Patterns are repetitive behaviours, thoughts, or emotional reactions that develop over time and are often connected to underlying beliefs. Whether we realize it or not, patterns shape the way we respond to situations, interact with others, and see ourselves. The more we repeat a behaviour or thought process, the more our brain accepts it as normal or true.
Self-awareness
Underlying beliefs
Healthier habits
In this blog
| How patterns work | |
| Positive and negative patterns | |
| Where patterns begin | |
| A personal pattern example | |
| Awareness creates choice |
How Patterns Work
For example, someone may believe that every time they walk a certain route home, they always trip over the same uneven piece of sidewalk. Instead of changing their route or paying closer attention, they continue to walk the same way and expect the same outcome. Over time, the belief becomes reinforced: "I always fall there." This is how patterns work. They repeat themselves until we become aware enough to interrupt them.
Positive and Negative Patterns
Not all patterns are negative. Some patterns can improve our quality of life and support our well-being. Regular exercise, maintaining healthy relationships, practicing self-care, or connecting with loved ones are all positive patterns that can increase happiness and emotional stability. However, many patterns can also become limiting or destructive.
Some common negative patterns include:
| Entering unhealthy or destructive relationships | |
| Procrastinating | |
| Avoiding exercise or healthy habits | |
| Being chronically late | |
| Overcommitting | |
| People-pleasing | |
| Perfectionism |
Even when these patterns create stress or unhappiness, people often continue repeating them because they are deeply rooted and largely unconscious.
Where Patterns Begin
Many of our patterns begin in childhood. The way we were raised, the experiences we had, and the messages we received from parents, society, and the media all contribute to how we see ourselves and how we behave. From a young age, we begin forming beliefs about our worth, safety, acceptance, and success. These beliefs can follow us into adulthood and influence our decisions without us fully realizing it.
A gentle place to start
If a repeated pattern is affecting your mood, relationships, or daily life, a therapist can help you explore it without judgment. You can use GoodTherapy’s directory to find a therapist who fits your needs.
A Personal Pattern Example
I recently became more aware of one of my own recurring patterns with the help of my partner. Sometimes the people closest to us can recognize behaviours that we cannot easily see ourselves. My pattern involves rushing around at the last minute before leaving the house. Looking back, I realize I have done this for years.
Before going somewhere, I often start multiple unnecessary tasks that suddenly feel urgent. I might begin doing dishes, vacuuming, or starting laundry even though I know I do not really have enough time. The result is always the same: I feel stressed, rushed, and overwhelmed.
At first, I thought I simply struggled with time management. However, after reflecting more deeply, I realized there was a belief underneath the behaviour. I had developed a fear of being judged if my house was not perfectly clean. Once I became aware of this belief, I started to better understand why I kept repeating the same stressful pattern.
Notice the belief underneath
A pattern often makes more sense when you can see the belief, fear, or pressure beneath it. That awareness can make the next choice feel a little more possible.
Awareness Creates Choice
Awareness has allowed me to begin making different choices. Instead of automatically reacting to the anxiety I feel, I can pause and ask myself what is truly important in the moment. I still struggle with this pattern sometimes but recognizing it has helped me approach it with more intention and self-awareness.
Even while writing this, I can relate to the challenge of balancing priorities. My workspace may not be perfectly organized, I may want more time to exercise, and there are always other tasks competing for attention. However, understanding my patterns helps me decide what truly matters instead of reacting automatically out of stress or fear.
Patterns are deeply rooted and changing them takes time. The first step is becoming aware of what is no longer working in your life. Once we identify the behaviours and beliefs that keep repeating, we can begin making conscious choices that support healthier habits and healthier relationships with ourselves and others.
Awareness creates choice. When we understand our patterns, we are no longer stuck repeating them automatically. Instead, we gain the ability to create new patterns that better align with the life we want to live.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about recognizing patterns and making small changes.
Sources and Further Reading
Support for New Patterns
Therapy can help you explore repeated patterns and practice new responses with more compassion and support.
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About the Author Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCPRegistered Social Worker in Airdrie, Alberta Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCP supports people navigating trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and stress management. Her work emphasizes a compassionate, goal-focused process that helps people move forward while making sense of the experiences that shaped them. Her approach may include EMDR, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, and self-awareness practices. In this article, she reflects on how recognizing repeated thoughts, feelings, and actions can help people approach change with more intention and choice. |
7 Habits for Good Brain Health
Maintaining good brain health is key to a long and healthy life. Theories about what brain health looks like and how to achieve it abound, but there are some straightforward ideas about how to keep your mind sharp and well cared for that don’t depend on those theories. Here are seven habits to implement in your life that will help you keep your brain healthy.
1. Stay Well Rested
Your entire body needs rest, including your brain. Whether you’re a night owl or a morning person, getting plenty of sleep is essential for your whole body. While your other organs slow down during sleep and your body goes into “rest mode,†your brain does not shut off. While you sleep, you dream, you heal, and you prepare. Adults need between 7-9 hours of sleep a night to gain the full benefits of sleep so that they can perform their best each day.
Did you know that sleep issues can be addressed in therapy? You can search your area to find a therapist near you, then filter your results by Common Specialty > All other issues > Sleep Disorders.
2. Stay Active
An active lifestyle is also key to good brain health. Staying active helps your brain produce the hormones it needs to fuel the rest of your body. Physical activity encourages your body to produce hormones that promote brain health and improve your mood. While you do not need to exercise constantly to achieve good brain health, many experts recommend including exercise in your daily routine to increase blood flow and keep you healthy.
3. Pay Attention to Your Body
Your body will give you signals if your brain health is not quite right. This could include symptoms of vitamin deficiency. For example, if you feel foggy and tired during the winter months, you might have low vitamin D levels. Talking to your doctor about these symptoms can help you get what you need to achieve a healthy mind and body.
4. Stay Hydrated
Our bodies need water to function. When we are dehydrated, our brains are not at their best. According to a 2018 study from Georgia Tech, cognitive functioning decreases with dehydration, with noticeable effects within as little as two hours. Be intentional about your water consumption will promote brain health and support the rest of your body, too.Â
5. Find Balance
The concept of work-life balance is something we’ve all heard of. Still, sometimes we forget that healthy balance in our lives could look very different depending on our circumstances. Figuring out what balance looks like for you right now, and being curious and adaptive about changes that need to be made down the line, can help you flourish. Be mindful of all the aspects of your life that need to be in balance (it’s not all about work and home – rest, friends, self-care, a hobby, spirituality, the outdoors can all be pieces of the pie as well). By appropriately devoting time and attention to what you value, you can relieve stress and allow your brain to engage with the world in a multitude of ways.Â
6. Stimulate Your Brain
Your brain needs exercise just like the rest of your body. Brain games, puzzles, critical thinking, learning new things, hobbies, memorization, brain training, and reading can all function as brain exercises.
7. Care for Your Mental Health
Mental health is vital for keeping our brains healthy. If you have symptoms of depression or anxiety, or if you feel you cannot slow your brain down, we advise you to talk to a mental health professional. A mental health professional can guide you in developing skills and strategies to help you achieve a healthy mind.
Start your search for the right-fit psychotherapist today!
The Power of Habits Part 3: Establishing a Good Habit
Establishing a new habit might be your goal if you are trying to make positive changes in your life. In the last two articles, we covered the benefits of harnessing the power of habits for good and how to quit bad habits. This article will discuss how to form a good habit.
Refresher: 3 Things We Have Learned Already
#1 Habits Can Be Good
Not all habits are bad. We may assume something negative when we hear the word “habit.†This might include nail-biting, overspending, or lack of exercise. The truth is, habits can be good. Establishing a good habit can help us lead healthier and well-balanced mental, physical, and emotional lives.
#2 Bad Habits Are Hard to Break
Bad habits are hard to break because our brains are hard-wired to depend on them. Repetitive actions have trained our minds that those actions are important and necessary. This challenge makes it difficult to let go of bad habits and train our brain not to depend on them.
#3 How to Break Bad Habits
In the last article, we discussed how to quit bad habits. This included methods like talking to a therapist. Talking to a therapist can help us rewire our brains and form good habits, rather than defaulting to habits that aren’t serving us. In the last article, we also discussed other methods like replacing bad habits with something else, changing your routine, and talking with those around you.
Let’s Dispell Some Myths
Timeframes
How long does it take to form a habit? There are a lot of different numbers floating around out there . A popular timeframe is 21 days, but this isn’t rooted in science. In fact, the science demonstrates a wide range that varies per person: 18–254 days. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones, writes about the seminal 2009 study by Dr. Phillippa Lally that showed this range. The average of all study participants’ days to habit mastery came to 66.Â
It’s helpful to remember Lally’s study on habits when you’re working on a new habit. With unrealistic expectations, it’d be easy to get discouraged if you were looking at day 30 in your habit formation journey and didn’t feel it taking root. With this study in mind, you can rest assured that there’s nothing wrong with you—habits just take a while.Â
Progress, Not Perfection
Clear goes on to note that the study proves habit formation doesn’t require a perfect practice record. A couple of missed opportunities to reinforce the habit don’t have a long-term effect on your habit adoption if you stick with it over time.Â
Creating a New Habit
To establish a good habit, a few things need to happen:
#1Â Identify the Good Habits You Want to Adopt
What are the good habits you want to implement in your life? They might include an exercise regimen, a healthy diet, maintaining good relationships, establishing a consistent schedule, or anything else that could benefit the quality of your life. Start by listing the good habits you wish to implement in your life.
#2 Start SmallÂ
When we want to make change happen in our lives, our initial instinct is to think big. We imagine our ideal life and, instead of planning out baby steps to get there, we may try to jump straight into that ideal life. We may set specific time frames and restrictions around when these new habits need to be established. This tendency can be dangerous.Â
Thinking on too grand a scale can cause us to experience burnout very quickly. Think of it as muscle development. If your goal is to bench 200 lbs and you can currently bench 110 lbs, your best option is not to stroll into the gym and try 200 lbs tomorrow. You have to build up your strength incrementally over time in order to reach your goal or you might really hurt yourself. Similarly, we cannot take on too much too quickly when it comes to creating habits. The life you want requires “muscles†like strong new neural pathways and emotional and mental determination—muscles that can only develop with practice. For this reason, it is important to start small. Start with one good habit at a time and build from there. By limiting our focus to developing one habit at a time, we’re better able to do the necessary practice.Â
#3Â Practice PersistenceÂ
The most common reason people do not start a good habit is that they were not successful on their first attempt. If you start a new habit and fail (whether on day 3 or day 39), do not give up. Keep working hard, keep trying—practice is the key to starting a good habit. To make the new habit’s neural pathway your brain’s preferred option, you have to reinforce it through lots of practice in every situation where you want it to be your default. Say you want to establish a habit of doing all the dishes after dinner each day. You’ll need to be very intentional about doing dishes every night. Time after time, the cue, or trigger, of finishing dinner needs to be followed by the choice and action of doing the dishes.Â
If you are eager to start a good habit and do not know where to start, a therapist can be an excellent resource. Click through to learn more about behavioral health therapists in your area who can help you establish good habits and build the life you want.
For more in this series, seeÂ
The Power of Habits, Part 2: Leaving Habits Behind
The Power of Habits, Part 3: How to Form a Good Habit
References
Clear, J. (2020, February 04). How long does it take to form a Habit? Backed by science. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from https://jamesclear.com/new-habit
The Power of Habits Part 1: How Habits Can Be Helpful
Ah, January. It’s the time of year when we’re more likely to think about habits. We all have habits, good or bad. Some of us might find ourselves biting our nails, smoking, doomscrolling, or drinking too much coffee. We might also have habits of sleeping well, engaging in a relaxing hobby, and exercising regularly.
When we hear the word habit, we may imagine something bad or negative that is a problem in our daily lives. Actually, though, the term “habit” is neutral, the act of forming habits in the brain is a natural process. and we can harness the power of habits to help us create the lives we want and shape the selves we want to grow into.
Gretchen Rubin, author of best-selling self-help books like The Happiness Project and Better Than Before, told Goop, “Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday existence.” So what exactly are we talking about when we talk about habits?Â
What Is a Habit?
In simple terms, a habit is something that we do often and without much thought. It has become a part of our routine that we do without working very hard or thinking about it much – a habit basically skips the decision-making part of our brains.Â
According to British educator Charlotte Mason, whose philosophy of education is known for its focus on habit-formation, “We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all. If it were not so — if we had to think, to deliberate, about each operation of the bath or the table — life would not be worth having; the perpetually repeated effort of decision would wear us out.” This is what we call decision-fatigue, and Mason is right – habits help us cut down on the number of decisions we’re making each day. The question, then, becomes whether the habits we have, that are bypassing that decision-making process, are the habits we really want.
Some habits are considered harmful because they do not contribute to our physical, emotional, or behavioral well-being. These are things that might be regarded as bad, like being late, not getting enough sleep, emotional drinking, or swearing in front of your 2-year-old nephew.
Good habits help us live healthier, happier, and more productive lives. Think of behaviors like brushing your teeth, connecting with your partner every day, and practicing mindfulness. These are considered good because they help us live healthy, peaceful lives both now and in the future.
Benefits of Good Habits
Self-Identity
Our habits help define who we are as individuals. Through them, we can establish ourselves in the world. One of the most encouraging things bout habits is that each one started with an individual choice. So, if you decide you want to be the kind of person who reads for pleasure 30 minutes each day, you can start to become such a person by choosing to do crack open a book and set a timer today. Engaging in healthy repetitive actions can help us learn to love ourselves and promote personal growth.
Reach Your Goals
Utilizing and implementing good habits can help us reach our goals. Sometimes, our goals are harder to reach because our poor habits prevent us from achieving them. By establishing good actions in place of bad ones, we can finally achieve our goals. (This is a key part of habit formation that we’ll explore later in this series.)Â
Establish Consistency
Consistency is a critical component of good mental health. Establishing healthy repetitive actions throughout our life can help us establish a good and consistent routine. This consistency keeps us on a healthy track. By choosing which behaviors we want to turn into habits, we can essentially lay down the tracks we want the train of our lives to run on. (That’s a Charlotte Mason metaphor, actually.)Â
Improve Quality of Life
With increased motivation and will to lean on what is good for us rather than what is bad for us, we get more out of life. Establishing good behaviors enables us to stray away from the things that hold us back and run towards what is good.Â
Sew Life-Long Change
Life-long change can be hard to achieve. When we have destructive behaviors in our lives, changing them can feel impossible. But that’s not true. Establishing good habits is hard work, but it sews life-long change in our lives. By working hard to establish good routines, consistency, and repetitive actions, we improve the quality of our life for years to come.
Are you eager to replace bad habits with good habits? Click here to connect to a mental health provider in your area.
For more in this series, seeÂ
The Power of Habits, Part 2: Leaving Habits Behind
The Power of Habits, Part 3: How to Form a Good Habit
Citations
Mason, C. (n.d.). Home Education. Part III. “Habit Is Ten Natures.” V. The Laying Down of Lines of Habit. Retrieved January 13, 2021, from https://www.amblesideschools.com/manual/Charlotte-Mason/part-iii-habit-ten-natures
Rubin, G. (2018, July 06). Better Than Before: Making & Keeping Resolutions. Retrieved January 13, 2021, from https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/better-than-before-making-keeping-resolutions/
Remember those New Year’s resolutions you made over the holidays, the ones about changing bad habits?
How’s it going?
Getting in the habit of doing something differently can be incredibly hard, but it is possible. Here are 10 guiding principles to help make your changes successful.
1. Define what you want to do differently.
Is it quitting something? Beginning something? Be as detailed as you can. For example, you may wish to have a cleaner house. What, exactly, does a cleaner house mean? Is it keeping the counters clear and the dishes done? Does it mean mopping the floors every week? Every day? If you want to decrease the amount of alcohol you consume, what does that entail? Is it limiting yourself to two or fewer drinks a night? A week? A month? The more specific you can be the better. Clearly define your goal.
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2. Specify why you do what you do.
If you find yourself watching too much Netflix, is it because you feel tired in the evenings? Do you use it as an emotional escape when you feel depressed? If you’re trying to quit smoking, do you light up because your friends do or automatically smoke when you get in the car? Knowing why you engage in behaviors is critical to knowing how to change them.
3. Understand why you don’t want to do it anymore.
Are your kids embarrassed to have their friends over because your house is a mess? Has your drinking become a problem because your spouse has noticed or because you have a DUI? Consider how changing your bad habit will affect your life for the better.
4. Make your plan.
Break the plan into small steps. For a cleaner home, this might mean starting with one activity at a time. The first week, you’ll be sure to make your bed. The next week, you might add vacuuming three times. For drinking less, it might mean getting rid of most or all of the alcohol in your home or ceasing to drink when you’re alone. Quitting “cold turkey†works for some but not all.
5. Be patient.
Think about change in terms of a journey—a long-term process that is sometimes more direct and quicker than at other times. You might have heard it takes only 21 days to form a positive or control a negative habit. That’s not quite accurate. According to a 2010 study, it can take as few as 18 and as many as 254 days to be successful. Value patience.
Don’t view setbacks as a reason to quit. See them as part of the process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back.
6. Anticipate setbacks.
Don’t view setbacks as a reason to quit. See them as part of the process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. What might your setbacks be? Perhaps it’s holidays, after-work activities, or increased stress.
7. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Your brother may have stopped smoking in three days with no ill affects, but this does not mean it is possible (or healthy) for you. Each person has their own strengths, weaknesses, and ways of changing.
8. Consider what would make change easier.
For someone who wants to lose weight, not having junk food in the house may help. For someone trying to begin an exercise plan, it might help to make a verbal agreement with a friend to be accountable to each other. Another idea is to not frequent places where you engage in the behavior. Certain areas or people may be triggers.
9. Celebrate successes big and small.
Note and acknowledge changes you make along the way. Some people reward themselves at certain points. If you’ve been anticipating attending a special event or wanting to buy yourself something, this may be a good time to set an incentive.
10. Find support.
This might mean finding a therapist. It might be in the form of family, friends, or in-person or online support groups. A quick search of the web may yield online and local groups. Talk to friends and family about how it’s going and let them know if you need extra support.
Changes can be difficult but are by no means impossible. Comment below and let me know what has worked and not worked for you!
Reference:
Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40: 998-1009. doi:10.1002/ejsp.674
Do the sluggish days of winter have you feeling like you’re in “autopilot mode� Perhaps you catch yourself living for the weekends, keeping them jam-packed and exciting—something to look forward to on the calendar. In contrast, on weekdays you may come home from work feeling uninspired and flattened, having barely seen daylight.
Here are five small changes that can impact your happiness and contentment on a day-to-day level, no matter the season.
1. Wake Up Mindfully
You may find yourself reaching for your phone first thing in the morning to silence the alarm, then autopiloting into checking email, apps, weather, and more. I challenge you to resist the urge to tune into something external to begin your day. Instead, begin from within.
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The screen time might help shake your grogginess, but it also has the potential to jar you from your mindful calm into a more stressful state. Creating a morning ritual, such as a quiet cup of coffee, soft music, or journaling may help you tune into yourself before you step out into the chaotic world.
2. Set an Intention for the Day
Setting an intention could be as simple as, “Today I will schedule my time in a way such that I am not in too much of a hurry,” or, “Today I will be patient with myself.†Let the intention guide your actions throughout the day, thinking of it as a lighthouse to return to when things become stressful or trying.
Once you get into the habit of it, this simple practice can help you to live with more intention rather than going through the motions. Write your intention on a sticky note if that helps; it can be as short as a few words.
3. Take the Scenic Route
Embrace the unexpected. One of the ways in which we most often fall into “autopilot†is being too stuck in our routines. Driving an unusual route to work or taking a different train may add a few more minutes to your commute, but studies have shown that switching up the norm can have cognitive benefits, allowing you to problem-solve and utilize areas of your brain that may have otherwise gone dormant.
Enjoy the scenery! Life is about the journey, not the destination.
These five practices share some common themes—each allows you to shake up your norm, find inspiration in the simple rather than the complex, and find connection.
4. Connect with Others
Every seemingly mundane encounter is an opportunity for two people to connect; when we do it, it feels good! It could be as simple as chatting with the person who delivers your mail for a bit longer than usual, or as elaborate as calling an old friend on your lunch break rather than tackling a stack of work emails.
Connecting can also boost your intelligence: Researchers have found that conversing and considering others’ perspectives may improve executive brain function and cognitive abilities in the attention and memory centers. It’s good for both the heart and mind!
5. Connect with Nature
It may be tougher to find ways to connect with nature when the sky is colder and darker, but I challenge you to do so as you would in warmer weather—perhaps standing outside your car for a few minutes to look at the stars or bundling up to spend a few moments on your deck with a cup of tea. Nature allows for the unexpected and creative moments that you may not find on your couch. You may see animals, hear sounds, or simply relax into the moment.
Research has shown time and time again there are psychological benefits to being in nature: A study published by Stanford University had one group of participants take a 90-minute walk through a city, whereas the other group took a walk through the woods. The group who walked in the woods had reduced blood flow to the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that causes ruminating and anxious thoughts.
These five practices share some common themes—each allows you to shake up your norm, find inspiration in the simple rather than the complex, and find connection. Defaulting to “autopilot mode†is often a result of loneliness or a lack of inspiration, and implementing mindfulness into your daily routine can be an antidote to both.
For more ideas, contact a licensed therapist in your area.
References:
- Gilkey, R., & Kilts, C. (2007). Cognitive Fitness. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2007/11/cognitive-fitness
- Jordan, R. (2015, June 30). Stanford researchers find mental health prescription: Nature. Retrieved from https://news.stanford.edu/2015/06/30/hiking-mental-health-063015/
- Sage Publications. (2008, February 19). Does Socializing Make Us Smarter? Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080215135707.htm