GoodTherapy | The Scoop on Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

by Mary Romm, Licensed Professional Counselor in Gloucester, VA

The Scoop on Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

Are these some of the thoughts inside your head?

“My child is out of control.”

“I don’t enjoy spending time with my kid anymore.”

“My kid hits/bites/kicks me.” 

“Another daycare kicked my child out today.”

Are you ready for help? 

Who PCIT Can Help

As a therapist, I’ve utilized Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) to help children ages 2-7 who have extreme behavioral challenges and seen them learn to listen and behave. I’ve used PCIT in my work with kids who had to wear a monitoring bracelet because they ran away so much, broke mirrors in a rage, and used the shards to carve up furniture, or parents were ready to commit them. Those same kids then listened to their parents, no longer engaged in extreme attention-seeking behaviors, and were able to calm down when they were upset and even talk about their feelings. I’ve seen it work with less intense cases, too, but those aren’t as fun to write about. PCIT works. 

PCIT can treat most concerns related to children’s behavior. This includes ADHD, anxiety disorder, autism spectrum disorder, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), selective mutism, trauma-exposed children, and more.

So What Is PCIT?

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy is an evidence-based approach that has 50 years of research behind it. Research shows it keeps children out of therapy for up to seven years, when they hit adolescence and their brain begins to rewire. Lots of the skills you will learn in PCIT will always be relevant — many of them are as good with 6-year-old kids as they are with teens or even adults. PCIT is not a therapy where another adult takes your child and works with them for an hour before bringing them back to you, and you don’t know what they did in that hour. As a therapist, I love working with this age range because I know early intervention is key. (Also, angry 5-year-olds throwing chairs aren’t nearly as scary as angry 14- or 15-year-olds.)

How Does PCIT Work?

There are two phases to PCIT. The first phase is called Child-Directed Interaction, or CDI. I like to picture CDI as laying the stable foundation of a house. CDI teaches you the skills that play therapists use. It helps you begin to enjoy playing with your child again and learn how to manage their behavior with positive attention alone. In this first phase, you’ll already see a huge reduction in behavior issues due to the child receiving quality, purposeful time with the adult and the adult learning many new tactics to manage that child’s behavior without yelling or accidentally reinforcing the behavior. This is foundational work.

The second phase is called Parent-Directed Interaction, or PDI. PDI is where you get specific discipline skills to help you control your child’s behavior. Now that the relationship foundation is completely stable and your skills are memorized, we can move into learning how to consistently and effectively discipline your child.

Throughout PCIT, you’ll track the reduction in your child’s problematic behavior on a form called an Eyberg Child Behavior Inventory, or ECBI. As a parent, you get to rate your child’s behaviors and see how those behaviors change as treatment goes on.

Is PCIT Forever?

Great news! You will graduate from PCIT in as little as 3-6 months if you do the homework and work hard in sessions. PCIT is not a vague therapy where things end when it feels right; there are specific guidelines and instructions on how to graduate from therapy, all of which are parent-driven. 

How Does PCIT Compare to Other Therapies?

Ideally, because PCIT builds that strong foundation in the Child-Directed Interaction phase, it should be done before any other therapy, even before trauma therapy. Trauma therapy does include several PCIT elements; thus, it is done after PCIT. PCIT should especially be done before talk therapy, as PCIT has the research base behind it. Once kids feel safe and secure in their relationship with their parents, and once parents know how to consistently handle their child’s behaviors, then other therapies can be attempted. However, they usually are not needed at that point. 

Is PCIT Covered by Insurance?

Yes, as long as your insurance has mental health care coverage and your therapist accepts insurance or is able to be an out-of-network provider, PCIT should be covered.

 To learn more about PCIT, please visit this PCIT info page and PCIT International’s page for parents.

 If you live in Virginia and want to start online PCIT for your child, please visit check out Mary’s practice, Willow Tree Healing Center.  You can find more therapists who use PCIT by searching for therapists in your area and filtering your results by Type of Therapy > Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. 

A girl looking sadly at her breakfast of a bagel and poached eggSome level of picky eating is generally par for the parenting course. Children of any age might show some selectiveness about the food they eat, but parents often have the most struggles with toddlers and preschool-age children.

Most developmental picky eating will resolve itself by the time your child begins school—we have some tips below to help you manage until then.

In some cases, though, picky eating can be a symptom of something beyond an age-appropriate desire for independence. So, if your child won’t eat anything besides Cheerios or white bread and you don’t know what to do, keep reading. We’ll go over what typical picky eating looks like and offer some guidance on getting help for more serious concerns.

In some cases, picky eating can be a symptom of something beyond an age-appropriate desire for independence.

Why Are Some Kids Picky Eaters?

There are numerous reasons for picky eating, according to a large research review published in 2015. Some possible factors include:

It’s also worth noting that many children simply have a limited range of preferred tastes in early life. Developing a taste for new food is often a lengthy process, so your child may need to try a food multiple times, not just once or twice, before they’re willing to eat it on a more regular basis.

Children begin developing preferences for specific foods as they approach the preschool years. Of course, this is also when they begin to find their sense of independence. Preschoolers don’t have many opportunities to demonstrate this newfound independence, so they often choose the table as their stage. This can lead to any number of battles over food—whether the issue actually involves the food or not.

They also often lack the words to express how they really feel about certain foods. They may not want to eat something for a more specific reason than simply not liking it, but they don’t know how to tell you exactly what they think. Maybe the texture feels uncomfortable in their mouth, or they have an aversion to the smell of the food or the spice you used.

Allergies can also lead to picky eating behavior. Children with a mild allergy to a specific food may not have a serious or life-threatening reaction, but they may associate the food with any minor symptoms they experience and avoid it entirely.

Anxiety and other distress can also contribute to pickiness. Think about what you want to eat after a bad day. Everyone has preferred comfort foods: soup, macaroni and cheese, ice cream, popcorn, etc. Children experience stress and unhappiness, too, even if they don’t know how to talk about it. Confronting a new spiky green vegetable may be the last thing they want to do after a long day that left them tired, cranky, or otherwise out of sorts.

Mealtime Tips for Parents

The battle to get your child to eat may frustrate you, but you can avoid distress (for yourself and your child) by not looking at mealtime as something you need to “win.”

Keeping calm helps. If you’re frustrated or irritated with your child for wasting food or being stubborn, they’ll likely pick up on that. Sometimes, this can provide more incentive for them to push to win the argument. In the end, it boils down to control.

You might feel stressed about your child’s health or believe you’ve “failed” as a parent if you can’t get your child to eat nutritious foods. But try not to let that get to you. If they meet developmental milestones, enjoy general good health, and have energy to play, they’re probably just fine. If you do have specific concerns, your pediatrician can offer more guidance.

Try these tips to help make mealtimes easier:

Don’t force or bribe your child to eat.

This generally only creates more problems later. Offer nutritious foods in small amounts and let your child decide how much to eat.

Promising dessert after so many bites of vegetables may seem like a great way to get your child to eat those vegetables. However, this teaches children that dessert is better than everything else, an idea that can potentially contribute unhealthy eating habits later in life.

When you offer dessert, don’t make it conditional on finishing their dinner, either—this may lead children to eat more than they really need.

Don’t serve separate meals.

If your child refuses lunch, don’t offer to make them something you know they like. This just reinforces their behavior. Similarly, eat the foods you want your child to eat—at least in front of them. If you offer them a lunch of broccoli, apple slices, brown rice, and scrambled eggs while you have pizza, you may not be sending the best message.

Involve your child in food preparation.

Let your child choose vegetables and fruits at the store, then get them involved in the cooking process. You might not always succeed with this approach, but children may have more interest in trying new things when they helped create them.

Try not to get frustrated when they don’t want to take a single bite, even after helping you in the kitchen. They may be testing you, but they also might just need time. Keep calm and continue offering the new food.

Avoidant-Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

Children who don’t seem to grow out of picky eating, or who eat fewer foods as they grow older, may actually have an eating disorder: avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, or ARFID.

Experts aren’t fully certain what causes ARFID, but it often appears related to trauma. These children may have choked previously, had trouble eating as a baby, or experienced birth trauma or trauma in utero. They might refuse to eat new foods because they believe the food may lead to choking or other harm.

ARFID can also relate to sensory distress around the textures of specific foods. People with autism (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity (ADHD), or any sensory issues may have a higher risk for ARFID.

Most children will eventually eat the food you offer them when they get hungry. But children with ARFID generally won’t eat foods besides their select “safe” food items. Mealtimes generally become very difficult for them, as they tend to experience anxiety and distress as a result of their inability to eat.

It’s generally best to seek a professional opinion if your child:

ARFID can have serious health consequences, since a child with a severely restricted diet likely isn’t getting the correct nutrients.

Treatment for ARFID

There’s help for picky eaters—even severely picky eaters.

A good first step is to talk to a therapist who specializes in working with children. Depending on your location, you may even be able to find a therapist who treats eating disorders in children.

Just be aware that other mental health concerns beyond ARFID, including obsessive-compulsive tendencies and other anxiety issues, can also contribute to picky eating. Your child’s therapist will start by determining what’s actually going on, since the most effective treatment generally depends on what’s causing their picky eating.

Your child’s treatment plan might include:

If something doesn’t seem typical about your child’s refusal to eat, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor. There may be nothing serious going on, but you aren’t overreacting–even if their eating behaviors fall within the range of usual picky eating, it’s generally better to know for sure.

Begin your search for a compassionate, trained counselor at GoodTherapy today.

References:

  1. Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). (n.d.). National Eating Disorders Association. Retrieved from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid
  2. Children’s nutrition: 10 tips for picky eaters. (2017, July 28). Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/childrens-health/art-20044948
  3. Ehmke, R. (n.d.). More than picky eating. The Child Mind Institute. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/more-than-picky-eating
  4. Elliot, S. (n.d.). What exactly is ARFID? National Eating Disorders Association. Retrieved from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/what-exactly-arfid
  5. Knopf, A. (n.d.). When picky eating is a sign of psychological distress. Bradley Hospital. Retrieved from https://www.bradleyhospital.org/when-picky-eating-sign-psychological-distress
  6. Taylor, C. M., Wernimont, S. M., Northstone, K., & Emmett, P. M. (2015, December 1). Picky/fussy eating in children: Review of definitions, assessment, prevalence and dietary intakes. Appetite, 95, 349-359. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0195666315003438?via%3Dihub
  7. Tips for picky eaters. (n.d.). United States Department of Agriculture. Retrieved from https://www.choosemyplate.gov/browse-by-audience/view-all-audiences/children/health-and-nutrition-information/preschoolers-picky-eating

Girl playing in superhero costumeIn my practice, I meet with a lot of adolescents and teens. Often, parents bring their kids to meet with me when they discover that their child is stuck in an emotional state such as anxiety, depression, or fear. Many of these parents believe their child’s current state of unhappiness began recently. However, many of the kids I see have been unhappy much longer than their parents realize. They’ve been putting on a facade to hide their realities because they want their parents to believe they are happy.

Emotional issues such as anxiety and depression in U.S. school-aged children are common. In fact, according to a recent study, 1 in 6 children are affected by a mental health issue. Along with childhood trauma, brain chemistry, and inherited traits, kids can begin to feel worthlessness from factors such as bullying, school performance, social status, sexual orientation, or family life. These uninherited factors are often kept from parents as the child puts on a facade to pretend that everything is alright.

Why Facades Can Be Dangerous

A facade is a form of personality change that one acts out to fulfill a particular emotion they wish to portray. There are many reasons a child may put up a facade. If their unhappiness is due to bullying or other school issues, a child may put up a facade at home because they may feel ashamed or embarrassed. It is not uncommon for a child to put up a facade for months or years before their parent recognizes there is an issue.

It is not uncommon for a child to put up a facade for months or years before their parent recognizes there is an issue.

Kids may put up a facade at school because they don’t want their peers to know they’re not okay. Putting up a facade can make others think they’re okay, when in reality, they are not. Facades can prevent friends and others from intervening and providing help because they’re unaware that there is an issue.

In extreme cases, facades can make it easy to miss when a child or teen may be contemplating suicide; thus, help does not get provided.

How Parents Can Recognize Facades

Facades are not often easy to recognize, especially if the child has been putting one up for a long time. Since kids and teens often don’t tell their parents they’re experiencing bullying, parents should be aware of a pattern of signs that may indicate bullying or other issues, including:

Parents can help encourage a child to not put up a facade by having regular check-ins and quality one-on-one time whenever possible. Parents looking to connect with their kids, address bullying, and resolve other issues may also refer to a framework called The Three E’s (Empathy, Empowerment, and Engagement).

What Parents Can Do When They Discover Their Child Is Struggling

One of the best things a parent can do when a child is struggling is to listen and let your child know you’re listening. After giving your child time to speak their thoughts, you can make sure you understood correctly by summarizing back what you heard.

Sometimes, a mental health professional may be needed if nothing seems to help your child overcome constant feelings of despair or anxiety. It’s also important to seek immediate professional help if your child talks about hurting themselves or someone else. Therapy can help kids and teens cope and learn new skills to address painful feelings like sadness, anger, stress, worry, and low self-esteem. Find a therapist today.

Child hugging parent as they pack suitcases into car for a tripSeparation anxiety is one of the most common challenges parents face. It can make leaving a child with a caregiver or at daycare difficult and can undermine quality of life for both the parent and child. Separation anxiety is also completely normal, especially in very young children.

Children naturally long to be close to their caregivers, and separations compromise that closeness. Managing separation anxiety requires parents to balance the child’s need to be close to them with the expectation that children will become progressively more independent as they get older.

In some children, separation anxiety persists well beyond the toddler and preschool years, affecting their ability to comfortably attend school or spend time with friends. This type of severe separation anxiety affects 4% of children and 1.6% of teenagers.

Separation anxiety usually begins when a child is 6 or 7 months old, then peaks in the toddler and preschool years.

Separation Anxiety in Children: Symptoms and What’s Normal

Separation anxiety usually begins when a child is 6 or 7 months old, then peaks in the toddler and preschool years. Older children may have occasional bouts of separation anxiety, especially in new situations such as before going to sleepaway camp.

Babies and young children may have symptoms such as:

Older children may have additional symptoms, including:

When Separation Anxiety Is Extreme: What Is Separation Anxiety Disorder?

When separation anxiety is severe and chronic, or when it interferes with daily life, it may be considered a mental health diagnosis.

Researchers do not know what causes separation anxiety disorder. Like other mental health conditions, it is likely a combination of social, biological, and psychological factors. Children with a history of trauma or abuse may be more vulnerable. Symptoms usually appear in elementary school, between third and fifth grades. They include:

How to Deal with Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is no one’s fault. It is not a sign that a child is spoiled or manipulative. The distress children feel is very real, though as children get older, they learn that vocal expressions of distress may stop their parents from leaving. When dealing with separation anxiety, parents should not:

Choosing the right care provider is also critical for reducing separation anxiety. Daycare providers, nannies, and babysitters who are sensitive to the child’s needs can help. Talk to care providers about the importance of comforting and distracting the child—not ignoring them while they cry or punishing them for becoming anxious.

Some research suggests that forming a close attachment to a loving, accessible secondary care provider can ease separation anxiety. This means that daycares that provide the same carer each day, nannies, and consistent babysitters may be better options than an ever-shifting roster of childcare providers.

Some other strategies parents can adopt to ease separations include:

Separation anxiety can be difficult for both parents and children. Parents may feel stress at each separation or adjust their entire lives to reduce separations when a child has intense anxiety. This can affect an entire family, and even undermine careers. A therapist can help families manage separation anxiety in a way that minimizes trauma and honors the needs of every family member. GoodTherapy can help you find a therapist.

References:

  1. Bowlby, R. (2007). Babies and toddlers in non-parental daycare can avoid stress and anxiety if they develop a lasting secondary attachment bond with one carer who is consistently accessible to them. Attachment & Human Development, 9(4), 307-319. doi: 10.1080/14616730701711516
  2. Ehmke, R. (n.d.). What is separation anxiety?. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/what-is-separation-anxiety
  3. Krecklow, L. L. (2018, August 28). Separation anxiety: Dos and don’ts to help your child (and you) be brave. Retrieved from https://gozen.com/separation-anxiety-dos-and-donts-to-help-your-child-and-you-be-brave
  4. Separation anxiety disorder in children. (n.d.). Stanford Children’s Health. Retrieved from https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=separation-anxiety-disorder-90-P02582
  5. Swanson, W. S. (2015, November 21). How to ease your child’s separation anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx

Girl using smart phone and lying down in bed

As children get older, they begin to individuate, or develop their own unique sense of identity. As part of this normal developmental process, they begin to want more space and privacy from their parents and caregivers.

Most parents remember going through this stage themselves. But you might still feel a little uneasy, even frightened, about your teen’s increased need for privacy, especially when it comes to the internet. You love your child and want to keep them safe, and your awareness of internet predators, cyberbullying, and other online dangers can make you wonder how it’s possible to both give them privacy and ensure their safety.

There are several ways to allow your teen a measure of privacy online but still keep them safe. We offer some guidance below.

Threats from the Internet

If you spend any amount of time online, you’ve probably encountered plenty of articles or social media posts about the various internet dangers that can pop up. Plenty of these threats are real, but remember to keep a realistic frame of mind. For example, some people have experienced brainwashing or fallen in with cults and religious groups online, but this isn’t a common situation. It’s far more likely your child could face harassment, be pressured for sexts, or get asked for passwords.

It’s a good idea to take steps to safeguard your child against all threats while remaining mindful of the likeliest dangers, including:

Other threats can become more relevant at certain times. For example, hate speech and racist ideology may increase in a divided political climate. Teenagers in the process of value formation and identity development may have higher susceptibility to harmful messages, sometimes without fully understanding the racism or hate behind them.

Some youth have increased vulnerability to certain threats. Children who spend a lot of time alone or don’t have many offline friends in their peer group may go online more than children with active offline social lives.

Online friends aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Some youth may not make friends easily or choose to avoid peers in their neighborhood or school for other reasons. However, these youth may be more vulnerable to catfishing or predators, so it’s important to familiarize them with online safety tips and potential red flags.

If your child plays video games online, their device may have a higher risk for compromised security. It’s important to familiarize yourself with the software or console they’re using and make sure recommended safety settings are in place.

How to Keep Your Kids Safe

Awareness is the first, and arguably the most important, step to becoming safer online. You can’t protect yourself from something if you don’t know what you’re up against. So start with some frank communication about the potential dangers of the internet.

Your teen may roll their eyes and say, “I know.” And chances are, they do know. Research has found evidence to suggest many teenagers are very aware of potential online threats and take steps to protect themselves.

If your teen responds in this way, play to their knowledge. Say something like, “I bet you do know! You spend more time online than I do. I’m still learning, and I want to keep all of us, and our devices, safe. What should I know about? How do you keep yourself safe online?”

Or turn it into a game. See who can come up with the longest list of threats and a precaution against each. It doesn’t matter how you increase your—and their—knowledge. What matters is that you’re both aware of what you’re facing and how to safeguard against it.

Make sure they know you’re aware cyberbullying happens and that, if they come to you after being victimized, you’ll do whatever you can to help them. Teens are more likely to open up if they trust you, so remind them they have your unconditional support.

Your teen may resist rules around technology use, especially for their smartphones, but some limits are important. These limits may vary based on your personal feelings about technology and your household setup. Here are some rules you might consider:

Your rules will likely also vary depending on the age of your teen. A 17-year-old using Instagram may be less concerning than a 12-year-old using the same app, so you may set more restrictive limits for the younger child.

Older teens tend to have more awareness of possible hazards of the internet and may be practiced at keeping information private and following safety precautions online. You may also feel more readily able to trust teens who demonstrate responsibility in other areas of their life.

Why Cyber-Snooping Often Backfires

Worries about the dangers of the internet may lead some parents to heavily monitor their teen’s online use. For example, a parent who fears their teen is sexting might believe it’s safest to secretly look through their phones or go through their online history. Some parents might read through their teen’s text exchanges without their knowledge or permission.

Children, especially teenagers, need space. When adults deny them developmentally appropriate privacy, teens may react by shutting their caregivers out completely. These behaviors, though often carried out with good intentions, can have negative consequences for the relationship a parent has with their teen. Children, especially teenagers, need space. When adults deny them developmentally appropriate privacy, teens may react by shutting their caregivers out completely. They may also find other ways to get their privacy.

Think of it this way: Many parents feel as if their teenagers know more about digital technology than they do. If you’re among this group, do you doubt your internet-savvy teen’s ability to get around your restrictions? Instead of getting in their digital space, create a home environment of trust and support by making your child aware of possible dangers, then trusting them to come to you when they need help.

Rebuilding Trust

You might struggle to allow your teen privacy online if they’ve previously enjoyed this privacy but did something to violate your trust. It’s not helpful to completely deny them privacy, but if they’ve behaved in unsafe ways online, you may need to temporarily increase your restrictions as a consequence.

You might, for example, allow them to only use their phone when you’re also present. You might also insist they do homework on a family computer instead of a laptop in their bedroom. But it’s also essential they have the opportunity to earn back trust, especially when they show remorse and a willingness to learn from their mistake. A pattern of improved behavior, including increased trustworthiness and responsibility around the house, at school, and with siblings, can demonstrate a teen is ready to earn back privacy.

If your teen has caught you snooping in their phone or computer, they may respond by withdrawing from you. You’ll need to earn back their trust if you want them to feel comfortable coming to you with concerns in the future.

It can help if you:

Rebuilding trust in a family can take time, and it isn’t always something you can do alone. A family therapist can help you work together to find solutions if you’re struggling with trust and boundaries.

We are becoming ever more dependent on technology, and children aren’t exempt. Letting children and teens roam the anonymous digital world can trigger just as much nervousness and fear as letting them walk out the door alone. Accept that your teens will test their limits, as this is part of growing up. But when you offer trust, treat them with respect, and engage in frequent, open communication, you can make sure they’re stepping across the lines of childhood in healthy ways, not dangerous ones.

References:

  1. Anderson, M. (2019, March 22). How parents feel about – and manage – their teens’ online behavior and screen time. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/03/22/how-parents-feel-about-and-manage-their-teens-online-behavior-and-screen-time
  2. Cañares, M. (2018, September 4). Teenage clicks: Can teens protect their privacy on social media? World Wide Web Foundation. Retrieved from https://webfoundation.org/2018/09/teenage-clicks-can-teens-protect-their-privacy-on-social-media
  3. Moreno M. (2014, September 4). What do teens think about online privacy? On the Pulse. Retrieved from https://pulse.seattlechildrens.org/what-do-teens-think-about-online-privacy
  4. Privacy tips for teens. (n.d.). National Cyber Security Alliance. Retrieved from https://staysafeonline.org/stay-safe-online/managing-your-privacy/privacy-tips-teens
  5. What sort of online dangers are teens exposed to on the web? (2018, October 25). SecureTeen. Retrieved from https://www.secureteen.com/online-parental-controls/what-sort-of-online-dangers-are-teens-exposed-to-on-the-web
  6. Williams, A. (2015, January 22). How to protect your teen’s privacy online. Family Online Safety Institute. Retrieved from https://www.fosi.org/good-digital-parenting/helping-parents-protect-teen-privacy-online-

vape devices and electronic cigarette, ecig and mods over a black background.Vaping refers to the process of using electronic cigarettes (also known as e-cigarettes, vapes, vape pens, or ENDS). Since 2007, when e-cigarettes began appearing in the United States, vaping has become fairly common.

Many believed e-cigarettes to be harmless, but as vaping has increased in popularity, news reports of vaping-related illnesses and deaths have also increased. In October 2019, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported a total of 1,080 cases of lung injuries linked to vaping in the United States. They also reported 18 vaping-related deaths.

E-cigarettes have become popular among teens and young adults in particular. According to the same CDC statistics:

Some people simply enjoy the taste of flavored e-cigarettes. Others may use them as a less harmful alternative to cigarette smoking. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, while it is true that e-cigarettes generally don’t contain as many toxic chemicals as traditional cigarettes, they’re still not great for your health.

What Is Vaping?

The term “vaping” refers to the “vapor” produced by e-cigarettes. This vapor, which e-cigarette users inhale, comes from liquid heated inside the e-cigarette. Some assume it’s just water vapor, but in fact, it is an aerosol. In other words, the vapor is made up of very fine particles of the substances contained in the liquid. If the liquid contains toxic chemicals, so does the aerosol.

Although e-cigarettes don’t contain tobacco, the substances they do contain can vary widely. Most contain nicotine. In fact, according to the American Cancer Society, even e-cigarettes labeled as nicotine-free may still contain some nicotine. What’s more, JUULs, a specific brand of e-cigarette, always contain nicotine.

E-cigarette liquid and vapor could contain the following chemicals:

In a September 2019 press release, the CDC suggested vaping THC products could be particularly dangerous, though experts continue to investigate the exact cause of the illnesses. Research supports the link between vaping THC and health issues. After interviewing 578 people who had become ill after vaping, the CDC found most had vaped THC products.

Dangers of Vaping

E-cigarette use involves the direct inhalation of vapor rather than the direct smoking of a substance. No smoke is produced, and since they don’t contain tobacco, they don’t produce any tobacco smell. Because of this, many users find vaping more appealing and believe it causes fewer, if any, harmful effects.

But this isn’t necessarily the case. Science hasn’t conclusively identified all potential health risks associated with vaping, but existing evidence does suggest e-cigarettes—while likely not as harmful as traditional cigarettes—can still negatively affect health.

What’s more, medical experts have linked the chemicals in e-cigarettes to a range of health conditions, including:

As evidence linking THC in e-cigarettes to illness and death emerges, medical experts continue to advise against using e-cigarettes, especially e-cigarettes containing THC. Since e-cigarettes might, in theory, contain any chemical, people are encouraged to use extreme caution when unsure of exactly which substances they’re vaping.

Is Vaping Addictive?

E-cigarettes don’t contain as many harmful chemicals as traditional cigarettes (which contain thousands of chemicals). But they do typically contain nicotine—a toxic, addictive chemical, and some e-cigarettes may provide even more nicotine than a traditional cigarette. This means e-cigarettes are still addictive.

Even teens who do know e-cigarettes contain nicotine may not realize they’re addictive or that they can have serious health effects.Research also suggests e-cigarettes can function as a “gateway drug” to cigarette smoking and other tobacco use. The risk is especially high for teens and young adults who might not have started smoking otherwise.

Some people may look to e-cigarettes as a way to ease themselves out of smoking. However, the research on this strategy is mixed. One study suggests e-cigarettes work as well as other nicotine replacements such as patches or gums. Another study found most people who used vaping to quit nicotine ended up smoking both traditional and electronic cigarettes. The FDA has not approved of using e-cigarettes as a smoking cessation tool.

Why Is Vaping So Popular Among Teens?

An annual survey from the National Institutes of Health found that vaping increased among high school seniors by 9% between 2017 and 2018. The research found increases in vaping across several substances: nicotine, marijuana, and hash oil, as well as flavored e-cigarette liquid.

Experts point to a few key reasons that help explain why many teens find vaping appealing.

First, e-cigarette marketing often involves advertising methods like animation, bright colors, and youthful actors, all of which seem designed to attract teens and young adults. Ad messages also often appear to suggest vaping is linked to increased popularity and happiness. E-cigarettes also come in a range of flavors, which can make them seem more fun and enjoyable to younger people.

Lack of education on e-cigarettes can also further the mistaken belief that vaping doesn’t have any serious effects. Many teenagers don’t know much about e-cigarettes. Some aren’t aware they contain nicotine or other substances, and many believe the vapor contains nothing more than flavor. Even teens who do know e-cigarettes contain nicotine may not realize they’re addictive or that they can have serious health effects.

Treatment for E-Cig Addiction

Teenage vaping addiction is a growing health concern. Research has yet to determine the full effects of vaping on the brain and body, but experts believe it can have a particularly harmful impact on teens.

The brain continues to develop throughout the teen years, and while it’s still developing, teens face a higher risk for addiction than adults. Vaping during the teen years also has the potential to permanently affect brain development.

If you believe your teen is using e-cigarettes, these tips can help you start a conversation and get them help, if necessary.

Medical science still has much to uncover about e-cigarettes, but recent news reports highlight a number of recognized concerns. E-cigarettes may involve fewer health risks than tobacco cigarettes, but that doesn’t mean they’re healthy. They may pose even more dangers to teens—an age group in which e-cigarette use has recently increased.

A compassionate therapist can support you in the process of quitting e-cigarettes or any other addiction. Begin your search today!

References:

  1. 5 vaping facts you need to know. (n.d.). Johns Hopkins Medicine. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/5-truths-you-need-to-know-about-vaping
  2. Bates, J. (2019, October 1). CDC says for first time that some THC products could be behind vaping deaths and illnesses. Time. Retrieved from https://time.com/5688229/cdc-thc-vaping-deaths
  3. Hellman, J. (2019, October 3). CDC: Cases of vaping-related illness top 1,000. The Hill. Retrieved from https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/464279-cdc-cases-of-vaping-related-illnesses-top-1000?fbclid=IwAR1N76JddJm8vCrx6D9T0oJTnLkc7u9cSdsBc39nJ-SnXgBGwQwqaXcC9Lc
  4. Martinelli, K. (n.d.). Teen vaping: What you need to know. Child Mind Institute. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/teen-vaping-what-you-need-to-know/
  5. Outbreak of lung injury associated with e-cigarette use, or vaping. (2019, September 27). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/basic_information/e-cigarettes/severe-lung-disease.html
  6. Richter, L. (2018). What is vaping? Retrieved from https://www.centeronaddiction.org/e-cigarettes/recreational-vaping/what-vaping
  7. Vaping rises among teens. (2019). National Institutes of Health. Retrieved from https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2019/02/vaping-rises-among-teens
  8. Vaping: What you need to know. (2019). KidsHealth. Retrieved from https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/e-cigarettes.html
  9. What do we know about e-cigarettes? (2019). American Cancer Society. Retrieved from https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/tobacco-and-cancer/e-cigarettes.html

yelling-momYelling is a topic that has meaning for everyone. All of us have raised our voices, probably more than once. No, I did not come from a home of screaming parents or siblings. However, I do see many families and couples who yell a lot at each other often, and the short and long-term consequences of regular yelling/screaming are not pretty. If you are experiencing this you may be wondering how can yelling be prevented in a relationship. Those of you who experience yelling on a regular basis know what I’m talking about.

Yelling at Children

Let’s start with the impact of yelling at children:

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  1. Yelling at children teaches them how to yell, when to yell, and that yelling is an effective response to emotionally charged situations. By extension, it teaches them an ineffective way to process anger, as anger is usually associated with yelling.
  2. Yelling scares most children—the younger the child, often the more fear they feel. In a state of fear it is next to impossible for a child to think about their mistake or misbehavior. If a child cannot think about their mistake, a child cannot learn from their mistake. Children are far less likely to learn the lesson you want them to learn when they are afraid. Instead of the lesson they might otherwise learn from natural, appropriate consequences associated with their mistake, they learn to be afraid. Fearful children often grow up to be fearful adults and parents. Sometimes they grow up to be yellers. No surprise.
  3. Regularly yelling at a child before the age of three or four, or before they have an expansive developmental use of language, teaches them to replace useful language with yelling. In other words, a child will not learn useful, effective expression when yelling is their model. The short version is, “if mom and/or dad yell, then so can I.” They are too young to know better.

Helplessness

Not only is yelling learned from our own parents in some cases, it also means a parent probably feels helpless. It is a sign that a parent does not know a more effective alternative at that moment. Helplessness is a very powerful feeling, and when the brain reads the ‘helpless signal,’ so to speak, it will do almost anything to reduce it. The antidote to helplessness begins with a four step process, which will aide in reducing/stopping yelling at the kids:

  1. Make a conscious, verbal decision to stop yelling.
  2. Make the commitment to learn the skills necessary for replacing yelling with effective responses. Go to The Love and Logic Institute, and invest in their parenting CD’s, books & DVD’s. From that material you can learn those skills (no, I do not get residuals for recommending their remarkable material, but I’d appreciate it if you would tell them I sent you!). All you need to know about replacing yelling, and learning how to really enjoy parenting is there. OK, now that’s your skills toolbox. But, now you have to reduce the reactivity that precedes your yelling–that’s the hard part. Parents who effectively manage their emotional reactivity do not tend to yell.
  3. If reactivity (which I will say more about below) and anger are problems for you, which frequently is the case with chronic yellers, professional counseling may be your best investment.
  4. Try this new thought as a guide to changing your thinking about yelling as you consider making your decision to stop: “There is nothing a child can do that calls for yelling at them—unless it will literally save their life.”

By the way, in 29 years of practicing therapy, I’ve never met a parent who remarked: “Boy, do I regret not yelling at my kid, what a mistake that was.”

Yelling at Your Spouse / Partner

Yelling at your spouse/partner induces fear and can even create anxiety, just as it does in a child. Brain research has shown that it is very difficult to think while in a state of fear. If you want your partner to think about what you say, the odds for that increase when you speak in a way that does not produce fear. When your partner hears yelling, the brain reads it as DANGER, and your partner experiences fear. It (the brain) immediately goes in to some degree of fight or flight mode—how much depends on the amount of perceived threat. The behavior from your partner at that point will probably range from yelling back/defensiveness (fight mode) to silence/withdrawal (flight mode). Neither will produce a satisfactory outcome.

Fight mode is sometimes referred to as “reactive.” In fight or reactive mode we tend to say things we regret or wish we could take back, which, of course calls for repair. Part of this pattern often includes your partner reacting defensively and/or critically when yelled at. That defensiveness triggers more frustration, anger and lashing out. Without knowing what to do, or how to respond differently, the cycle is repeated, and both partners suffer and struggle with a broken or unsatisfactory conflict management process. The next time an issue surfaces it will be anticipated with dread.

Flight mode is also referred to as silence/withdrawal. In flight mode, two common options arise: One, you either do not know what to say due shutting down with fear; or, two, you may know exactly what you want to say, but, you say nothing because a part of you believes that what you think and/feel is unimportant, so why bother. Either way you have no voice. In the end, both you and your partner are probably angry, hurt, disappointed and frustrated, and blaming the other for the “breakdown in communication.”

More accurately, there was no “breakdown in communication,” per se. In fact, there was plenty of communication, too much of it ineffective. More significant was the breakdown in reactivity management. All the good communication skills in the tool bag will be of little use in the face of unchecked or poorly managed reactivity. Why might professional counseling helpful at this point? Because chronic ineffectively managed reactivity almost always has some roots in our early history. A competent marital therapist can help connect early roots to current events, finish some old business, and help you develop reactivity management alternatives.

Yelling Alternatives

I am aware that many of you prefer counseling as a last resort. If that’s the case, on your own, try the following:

  1. Before you begin your discussion, each of you verbally acknowledge your willingness to break the pattern that is not working. It might sound like this: “The last time we discussed this, I did not react effectively. I am going to try some new behaviors.”
  2. Next, each of you openly acknowledge to your partner how you aspire to be during the discussion. If you tend to be the yeller, acknowledge that you aspire to be calm, and what new behavior you plan to employ if you begin to feel activated. You might say, for example, “I’m starting to feel like I want to yell, my frustration is building, I would like to stop for a few minutes so that I can get calm again.” THAT WOULD BE NEW BEHAVIOR. If you begin to feel activated, take responsibility for it—do not blame your partner. What ever new behavior you decide to try, let it be known in advance of the discussion. No surprises, unless they’re pleasant ones.
  3. Hold yourself to the healthy code of conduct to which you aspire; let your partner do the same for him/herself. How you aspire to be is all you have control over.
  4. In advance, put a time limit on the length of the discussion. If you each feel comfortable continuing on, agree to another time limit. Repeat as necessary.
  5. When either of you call for a time out, especially to lower your reactivity, decide on a time to resume. This reduces the chances of avoiding your way out of the discussion entirely.
  6. After the discussion, and only if you both agree to, analyze YOUR own respective roles in how the discussion went. Talk about yourself, unless complimenting your partner. Determine where you might become more effective, and tell your partner. Focus on your behavior, not your partner’s.

Good luck in your attempts to break this difficult pattern. It’s not easy. The fact that you are making an attempt builds trust and self-confidence.

Wishing you a satisfying relationship,
Jim Hutt

Siblings argue over TV remoteSibling rivalry can take many forms—from good-natured demands to know a parent’s favorite to aggressive fighting, punching, and biting. It’s one of the most common problems families face and one of the biggest sources of parenting stress.

Siblings may have very different personalities, and they are thrown together and forced to work out their disagreements for years. This presents a great opportunity for them to learn communication and conflict resolution skills. It can also be deeply frustrating to both parents and their children. Sometimes, sibling rivalry constitutes a unique form of bullying that can affect a child for many years. Knowing how to deal with sibling rivalry can make parenting less stressful and help parents provide a safe and supportive environment for all their children.

What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

Living with another person can be difficult. There are often possessions to fight over, and children may argue over limited resources. Just as some bickering among roommates who did not choose one another is inevitable, so too is some level of disagreement between siblings.

Although most parents of multiple children report some degree of sibling rivalry, the roots of said rivalry can differ between families. Most analysts suggest a competition for parental love and approval often play a central role. Some factors that may increase sibling conflict include:

Some research suggests that younger children may engage in sibling rivalry more often than adolescents. Children between the ages of 3 and 7 have high rates of conflict, disagreeing an average of 3.5 times an hour.

How Sibling Rivalry Affects Kids and Parents

Sibling rivalry can be a chronic source of frustration for parents, as they may feel that they spend most of their time mediating conflicts. This increases the stress and exhaustion of parenting. Constant conflict can also make it difficult to spend meaningful time with children, either together or separately. Some parents struggle to remain calm or patient in the face of intense rivalry. Others worry that the rivalry will negatively affect their children at school, with friends, or in adulthood.

The effects of rivalry on children vary. In the moment, an argument with a sibling can be stressful and frustrating, particularly when a child feels that a parent favors their sibling or does not care about their needs.

Sibling rivalry is common, but not all forms of sibling rivalry are normal or healthy. Sometimes sibling rivalry becomes a form of abuse. A 2013 study that analyzed data from the National Survey of Children’s Exposure to Violence found that sibling assaults are common. Rates of violence were highest among children who were less than 2 years apart. Among this group, 40.9% reported being physically assaulted during the past year, and 7.7% reported either being assaulted with a weapon or being injured.

Chronic physical violence, particularly when one child is usually the victim and the other child is usually the perpetrator, can be traumatic. Chronic sibling violence may increase a child’s risk of posttraumatic stress (PTSD), depression, anxiety, difficulties at school or with friends, and relationship problems in adulthood.

Conversely, sibling rivalry also confers some benefits. Siblings teach one another social skills. Early conflict resolution skills can prepare a child for the many conflicts of adulthood, as well as the challenges of living with other people, such as roommates or spouses. A 2013 study found that fifth graders without siblings had more social skills deficits, even five years after entering school. This trend suggests managing conflicts with siblings continues to confer significant social benefits even after a child enters school and spends daily time with other children.

How Parents Can Prevent Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is common, but not all forms of sibling rivalry are normal or healthy.

“While many parents tend to overlook it as ‘normal’ when siblings treat each other poorly, sibling rivalry can have a negative impact on mental health that can last a lifetime. Sibling rivalry should be viewed by parents as being potentially as harmful as ‘bullying,’” explains Kathy Hardie-Williams, MEd, MS, NCC, LPC, LMFT, a family therapist in Oregon who often works with families to manage sibling rivalry and other conflicts.

“One thing parents can do is make ‘needs’ rather than ‘fairness’ the foundation for decisions,” Williams continues. “We tend to think of fairness as treating everyone the same, but in fact, fairness is treating everyone based on what they need. Parents would be serving their children well to teach this concept.”

A 2012 study of a novel intervention for sibling rivalry echoes these sentiments, pointing to the importance of fostering a collaborative relationship between siblings. That study tested 12 after-school activities that taught siblings how to communicate in a collaborative, positive fashion. By encouraging siblings to see themselves a part of a team, researchers were able to improve how siblings felt about each other.

Some other strategies that may help include:

When Kids Accuse You of Having a Favorite

Children who accuse a parent of favoritism often feel genuinely distressed about the experience. So parents should not dismiss their concerns—even if the parent does not have a favorite. Instead, focus on what the child is feeling and how you can help ease those emotions.

Some questions to ask include:

Some strategies for managing allegations of favoritism include:

When Should You Consider Family Therapy?

Family therapy can help families manage many forms of sibling rivalry. It’s never too early or too late to give therapy a try. Therapists can help even with minor sibling rivalry. Some signs that a family should consider therapy include:

The right therapist can help each family member talk about their feelings. They can then support the family to develop a sibling rivalry management plan that everyone can live with. GoodTherapy can help you find a family therapist here.

References:

  1. Children and sibling rivalry. (2019). Retrieved from https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/sibling-rivalry
  2. Ciciora, P. (2019, January 15). Siblings play formative, influential role as ‘agents of socialization.’ Retrieved from https://news.illinois.edu/view/6367/205739
  3. Downey, D. B., Condron, D. J., & Yucel, D. (2013, November 7). Number of siblings and social skills revisited among American fifth graders. Journal of Family Issues, 36(2), 273-296. Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X13507569?journalCode=jfia
  4. Feinberg, M. E., Solmeyer, A. R., Hostetler, M. L., Sakuma, K-L., Jones, D., & McHale, S. M. (2012). Siblings are special: Initial test of new approach for preventing youth behavior problems. Journal of Adolescent Health, 53(2), 166-173. Retrieved from https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(12)00402-8/fulltext
  5. Fry, S. M. (2019, May 1). Sibling rivalry—lifelong relationships, lifelong effects. Retrieved from https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/sibling-rivalry-lifelong-relationships-lifelong-effects/
  6. Tucker, C. J., Finkelhor, D., Shattuck, A. M., & Turner, H. (2013). Prevalence and correlates of sibling victimization types. Child Abuse and Neglect, 37, 213-223. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/d295/389249a7206c2cc0815d2073895d7ca49cd3.pdf

Sisters hold hands and watch a melting glacier.According to the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report, humanity has only a few years left to prevent environmental catastrophe. Should we fail, natural disasters will likely grow more frequent, food may become scarcer, and millions of people could be displaced from their homes. Many people across the globe are already experiencing these consequences.

Much of climate change’s burden falls on today’s children and adolescents. They are the ones who will have to survive in this hotter, harsher world. This threat has caused pervasive distress in many youths today—perhaps more than many adults realize.

However, all is not lost. Parents, teachers, and other concerned adults can help address this crisis. They can keep an eye out for potential mental health issues caused by environmental factors. They can offer emotional support. They can help kids develop emotionally healthy coping strategies. When climate change causes mental health issues in children, the support of adults can be invaluable.

Mental Health and the Environment

Children and teens, with their developing bodies and brains, can be more vulnerable to the consequences of global warming than adults. These include:

Even the heat itself can influence mental health. Research shows that as temperatures rise, people have more emotional arousal. They are more likely to have negative thoughts and aggressive impulses. Youth who already have mental health issues may see their symptoms worsen.

Heat can also reduce people’s ability to cope with intense emotions. Research suggests that as temperatures rise, our cognitive functioning can diminish, making us less able to solve problems without violence. Some individuals may resort to aggression or substance abuse to cope with distress. Increasing temperatures have also been linked to higher levels of suicide.

How Eco-Anxiety Manifests in Kids

Eco-anxiety, or climate anxiety, is severe and persistent distress about global warming. Research suggests climate anxiety is quite common among kids. One study surveyed 600 Australian kids ages 10-14. Among the respondents:

Similar numbers have been found in other studies.

If these fears are left to simmer without relief, they can lead to chronic stress. Some children may compulsively check the news or weather reports. Others may develop a perfectionist attitude toward recycling and water conservation. They may feel excessive guilt for circumstances outside their control.

A child could also go to the other extreme, developing a sense of hopelessness. Some children could feel that the end of the world is inevitable. They may lose motivation to do well in school or pursue hobbies, believing their effort won’t matter in the long run. Grief for a lost future could overwhelm any attachment to the present.

How to Talk to Kids About Climate Change

Many adults find it difficult to discuss global warming with children. Climate change is an upsetting dilemma with no easy answers. However, children are already getting information (and misinformation) on climate change from their friends, the internet, and elsewhere. It is often better for children to get clear information from a trusted source than to try and sift through the data themselves.

As an adult, you may be tempted to downplay the situation in order to soothe a child’s fears. This strategy can easily backfire. The child may misinterpret your attitude as apathy and conclude nothing is being done about the problem. They may develop resentment, believing adults don’t care what kind of environment they leave the next generation.

At the same time, it’s also important to avoid overwhelming the child with negativity. It may help to show the child examples of activists and scientists who are working to solve the problem. Role models can reassure kids they will not have to face this crisis alone. Emphasize that there is hope for the future.

Coping with Climate Change Anxiety

When faced with an environmental crisis, many individuals do not know how to cope. Andrea Bell, LCSW, SEP, from Long Beach, California, says, “When faced with overwhelmingly terrible news, such as mass extinctions of beloved animals, or the breakdown of the natural systems that sustain all life…it is entirely normal to feel anxiety and despair, rage and overwhelm.  We must not pathologize that. However, we should neither act out violently nor remain stuck in passive stress. We all must mobilize to help regenerate our ecosystems. As it turns out, this moving into action to help the planet also stops the stuckness and helps the individual start to feel better. It’s a little bit of stubborn optimism: ‘I’m still here, and I can do something.’ ”

Confronting an issue head-on is sometimes called problem-focused coping. It involves taking concrete steps to solve or mitigate a problem. You can help your kid with problem-focused coping by:

Another strategy is called meaning-focused coping. Its purpose is to help people maintain a sense of purpose and hope in difficult situations. Examples of meaning-focused strategies include:

Research shows children and adolescents with climate anxiety respond especially well to meaning-focused strategies. Since most youths cannot drive, work, or vote, their ability to directly enact change is limited. Furthermore, climate change is too large of an issue to be solved quickly. Meaning-focused strategies can help children maintain optimism and avoid emotional overwhelm.

A child may benefit from counseling if climate anxiety has affected their quality of life. A child counselor can work with the child individually to treat related mental health issues such as depression. A family therapist can work with the entire family to cope with climate anxiety. Visiting a school counselor may also be beneficial if a child’s academic performance has dropped.

No matter what a child’s needs may be, there is a mental health professional who can help them. You can find a counselor near you through GoodTherapy’s directory.

References:

  1. Clayton, S., Manning, C., Krygsman, K., & Speiser, M. (2017). Mental health and our changing climate: Impacts, implications, and guidance [PDF]. Retrieved from https://ecoamerica.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/ea-apa-psych-report-web.pdf
  2. Ojala, M. (2013). Coping with climate change among adolescents: Implications for subjective well-being and environmental engagement. Sustainability, 5(5), 2191-2209. Retrieved from https://www.mdpi.com/2071-1050/5/5/2191/htm
  3. Salas, R. N., Jacobs, W., & Perera, F. (2019, May 30). The case of Juliana v. U.S. : Children and the health burdens of climate change. The New England Journal of Medicine, 380(1), 2085-2087. Retrieved from https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp1905504
  4. Tucci, J., Mitchell, J., & Goddard, C. (2007). Children’s fears, hopes and heroes [PDF]. Retrieved from http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.590.5217&rep=rep1&type=pdf

Macro detail of cannabis concentrate with dabbing toolNow that marijuana use is becoming legalized all across the country, America’s teenagers are reaping the consequences. True, there is nothing new under the sun with teenagers using drugs, particularly marijuana, but the situation is different than how it was back in the 60s and 70s. Now, marijuana is no longer a “gateway” drug; rather, it is the “end” choice.

What Is Marijuana Wax?

Marijuana wax is a concentrated form of marijuana (cannabis) that resembles ear wax. It contains 90% THC (tetrahydrocannabinol, the active ingredient in cannabis). One small “hit” of wax causes the same euphoric effect as that created by smoking 1-2 marijuana cigarettes (joints).

Teenagers typically use wax via a vape pen. This tool extracts the THC rather than burning it, so the drug is basically odorless and smokeless. Teenagers can use wax with a vape pen without any obvious detection, and the tool can be easily concealed. This is very alarming because teenagers can use wax basically under the noses of their authority figures.

Many teenagers have discovered that using wax brings many “benefits”:

The unfortunate result is that as many teenagers are developing independence and learning how to navigate life, the marijuana user is learning to cope with their problems by avoidance or “numbing out”. This creates a lack of creativity and motivation. These youth are not experiencing the exuberance of life, but are developing an “I don’t care” attitude. This is alarming at best; mainly it is devastating.

The Effects of Wax and Other Forms of Marijuana

The short-term effects of using wax include attention and memory problems, distorted perception, poor judgment, and poor coordination.

Along with the short-term issues, there are also long-term psychological and health concerns involved with the use of wax. Regular use of marijuana can cause:

Barriers to Treatment for Marijuana Abuse

Speaking as a substance abuse counselor who works with teenagers who use cannabis, treatment is often challenging. Usually when teenagers seek counseling for their substance use, it is because some adult authority figure or institution has demanded it. Court- or school-mandated substance use treatment brings an additional set of problems.

Addressing the underlying “want” is the best approach to treatment. It is also the most difficult. Ask yourself, why does my teenager not want to feel? Why do they not care about themself? What is the underlying motivation of this youth?For one thing, effective counseling requires the “counselee” to be motivated to change. People coerced into treatment are not internally motivated. External motivation often causes people to resist. This is even more likely for rebellious teenagers, determined to set their own terms and define their own choices. One of the jobs of the counselor is to figure out how to overcome this dynamic, “win” the youth over, and help break through the teen’s resistance.

Another problem faced by concerned adults is the social acceptability of marijuana. Since so many adults are using the drug themselves, to the point that many states have made it a legal substance, there is a trickle-down effect on the youth in our society. Oftentimes I hear teens say things like, “It helps me with my anxiety. It’s only an herb; a natural plant created by God that helps me feel good.” These are the same arguments adults use.

In addition to this, I have made the observation that marijuana no longer seems to be a gateway drug as it was in the past. Rather, it is the drug of choice for the majority of drug-using teenagers, far surpassing even the use of cigarettes. Alarmingly, about half of all teenagers, particularly in states which have legalized marijuana, have tried the substance some time during their high school years.

What Can Parents Do About Teen Marijuana Use?

One thing parents can do is to know the signs that their teen is using marijuana. These signs include the following:

If you do suspect your teen is using marijuana, it is important that you don’t ignore the clues. Address the issue straight on. Talk in no uncertain terms, directly. Have a “zero tolerance” attitude about drug use.

In addition, here are some other suggestions for how to address a teenager who is using marijuana in any form, including wax:

  1. Be a good role model.
  2. Develop a healthy relationship with your teenager.
  3. Set boundaries.
  4. Be aware of what your teen is doing with their time.
  5. Educate your child about the effects of marijuana use.
  6. Be involved in your teenager’s life.
  7. Don’t allow your teen to use drugs in your home or go to social activities which allow the use of drugs or alcohol.
  8. Do not use drugs yourself.

The best way to deal with any type of drug use is to raise kids in such a way that they won’t want to use in the first place. A harder task, still, is getting the teenager to stop wanting to use it once they’ve started. Addressing the underlying “want” is the best approach to treatment. It is also the most difficult. Ask yourself, why does my teenager not want to feel? Why do they not care about themself? What is the underlying motivation of this youth?

From my experience, when questioning teens who use wax, I hear the following responses:

“Life is boring. Wax makes it fun.”

“I just want to chill.”

“I like how it makes me feel.”

“It helps me not care about anything.”

If these statements depict why your teen is using wax, then try to solve the underlying problems. Eliminate boredom. Teach your teenager how to find joy in life. Give them a purpose. Teach your teen that they matter and that taking care of oneself is important.

If you need help getting your teen to stop using marijuana, you can find an addiction counselor here.

References:

  1. Marijuana and teens. (2018). American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Retrieved from: https://www.aacap.org/aacap/families_and_youth/facts_for_families/fff-guide/Marijuana-and-Teens-106.aspx
  2. Palacios, K. (n.sd.) The dangers of smoking marijuana wax [PDF]. Retrieved from https://www.ihs.gov/california/tasks/sites/default/assets/File/BP2014-3_MarijuanaWax_Palacios.pdf
  3. Volkow, N.D. (2018.) Marijuana: Facts parents need to know. Retrieved from:  https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/marijuana-facts-parents-need-to-know/letter-to-parents
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