For a lot of people, therapy can be a fantastic way to manage stress, process emotions, or work through specific challenges. But finding the right therapist is essential to getting the most out of your sessions.  

 Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the relationship with your therapist doesn’t feel right, and this can become a hurdle in your progress. In this article, we’ll discuss when it’s time to move on from your current therapist, how to determine what’s missing, and what steps to take when making the transition. 

 Signs it May Be Time to Change Therapists 

How do you know whether it’s time to change therapists? Here are some of the key signs to watch out for: 

Your therapist doesn’t understand you

One of the most fundamental reasons for seeking therapy is to have someone who can understand and empathize with you. But if your therapist isn’t truly listening to you or doesn’t understand your struggles, then therapy will not be effective.  

You aren’t feeling any better

The ultimate goal of therapy is to help you feel better and improve your mental health. If you’ve been seeing your current therapist for several months and you’re not seeing any improvements, it may be time to move on. 

You are upset with your therapist

Your therapist is meant to be a professional and empathetic listener. However, if they say something that upsets you or if you find yourself frequently frustrated or angry with them, it may be time to consider a different therapist.  

Your therapist is inappropriate with you

If you ever feel that your therapist is inappropriate with you, such as making sexual advances, crossing physical boundaries, or engaging in unethical behavior, you should that you stop seeing them immediately. 

You can no longer afford therapy

If you’re in a financial bind or if you can no longer afford therapy, it may be time to look for alternative options, such as sliding scale pricing or seeking out free resources such as support groups or online therapy. 

What’s Missing with Your Current Therapist? 

If you are feeling like your therapist is not the best fit for you, it’s important to determine what’s making you feel this way. Take some time to reflect on what is missing in your current therapy sessions and what you want in a therapist.  

Here are some things to consider and questions you can ask yourself to see it’s time to find a new therapist: 

Do I feel understood during my sessions?

If you feel like your therapist deeply understands your experiences and emotions, then you’re on the right track. However, if you regularly feel misunderstood or unheard, it may be time to seek a new therapist

Does my therapist respect my beliefs or cultural background?

Our backgrounds and beliefs often shape our worldview, and it’s important that your therapist respects yours. If you feel like your therapist lacks sensitivity or understanding in these areas, consider looking for a more suitable therapist

Do I want someone warm and compassionate or more direct?

Different therapists operate by different modalities and styles of communication. Some people prefer a therapist who is empathetic, while others prefer someone who challenges them. If your current therapist’s style isn’t what you want, then it may be time to look for a new one

How to Tell Your Therapist That You Are Changing Therapists 

Once you have decided that it’s time to change therapists, it’s crucial to communicate this to your current therapist. Although it can be challenging, talking to your therapist can help you to gain closure and move forward. Here are a few essential steps to take when breaking the news: 

1. Schedule a session specifically for discussing this topic

Let your therapist know ahead of time that you want to discuss a matter that is unrelated to therapy in general, so they aren’t caught off guard.

2. Be honest and clear

When letting your therapist know that you are searching for a new therapist, be honest and straightforward. Explain the reason for your decision in a compassionate and respectful manner.

3. Ask for your records  

Request your records from your therapist to give to your new therapist to ensure seamless care continuity

4. Reflect 

During your last session with your therapist, take the time to reflect on what you’ve learned, how far you’ve come, and what you’ll be looking for in your new therapist. 

5. Find the Right Therapist with GoodTherapy 

Deciding to leave a therapist is a big step, but it can lead to finding a therapist with whom you connect more easily. You shouldn’t feel guilty about changing therapists and finding one who best suits your needs, style, or personality.  

Remember, finding the right therapist can improve the overall impact of therapy on your well-being. At GoodTherapy, we strive to reduce stigma through education on therapy benefits while connecting those in need directly with qualified therapists near them. more about how we can help today! 

 

In the past month alone, I have had two new clients report egregious ethical violations from their previous therapists. In one case, a male therapist made repeated narcissistic advances toward a woman who came to him to unravel the trauma of her ongoing divorce proceedings. This therapist repeatedly told the client details of his personal life which had no bearing on her therapy, and which frankly shocked me both in their content and in the manner in which he presented the information. The client ultimately stopped the counseling relationship, which the therapist was reluctant to sever.

In the other, a female therapist repeatedly fended off efforts to discuss the client’s presenting trauma, sent the client a social media friend request, and invited her on a weekend getaway with no therapeutic agenda. This therapist then abruptly abandoned the client with no stated reason and no offer to refer to another counselor.

In both cases, the clients felt responsible for the well-being of their therapists. They both experienced the breach of the relationship as abandonment. Remember that these individuals sought counseling support for their own trauma and pain and were vulnerable and trusting of the professionals they chose as their therapists. Rather than being seen as individuals in distress by these therapists, they were grossly mistreated and re-traumatized.

My work with these individuals involves not only support in easing the original distress, but also creation of a strong therapeutic bond when both clients are ambivalent and defensive about exposing themselves vulnerably to another counselor.

This infuriates me, as it no doubt infuriates you. What can be done if you experience something that feels off in your relationship with your counselor?

First, trust your instincts. Trust the way you feel both during the session and particularly afterward, when you’ve had time to recognize and identify your emotional response to a conversation. Sometimes, during a session it is possible to feel flooded and overwhelmed, so your reactions may not be clear to you until later. This may be a subtle discomfort that you can’t seem to put your finger on, or a more specific discomfort about a particular comment or behavior from your therapist. You may feel misunderstood. You may feel “dirty” or shamed. You may feel confused after having asked questions that did not get answered to your satisfaction.

If you feel your therapist is behaving unethically, the first thing to consider is bringing it up in session. Express your concern. Ask for clarification of something that doesn’t make sense to you or doesn’t feel right. If you don’t feel confident in the response you get, please terminate the relationship.

Also, remember that you chose your therapist carefully. You therefore expected professional expertise and ethical behavior, so you may be holding a cognitive bias in favor of the therapist. This can lead you to doubt yourself and the validity of your reactions, instead of questioning the therapist’s behavior or treatment.

Skilled therapists can help you move forward in your life, which is the reason you seek counseling support in the first place. Most therapists are sensitive, competent professionals who hold your best interests and work conscientiously on your behalf. But every now and then, for whatever personal reasons, therapists depart from the norm into ethical violations that harm their clients.

If you feel your therapist is behaving unethically, the first thing to consider is bringing it up in session. Express your concern. Ask for clarification of something that doesn’t make sense to you or doesn’t feel right. If you don’t feel confident in the response you get, please terminate the relationship.

All licensed therapists are governed by the laws of the state that grants them the license to practice. You can file an ethics violation complaint with the licensing board. Sometimes, doing so may feel like adding more pain to your experience, which you may prefer to put behind you and move on. I understand this reluctance. But consider making an inquiry at the state board and at the therapist’s professional association (you can identify this by the letters after the therapist’s name—LMHC or LMFT, for example) to learn about the specific steps involved in submitting a complaint. Then you can decide whether to proceed. It is entirely up to you. Bear in mind, though, that if a therapist has behaved unethically with you, it is possible this is happening with others as well. Yours may not be the first complaint of an ethics violation.

One last word: Please do not let a bad counseling experience deter you from finding a skilled therapist. Search directories (such as GoodTherapy) for your specific geographical region and your specific concerns. Select a few therapists for contact, then request a brief telephone chat. Once you select a new therapist, please share your experience in session so you can get the relief you need from the burden of your previous counseling encounter, which you may still be carrying.

Author’s note: To protect the privacy of all concerned, I changed the client and therapist details while remaining true to the nature of the ethical breaches described.