Starting therapy can be one of the most empowering decisions you make, but the path to better mental health begins with a potentially tough question: “How do I even find the right therapist?”

The process is a little like dating, but with slightly higher stakes. You’re looking for someone you can trust with your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings — someone whose training, personality, and approach align with your needs. The right therapist will be beside you through years of learning and development, and finding the perfect fit lays the foundation for plenty of meaningful progress and growth. 

This step-by-step guide walks you through everything you need to know to find a therapist who’s not only qualified, but a true fit for you.

Step 1: Understand What You Need Help With

Before you start searching, take a moment to identify what you want support with. Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, or relationship issues? Are you looking for a safe space to process life changes or rediscover your sense of purpose? Knowing what type of therapy you’re seeking will help narrow your search to therapists who specialize in what you’re experiencing.

Also, consider your preferences. Would you feel more comfortable with a therapist of a certain gender, race, or cultural background, such as a BIPOC therapist? Do you want someone who shares or understands a particular identity or lived experience? These considerations are valid and can help you feel more seen and supported.

Step 2: Explore Therapy Modalities

Therapists use different modalities — or methods of treatment — based on your goals and their training. Some of the most common include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): A structured, goal-oriented therapy that focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviors. Often used for anxiety, depression, and stress management.
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): A type of CBT that helps people manage intense emotions and improve relationships. Commonly used for borderline personality disorder, self-harm, and chronic emotional dysregulation.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores unconscious patterns rooted in early life experiences to gain insight and resolve internal conflicts.
• Psychiatry: A field dedicated to the diagnosis, study, and treatment of mental health conditions.
• Family Therapy: Focuses on family dynamics.
• Couples or Marriage Counseling: Works to improve communication and strengthen relationships.
• Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how the body holds stress and trauma, helping clients reconnect with bodily sensations and release stored tension. Useful for trauma, anxiety, and chronic stress.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): A trauma-focused therapy that uses bilateral stimulation (such as guided eye movements) to help reprocess distressing memories, which can be especially helpful for PTSD.

You don’t have to be an expert on therapy styles, but a basic understanding of different therapy modalities can help you ask the right questions and choose a therapist who uses methods that resonate with you. If you’re unsure where to begin, GoodTherapy’s search tool allows you to filter by modality so you can learn more about each therapist’s approach and find the one that resonates with you.

Step 3: Start Your Search

Once you have a sense of what you’re looking for, it’s time to start your search. You can:

• Ask for referrals from your doctor or trusted friends
• Use an online therapist directory (like GoodTherapy) to filter by specialty, location, insurance, and more
• Contact your insurance provider for a list of in-network therapists

Online directories often let you read bios, learn about each therapist’s approach, and even view pictures to help you get a feel for the person behind the profile.

Step 4: Ask Questions Before Committing

Once you’ve narrowed down a few options, reach out to set up a consultation or ask questions via email. Some helpful questions to ask include:

• What’s your experience with the issues I’m facing?
• What kind of therapy do you practice, and what does that look like in sessions?
• How do you handle progress tracking and goal-setting?
• What are your fees and policies for cancellations, late arrivals, etc.?
• Do you take my insurance or offer sliding scale pricing?

Remember, you’re allowed (and encouraged) to be selective! A good therapist will understand that finding the right fit matters and will support your search, even if it doesn’t lead to working with them.

Step 5: Try Out the First Few Sessions

The first few sessions with a therapist are like a trial period. It’s normal to feel a little nervous or unsure, but over time, you should begin to feel safe, heard, and respected.

A few green flags to look for:

• The therapist listens without judgment
• You feel emotionally safe and supported
• They respect your boundaries
• They’re transparent about fees, credentials, and approach

Red flags for therapists include:

• They talk about themselves more than they listen
• They ignore your boundaries or make you feel judged
• They guarantee specific outcomes or results
• They’re vague about credentials or billing practices
• They unexpectedly cut sessions short or constantly reschedule
• They become too emotionally involved 

If something feels off, trust your instincts. It’s also important to remember: you don’t have to get it right on the first try. It’s perfectly okay if the first therapist you meet isn’t the right fit. This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you — it just means your journey might take a few steps. Give yourself permission to explore until you find someone who feels like the appropriate partner for your growth.

Read More: The Role of Ethics in Therapy

How GoodTherapy Can Help

At GoodTherapy, we make the process of finding a qualified, ethical therapist easier. Every therapist in our network is vetted for licensure, education, and commitment to ethical standards. You can search by specialty, insurance, location, and more, so you can feel confident that your therapist has the right qualifications and is someone you can truly connect with.

Healing starts with the right support. Let GoodTherapy help you find a therapist who meets your needs and honors your journey.

When you begin your mental health journey, you will be astounded to see similar hurdles with friends and loved ones. Finding the right way to communicate the need to “get help” can be challenging due to the lingering stigma surrounding therapy. This should serve as a guide or inspiration if you find yourself in this situation with someone close or an acquaintance.

Here are tips to navigate the “Go get therapy!” conversation:

1. Ask Permission:

Begin the conversation with “May I ask about your mental health?” or “May I please speak to you about a personal topic?” While this phrase may seem awkward or silly, when you ask permission to address this topic it will instantly bring the attention to your conversation and set the tone for kindness. Asking permission allows the other party to have agency, and this invites them rather than forces them to hear your concerns.

2. Be Vulnerable:

If you have had mental health support in the past, or if you wish you would have had the help of a therapist, speaking from your own experience can “normalize” the topic. When we relate a personal situation and show our vulnerability we invite the other person to be equally vulnerable.

3. Share Practical Resources:

When you express your concern for the mental health of someone else, you may find that having a practical resource is a great tool. You may suggest that the individual contact their Primary Care Doctor, or their insurance company. If your friend or loved one would benefit from a consultation with Bridge to Wellness Counseling, please email Support@BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com. Our practice policy is to always provide referrals to other resources if there is a waiting list. This ensures that your friend won’t be turned away without guidance.

4. Address the Stigma:

We still live in a society where talking about mental health, mental illness, or even going to therapy has some lingering negative connotation. By expressing that this topic can be uncomfortable, that it is hard to face, and that there may be some judgment in this area is realistic. Every time we address this stigma we are making the effect less difficult on ourselves and our community. This is a very small way to make a difference on an individual level.

5. Escalate the Issue:

Mental illness can be serious and there may be times when this conversation takes a challenging turn. Never hesitate to call 911 or 988 for a mental health emergency.

6. Bonus Tip:

If you are unsure if your friend or loved one is in a mental health crisis, always err on the side of caution. You may save a life.

To make a referral to Bridge to Wellness Counseling, you may email Support@BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com. You can reach us by call or text at 415-870-6494. We offer a free consultation for all prospective clients, and this can be booked directly on the website at www.BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com.

What Is Involved in an Initial Mental Health Consultation?

If you’re looking for a therapist, you may have noticed phrases like “initial consultation” or “initial mental health consultation.” Are you about to attend your first mental health consultation, or curious about what an initial consultation entails? We figured. Read on to learn all about it. 

Your first conversation with a new mental health provider is exciting. You are taking significant steps to manage your mental health and conquer your goals. A mental health consultation is a perfect time to assess whether or not someone is a right-fit therapist for you. Consider this initial consultation an opportunity to “try them out” – see if you “click” with them, share your goals, and pay attention to how they talk about what you share.

Is this someone you want as an ally on your personal journey? Do they share insights that resonate with your values? Does their approach to therapy work with what you want to get out of the experience? The initial consultation will help you think through these questions. 

What to Expect from an Initial Consultation

Your first conversation with a new mental health provider is exciting. You are taking significant steps to manage your mental health and conquer your goals. A mental health consultation is a perfect time to assess whether or not someone is a right-fit therapist for you. Consider this initial consultation an opportunity to “try them out” – see if you “click” with them, share your goals, and pay attention to how they talk about what you share.

Initial consultations often take place over the phone or video chat and typically run anywhere from 10-30 minutes, depending on the provider. During this time, you’ll get to know the therapist and their practice. They’ll most likely have some questions for you about what you’re looking for, what your concerns are, and what your schedule looks like. They’re trying to assess whether or not they are well-suited to helping you with your concerns. But this is also an opportunity for you to find out what you want to know.

Is this someone you want as an ally on your personal journey? Do they share insights that resonate with your values? Does their approach to therapy work with what you want to get out of the experience? The initial consultation will help you think through these questions. Choosing the right therapist is an important aspect of getting what you need, and it’s worth the effort to prepare a bit before your initial consultation. 

How to Prepare for an Initial Mental Health Consultation

Write Down Your Concerns

The first thing you can do to prepare for your mental health consultation is to write down your concerns. Your list might include symptoms you’re experiencing, difficulties you’re facing, or issues you’d like to explore. Having this list in front of you during an initial consultation will help you ensure you mention everything that you want to bring up with the therapist. Trying to come up with or recall all that information on the spot can be difficult. 

Prepare to Ask Questions

Asking questions is a great tool to help you decide if a therapist is a good fit during your initial mental health consultation. While the therapist will certainly have questions to ask you, too, having some prepared to ask them will help you learn the information that is important to you. 

7 Questions to Ask Your Therapist

#1 What is your specialty?

Most therapists have multiple specialties (or types of therapy and client concerns they specialize in). This does not necessarily mean their specialties cover your specific needs. For example, if someone battling addiction is seeking the help of a mental health professional, the provider needs to have experience in that area in order to be effective.

#2 How long have you been practicing? Tell me about your experience. 

Listening to a therapist talk about their experience will help you understand what they’ve seen and what they can help with. It’s important to note that many therapists have a variety of experiences that are relevant to their practice, both professionally and personally. 

#3 How much will I pay? 

While more and more therapists are accepting insurance, many don’t – and almost all will accept private-pay clients. One perk of private-pay options is that your therapist doesn’t have to submit a mental health diagnosis to an insurance company. Make sure to ask them about their fees, sliding-scale opportunities, and any pre-paid, discounted, multi-session packages they may offer so you can make the arrangements you need to cover the cost of therapy. 

#4 How often will we meet?

The therapist might have an idea in mind for the frequency of your therapy sessions. This may differ depending on your needs, and will likely be subject to change based on your progress. 

#5 What will my treatment plan look like?

Is there a concrete treatment plan that they want you to follow? This is important for helping you stay engaged and setting expectations for your work together. If you’re interested in a specific type of therapy this provider offers, like EMDR or Brainspotting, now is a great time to bring it up. 

#6 Do you assign homework? 

Many therapists will give their clients “homework,” or things to work on in-between visits. Therapy homework may include techniques to try, exercises to practice, and coping strategies to use.

#7 I want to work with you. What happens next? 

If you’ve made up your mind and decided to go with this therapist after your initial mental health consultation, you should ask what the next steps are going to include. These next steps may include “homework,” coordinating with your insurance, scheduling your first therapy session, and more.

The Value of an Initial Consultation

If you decide to work with a therapist after an initial consultation, that’s great, but even if you decide they’re not the best fit for you, your time was not spent in vain. It’s very helpful to find this out before you settle on a therapist, and if you have concerns that are outside this particular therapist’s scope of practice, they may have recommendations for you of therapists who do work with folks that have your sort of concerns. 

Many therapists offer this initial mental health consultation for free. To find someone in your area who offers this, click here to search by zip code or city and then filter your results by Pricing>Free Initial Consultation. 

From my many years as a couples therapist, I have learned one of the most difficult phases of the work is when a couple has committed to repairing your marriage, but before the repair has begun.

It’s an important time: you and your partner have decided to go to couples therapy, so you’ve researched local counselors and booked an appointment. But your first session hasn’t happened yet and you’re still feeling distressed, disconnected, or dissatisfied.

Some models of relationship counseling have specific tasks for this stage, such as the online relationship assessment for the Prepare/Enrich program. Therapists may also have their own preferred assessment measures, such as the classic Dyadic Adjustment Scale or the newer Gottman Relationship Checkup.

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But these assessments are meant to inform your therapist about where to start treatment, about the issues and dynamics contributing to conflict or distress. They don’t help you and your partner get through the days or weeks until your first appointment with any more peace or patience.

So what should you be doing? Thinking about? Paying attention to? Here are three things I ask of couples seeing me for the first time, before therapy begins:

1. Prevent Further Damage

To prevent further damage, do your best to stop unhealthy patterns of interaction that are causing distress in the relationship. There has been enough conflict already. In other words, it’s important to bring your best self to every exchange so you don’t heap problems on top of problems. You’ve committed to therapy to make positive changes, and they can start right now.

For example, if you’re used to yelling at each other, preventing further damage means keeping your volume low and your tone pleasant. If you’ve been sleeping in separate rooms, preventing further damage means respecting the boundaries each of you have set to avoid distress.

If you find yourself back in a familiar dance of hurt feelings, miscommunication, or bad habits, remember to prevent further damage. Notice what is happening, halt the unhealthy spiral, and choose a different response.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

To prioritize self-care is to choose behaviors that nourish your body and spirit. The road to relationship health through therapy may be long and difficult, so it’s important to prepare yourself mentally and physically. Prioritizing self-care means taking good care of yourself.

If you find yourself back in a familiar dance of hurt feelings, miscommunication, or bad habits, remember to prevent further damage.

Here are seven ways to be intentional about self-care:

1. Eat fresh, healthy foods.
2. Drink plenty of water.
3. Rest when you are tired.
4. Prioritize sufficient, uninterrupted sleep.
5. Exercise and stretch your body.
6. Seek joy through the arts (music, comedy, theater/movies, art).
7. Soak up love from supportive relationships (children, friends, family).

You may realize it’s been a while since you were intentional about caring for yourself. Don’t worry—self-care can start right now.

3. Practice Introspection

No matter which theory of couples therapy your therapist is trained in—Emotionally Focused Therapy, Imago, and the Gottman Method may be the most well-known for their evidence-based practice—one of the primary ways your therapist will intervene in your distress is to help you and your partner think and feel differently about what is happening. These skills of perspective taking don’t come naturally to all of us, but there are ways to practice before therapy begins.

One way to practice introspection is to think about your experience from a new perspective. I’ve written previously about the power of therapy to shift your point of view, and the metaphor can help before therapy even begins. Ask yourself: What are the ways I understand or explain what is happening in my relationship? Are there alternative ways to understand it, even if I don’t agree with them? How does my partner explain what is happening? Are we looking at things from the balcony or the dance floor? What might I see if I look from the other perspective?

Another way to practice introspection is to become familiar with the idea of mindfulness. Yoga, guided imagery, apps like Headspace or Calm, or spending intentional time in nature are readily available ways to bring mindfulness into your life.

Ready to begin couples therapy? Contact a licensed counselor in your area.