One of the least talked-about aspects of dreaming is emotions. These strange creatures have stirred up many a restless night in the form of fear, anger, or despair. They take many shapes in our dreams: a large, poisonous snake ready to strike; a homeless woman yelling profanities; a deep chasm ready to swallow the unsuspecting. In these moments, we can flee, fight, or surrender. Each action (or inaction) has its consequence and connection with how we move through waking life.

Emotions as Guides

Emotions are not just a part us but the center of creation and what makes us human. Sitting with emotions, without judgment, can have a profound, transformative effect on the mind, body, and spirit. Emotions have the power to heal.

Recognizing our emotions is not always easy, and to name them in the body can be daunting. Often, there is a disconnection out of shame or denial. Expressing emotions, especially anger, is often too scary in the heated moments of waking life, let alone in dreams and nightmares. (“Where did THAT come from?”)

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In Spirituality and the Gentle Life, Adrian van Kaam speaks of this disconnection with our emotions so eloquently. He grew up in a community that did not tolerate anger in any way, so he feared expressing his emotions, even with people who supported him. If we can express both gentleness and anger with the people we trust, we can develop healthier ways of expressing these emotions. If we don’t have that opportunity, we can either talk with a friend or write it out. Van Kaam notes, “Once anger and aggression are out in the open, I can cope with them.” In other words, by recognizing anger and its origins, we are in a better place to work with them and develop healthier relationships.

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The Power of Identifying Emotions

I have found working with dreams can be a gentle yet powerful gateway for healing, especially when it comes to identifying and working with emotions. The label of being “too emotional” carries a stigma in this culture as being weak or “out of control,” so we often suppress feelings by intellectualizing them. Sitting with, naming, and later embodying the emotion before making judgments is a powerful map to tracking emotional patterns in waking life.

A good place to begin when working with emotions in dreams is to name them. Dream specialist and author Justina Lasley explains in her book Wake Up to Your Dreams, “Emotions are so key to dreamwork. If you want to make the greatest change in your life, go to the place of your greatest fear. Dreams help you do that.” There is often a struggle with this exercise for that reason. It’s not easy to go to those dark places. I’ll hear things like “confusion” and “frustration” as responses in a session. But with gentle coaxing and exploration, people in therapy usually get to the core of their emotions. For example, what was labeled “confusion” may actually be fear and “frustration” may really be anger.

By naming our emotions, we can feel and therefore “own” them in the body. An image can also be created and then dialogued with, which Carl Jung calls active imagination. For example, a person might feel rage in a dream that stems from the head. If the emotion arises spontaneously—say, as an image of a tiger ferociously clawing the dreamer’s skull—it can later be dialogued with. Engaging with the emotion and allowing it to speak often brings potent information for the dreamer to work with.

Dialoguing with Emotions in Dreams: A Case Study

Letting emotions arise naturally can also have a strong effect on the therapeutic relationship. John Welwood’s words in Awakening the Heart resonated with me. He writes, “Venting emotions may be necessary along the way … but what often seems to release an emotional tangle is not catharsis per se, but letting our feelings speak to us and reveal what they are asking us to look at.” In other words, it is important to sit with and embody emotions before making judgments so we can have a better understanding of their origins and what they can teach us. This statement is so enlightening in terms of suppressing feelings with thoughts and not allowing emotions to come in because we fear them.

This “holding without judgment” had a profound effect on one of my clients when we worked on her emotions using the active imagination technique, which in turn revealed a belief system she has held for years. I had asked her to name an emotion that came up for her in one of her dreams of a skinny little girl trapped in a dark cave. She was able to locate that feeling somatically in her heart and belly. My client had worked on this image before and was willing to take it a step further by dialoguing with the little girl to see what came up. What surprised us both was what the little girl called herself.

Me: “What’s your name?”

Client: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you could give yourself a name, what would it be?”

Client, perking up: “Joy!”

I have found working with dreams can be a gentle yet powerful gateway for healing, especially when it comes to identifying and working with emotions.

After the dialogue, the client was stunned by the name the little girl had chosen. This brought up a limiting feeling the client had created for herself: she often felt guilty for feeling good or joyful. Thus, the little girl, Joy, was not being nourished or cared for but instead hiding in a dark cave. What Joy wanted was for the client to check in from time to time and to be received. Afterward, we were both moved to tears by the experience.

Engaging with the emotions and allowing them to speak yielded some incredible information for the client to work with. It was also a humbling experience in terms of removing judgment and preconceived notions as to where this needed to go and allowing the process to enfold organically.

As to actively engaging in emotions versus suppressing our judgment of them, it was not surprising to note which interventions didn’t work. One such occasion was when I already had a goal in mind before we began the dialogue with Joy. I said to my client before we even talked to her, “All she has to do is get out of the cave.” Oh, really? How presumptuous of me!

“Immerse yourself in this place, what it feels like to be this little girl. You are this little girl,” I told my client. “How scared and lonely and looking at the sun. Imagine what that would be like as this little girl. The sadness in the heart and below the belly. Skinny body. Not being nourished in this dark cave. All she has to do is walk out.”

What arose for me was the need to fix the situation by saving Joy. Let’s bring her out of the cave! So obvious! This, of course, was my ego stepping in and wanting to be the heroine by saving the girl. There was resistance, of course. By setting the preconceived goal, I had put the pressure on wanting a future outcome rather than being present to trust what comes up naturally. I could feel the anxiety in my body as we moved through this process because I was worried it would fail somehow. I later realized my role was to receive and be supportive of her journey and not try to dictate or fix it. I didn’t have to “do” anything. In fact, Joy told us herself, “I want to be honored, acknowledged, received.”

Working with emotions is invaluable for inner growth, but even more so in terms of being humble before the great work. In alchemy, emotions are like the various stages of transformation in creating the philosopher’s stone. By actively engaging in each phase/emotion, we are trusting in the process as it unfolds naturally and therefore are transformed by it.

Diane Shainberg’s “Teaching Therapists How to Be with Their Clients” is one of my favorite articles in Awakening the Heart. She touches on the profound effects of allowing the process to be the guide rather than our egos, which includes being actively engaged with our emotions: “There is a key transformation in the supervisee when he is open to observing his patient as is, letting his patient be, dropping previously held judgments of himself and the patient, loosening ideas on how the therapy should go … the being is the doing.”

When we let go of judgment, get out of the way, and trust in the process, we can heal by cherishing who we truly are. If you’re interested in exploring your dreams and using them for your own healing, contact a therapist in your area who specializes in dreamwork.

References:

1. Jung, C.G. (1973). Memories, dreams and reflections. New York, NY: Vintage Books.
2. Lasley, J. (2017). Wake up to your dreams: Transform your relationships, career, and health while you sleep. Beijing: Double Spiral Publications.
3. Van Kaam, A. (1994). Spirituality and the gentle life. Pittsburgh, PA: Epiphany Association.
4. Walsh, R., & Vaughan, F. (Eds.). (1993). Paths beyond ego: The transpersonal vision. Los Angeles, CA: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Perigee.
5. Welwood, J. (editor) (1983). Awakening the heart: East/West approaches to psychotherapy and the healing relationship. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications.

Dear GoodTherapy.org,

Sleep is supposed to be restful, right? For a few years now, my nights have been anything but. I wake up exhausted because my dreams are more tiring than being awake. They typically involve a chase of some sort, sometimes by car or boat, but usually on foot. It always feels like I’m trying to move in mud, or like there are invisible arms holding me back when I try to run, and I can never get anywhere as fast as I think I can. When I try to shout in a dream, my voice comes out muffled and restrained. Very often, water is a prominent feature in my dreams—enormous pools, open seas, or floods.

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These dreams are becoming more and more violent, too. Though I almost never die in my dreams, the situation occasionally comes close. I find myself encountering and using weapons I’ve never even touched in real life, let alone used against someone. But my dreams present scenarios in which I must fight for my life, sometimes to the death. 

I am not a violent person, and the thought of killing someone, even in my dreams, horrifies me. I do feel stressed quite a bit in life, and I imagine that’s a big factor in my dreams. But it’s not like I’m encountering life-or-death scenarios or anything. My life is not filled with violence. I have never been to war. I do not play, and never have played, violent video games. Sometimes I watch scary movies or TV shows, but even those don’t fill me with the kind of terror I experience in my dreams. 

I’m growing weary of the trauma of dodging bullets in my dream life. I’ll take any hint or suggestion for how to calm my dream state, whether it’s to eat more leafy green vegetables or stop wearing socks. —Wildest Dreams

Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist

Dear Wildest Dreams,

First of all, thank you for reaching out. I have much compassion for people experiencing nightmares, especially because our brains and bodies physiologically react as if the experience is happening in waking life. Losing sleep also affects memory, everyday responses, and overall health. The good news is nightmares are normal part of human development and are often exaggerated so we may remember them. Dream pioneer Jeremy Taylor writes, “All dreams speak a universal language and come in the service of health and wholeness. There is no such thing as a ‘bad dream’—only dreams that sometimes take a dramatically negative form in order to grab our attention.” In other words, nightmares are a healthy way for us to work through whatever life-changing event or deep internal changes we are going through so we can tend to their messages. Once we face our fears, become engaged with the emotions, and tend to the dream material, we can “transform the energy.”

Take comfort in knowing that when we remember a dream, it means we can do something about it.

Here are some thoughts on the particular themes in your dreams that might shed some light on what may be going on in your waking life. It is important to note that although humans share a “collective memory,” we are also individuals. To truly engage fully with a dream, one must be mindful of these nuances, including personal associations, experiences, and emotional content.

Take comfort in knowing that when we remember a dream, it means we can do something about it.

Chased or Attacked by Someone or Something

The “chase” dream is a common one, especially with women who feel particularly vulnerable in waking life. Often the dreamer is being chased by an ominous being (or beings), which could be anything from “the dark figure” with no recognizable features to monstrous entities such as dinosaurs or zombies. It is important to note who or what is doing the chasing, paying close attentions to the characteristics. Who are you killing? What types of weapons are you using? If it is a vampire, are you dealing with lifeless bloodsucking energy in your life? Perhaps there are parts or patterns that need “killing off” in terms of character traits/people/situations/habits in your life that are no longer working for you. 

Feeling of Paralysis or Heaviness

These types of dreams are common because there is an actual physiological paralysis that occurs naturally during the REM (rapid eye movement) stage in sleep so the dreamer does not physically act out dreams (and hurt somebody!). Sometimes this state might seep into dreams as the condition of not being able to walk, run, or move, especially when in danger. It could also be a symbol of feeling helpless or stuck in a situation in waking life. 

Water in Dreams

The big wave, pool, or flood in a dream is pretty common, and it often indicates either some emotional overwhelm in the dreamer’s waking life or “big material” coming out of the unconscious. Am I feeling overwhelmed? Am I not tending to my emotions? 

Recurring Nightmares and Emotions

You mentioned the nightmares began years ago. I would explore if there was any particular event that happened when the nightmares began. One of the main symptoms of trauma is the affliction of frequent or recurring nightmares.

In my experience as a therapist specializing in dreams, I have noticed that the more engaged a person is in the healing work, the deeper the healing that can take place. This includes getting support from a professional who is trained in working with nightmares and dream analysis.

Warm regards,

Linda

Have you ever had a dream so powerful it changed your life? You are not alone. Over the years, I have worked deeply with people and their dreams, and I’ve discovered that, in many instances, these “big dreams” will appear under the heels of life transitions, questioning of identity, and major losses such as the death of a loved one or a breakup. The dream is often of an initiatory nature where the dreamer is highly impacted and the experience life-altering.

What Is an Initiatory Theme?

If we look at the stories we grew up with, we find many motifs that point to initiation. In most myths, the protagonist is faced with a situation that completely transforms them. They may have been swallowed by a sea monster (Jonah and the Whale, Pinocchio) or sent into the underworld or underbelly of Mother Earth (Persephone, Inanna, White Buffalo Calf Woman).

Others may have been dismembered and put together again (Handless Maiden, Skeleton Woman, Osiris), struck by lightning, or visited by a guide in the shape of an animal, spirit, or ancestor (Thor, Gandalf, Thunderbird).

For others still, their rite of passage may have been an illness, animal bite, or near-death experience that evoked superpower abilities (Catwoman, Spiderman, Wolverine).

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Why Do We Have Initiatory Dreams?

These themes are the language of the psyche, and in our modern times we are sadly removed from the initiatory practices and rituals of our ancestors. It is the dream (the final frontier!) that bestows us access to “soul knowledge,” namely in the form of big dreams.

Coined by Carl Jung, these dreams evoke high emotional intensity and extraordinary power that strike a chord in the dreamer that continues to resonate throughout their life. When these dreams occur, the dreamer may transcend into a higher awareness or reality that can be directly reached in the sleeping state.

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In the book Extraordinary Dreams and How to Work with Them, Stanley Krippner, Fariba Bogzaran, and Andre Percia de Carvalho address the many variations of these dreams, including healing, precognitive, lucid, etc., and how these dreams can be spiritual awakenings or initiations that can often lead to a dramatic transformation in the dreamer.

What Are Some Types of Initiation Dreams?

The most the vital aspect of the initiation dream is its emotional impact on the dreamer. The feelings of pure joy and love, even to the point of ecstasy rarely experienced in waking life, are a definite indication.

However, this is not always the case. Initiation dreams more often evoke terror and take nightmarish forms, especially if we are asked to face our biggest fears in order to be transformed by them.

There are certain common elements to these initiation dreams, including but not limited to:

• Apocalyptic scenes
• Encounters with guides or otherworldly beings
• Animal bites (usually on the hand)
• Visitations from the deceased/ancestors
• Struck by lightning
• Engaging in a ritual/rite of passage
• Confronted or swallowed by a sea monster or creature
• Dismemberment
• Alchemical death and rebirth motifs
• Mythological/archetypal themes
• Journeys to different worlds/states of consciousness
• Lucid, hypnogogic, or out-of-body states

Many of the people I work with have a big dream either right before or at the beginning stages of therapy. This is the time when the initiate is being propelled into the mysteries of profound change, whether externally (loss of a loved one, home, or community) or internally (an inner stirring that “something is not right”).

Many of the people I work with have a big dream either right before or at the beginning stages of therapy. This is the time when the initiate is being propelled into the mysteries of profound change, whether externally (loss of a loved one, home, or community) or internally (an inner stirring that “something is not right”).

Here is one example of an initiation dream:

I am a young girl in an ancient landscape that reminds me of Persia, India, or Babylonia due to the architecture of mosaic columns, pools, and courtyards. There is a particular pool of water where women are lounging about. I dive into this water and retrieve hair adornments from the bottom of the pool for these women, which pleases them immensely. After this ritual, I look down and notice blood on my dress. I realize three of my ribs have been taken or are missing! I am suddenly filled with ecstasy, like I know this is a good omen or sign of initiation. The girl seems to “know” more than I do, but I am her. As I wander this area, there’s a shift as I try to discover the symbol, the meaning of the missing three ribs.

Working with Initiation Dreams in Therapy

One of the most difficult challenges in dreamwork is to make sense of what is being given. This is especially true for the initiation dream.

There are ways to process the material, especially after the fallout of such dreams. It can be an uncomfortable process for people, not only due to the highly charged content but also the fear of making dramatic life changes that may call for a sacrifice in the form of jobs, loved ones, identity, belief systems, and way of life.

If you are experiencing big or initiatory dreams, I highly recommend seeking a trained professional who specializes in dreams and depth work. Having a therapist to hold the container and be a guiding force to bring context as well as support for these powerful experiences in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way is vital. What makes dreamwork so effectual is that the material has an emotional impact and comes directly from the person, not an outside source.

Here are some points of entry and inquiry to consider when working therapeutically with these dreams:

• If you were bitten by an animal, it would be suggested to engage with the animal’s energy and habits. What animal gifts can be integrated into your life?
• If you dream of death and resurrection, what part can shift in your life to make room for a new birth and way of being?
• In apocalyptic and alchemical motifs, the elements are keys to understanding what’s being asked. Is it fire, water, tornado, earthquake? The element can shed light on the nature of the call and the type of transformation taking place.
• If you have a visit from a guide or deceased loved one, what messages are being told to you? In what form?

The most important thing to remember is change is a part of life. If we can engage in the dreaming process in a conscious way, we not only live more authentic lives but can make healthier, more mindful choices.

In Part II, I will focus on the dreams of the bereaved and how they can bring healing in the face of grief.

References:

1. Campbell, J. (1976). The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Bollingen Series 17. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
2. Eliade, M. (1958). Rites and Symbols of Initiation (Birth and Rebirth), trans. W. Trask. London, England: Harvill Press.
3. Jung, C. (1963). Memories, Dreams, Reflections. London, England: Collins and Routledge.
4. Krippner, S., Bogzaran, F., & Percia de Carvalho, A. (2002). Extraordinary Dreams and How to Work with Them. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.
5. Murdock, M. (1990). The Heroine’s Journey. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications.
6. Pinkola-Estes, C. (1992). Women Who Run with the Wolves. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.
7. Sparrow, G. S. (n.d.). The Dream as a Path of Initiation. Edgar Cayce’s ARE, Virginia Beach, VA.

They are frightening, disturbing, inconvenient, and happen when you are supposed to be rejuvenating your body and brain: the nightmares that follow a traumatic experience.

Nightmares are quite common among people who have experienced a traumatic event. The aftereffects of a nightmare often follow them into the next day, which can affect their emotional well-being and ability to function. Nightmares can be quite scary and negatively impact the amount of restful sleep a person is getting. They can feel like one is re-experiencing the traumatic event, and the thought of going to sleep can become anxiety-provoking. The less sleep a person gets, the more difficult it is for the brain to process a traumatic event and file it away correctly. Sometimes the symptoms that are present due to trauma are the very barriers that get in the way of a person’s ability to heal.

The Function of Dreams

According to Hartmann (1996), one theory regarding the function of dreaming is that it allows the brain to make connections more efficiently and effectively than the conscious mind. In other words, it is the time when the brain reviews information that has been observed and then sorts and organizes it in a way that makes sense.

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Hartmann (1998) also states that dreaming is a way for the brain to work through trauma, and the dreams are often based on the main emotion the person experienced during the trauma or experiences when they recall the trauma. This is important to the healing process but, as discussed above, can be problematic when the person’s nightmares interfere with their sleep and their ability to function day-to-day. According to Leskin et al. (2002), people who had a diagnosis of posttraumatic stress had a significantly higher rate of sleep problems. They state that 96% of participants in their study who were diagnosed with PTSD experienced nightmares and 100% experienced insomnia.

So what can a person do to work through unwanted trauma nightmares?

1. Keep track of your dreams and nightmares and discuss them with your therapist. Dreams can contain information that is significant in therapy work. I often encourage people in therapy to write down the basic themes of their dreams and nightmares so we can investigate their significance to the trauma treatment work we are doing. I often find that the information gathered from dreams is directly related to the themes that are increasing or continuing the disturbance related to trauma (for example, a sense of helplessness).
2. Develop coping and self-soothing skills. Practice self-soothing and anxiety-reduction techniques before sleep and/or if you wake up from a nightmare. Continue self-soothing throughout the day as needed to deal with the aftereffects of a nightmare. Some of the tools people in therapy have found most useful include guided meditations, body scans, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness exercises. Another tool that many find particularly useful is called “container.” Essentially, the person experiencing the disturbance creates a container (real or imagined) wherein they can keep the things that bother them most (thoughts about the event, flashbacks, or even the nightmares or other disturbing material) until a time when he or she able to sort through the material with his or her therapist. When the disturbing material comes up, the person can allow whatever it is to go into container until therapy, where we can decide what should be addressed. Some containers that are common are safes, boxes, vaults, and jars. The container should have a lid or door of some type. A person can imagine this container in the form of a picture in the mind and imagine the disturbing material going into the container. Alternately, the person can have a physical container and write down the disturbing material on a piece of paper and then place it in the container.
3. Don’t stay in bed if you can’t sleep. Often, when awakened from a nightmare, going back to sleep may be difficult. Also, the act of initially going to sleep may be anxiety-provoking for fear that the nightmares or other symptoms the person may be experiencing will return. If you are not able to go to sleep in a reasonable amount of time, get up and do something self-soothing. It may take time before sleep comes, but it is better to engage in self-soothing exercises than to get yourself worked up and more anxious because sleep won’t come.
4. Make changes to your sleep environment to avoid associating anxiety with the place you sleep. When a person has repeated nightmares, the sleep environment may become a trigger for anxiety and other trauma symptoms. Making changes to the sleep environment, such as moving furniture around, getting new bedding, or changing the decor, may be helpful in starting with a clean slate when it comes to sleep.
5. Remind yourself that your brain is trying to heal. Healing is not always a comfortable process and it takes time. As uncomfortable as nightmares are, your brain is giving you the information it needs you to work through. Nightmares can bring to light issues that you may have been unaware of during your awake time. Work with a therapist so you do not feel alone in this process. A therapist can normalize what you are going through and can help you to process your symptoms in a way that may make them less overwhelming.

References:

1. Hartmann, E. (1996). Outline for a theory on the nature and functions of dreaming. Dreaming, 6(2), pp 147-170.
2. Hartmann, E. (1998). Nightmare after trauma as a paradigm for all dreams: A new approach to the nature and functions of dreaming. Psychiatry: Interpersonal and Biological Processes, 61(3), pp223-238.
3. Leskin, G.A., Woodward, S.H., Young, H.E., and Sheikh, J.I. (2002). Effects of comorbid diagnoses on sleep disturbance in PTSD. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 36(6), pp 449-452.