Masks Off, Anxiety Up: Dealing with No-Mask Anxiety

After over a year of covering their faces, Americans across the country were told they could breathe freely earlier this year as mask mandates were lifted. 

Unfortunately, the return to “normal” life hasn’t been smooth sailing for everyone. In fact, nearly half of Americans admit they have concerns about resuming in-person interactions, according to the American Psychological Association.  

It appears as though the mental health issues brought about by the pandemic aren’t going away anytime soon. 

Indeed, “no-mask anxiety” is real, and folks all over America are worried about life returning to the way it was before the pandemic. 

What Is No-Mask Anxiety? 

Like the name suggests, no-mask anxiety is a condition where people are scared about the prospect of taking off their masks in public.  

Those affected by no-mask anxiety feel uneasy when they themselves don’t wear a face covering, and they can also be uncomfortable around others who are not wearing masks. 

People of all ages can suffer from no-mask anxiety, including kids who are not yet vaccinated. 

Worried you might be suffering from no-mask anxiety? Don’t be. Doctors say it’s completely normal — and will likely be an increasingly common diagnosis as we move further into the post-pandemic world.  

The Why Behind No-Mask Anxiety  

On top of general uncertainty about the future, there are a few reasons why folks might develop no-mask anxiety: 

It’s become a habit.  

Imagine Henry, a 45-year-old father of two.  

For the first 44 years of his life, Henry never wore a mask. All of a sudden, in 2020, he wore a mask every day, each time he stepped out of his house.  

Since research says it takes an average of 66 days to develop a new habit, it comes as no surprise that Henry now feels more or less “naked” without a mask on. 

It feels like a security blanket. 

Throughout the pandemic, masks have served as our front line of protection against the virus. While vaccinations are helping the world safely move past the pandemic, many still feel comforted by wearing a mask and were planning on wearing them for the foreseeable future. 

Then, suddenly, the CDC updated its guidelines and said that folks who were fully vaccinated could return to pre-pandemic life. Expecting to wear a mask for some time and being told it was no longer required has been a difficult adjustment for many people. 

“The only time I don’t have mine up is when I’m at home or driving my car,” Jenny Krislov, a resident of Madison, Wisconsin, told Spectrum News 1. “It almost feels like my security blanket.”  

Krislov doesn’t only wear the mask to protect herself. She also wears it to protect her loved ones. 

Unmasking can exacerbate social anxiety. 

Those who have social anxiety live in fear that their peers will judge them for awkward or abnormal behavior in social settings. Simply put, people with social anxiety do everything they can to act “normal” and fit in with the crowd. 

As the pandemic began, these individuals might have been hesitant to put their masks on in the first place out of concern they’d get weird looks. However, ever since masks were mandated and the vast majority of people complied, they were happy to mask up.  

Now, as we transition to a post-pandemic world, social anxiety may be a bit higher than normal, according to David Moscovitch, a professor at the University of Waterloo. People who were nervous to be in public might have felt some comfort in being able to hide their faces. But in order to fit in now, they need to reveal their faces — which is causing some people to develop no-mask anxiety.  

“Many people who didn’t struggle with social anxiety before the pandemic may find themselves feeling more anxious than usual as we emerge out of the pandemic and into a more uncertain future — especially within social situations where our social skills are rusty and the new rules for social engagement are yet to be written,” Moscovitch wrote in a recent paper. 

Social anxiety got you shut down and isolated, hyper-vigilant and self-critical, or any other way that is blocking your path to a peaceful, full life? Don’t let anxiety define you. Reach out to a therapist near you today for help.

Resilience and Growing Through Change: How to Conquer No-Mask Anxiety 

If you’re impacted by no-mask anxiety, you need to remember there’s nothing to be ashamed about. None of us have ever lived through a pandemic at the scale of COVID-19 before, so we will all need to adapt to varying degrees. 

If you’re looking to conquer your no-mask anxiety, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

1. Take your time.

Just because other people aren’t wearing masks doesn’t mean you have to take yours off, too. 

Doctors say there’s nothing wrong with taking your time to ease back into a more open world. 

“You can pick a safe place with safe people, and just gradually go from there,” Dr. Eric Berko of MetroHealth Medical Center told Cleveland’s Fox 8 News. “Keep a mask in your pocket. It’s OK if you feel uncomfortable, just put it on. There’s no harm or shame in any of that. Gradually get yourself out there, and I think you’ll start to feel better and better.”

2. Force yourself to be social.

As Robert Frost once wrote, the only way out is through. 

If you find yourself saying no to social gatherings or wanting to keep your face mask on in supermarkets and retail shops, try to force yourself to do the opposite. 

“Catch yourself when you’re choosing to avoid even when you aren’t being forced to do so by pandemic-related restrictions,” Moscovitch said. “Do your very best to summon the courage to push yourself to enter those situations and confront your anxiety.” 

3. Find resilience.

According to Brené Brown, people who are resilient in the face of trauma tend to practice three specific acts: 

• The Reckoning, where they admit that they’re feeling different feelings 
• The Rumble, where they conduct a reality check on the narratives surrounding their struggles 
• The Revolution, where they rewrite their stories and transform their mindset on a foundational level 

If you’re struggling with no-mask anxiety — or any other effect of the pandemic — remember that you don’t have to wrestle the issue entirely on your own. 

Start your search for a therapist who can guide you through your struggle and help you live a more fulfilling life today. 

by Katherine French-Ewing, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado

What Are YOUR Ripple Effects?

The other day, I was in the grocery store people-watching (a favorite pastime). I noticed a disturbing trend – heads down, eyes averted, super-weary body language, people silently walking around as if under a spell. My heart wept to see the disconnection. The ripple effects of this pandemic are real.

With your mask on, are you still connecting with others, making eye contact and smiling with your eyes? Or are you, like most of us, going into an auto-pilot, “find what I need and get out” mentality? To offer levity and joy, I try to go out of my way to verbally connect with people while shopping or running errands. It’s funny how diverse the responses are – surprise, delight, relief… always positive, though. I want the ripple effects of how I show up to be life-giving. 

Pandemic Ripple Effects

Have you found yourself sleepwalking through life lately? Phrases I hear frequently from new clients are “I am just trying to survive” and “I feel numb, like I don’t have time to feel anything” or “I feel ______(fill in the blank) all the time and it gets worse if I am in public.” A core part of our humanity is to yearn to be seen, heard, and to know that our existence matters. The challenge is affirming these pieces in others even when you feel less-than-affirmed yourself.  

Am I Seen?

This is our cry for uniqueness. Ever noticed how some people are making or buying blinged-out masks so they can wear something that stands out? Perhaps it is because they want to be recognized as someone who brings something unique to the table. With everyone in masks, we are slowly being desensitized to the non-verbal signals around us, sometimes resulting in a deep sense of disconnect and division. Intentional connection with those around you can overcome this phenomenon; compliment them or offer a smile so they know you see them.

Am I Heard?

With so many voices being silenced in social media today and so much content being censored, those who had been struggling pre-pandemic to believe the truth — that their voice matters — easily fall into despondent, defeatist mindsets. Find your tribe and offer your voice there in that safe space. If you feel fired up about something, consider what steps you can take to share your opinion where it will be taken seriously and respected. Your story and your perspective matter.

Do I Matter?

Your life is significant in ways you are not even aware of. Do what lights you up, and do it with all your heart. We are drawn to those who are walking in step with their values and passions. Perhaps what you are bringing into the light inspires someone else to step out courageously. When you are stuck fixating on your life circumstances, widen your scope and seek out those in need. Meet that need the best way you can and watch what happens within your heart and community. Serving others brings purpose to your life in a deeply meaningful way. The gifts, passions, and skills you can offer are unique and greatly needed.

Choose Your Ripple Effects

Think of the image of a beautifully still lake. If we throw a heavy object into that water, what happens? Think of those ripples as your decisions and thoughts every day. Are they having a positive, neutral, or negative effect on others? Today, I challenge you to gently consider what your ripple effects are in this season. Maybe even journal about it or chat with a trusted friend or family member for feedback. If your effects aren’t aligned with your values and the core of who you are, then maybe it is worth re-evaluating how you are showing up in this world. If you had a positive ripple effect on others consistently, how would your life feel and look? Connecting with a professional who is for your growth, who offers a compassionate, objective perspective, can be a game-changing experience. Your life matters. Your impact on others matters.

Working with a therapist to deal with the ripple effects of the pandemic on your life could be the best way for you to grow. Many therapists, like Katherine, offer free initial consultations so you can ensure a good fit. Search therapists in your area and find the right-fit therapist for you!

By Shannon Mosher, Licensed Professional Counselor

Top 3 Best Ways of Preventing Misbehavior in Children—Homeschool Edition

There are myriad reasons parents choose to homeschool their children: parental control over the pace and approach to subjects; more flexible schedules and routines; more opportunities for children to develop discipline; faster progress with one-on-one learning; customized approach for a student with special needs—the list of reasons goes on and on. Parents have been choosing homeschooling over public education for as long as public education has existed. However, many parents in the last year did not choose to have their children learn from home. That decision was made for them.

The COVID-19 pandemic forced public school systems—and many other schools—to move their classes onto online learning platforms to safeguard the health of students, teachers, school faculty, and their families. For many parents of these children, this was uncharted territory—they were not used to having their children at home 24/7. This new situation came with many new challenges. No longer were public school teachers responsible for dealing with their children’s misbehavior throughout the day; it was now the responsibility of the parent.

Many parents are still struggling with this aspect of schooling children at home and may not know what to do or where to start. If you’re in this group and still experience some frustration with having your child at home 24/7, here are three of the best ways to prevent misbehavior and have an easier homeschooling experience.

#1: Give Your Child Choices

When it’s time for your child to do chores, eat a meal, or participate in other activities, giving them options to choose from is an excellent way to build trust and respect. The ability to make their own decisions gives children agency, something that they are always striving to develop as they grow. Remember: a growing sense of autonomy is natural, appropriate, and healthy as children mature.

Here are two key guidelines parents ought to remember when giving choices to their kids:

• Try not to overwhelm your child with too many choices. Instead, give them just two options: “Would you like to wash the dishes or wipe down the countertops?” Children are more likely to accept a chore when they are able to choose the task themselves rather than have it imposed upon them by an authority figure. The same is true for meals and even recreational activities—as long as you’re consistent and provide choices to your child regularly, they will not push back against you as much as they would if you imposed your decisions upon them.
• When children question your decisions, refuse to comply, or exhibit misbehavior, it is usually an effort to test boundaries. If you give them choices one day but none the next, it can be confusing for the child and lead them to test just how much power they have in their lives. Be sure to maintain consistency in order to avoid this confusion and prevent frustration in both you and your child.

#2: Set Boundaries with Your Child

As stated before, children are constantly testing limits and boundaries. This may sound like a bad thing, but it’s a natural and important part of the growing up process that helps them to become more independent. 

Setting limits won’t completely remove misbehavior like arguments or backtalk, but it can significantly reduce such behavior. Clear boundaries can keep your child from testing them as much (though they will always be testing them). Providing consequences will reinforce those boundaries and expectations.

So, how can you establish boundaries with your child?

• Teach them how to express themselves in a kind and respectful manner.
• Don’t negotiate with your child or allow long discussions on why something must be done. Instead, outline consequences that they will be better able to understand.
• Be consistent with boundary-setting.
• Be clear about what is non-negotiable: rules that must be followed, such as safety rules.
• Follow through on the consequences.

#3 Create Morning and Evening Routines

The life of a child is one of constant change; it’s confusing, unpredictable, and even scary. This uncertainty often leads to misbehavior as the child fights to feel some sense of control amid this uncertainty. By establishing habits and routines, you can clarify your child’s roles and responsibilities at key times of the day. 

Providing your child with a sense of certainty about how parts of their day will go can help them feel safe and secure and may even allow them to thrive. Routines are an excellent way to develop that sense of security and diminish control-seeking misbehavior. Establish these habits slowly by focusing on just one part of the day.

Using visual reminders such as checklists can help foster a sense of discipline in your child and lead them to finish their tasks without requiring any prompting from you. In addition to creating routines, you should use boundaries and consequences to reinforce those routines (“If you don’t complete the checklist, you don’t get your allowance this week.”)

Note that, while routines are important and effective, it’s okay for parents to deviate from time to time in order to demonstrate flexibility. 

Conclusion

The great thing about these methods is that they are interdependent and form a coherent, effective system for reducing misbehavior, creating healthy habits and routines, and developing discipline in children while they are at home. It won’t be easy, but over time you will have a much-improved homeschooling experience!

Struggling with pandemic-era parenting demands? You’re not the only one. To find a therapist who can help you navigate these concerns, search for a therapist in your area and filter your results by Common Specialties > All other issues > Parenting.

Understanding human motivation has been one of the goals of psychology founding fathers and current theorists to date. Motivation is often at the core of studying psychological processes in humans and understanding why we do the things we do.

Motivation is defined as “the process of arousing, directing, and maintaining behavior toward a goal” (Greenberg, 2002). Although this definition seems simple, human motivation is often more complex. In light of the current crisis situation we all find ourselves in amid the COVID-19 pandemic, how can one understand their own motivations and the motivations of others?

One way to understand this is to apply a classic theory of human motivation: Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The basic premise of the theory is that “people will not be happy or well-adjusted unless they have their needs met” (Greenberg, 2002). Not only are humans motivated by meeting their needs, but their needs are ordered in such a way that if basic needs aren’t met first, then humans will not have the motivation to meet needs that aren’t considered basic. Basic needs are described as lower-order needs, while needs beyond basic are described as higher-order needs.

Motivation and the Five Stages of Needs

In order to understand these hierarchical needs in light of the COVID-19 pandemic, let’s look at each need individually.

1. Physiological needs

The lowest order needs involve satisfying biological needs such as water, shelter, and food. Not only does this level of need require meeting basic needs, but it also requires that one’s body is healthy. A healthy body is also achieved through the proper amount of sleep, exercise, and appropriate balance of healthy foods, free of toxic substances.

2. Safety needs

Once one’s basic needs are met, Maslow believed that the next level of needs are triggered in an individual. The need for safety includes functioning in an environment that is physically and psychologically safe. In addition, the environment must be free of harm or perceived harm.

3. Social needs

These needs are activated once the first two needs are met. According to Maslow’s theory, if the first two needs are not met, then the person will not be activated to achieve higher order needs such as social needs. This need involves feeling loved by others and belonging to a social group. As social beings, humans have the need to connect with others.

4. Esteem needs

Once one feels accepted by their peers, the next higher-order need can be activated. The esteem need is characterized by feeling successful and having others recognize one’s accomplishments.

5. Self-actualization needs

The highest-order need for humans, once all of the above needs are met, is self-actualization. This need involves pursuing one’s maximum level of creativity and becoming all that one is intended to be.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and the COVID-19 Pandemic

1. Physiological needs during COVID-19

The current state of our world right now has caused many people to be motivated by more basic needs than they were before this pandemic. Due to the fact that many people’s employment situations have changed, meeting basic needs might now be more of a priority than it was before.

In addition, now that many people are on stay-at-home orders, the option of going to the gym or other things that one typically does to stay physiologically healthy might not be available at this time. Finding creative ways to keep yourself healthy might be all that you can focus on right now, and that is okay.

Do

Try to meet your basic needs first.

Don’t

Engage in activities that are unhealthy for the body and the mind.

2. Safety needs during COVID-19

If you are fortunate enough to not have to worry about meeting your basic physiological needs during this crisis, you are now motivated to achieve safety. For some, depending on the area you live in and the rate of infection, staying safe and keeping your family safe is your main motivation right now, and that makes the most sense. In addition, if you are an essential worker or married to an essential worker or medical professional, you will most likely be striving to meet this safety need throughout the crisis.

Do

Educate yourself about the facts about the rate of infection in your area.

Don’t

Put pressure on yourself to achieve higher order needs.

3. Social needs during COVID-19

Perhaps you are fortunate enough to have your basic needs met. Given your current profession and financial situation, this crisis has not greatly affected your basic needs or your safety needs. You most likely live in an area that is not dense in population or rate of infection.

Based on this, you can now focus on having your social needs met. During the current social distancing orders, it might be hard to achieve this goal. If you are at home with a loving family, these needs are met by them. If you are in a home with others, but the environment is not connected, then this time may be particularly challenging for you.

Do

Attempt to connect with others in your home daily through family activities. Attempt to connect with others outside of your home through virtual means such as FaceTime, group chats, and positive social media outlets.

Don’t

Ignore the attempts for connection from healthy members of your family.

Don’t

Assume that passive involvement in social media is satisfying social needs.

4. Esteem needs during COVID-19

If you are fortunate enough to have your basic, safety, and social needs met during this time of crisis, your next motivation on the order of needs (according to Maslow) is the need to achieve success and have others recognize your achievements. During this time, these types of needs might not be able to be met because many members of our culture are focused on meeting more basic needs. If you are currently working, you might be having these needs met by supervisors or peers. If you are in a loving home, perhaps your family members are encouraging you in your efforts at quarantine.

Do

Encourage family members and other peers in their current efforts at surviving this pandemic.

Do

Consider giving back to others who are struggling to meet basic needs. Altruism or the act of giving back to others in need was associated with “better life adjustment, better marital adjustment, and less hopelessness and depression” (Southwick & Charney, 2018). This might be a way to meet your esteem needs while also giving back to others who are working hard on the front lines of this pandemic.

Don’t

Meet your esteem needs through others’ achievements, especially your children. According to Maslow, a human can only meet these high order needs through their own accomplishments. Basing your happiness on how your children are doing puts too much pressure on them, especially during a time of such uncertainty.

5. Self-actualization needs during COVID-19

According to Maslow, this need occurs when all other needs are met sufficiently. In the light of the current crisis that most of the nation is facing right now, the majority of people are not able to focus on these higher-order needs.

Do

Be creative about how you can give back to and help others who are struggling.

Don’t

Assume that all others are able to focus on their creativity at this time.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one theory in many theories of human motivation. Some critics have questioned his theory, and like any theory in psychology, there are other competing theories of motivation. If you are interested in this topic, you can also check out this article.

If you are finding yourself struggling to cope during this time, consider finding a therapist in your area or online.

References:

1. Greenberg, J. (2002). Managing behavior in organizations. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall
2. Southwick, S. M., & Charney, D. S. (2012). Resilience: The science of mastering life’s greatest challenges. New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.

Even those in emotionally healthy homes are feeling the strain of so much togetherness at this time of uncertainty and social distancing. But for some, this is their worst nightmare. Distance is the primary strategy for many victims of domestic violence.

Now that a large portion of Americans have been asked to stay home to fight the spread of the novel coronavirus, many victims are finding themselves trapped with their emotional, sexual, or physical abuser. While there are no easy answers to this very complicated situation, I have listed some tips to try to address the issue. If you are concerned but not sure if abuse is happening in your home, learn more about abuse here.

What to Do If You’re Stuck at Home with an Abusive Partner or Family Member

1. Seek shelter with someone else.

If possible and safe, find an excuse to stay with another close family member or friend. Maybe they need help with working from home or with their children. Maybe your kids need a play date with another child. Maybe you need to take food to someone who can’t cook for themselves. Find a reason to get out, at least for a while.

2. Stay prepared.

Hide an extra car key, jacket, credit card, and walking shoes. Keep your phone charged. If things escalate, you need a way to leave. Planning ahead is essential because when you are under pressure with adrenaline pumping though your brain, you may not be able to think as clearly.

3. Avoid escalating things with the abuser.

Many arguments escalate faster (and may become violent more quickly) when a victim tries to explain themselves. Let the abuser believe false things about you, i.e., “You always…,” “You never…,” “You think that…,” “You didn’t keep your word about…,” “I always give you…” “I do everything for you, you don’t…,” etc. Let them see you incorrectly, at least for the time you are stuck at home.

Editor’s note: If your abuser has ever been violent, or you think they may become violent, this is not a suggestion to allow or put up with harm. If you are in danger, leave the situation and/or seek help from someone you trust as soon as you judge it safe to do so.

4. Don’t seek resolution.

Remember this won’t be the last fight. Often abusers rope victims in to arguments threatening that “This is the last fight, or…”. You will most likely have this argument again. If they threaten to leave or divorce, remember they will probably say it again in the future. This won’t be the last argument. Allow the tension to not be resolved. Don’t chase them to “understanding” you or your perspective.

5. Reach out to people you can trust.

Tell people who care about you. This is the time to reach out to those who love you. If you don’t have trusted friends and family, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Many therapists are also offering phone or Skype sessions during this crisis. Some counselors are even offering discounted therapy sessions during the pandemic. Search for a trustworthy therapist here.

6. Practice self-care.

Take care of your emotions. Exercise, listen to music, play video games, go for walks, garden, do creative projects, or join online groups. Your feelings are legitimate. You are not overreacting.

7. Avoid being trapped.

Try not to be stuck in a car with the abuser. Try to avoid confined places where you can’t leave.

8. Don’t let your abuser pull you back in to arguing.

When you stop responding in an argument, don’t get pulled back in by, “See, you don’t care, you’re just walking away,” “There you go giving up on us,” “Come back here, I’m not done talking to you,” or “See, you’re not interested in resolving this!” Walk away anyway. Don’t explain why.

9. Remember the abuse is not your fault.

Remember an abuser isn’t abusive because they don’t understand you or the facts, they are abusive because of who they are. And no matter what you do or don’t do, say or don’t say, you can’t change them.

10. Get help if you feel threatened.

Go to a neighbor’s home or call 911 or trusted local law enforcement if you feel threatened. There are many domestic violence safe houses that can pick you up and keep you safe from your abuser and help you with legal issues like restraining orders.

You Deserve Compassion, So Give Some to Yourself

Remember to be kind to yourself. You did not cause anyone to treat you in an abusive way. You deserve respect and safety no matter how you have reacted in the past.

Don’t hold anything over your own head. You are not to blame for someone else’s behavior.