by St. John’s Recovery Place

How Does Addiction Affect Relationships?

Okay, let us be blatantly honest about this: addiction to drugs or other substances has never positively impacted a relationship. There are many costs associated with substance misuse and addiction: one of the greatest costs is relationships with friends and family. There are no healthy, functioning relationships maneuvering successfully through the realms of addiction and abuse.

Addiction Affects All Kinds of Relationships

Every relationship that comes face to face with substance abuse and addiction is bound to suffer tremendously. Romantic relationships where at least one partner is dealing with addiction likely include a great deal more conflict than most. Trust issues, hurt feelings, and anxiety can be side effects of substance abuse in a relationship — for either partner or for both. These issues slowly wear away at relationships, gradually leading to the dissipation of happiness that eventually leads to relational failures, and not just the romantic kind.

Addiction does not just hurt the person who’s battling it; it affects all aspects of their life, including family, friends, and lovers. Relationships will suffer because of substance abuse and addiction. Siblings grow angry with each other, mothers cry, fathers wrestle with helplessness, friends grapple with anxiety and confusion — all of them wishing they knew how to make it better. However, these relationships and personal hurts, can be healed with time, therapy, and the proper treatment.

Family therapy is an integral part of many drug and alcohol rehabilitation programs. Often, it is friends and family working together who convince their loved one it is time to get help. The trick is knowing how to guide someone to rehab without force.

How Do I Support Someone with Addiction?

It is painful to watch someone you love and deeply care about slowly pulled deeper and deeper into addiction. Substance abuse is painful not only for the person going through addiction but also for the people around them. We see our loved ones hurting, and we wish desperately to help them, without the slightest idea on how best to provide aid.

Our first instinct is often to intervene and lecture our loved ones out of anger and/or the desire to protect them from endangering themselves and others. But in the case of substance abuse, it is often best to take a step back and look at the whole picture before trying to help.

Pause Before You Take Action

If your love for this person is making you feel urgent, take a deep breath and let it also make you thoughtful. Before you jump the gun and decide to confront your loved one, you must understand that addiction is a delicate and complex issue. No one wants to be an addict, and, certainly, no one plans to fall into addiction. But many do become addicted, and sadly, some of them have a tough time coming to terms with that fact.

Before you talk to anyone about what is going on, you should take a little time to think about the situation and circumstances you are facing. This does not mean don’t confide in a close, trusted friend, but be careful about whom you choose to share your concerns with. Struggling with an addiction can be embarrassing for your loved one to admit; fewer people knowing the intimate details about their personal life may make it easier for them to transition into recovery. If it’s something everyone knows about, they may feel like all eyes are on them, just waiting for them to screw up. You’ll also want to be careful about whom you speak with because, although most people mean well, they can give damaging and detrimental advice that can harm your chances of successfully encouraging your loved one to try rehab.

Thinking Through the Situation

It can be a lonely and complicated road to intervention, but you can do it. And if you really feel as though you need to speak to someone about what is going on but want to ensure your conversation is confidential, you can always reach out to a therapist to ease some of the weight on your shoulders. They may even be able to provide you with some solid advice and resources.

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you here: we have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on this journey. Find the support you need today!

Before you take the plunge into planning your intervention, take some time to consider these questions:

• When did you begin to recognize the signs of substance abuse?
• Have there been warning signs and significant stressors in your loved one’s life?

It may sound silly, but substance abuse shares many of the same side effects of stress and of other illnesses. It is essential to understand what is happening in your loved one’s life as best you can before you decide to take definitive action. This condition likely took time to develop; you’ll want to be sure you prepare yourself to speak with your family member or friend. You should not go into such a delicate conversation about change, addiction, and recovery like a bull in a china shop. Every person responds to criticism and concern differently, so you will want to keep that in mind as well before you stage an intervention.

Of course, there are many ways to do this. Since some of them may work well for you and your loved one (and others may not), be thoughtful and wise as you consider the possible ways to approach an intervention.

Planning an Intervention

First things first: know your audience! Yes, it is true that if your loved one is suffering from substance abuse and addiction, they are bound to be different from the person that you used to know. Thus, you will need to move forward with a working knowledge of who your loved one is now, as well as who they were before substance use took over their life. Once you are certain you are witnessing an addiction issue that must be addressed, reach out to other close friends and family of your loved one to see if they have noticed similar patterns and behaviors.

Get Support with Intervention Planning

Talking to a doctor or mental health provider about the issues you are seeing in your loved one and ask for their advice on your next steps. Begin to do some research on drug and alcohol rehabs in your area or further out. You want to be ready to recommend action steps.

Recovery treatment centers (RTCs) like St. John’s Recovery Place provide drug and alcohol rehab. Use our RTC directory to start looking at the options today!

How to Approach the Intervention

In the meantime, note specific moments when you notice your loved one is struggling with something or neglecting things they used to love. You can use this information to encourage them to seek something better, rather than to shame them. More often than not, people who are confronted in interventions are defensive. You don’t want to make them feel humiliated or accused or to give them the impression you are trying to coerce them into doing a specific thing.

You want to go into an intervention with as much knowledge as you can about substance abuse and rehab. You may not know exactly you’re your family member or friend is using, but you can become familiar with the basic structures of all addictions and substance use disorders to give your “arguments” sound foundational settings.

Planning an intervention can be overwhelming. There is a lot to consider, and you’ll need to talk to a lot of trustworthy advisors. Ensure you know as much about your loved one’s situation as you can. Have examples ready for them for you to bring up and look back on if they express interest, and most of all, move slow.

But What If It’s Urgent?

It’s true that in many substance abuse cases, time is of the essence. But you want your relationship with your loved one to be a pillar of support, something they can lean into as they begin to work through the process of accepting that they need help and eventually getting it in rehab. You do not want your loved one to shun your relationship because you spoke too harshly, made accusations and demands of them, or even issued ultimatums. Even though it is possible that tough love will be effective (which probably only is true in a small subset of the population) for getting them into rehab, what you want to be supportive, persistent, and loving, and seen as a reliable, listening ear. They will need you in their path forward.

This Isn’t a TV Intervention

You may need to hold a few intervention meetings with the same people where you all gently bring up the topic of substance abuse and recovery in the proximity of your friend. Be honest and upfront, but supportive and unforceful. Let them know you see them, that you want to help them, and that you are willing to work with them through the process no matter how long it takes. Slow and steady wins the race; a steady intervention system could be the key to getting your loved one into rehab on good, hopeful terms, rather than damaging or even losing your relationship in the fight about their need for recovery.

Be prepared to meet resistance and to highlight some of your causes for concern. You may not win them over in one session, but you can open the door for them to start becoming interested in recovery and considering what their lives may look like after they have beaten addiction.

It will not be easy. But it will be worth it.

How to Support a Loved One in Rehab

Good work! You did the research and took your time convincing your loved one they may need to try addiction rehab. You didn’t watch television shows on how to do it all, but offered your case with thorough thought, compassionate understanding, gentle concern, and strong, “I’m on your side” support. That is the way it should be done.

But your job is not over yet!

Now What?

Now that your loved one has enrolled in rehab, it is time for you to work even harder at this relationship. So, what can you do to support your loved one while they are in rehab? That can be a little tricky, but there are several ways in which you can show your support.

When it comes to inpatient rehabilitation, programs often severely limit the amount of outside exposure your loved one receives. Do not panic: This is a common practice aimed at helping addicts cull their desire to contact someone who can get them drugs or alcohol and encouraging them to build a new lifestyle for themselves. Even so, you may be able to show support to your loved one in recovery and continue working on healing your relationship by doing any or all of the following:

• Calling your loved one frequently while they are in rehab
• Engaging in family therapy sessions if you can
• Writing letters to your loved one
• Attending any in-person visit that you can at the rehab center
• Sending a small care package

Be sure you’re following the guidelines of the rehab center caring for your loved one — the last thing you want is to throw off the progress they’re making. If you have other ideas of how you can encourage and support your loved one, run them by the rehab. Keep in mind that during the inpatient healing process, your loved one must remain on campus grounds as much as possible in order to help them separate themselves from their old abuse habits. Addiction is scary and overwhelming, affecting everyone in its path. But recovery can also be challenging for the individual and their loved ones alike.

This Is a Temporary but Necessary Step

The recovery process may not be easy for either of you, but keep reminding yourself of how far you have already come! The effort you are putting into helping your loved one heal and working on repairing your relationships is well worth the rewards. And planning for inpatient and aftercare rehab for your loved one may keep you sane through the whole process.

After Rehab

If you’ll be continually supporting your loved one post-treatment, consider brainstorming a list of sober activities and fun ways to release stress that will help make life feel “normal again” in anticipation of discharge from rehab. Prepare for the best but have a contingency plan in place for the worst. There will be good days as well as bad days on the path to healing.

It is essential that you be ready to face whatever challenges may appear. Have a support network for yourself — to celebrate the triumphs, give you new ideas, and help you cope with the hard days. You’ll naturally want to have a long list of things you can do to help your loved one to readjust, but the best way to provide support post-rehab is simply to be there for your loved one. Listen. Show up for this relationship. Be their adventure buddy, even if your excursions are only to Walmart or a coffee shop. And always show understanding and kindness.

Rehab centers like St. John’s Recovery Place are tremendous allies in the fight to beat addiction. Be sure to reach out to therapists who specialize in addiction who can help you help your loved one and may be able to support them post-rehab.

Now that marijuana use is becoming legalized all across the country, America’s teenagers are reaping the consequences. True, there is nothing new under the sun with teenagers using drugs, particularly marijuana, but the situation is different than how it was back in the 60s and 70s. Now, marijuana is no longer a “gateway” drug; rather, it is the “end” choice.

What Is Marijuana Wax?

Marijuana wax is a concentrated form of marijuana (cannabis) that resembles ear wax. It contains 90% THC (tetrahydrocannabinol, the active ingredient in cannabis). One small “hit” of wax causes the same euphoric effect as that created by smoking 1-2 marijuana cigarettes (joints).

Teenagers typically use wax via a vape pen. This tool extracts the THC rather than burning it, so the drug is basically odorless and smokeless. Teenagers can use wax with a vape pen without any obvious detection, and the tool can be easily concealed. This is very alarming because teenagers can use wax basically under the noses of their authority figures.

Many teenagers have discovered that using wax brings many “benefits”:

• Allows self-medication for anxiety and depression
• Is easy to use without detection
• Helps teenagers forget about their problems
• Eliminates boredom

The unfortunate result is that as many teenagers are developing independence and learning how to navigate life, the marijuana user is learning to cope with their problems by avoidance or “numbing out”. This creates a lack of creativity and motivation. These youth are not experiencing the exuberance of life, but are developing an “I don’t care” attitude. This is alarming at best; mainly it is devastating.

The Effects of Wax and Other Forms of Marijuana

The short-term effects of using wax include attention and memory problems, distorted perception, poor judgment, and poor coordination.

Along with the short-term issues, there are also long-term psychological and health concerns involved with the use of wax. Regular use of marijuana can cause:

• An onset or worsening of mental health issues. These might include psychosis, depression, anxiety, anger control problems, mood disorders, sleep disturbance, or even suicidal ideation.
• Addiction. Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, cold sweats, lack of appetite, sleeplessness, and irritability.
• Chronic lung problems, including bronchitis and lingering cough.
• A permanent decrease in IQ.
• Lower quality of life overall, including lower income level, academic issues, and poorer performance in work.

Barriers to Treatment for Marijuana Abuse

Speaking as a substance abuse counselor who works with teenagers who use cannabis, treatment is often challenging. Usually when teenagers seek counseling for their substance use, it is because some adult authority figure or institution has demanded it. Court- or school-mandated substance use treatment brings an additional set of problems.

Addressing the underlying “want” is the best approach to treatment. It is also the most difficult. Ask yourself, why does my teenager not want to feel? Why do they not care about themself? What is the underlying motivation of this youth?For one thing, effective counseling requires the “counselee” to be motivated to change. People coerced into treatment are not internally motivated. External motivation often causes people to resist. This is even more likely for rebellious teenagers, determined to set their own terms and define their own choices. One of the jobs of the counselor is to figure out how to overcome this dynamic, “win” the youth over, and help break through the teen’s resistance.

Another problem faced by concerned adults is the social acceptability of marijuana. Since so many adults are using the drug themselves, to the point that many states have made it a legal substance, there is a trickle-down effect on the youth in our society. Oftentimes I hear teens say things like, “It helps me with my anxiety. It’s only an herb; a natural plant created by God that helps me feel good.” These are the same arguments adults use.

In addition to this, I have made the observation that marijuana no longer seems to be a gateway drug as it was in the past. Rather, it is the drug of choice for the majority of drug-using teenagers, far surpassing even the use of cigarettes. Alarmingly, about half of all teenagers, particularly in states which have legalized marijuana, have tried the substance some time during their high school years.

What Can Parents Do About Teen Marijuana Use?

One thing parents can do is to know the signs that their teen is using marijuana. These signs include the following:

• Having bloodshot eyes
• Being overly tired and lethargic
• Giggling for no apparent reason
• Eating a lot (having the “munchies”)
• Letting grades slip
• Showing excessive moodiness
• Wearing clothing or decorating their belongings with pro-drug messages
• Having excess money or lack of money
• Being unkempt or having poor hygiene
• Associating with drug-using peers
• Having drug paraphernalia such as vape pens, pipes, cigarette paper, small glass containers, etc.

If you do suspect your teen is using marijuana, it is important that you don’t ignore the clues. Address the issue straight on. Talk in no uncertain terms, directly. Have a “zero tolerance” attitude about drug use.

In addition, here are some other suggestions for how to address a teenager who is using marijuana in any form, including wax:

1. Be a good role model.
2. Develop a healthy relationship with your teenager.
3. Set boundaries.
4. Be aware of what your teen is doing with their time.
5. Educate your child about the effects of marijuana use.
6. Be involved in your teenager’s life.
7. Don’t allow your teen to use drugs in your home or go to social activities which allow the use of drugs or alcohol.
8. Do not use drugs yourself.

The best way to deal with any type of drug use is to raise kids in such a way that they won’t want to use in the first place. A harder task, still, is getting the teenager to stop wanting to use it once they’ve started. Addressing the underlying “want” is the best approach to treatment. It is also the most difficult. Ask yourself, why does my teenager not want to feel? Why do they not care about themself? What is the underlying motivation of this youth?

From my experience, when questioning teens who use wax, I hear the following responses:

“Life is boring. Wax makes it fun.”

“I just want to chill.”

“I like how it makes me feel.”

“It helps me not care about anything.”

If these statements depict why your teen is using wax, then try to solve the underlying problems. Eliminate boredom. Teach your teenager how to find joy in life. Give them a purpose. Teach your teen that they matter and that taking care of oneself is important.

If you need help getting your teen to stop using marijuana, you can find an addiction counselor here.

References:

1. Marijuana and teens. (2018). American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Retrieved from: https://www.aacap.org/aacap/families_and_youth/facts_for_families/fff-guide/Marijuana-and-Teens-106.aspx
2. Palacios, K. (n.sd.) The dangers of smoking marijuana wax [PDF]. Retrieved from https://www.ihs.gov/california/tasks/sites/default/assets/File/BP2014-3_MarijuanaWax_Palacios.pdf
3. Volkow, N.D. (2018.) Marijuana: Facts parents need to know. Retrieved from:  https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/marijuana-facts-parents-need-to-know/letter-to-parents

About 46% of people who once had an issue with drug or alcohol use achieved sobriety without formal treatment or assistance, according to a study published in Drug and Alcohol Dependence. The study found that addiction issues are common, with 9.1% of participants in a nationally representative survey reporting they had recovered from an addiction.

The study undermines some popular beliefs about addiction, particularly that all individuals recovering from addiction must see themselves as “in recovery” or seek inpatient treatment.

Many Pathways to Sobriety

The study began with a nationally representative survey of 39,809 people. Researchers followed up with 2,047 participants who answered in the affirmative to, “Did you once have a problem with alcohol or drugs but no longer do?” Some participants responded to follow-up questions incompletely or in ways that suggested they had not actually had an addiction. This left 2,002 responses to analyze. [fat_widget_right]

Slightly more than half (53.9%) of people who recovered from an addiction said they sought help to become sober. The most popular path to sobriety was through self-help groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. Around half (45.1%) of people in recovery used these programs to get sober. Medical treatment was another popular option, with 27.6% using some form of treatment in either inpatient or outpatient settings.

Recovery support services, such as faith-based programs and sober housing, helped another 21.8% of respondents become sober. About 37% used multiple forms of assistance to get sober.

The remaining 46% of respondents did not use traditional treatment or support to get sober. Just 46% of people who were once addicted to drugs or alcohol reported viewing themselves as “in recovery.” Many addiction treatment programs encourage people with substance abuse issues to see themselves as in recovery for a lifetime.

Authors of the study argue that this suggests there are many ways to achieve sobriety. Treatment providers might need to reconsider the way they talk about addiction and the way they encourage people in recovery to view themselves.

Who Seeks Treatment for Addiction?

The study also analyzed factors that correlate with seeking formal assistance to get sober. People who abused substances at an earlier age, who abused several substances, who were involved with drug courts, and who were diagnosed with a substance use or mental health issue were more likely to seek assistance to get sober.

People with opioid addiction were more likely to seek help, while those with an addiction to cannabis were less likely to pursue assistance.

References:

1. Almost half of those who resolve a problem with drugs or alcohol do so without assistance. (2017, November 01). Retrieved from https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-11-problem-drugs-alcohol.html
2. Kelly, J. F., Bergman, B., Hoeppner, B. B., Vilsaint, C., & White, W. L. (2017). Prevalence and pathways of recovery from drug and alcohol problems in the United States population: Implications for practice, research, and policy. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 181, 162-169. doi:10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2017.09.028