Crowd of people walking on busy sidewalk and carrying shopping bagsIt’s difficult to spend time in any women’s community, online or otherwise, without hearing a reference to retail therapy. In the popular press, shopping is gendered as a pursuit for women. So resources for people with compulsive buying disorder, sometimes called oniomania, often focus on women. The truth is that men, women, and people not on the gender binary can struggle with shopping addiction.

What Is Shopping Addiction?

Buying things is an inescapable part of life. Most people who can afford to do so make some unnecessary purchases. It can even be difficult to discern what constitutes an unnecessary purchase—are seeds or a rose bush really unnecessary to a dedicated gardener? These factors all make it difficult to separate typical shopping behavior from a shopping addiction.

Additionally, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) does not list shopping addiction or compulsive buying as a separate addiction. This makes diagnosis more challenging, especially for those who want to know whether they meet diagnostic criteria.

People who are addicted to shopping are often preoccupied with it. While most spend money, some simply think about or plan to shop. Some characteristics of shopping addiction as opposed to normal shopping include:

Shopping addiction can have devastating effects on a person’s life. It may undermine their ability to make important purchases such as buying a home or funding college. It can cause them to drain their savings. It may lead to debt and bankruptcy or destroy relationships.

Because people who compulsively shop often do so to cope with stress, the stress of compulsive shopping can actually fuel more shopping.

People of all genders can experience an addiction to shopping or buying. Most research estimates that 6-7% of people worldwide compulsively shop.

What Research Says About Shopping Addiction and Women

People of all genders can experience an addiction to shopping or buying. Most research estimates that 6-7% of people worldwide compulsively shop.

Research on gender differences is mixed and inconclusive. A German study found equal rates of compulsive buying among men and women. A Spanish study arrived at a different conclusion, finding slightly higher rates of compulsive shopping among women.

Despite the fact that people of all genders may shop too much, 80-94% of people seeking treatment for compulsive buying are women. A 2016 analysis argues that this may not be because of gender differences in shopping style. Instead, this may be due to an increased likelihood that women will recognize and seek help for a problem with shopping.

A 1997 article analyzed compulsive shopping among women through a feminist lens. That article argues compulsive shopping is often compensatory in nature. Compensatory consumption is an attempt to overcome perceived or actual deficits in status, relationships, or self-perception. In a sexist society, the article argues, compensatory consumption may be one way women cope with gender inequity.

Culture, Family, and Genetics: What Leads to Shopping Addiction?

Like other mental health issues, no single factor has been proven to cause all cases of shopping addiction. Shopping addiction is a complex mental health challenge that may be caused or exacerbated by numerous factors.

While some analysts speculate that compulsive shopping may be genetic, no research has found a clear genetic link to compulsive buying. However, many people who shop compulsively have another mental health condition such as depression or anxiety. These diagnoses do have genetic underpinnings, so genetics could play an indirect role.

Despite a dearth of genetic research, compulsive shopping sometimes runs in families. This may be because parents and other caregivers model to children that shopping is a good way to relieve psychological distress.

Some other factors that may play a role in the development of compulsive shopping include:

Brain imaging scans of people with behavioral addictions, including compulsive shopping, have found differences in several regions of the brain. Those include the limbic system, which plays a role in memory and emotion, and various areas of the brain associated with reward and motivation.

Why Do People Become Compulsive Shoppers?

Most research suggests that people who shop compulsively do so to alleviate feelings of boredom, anxiety, sadness, depression, and other painful emotions. In some cases, people shop to alleviate discomfort caused by shopping itself. For instance, a person who receives a large credit card bill may try “retail therapy” to cope.

People who use shopping to deal with psychological pain are more likely to have certain personality traits. Those include:

For When You Can’t Stop Shopping: Overcoming Shopping Addiction

Shopping addiction often happens in secret, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Shopping addiction is not a character defect. It’s a real diagnosis that warrants real treatment.

Some people find relief from 12-step programs such as Debtors Anonymous. Others find that antidepressants, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) help, possibly by alleviating underlying psychological symptoms. Most people with an addiction to shopping need therapy to help them quit.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps people understand the connection between their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, has proven particularly helpful for fighting compulsive shopping. Other forms of therapy may also help by:

Shopping addiction is treatable, as are the many problems it can cause in a person’s life. For help managing an addiction to shopping, begin your search for a therapist here.

References:

  1. Granero, R., Fernández-Aranda, F., Mestre-Bach, G., Steward, T., Baño, M., Pino-Gutiérrez, A. D., . . . Jiménez-Murcia, S. (2016). Compulsive buying behavior: Clinical comparison with other behavioral addictions. Frontiers in Psychology, 7. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00914
  2. Mattos, C. N., Kim, H. S., Requião, M. G., Marasaldi, R. F., Filomensky, T. Z., Hodgins, D. C., & Tavares, H. (2016). Gender differences in compulsive buying disorder: Assessment of demographic and psychiatric co-morbidities. PLoS One, 11(12). doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0167365
  3. Pinna, F., Dell’Osso, B., Di Nicola, M., Janiri, L., Altamura, A. C., Carpiniello, B., & Hollander, E. (2015). Behavioural addictions and the transition from DSM-IV TR to DSM-5. Journal of Psychopathology, 380-389. Retrieved from http://www.jpsychopathol.it/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/12_Art_ORIGINALE_Pinna1.pdf
  4. Piquet-Pessôa, M., Ferreira, G. M., Melca, I. A., & Fontenelle, L. F. (2014). DSM-5 and the decision not to include sex, shopping, or stealing as addictions. Current Addiction Reports, 1(3), 172-176. doi: 10.1007/s40429-014-0027-6
  5. Woodruffe, H. R. (1997). Compensatory consumption: Why women go shopping when they’re fed up and other stories. Marketing Intelligence & Planning, 15(7), 325-334. Retrieved from https://www.emeraldinsight.com/doi/abs/10.1108/02634509710193172

Thanks for your question. Boy, that is a doozy of a choice: bankruptcy or divorce. Would you rather lose the arm or the leg? It really does sound like your wife has a shopping addiction or compulsion that needs addressing sooner rather than later. As an addiction specialist, here are the (somewhat unsavory) choices I see you facing. The crux of it is this: get help … for both you and your wife. You are in a seriously traumatic situation, facing several imminent losses, and I would therefore suggest you:

  1. Find a couples counselor with experience in addiction. To make sure the counselor has this experience, ask him or her to give you a treatment plan for a couple where one is addicted. A good counselor will ask both parties to get help; a competent counselor understands that addiction (or destructive compulsion such as constant overspending) is a family issue. You are experiencing the trauma of facing bankruptcy and/or the loss of your partner, which is frightening to say the least (and probably causes strong resentments and/or fears, which is but one reason support for you is crucial). An inexperienced counselor will say, “Welp, not much you can do except get a divorce lawyer or cut up the credit cards.” You might want to consult with a divorce attorney, just for information’s sake—like tips on how to protect yourself financially—but I honestly don’t think that’s the most important thing initially. I think the most important thing is that you realize your wife has something akin to an addiction (or manic behavior, which often involves highly compulsive behaviors)—and that you take care of yourself, to ensure you make the calmest, most reasonable decisions possible. Even if she doesn’t agree to the couples counseling, I suggest you …
  2. Get yourself a therapist who understands addictions, for an outlet to vent, complain, cry, whatever … so that you can find some calm and at least passing serenity, to listen to what your heart and intuition are telling you. Otherwise, you will be acting out of reactivity and rage (or terror) and may make rash decisions you regret. Your wife needs help, and for your own conscience’s sake, you probably want to at least give her the opportunity to get help. You can search GoodTherapy.org for couples counselors and individual therapists.
  3. Attend a few Al-Anon meetings. Now, Al-Anon technically is for people who have a friend or family member “whose drinking or sobriety is bothering” the attendee. However, people in Al-Anon usually have very good experience with boundaries, and setting boundaries with compassion and detachment rather than a flamethrower. (Rage and resentment are completely understandable reactions, of course; it’s the decisions and actions taken I’m focusing on here.) You can share at the meeting in a general way about “my wife’s addiction” or talk to people afterward; I’d be surprised if at least a handful didn’t offer some practical, experienced suggestions.
  4. I would also look into a recovery program designed for precisely the issue you and your wife face: compulsive debting. Debtors Anonymous was created to help those who behave exactly like your wife. Here is their website, in case you want to go to a meeting to talk to some members for guidance or get some literature. You can, of course, mention this program to your wife, but I’d suggest you either go with her or go on your own to find out about one possible approach to treating this compulsive “debting.”

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You may decide these meetings are not right for you or your situation in the long run, but if you try and listen with an open mind, you will hopefully discover you’re not alone in this, and many individuals and couples have recovered from a seemingly hopeless situation.

Which brings me to the emotional side of this. After you’ve tried some or all of the above, you’ll want to sit down with your wife and say, in as caring a way as possible, you are very concerned and would like her to get help (as in couples counseling or individual therapy). If she refuses, you may bring up the other tough choices you’re looking at. The point is, the current situation is intolerable, and you’re taking action and suggest she does the same. (This way you’re both doing something, and she’s “following along” rather than being shamed or cajoled into anything.) In other words, you feel you both need to do something different or you’re both heading for the poorhouse. You can stress how much this is hurting you. (Use “I feel” rather than “you” statements; as in “I feel terrified,” “I feel hurt” by her unwillingness to stop, etc.) This is harder than it sounds, which is why the support for you is so crucial. Your wife may need your help if she first refuses help then later “hits bottom” in realizing she is in fact drowning.

You may be thinking “why is she doing this to me,” but that might not be necessarily the case, or the whole of it. She may need treatment for mania, or is avoiding some kind of trauma, or is somehow addicted to the powerful “high” of shopping (much more common in our hyper-materialist culture than people realize). But my bottom line for you, since you have so wisely reached out for help, is to stabilize and soothe yourself in the midst of this traumatic chaos, and then have the conversation with her or begin contemplating the hard decisions.

If you want more information or consultation, feel free to contact me. Thanks again for writing. I hope your wife agrees to get the help she needs.

Kind regards,
Darren

The holiday season is rife with the spoils of consumer culture as people flood malls and shopping centers searching for gifts, decorations, and foods to be purchased and shared at parties and gatherings. Vehicle traffic and stress levels go up while checking account balances go down, and some are left feeling drained and depleted. Others revel in the simple pleasure of buying presents and showing love in the form of gifts and other trinkets and treasures. And there is a beauty to it all—in the giving and receiving, the passing of plates, and the many buildings and homes decorated with strings of lights and holiday wreaths and other displays.

But at the core of these widely shared forms of celebration is a thread that runs through the masses, tying people together in the first-world dilemma known as materialism. Many are familiar with the dreaded sense of buyer’s remorse that often kicks in regarding an impulse purchase, which differs dramatically from the joy and relief experienced when finding that perfect present for a loved one. In the wake of an unnecessary and financially unwise purchase, a person may feel a range of negative emotions: guilt, shame, and self-loathing being a few examples.

Recent research suggests that, aside from its established negative effects on well-being, the impact of materialism extends to a person’s ability to process negative or traumatic events in life (Ruvio, Somer, and Rindfleisch, 2013). Basically, the researchers found that those who place great emphasis and importance on material wealth and possessions will respond to the mere threat of a crisis situation with unhealthy and materialistic coping mechanisms.

The research team, made up of professors from the University of Illinois, Michigan State University, and the University of Haifa, drew their conclusions by conducting a field study in Israel and a national survey in the United States. The information they gathered examined the experience of trauma-related stress and how it affects people’s consumerist habits of buying and spending.

“Materialistic people cope with bad events through materialistic mechanisms,” said Aric Rindfleisch, one of the researchers and a marketing professor in the University of Illinois’ College of Business. “When there’s a terrorist attack in Israel, people who are materialistic suffer higher levels of distress and are more likely to compensate for that through higher levels of compulsive and impulsive purchasing.”

The U.S. results showed that those who experienced large amounts of anxiety surrounding death mirrored the habits of those who lived in fear of terrorist attacks in Israel, and that both groups were prone to dealing with that stress through compulsive spending.

In a report on the study published in the Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science, Rindfleisch described materialism as a response to personal insecurities. He also discussed the comfort people experience through the simple act of shopping. “Retail therapy,” as he calls it, offers a “short-term fix” to largely unsolvable problems that are out of our immediate control.

If nothing else, it may be helpful for those in consumer-rich societies to be aware of this tendency as they move through the endless aisles of material goods and contemplate purchases during and after the holiday season.

 References:

  1. Medical News Today. (2013, November 28). Materialism makes bad events even worse. Retrieved from http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/269379.php
  2. Ruvio, A., Somer, E., and Rindfleisch, A. (2013, July). When bad gets worse: the amplifying effect of materialism on traumatic stress and maladaptive consumption. Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science. Abstract retrieved from http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11747-013-0345-6

AddictionAddiction occurs when a person becomes physically or psychologically dependent on a substance, thing, or activity, generally leading to withdrawal symptoms when it is unavailable. Many people engage in potentially addictive behaviors recreationally, but when those behaviors are abused to the point of interfering with day-to-day functioning at work, in the classroom, at home, or in relationships, it becomes a serious issue that may require intervention and treatment.

Faces & Voices of Recovery claims on its site that more than 21 million people experience addiction and are not yet in recovery, and according to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, approximately 17.6 million people in the United States experience alcohol abuse or dependence, along with millions more who partake in risky behaviors such as binge drinking. The all-consuming nature of addiction takes a physical, mental, and emotional toll on the addicted person and on those who love and care for him or her. It follows that recovering from addiction takes time, dedication, and support—and ultimately, the addicted person must be the one to summon the resolution and determination to make a full recovery.

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Thankfully, there are several resources available for coping with addiction, be it yours or that of someone you care about. We’ve compiled a list of the 10 best ones—GoodTherapy.org excluded—for 2013. As with our previous top 10 lists, our selections are based on quality and depth of content, presentation, and functionality.

Nominate another website for our Top 10 awards here.

woman-working-on-finances“I am indeed rich, since my income is superior to my expenses, and my expenses are equal to my wishes.” —Edward Gibbon

Self-love, self-respect, and self-compassion are all helpful when it comes to creating inner balance and a healthy outlook. They are also prerequisites for a good relationship with money. Interestingly, one’s relationship with money often mirrors one’s relationship with oneself, as changes in either affect the other. So, if you decide to do some financial house cleaning, you will reap rewards in increased self-confidence, self-respect, and self-compassion.

Let’s take a closer look at how that actually plays out. If you are saddled with debt, for example, you can easily feel stressed, self-doubting, insecure (both financially and emotionally), strained in your relationships, and limited in future plans. Luckily, though, there is something you can do about your fiscal situation, and it’s far easier than you might think. Read Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez; there is an updated version (2008) and the original (1999), both of which should be available at your local library. It is a quick, easy read that has the power to change your relationship with money. Unlike many books preaching financial freedom, this one really shifts your perspective on some essential levels. In other words, it is not about investing—it focuses on day-to-day choices and how they impact your present and future financial life.

Let’s take one example of how financial neglect can have deleterious effects on mental and fiscal health. We all know people who say they never balance their checkbook, which is fine if it works for them. However, I think a balanced checkbook can mirror a greater feeling of balance in other areas of life, as it can be one more area that feels under control. You can’t control whether your boss fires you, if the stock market falls, or whether you suddenly get sick; however, you can decide to consciously manage your money by taking the reins of your spending habits. Every dollar you don’t spend translates to less money you need to make, which lowers your stress level.

It is amazing how modern-day life has made past luxuries into necessities. I am certainly not exempt from these societal shifts, whether it is eating chocolate daily, watching what I want when I want from Netflix, or simply doing yoga any time of day or night. And I take all these luxuries for granted. That said, the chocolate doesn’t break the bank, I subscribe to Netflix because I cut my cable years ago and bought a Leaf antenna for a one-time fee of about $35 (which saves me a small fortune yearly), and my subscription to My Yoga Online costs me only pennies per class. The point is, by making some minor changes, I cut my expenses and still enjoy three daily pleasures. With just a little forethought and intention, it is possible to live well for less.

As counterintuitive, and almost shocking, as this next tidbit might seem, there is anecdotal evidence that doing your finances will relax you. Again, it is probably the increased sense of control and mastery that accrues as you handle your money in ways that provide more choices and fewer unknowns.

Paradoxically, among those choices is giving more away. By now, most people are familiar with the studies that show a greater sense of well-being comes from being charitable. The same pleasure centers light up in the brain when you are being generous as those that light up for food and sex. It need not be writing a check—it could be volunteering or simply giving things you aren’t using to people who need them. By developing a regular practice of sharing, you will not only be helping others, but getting an endorphin high and clearing out some clutter, leaving more space for all that lovely energy to flow.

Getting back to the original concept, the more you keep your fiscal house in order, the more you will feel self-loving, self-respecting, and self-compassionate. That, coupled with a slightly different spin on your true wealth, will help you resist impulse buying (no small feat in our current point-click-buy Internet culture), and encourage you to take joy in saving, planning, and consciously choosing your purchases.

Note: Much debt in America these days is from health expenses that most people simply can’t afford no matter how diligently they might have saved. Naturally, this article is not directed at fellow travelers in those challenging and anxiety-provoking situations.

A Young couple calculates their finances togetherUnresolved conflict about money can be a major factor in a couple’s decision to get a divorce. Learning to communicate effectively about money may be the best solution.

The ability to face, handle, and resolve conflict is a skill. Unfortunately it is usually not a skill we are taught in school. What we do learn about conflict, for better or worse, comes from observing how conflict was handled in our families growing up.

Some people may have grown up in homes where conflict was hidden; peace at all costs. No one dared take it on or discuss it. Differences lay silent for years. Conflict was swept under the rug and its existence denied. It may have been a quiet home, but there wasn’t deep and genuine closeness. Others may have experienced the opposite—a home where conflict reigned as king. Chronic conflict may have been driven by one or both parents. Maybe there were episodes of yelling, fighting, or sarcasm in which nothing was ever resolved and tension filled the air. Somewhere in between, there may have been homes where occasional fights occurred with raised voices, but parents made a consistent effort to come back and talk calmly about issues so they could come to a resolution, apologize, and make up.

What Did You Learn About Managing Conflict?

[fat_widget_relationships_right]Education about financial matters can be scant or non-existent. I recall learning how to write checks and balance a checkbook in high school; but learning about income, debt, what it costs to buy a home or raise children, how to budget, why saving is so important, how a 401K or a Roth IRA works, the difference between a bond and a mutual fund, how to diversify a portfolio, or how to make financial decisions were all gaps in my education. Now combine two people—who were raised with different money values and experiences—into a marriage. Can you see why trying to communicate about and handle money differences can wreak havoc on a marriage?

What emotions do you feel about money?
What did you learn about handling finances?
How about your partner?

Our seven tips to resolving money conflict is a method we have used ourselves and with couples in Couple to Couple Coaching©. Conflict resolution is a skill anyone can learn. You and your partner can practice this, and then teach it to your kids.

1. Take it on together – Face and embrace conflict around money; do not avoid it or endlessly argue and fight about it. Carve out some quiet time for the two of you to talk without interruption, even if you have to hire a babysitter. Agree that during the discussion you will remember that this is not about who is right and who is wrong, but about two people with different points of view coming to a consensus.

Don’t put a conflict between the two of you; put the problem on the chalkboard and solve it as a team.

2. Check your emotions – Money can be a highly charged issue. Agree that one of you will speak at a time. Use “I” statements so you own your point of view. While one person is speaking, the other person must listen for understanding, not for developing their response back. Listen deeply until you understand your partner’s point of view so well that you could defend them in court, even if you don’t agree with it. If the conversation heats up even a little, agree that you will stop talking for the moment.

If you get emotionally hijacked during conflict, separate to soothe your own emotions; then come back to continue the discussion.

3. Get the facts – When couples come in with money conflicts, we often find that only one of them really knows what is going on financially, or that the two of them have never sat down together and looked at the numbers. How much income comes in? What are the fixed and variable expenses? Get your financial facts in order. If you don’t know how, agree to go to a financial adviser or your accountant to get this information.

Part of the solution to money conflict may lie with the numbers; imagine your home is a family business and do a Profit & Loss statement.

4. Explore “who owns the money” – Most couples we have seen don’t have equal income. Maybe one partner is staying home with the kids and earns no income, or two partners earn substantially different amounts of income. What we see in practice is the one who earns the greater income or the sole income feels entitled to decide how the money is spent. Often, the one who earns less or no money feels deterred from spending the partner’s money. Here is how we look at it:

If you truly believe that the investment and synthesis of innumerable tasks is what creates a family—child care, shopping, doing laundry, cleaning, paying bills, managing finances, scheduling doctors appointments, making money—then it follows that return on investment, including income, belongs to the couple as equal partners.

5. Look for deeper meaning – Often, disagreements about money are not really what they seem. Each of us have very different feelings about money. Have a conversation with your partner about what positive and/or negative feelings money brings up for you. Here is a list to get you started:

Conflict over money can be a metaphor for a deeper struggle. Talk with your partner about what money may represent to each of you based on your experience with money in the past. Here are some possibilities:

It is easier to have understanding and empathy for our partner’s point of view if we understand what money represents to our partner.

Our feelings about money can be understood if we look at our money history. Don’t make your partner wrong for having his or her feelings.

6. Create consensus – Couples will never agree on all money expenditures or savings, so there is a need to compromise and come to consensus. Neither person may get it all their way, but both can live with the decision.

Money is just a means of exchange for what we value. Since value is in the eye of the beholder, there is no right or wrong purchase.

7. Agree to ongoing dialogue periodically – We live in a world where we can’t avoid dealing with money, so it is vital that couples embrace this as an ongoing issue that they need to discuss from time to time. We suggest you review your finances together at least quarterly so you learn to approach the issues of saving, spending, and investing as a team.

The way a couple handles financial conflict is a portal into the strength of their relationship. Learning to effectively communicate about money builds a couple’s “relationship muscles.”

As much as indulging in “retail therapy” can trigger a short-term giddy feeling, new research shows that some products actually work in the opposite manner: we buy them because they make us feel bad. A new study finds that beauty product marketing, in particular, makes female shoppers feel bad about their appearance by suggesting to women that without the product, they are not as attractive as they should be. The unrealistic appearance of air-brushed models has already been shown to have a negative affect on female self-esteem. But this study found that even packaging and advertisements without humans in the imagery had a negative psychological impact on female viewers.

GoodTherapy | Compulsive Spending: Take the Quiz and Understand the BehaviorHave you ever found yourself in a shopping mall, searching, with a slightly pounding heart, for something? Something to wear tonight, tomorrow, or for that next important meeting, or perhaps it’s something yet to be thought of, but you know you must need something, or at least you feel like you need something. Maybe you just want something new, what is the difference, right? You are just going to get it and then whatever is really going on will go away, maybe it’s not even that something tragic or problematic is happening, but your mind and emotional system has been wired so that you go shopping, and when you get a new object that will, in turn, whether you acknowledge this or not, assist you in getting rid of something, or help you “deal” with your feelings.

People who have found compulsive shopping to be an avenue of distraction use compulsive spending as an emotional regulation system. Compulsive spending is the thread or the glue that holds the emotional regulation system together when a person would typically “fall apart” or fragment.

Take the Compulsive Spending Quiz

If the scenario listed in the first paragraph sounds familiar, you may want to consider whether you tend toward compulsive buying. To do so, answer each of the following questions with “almost always,” “once in a while,” “infrequently,” or “not at all”:

  1. Do you buy things you want even if you know at that moment you do not have the money to pay for it?
  2. Is it difficult for you to save money?
  3. When you have some extra cash that you could save, do you think instead of other things you would like to buy?
  4. Do you cheer yourself up or give yourself a reward by going shopping?
  5. Does more than a third of your income go to pay credit card bills, not including rent or a mortgage payment?
  6. Have you had to move credit lines because you typically don’t have the money to pay off your credit line?
  7. Do you pay the minimum balance on your credit card most of the time?
  8. Are you inclined to keep buying more of your favorite things—clothes, makeup, CDs, books, computer software, electronic gadgets—even though you do not have a specific need for them?
  9. When and if you have to say no to yourself or control yourself from buying something you really want, do you feel intensely deprived, angry, or upset?

If you answered “always” and “once in a while” to at least four of these questions, you may have overspending tendencies. The last question is a particularly potent indicator of a serious problem; if you answered “always” or “once in a while” to question number 9, compulsive spending/shopping should be considered a real concern.

What’s Really Going On?

At the core of many compulsions and addictions lays the untouched, guarded emotional life. A person suffering from a hunger disease such as compulsive spending experiences anxiety because he or she wants something but cannot allow themselves to really know what it is. This knowing would perhaps be too painful to tolerate and hence the compulsion to spend becomes the method of soothing, a frantic race to kill off the thoughts, and acquiring objects of desire with a “magical” credit card, makes the soothing process easy. Then, once the objects are consumed or purchased, a sense of relief surfaces simultaneously along with negative thoughts toward the self for doing something so “stupid.” A repetitious cycle is created because the acquisition provides transient satisfaction, not long-term satiation, and it fuels the compulsion to buy increasingly. The wanting and anticipation of getting the new purse, shoes, or race car contains the most pleasure and is done repeatedly.

In fact, some people buy the same thing over and over, knowingly or not. For example, perhaps a person buys 20 pieces of the same fruit at each grocery store visit whether or not he or she needs them, because the purchase creates a feeling of safety, soothing, and containment over anxiety.

Compulsive spending becomes increasingly severe over time, just like other forms of addiction. Credit cards are maxed out and new cards are obtained until the damage is so severe that serious debt is what leads a person to seek some form of assistance or at least hit rock bottom, and then, get help or start the cycle once again. It is important to understand that the “habit” is not an intellectual problem, but an emotional problem, in the sense that the emotional regulatory system has gone awry and spending is what keeps the system held together.

In his book, Hunger Diseases, Raymond Bettegay defines hunger diseases as the emotional problems a person has based on a lack of self-esteem, so much so that they are driven to possess and consume people and or things in an addictive manner. However, no matter how much they get, it does not feel like enough. The hunger is insatiable. It is thought that these problems derive from childhood when the child’s hunger for closeness, warmth, and stimuli were either inadequately met or inordinately gratified, triggering a recurrent experience of insatiable hunger—a hole or emptiness that must be filled with a constant supply of something. Compulsive spending, too, develops to create homeostasis in an emotional world that seems scary, unstable, and uncertain. The process provides sustenance and recovery requires an intentional transition, just like transitioning a baby from a bottle or from nursing. Recovery requires being attentive to needs, feeling emotions, rather than suppressing them, and responding with insight and care.

Neurobiology and Addiction

Currently, research and clinical experience both indicate that there is no addiction center in the brain and no specific circuits strictly for an addictive purpose. However, the brain systems involved in addiction are among the key organizers and motivators of human emotional life and behavior, which is why addiction has a powerful hold over people. In the book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Gabor Mate designates the three major networks of the brain involved in addictive processes: the opioid apparatus, the brains natural narcotic—the dopamine system, the manager of incentive motivation functions—and the self-regulation system.

The less effective an opioid system is to provide love, pleasure, and pain relief, the more driven a person will be to seek joy or relief through compulsions perceived as rewarding, such as spending money for a new dress or makeup. The dopamine system is triggered during the origination and development of addictive behaviors, such as compulsive spending. The dopamine system is the main strengthener of compulsive spending behavioral patterns because desire, wanting, and craving are all incentive feelings managed by dopamine, while opioids are more responsible for the pleasure-rewards aspect of compulsive spending. Both the opioid circuits and dopamine pathways are important components of the emotional part of the brain. Emotions exist for a very basic purpose, according to Mate, to initiate and maintain activities necessary for survival. So, in essence, they regulate two drives that are essential to human beings: attachment and aversion.

The self-regulation system, technically known as the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), regulates how a person processes and reacts to emotions. In compulsive spenders, the OFC emotionally overvalues an object of desire or the act of spending, making it the main concern for the compulsive shopper, and sadly, the only concern. The OFC also undervalues other objectives, like making rent, providing for oneself and family members. By becoming triggered even at the thought of a new purse or sunglasses, the OFC encourages craving and neglects its job of impulse control (Mate, 2010).

References:

  1. Battegay, Raymond, MD. (1997). Hunger Diseases. New York: Jason Aronson, Inc.
  2. Mate, Gabor, MD. (2010). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books
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