Infertility is a complex and multifaceted issue that can profoundly impact individuals and couples on a deeply personal level. The emotional journey of grappling with infertility is often fraught with heartache, uncertainty, and a rollercoaster of emotions. For those undergoing treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF), the process can be physically demanding, emotionally draining, and financially burdensome. 

Amidst the whirlwind of medical appointments, procedures, and the rollercoaster of hope and disappointment in each cycle, many individuals confidently turn to meditation as a steadfast source of solace and strength. The ancient practice of meditation stands as a beacon of peace and tranquility amidst the turbulence of infertility treatments. By quieting the mind and settling into the present moment, individuals adeptly nurture inner peace and emotional resilience.  

Meditation not only offers a vital break from the stress and anxiety entwined with infertility but also empowers individuals with the necessary tools to navigate the highs and lows of the journey with unwavering clarity and profound perspective. Through consistent practice, individuals can foster a profound self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion towards themselves and their partners. 

Ultimately, meditation emerges as a potent instrument for emotional healing and personal evolution during the demanding and often solitary journey of infertility. By integrating this time-honored practice into their daily regimen, individuals can harness its transformative essence to gracefully, confidently, and resiliently traverse the intricacies of infertility.  

Understanding the Emotional Landscape of Infertility 

The emotional journey of infertility can be marked by feelings of sadness, frustration, anxiety, and even isolation. The longing for a child can lead to a profound sense of loss, especially when faced with unsuccessful treatments. Each step of the process—from the initial diagnosis to the various medical interventions—can evoke a rollercoaster of emotions. In this context, meditation emerges as a powerful tool to help individuals navigate these turbulent waters. 

It’s a type of experience that you can’t truly understand unless you have personally gone through the challenges of infertility. The constant and sometimes inconvenient appointments, the uncertainty at every turn, the sense of vulnerability, and feeling like a test subject – all without knowing if it will all be worth it. It’s a difficult journey that you can’t bear, yet you find yourself unwilling to step off the rollercoaster. 

Dealing with infertility and undergoing treatment can place significant strain on your relationship as well. You might start to wonder if you should continue and even question the future of your partnership. Coping with infertility can be incredibly challenging and demoralizing. It’s common to feel the urge to assign blame or experience overwhelming guilt, but these reactions do not foster a supportive environment for the couple. The pressure on the relationship further compounds the stress. 

Infertility treatments can have a profound impact on various aspects of an individual’s health and well-being, encompassing not only the physical but also the emotional and hormonal realms. One significant consideration is the potential repercussions on the body due to procedures like ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). This condition can trigger a range of distressing symptoms, including severe abdominal pain, bloating, and nausea, adding another layer of complexity to an already emotionally taxing process. 

Moreover, the effects of infertility treatments extend beyond the immediate physical discomfort. Individuals undergoing such treatments may experience a myriad of additional physical challenges, such as persistent fatigue, recurrent headaches, unpredictable mood swings, and disruptions in their menstrual cycle. These symptoms can further exacerbate the emotional toll of infertility, creating a multifaceted burden that individuals must navigate throughout their journey to conception. 

Furthermore, the hormonal changes induced by infertility treatments can also play a pivotal role in shaping one’s mental well-being. Fluctuations in hormone levels can contribute to heightened emotional sensitivity, increased stress levels, and a sense of unpredictability in mood and behavior. These hormonal shifts can not only impact an individual’s day-to-day functioning but also influence their overall mental health and resilience in coping with the challenges of infertility treatments. 

In essence, infertility and typical treatments can have significant and sometimes lasting adverse consequences. It is crucial for individuals receiving medications, procedures, etc. to have sufficient support and coping mechanisms. Turning to meditation is highly recommended! 

The Benefits of Meditation in Managing Infertility Stress 

1. Reducing Stress and Anxiety: One of the most significant benefits of meditation is its ability to reduce stress and anxiety levels. Studies have shown that meditation can lower cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress. This reduction in stress can be particularly beneficial during infertility treatments, where anxiety can be amplified by the uncertainties and outcomes of procedures like IVF.
2. Enhancing Emotional Resilience: Meditation encourages a deeper connection with oneself, fostering greater emotional awareness. This heightened awareness allows individuals to process their feelings more effectively, enabling them to cope with the emotional ups and downs associated with infertility.
3. Improving Focus and Clarity: The practice of meditation cultivates mindfulness, allowing individuals to stay present in the moment rather than getting lost in worries about the future. This focus can provide clarity and a sense of control amidst the unpredictability of infertility treatments.
4. Promoting Relaxation and Better Sleep: Many individuals struggling with infertility experience sleep disturbances due to stress and anxiety. Meditation can promote relaxation, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep, which is crucial for emotional and physical well-being during this challenging time.
5. Fostering a Sense of Community: Group meditation sessions or mindfulness classes can provide a sense of community and support. Sharing experiences with others who are on a similar journey can help reduce feelings of isolation, creating a network of understanding and encouragement.

Types of Meditation Beneficial for IVF Stress 

When it comes to managing the stress associated with IVF and infertility, several types of meditation may prove particularly effective: 

1. Mindfulness Meditation: This form of meditation emphasizes being present in the moment without judgment. By focusing on the breath and bodily sensations, individuals can cultivate awareness and acceptance of their feelings. Mindfulness has been shown to reduce anxiety and improve overall emotional well-being.
2. Guided Imagery: Guided imagery involves visualizing positive outcomes and creating mental images that evoke feelings of peace and happiness. This practice can help individuals envision their desired future, fostering hope and reducing anxiety about the treatment process.
3. Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta): This technique involves silently repeating phrases of goodwill and compassion towards oneself and others. This practice can enhance feelings of self-acceptance and kindness, countering feelings of guilt or inadequacy that may arise during the infertility journey.
4. Body Scan Meditation: This practice encourages individuals to focus attention on different parts of the body, promoting relaxation and body awareness. It can help release physical tension associated with stress and anxiety.

Real-Life Examples of Meditation’s Impact 

Numerous individuals have shared their experiences of how meditation has positively influenced their emotional journeys through infertility: 

– Sarah’s Story: After years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive, Sarah turned to mindfulness meditation. She found that dedicating just ten minutes a day to meditation helped her manage her anxiety and feel more grounded during her IVF cycles. As a result, she reported feeling more at peace with the process, regardless of the outcome. 

– Mark’s Journey: Mark and his partner experienced the emotional strain of multiple unsuccessful IVF attempts. They began attending guided meditation classes together, which not only reduced their stress levels but also strengthened their bond. They found comfort in the shared experience, allowing them to support each other more effectively. 

– Jessica’s Transformation: Jessica struggled with feelings of guilt and inadequacy throughout her infertility journey. Through loving-kindness meditation, she learned to cultivate compassion for herself. This practice transformed her self-dialogue, helping her to embrace her journey with grace and acceptance.  

While the path of infertility can be fraught with challenges, integrating meditation into this emotional journey can provide significant benefits. By promoting relaxation, reducing stress, and enhancing emotional resilience, meditation empowers individuals to navigate the complexities of their experience with a greater sense of peace and clarity. It’s important to recognize that meditation is not a panacea for the pain and difficulties associated with infertility; rather, it serves as a supportive tool that can complement medical treatments and therapy. 

Creating a Meditation Practice 

For those looking to incorporate meditation into their infertility journey, starting a consistent practice can be highly beneficial. Here are some practical tips to help establish a meditation routine: 

1. Set Aside Time: Dedicate a specific time each day for meditation. Whether it’s in the morning to set a positive tone for the day or in the evening to unwind, consistency is key.
2. Create a Comfortable Space: Designate a quiet, comfortable space in your home for meditation. Surround yourself with calming elements such as cushions, candles, or soothing scents to enhance your experience.
3. Start Small: If you’re new to meditation, start with just a few minutes each day. Gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice.
4. Use Guided Meditations: There are many resources available, including apps and online platforms, offering guided meditations specifically focused on fertility, stress relief, and emotional healing. These can be particularly helpful for beginners.
5. Practice Patience and Kindness: It’s normal for the mind to wander during meditation. When this happens, gently redirect your focus back to your breath or the guided instructions without judgment.
6. Integrate Mindfulness into Daily Life: Beyond formal meditation sessions, consider incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine. This could involve mindful eating, walking, or simply taking a few deep breaths during stressful moments.

Seeking Support 

In addition to meditation, seeking support from mental health professionals or support groups can be invaluable. Therapists who specialize in infertility can provide coping strategies and a safe space to express feelings. Joining support groups, either in-person or online, allows individuals to connect with others who understand their journey, fostering a sense of community. 

Infertility is a journey that tests the limits of patience, resilience, and hope. Though it can be filled with uncertainty and emotional upheaval, integrating meditation into this process can provide much-needed support. By fostering mindfulness, reducing stress, and enhancing emotional well-being, meditation offers a path to greater self-awareness and acceptance. 

In the face of challenges, embracing practices that nurture the mind, and spirit can create a foundation of strength and peace. As individuals navigate their unique paths, meditation serves as a reminder to be gentle with themselves, to honor their feelings, and to cultivate hope for the future. Whether through guided imagery, mindfulness, or loving-kindness, the journey of meditation can illuminate the path toward healing and acceptance in the emotional landscape of infertility. 

A quick internet search will reveal that there are hundreds of retreat options from yoga immersions to mindfulness retreats to sound healing trainings. If you have made the decision and investment to go on a retreat, congratulations for taking the time out of your life for this unique opportunity. Whether you are doing this for self-care, healing, to learn a new skill, or for professional continuing education, going on a retreat can be a rich and rewarding experiential learning opportunity. 

One of the most sensitive and important points of the retreat is not just the moment of peak insights, but the integration of these insights into daily life. This article offers suggestions about how to return home gently, create a soft landing, and begin to anchor the wisdom from your time away. The hope is that they will inspire even more ideas to create a soft landing for yourself and make the most of your time away. 

Tip 1: Communicating ahead of time with your partner  

If you are living with a partner, include them in your strategy for integrating. Think ahead about what you think you might like when you return home so this can be communicated and normalized. A cup of tea? A few hours to settle in before catching up? Do not feel pressured to tell your partner everything in the first hour you return. This may be challenging because there can be so much joy in reuniting and wanting to tell them all about your time away would be natural. Your partner may have had to juggle a lot while you were away such as extra chores, children’s bedtime meltdowns, and regular life stress. Offering appreciation for making it possible to go away on retreat as well as preparing you both for your arrival can go a long way in decreasing any friction. 

Tip 2: Respect your level of sensitivity 

No matter the type of retreat you may have recently enjoyed, it is likely that your sensitivity dial is tuned way up. Going to the grocery store or navigating traffic might feel like a deluge of stimulation. For example, if you are traveling by plane, just being in the airport surrounded by harried travelers can feel like an overload to your system. Also, catching up on the news before you are ready can quickly hijack your nervous system. Remind yourself to limit news exposure and that your inner state is the news of the day right now. Simply being aware that you might be more sensitive can be useful. Practicing self-compassion with yourself and compassion for others in the airport or on the road can go be helpful while making your way home. 

Tip 3: Titrate sharing your experience 

I remember a colleague asking me how my retreat went and excitedly I launched into a story about a realization during a moment in meditation and feeling embarrassed and frustrated when I realized my colleague was not interested in that level of detail. It does not feel good to share an important and tender moment while expecting the listener to hold space and understand the nuances of the experience when they cannot. This comes from a place of wanting to be understood and validated, but it can be very frustrating to not feel heard when you’ve had a life-changing experience. Instead, for most people who ask it can be helpful to say the experience was really big and you’re still processing it or that there was really good food and the weather was lovely (if that’s true). You can always check in with a close family member or friend to ask if they have the time to listen to a big experience you had on your retreat. You can always reach out to your therapist to process and be supported by someone trained for deep listening. 

Tip 4: Wait before making big changes 

Retreats can be a catalyst for change and we can feel very inspired at the close. It is natural to want to take action to change aspects of your lifestyle such as diet, communication strategies with your partner, leaving a career path, or reaching out to an estranged family member after a retreat. You may feel so much has changed inside you and it makes sense that you want your life to reflect that growth. You may feel like everyone could benefit from this style of meditation or the powerful journaling exercise you learned. You can honor this new fire and passion in your life without evangelizing and without making big changes too fast too soon. Advocate for going slowly and leading with curiosity. See what wants to unfold and how it wants to unfold naturally. Before you leave a job or move to another state, see if that desire is still alive for you after a few weeks. You will have time to think things through and may come up with other ways to honor the shifts inside you. 

Tip 5: Integrate the experience 

As you start back into your routine of dishes and emails, it would be natural to feel apprehension about forgetting the peak insights or losing that unshakeable feeling of wellness and bliss you so recently experienced. We can create more suffering by grasping at this state of being and believing that we are somehow supposed to maintain the bliss from the retreat. Know that it is possible and natural to feel a letdown when returning to routines of daily living. We are supposed to return to our lives and integrate wisdom. It is unrealistic to expect to stay in a glowy head space. However, eating fresh food, engaging in holistic supports of your choice, listening to music you heard on retreat, and taking time to journal and make art can support the process of integrating the parts of you that felt alive and engaged on retreat with the parts of you that manage the day to day of life. In the past, I have placed an object or picture from the retreat that has meaning for me on my desk or on a bedside table to remind me of the insights gained and the space I occupied while there. 

With some time spent planning ahead for your return, it is possible to create a supportive attitude and environment to come back to after a life-changing experience. Whether you are about to go on retreat or have already returned, the invitation is to treat yourself gently and build awareness about what you need for support.  

by Dr. Denise Renye, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Sex Therapist, PsyD, MA, MEd, in San Francisco, CA

How to Cope with Anxiety If You Can’t Go to Therapy

I spoke with a friend of a friend recently who said he copes with anxiety solely through medication because that’s all he’s been exposed to. It got me thinking about how some people don’t know what else to try for anxiety other than pharmacological interventions because they may not have considered therapy as an option. And even many people who have considered therapy may not be able to afford it. Learning how to cope with anxiety in healthy ways can make such a difference.

This is quite the conundrum because anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the US, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). Anxiety affects 40 million adults in the U.S. ages 18 and older —  about 18.1% of the population. Also, anxiety disorders are highly treatable, but only 36.9% of people receive treatment.

Therapy and medication are two ways to manage treatment, but they’re not the only ways. What follows are strategies to cope with anxiety without going to therapy or taking drugs.

7 Non-Pharmacological Strategies for Anxiety

1. Exercise

You knew this one was coming, didn’t you? Anxiety is associated with energy; it’s why we have expressions like “fidgeting nervously,” or “a nervous tic.” Exercise is an outlet for that anxious energy. In addition, there are numerous studies that show exercise and regular activity are beneficial for anxiety, meaning exercise reduces it.

2. Change Your Diet

Did you know 95% of your serotonin receptors reside in your gut? It stands to reason then what you feed your gut affects your mood. That’s true and in fact, a 2016 study found healthy eating can alleviate anxiety. Is your diet high in processed foods such as frozen dinners, shelf-stable cookies, and potato chips? If so, those foods could be exacerbating your anxiety. What happens if you try eating differently?

3. Journaling

It’s not uncommon for a person to experience swirling thoughts when they’re anxious. Thinking about the future in a negative way can promote anxiety such as repeating to yourself: “I don’t look good in pictures,” “No one will come to my party,” “Everyone hates me,” or “What if I lose my job?” Writing those thoughts down, letting all your worst fears become expressed, can help release them from your brain and soothe the anxious parts of yourself. This is also helpful if you experience insomnia that may stem from anxiety.

4. Breathing

It seems so simple because we breathe all day long, but conscious breath can go a long way in alleviating anxiety. I’m a proponent of breathing into your belly, alternate nostril breathing, and circular breathing. I also have a free, guided, breathwork meditation. To start, set a timer for 30 seconds (and work up to three minutes) and see how you feel after breathing with intention and awareness. What I love about breathwork is it encourages a pause. Many of us are conditioned to fear a pause, to fear silence. With anxiety, your brain can run off without you, imagining ten steps into the future. Pausing, sitting in silence, brings your brain back to where your feet are, here, in this present moment. Noticing the present moment, being with the pause, the silence, you may notice things aren’t as terrible as they first seemed.

5. Yoga & Meditation

There are numerous kinds of yoga and meditation in the world, but nearly all of them help with anxiety. Experiment with different kinds until you found one that works for you. Yoga and meditation incorporate many of the characteristics I listed above: pausing, breathwork, and focusing the mind.

6. Spirituality

I view a spiritual practice as complementary to therapy and depth coaching because it can help provide access to the internal world. Spirituality can be defined simply as a sense of connection to something greater than yourself and can offer meaning as well as purpose in your life. Cultivating a meaningful connection with something bigger than yourself just may result in emotions such as peace, awe, and contentment. In other words, a spiritual practice — tailor-made for you — can help you cope with anxiety.

7. EFT/Tapping

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping, combines cognitive therapies with acupressure for the treatment of psychological distress. A 2016 study found EFT demonstrated a significant decrease in anxiety scores, even when accounting for the effect size of control treatment. More recently, in 2019, researchers found EFT helps physiologically, meaning not only did study participants self-report that they felt better, but their bodies also showed a decrease in resting heart rate and blood pressure and an altering of cortisol levels.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)

Sometimes it’s really hard to manage anxiety on your own and you just may need support. If money is an issue, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meetings are a great option. The meeting is open to not only children raised in alcoholic homes, but anyone raised in a dysfunctional environment. The program functions like other 12-step groups in that members share for a limited time and there’s a sponsor or fellow traveler to help a person through the steps. That means there’s a community of people to support you as you learn how to cope with anxiety. However, what’s unique about ACA is that it also addresses post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and has literature devoted to nurturing an inner loving parent. Creating a strong, secure, attachment figure within yourself could help calm anxious parts of yourself, especially if the anxiety is arising from your inner child.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, you don’t have to suffer through it. Anxiety is treatable with a multitude of drugs, therapy, and any of the methods I mentioned above. If one method doesn’t work, try another. And try it for some time as it may take a while. Just know, relief is possible. Start your search for a therapist today.

References

Anderson, Elizabeth; Shivakumar, Geetha. “Effects of Exercise and Physical Activity on Anxiety.” Front Psychiatry. 2013;4:27. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2013.00027

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. “Facts and Statistics.” https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics, accessed November 18, 2021.

Bach, Donna; Groesbeck, Gary; Stapleton, Peta; et al. Clinical EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Improves Multiple Physiological Markers of Health. J Evid Based Integr Med. 2019;24:2515690X18823691. doi:10.1177/2515690X18823691

Carpenter, Dr. Siri. “That Gut Feeling.” American Psychological Association. September 2012; 43(8): 50. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/09/gut-feeling

Clond, Morgan. “Emotional Freedom Techniques for Anxiety: A Systematic Review With Meta-analysis.” J Nerv Ment Dis. 2016;204(5):388-395. doi: 10.1097/NMD.0000000000000483.

Null, Gary; Pennesi, Luanne; Feldman, Martin. “Nutrition and Lifestyle Intervention on Mood and Neurological Disorders.” J Evid Based Complementary Altern Med. 2017 Jan;22(1):68-74. doi: 10.1177/2156587216637539.

How to Go on a True Mental Detox

Ready to detox your life? Working with a therapist can help! Begin your search here today. 

Learning how to go on a true mental detox involves decluttering your mind to increase feelings of peace and rest. With the age of technology, social media, and on-the-go mindsets, achieving true peace-of-mind, where you feel rested and renewed, can feel extremely difficult at times. With so much filling the space in your mind or feeling like you cannot turn off your brain, you might feel increased feelings of anxiety or worry. Keep reading to learn how to go on a true mental detox.

Be Intentional

With so much to do in so little time, it is easy to forget your drive and purpose for why you are doing certain things. Learning how to go on a true mental detox should involve increased intention in every move you make. Setting your intention at the start of each day and before you enter into any activity or decision can help you think more clearly. It can remind you of what your goals are and help keep your thoughts organized as you move forward.

Start Getting Out and Active

Taking yourself out of your normal environment can be a great tool when learning how to go on a true mental detox. Getting outdoors in a quiet environment can help you feel connected to the world around you. Staying active and healthy can help you achieve higher energy levels to accomplish your goals with less stress and anxiety.

Minimize the Use of Technology

Technology and social media are two of the biggest culprits in the cluttering and disorganization of our minds and our attention when learning how to go on a true mental detox. The need to constantly perform, receive attention, or engage in an activity can make it much harder for us to achieve genuine rest. As you lay down or look for something to do on your day off, try to avoid social media or even taking pictures of whatever it is you are doing. By doing this, you can start to learn how to go on a true mental detox and feel truly present. 

Meditation/Prayer

A great way to center yourself is to spend time practicing meditation or prayer depending on your background. Focusing on healthy breath patterns and positive self-affirmations can be a great way to find your focus and teach you how to go on a true mental detox. The discipline of regular meditation or prayer can help you find ways to stay calm throughout your daily life.

Express Your Frustrations

Keeping things walled up inside your mind can quickly lead to increased levels of anxiety or other serious mental health issues. Finding ways to healthily vent about or express the things that frustrate you can help you release those things from your mind. While it is ok to vent to someone you trust, something as simple as “junk journaling” can be an extremely healthy way to release frustrations when learning how to go on a true mental detox.

Self-Reflect

Taking the time to self-reflect and determine what is important to you is valuable when learning how to go on a true mental detox. Take time during your week to evaluate what relationships, objects, activities, and environments hold emotional and mental weight in your life. Take your analysis and use it to determine what things you might need to release in order to achieve happiness or peace.

Consider Therapy

While many of these steps can be extremely useful in your search for mental clarity and peace, there is much more you can do. Partnering with a mental health provider and going to therapy is one of the best ways to learn how to go on a true mental detox. By working with a professional, you can learn new ways to address key areas in your life and work through cluttered areas in your mind.

Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that carry electrical signals between neurons in the brain. Dopamine and serotonin are two important neurotransmitters for mental health. They affect your mood, memory, sleep, libido, appetite, and more. Imbalances can contribute to addictions, mood conditions, memory issues, and attention difficulties.

Over the past several decades, the world has seen an increase in medications for serotonin and dopamine imbalances. These prescriptions can treat symptoms of many mental health conditions. Yet they have a long list of potential side effects, from dizziness to insomnia. Also, their effectiveness varies from person to person.

[fat_widget_right]

Some people want to try some non-drug treatments before committing to medication. Others take medication but want to supplement it with other strategies. Below are 10 ways to increase dopamine and serotonin that don’t require a pill:

1. Exercise

Regular exercise for at least 30 minutes each day improves one’s overall mood. Research has revealed that long-term cardiovascular exercise boosts serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin can lower hostility and symptoms of depression. It also encourages agreeableness.

(More: Move for Your Mood: The Power of Exercise to Help Lift Depression)

2. Spend Time in Nature

In previous generations, humans spent most of their time outdoors. These days, many people work indoors, sitting at a desk under artificial lighting. Researchers have found as little as five minutes outdoors in a natural setting can improve mood, increase motivation, and boost self-esteem. The amount of time spent in sunlight correlates with serotonin and dopamine synthesis. Even a brief walk in the park can improve your well-being.

(More: 5 Ways Nature Can Help You Feel Better)

3. Nutrition

Diet can also influence one’s mental health. Coffee increases your serotonin and dopamine levels … for as long as you take it. Once you stop drinking coffee, you will go into withdrawal. Your brain, used to the high levels of neurotransmitters, will act as if there is a deficiency. It can take up to 12 days of caffeine-free diet for the brain to return to its normal state.

Omega-3 fatty acids boost serotonin levels without the withdrawal. They help serotonin trigger nerve cell receptors, making transport easier. Many studies have shown that omega-3s help reduce depressive symptoms. You can find omega-3s in cold-water fish like salmon.

Contrary to internet rumors, eating turkey does not raise your brain’s serotonin levels. Many people think foods rich in tryptophan can boost mood, since the brain uses tryptophan to produce serotonin. However, tryptophan competes with several other amino acids for transportation to the brain. Since it is low on the body’s priority list, it usually loses.

That said, having some tryptophan in your diet is important. If you don’t have enough, your serotonin levels will drop. If you need more tryptophan, you can get it by eating starchy foods like whole wheat bread, potatoes, and corn.

(More: Good Mood Foods to Help Fight Depression, Stress, and More)

4. Meditation

Meditation is the practice of relaxed and focused contemplation. It is often accompanied by breathing exercises. Evidence has shown that meditation increases the release of dopamine. It can relieve stress and create feelings of inner peace.

(More: Stress Reduction: Mindfulness Meditation for Beginners)

5. Gratitude

Scientific research has shown gratitude affects the brain’s reward system. It correlates with the release of dopamine and serotonin. Gratitude has been directly linked to increased happiness.

There have been many studies on a practice called the “three blessings exercise.” Every night for a week, you write down three things you are thankful for. People who complete this exercise tend to report more happiness and less depressive symptoms. Their improved mood can last up to six months.

(More: How a Simple Mason Jar Can Bring More Gratitude to Your Life)

6. Essential Oils

All essential oils come from plants. These oils often have medicinal properties. One study found that bergamot, lavender, and lemon essential oils are particularly therapeutic. Using your sense of smell, they prompt your brain to release serotonin and dopamine.

Note: Always follow the instructions on the bottle’s label. Although essential oils are “natural,” some can be dangerous when misused. Do not let young children play with essential oils.

(More: How Aromatherapy Can Boost Psychological and Physical Health)

7. Goal Achievement

When we achieve one of our goals, our brain releases dopamine. The brain finds this dopamine rush very rewarding. It seeks out more dopamine by working toward another goal.

Larger goals typically come with increased dopamine. However, it’s best to start with small goals to improve your chances of success. Short-term goals can add up to achieve a long-term goal (and a bigger reward). This pattern keeps a steady release of dopamine in your brain.

(More: How Positive Affirmations Can Help You Achieve Your Goals)

8. Happy Memories

Researchers have examined the interaction between mood and memory. They focused on the anterior cingulate cortex, the region of the brain associated with attention. People reliving sad memories produced less serotonin in that region. People dwelling on happy memories produced more serotonin.

(More: Can We Purposefully Make Memories Last Forever?)

9. Novelty

The brain reacts to novel experiences by releasing dopamine. You can naturally increase your dopamine by seeking out new experiences. Any kind of experience will work. You can do something simple like a new hobby or recipe. Or you can try something grand like skydiving. The less familiar you are with the activity, the more likely your brain will reward you with dopamine.

(More: 5 Things on My New Year’s Bucket List for My Kids)

10. Therapy

Research indicates if you change your mood, you can affect serotonin synthesis in your brain. This implies mood and serotonin synthesis have a mutual influence on each other. Psychotherapy often helps people improve their mood. It is possible therapy can help raise one’s serotonin levels as well.

(More: Benefits of Therapy)

While these 10 methods can boost your neurotransmitters, they are not a substitute for medical care. If you have mental health concerns, you should always seek a doctor’s or therapist’s advice. A mental health professional can tell you which approaches are best for your unique situation. There is no shame in taking medication or attending counseling. They are common treatment options among many.

References:

1. Coffee and hormones: Here’s how coffee really affects your health. (n.d.) Precision Nutrition. Retrieved from https://www.precisionnutrition.com/coffee-and-hormones
2. Do you need a nature prescription? (2013, June 19). Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/nature-therapy-ecotherapy
3. Essential oils: Poisonous when misused. (2014). National Capital Poison Center. Retrieved from https://www.poison.org/articles/2014-jun/essential-oils
4. How Do I Increase Serotonin and Dopamine Levels? (2017, August 14). LIVESTRONG Foundation. Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/301434-how-do-i-increase-serotonin-dopamine-levels/
5. Jenkins, T.A., Nguyen, J.C.D., Polglaze, K.E., & Bertrand, P.P. (2016, January 20). Nutrients, 8(1), 56. Retrieved from http://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/8/1/56/htm
6. Lv, X.N., Liu, Z.J., Zhang H.J., & Tzeng C.M. (2014). Aromatherapy and the central nerve system (CNS): Therapeutic mechanism and its associated genes. Current Drug Targets, 8(14), 872-879. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23531112#
7. Novelty and the brain: Why new things make us feel so good. (2013, May 21). Retrieved from https://lifehacker.com/novelty-and-the-brain-why-new-things-make-us-feel-so-g-508983802
8. Omega-3 Fatty Acids and Mood Disorders. (2012). Today’s Dietitian, 14(1), 22. Retrieved from http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/011012p22.shtml
9. Thankfulness linked to positive changes in brain and body. (2011, November 23). ABC News. Retrieved from http://abcnews.go.com/Health/science-thankfulness/story?id=15008148
10. This is how your brain becomes addicted to caffeine. (2013, August 9). Retrieved from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/this-is-how-your-brain-becomes-addicted-to-caffeine-26861037/
11. Why our brains like short-term goals. (2013, January 3). Retrieved from https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/225356
12. Young, S.N. (2007). How to increase serotonin in the human brain without drugs. Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, 32(6), 394-399. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2077351/

There is power in a pause—a lot of power.

When asked why he played so well, piano virtuoso Artur Schnabel responded, “I handle notes no better than many others. But the pauses; that’s where the art resides.”

A pause is simple, almost invisible. What does a pause do and how can we cultivate the fine art of pauses?

Understanding the ‘Pause’

A pause is a conscious slowing down—a space-maker between stimulus and response. Pausing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us become calm. When our nervous systems are calm, we have more capacity to avoid reacting out of habit, and instead, to choose a response that is more satisfying, effective, and attuned to the situation at hand.

My first “aha” about the transformative power of pausing came when I got fed up with my list-bound behavior. I was always moving like a freight train to get through my list of self-imposed and other-imposed things to accomplish. As if by never stopping, I was going to someday get through the list and finally be able to relax. This was a fool’s errand. So, I decided to try an experiment and took 5 minutes between things on my list. I could not believe what happened in 5 minutes.

I had a chance to feel what I was drawn to do next on the list, and even better, a number of things on the list became less urgent, or I realized they were things I could easily delegate to someone else. My list grew smaller, and I grew more aligned and satisfied with my tasks.

Pausing As Self-Care

Learning to pause is also a personal gift of self-care. Pausing briefly throughout the day reduces tension. More space and less anxiety and rush make much-needed room for pleasure and wonder. We can then work harder while being happier and more relaxed.

When we are moving too fast, or when we don’t take time to pause, we can easily misuse power because our habitual reactions overtake our ability to choose a more considered response.

As I am teaching, I often invite my students to stop and take three breaths whenever we transition from one topic or process to another. The pause created by taking three breaths allows for a little clearing and a chance to make room inside for the next thing. I feel so strongly about this that I consider it unethical for people to be too busy to take three breaths.

When we are moving too fast, or when we don’t take time to pause, we can easily misuse power because our habitual reactions overtake our ability to choose a more considered response. I tend to react to an issue with an immediate idea of how to fix it. When I take three breaths before responding, I make room for a more creative and inclusive unfolding of the resolution.

Pausing in Relationships

Pausing is also a powerful relationship tool, though pausing in the context of a relationship is not as easy as it might seem. It takes a surprising amount of self-awareness: first, to be able to notice an automatic pattern you habitually use in relationships and second, to make some space before reacting and choose a different response.

I have discovered one of my own automatic patterns that shows up in my role as a therapist. A client says something, and I have an impulsive habit of immediately giving a verbal response. When I am able to pause and wait just a little bit longer than usual, there’s more room for something new or deeper to come forth from the client. For example, in the pause, the client may say, “Oh, I notice something else…”

Skillfully using relationship pauses is a good leadership skill. One of my mentors once told me it was very important not to rush in too quickly to solve a problem. “You could use up all your time going from handling one crisis to another,” he said. “Instead, make some space to empower others to put in their ideas and let a creative and collaborative resolution emerge.”

Two Ways to Use Pausing in Day-to-Day Life

Using pauses well is one of the great secrets of being power positive. Here are several specific experiments to try. For a week, do at least one of each experiment. Write down the results at the end of the day. Harvest your results.

1. Pause in your personal world: Consciously choose to make space between tasks.
2. Pause in your relationship world: Consciously choose to wait longer than usual before speaking.

It’s not always easy to slow down. If you feel too stressed or overwhelmed to find time to pause, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you learn skills to manage stressors and cope with overwhelm.

Rejection is dangerous. A broken heart is similar to a broken arm. The pain of social rejection often leads to an avalanche of emotional and cognitive consequences, but mindfulness can be an efficient healer.

I originally wrote these meditations for a work-related event with the day’s theme as “Be Present.” In the 72 hours before the event, I experienced an intense and unexpected sequence of social rejection from individuals who overlap in my personal and professional circles.

As I sent a clear and honest email about my feelings and boundaries the morning before my presentation for work, I said to myself, “The last thing I want to do is be present for pain.” I was quickly reassured by the prospect that perhaps this was the exact dose of medicine I needed.

We are social animals, hardwired for connection, belonging, and acceptance—needs that originate from our ancestral tribal roots. Personally and professionally, I’ve struggled with rejection, especially these past 3 years. And particularly as a woman with a sexual trauma history and an abusive childhood, this political climate is toxic to me.

This social rejection and attack on my person on a federal level is compounded by more usual, daily forms of rejection that never used to bother me, ones I didn’t even notice as forms of rejection: delayed answers to texts, the lack of recognition at work, the lack of likes on an Instagram photo, my husband leading with asking me if I can pick up some toilet paper before, if at all, asking me how my day went.

All this to say: When isolated moments of more intense rejection strike, such as the one before my work-related meditation workshop, I learned the degree to which I overlook assessing for rejection in my work as a therapist and the degree to which I’ve become normalized to it.

Coping with the Rejections of Daily Life

Ironically, I’m writing this article about rejection without the guarantee it will be accepted. I accept rejection is a part of the human condition, but over time and without care, rejection can erode motivation, self-esteem, and courage. I do know that when I feel rejection, mindfulness meditation is one evidenced-based coping strategy that works for me.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between mindfulness and brain chemistry.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between mindfulness and brain chemistry.

According to licensed psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, “Rejection piggybacks on physical pain pathways in the brain. fMRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.”

He reports that rejection affects our intelligence, reason, and self-esteem. But mindfulness makes us less sensitive to feel rejection for its effective use in emotional regulation, because mindfulness allows individuals to focus on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings and thoughts.

Two Meditations to Help Heal the Pain of Rejection

Dr. Alexandra Martelli, the lead author of a study recently published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, found a correlation between mindfulness and reduced social distress in fMRI imaging, as researchers found there was less activation in the region of the brain associated with the inhibitory regulation of both physical and social forms of pain. I offer below two meditations that I wrote that can apply to healing the pain of rejection.

To Gain Perspective: Limited One Minute Metta Meditation

Take one deep inhale, filling your abdomen with air. Slowly exhale. Repeat two times. Repeat to yourself three times: “Like clouds, this will pass.” Take one deep inhale, filling your abdomen with air. Slowly exhale. Repeat two times.

To Be Present and Focused on the Self: Guided Metta Meditation with Visualizations 

Metta: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.”

Allow your eyes to close if you are comfortable doing so. You can take a moment here to make any adjustments to your posture that you need to make to be comfortable. Begin this exercise by making yourself feel comfortable. There is no wrong way to sit, to breathe, to be. There’s no wrong way to do this. You are here now, as yourself, in this room.

Take this time to experience a few, deliberate inhales and exhales at a pace that feels comfortable for you. As you inhale, fill your abdomen with air like you are filling a balloon. Slowly exhale. Continue breathing like this. Leave a few moments of silence.

You might imagine yourself like a snow globe that has been shaken up. Imagine that you set the snow globe down and you watch as all the little snowflakes and sparkles come to rest on the bottom. Letting everything in your body settle down and rest. Continue to experience a few, deliberate inhales and exhales at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Leave a few moments of silence.

Now, start to bring to mind your desire for clarity, calm, and healing. You might even reflect on a time when you felt particularly focused, productive, attractive, connected, confident, or accomplished. Leave a few moments of silence.

Using this intention or memory, you can start to repeat some phrases to yourself. In your mind, you can say to yourself: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.” Whenever the mind wanders, just come back to these phrases. Leave a few moments of silence.

If your mind is wandering, come back to these phrases of goodwill for yourself: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.” Leave a few moments of silence.

Throughout your day, you can come back to your breathing or to these phrases whenever you need them. Try to maintain some of this goodwill you have cultivated for yourself. When you are ready, you can open your eyes.

References:

1. Ireland, T. (2014, June 12). What does mindfulness meditation do to your brain?. Scientific American. Retrieved from https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/what-does-mindfulness-meditation-do-to-your-brain
2. McNelll, B. (2018, June 14). Social rejection is painful and can lead to violence: A new study suggests that mindfulness may be a solution. Virginia Commonwealth University News. Retrieved from https://news.vcu.edu/article/Social_rejection_is_painful_and_can_lead_to_violence_A_new_study

Ever had an argument? Most of us have. But have you stopped to think about why we have arguments?

Arguments in relationships are often based on the emotional response of feeling unheard. You’ve said it a thousand times, and still … nothing changes.

You would think you’d finally be listened to when you said something for the 1001st time. But when that doesn’t happen, when you still feel unheard, you are frustrated. You may even be angry.

Of course you’re frustrated. Of course you’re likely to get mad.

But try not to get mad. This often only makes the argument worse. What’s more, you still may not feel listened to.

Why Aren’t They Listening?

For just a moment, let’s consider things from your partner’s perspective to see how your attempt to be heard is being processed. They may be thinking something like this, “Oh, there they go again. Are they ever going to stop harping on about this? I feel like I’m living in purgatory!” [fat_widget_relationships_right]

They’re not listening because they feel like your repeated attempts to discuss something important is actually you nagging at them. They may feel attacked and accused. They most likely feel defensive. They probably shut down faster than you can say “Jack Robinson.”

So no, they aren’t listening. They may never have been listening. They don’t want to hear blame or criticism.

In the beginning, when you first brought up whatever it was, you likely had no intention of casting blame or criticizing. You just wanted to share something, something you wanted done or changed or understood better. But your partner took it as criticism.

That was not your fault.

Children, particularly children in troubled homes, learn survival habits and skills early. They then take those survival skills into their relationships. In a relationship, these skills may be more of a liability than an asset. But how would someone know otherwise if they’ve only ever known a family who said hurtful things it would have been better to not hear?

There could be a number of reasons behind their interpretation. Maybe they had a parent who did nag at them, possibly mercilessly. Maybe they didn’t get love or validation from that parent, either. If that was the case, it probably made perfect sense to develop the habit of tuning out.

Children, particularly children in troubled homes, learn survival habits and skills early. They then take those survival skills into their relationships. In a relationship, these skills may be more of a liability than an asset. But how would someone know otherwise if they’ve only ever known a family who said hurtful things it would have been better to not hear?

So it’s not their fault, either.

Whose fault is it, then?

It isn’t anyone’s fault.

The sooner both partners realize this, and stop thinking in terms of blame and fault, the sooner the conflict can not only be resolved, but changed permanently.

This leads me to my four-step solution to a problem many couples experience: escalating arguments.

A Four-Step Solution

1. Do something different.

A good way to break a harmful cycle is to try something different. You feel like you’ve said the same thing over and over but still aren’t being heard. Instead of reacting with an explosive outburst, take a deep breath and consider that it might be time to try a new approach.

What are some different things you could do to get your loved one’s attention?

• Send a text or email.
• Better yet, write a note by hand.
• If you feel creative, write a silly song and set it to music.
• Another option is to plan a nice, relaxed dinner together. Over dinner, in a calm, quiet voice, bring up what’s on your mind.
• Try saying what you need to say with a smile, in a calm tone.

There are as many options as there are creative ideas. Let them be surprised at what you come up with.

You might wonder why you need to be “all sunshine and roses” when your partner is the one who isn’t hearing you. You might feel like it isn’t fair.

And maybe it isn’t fair. But answer this: Do you actually want to change the dynamic and finally be heard? Or do you want to keep going in circles, forever?

2. Don’t diminish yourself.

One outcome I hear from people is that somehow they ended up stooping down to the level of the other person. Whether your partner is yelling, speaking in a belittling way, or doing any other unpleasant thing, you have the option of responding in kind or not. You can choose how you react.

A reactor, I often tell the people I work with, is like the knee-jerk reflex. When a doctor taps your knee with the little hammer to check your patellar reflect, your knee kicks out as if it has a mind of its own. That is being reactive. Your knee can’t choose to react in that way.

I encourage you to not be a knee. Decide in advance that you will not lose your temper, that you will not demean yourself by reacting negatively. Instead you’ll keep calm and maintain your dignity and self-respect.

3. Be grateful you had a different experience. 

To do this, there’s no need to put down your partner. Simply note with gratitude that in your growing-up years you didn’t need to learn to block out painful words of shame or rejection from your parents or caregivers. If you did have that similar experience, be grateful you were able to handle it better. You don’t tune out the people in your life. You don’t ignore requests for help or understanding.

Remember your partner reacts the way they do as a result of bad experience, not choice. Their actions are the product of a habit. They likely don’t even see what they’re doing and how destructive it is. Be grateful that no matter what you’ve been through, you can see how destructive this behavior is. Have compassion and empathy for those who are stuck in a rut of tuning out those they love.

When you reach this step, the first step will be much easier!

4. Breathe and meditate.

There is one final solution that is simple but still amazingly powerful. Slow down your autonomic nervous system and turn off the stress hormone cortisol in your brain, simply by deep breathing.

Research has shown that taking 20 minutes to meditate is great, but this length of time is not necessary. Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful if you have 20 minutes to do it. The result we’re looking for here, though, can be achieved by taking only one minute, 10 times a day, to breathe slowly and deeply. Breathe2Relax, an app you can download on your phone, can be tremendously useful for this.

To make this exercise even more powerful, hold positive thoughts in your mind while doing the deep breathing. Even if you only do this for one minute, you can retrain your brain to respond in a healthier way to the irritating situation.

Steven Stosny, the preeminent researcher working with aggressive and uncompassionate men, suggests people visualize, 12 times a day, themselves reacting to stress in a way that makes them feel more valuable. While doing this, note the good feelings that come with reacting in a more valuable, positive way (as opposed to a knee-jerk reaction of irritation).

This means doing the deep breathing while at the same time visualizing—for example, speaking to that tuned-out partner with love and understanding—and noting how good that feels. Repeat this 12 times a day. Stosny explains that this works because it creates a habit, one we can feel good about. And the beautiful thing about habits is that with practice, they become part of us.

If you and your partner are struggling to stop a cycle of arguments, or if one or both of you feel unheard, know there is help available. A qualified, compassionate couples counselor can offer support and guidance as you work through relationship challenges.

Reference:

Stosny, S. (2013). Blue-collar therapy: The nitty-gritty of lasting change. Psychotherapy Networker. 22-20, 54.

Mindfulness is a concept that does not have one set definition. It often refers to the process of becoming more aware of sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Many therapeutic approaches harness mindfulness techniques. Meditation is one such technique that may be practiced in or with therapy.

Meditation often aids mindfulness and vice versa. Many people find these practices facilitate the process of letting go. This often allows for greater self-compassion and improved mental health.

These quotes emphasize the impact and benefits of increasing self-awareness and letting go. Choose a quote to meditate on in your pursuit of mindfulness. Or spread some contemplation to your loved ones by sharing a quote on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram!

Mindfulness is often used alongside meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to treat a variety of mental health issues. It may also be helpful in the practice of yoga or breathwork.

People may incorporate mindfulness into treatments for anxiety, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. They may also use it to help them heal from trauma or grief. Mindfulness has been shown to increase the ability to focus and tune out distraction. One study found mindfulness training even improved reading comprehension and memory in some people. [fat_widget_right]

Some therapists are trained in mindfulness-based interventions. They may bring practices with elements of mindfulness into your treatment. If you would like to try a mindfulness-based approach to therapy, find a therapist who has training in this technique. A trained therapist will know how to correctly apply mindfulness or meditation to benefit you. This may help grow your potential for greater self-awareness and peace.

Reference:

Mrazek, M. D., Franklin, M. S., Phillips, D. T., Baird, B., & Schooler, J. W. (2013, March 28). Mindfulness training improves working memory capacity and GRE performance while reducing mind wandering. Association for Psychological Science, 5(24), 776-781. doi: 10.1177/0956797612459659

In my work with people who are facing things like stress, anxiety, or trauma, I often talk about the importance of making time for relaxation and self-care. Relaxation techniques, mindfulness, and meditation are some of the buzzwords that encompass practices that involve slowing down the mind and body.

These practices can be extremely effective. They not only provide a sense of calm, they can also create positive effects on the nervous system. They may even lead to noted physiological improvements, such as slowed breathing and decreased heart rate and blood pressure. These techniques are some of the best ways to improve physical and mental health. Even better? They typically have no negative side effects.

I teach various forms of relaxation multiple times a week, to many of the people I work with in my office. I recently became aware of how I had personally strayed from practicing what I preached. When I was pregnant with my first child, I made a conscious effort to embrace meditation. I was fully aware that the fetus experiences everything the mom feels. I also believed that a calm mom created a healthy, calm baby. But several years (and two more babies) later, I’m finding I rarely make time to utilize the tools I so often teach to others.

The Challenges of Relaxation

While I do use various relaxation techniques at night if I’m having a hard time falling asleep or when I’m aware I feel excessively stressed, I’ve gotten away from using meditation as a regular practice. I fully admit it’s often difficult to find the time.  [fat_widget_right]

Our society and age of technology can make this even more challenging. I realized this last week as I was sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting to be called back for my appointment. I passed time aimlessly looking things up on my iPhone. I checked my text messages, then my emails. Checked my Instagram feed, then my Facebook feed. Went back to check my emails again. There was nothing new, so I checked my text messages again. I checked my Google analytics app just for the heck of it. Then I checked my email again. “Oh! Somebody on SoundCloud liked the guided meditation I uploaded.”

This made me pause. I had recorded a guided meditation for the people I worked with to use at home. I urged each of them to make mindfulness a part of their routine. “Find a few moments every day to pause and slow down your mind and body,” I had suggested. But here I was, during the one moment in my day that involved simply sitting in silence. What was I doing? Frantically going back and forth between apps in order to kill time.

I stopped and checked in with myself, mentally asking how I felt in that moment. I realized I was anxious. Not about the appointment, but anxious and annoyed that things weren’t moving fast enough. I wanted to get the appointment done and get on with my day. I wanted to tackle some of the things on my ever-growing to-do list. I couldn’t do that while waiting, but by staring at my phone I was wasting a valuable opportunity to pause and allow myself a “reset.”

I know that pausing and slowing down can help create a sense of calm. I also know that from a place of calm, I’m always better and more effective at managing stress and upcoming tasks. But I often get so swept up in the busyness of life that I forget to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.

When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives.

I wondered why it was so hard for me to just sit in silence for a few moments. Balancing family and work schedules leaves little time for sitting quietly. So why was I not embracing this rare opportunity to enjoy a period of time where I had nothing to do besides sit and wait? Why did I feel the need to keep checking my email and going back and forth between apps? I wasn’t expecting anything important. I had just gotten caught up in the fast pace of life and the pressure to constantly juggle everything on my plate. In doing so, I neglected the chance to just be still.

When our lives become so busy and chaotic, we often forget to slow down. Some people have a difficult time being alone with themselves. Either their thoughts are filled with negative, anxious, or self-deprecating self-talk they would rather avoid, or they have become so disconnected from their sense of identity that they aren’t sure how to handle idle time alone.

Neither of these are true for me. In fact, I relish time alone. Nonetheless, the more chaotic, busy, and full my life becomes, the more difficult remembering to slow down seems to be.

Making Time to Slow Down

When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives. This can sometimes pose problems. An important point I teach about relaxation techniques is how vital it is to practice these tools on a regular, ongoing basis. It’s important to make them a part of your daily routine and use them often instead of just calling on them during moments of chaos.

This is especially true when you are first learning to embrace mindfulness and meditation and incorporate them into your life. Relying on relaxation tools only during moments of stress may help you to better cope in the moment. But utilizing them on a regular basis will help you operate from a place that is more grounded and stable. This can allow you to mitigate some of the stress that might otherwise become overwhelming.

Try this simple exercise:

Get into a comfortable position and try to relax. Release as much tension from your body as possible. Take a few deep breaths in … and out. Imagine your body is like a big, stable, old oak tree. Imagine yourself being strong and steady, even amid strong winds and stormy weather. Close your eyes and visualize this as you continue to breathe in and out deeply.

Imagine roots at the base of your spine, traveling down through anything below you and deep into the earth. Visualize these roots planted firmly into the ground. Imagine that any negative emotions or stressors can travel out of you, through these roots, and back into the earth where they can be released and recycled.

After you’ve finished embracing this visualization, check in with yourself to see how you are feeling. Notice if you experience any shifts in your emotions or changes in sensations in your body. Hopefully this exercise helps you to establish a better sense of calm. If so, congratulate yourself for successfully using a mindfulness tool. Know you can use this simple meditation anywhere, at any time, in order to feel more stable and secure.

If you found the visualization difficult, keep practicing. There are books, CDs, websites, YouTube videos, and more out there to help you embrace the practice of meditation. If you find the idea of meditating uncomfortable, that’s okay. My original thoughts on meditation years ago were a bit cynical. I believed it sounded hokey, crazy, or foreign. I imagined elderly monks in faraway places sitting perfectly still, eyes closed, for hours on end, depriving themselves of the ability to scratch an itch, not even allowing themselves to eat. I thought meditation meant blanking out your brain and not allowing a single thought to pass though your mind. This, I found impossible.

I’ve since discovered meditation really just means slowing down, developing more awareness, and taking time to be more mindful and present. There are many different techniques and ways to do this. One book I like is Learn to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Self-Discovery and Fulfillment, which offers many techniques for practicing mindfulness. Find what works for you. [amazon_affiliate]

It doesn’t take hours, and it doesn’t need to be difficult. You just need to find a few short moments to regularly and consciously slow down, become more self-aware, and allow your mind to take a break from everything you are juggling. If you aren’t sure how to begin, I encourage you to reach out for help. A compassionate therapist or counselor can offer guidance and support as you explore meditation and mindfulness practices.

Reference:

Fontana, D. (1999). Learn to meditate: A practical guide to self-discovery and fulfillment. San Francisco, CA: Chronicle Books.