4 friends having Christmas Dinner with TurkeyFew are immune to the stress that holiday gatherings can induce. Social pressures, personal expectations, and differences in lifestyles or personal values can be tricky to navigate. When holiday gatherings feel more overwhelming than anything else, utilizing a few effective self-counseling skills can help you prepare for and manage these gatherings with confidence and self-care.   

Identify your feelings and emotional needs 

Self-awareness can be one of the most effective self-counseling skills for navigating stress around holiday gatherings. Our feelings provide us with important information about our emotional needs. If you notice that you feel nervous or anxious about a gathering, ask yourself, “What emotional need might be going unmet and is resulting in this anxiety?” Emotional needs are things like connection, authenticity, play, hope, or safety (among many others). Consider how you can meet these needs independently and, when appropriate, share them with trusted others.  

Set boundaries 

We’ve all had moments when someone’s words or actions left us feeling hurt, drained, or overwhelmed. These experiences underscore the importance of setting boundaries—the invisible lines that help define where we end, and others begin. Setting and maintaining these boundaries is vital for resilience, self-care, and healthy relationships. 

To prepare for potentially difficult conversations, practice responses like: 

Remember, boundaries aren’t about shutting others out—they’re about honoring both yourself and those around you. Ask yourself, “What is a likely result of not setting boundaries?” Potentially feeling hurt or resentful? This is why setting boundaries is an act of care that strengthens your relationships and preserves your peace of mind. 

Commit to self-validation 

When you validate someone, you acknowledge the reality of their unique human experience—without judgment. Self-validation, therefore, refers to the ability to recognize, accept, and affirm your own feelings without judgment or external approval. Practicing self-validation is an essential skill for emotional health and well-being. 

How to practice self-validation: 

Let your values lead your behavior 

Clarifying your personal values can simplify your decision-making processes. When you’re asked to compromise or go along with the group, aligning with your core values can help reduce stress and anxiety, strengthen self-respect, and foster meaningful connections.  

Example in Action: 

When you’re clear on your values and make choices that are aligned with them, you’re less likely to feel conflicted or overwhelmed. Aligning with your values helps you stay calm and composed, and it allows you to act consistently in varying situations. 

Plan a small reward for yourself to enjoy after the gathering 

End on a positive note by celebrating your effort to show up for yourself and others. Plan a reward—something relaxing or uplifting that honors your commitment to emotional self-care. This can also be thought of as a form of self-soothing. Self-soothing is a powerful self-counseling skill for distress tolerance. Think about self-soothing using your five senses. 

Examples: 

 Holiday gatherings may come with their share of challenges, but by prioritizing these effective self-counseling skills, you might uncover a remarkable strength in your ability to care for yourself and others. These are skills that strengthen over time, so give yourself permission to take pride in your efforts. Allow yourself grace to do what feels best for you. What works for you may not work for others—and that’s okay. 

 

Tree outside with snow and lights The holidays inevitably bring a mix of emotions as we shuffle from social events to family gatherings. While fun is there to be had, expectations, financial strain, and social obligations can easily become overwhelming. With a bit of planning and mental rehearsal though, you can approach the holidays feeling grounded and prepared. 

What is the DBT Cope Ahead Skill? 

“Cope Ahead” is a skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that helps us prepare for emotionally challenging situations (Linehan, 2015). By identifying potential stressors, planning responses, and visualizing positive outcomes, Cope Ahead helps build emotional resilience and a greater sense of control. 

Guide to Using Cope Ahead for the Holidays 

Step 1: Identify Potential Stressors 

Start by considering which parts of the holiday season might be most challenging for you.  

Take a few minutes to jot down specific holiday situations you anticipate might be stressful. This will help you focus on the most relevant coping strategies (Linehan, 2015). 

Step 2: Envision the Challenging Situations 

With your list of potential stressors, it’s time to imagine each situation in detail. This step isn’t about stressing yourself out! Instead, the goal is to become familiar with each setting and any possible challenges, reducing the element of surprise and helping you feel more in control when the moment comes (Linehan, 2015). 

Summon up in your mind the sights, sounds, and people involved. How might things unfold? 

Step 3: Identify Emotions and Reactions 

Now, think about the emotions each situation might bring up. 

Identifying these emotions ahead of time lets you prepare for how they might surface in the moment. For example, if you expect to feel anxious at a gathering, you can plan a specific coping technique to handle that anxiety when it arises (Linehan, 2015; Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

Step 4: Plan Coping Strategies 

With potential emotions in mind, it’s time to choose coping strategies that feel realistic and supportive.  

Choose one or two strategies for each scenario you envisioned in Step 2. Writing them down can help you commit to these plans and serve as a helpful reference if you need it later. 

Step 5: Mental Rehearsal 

This final step is all about visualization. Imagine yourself successfully managing each situation, using your chosen coping strategies. Picture yourself staying calm, politely asserting boundaries, or taking a needed breather. Mentally rehearsing these responses helps you feel more confident and ready when the real scenarios come up and emotions rise (Linehan, 2015). 

When we rehearse in our minds, we’re essentially practicing for the actual event. Spend a few minutes each day running through this mental rehearsal, especially in the days leading up to holiday events. 

Tips for Maximizing the Effectiveness of Cope Ahead 

Conclusion: Embracing a Mindful and Prepared Approach to the Holidays 

Using the DBT Cope Ahead skill offers a proactive way to manage holiday stress and emotions. By identifying potential stressors, planning your responses, and mentally rehearsing, you’ll approach holiday gatherings with greater confidence and resilience. This season, focus on enjoying the moments that matter most, knowing you’re ready to handle the challenges calmly and with intention. 

References 

 

couple giving eachother a gift next to Christmas TreeThe holiday season is often seen as a time for celebration, joy, and family togetherness. However, for many, it can also be a period of increased stress, family tensions, and emotional strain. As a relationship counselor and clinical sexologist based in Singapore, I often see the impact of these external pressures on sexual health and intimacy. The stress of the holiday season can reduce libido, while conflicts with family members may create emotional barriers between partners. However, with the right tools and strategies, couples can nurture their relationship and intimacy during this challenging time. 

How Holiday Stress Affects Sexual Health 

Increased stress levels during the holiday season can take a toll on both physical and emotional health. One of the most immediate effects of stress is its impact on libido. When individuals are stressed, the body releases cortisol, the “stress hormone,” which can suppress the production of sex hormones like testosterone. As a result, many people experience a reduced desire for intimacy during this time. 

However, it’s important to note that sexual health is not solely determined by libido. Emotional intimacy plays a significant role in maintaining a connection between partners. When stress accumulates, it can be harder to feel emotionally present, which may hinder the connection necessary for a fulfilling sexual relationship. 

Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays 

Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most effective ways to protect both your emotional and sexual health during the holidays. One of the biggest sources of stress during this time is often extended family interactions. Spending too much time with relatives or in close quarters can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, and frustration. 

To combat this, consider renting a nearby apartment or booking a hotel room for a bit of distance. Having a physical space to retreat to when needed can provide you and your partner with much-needed relief. Additionally, setting time boundaries is equally important. Make sure to carve out hours or entire days to focus on yourself or each other. For example, designate specific days for relaxation or intimacy, making it easier to reconnect when outside pressures are high. 

Nurturing Intimacy: Communication and Non-Verbal Cues 

In times of stress, effective communication becomes even more critical. However, communication isn’t limited to just verbal exchange—it also involves non-verbal cues. Non-verbal communication can be a powerful tool for maintaining emotional connection and sexual health. 

In the context of a busy or tense holiday season, pre-established non-verbal cues can help partners communicate needs without feeling overwhelmed or misunderstood. For instance, setting up a “safe word” or code phrase can signal to your partner that you need a break from a conversation or a family gathering. Non-verbal cues like a touch, a look, or pulling aside can also communicate the need for support or time alone without interrupting the flow of the moment. 

Other strategies to nurture intimacy include discussing boundaries around physical affection and emotional connection. Safe words, hand gestures, or gentle taps can help partners navigate through moments of heightened stress or discomfort. Creating these systems ensures both partners can manage their individual needs while also supporting each other emotionally and physically. 

Managing Grief and Emotional Challenges During the Holidays 

The holidays can also bring feelings of grief, loss, and emotional hardship. These emotions can add another layer of difficulty to an already stressful period. If you are grieving a loss or dealing with significant life changes, it’s crucial to be gentle with yourself and your partner. 

Grief often creates emotional distance, which may feel like a barrier to intimacy. However, physical closeness—whether through holding hands, cuddling, or other affectionate gestures—can provide comfort during this difficult time. It’s important to discuss how you’re feeling with your partner and work together to provide support and empathy. Being open about your emotional state can help maintain intimacy despite the sadness. 

While grief should be honored, couples should also prioritize small moments of connection, affection, and shared understanding. It’s vital not to neglect your relationship while you’re grieving. Check-in with each other, and be proactive about emotional support. Simple acts of love and care can strengthen your bond and help you cope together. 

Conclusion 

While the holiday season can indeed create tension in relationships, it doesn’t have to damage intimacy or sexual health. By setting healthy boundaries, using effective communication techniques (both verbal and non-verbal), and supporting each other through emotional challenges, couples can maintain a strong connection during this demanding time. Focus on the emotional and physical intimacy that nourishes the relationship, and prioritize self-care and mutual respect. The holidays may bring stress, but they also provide an opportunity to reconnect and nurture your relationship, building resilience for the months ahead. 

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee 

Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Masters in Counseling, she launched Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualized and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples who have unconsummated marriages, individuals with sexual inhibitions and discrepancies in sexual desire, men with erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. Dr. Lee welcomes all sexual orientations and is available for online and face-to-face consultations. Martha speaks English and Mandarin. 

She is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region (as of 2011) and is also an AASECT certified sexuality educator supervisor (as of 2018). She strives to provide fun, educational, and sex-positive events and is often cited in the media including Huffington Post, Newsweek, South China Morning Post, and more. She is the appointed Resident Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sg, OfZoey.sg, and Virtus Fertility Centre. She is the host of radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. In recognition of her work, she was named one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013),  Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019). 

 

golden star fir branches with red and gold The holiday season is here. There were Christmas trees in my local major department store before Halloween! I read an article this week that stated that it takes most of us 20 hours to prep for the holidays. That feels like a conservative estimate to me. The author of that article quipped that it’s about 18 hours too long! 

Whether you love the season or hate it, it’s here and hard to ignore. My daughter lives in France. Of course, they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Sometimes I feel sad that she doesn’t have the pleasure of sitting around a table with close family and friends eating the traditional meal. When repeated year after year, our rituals trigger memories and nostalgia. I miss her at this event now that she’s not here. 

For some people, these annual meals trigger only memories of family dysfunction—arguing, fighting, drunkenness, or disruptive behavior. Or perhaps, loneliness, as you find yourself home alone with a frozen dinner and a store-bought slice of pie. We barely get through Thanksgiving, when the “real” holiday season hits! Let’s say that you love December with all the hustle and bustle, festivities, obligations, and demands. That’s nice and thank goodness someone feels good about it. 

Or, let’s say that you truly hate it, feeling dread and anxiety. For many, it’s a time of grieving the loss of those who are missing through death, divorce, or long distance. Or perhaps you like it, but still feel a lot of anxiety. This is normal. We all live busy lives, filled with work, relationships, family and friends, and more stuff to do than hours in the day. Adding the business of the holidays is likely to send us spinning. 

What is the #1 issue, problem or concern that you have about the holidays? Perhaps you are feeling pressured to spend money, overeat or drink, be social, or full of joy? High expectations around this time of the year can lead to disappointment and even depression. 

Plan ahead and plan now. 

An important tip for managing is to plan ahead and to plan now. Get in control of the season, rather than having it control you. Decide what’s most important to you and let the rest of it go. If you enjoy written correspondence, then by all means, send out cards. If you love baking, then Google some recipes and start producing those cookies! Above all, do not let societal or family expectations pressure you into doing anything that drains you or creates resentment. 

Set appropriate boundaries. 

As long as you’re getting in control, remember to set appropriate boundaries with your families at this time of the year. Give yourself the freedom to make wise choices about where, when and how much time you want with them. If you travel to see parents, consider staying in a hotel and renting your own car. You don’t have to act 12 again or sleep in a twin bed in your childhood bedroom! If visiting the family is out of the question, give yourself the freedom to find the people you want to be with. Create a Family of Choice. Be good to yourself and create the joy you desire. 

Or, if you truly need some downtime to just relax and be alone, that’s okay too. Get out into nature—take a hike, go for some walks, or look at the ocean. Read some books. Visit an animal shelter to pet some kitties. Take some relaxing baths. Donate your time at a charity organization. Work out. Feed the birds. Smell the roses! Make yourself the star of this story. 

Identify holiday goals. 

If you are in an intimate relationship, try to work together to identify your holiday goals. Structure your holiday time and plan activities together that nourish your connection. I suggest that the two of you sit down and discuss the meaning of this season for you. Which traditions feel important to keep and what new ones do you want to create? 

The holidays are here. They’re not going away, despite my often-expressed wish that we could just have them once every two to three years. (I often say that about birthdays, too, now that I’m getting older). 

Here are ten ideas to help you sail through the holidays: 

  1. Take inventory of your holiday stress. 
  2. Eliminate as much of what bothers you as possible. 
  3. Structure your time. 
  4. Plan activities that nourish. 
  5. Give yourself the gift of self-exploration. 
  6. Stay in the present. 
  7. Remember to have gratitude for the good. 
  8. Show compassion for others. 
  9. Find meaning in the season. 
  10. Give the gift of time, laughter, and patience to yourself, children, friends, and family. 

Remember, if you are truly struggling and having a particularly difficult time during this holiday season, you might benefit from talking to a compassionate therapist. You can also call a Mental Health Hotline if your anxiety or depression feels severe. They will be happy to talk to you and get you the help you need. 

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) 

Or, if texting is easier: 

Crisis Text Line: Text “home” to 741741 

Whatever you choose to do, or wherever you go, I am wishing you peace during this Holiday Season. 

 

woman sitting at the table working with laptop at home around christmas treeThe holidays provide for perhaps one of the most joyful and yet the most stressful times of the year. The season affords each of us an opportunity to reflect on the special meaning of the holidays whether related to personal relationships, family, or religion. 

What are some things with which we must cope during the holiday? 

Family quarrels, busy friends, negative media focus, job difficulties, relationship pain, financial stress—all of this can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, and alone. 

Let’s look at some of the most common holiday stressors: 

Family Tensions

We put our responsibilities to family—children, parents, siblings—over all other relationships we maintain. To not do so would run against the fabric of our culture and would be irresponsible. 

During the holidays, family commitments increase. We envision how it SHOULD be. Where do those ideas come from? We see perfect happy families in: 

Reality seems to never quite measure up and the difference causes disappointment, hurt, confusion, and frustration.
Don’t expect everyone to get along. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to like everyone. If you’d prefer to spend time alone, do it! Or choose friends over family when possible. 

Don’t regress to your childhood self. Watch for triggers. Take a time out, go for a wall,k or just breathe. 

Remember to get regular exercise and don’t pick up mindless eating habits. Exercise and healthy eating can affect emotional well-being by relieving stress and raising spirits. 

If you’ve experienced the death of someone close to you, the holidays are when memories can come flooding back. Make the holidays meaningful by acknowledging what your loved one meant to you. Don’t try to suppress your feelings. The love you felt for the person is in those feelings. 

Loneliness

Conversely, having no family during the holidays can cause great stress and feelings of isolation and loneliness.
In this case, don’t focus on what you think others are doing—go out and do something yourself. 

  1. Escape the holiday environment (Walk in the woods, go to a place where the holidays are less prominent. 
  1. Volunteer: Go someplace where you are really needed: nursing homes, churches, hospitals, etc. 
  1. Visit a place of worship or any place that brings you meaning and comfort. 
  1. Invite a friend you haven’t seen in a while to dinner. 
  1. Call an anonymous Hot-Line. Click here for a full listing of where to call. 

Relationship Challenges

Because the holidays emphasize togetherness, relationship challenges are particularly difficult this time of year. 

If you’re in a shaky relationship, make a pact that you will be gentle with another through the holidays. Give each other the gift of signing up for my couples workshop on Valentine’s Day weekend! (Email me for the details! Therapy@mkcocharo.com) 

If you’ve recently broken up, don’t dwell on how much more fun you’d be having if you were still together. Don’t troll Facebook and Instagram to compare your sad life with everyone else’s highlight reels! 

If you’re tempted to call the Ex, try to remember why you broke up. Own your loneliness. Restarting things during the holidays rarely works and will make you feel worse later on. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Aim for a comfortable holiday, not a wonderful one. Forget what you think it’s supposed to look like based on media expectations and commercialism. 

Start by entertaining the notion that most of life’s disappointments wouldn’t be nearly as devastating if we kept our expectations more in line with reality. 

Think back to a time when something you were reluctant to do turned out to be not so terrible after all—that delicious moment when you thought to yourself: “That wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.” 

This revelation can bring a huge sigh of relief and remind us to hold expectations in check. Anytime we assume the worst, we set ourselves up for misery, even if the reality isn’t all that bad. 

Similarly, it can help to be realistic about your chances for a holiday that’s filled with nothing but serenity and happiness (hint: The odds are pretty low). Have you already forgotten about last year’s holiday dinner where everything wasn’t what you had hoped it would be? Have you vowed that this year things will be different? Of course, this wishful thinking assumes that you won’t be exhausted from cooking, cleaning, shopping, wrapping, and attending to all other holiday preparations, and that the people in your life will have new personalities! 

Your holiday may not be everything you want it to be. By choosing not to set your expectations unrealistically low or high, but instead allowing events to unfold however they do, you can help to eliminate the pain of disappointment from your holiday season. It will also help to cultivate a sense of humor and learn to laugh off all the less-than-perfect moments. 

My advice to you is to take a deep inventory of your relationship to the various aspects of the holiday season. Ask yourself, 

The Science of Happiness has shown that gratitude is your key to unlocking happiness and inner peace. 

Gratitude is being aware of and appreciating good things that happen and taking the time to express thanks. Praise and thanksgiving are an elevated form of prayer. It benefits your outlook, your attitude toward others, your mood, your health, your relationships, and your work. A gratitude-filled approach to life has the potential to enhance your general well-being both this holiday season and all year long. 

To make a daily gratitude list, take a piece of paper and divide it into four squares. In the top left corner, record 10 things that you’re grateful for. These can be large or small things. Example: I’m grateful that I had a hot shower, I’m grateful that my father is still alive, I’m grateful for my friends who love and support me in good times and bad, etc. 

In the top right corner, list three things that are challenging to you. Record situations, people, or any other obstacle in your way. Now write down what you’re learning from these challenges. 

In the bottom left corner of your page, list five people you’re thankful for, including family, friends, colleagues, or strangers who have made your life a little easier or happier. 

Finally, in the bottom right-hand corner of your page, record the best part of your day. Focus on this blessing before going to sleep. This is a surefire way to get a better night’s sleep and to wake up refreshed and eager to live another day. 

The beauty of keeping a gratitude list or journal is that it trains your mind to start looking for what’s positive throughout the day. 

Create New Memories

Make this the year to lay the foundation for many holidays to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By creating a fresh set of traditions you will be giving yourself and your children something to look forward to. 

By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again. 

Commit to Staying Conscious

We can accept or reject our causes of stress. Our choices are reflections of who we are as people. We can control our experiences of the holidays, or they can control us! 

Go out and create a miracle for yourselves this holiday season! See you in the New Year… 

 

Friends eating dinner togetherThe holidays can be an exciting time for many. Whether your schedule is filled with holiday-fueled events, or if it’s an opportunity to take a break from an already busy schedule, the month of December can be a very social month. In this month of holiday cheer, we can sometimes become absorbed in the festivities and forget about our social batteries. 

For this piece, a social battery will be defined as the amount of energy that is either taken away from or given to an individual through social interactions.  

During the season, our social battery is influenced by a wide range of socialization, such as engaging in pleasantries, gift-giving, or office/class parties. It can also be more intensive interactions such as a family member or friend crossing your boundaries, or political topics that may cause debates. 

How does a low battery feel? The symptoms can range on an emotional spectrum. Some may become more reserved, and agitated, while others may feel overall shut down emotionally. 

It is important to tend to your needs during the holidays and have check-ins during these social events. One way of doing this is finding a “you spot” wherever the festivities lead you. For example, let’s say you’re at your high-energy aunt’s house- all she wants to do is play holiday-related games that take up most of the party’s attention. She also happens to be the loudest person you know. Whether you directly or indirectly interact with this aunt, you start to feel less and less energized being in this environment due to the overstimulating components.  

In these moments, you can go to a “recharge station.” This spot can be a place you’ve already dedicated as an escape away from the event. In this place, for example, a bathroom, the basement, or a vacant room, you can perform some grounding techniques such as deep breathing, describing 5 things you can see in the room, or sitting down in silence and feeling the ground below you. Through this, you might notice your body feeling less stimulated and ready to get back to the action. In other words, you can take this time to recharge your battery. 

Setting Boundaries During the Holidays

Another note to keep in mind is that your boundaries matter. Although you may be surrounded by friends and family, you may feel that you cannot retreat to your own space, even if it’s for a brief time. Or you may find that friends and family may want you to engage in conversations or activities that you do not want to participate in. This can take away from your social battery. 

Charging your social battery does not necessarily only happen when you’re at the event, but it could be beneficial to start even before attending. This could look like listing your boundaries for the night before going to the party. While at the social engagement, however, noticing how your body reacts to the stimulation of the environment can be important. Do you feel your heart is racing? Are you feeling pressured into conversing? 

In these situations, it is important to express yourself- not wanting to engage and saying “no” is valid, and so are your feelings.  Try to remember that these are your holidays too. When you can tend to yourself and make sure you feel grounded and your social battery is charged enough, you are able to give more to others if that is what you choose to do. 

What happens when the opposite challenge happens, and you feel that others are not catching up with your energy or high-powered social battery?  

The holidays are also a way for many to reunite with loved ones that have not been seen in a while. It can also be a time for people to let loose and engage in the holiday cheer. In these cases, we tend to have an ideal image of what the holidays should look like. 

Unfortunately, our expectations may not meet the reality. Maybe your loved ones have gotten sick and cannot attend, or a snowstorm hits and it makes it difficult to travel. 

 In these cases, where we have a high-powered social battery but are met with disappointment, we still have options. One of these options is to have a
back-up social activity. 

Back-up Social Activities

Although the times of isolation from the pandemic had many more cons than pros, what we did see was the power of connectivity without being physically present. We were able to see different forms of bonding through platforms such as Zoom to spend time with one another. Planning out games or activities through these platforms can be a great way to still connect with loved ones. 

If you’re at a social gathering and feel the distance emotionally, other options can be to start small. In these situations, it may be important to see what is in your control and what is not. What isn’t in your control is the type of energy or personality others are bringing into a room. What is in your control is to still socialize and try to make connections with others. 

One way of doing this can be to find one person in the room that you feel drawn to and start off with basic conversation. Try to ask open-ended questions and share what you feel comfortable sharing about yourself. This type of interaction may help support social stimulation and ultimately help your social battery feel charged. 

Your social battery has a strong influence on how you bond with others, whether that is taking time away from them, or diving right into the mix of conversations and activities. In either scenario, the key theme is to interact with and listen to the cues from your body, your thoughts, and your feelings.  

Your awareness of your social battery can help enhance your holidays, so give yourself the best gift which is tending to and prioritizing your needs! 

GoodTherapy | Unwrapping Holiday Anxiety: A Therapist's Perspective on Navigating Festive StressThe holiday season, often synonymous with joy and celebration, can paradoxically bring about heightened anxiety. Let’s delve into some common holiday stressors and provide insights into managing and alleviating this seasonal tension so that we can enjoy the holiday season for what it is meant to be: a time to spread cheer, joy, and love.

Things we do that may unintentionally increase our holiday anxiety:

Neglecting a budget: Overspending is an easy slippery slope to find yourself on. Between Black Friday Deals, Cyber Monday, and every other advertisement and sale thrown your way, it can be easy to get sucked in by these alluring offers. Online shopping makes this even easier with constant “friendly” reminders about the sale items that have limited quantities left that are sitting in your cart, just waiting for you to click “confirm purchase.” This slippery slope eventually leads to buyer’s remorse, financial stress, and anxiety when the bills arrive.

Overcommitting

You love your family. You want to be a good parent, spouse, and child and show up for everyone. Unfortunately, scheduling too many activities while trying to accommodate everyone’s plans can lead to burnout and stress, which can lead to resentment and the failure to be present in the moment.

Perfection Expectations

America excels at selling the idea of perfection. Before most of us know it, we find ourselves striving for that unattainable “perfect” holiday experience. Ultimately, these unrealistic expectations set us up for subsequent disappointment.

Why holiday-related anxiety is common:

Expectations vs. Reality:

As a society, we are constantly being sold on extravagance and perfection, which inevitably lead to stress and disappointment.

Social Comparisons:

With the increased presence of social media, it is easier than ever to compare your holiday experience to the curated and filtered snapshots of others’ holiday experiences. This can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

Increased Responsibilities:

Most of us are already juggling a million things daily. Now add in hosting, gift-giving, cooking, and socializing; it’s not surprising that one finds oneself overwhelmed with heightened stress levels.

Tips for preventing holiday anxiety:

Set a Realistic Budget:

While gifts can be a way to show our love, it is important to remember the adage, “It’s the thought that counts.” Establishing a budget for gifts, decorations, and activities helps avoid financial strain, which can lead to additional stress and resentment. Remember, gifts don’t always have to cost money; spending time with someone or creating a homemade gift can be just as special, if not more meaningful. If you’re concerned about budgeting for gifts, don’t be afraid to have conversations with your loved ones; consider setting gift limits as a family or agreeing to spend quality time together doing something you love instead.

Prioritize Self-Care:

It is easy to get caught up in the idea that the holidays are a time of “self-care.” Yes, you often socialize with loved ones and indulge in sweets and delicious holiday meals. Still, you are also probably pushing your social battery more than usual. With the increase in one’s social calendar, it is essential to remember to schedule downtime for self-care activities, ensuring moments of rest and relaxation to recharge your battery.

Learn to Say No:

While it might be tempting to say yes to every holiday offer, whether it is from a sense of excitement or guilt, it is essential to remember you can say no. Practice setting boundaries by politely declining invitations or commitments that may overwhelm you. If you want to get together with the person, but the timing isn’t right, tell them you would love to schedule a time after the holidays once things have settled down.

Communicate Expectations:

It may feel slightly uncomfortable, but it is important to have open discussions with family and friends regarding holiday expectations to help ensure everyone’s perspectives are aligned. This helps clear up misunderstandings and prevents unspoken expectations that one is expected to live up to.

Ways to reduce holiday anxiety:

Reevaluate Expectations:

Take a breath and focus on the holidays’ essence. Adjust unrealistic expectations and focus on what truly matters rather than a cultivated idea of perfection.

Delegate Responsibilities:

Share tasks and responsibilities with friends and family members. Distributing the workload and speaking up when you need help can elevate some of the pressure. Remember, don’t assume people know when you are struggling; communication is key. Asking for help and voicing your concerns can prevent one from feeling overwhelmed and resentful.

Mindful Reflection:

Engage in mindful activities, reflecting on your feelings, acknowledging anxiety triggers, and utilizing tools to help manage stress. Journaling, meditating, and walking are great ways to take a moment for yourself, reflect, and alleviate anxiety.

Seek Support:

You are not alone. If things start to feel overwhelming, consider contacting a friend or therapist for support to provide a safe space to discuss and process your feelings.

How to make the holidays more peaceful and less stressful:

Embrace Simplicity:

Consider simplifying holiday traditions and focusing on meaningful experiences rather than an abundance of activities.

Prioritize Connection:

Prioritize quality time with loved ones over materialistic aspects. Foster genuine connections with those you care about. These are the moments and memories that truly matter.

Create Boundaries:

Establish and communicate clear boundaries with family and friends to minimize potential stressors.

Practice Gratitude:

Cultivate gratitude by reflecting on positive aspects of the holiday season, fostering a more positive mindset.

Incorporating these strategies can contribute to a more serene and enjoyable holiday experience. Remember, the holidays are an opportunity for connection, reflection, and joy. By navigating potential stressors with intentionality and self-awareness, you can create a season that aligns with your values and promotes overall well-being.

Important Notice

GoodTherapy is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.