Yoga session Have you awakened to a deeper sense of yourself, a connection to something beyond the physical world? A shift in spiritual consciousness can be a powerful and transformative experience, but it’s accompanied by a spectrum of emotions.  

While this journey can be exciting, it can also be challenging and overwhelming sometimes including an increase in anxiety or other mental health symptoms.  

As you navigate this new terrain, you might find yourself seeking guidance and support to understand your experiences, integrate them into your life, and find balance. This is where a therapist who understands your spiritual journey can be invaluable. 

The Journey of Spiritual Awakening 

Spiritual awakening is a personal process, but it often involves a shift in consciousness. You may experience heightened senses, a connection to nature that feels deeper than ever before, or a feeling of oneness with all things.  

You might also have vivid dreams, receive messages through intuition, or have a newfound sense of purpose. This expansion of spiritual consciousness can be incredibly exciting, but it can also be disorienting. 

Traditional Therapy and Holistic Therapy Explored 

Traditional therapy is important, and it can be helpful to improve mental health symptoms. It often focuses primarily on the mind and behavior which can be very helpful. However, it might not resonate with you if you’re seeking a holistic approach that integrates your spirituality and intuition. Holistic therapy, on the other hand, takes into account all of you; mind, body, and spirit.  

Perhaps you’ve had experiences like: 

Benefits of Therapy for the Spiritually Awakened 

The good news is, there are therapists who specialize in working with spiritually conscious individuals. These therapists understand the importance of intuition and spirituality in your healing journey. They can create a safe space for you to explore these aspects of yourself, helping you integrate your beliefs and abilities into your everyday life. 

Here’s what you can expect from a therapist who embraces your spiritual awakening: 

Finding the Perfect Fit 

Ultimately, the most important thing is finding a therapist who feels like the right fit for you.  

Don’t be afraid to interview a few therapists before making a decision. Here are some tips for finding a therapist who aligns with your needs: 

happy smiling young woman patient and woman psychologist at psychotherapy session

Living Your Awakening 

Integrating your spiritual awakening into your daily life is an ongoing process. Finding a therapist who resonates with your journey can be an expansive tool for growth and self-discovery.  

Trust your intuition, ask questions, and work with a therapist who understands and embraces the whole you. 

Sitting on floor in front of brick wall doing yoga exerciseIn ancient Greece, three doctors would see a patient together. They were the “knife” doctor, the “herb” doctor, and the “word” doctor. The people who “invented” medicine understood there was a connection between the mind and body and practiced accordingly. Our modern-day Western counterparts (surgeons, physicians, and therapists) rarely even speak with one another.

There is increasing evidence the ancient Greeks were right: Our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes can affect our biological functioning, and what we do with our physical bodies can affect our mental state. In fact, until about 300 years ago, most systems of medicine treated the mind and body as a whole. It wasn’t until the 17th century that Western cultures began to see the body and mind as distinct entities. Researchers began revisiting the mind-body connection in the late 20th century, and since then, they have compiled an impressive amount of data that indicates our bodies and minds share a common chemical language and are constantly communicating with each other. In this article, I will introduce just four of the ways research demonstrates this connection between the mind and body.

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Perhaps the most obvious of our examples is the effect of chronic stress, which we often think of as a state of mind, on physical health. Our bodies are designed to handle small doses of mental or emotional stress, and some of it is necessary for us to stay on top of our responsibilities and to remain safe in our environments. But we are not equipped to handle chronic stress without consequences.

Chronic stress can come from things like concern about a loved one’s health or well-being, living in unsafe conditions, money problems, excessive workloads, and so on. The experience of chronic stress causes an increase in heart rate, breathing to quicken, muscles to tighten, and blood pressure to rise. Most symptoms of chronic stress are physical: headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension or pain, sleep problems, chest pain, fatigue, changes in sex drive. Stress also causes an increase in the hormone cortisol, which researchers have linked to serious health issues.

One of the most extreme examples in the literature of how chronic emotional stress can affect the body is informally called “broken heart syndrome.” The experience of stress, due to a failed relationship, grief, or other significantly stressful reason, can cause a part of one’s heart to enlarge and fail to pump as well as usual. This enlargement can lead to temporary but severe heart failure. The New England Journal of Medicine published a study in which hormones such as adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol released in the body due to chronic stress or grief were identified as the culprit for broken heart syndrome. Researchers found treating this kind of heart failure with traditional pharmacology would not be effective, whereas psychotherapy focusing on emotional management might help alleviate the problem.

It is important we recognize the connection between our bodies and minds if we want to feel our best. Therapists could ask people in their care to visit their doctors to check vitamin levels and screen for thyroid or GI issues if dealing with depression and fatigue. Doctors could consider chronic stress as a health hazard and encourage patients to speak with a licensed counselor when appropriate.

Another common example of how the mind can affect the body is the placebo effect. Dr. Lissa Rankin, founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute and author of Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself, reported “patients in clinical trials who received sugar pills, saline injections, or fake surgeries, but believe they might be getting the new wonder drug or miracle surgery, get better 18% to 80% of the time.” Conversely, other studies showed many medical students report developing symptoms suggestive of the illnesses they are studying. They are worried they are sick or will get sick, and their bodies comply by getting sick. Fear fills our bodies with harmful cortisol and epinephrine, while positive beliefs relax our nervous systems and allow our bodies to heal.

Now let’s switch from how the mind can affect the body’s ability to function properly to a couple of examples of how the body may affect the mind.

Gut health is an emerging field of medicine that seeks to balance healthy bacteria in the gastrointestinal system and improve digestion and nutrient absorption to increase both physical and emotional well-being. Researchers and doctors are finding new connections with the gastrointestinal tract and mental health all the time. There is a network of 100 million neurons that line the gut which is often called the “second brain.” The gut produces 95% of the serotonin, and 50% of the dopamine, found in our bodies. We have already linked these chemicals to well-being and stress management. A disruption or imbalance of these chemicals and the GI microbiota may lead to depression, while balancing the gut bacteria and improving nutrient absorption may have a positive effect on mental health.

Another way the body can influence how we think, feel, and behave is through body position, posture, gestures, and facial expressions. In a study published in the journal Psychological Science in 2010, people who sat or stood in expansive “power” poses for just one minute not only reported feeling more powerful and confident, but also had an increase in testosterone and a decrease in cortisol.

Conclusion

To review, the mind and body communicate in many ways, and most of them seem to have something to do with a shared chemical or hormonal language. Stress can affect health to the level of causing severe heart problems, and beliefs about our health (as illustrated by the placebo effect) can produce positive or negative results in physical well-being. We also know a healthy gut health can improve mental health, and certain postures may lower cortisol and raise testosterone, causing one to feel more powerful and confident.

It is important we recognize the connection between our bodies and minds if we want to feel our best. Therapists could ask people in their care to visit their doctors to check vitamin levels and screen for thyroid or GI issues if dealing with depression and fatigue. Doctors could consider chronic stress as a health hazard and encourage patients to speak with a licensed counselor when appropriate. All of us can do our best to pay attention to how our bodies and minds are communicating about our health and mental states and start acting on what helps us be well.

References:

  1. Cuddy, A. J.C., Wilmuth, C. A., & Carney, D. R. The Benefit of Power Posing Before a High-Stakes Social Evaluation. Harvard Business School Working Paper, No. 13-027, September 2012.
  2. Kleisiaris, C. F., Sfakianakis, C., & Papathanasiou, I. V. (2014). Health care practices in ancient Greece: The Hippocratic ideal. Journal of Medical Ethics and History of Medicine, 7, 6.
  3. Rankin, L. (2012). Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.
  4. Templin, C., Ghadri, J., Diekmann, J., et al. (2015, September 3). Clinical Features and Outcomes of Takotsubo (Stress) Cardiomyopathy. New England Journal of Medicine.
  5. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2014, October 8). What Is Broken Heart Syndrome? National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute. Retrieved from https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/broken-heart-syndrome

Man wearing t-shirt and sweats looks out window of high-rise building, hands clasped behind headNo matter how comfortable you may be with your sexuality, the idea of sex therapy can be intimidating. Many of the people I work with in sex therapy struggle with sexual functioning or desire, issues that often come loaded with complicated emotions such as anxiety. These things can be difficult to talk about, let alone try to do something about—even when it is understood that the person you’ve enlisted to help you is a compassionate and nonjudgmental professional.

For men in particular, socialization related to sexuality can add to these complexities. Although not uncommon, the experiences of premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction can bring deep feelings of shame—even in committed relationships with partners who are understanding and patient. Many men are socialized to believe sex should be easily enjoyable and they should always be in control. When it doesn’t work out this way, some may feel intensely inadequate or weak. Men in these situations may question their worth as partners and even as human beings. If a partner isn’t understanding or patient, these feelings can be amplified.

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As a sex therapist, I am trained in specific techniques that men can utilize to resolve a variety of sexual concerns. However, these techniques are often insufficient in addressing premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Given the complexity of these issues, holistic sex therapy can play an important role.

It’s natural to seek out strategies that focus on physical functioning—the most obvious symptoms of sexual issues—but sex is more complicated than that. There are thoughts, narratives, emotions, and processes associated with the act of sex. These elements can greatly affect desire and pleasure. They can also impact bodily control and responses.

Sensory issues must also be addressed. The body tells its own story. Sometimes this story matches up well with the mind’s story about a problem, other times not so much. In these situations, people can benefit from learning about the activation cycles of their bodies—knowledge they can then incorporate into their sex lives.

It’s natural to seek out strategies that focus on physical functioning—the most obvious symptoms of sexual issues—but sex is more complicated than that. There are thoughts, narratives, emotions, and processes associated with the act of sex.

Holistic sex therapy is also about identifying cultural and social narratives surrounding sex. Not only can this exploration help people understand some of the roots of what they experience, it can also help them learn about ways their sexuality has been impacted, and how their bodies respond to these ingrained stories. Through sharing and understanding, validation can lead to healing and growth. It can also lead to sexual confidence that reflects acceptance of these influences while also challenging them.

Religion and spirituality can also play a role. These two elements can be related, of course, but they can also be very different. In fact, they can even contradict each other. Certain forces of religion, when deeply embedded, can overtake a person’s ability to sexually express themselves. Meanwhile, spiritual meaning can be difficult to ascertain.

In holistic sex therapy, self-esteem work is also relevant. When people recognize the barriers that are leading to their sexual issues, they may have to rediscover what they value about themselves.

Certainly, relationship issues can be a factor as well. Many men masturbate with no problems but struggle with sexual function with partners. Sometimes, this can be related to feelings about partners and their expectations, which may or may not be based in reality. When men unpack this in therapy, they’re typically better able to see what’s getting in the way of arousal, control, and desire.

Sound like a lot? Well, that’s because it can be. Sex can be complex, especially when you delve beyond the presenting physical issues and explore emotions and cultural influences. It’s rarely just one thing. Although many people tend to think of sex as primarily a physical act, there’s a lot more to it. Therapy that doesn’t explore these often hidden aspects does a disservice to the people who seek it.

Woman in kitchen with coffee cupThere is a range of both situational and organic causes of depression. Genetics can also play a role in depression; new studies in something called epigenetics have proven that it only takes one generation of mice to pass down a fear of something that parental mice had a bad experience with.

The theory which drives much of present-day pharmaceutical intervention, espousing that low serotonin is a cause of many depressive states, has not been proven. What we do know is that making serotonin more available in the brain can shift the depressive symptoms. However, it is now becoming clear that people who take antidepressants (most common are serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are more susceptible to recurrences of depression through their lives than people who do not use these medications.

I am concerned that this approach may be prescribing a life sentence of an ongoing struggle between depression and medication for people who take antidepressants rather than allowing a natural state to facilitate change and growth. Also of grave concern to me is the way that we have forever shifted culture by trying to rid ourselves of uncomfortable symptoms while perpetuating a belief system that only positive feelings are acceptable. This is not in sync with the cycles of nature in any way.

We forget we are of the natural world. This approach does not understand that symptoms are only a small part of what really needs our attention. Our culture’s classic symptom-oriented response leads to exactly what the word depression describes: a condition of “pressed-down energy”—-stuck energy that may be very important to look at, exploring the meaning of the situation and allowing it to influence our life choices, leading eventually to change that will re-establish and support the life flow.

The Role of Serotonin

Regarding current chemical trends in treatment, let’s look briefly at what we do know about serotonin: it (along with melatonin and other chemicals) is a neurotransmitter and neural protector that is incorporated into every neural network on the planet, as well as within the human body. Serotonin acts as an information carrier (neurotransmitter), a hormone transmitter, and a modulator of various tissues. It regulates neural networks that refine the communication between the brain and the heart, allowing them to work as a cohesive system.

Serotonin plays a huge role in neuroplasticity (growth of new neural networks in the brain), which is necessary for any living adaptive system. It helps to unify the entire brain into a cohesive biological system by modulating the brain and central nervous system, and continually altering the chemistry of target neurons. It influences form, influences sensory and motor neurons in order to track the source of stimuli from outside the system, and regulates the information that comes to us through our senses.

Serotonin neurons are in our heart, brain, digestive system, and immune system, and are activated by stimuli outside of the body. Serotonin exists (in the body) in any place we touch the outside world and the outside world touches us; it is the interface. As information touches the neural network the serotonin neurons coordinate our physiological response.

The serotonin chemical is highly reactive to any kind of change in the environment. It modulates the information received through our senses, the sensory gating channels. As sensory inflows occur it narrows or opens the gates to what becomes our awareness. In depression it would appear that these gating channels are narrowed and do not allow the sufferer to have a complete picture of his here and now situation.

The Body Connection

Over 70% of the serotonin in our body is manufactured in the gut, so I would assume this would be a good place to begin the exploration of dealing with depression—looking at the condition of the gut flora, the diet, and the overall physical health of the person with depression. Some depressions are simply caused by poor physical health which needs to be remedied.

For others, depression may be situational. In this case, I think it is important not to seek to suppress the experience, but to facilitate the cycle that one is in, so that the meaning of the mood issues can be perceived and lead to a new way of being rather than be pushed back to status quo. Herbs that can support this process as well as other etiology will be listed later in this paper.

These days, it is rare to find a person whose depression hasn’t been perceived from the perspective that to be “down” is an illness, rather than a part of the rhythm of life. And while I understand the extremely high severity and difficulty in some cases, I repeat that I think we have exacerbated depression through suppression of a natural cycle.

Situational depression happens for more reasons that we can count, and many that we don’t understand. Some causes are that a person might be recovering from loss or trauma, or dealing with unmet needs from another stage of life. Especially potent are the unmet needs of childhood that leave some aspect of the person stuck in an earlier stage of development, despite the progression of the body through time. This is seen as soul loss in some cultures.

Depression is often related to the feeling of helplessness that leads to a state of despair and of giving up. It is extremely important for the person to explore and acknowledge the meaning of the depression and take the difficult steps to remedy their situation—whether something is not working in their present day reality, or there are unprocessed stimuli from a past experience, as seen in posttraumatic stress (PTSD) or soul loss.

Often it may be a combination of the two, the present-day situation triggering the old issue and making it difficult to perceive the present accurately. When we look at the role of serotonin and how it modulates information from outside it is easy to see how, if we ignore either the difficult life situation or the old material, we can upset the inherent regulatory balance of the chemicals involved.

Depression: Physical, Psychic, or Both?

My main orientation to mental health and depression grows from a Reichian perspective—anything that is suppressed will come out in other ways, because energy needs to move. Energy is just information, something that comes to do the work of informing us of something. This is similar to the way electric currents run through a wire or water through a hose. Its nature is to move.

In my work at Body-Psychotherapy of Seattle, I look to open the compromised system and restore the flow of life on the five levels of existence: the body, emotions, thinking mind (thoughts), actions (will/ behavior) and the “big mind” (spiritual/etheric influence of a person). The point is to create an integration of a person’s life experience between these five realms so they work in coherence with one another rather than, for example, overusing the thoughts to justify one’s actions or to deny one’s difficult emotions.

Working physically with the body is important to me because whatever physiological and muscular reaction we have to the external environment become involuntary reaction patterns wired into the nervous and muscular systems. These responses are set into motion when the body senses something that remotely resembles a past compromising situation, even if that is not happening in the present. Over time, chemical reactions and the associated muscle memory create strong, overused muscles that become an actual physical armoring that keeps us stuck reliving our early life experiences over and over again.

One of the major challenges of depression in our culture is the necessity to be high functioning all of the time. I would approach depression very differently if we had a society that had built-in flexibility to allow people to adjust to these natural cycles when they beckon. Chronic stress and feeling a lack of meaning in life contribute to, if not cause, depression. This creates a real dilemma in finding healthy responses.

Putting Phytotherapy into Practice

Herbs can play a major role in supporting a person’s entire system to meet the demands placed on it while undergoing a difficult change process. It is important that an herbalist refrain from trying to be the sole health care provider for someone with serious depression. It is important to have a guide (or several) working together to negotiate all levels (body, emotions, thinking, behavior, etc.) into synchronicity.

I am less and less comfortable giving out lists of herbs for certain conditions. I think that an herbalist must have his or her own allies to call upon in order to promote health in another. It is our relationship and our experience with the plants that that charge the treatment. But I can suggest some approaches to choosing herbs.

First, be sure to think about the person’s constitution and match herbs to the unique disposition. In Ayurvedic medicine, there are three dosha, which are elements that make up a person’s composition. Everyone has a different combination of these elements, which may become unbalanced to unhealthy levels. Different substances can affect the traits of the dosha in different ways, so it’s important to tailor the remedy to the person.

For example, do not give a drying herb to someone with an aggravated dry (Vata) state; this is a person who might have dry mucous membranes and an airy personality, and be easily distracted. Nor should you give sweet herbs to a Kapha, a person who is overly earthy, lacking expression, and slow moving. They would do better with spicy or bitter remedies, those that might confuse and exacerbate the symptoms of a Vata person.

As you can see, the symptoms of depression will manifest differently in different constitutions; basically each constitution will be exaggerated in its imbalanced state. A Pitta person may be agonizingly irritable and restless, a Vata will demonstrate confusion and lack of concentration, and a Kapha will cover all of the windows and stay in bed for months.

All of these are common symptoms and may co-occur in one person, but look closely to see the subtleties and with practice you will be guided in choosing appropriate herbs. Overall, herbal remedies for depression need to be stimulating (to get things moving) as well as nourishing to the body and soothing to the nervous system.

More Tips for Internal Stability During Depression

People in any depression should avoid as many environmental toxins as possible; eat organic foods; and avoid caffeine, sugar, and processed foods. They should surround themselves with a natural, nonstimulating environment.

Promote healthy gut flora through the use of probiotics and regular elimination practices. If one’s feces smell strongly, be sure to take this as a warning sign from the gut.

For a period of time, promote good elimination through the use of herbs like Aloe, Rhubarb, Licorice, and Pasqueflower, or use bitters such as Dandelion or Gentian Root. This is going to be especially important in working with people with the cold, damp constitution, as they will tend toward a slower metabolism. But the Pitta and Vata may also have absorption problems for different reasons.

After creating a well-functioning environment in the gut, use alteratives (a category of herbs with tonic effects) to support the liver in removing toxins from the body. Dandelion and Pasqueflower, as mentioned above, are also categorized as alteratives. Many good blends are available. One I make for myself includes Ashwaganda, Burdock, Red Clover (for the blood), and Yellow Dock.

Extremely important is the use of nervines—beneficial plants—throughout the treatment course to soothe the nervous system and calm anxiety. Some of my favorites: Lemon Balm, Scullcap (especially helpful for racing or obsessive thought patterns typical of a Vata or Pitta person), Rosemary, Passion Flower, and Milky Oats (which would be good for a Pitta person, as it is so cooling and damp). And, of course, the use of St. John’s Wort should also be considered in depressive states—although studies suggest it works best in moderate cases. The sun herbs, like St. John’s Wort, Hawthorne, Rosemary, and Frankincense (as aromatherapy), are especially good in seasonal depressive states.

All depression treatments must include getting out into natural light on a regular basis; even if it is dark and cloudy, this will have a positive effect. Moving the body through walking or exercise is also crucial, but especially hard to facilitate in the person with a Kapha constitution.

After supporting the liver and the nervous system, look to adaptogens—stabilizing herbs—to put some zing back in the kidney and adrenal systems, as these are heavily taxed in depression. There are many wonderful adaptogens; I vary my blends regularly to get a sense how the different herbs work and work together.

Always use herbs you are familiar with, so you can sense how they are affecting you or, if you are a therapist, your client. I love Schisandra, Ashwagandha, Polygonum, Gotu Kola, Astragalus, Rhodiola, Dong Quai, Ginseng, and Motherwort.

Wisdom in Worldly Healing

For me, the most important treatment guidance is taken from the practices of other cultures. In South America and Africa, shamans travel between the worlds to resolve soul loss, some of which is described above. Much of the work I do involves treating soul loss of several types, but, different from the indigenous practices, I like to make sure that I have fully prepared all aspects of a person’s system so that they can retain the results long after the treatment ends. I do the scouting and the guiding, but my style also puts the onus of the work on the client: with my help they bring awareness to their old patterns and interrupt them via interventions (for example by thought-stopping, a cognitive behavioral therapy intervention).

I teach them how meet the old underlying need, building relationship and nurturing the young parts of themselves from within. Over time and with vigilance, the information that once ran through neural network systems in predictable, outdated, and problematic patterns can begin to pool as if in a dam, and finally overflow to form new neural networks that better fit the current reality.

Another model that I always have in mind with depression is from ancient mythology involving the underworld. Persephone is a Goddess who was abducted to the underworld by Hades. She faced many challenges there. But up above her mother Demeter searched and held ground for her until she was returned. Innana of the Sumerians traveled the same journey, having to face the fierce Goddess Ereshkigal in the underworld until her time came to be released. This is this same journey that one takes through the belly of depression. An herbalist working on these levels might consider using Spagyric Essences, alchemically prepared herbal remedies which can positively affect depressive states. They are prepared by first distilling the essential oil, the Soul, out of the plant; then leaving the hydrosol and plant matter to ferment and distilling the alcohol from that. This is the Spirit level of the plant. The remaining plant matter is purified through fire until it is reduced to white ash from which the mineral salts, the Body of the plant, is extracted. All three are put back together to form a remedy that works on the etheric levels to create change beyond the body. That change trickles down to the body and facilitates health. Organic Unity carries a line of Spagyric Essences that are made from wildcrafted plants, prepared according to corresponding astrological influences and infused with healing prayers and love. In my experience, this care makes a huge difference in the potency of the remedy and its impact on the client. I highly recommend them.

Finally, I think that the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a severely depressed person is that they must not be left on their own. Like Demeter, someone must hold space for them and watch for them from above, creating an anchor to the larger world. This space must be held by someone who is not afraid of the dark. Someone who is patient and kind, wise and strong. A practitioner with knowledge of the territory, a big loving heart, and good boundaries!

Girl hiding in scarfRecently, my son told me of a situation he had decided to avoid. To sum it up, he said, “I’d rather protect than subject.” I thought this encompassed many lessons in a concise way.

How often do we subject ourselves to situations we know will be unpleasant? How often do we choose to see people we know will deplete us, go to an event we would really rather skip, or say yes when every cell is screaming no?

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Healthy self-care depends on our ability to set boundaries. Assertively creating the life you want includes saying no—and sticking to it, as opposed to saying no and letting people cajole you into saying yes. By staying true to your goal of treating yourself well, you can push out of the comfort zone of not disappointing anyone and actually say no as many times as is necessary for someone to hear you. Typically, this takes a few repetitions. The good news is you just have to repeat yourself. There’s no need to say it in a different way. The easiest response is often, “I am sorry I won’t be able to do that; I have other plans.” No one needs to know what your plans are. You may want to spend the afternoon staring into space, writing a dissertation, or taking a nap. It doesn’t matter. Just saying the same sentence again and again in a kind, patient, gentle way will do the trick.

Good self-care also requires a willingness to look at one’s life and see where it could be more balanced. Are you spending an inordinate amount of time at work? Are you experiencing compassion fatigue from caring for a relative? Does your life feel swamped with errands and chores? Are you studying into the wee hours? Exercising to a state of exhaustion? By taking a look at the major areas of your life, you can quickly see if you are giving short shrift to rest, relaxation, social time, solitude, quiet, dancing, nature, journaling, music, or anything else that rejuvenates your body, mind, and spirit. Start by carving out even five minutes to sit quietly, have a cup of tea, or close your eyes. Making the conscious decision to take time to be still can be far more challenging than staying on the activity treadmill. Once you give yourself the gift of stopping and simply being, the rewards will keep you coming back.

Protecting yourself from your own internal litany of self-criticism is also important. How do you talk to yourself? Are you quick to put yourself down? Sometimes, protecting yourself means learning to be more tender with your own feelings, including your emotional responses to life’s slings and arrows. Creating an inner dialogue of supportive, positive, loving messages will have a profound effect on your relationship with yourself. A good way to start is to read a list of affirmations and write down a few that really resonate with you. I am especially fond of Louise Hay’s approach: Look in the mirror every day and say, “I love you. I really, really love you.” As supremely simple as this sounds, it is amazingly powerful.

On a more mundane level, self-protection entails daily rituals of eating, sleeping, and getting some fresh air. How conscientious are you with these basic life tasks? Most Americans get far too little sleep, which sets the stage for disease, crankiness, and deep fatigue. How is your diet? Are you eating five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day? It is not that hard to do. Try a handful of baby carrots, a bowl of bean soup, some fruit and cereal, a stir-fry or salad. Each of these foods will improve your mood, bolster your immune system, and provide you with the energy you need to better navigate your day. Make eating well a priority and watch your sense of well-being improve. While you are at it, make sure you eat frequently enough. Eating infrequently is another emotional saboteur, as low blood-sugar levels wreak havoc on your ability to feel stable, patient, and resilient. So, don’t let more than four hours pass without a snack or meal—and please eat breakfast.

On the topic of food, there is an ever-increasing amount of research being done on the beneficial effects of probiotics on all aspects of health—especially immunity and mood. Whether you eat sauerkraut, tempeh, yogurt, kefir, cheese, or dark chocolate (yes, chocolate is a fermented food), having some of these every day ensures a healthy gut.

Last, but not least, being aware of how things affect you is crucial to doing everything I’ve mentioned. Whether it is awareness of how you respond to someone’s tone of voice and asking them to speak to you differently, paying attention to feeling tired and actually going to sleep, or eating before you are starving, the greater your awareness, the greater the chances you will take better care of yourself. If you find yourself rushing through your day, try to carve out some solitude for yourself. By sitting with your breath and watching the parade of thoughts as they pass across your mind, you soothe your nervous system and begin to understand the transitory nature of everything.

Remember, you are a work in progress. The next time you think you have subjected yourself to someone or something that was disturbing, unhealthy, or even toxic, use it as an opportunity to be more aware in the future. Growth and change happen incrementally. Be thankful you could be aware of the situation’s effect on you, and resolve to head it off at the pass the next time.

Woman meditatingAt first glance, the injunction to bless and release sounds just beautiful, and so evolved. On reflection, it is missing a crucial component: learning from the experience before you let it go. Jumping right to bless and release without first opening to the lesson is like putting a Band-Aid on a broken leg. You may think you did something helpful, but it’s a superficial solution.

If it were that easy to just bless and release, people would forgive far more readily, and generally move through relationship roadblocks and inner conflicts with ease. As you know, nothing could be further from the truth.

If you take stock of a situation, ask yourself what you could glean from it, and then consciously open your heart, you will be more able to truly bless the people involved and let it go. The psychic lightness you experience as a result comes from true detachment.

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In Buddhism, the concept of detachment is often misunderstood. It does not mean detaching your love and caring from someone; rather, it is detachment from outcome. This requires an understanding of your expectations, even when they are not readily accessible. It’s just another good reason to take time to meditate, as it allows previously buried thoughts and feelings to emerge from your unconscious to your conscious mind.

Once you are aware of your expectations, i.e., your attachment to certain outcomes, you can work to release them. The first step in letting go is acknowledging the hold they have on you. Is there a pattern of thinking, judging, reacting, or expecting that has dogged you in the past? If so, please resist the temptation to blame yourself. Trust that you were doing the best you could, and refuse to enter the cycle of self-criticism, as it will only impede your progress.

Accepting other people’s different ways of being and behaving is a wonderful goal. Like all major cognitive and heart-opening shifts, it does not happen overnight. A good way to start is by being aware of your thought patterns, behaviors, and physical responses to certain people and situations. If you sense a tightness in your chest or abdomen, ask yourself what you might be thinking about someone’s behavior. Are you judging it? Are you being critical of his or her way of handling something? Are you comparing how you would do things differently? Breathe into whatever tightness you feel. Give yourself a cosmic permission slip to have those initial reactions without resorting to self-condemnation. Then ask yourself: “How would I rather think and feel about this person?”Imagine reacting that way. Use all five senses to really feel the difference. Now, notice any changes in your body.

If you like how you think and feel after that exercise, you may be ready to bless. Following the teaching of the Buddha on metta, or loving-kindness meditation, bless yourself first. To Western minds, this may appear selfish, but it sets the stage for opening your heart to others. Once you feel that positive intention toward yourself, you can bless the other person. A classic invocation is: “May you be peaceful, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering.”

If that felt good, let it all go. This is easier said than done, as humans can’t erase memories at will; however, you can let go of any residual negative feelings, such as anger, resentment, or jealousy, especially if you feel yourself joyfully moving forward.

Letting go is powerful psychological medicine when it is done with a truly forgiving heart. Be patient with yourself as you traverse this new territory, and practice self-forgiveness as it paves the way to being more loving and understanding of others.

Close up of person meditatingI first met Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), about 35 years ago. Soon after I became an Associate Fellow and a Supervisor with the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City, and was a died-in-the-wool devotee for decades.

Al was open to all of us adding or subtracting a variety of techniques, whether meditation, homeopathy, yoga philosophy, or anything else, as he had already incorporated disparate ideas from areas as diverse as Buddhism and behaviorism. He wanted each therapist to put his or her own stamp on their ways of working, although I believe he assumed we would all keep the REBT skeleton beneath whatever robes we draped it in.

Rigid, dogmatic thinking was not the coin of his realm. In fact, he loved to engage in lively discussions of all therapeutic techniques and was happy to incorporate anything he believed would help shift a client to becoming more unconditionally self-accepting.

Of course, like any parent, he was proud and delighted when his baby, REBT (the precursor of cognitive behavioral therapy [CBT]), would be “proven” to be effective in alleviating depression, anxiety, anger issues, or anything else, as it was with 40-plus years’ worth of studies.

This plethora of evidence-based practice studies that have lauded the effects of REBT and CBT is what led to the Swedish government’s decision to invest heavily in training clinicians to provide CBT to people with depression and anxiety and spend no money on training or treatment in other modalities. Naturally, the Swedish government was a bit shocked when a recent study showed that training therapists in and treating clients with CBT had little or no effect.

In response to these findings, Scott D. Miller, Ph.D. wrote: “The widespread adoption of the method has had no effect whatsoever on the outcome of people disabled by depression and anxiety.  Moreover, a significant number of people who were not disabled at the time they were treated with CBT became disabled.”

Apparently, this has not deterred the American Psychological Association from resurrecting its plan to draft and promulgate a series of guidelines pushing specific treatments for different mental health issues.

Dr. Miller and his colleagues at the International Center for Clinical Excellence have analyzed many studies showing little difference between treatment approaches in terms of outcome. They argue that all approaches work almost as well, and efforts to target specific treatments for each psychiatric diagnosis are not an effective use of time and money.

Dr. Miller recently talked about what works in behavioral health and recommended shifting the focus to designing client-tailored services rather than spending so much energy on examining specific treatment models and techniques. Meanwhile, Sweden has decided to end the exclusive use of CBT for the treatment of anxiety and depression, realizing that people need to have therapy choices.

As a holistic psychotherapist for almost 40 years, I think it is obvious when treatment is working: people self-report feeling better. They engage in life more fully, sleep better, take better care of themselves, and have more satisfying relationships and more meaningful life experiences.

As much as it can be wonderfully useful to study psychological modalities, theories, and philosophies, at the end of the day it all boils down to whether the person has been helped or not. Using evidence-based practice studies as a Procrustean bed will only cause pain and prolong suffering, just as the original one tried to stretch or shrink people to fit its specifications.

Source:
Miller, S. D. (May 13, 2012). Revolution in Swedish mental health practice: The cognitive behavioral therapy monopoly gives way. Retrieved from http://www.scottdmiller.com/?q=node%2F160&goback=%2Egde_53475_member_125725759

Related articles:
What is CBT?
Deep Breathing and Guided Imagery
When Someone Really Listens, We Heal

Woman sitting on bench near beachA death, divorce, illness, sudden unemployment, or any major loss can create chaos in your life. This emotional fracturing, as well as the practical aftershocks of dealing with estates, lawyers, housing, finances, and doctors often yields intense feelings that can be overwhelming.

When you can’t assimilate another thing, it is crucial to just stop. Even if you have never meditated, simply sitting or lying down and paying attention to your breath can calm your nervous system and give you the literal breather you need.

If it is too hard to stay still, take a walk. It is imperative you give yourself a break from the internal chatter and incessant activity that may be consuming every waking moment. When you think you do not have a minute to sit, lie down, or walk, that is when you need the break the most. Take it, and watch the world continue to spin on its axis.

Practice Beginner’s Mind, Witness Consciousness, and Self-Compassion

[fat_widget_grief_right]A big part of healing through grief is connecting with yourself while putting all the parts back together in a new way that makes you feel safe and whole. This process of reconnecting all the emotional, physical, and spiritual dots can be an exhausting and chaotic ride. One minute, there is a sense of control and growing mastery; the next, you are surfing a sea of feelings.

Part of the immediate task is showing up with what yogis call beginner’s mind and witness consciousness. Beginner’s mind refers to an attitude of openness when approaching something new—without preconceived notions—just as a beginner would. This particular grief experience is terra incognita; you haven’t had it before. By abandoning all your ideas about how you “should” feel or behave, you allow yourself to safely feel what is true in the moment. That cosmic permission slip, coupled with open awareness, allows you to fully experience the moment and all it entails emotionally. While you may want to run from it, the only way out is through it. Avoidance may provide short-term relief, but it often brings long-term pain.

Achieving witness consciousness means retraining your mind to detach enough for objectivity. It is practicing watching something with a neutral perspective and not identifying with it. Both of these yogic techniques encourage you to leave your ego outside. You might never succeed in completely detaching from your ego, but these practices can allow you to experience the freedom and joy of not taking everything personally, while enhancing your chances for greater inner peace.

Beginner’s mind, witness consciousness, and self-compassion can be the trifecta for healing from almost anything. They shore you up, increase your perspective, and allow for enough detachment to see things more clearly.

Simple Routines Can Help Ease the Chaos

Just as in yoga, where each visit to the mat reveals something new, the process of unraveling the threads of grief is fresh every minute. Whether it’s a crying spell, a fit of anger, guilt, or deep sadness, recognizing how each one is unique can keep you open to change and transformation.

The chaos of grief is sometimes caused, in part, by the old issues it triggers, such as abandonment and posttraumatic stress. During times of acute emotional turmoil, being gentle with yourself can ease the pain. Recognizing unhelpful thought patterns and challenging them as much as possible may help you to feel better and more in control.

The chaotic emotional fallout of grief can also be assuaged by establishing simple routines, such as:

Simple and readily available tasks can have a greater chance of providing you with an enjoyable way to calm the chaos.

Related articles:
Learn to Sit with Discomfort in Your Life
Surviving Suffering
How to Be With Someone Who Is Grieving

 

Man on cliff“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

If you are reading this, the demons haven’t won. Facing your demons is part of life. From the earliest moments when you might have been hungry and the breast or bottle wasn’t immediately available, to later life crises like divorce, death, job loss, financial hardship, illness, and other challenges, everyone is beset with demons. When things are particularly rough, it may seem as if the demons are winning. But as long as you’re still living and breathing, you are the victor.

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It’s important to remember just how resilient you are, especially in the midst of an invasion. When I say invasion, I mean those times when you feel so overwhelmed by life you think you simply can not stand another minute; when the emotional pain, grief, or hopelessness is all you can see. At those moments, it is crucial to remember how time-limited everything really is, including you.

Demons are excellent shape-shifters and can morph from one torturous form to another in the blink of an eye. A few of the guises they assume include:

Even if you live a long life, it will still be a relatively short span in the body. Being incarnate is fraught with all sorts of experiences. When the less appealing ones visit, it’s best to welcome them with open arms, as counter-intuitive as that may seem. By denying what is really happening for you, or repressing your feelings with addictions or unhealthy habits, you forgo the opportunity to grow. You miss the chance to spar with scary thoughts, ugly impulses, or overwhelming grief, all of which move you into a more evolved and compassionate place.

There are still many people out there, and I don’t mean drug dealers, who will offer you a way around your misery. Advertisers will tell you life can be rosy if only you buy X, Y, or Z. Some New-Agers will claim a quick way to nirvana, and there are myriad options for dulling one’s pain with obsessive-compulsive behaviors of all kinds. Don’t be beguiled by their dog and pony show. Who would turn away an easy way out from pain? Sign me up! I’d love to think there was some quick panacea. Although, after 40 years of studying psychology, religion, and philosophy, I truly believe the only way out is through.

That does not mean you have to weather every storm alone. This is the time to ask for and graciously accept help. Whether it is from a friend, relative, therapist, hotline, clergy-person, or 12-step group, please avail yourself of any support you can. That many of us were brought up with that old Calvinist ethic of independence and self-sufficiency does not mean we are limited in our healing options. If you were traveling west in a covered wagon then you definitely needed to be one tough cookie. But most modern folks are not braving a physical, material wilderness.

In some accounts, when the Buddha was under the Bodhi tree seeking enlightenment, the demons came. He tried to fight them off for days. Finally, realizing that, at best, they would reach an impasse, he invited them to sit with him. I like to think of this as the Buddha inviting his demons to tea. Take a page from the Buddha’s book and befriend your demons. Undoubtedly, you will learn something, and develop more resilience in the process.

Jung, Sigmund Freud‘s disciple, believed each of us has a shadow side and we need to embrace it to be fully human, alive, and whole. By inviting your demons to tea, you establish ownership of your shadow. You bravely go where many fear to tread. You have the guts to face your anger, fear, jealousy, lack of self-acceptance, guilt, and anything else you deem unacceptable.

By dancing with the demons you reclaim your power. If you keep trying to bury them, you unconsciously feed each one and it comes out in projection, attributing all your own issues to others. Everyone does this to some degree, but being unaware of doing it is problematic.

It takes guts to face your demons. Luckily, everyone has the innate capacity to tread this rocky path, and already has. Have you been ill? Divorced? Child of divorced parents? Child of an alcoholic or addict? Moved to a place where you knew no one? Weathered a financial storm? Been estranged from family? Experienced the death of a loved one? If so, you faced your demons.

You courageously soldiered on. It was not easy or fun, but you persevered, even when you thought the pain would never stop. Slowly but surely, it abated. At first, you may not have even noticed the subtle lessening of your anger, anxiety, or grief, but as the weeks and months wore on you started to feel more alive and open. That resiliency supports you through every challenge, allowing you to stretch beyond what you thought your limits were, and finding more capacity to bear what you thought was unbearable.

You are here for the whole enchilada, not just the kittens and rainbows. The sooner you embrace the totality of life with its highs, lows, and everything in between, the sooner you will find some measure of peace. Practicing affirmations, self-soothing thoughts, or a comforting prayer or mantra, will ease you through those trying times everyone has.

No one is exempt, no matter what their life looks like, or what story they tell you. Every life is mix of treasures and traumas. By persevering, speaking lovingly to yourself when the going gets rough, and assuming the best, you will make it to the other side.

Just like all the molecules in you and around you, things are constantly moving and shifting. Whatever you feel at this moment won’t last. It can’t. That’s what makes life so interesting and bittersweet. By embracing the vicissitudes of life with compassion for yourself and others, you allow yourself to fully experience whatever is happening to you right now. Yes, this is also known as mindfulness, acceptance, and liberation.

While there are a multitude of distractions and amusements available to anyone with a library card, it is not unusual to go through periods of boredom when not even the most scintillating book, movie, or conversation will sate the crankiness demon. At those times, it is best to stop whatever you are doing and simply sit with what is. Are you feeling annoyed, frustrated, agitated, sad, or self-critical? Welcome whatever comes up. Investigate it. Do something paradoxical and try to increase the feeling. This may sound counter-productive, but it will actually help you figure out what is going on. If you let yourself go deeply into your boredom the underlying issue will surface. Once it does, ask yourself how you want to handle it. Consciously choose to explore your thoughts and feelings though journaling, talking with someone (friend, relative, clergy, or therapist), or simply breathing, meditating, and allowing them.

Boredom is uncomfortable, and it is natural to want to banish it immediately. By exploring what is going on right this minute, you allow yourself to relax with what’s coming up. It is only a feeling. You have probably felt every emotion before, whether fear, joy, anger, love, anxiety, sadness, or grief, and you’re still alive.

Boredom is often a code word for something else. It seems to appear when your internal state is so strong that anything external loses its power to divert you. The irritability comes from wanting relief from those simmering uncomfortable feelings and knowing the only way out is through. When nothing feels right or good, just breathing can be a refuge.

No one likes feeling irritable, bored, or restless. Nor should you. Perhaps, the purpose of these annoying feelings is to wake you out of a funk. Sometimes, an unpleasant state of mind is necessary when routine ways of being and doing have sucked the novelty out of life. Variety does spice things up, and without it living can lose its luster. Whether it’s trying different foods, listening to new music, taking a drive to an unknown locale, or going to an art opening, mixing things up helps you thrive. In addition to creating new neural pathways, unpredictability and spontaneity create a sense of surprise and delight. Of course, it has to be the right amount.  Too much novelty and you feel groundless; too little and you’re bored.

Maintaining emotional balance is not easy. Life, with all its demands, intrudes on the best laid plans. So, boredom, restlessness, and groundlessness appear. Re-grounding yourself can be as easy as feeling your body sitting, standing, or moving, eating something mindfully, looking out a window and really seeing what meets your gaze, taking a walk, calling a friend, listening to music, writing in your journal, or anything else that uses some of that irritable energy. Even meditation, not an easy feat when you are feeling crabby, is helpful, since it reminds you this is merely a passing state you can label and release. Actually, you are not really releasing the state as much as your attachment to it.

Boredom, restlessness, and groundlessness are simply different terms for feeling temporarily stuck and uncomfortable. You will not stay in this state of mind. Everything changes, and that is what makes life so interesting. You never know what’s next. By sitting with what is, or actively shaking things up a bit, you practice mindfulness or self-determination. Sometimes, one will work better than the other. It’s always good to have a few arrows in your quiver since one day sitting with your feelings will be the right choice, and another day doing something proactively will work.

The following grounding techniques utilize your ability to actively focus attention on something external to distract you from whatever thoughts and feelings seem unpleasant, overwhelming, or boring:

Feel your breath. Remind yourself that you are alive, and whatever you are feeling is part of life. You are here to feel it all.

Related articles:
How to Use Curiosity as a Cure for Relationship Boredom
Boredom and the Longing for Connection
Learn to Sit with Discomfort in Your Life

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