual as they learn to understand and grapple with feelings of ambivalence. They can help the person trust their own feelings, make decisions, and abandon fear or self-doubt. Rather than dismissing all ambivalence as negative, the right therapist can help a person derive value from the experience.

References:

1. Fong, C. T. (2006). The effects of emotional ambivalence on creativity. Academy of Management Journal, 49(5), 1016-1030. Retrieved from https://journals.aom.org/doi/full/10.5465/amj.2006.22798182
2. Harmon-Jones, E., Gable, P. A., & Price, T. F. (2013, August 5). Does negative affect always narrow and positive affect always broaden the mind? Considering the influence of motivational intensity on cognitive scope. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(4), 301-307. Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0963721413481353
3. Kaufman, S. B. (2013). Opening up openness to experience: A four-factor model and relations to creative achievement in the arts and sciences. The Journal of Creative Behavior, 47(4), 233-255. Retrieved from https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Kaufman-2013.pdf
4. Kaufman, S. B. (2015, August 12). The emotions that make us more creative. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2015/08/the-emotions-that-make-us-more-creative
5. Leslie, I. (2013, June 13). Ambivalence is awful. Slate. Retrieved from https://slate.com/technology/2013/06/ambivalence-conflicted-feelings-cause-discomfort-and-creativity.html