Patterns are repetitive behaviours, thoughts, or emotional reactions that develop over time and are often connected to underlying beliefs. Whether we realize it or not, patterns shape the way we respond to situations, interact with others, and see ourselves. The more we repeat a behaviour or thought process, the more our brain accepts it as normal or true.

How Patterns Work

For example, someone may believe that every time they walk a certain route home, they always trip over the same uneven piece of sidewalk. Instead of changing their route or paying closer attention, they continue to walk the same way and expect the same outcome. Over time, the belief becomes reinforced: "I always fall there." This is how patterns work. They repeat themselves until we become aware enough to interrupt them.

Positive and Negative Patterns

Not all patterns are negative. Some patterns can improve our quality of life and support our well-being. Regular exercise, maintaining healthy relationships, practicing self-care, or connecting with loved ones are all positive patterns that can increase happiness and emotional stability. However, many patterns can also become limiting or destructive.

Even when these patterns create stress or unhappiness, people often continue repeating them because they are deeply rooted and largely unconscious.

Where Patterns Begin

Many of our patterns begin in childhood. The way we were raised, the experiences we had, and the messages we received from parents, society, and the media all contribute to how we see ourselves and how we behave. From a young age, we begin forming beliefs about our worth, safety, acceptance, and success. These beliefs can follow us into adulthood and influence our decisions without us fully realizing it.

A Personal Pattern Example

I recently became more aware of one of my own recurring patterns with the help of my partner. Sometimes the people closest to us can recognize behaviours that we cannot easily see ourselves. My pattern involves rushing around at the last minute before leaving the house. Looking back, I realize I have done this for years.

Before going somewhere, I often start multiple unnecessary tasks that suddenly feel urgent. I might begin doing dishes, vacuuming, or starting laundry even though I know I do not really have enough time. The result is always the same: I feel stressed, rushed, and overwhelmed.

At first, I thought I simply struggled with time management. However, after reflecting more deeply, I realized there was a belief underneath the behaviour. I had developed a fear of being judged if my house was not perfectly clean. Once I became aware of this belief, I started to better understand why I kept repeating the same stressful pattern.

Awareness Creates Choice

Awareness has allowed me to begin making different choices. Instead of automatically reacting to the anxiety I feel, I can pause and ask myself what is truly important in the moment. I still struggle with this pattern sometimes but recognizing it has helped me approach it with more intention and self-awareness.

Even while writing this, I can relate to the challenge of balancing priorities. My workspace may not be perfectly organized, I may want more time to exercise, and there are always other tasks competing for attention. However, understanding my patterns helps me decide what truly matters instead of reacting automatically out of stress or fear.

Patterns are deeply rooted and changing them takes time. The first step is becoming aware of what is no longer working in your life. Once we identify the behaviours and beliefs that keep repeating, we can begin making conscious choices that support healthier habits and healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

Awareness creates choice. When we understand our patterns, we are no longer stuck repeating them automatically. Instead, we gain the ability to create new patterns that better align with the life we want to live.

About the Author Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCP Registered Social Worker in Airdrie, Alberta Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCP supports people navigating trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and stress management. Her work emphasizes a compassionate, goal-focused process that helps people move forward while making sense of the experiences that shaped them. Her approach may include EMDR, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, and self-awareness practices. In this article, she reflects on how recognizing repeated thoughts, feelings, and actions can help people approach change with more intention and choice. View Bobbie Cochrane’s GoodTherapy Profile >

Remember when we called it the information superhighway? That is what it was, back when the internet first showed up. The deal felt simple: you logged on, looked things up, learned something, and left. Now, the feed can reach past your willpower and into your social media nervous system response before you even realize what happened.

And then something happened.

The superhighway became a supermarket. Everything is for sale now. The cost is not just money. It can be your emotional energy, your time, your relationships, your sanity, your regulation, and your ability to sit in a quiet room for five minutes without reaching for the glowing rectangle in your pocket.

Let us talk about what happened, why it matters, why it is not your fault, and what it can look like to get your ground back.

Two Different Harms, One Nervous System

When we talk about “media,” we usually mash together two very different things your body has to deal with.

There is a clinical name for what can happen when we are exposed to suffering that is not ours over and over: vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress. In a study on media-induced secondary trauma during the COVID-19 pandemic, Lamba et al. (2023) explored how repeated media exposure can affect mental health during collective crises. This used to be something we talked about mostly with therapists, nurses, and first responders. Now, thanks to smartphones, many more people are exposed to other people’s pain again and again.

Both streams, the addictive and the disturbing, move through the same nervous system. That is the part most people miss.

Your Body Does Not Know It Is Just a Phone

Your nervous system was built for real threats. The kind that show up, get handled, and go away. It does not know what TikTok is. It cannot tell the difference between a bear and a shaky video of a bombing. It cannot tell the difference between friends laughing at your joke and bots boosting a stranger’s comment section.

It reacts to what it sees. Every time.

Heart rate up. Chest tight. Breath shallow. Cortisol dumping. That is supposed to happen briefly: burst, resolve, safety. But scrolling breaks that rhythm. Threat, threat, threat. Comparison, comparison, comparison. No resolution. No off switch. No “it is over now.”

Your body may think you are still in the woods with the bear, hours after you put the phone down.

So no, it is not just you. It is not only in your head. A social media nervous system response can show up in the body, and it is measurable in sleep, attention, mood, and tension.

What It Looks Like When It Is Wearing You Down

The harm builds slowly. That is why most people do not connect the dots. They just notice something is off.

See if any of this lands:

If a few of those hit, you are not broken. You are a person responding the way a person is supposed to respond to a world you were never built to absorb at this speed.

Change the Design, Not Just the Behavior

Here is the trap. People try to use willpower against apps built to get past willpower.

Guess who wins that fight.

The move is not to try harder. It is to change the design.

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First

There is a reason flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before helping the person next to you. A person who has run out of air cannot help anyone else breathe.

Research on caregivers points to a similar reality. Compassion fatigue and burnout are serious concerns among health care professionals, and ongoing research continues to examine how overexposure to distress and depleted regulation can affect people who care for others (Capobianco dos Santos et al., 2025).

Stepping back from media is not selfish. It is not giving up either. It is what lets you stay connected to the people and causes you love without becoming a casualty of the feed.

What Comes Back

People who try this often notice the same thing. The first week is weird. Quieter than expected. Sometimes a little lonely. You may pick up your phone out of habit and put it back down. That is not relapse. That is recalibration.

Then something shifts. Sleep gets deeper. Thoughts come back online. Creativity sneaks in. Conversations go longer. The body settles into a kind of safety it had not felt in a long time.

You do not have to throw your phone in the ocean. You just have to stop letting it think for you. Your attention is one of the most valuable things you have. You are allowed to protect it.

References

About the Author Griffin Oakley MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC Griffin Oakley, MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC, is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, CPTSD, attachment, and identity work. His work focuses on helping adults make sense of overwhelming inner experiences with more steadiness, self-understanding, and practical support. He provides telehealth therapy to adults throughout Florida through Curious Mind Counseling, where he supports clients navigating trauma recovery, nervous system stress, and relationship patterns. View Profile >

Perfectionism can look like ambition, discipline, and drive. It can also feel like living under a never-ending report card, where every project, grade, performance review, relationship moment, and even appearance is scored, judged, and never quite enough.

Psychology writers often describe perfectionism as a trait that can be motivating in healthy doses, yet deeply distressing when it becomes rigid and fear-driven. The goal is not to stop having standards. The goal is to build standards that are flexible enough to leave room for learning, connection, and a full life.

Why Perfectionism Feels So Exhausting

Extreme perfectionism tends to focus less on pursuing success and more on avoiding failure. That “do not mess up” orientation can create chronic tension, harsh self-criticism, and the sense that love, belonging, or acceptance must be earned through flawless performance.

Over time, this can make ordinary decisions feel high stakes. A work email becomes a test of competence. A social interaction becomes proof of whether you are likable. A mistake becomes evidence that you are failing as a person. That kind of pressure can keep the nervous system on alert, and the American Psychological Association notes that ongoing stress can affect the body, mood, and behavior.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is often fueled by internal pressure, such as a fear of making mistakes, being judged, disappointing others, or losing approval. Culture matters, too. A large meta-analysis of college students in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom found that multiple forms of perfectionism increased from 1989 to 2016, suggesting that younger generations may be feeling more pressure to be perfect, expecting more of themselves, and sometimes demanding more from others.

You can see this pressure in achievement culture, social comparison, family expectations, trauma histories, school or workplace environments, and messages that equate productivity with worth. For some people, perfectionism and childhood trauma can become connected when being “good,” quiet, successful, or in control once helped them feel safer.

Signs Perfectionism May Be Taking Over

Perfectionists often set unrealistically high expectations for themselves, and sometimes for others. They can be quick to spot flaws, overly critical of mistakes, and prone to procrastination because starting or finishing means risking imperfection.

Perfectionism can also show up as procrastination. When the standard is “excellent or worthless,” the safest option may seem like not starting at all. If this pattern feels familiar, it may help to read about how to stop procrastinating without turning the solution into another impossible standard.

The Three Types of Perfectionism

Researchers often describe perfectionism as multidimensional. It can point inward, outward, or toward what we believe other people expect from us.

Is Perfectionism a Mental Illness?

Perfectionism itself is generally considered a personality trait, not a mental illness. But when it becomes extreme, it can contribute to or worsen mental health challenges, especially when it is driven by compulsive thoughts, harsh self-criticism, fear of mistakes, or chronic anxiety.

A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis linked perfectionism with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder in adults, with perfectionistic concerns showing a particularly strong relationship with psychological distress. The National Institute of Mental Health explains that anxiety symptoms can interfere with school, work, relationships, and daily routines, which is why patterns that keep the body in threat mode deserve care.

Healthy Striving vs. Demanding Perfection

There is a meaningful difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection. Healthy striving can help you learn, practice, persist, and improve. Maladaptive perfectionism turns improvement into a verdict on your worth.

How to Loosen Perfectionism Without Lowering Your Standards

Loosening perfectionism does not mean becoming careless. It means practicing standards that can bend without breaking you.

It can also help to trade comparison for curiosity. When you notice yourself measuring your worth against someone else’s highlight reel, return to what you value and what you are learning. Compassionate self-talk matters, too. Speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a capable friend can make change more sustainable. For a deeper look at that skill, see self-kindness and emotional well-being.

Beliefs That Often Hide Under Perfectionism

Perfectionism often rests on self-defeating beliefs that sound like rules. They may involve achievement, love and belonging, conflict, emotional control, or the fear that being seen as flawed will make you unacceptable.

These beliefs can feel convincing because they may have helped you cope at one time. But they can also keep you trapped in shame, worry, or emotional exhaustion. The work is not to shame yourself for having these beliefs. The work is to notice them, question them, and build more flexible beliefs that support both excellence and humanity.

When Therapy Can Help With Perfectionism

Therapy can be useful when perfectionism is no longer just a preference for excellence, but a source of anxiety, depression, relationship strain, burnout, compulsive checking, or avoidance. A therapist may help you identify the fears behind perfectionism, practice more flexible thinking, work through early experiences that made perfection feel necessary, and build new ways to respond to mistakes.

Research on treatment for perfectionism is still developing, but a randomized trial of group cognitive behavioral therapy for perfectionism found reductions in perfectionism and related symptoms for participants in the treatment group. That does not mean one approach fits everyone, but it does suggest that perfectionism can be addressed directly and compassionately.

About the Author Jill Verofsky Licensed Professional Counselor in Ambler, Pennsylvania Jill Verofsky describes her approach to therapy as realistic and person-centered, with attention to helping people become more functional in daily life while working toward deeper root issues. View Jill Verofsky’s GoodTherapy profile

Starting therapy can feel hard to explain.

Sometimes there is a clear reason. A loss. A breakup. Burnout. A period of anxiety that has become impossible to ignore.

Other times, the feeling is more subtle. Life may look fine from the outside, but something internally feels off. You may feel stuck, disconnected, overwhelmed, or simply no longer at ease in your own life.

For therapist Brooke Pomerantz, that in between space matters. It is often where the most meaningful work begins.

A licensed clinical social worker who has been in private practice since 2007, Brooke works with adults and young adults in Oakland and via telehealth. Many of the people she supports are highly capable, thoughtful, and outwardly successful, yet privately struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, or a deeper sense of dissatisfaction they cannot quite name.

What stands out most in Brooke’s approach is not just what she helps clients work through, but how she meets them there. Her philosophy is grounded in curiosity, patience, and the belief that every person deserves to be understood as an individual, not reduced to a category or rushed into change before they are ready.

Why starting therapy can feel so hard

For people starting therapy for the first time, I acknowledge that the experience can feel vulnerable and anxiety-inducing. That anxiety, she says, is not a sign that something is going wrong. It is often part of the process. A competent therapist can recognize this vulnerability and adjust the pace of treatment at a pace that works best for their client. This is why the initial sessions are a huge opportunity for both the individual and the therapist to assess if they are a good match and whether the individual has an agency in the process.

What to do if you feel anxious about therapy

It’s simple. Name the feeling. Saying “I feel anxious being here” can lead to a much deeper and sincere conversation. It gives both therapist and client somewhere real to begin. Instead of trying to arrive with everything figured out, a person can start from what is true in the moment. It also gives them a chance to notice if they feel safe, understood, and ready to share their experiences in a particular setup with the therapist in question.

Can therapy help even if nothing feels wrong?

Yes. Therapy does not only belong to moments of crisis or chaos. It can also be a place to think more deeply about your life, understand your patterns, strengthen your relationships, and develop a more connected relationship with yourself. Even when someone says they are “fine,” there is often something underneath that is asking to be explored.

That idea makes therapy feel less like an emergency response and more like a meaningful form of self-reflection. It becomes a space to pause, take stock, and ask harder questions about how you are living and what you may need next.

What makes your practice unique, and how do you know if you’re a good fit for a client?

It is about being intentional about not getting ahead of the person in front of you. As therapists, we need to understand each person in the context of their own life, strengths, challenges, and readiness for change. That means honoring where someone is, instead of pushing them toward where they “should” be.

This way of working can be especially supportive for people who are used to pressuring themselves. Like many of my clients who are high functioning and driven. They may look successful on the outside while internally feeling exhausted, unhappy, perfectionistic, or chronically disconnected from their own needs. I also work with young adults who are having trouble launching into adulthood, perhaps having had setbacks like a mental health crisis, and need support navigating the transition.

How to cope when life feels emotionally overwhelming

When life feels overwhelming, it can help to slow everything down and focus on getting through one moment or one hour at a time. Reducing the size of the problem can make it feel more survivable. And when depression or hopelessness makes action feel nearly impossible, even a very small step can matter. A walk. A phone call. Any small movement or action can combat the tendency to retreat and feel paralyzed.

There is something deeply humane about that advice. It does not romanticize healing or pretends that change is easy. It simply offers a gentler entry point.

How to find the right therapist for your needs

Finding a therapist is rarely a one size fits all process. It is highly individual. People may begin by exploring therapist directories, asking for referrals from their community, or looking for someone with a shared background or area of expertise. What matters most is finding someone with whom you feel safe and someone you believe can understand you and help with the areas where you feel stuck.

A simple way to begin is:

This is one reason directories like GoodTherapy can be a helpful place to start. They make it easier to explore therapist profiles, understand different approaches, and find a therapist whose style feels aligned with what you need.

For therapists, it is also a reminder that a thoughtful profile matters. The clearer you are about your approach and who you help, the easier it is for the right clients to find and connect with you.

The right support can change everything

Brooke Pomerantz’s approach reminds us that therapy is not about having everything figured out before you begin. It is about making sense of your feelings and things that are weighing you down and channeling it into an effort to find a space where you can be honest and feel safe. Her reflections offer something deeply reassuring that growth can happen at your own pace, that support can be valuable even before a crisis, and that the right therapeutic relationship can help you move through life with greater clarity and self-awareness.

If Brooke’s words resonated with you, take a moment to explore her GoodTherapy profile and learn more about her approach. If you are still looking for the right fit, browse GoodTherapy’s therapist directory to find a provider whose style, perspective, and approach align with your needs.

FAQs

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When people think of anxiety, they often picture some visible signs. They imagine panic, spiraling thoughts, avoidance, or moments when someone clearly looks overwhelmed. While anxiety can look like that.

That is not the only way it shows up.

Sometimes anxiety is harder to notice, even for the person living with it. It can hide behind routines, ambition, reliability, and the ability to keep going. It can look like answering every email, meeting every deadline, remembering every key event and detail, showing up for people who matter, and still never quite feeling calm. It can look like being the one everyone depends on while your own mind never fully quiets down.

How Anxiety can Fuel Performance

One of the reasons high functioning anxiety can go unnoticed is that it often wears socially acceptable masks and may often look like success. In fact, in may look like being very responsible. It may look like caring deeply. It may look like staying organized, always preparing, or trying hard not to let anyone down. Some people learn to manage anxiety by becoming exceptionally good at anticipating problems, staying busy, and keeping control wherever they can.

In many cases, anxiety does not stop people. It pushes them.

Pushes them to care deeply, to stay highly organized, to always prepare for things and events in advance or or try to not let anyone down.

Research indicates that certain forms of anxiety, especially when tied to performance or expectations, can coexist with high achievement. In academic settings, for example, perfectionistic standards can even have a positive relationship with performance outcomes, despite underlying stress.

At the same time, this productivity is often driven by fear. Fear of failure, fear of letting others down, or fear of not being “good enough.”

This creates a cycle where:

What looks like discipline or ambition from the outside may actually be a coping mechanism on the inside.

Signs of High-functioning Anxiety that are Easy to Miss

High functioning anxiety rarely looks like avoidance or breakdowns. Instead, it shows up in patterns that are often socially rewarded.

For some people, anxiety shows up as perfectionism. For others, it appears as people pleasing, irritability, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, or the sense that their mind is always running in the background. Some people stay busy because slowing down brings them too close to feelings they do not know how to sit with. Others become highly attuned to everyone else around them, constantly tracking moods, reactions, and signs of disappointment.

Some of the most common but overlooked signs include:

Research shows that perfectionistic tendencies and worry are closely linked, with worry often acting as a core feature of anxiety.

In fact, maladaptive perfectionism has been consistently associated with anxiety symptoms across multiple studies and populations.

If these patterns feel familiar, talking to a therapist can help you understand what is driving them.

Why High-Functioning Anxiety often goes Unnoticed

High functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed not because it is rare, but because it usually does not align with what we expect anxiety to look like.

Mental health systems typically define disorders based on distress and impairment. But what happens when someone is distressed, yet still performing well?

People with high functioning anxiety often:

As a result, their internal experience is often overlooked, both by themselves and by others.

This is reinforced by social and cultural expectations. Productivity, reliability, and achievement are rewarded, even when they come at the cost of mental wellbeing.

The Breaking Point: Burnout and Emotional Exhaustion

Despite being hidden, high functioning anxiety can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being and is not sustainable indefinitely.

It can make it hard to be fully present. You may be physically in the room but mentally somewhere else, scanning the next problem, thinking about the next task, or the next thing that could potentially go wrong. You may struggle to enjoy moments of rest because your mind treats stillness like a threat instead of relief.

Over time, this feeling piles up and can feel exhausting.

You may find yourself becoming more irritable, more physically and emotionally drained, or more disconnected from joy. This is one of the quieter harms of anxiety. It can steal peace long before it interrupts performance.

Over time, the constant pressure, overthinking, and need to perform can lead to:

Research shows that perfectionism and anxiety are linked to chronic psychological distress and rumination, which can intensify over time if not addressed. Similarly, studies highlight that individuals with strong perfectionistic tendencies are more vulnerable to long-term stress and mental health challenges. Such people don’t fall apart slowly but rather hold it together, until they can’t.

You do not have to wait until burnout to seek support. Early conversations with a therapist can make a meaningful difference.

When should you seek help?

One of the biggest barriers to seeking support is the belief that your condition is not serious because you are fully functional and able to carry out everyday tasks as expected.

But functioning is not the same as feeling okay.

Your body may be sending subtle signals you tend to overlook, but they could be a sign that you need professional support.

It may be time to seek support if:

Because the external signs of struggle are minimal, high functioning anxiety often delays help seeking, but getting support early can prevent long term burnout and more serious mental health challenges.

Connect with a licensed therapist who specializes in anxiety and stress.

Effective forms of Therapy for High Functioning Anxiety

Many people with high functioning anxiety hesitate to seek help because they feel like they are “managing.” But therapy can help you understand what is driving that constant pressure and give you tools to move through life with more clarity and less strain.

Some of the most effective approaches include:

How to Approach Therapy if you have High Functioning Anxiety

If this type of anxiety resonates with you, it can help to look for therapists who:

• specialize in anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder
• have experience working with perfectionism or high achievers
• focus on stress, burnout, or overthinking
• use structured, evidence-based approaches

Browse therapist profiles and connect with someone who aligns with your needs and approach.

Moving Forward

High functioning anxiety can be easy to miss, especially when it looks like success. But just because you are meeting expectations, staying productive, and showing up for others does not mean you are not struggling.

Anxiety does not always look like falling apart. Sometimes, it looks like holding everything together, at a cost. Recognizing that cost is the first step toward something better.

The exponential improvement and integration of AI into our personal and professional lives has been almost startling. Like the cell phone, the Internet, and ATM cards, AI is here to stay.

The Wall Street Journal (Bindley & Blunt, 2024) reports that companies now assess AI fluency during hiring, and annual reviews increasingly factor in how well employees use AI to increase productivity and cut costs. Some organizations even award bonuses to those who help others work smarter.

When I recently rescheduled a medical appointment with an AI agent, efficient, courteous, and surprisingly “human,” I wasn’t put off at all. That moment clarified something important: the question is no longer whether AI will change your life. It already has.

AI as a Perceived Threat to My Job and Personal Life

Many people understandably perceive AI as a threat to their jobs and way of life. But how a person responds to a perceived threat matters enormously. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) offers a clear lens: you can react in a healthy, self-enhancing way or an unhealthy, self-defeating one.

We are not stopping this wave. The goal is to manage your emotional reaction to the profound changes AI will introduce, so you don’t get left behind.

How to Turn AI Anxiety into Healthy Concern

REBT distinguishes between healthy concern, which motivates us to cope, and unhealthy anxiety, which leads to avoidance and retreat. When the stakes are high, it is easy to slip from concern into anxiety, especially when we hold rigid attitudes toward change.

Four Common AI Anxiety Traps and How REBT Reframes Them

Below are four rigid attitudes that fuel AI anxiety, each paired with a healthy, flexible alternative.

A 3-Step REBT Reset for AI Anxiety

When anxious thoughts about AI arise, use this simple process to shift from rigid fear to flexible action.

Ways to Use AI Effectively

Below are some of the ever-expanding ways you can put AI to work in your professional and personal life, generated with the assistance of ChatGPT to illustrate the practical range of AI applications (OpenAI, 2023).

Productivity and Knowledge Work

Creative and Visual Work

AI is reshaping creative fields in profound ways. Tools like DALL·E, Midjourney, and Stable Diffusion open new possibilities for anyone willing to engage with them.

A Practical Checklist: Using AI Responsibly

About the Author Walter Matweychuk, PhD Licensed Psychologist & REBT Specialist Dr. Walter Matweychuk is a licensed psychologist and one of the foremost practitioners of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the United States. He trained directly under Dr. Albert Ellis, the pioneering psychologist who developed REBT, and worked at the Albert Ellis Institute in New York for many years. He teaches graduate psychology courses at New York University and works at the University of Pennsylvania. In his private practice in New York City, Dr. Matweychuk helps individuals and couples overcome anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges using the evidence-based principles of REBT. View Profile >

References:
Bindley, K., & Blunt, K. (2026, Feb. 24). Tech Firms Aren’t Just Encouraging Their Workers to Use AI. They’re Enforcing It. The Wall Street Journal.

Starting therapy can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re not quite sure what to expect or where to begin. For Anna Aslanian, a licensed therapist at GoodTherapy, helping clients navigate that uncertainty is at the heart of her practice. With extensive training in evidence-based modalities including Gottman Method couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and attachment-focused EMDR, Anna brings both expertise and compassion to her work with adults seeking support for anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, and trauma.

In this Member Spotlight, Anna shares valuable insights on what makes therapy successful, from finding the right therapeutic fit to understanding that you don’t need to have all the answers before you start. Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or looking to deepen your understanding of the process, her perspective offers reassurance that healing is possible when you find a therapist who truly gets you.

Read More:
Take Our Quiz to Start Your Healing Journey

Anna’s approach to therapy reminds us that seeking help doesn’t mean you need to have everything figured out. In fact, uncertainty is often what brings us to therapy in the first place. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges, processing past trauma, or simply feeling like something is off, the right therapeutic relationship can provide the safety and tools you need to move forward.

If you’re ready to take that first step, look for a therapist with expertise in your specific concerns, trust your gut about whether you feel comfortable, and remember that it’s okay to ask questions during a consultation. Therapy is a collaborative process, and finding a therapist who understands your unique needs can make all the difference.

To learn more about Anna Aslanian’s approach and see if she might be the right fit for you, visit her profile on GoodTherapy. If you’re interested in exploring more about the therapy process, check out GoodTherapy’s resources on how to find a therapist, what to expect in your first therapy session, and tips for getting the most out of therapy.

Read More:
Ready to Find Your Therapist?

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Key Insight

Only 9% of Americans keep their New Year’s resolutions, but this isn’t about willpower. When mental health conditions are present, traditional goal-setting strategies simply won’t work without addressing the underlying issues first.

Read More:

Experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder? Start Here

• â–¸

  Perfectionism:

  Setting goals so rigid that any deviation feels like complete failure

• â–¸

  Procrastination:

  Avoiding starting something because you’re terrified you won’t succeed

• â–¸

  All-or-nothing thinking:

  Thinking along the lines of “I ate one cookie, so I might as well eat the whole box”

• â–¸

  Isolation:

  Pulling away from people who could support you

• â–¸

  Negative self-talk:

  Telling yourself phrases like “I always fail, so why bother trying?” or “I deserve for bad things to happen to me”

• â–¸

  Comparison:

  Measuring yourself against others’ highlight reels

Explore More:

Explore Common Mental Health Issues & How Therapy Can Help

Why Diagnosis Matters:

Getting an accurate diagnosis transforms your struggles from personal failings into treatable conditions with proven solutions. Early identification dramatically improves treatment effectiveness and quality of life.

• Identify patterns you’ve been repeating unconsciously
• Understand how your past experiences shape your current struggles
• Develop emotional regulation skills
• Build authentic self-esteem that isn’t contingent on perfection
• Create sustainable strategies tailored to your brain, not someone else’s

Find Your Match:

Find a Therapist Who Gets You at Our BIPOC Page

Start Your Journey Today

Search for qualified therapists in your area at our GoodTherapy directory.

Find a Therapist Near You →

Resources:

• ABC News: Struggling to keep your New Year’s resolutions? Here’s how to keep yourself on track
• National Institute of Mental Health: Major Depression
• CDC: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Perfectionism and childhood trauma are often more connected than they appear. If you are a perfectionist, you are probably the person everyone counts on. You are the one who stays late, remembers the details, and makes sure things are done right. On the outside, you look like you have it all together.

On the inside, you are probably exhausted.

You’re tired of the constant mental checklist, the quiet fear of “what if I miss something,” and the nagging feeling that you are never quite doing enough. It’s a heavy weight to carry.