A chronic pain cycle can begin when real physical pain interrupts daily life, then slowly shapes how a person thinks, feels, moves, rests, and connects with others. Pain rarely stays only in the body; over time, it can become part of an emotional and behavioral pattern that deserves compassionate support.

Chronic pain cycle
Pain management
Mind-body connection
Therapy support

In This Blog

	What the chronic pain cycle looks like
	Why emotions do not make pain imaginary
	The emotional side of chronic pain
	How therapy can help
	FAQ

Key insight: The chronic pain cycle does not mean pain is imagined. It describes how physical pain, nervous-system sensitivity, fear, avoidance, grief, and stress can influence one another over time.

In his counseling work, Bryan Van Vranken, MA, MBA, RMHCI, often meets people living with chronic pain after surgery, injury, cancer treatment, nerve-related conditions, repeated physical strain, or years of medically complex symptoms. Each story is different. Still, many people describe a similar pattern: pain interrupts life, distress grows around the pain, and the distress begins to make daily life feel smaller.

What the Chronic Pain Cycle Looks Like

The chronic pain cycle often begins with pain that makes ordinary tasks unpredictable. A person may wonder, “Will this get worse?” or “What if I cannot do what I used to do?” Those questions are understandable. Pain can affect work, sleep, relationships, movement, independence, and identity.

From there, many people start pulling back. They may avoid certain movements, activities, errands, social plans, or responsibilities. Sometimes avoidance is protective and wise. Other times, it grows because pain feels uncertain, overwhelming, or difficult to explain to others.

A common chronic pain cycle

Pain → distress → avoidance → decreased activity → sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness → pain feels heavier.

Over time, reduced activity can bring loss. Someone may grieve the life they had before pain, the version of themselves that felt more capable, or the ease they once had in their body. That grief can add emotional weight. The emotional weight can increase tension, worry, and isolation, which may make the experience of pain feel even harder to carry.

Why Emotions Do Not Make Pain Imaginary

One of the most important points is simple: the chronic pain cycle does not mean the pain is not real. Chronic pain is a real health concern. An NCBI Bookshelf overview describes pain as both a sensory and emotional experience, which helps explain why chronic pain can affect mood, relationships, movement, and daily life.

The body and mind are deeply connected. When pain persists, the nervous system can become more sensitive. Stress can increase muscle tension and guardedness. Thoughts can shift toward worst-case scenarios. The American Psychological Association describes how chronic stress can affect multiple body systems, including muscle tension, mood, and daily functioning.

This is not “all in your head.” It is a whole-person experience. GoodTherapy has explored this connection in the mind-body connection in chronic pain and in articles about how physical health and mental health can influence one another.

A compassionate reframe

Instead of asking, “Why can’t I just get over this?” try, “What is my body protecting me from, and what kind of support would help me respond with more steadiness?”

The Emotional Side of Chronic Pain

The emotional side of chronic pain often goes unspoken. Some people feel frustrated because their body no longer responds the way it used to. Others feel isolated because friends, family, coworkers, or clinicians may not fully understand what they are living with. Some carry constant worry about making symptoms worse.

There can also be grief. Grief for lost routines. Grief for independence. Grief for hobbies, work roles, intimacy, sleep, or simple activities that once felt automatic. These reactions are deeply human, not signs of weakness.

According to a 2024 CDC National Center for Health Statistics data brief, 24.3 percent of U.S. adults reported chronic pain in 2023, and 8.5 percent reported high-impact chronic pain that frequently limited life or work activities. Chronic pain is common, but the loneliness around it can still feel intensely personal.

Support is allowed

If pain is affecting your mood, relationships, sleep, or sense of self, a therapist can help you work with the emotional layer without dismissing the physical one. You can search GoodTherapy for a therapist who fits your needs.

How Therapy Can Help the Chronic Pain Cycle

Therapy does not replace medical care, and it does not promise to eliminate pain. Its role is different. Therapy can help reduce the added layer of suffering that builds around pain: fear, shame, isolation, hopelessness, all-or-nothing thinking, and the feeling that life has narrowed to symptoms alone.

In therapy, people often begin by understanding their own chronic pain cycle. From there, they may practice small, realistic shifts that support long-term well-being.

Therapy focus	How it may help
Thought patterns	Notice and gently question thoughts that increase fear, helplessness, or self-blame.
Movement fear	Reduce avoidance in gradual, supported ways that respect medical limits.
Meaningful activities	Reintroduce valued routines at a manageable pace instead of waiting for a perfect pain-free day.
Flare-up planning	Build coping tools for difficult days so setbacks feel less frightening and isolating.
Nervous-system support	Practice calming skills, pacing, mindfulness, or values-based choices that help the body feel less constantly on alert.

Research on psychological and mind-body approaches varies by condition and person, but some approaches have evidence for helping people cope with chronic pain. The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health summarizes evidence on mind and body approaches for chronic pain, including relaxation, mindfulness, and multidisciplinary care. GoodTherapy has also covered pain reprocessing therapy and chronic pain as one emerging approach for some people.

Small Shifts That Can Make Pain Feel Less All-Consuming

Meaningful change is rarely immediate or perfectly linear. Still, small shifts can matter. Some people begin to feel less controlled by pain when they rebuild a sense of choice in the day. Others reconnect with activities they had avoided, even in modified ways. The pain may still be present, but it no longer defines every moment.

Try this now: the one-step pacing check

1. Choose one activity that matters but feels hard right now.
2. Name the smallest version that would still count.
3. Decide what support, rest, or modification would make it more realistic.
4. Afterward, note what helped, what hurt, and what you would adjust next time.

A helpful question is not always, “Why is this happening to me?” That question is understandable, but it can keep a person circling the same painful place. Another question may create more room: “How can I respond to this in a way that supports me?”

This is not passive acceptance. It is a flexible, compassionate response that can make space for engagement, connection, and meaning alongside the reality of pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about the chronic pain cycle, emotions, and therapy support.

Q: What is the chronic pain cycle? +

A: The chronic pain cycle describes how pain, distress, avoidance, reduced activity, difficult emotions, and nervous-system sensitivity can reinforce one another over time. It is a way to understand patterns, not a judgment about the person experiencing pain.

Q: Does therapy mean chronic pain is all in my head? +

A: No. Therapy for chronic pain does not mean the pain is imaginary. It can help with the thoughts, emotions, behaviors, relationships, and stress responses that often develop around real physical pain.

Q: Can emotions make chronic pain worse? +

A: Emotions can influence the experience of pain by affecting stress, muscle tension, attention, sleep, coping, and activity patterns. This does not make the pain less real; it reflects how closely connected the body and mind are.

Q: What kind of therapy can help with chronic pain? +

A: Approaches may include cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, mindfulness-based work, person-centered therapy, pain psychology, or trauma-informed support. The right fit depends on the person, the condition, and the goals of care.

Q: When should I seek support for chronic pain? +

A: Consider support when pain is affecting mood, relationships, sleep, movement, work, identity, or hope. A therapist can work alongside medical care to help you cope with the emotional and daily-life impact of pain.

You do not have to carry chronic pain alone

Therapy can help you understand the chronic pain cycle, reduce emotional distress, and rebuild steadier ways to move through daily life.

Find a Therapist Near You →

About the Author Bryan Van Vranken MA, MBA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern in St. Petersburg, Florida Bryan Van Vranken works with adults navigating chronic pain and illness, anxiety, depression, life transitions, stress, and injury recovery. His approach integrates person-centered therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and practical coping strategies. View Bryan Van Vranken’s GoodTherapy profile

Perfectionism can look like ambition, discipline, and drive. It can also feel like living under a never-ending report card, where every project, grade, performance review, relationship moment, and even appearance is scored, judged, and never quite enough.

Perfectionism
High standards
Self-criticism
Healthy striving

In This Blog

	Why perfectionism feels exhausting
	What causes perfectionism
	Healthy striving vs. perfectionism
	How to loosen perfectionism
	FAQ

Key insight: Perfectionism is not simply caring a lot. It is often a strategy for staying safe from criticism, rejection, shame, or the fear of falling short.

Psychology writers often describe perfectionism as a trait that can be motivating in healthy doses, yet deeply distressing when it becomes rigid and fear-driven. The goal is not to stop having standards. The goal is to build standards that are flexible enough to leave room for learning, connection, and a full life.

Why Perfectionism Feels So Exhausting

Extreme perfectionism tends to focus less on pursuing success and more on avoiding failure. That “do not mess up” orientation can create chronic tension, harsh self-criticism, and the sense that love, belonging, or acceptance must be earned through flawless performance.

Over time, this can make ordinary decisions feel high stakes. A work email becomes a test of competence. A social interaction becomes proof of whether you are likable. A mistake becomes evidence that you are failing as a person. That kind of pressure can keep the nervous system on alert, and the American Psychological Association notes that ongoing stress can affect the body, mood, and behavior.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is often fueled by internal pressure, such as a fear of making mistakes, being judged, disappointing others, or losing approval. Culture matters, too. A large meta-analysis of college students in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom found that multiple forms of perfectionism increased from 1989 to 2016, suggesting that younger generations may be feeling more pressure to be perfect, expecting more of themselves, and sometimes demanding more from others.

You can see this pressure in achievement culture, social comparison, family expectations, trauma histories, school or workplace environments, and messages that equate productivity with worth. For some people, perfectionism and childhood trauma can become connected when being “good,” quiet, successful, or in control once helped them feel safer.

Pause and name the pressure

If perfectionism is leaving you anxious or stuck, it may help to ask, “What am I afraid this mistake would mean about me?” For support with anxiety that hides behind productivity, see High Functioning Anxiety.

Signs Perfectionism May Be Taking Over

Perfectionists often set unrealistically high expectations for themselves, and sometimes for others. They can be quick to spot flaws, overly critical of mistakes, and prone to procrastination because starting or finishing means risking imperfection.

Common perfectionism signals

• Rewriting, rechecking, or delaying work long after it is useful.
• Dismissing compliments or moving immediately to what could have been better.
• Feeling intense shame after ordinary mistakes.
• Relying on achievement, appearance, status, income, or approval to feel okay.
• Avoiding risks, creativity, rest, or connection because the outcome cannot be controlled.

Perfectionism can also show up as procrastination. When the standard is “excellent or worthless,” the safest option may seem like not starting at all. If this pattern feels familiar, it may help to read about how to stop procrastinating without turning the solution into another impossible standard.

The Three Types of Perfectionism

Researchers often describe perfectionism as multidimensional. It can point inward, outward, or toward what we believe other people expect from us.

Self-oriented perfectionism +

This is the pressure to meet impossibly high standards aimed at yourself. It may sound like, “I must never fail,” or “I should be able to handle everything.”

Other-oriented perfectionism +

This is the pressure placed on other people to meet rigid expectations. It can strain relationships when flexibility, repair, and ordinary human limits are not allowed.

Socially prescribed perfectionism +

This is the belief that other people expect you to be perfect. It can be especially painful because approval starts to feel conditional and constantly at risk.

Is Perfectionism a Mental Illness?

Perfectionism itself is generally considered a personality trait, not a mental illness. But when it becomes extreme, it can contribute to or worsen mental health challenges, especially when it is driven by compulsive thoughts, harsh self-criticism, fear of mistakes, or chronic anxiety.

A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis linked perfectionism with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder in adults, with perfectionistic concerns showing a particularly strong relationship with psychological distress. The National Institute of Mental Health explains that anxiety symptoms can interfere with school, work, relationships, and daily routines, which is why patterns that keep the body in threat mode deserve care.

Healthy Striving vs. Demanding Perfection

There is a meaningful difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection. Healthy striving can help you learn, practice, persist, and improve. Maladaptive perfectionism turns improvement into a verdict on your worth.

Healthy striving	Perfectionism
High standards with flexibility.	High standards with fear and rigidity.
Feedback is useful information.	Feedback feels like proof of failure.
Mistakes are part of learning.	Mistakes feel catastrophic or shameful.
Self-worth remains bigger than the outcome.	Self-worth rises and falls with the outcome.

A gentler performance loop

Notice the pressure → name the fear → choose a good-enough next step → learn from the result → reconnect with your values.

How to Loosen Perfectionism Without Lowering Your Standards

Loosening perfectionism does not mean becoming careless. It means practicing standards that can bend without breaking you.

Try this now: the 80 percent experiment

1. Choose one low-stakes task: an email, a drawer, a workout, a slide, or a small errand.
2. Decide what “good enough” looks like before you start.
3. Stop at 80 to 90 percent and observe what actually happens.
4. Write one sentence about what you learned, not whether you did it perfectly.

It can also help to trade comparison for curiosity. When you notice yourself measuring your worth against someone else’s highlight reel, return to what you value and what you are learning. Compassionate self-talk matters, too. Speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a capable friend can make change more sustainable. For a deeper look at that skill, see self-kindness and emotional well-being.

Support is allowed

If perfectionism is affecting your sleep, relationships, work, mood, or ability to rest, a therapist can help you understand the fear underneath it. You can search GoodTherapy for a therapist who fits your needs.

Beliefs That Often Hide Under Perfectionism

Perfectionism often rests on self-defeating beliefs that sound like rules. They may involve achievement, love and belonging, conflict, emotional control, or the fear that being seen as flawed will make you unacceptable.

	“My worth depends on my achievements, intelligence, status, income, or looks.”
	“People will not love or accept me if I am flawed or vulnerable.”
	“If it is not perfect, it is a failure.”
	“I should always feel happy, confident, controlled, and strong.”

These beliefs can feel convincing because they may have helped you cope at one time. But they can also keep you trapped in shame, worry, or emotional exhaustion. The work is not to shame yourself for having these beliefs. The work is to notice them, question them, and build more flexible beliefs that support both excellence and humanity.

When Therapy Can Help With Perfectionism

Therapy can be useful when perfectionism is no longer just a preference for excellence, but a source of anxiety, depression, relationship strain, burnout, compulsive checking, or avoidance. A therapist may help you identify the fears behind perfectionism, practice more flexible thinking, work through early experiences that made perfection feel necessary, and build new ways to respond to mistakes.

Research on treatment for perfectionism is still developing, but a randomized trial of group cognitive behavioral therapy for perfectionism found reductions in perfectionism and related symptoms for participants in the treatment group. That does not mean one approach fits everyone, but it does suggest that perfectionism can be addressed directly and compassionately.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about perfectionism, anxiety, and healthier standards.

Q: Is perfectionism a mental illness? +

A: Perfectionism itself is usually understood as a personality trait, not a diagnosis. It can still affect mental health when it becomes rigid, fear-based, or tied to anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, shame, or avoidance.

Q: What causes perfectionism? +

A: Perfectionism can grow from temperament, family expectations, trauma, cultural pressure, school or workplace demands, social comparison, and the fear of criticism or rejection. For many people, it once felt like a way to stay safe or accepted.

Q: How can I tell healthy striving from perfectionism? +

A: Healthy striving allows mistakes, feedback, rest, and learning. Perfectionism tends to make mistakes feel catastrophic, success temporary, and self-worth dependent on the outcome.

Q: Can perfectionism cause anxiety or depression? +

A: Perfectionism may contribute to anxiety, depression, and related distress, especially when it involves intense concern about mistakes, judgment, or not being good enough. It is one factor, not the whole story, and support can help.

Q: How can therapy help with perfectionism? +

A: Therapy can help you understand what perfectionism protects, challenge all-or-nothing thinking, practice self-compassion, reduce avoidance, and build standards that support your values without making worth depend on flawless performance.

You do not have to earn care by being perfect

If perfectionism is making life smaller, support can help you keep your values while loosening the rules that keep you stuck.

Find a Therapist Near You →

About the Author Jill Verofsky Licensed Professional Counselor in Ambler, Pennsylvania Jill Verofsky describes her approach to therapy as realistic and person-centered, with attention to helping people become more functional in daily life while working toward deeper root issues. View Jill Verofsky’s GoodTherapy profile

When people think of anxiety, they often picture some visible signs. They imagine panic, spiraling thoughts, avoidance, or moments when someone clearly looks overwhelmed. While anxiety can look like that.

High functioning anxiety
Hidden anxiety
Perfectionism
Burnout

In this blog

	How anxiety can fuel performance
	Signs of high functioning anxiety that are easy to miss
	Why high functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed
	The breaking point: burnout and emotional exhaustion
	When should you seek help?
	Effective forms of therapy for high functioning anxiety
	How to approach therapy if you have high functioning anxiety
	Moving forward

That is not the only way it shows up.

Sometimes anxiety is harder to notice, even for the person living with it. It can hide behind routines, ambition, reliability, and the ability to keep going. It can look like answering every email, meeting every deadline, remembering every key event and detail, showing up for people who matter, and still never quite feeling calm. It can look like being the one everyone depends on while your own mind never fully quiets down.

That is why it is important to recognize this type of anxiety. Commonly known as high functioning anxiety, this experience is not recognized as a formal mental health diagnosis, but it describes something very real. Many individuals continue to function at a high level while carrying persistent worry, pressure, and internal distress that often goes unseen.

How Anxiety can Fuel Performance

One of the reasons high functioning anxiety can go unnoticed is that it often wears socially acceptable masks and may often look like success. In fact, in may look like being very responsible. It may look like caring deeply. It may look like staying organized, always preparing, or trying hard not to let anyone down. Some people learn to manage anxiety by becoming exceptionally good at anticipating problems, staying busy, and keeping control wherever they can.

In many cases, anxiety does not stop people. It pushes them.

Pushes them to care deeply, to stay highly organized, to always prepare for things and events in advance or or try to not let anyone down.

Research indicates that certain forms of anxiety, especially when tied to performance or expectations, can coexist with high achievement. In academic settings, for example, perfectionistic standards can even have a positive relationship with performance outcomes, despite underlying stress.

At the same time, this productivity is often driven by fear. Fear of failure, fear of letting others down, or fear of not being “good enough.”

This creates a cycle where:

1 Anxiety fuels effort

2 Effort leads to achievement

3 Achievement reinforces the anxiety

What looks like discipline or ambition from the outside may actually be a coping mechanism on the inside.

Signs of High-functioning Anxiety that are Easy to Miss

High functioning anxiety rarely looks like avoidance or breakdowns. Instead, it shows up in patterns that are often socially rewarded.

For some people, anxiety shows up as perfectionism. For others, it appears as people pleasing, irritability, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, or the sense that their mind is always running in the background. Some people stay busy because slowing down brings them too close to feelings they do not know how to sit with. Others become highly attuned to everyone else around them, constantly tracking moods, reactions, and signs of disappointment.

Some of the most common but overlooked signs include:

	Constant overthinking, even about small decisions
	Perfectionism and fear of mistakes
	People-pleasing and difficulty saying no
	Staying busy to avoid slowing down
	Difficulty relaxing, even during rest
	Persistent physical tension or fatigue
	Becoming attuned to surroundings, tracking moods, reactions and signs of disappointment

Research shows that perfectionistic tendencies and worry are closely linked, with worry often acting as a core feature of anxiety.

In fact, maladaptive perfectionism has been consistently associated with anxiety symptoms across multiple studies and populations.

If these patterns feel familiar, talking to a therapist can help you understand what is driving them.

Why High-Functioning Anxiety often goes Unnoticed

High functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed not because it is rare, but because it usually does not align with what we expect anxiety to look like.

Mental health systems typically define disorders based on distress and impairment. But what happens when someone is distressed, yet still performing well?

People with high functioning anxiety often:

Meet expectations

Maintain relationships

Succeed professionally

As a result, their internal experience is often overlooked, both by themselves and by others.

This is reinforced by social and cultural expectations. Productivity, reliability, and achievement are rewarded, even when they come at the cost of mental wellbeing.

The Breaking Point: Burnout and Emotional Exhaustion

Despite being hidden, high functioning anxiety can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being and is not sustainable indefinitely.

It can make it hard to be fully present. You may be physically in the room but mentally somewhere else, scanning the next problem, thinking about the next task, or the next thing that could potentially go wrong. You may struggle to enjoy moments of rest because your mind treats stillness like a threat instead of relief.

Over time, this feeling piles up and can feel exhausting.

You may find yourself becoming more irritable, more physically and emotionally drained, or more disconnected from joy. This is one of the quieter harms of anxiety. It can steal peace long before it interrupts performance.

Over time, the constant pressure, overthinking, and need to perform can lead to:

1Burnout	2Emotional exhaustion
3Irritability or detachment	4Difficulty concentrating
5Sudden breakdowns after long periods of coping

Research shows that perfectionism and anxiety are linked to chronic psychological distress and rumination, which can intensify over time if not addressed. Similarly, studies highlight that individuals with strong perfectionistic tendencies are more vulnerable to long-term stress and mental health challenges. Such people don’t fall apart slowly but rather hold it together, until they can’t.

You do not have to wait until burnout to seek support. Early conversations with a therapist can make a meaningful difference.

When should you seek help?

One of the biggest barriers to seeking support is the belief that your condition is not serious because you are fully functional and able to carry out everyday tasks as expected.

But functioning is not the same as feeling okay.

Your body may be sending subtle signals you tend to overlook, but they could be a sign that you need professional support.

It may be time to seek support if:

It may be time to seek support if:

	your mind rarely feels calm
	you feel constant internal pressure
	rest feels uncomfortable or undeserved
	your anxiety is affecting your relationships or wellbeing
	you feel exhausted despite being productive

Because the external signs of struggle are minimal, high functioning anxiety often delays help seeking, but getting support early can prevent long term burnout and more serious mental health challenges.

Connect with a licensed therapist who specializes in anxiety and stress.

Effective forms of Therapy for High Functioning Anxiety

Many people with high functioning anxiety hesitate to seek help because they feel like they are “managing.” But therapy can help you understand what is driving that constant pressure and give you tools to move through life with more clarity and less strain.

Some of the most effective approaches include:

1	Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) CBT helps you identify patterns of thought that fuel anxiety and replace them with more balanced, realistic perspectives. It is especially helpful if you: overthink decisions expect the worst outcomes tie your self-worth to performance
2	Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) ACT focuses on helping you accept internal experiences rather than constantly trying to control them. This can be helpful if: you feel the need to always stay in control slowing down feels uncomfortable your mind is constantly “on”
3	Therapy for Perfectionism Some therapists specifically work with perfectionism and high standards. This approach helps you: challenge unrealistic expectations reduce self-criticism separate your worth from your productivity

How to Approach Therapy if you have High Functioning Anxiety

If this type of anxiety resonates with you, it can help to look for therapists who:

• specialize in anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder
• have experience working with perfectionism or high achievers
• focus on stress, burnout, or overthinking
• use structured, evidence-based approaches

Browse therapist profiles and connect with someone who aligns with your needs and approach.

Moving Forward

High functioning anxiety can be easy to miss, especially when it looks like success. But just because you are meeting expectations, staying productive, and showing up for others does not mean you are not struggling.

Anxiety does not always look like falling apart. Sometimes, it looks like holding everything together, at a cost. Recognizing that cost is the first step toward something better.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about high functioning anxiety and getting support.

Q: Is high functioning anxiety a formal diagnosis? +

A: No. High functioning anxiety is not recognized as a formal mental health diagnosis, but it describes a real experience where someone continues to function while carrying persistent worry, pressure, and internal distress.

Q: What are signs of high functioning anxiety? +

A: Signs can include constant overthinking, perfectionism, fear of mistakes, people-pleasing, difficulty relaxing, physical tension, fatigue, and staying busy to avoid slowing down.

Q: When should someone seek help for high functioning anxiety? +

A: It may be time to seek support if your mind rarely feels calm, rest feels uncomfortable, anxiety is affecting your relationships or wellbeing, or you feel exhausted despite being productive.

Q: What therapy can help with high functioning anxiety? +

A: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and therapy focused on perfectionism may help people understand the pressure behind anxiety and build more balanced ways of coping.

Resources:

	Fletcher, S. (2024). What are signs of high functioning anxiety? Canadian Centre for Addictions. https://canadiancentreforaddictions.org/what-are-signs-of-high-functioning-anxiety/
	Lunn, J., Greene, D., Callaghan, T., & Egan, S. J. (2023). Associations between perfectionism and symptoms of anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression in young people: A meta-analysis. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2023.2211736
	Macedo, A., Marques, M., & Pereira, A. T. (2014). Perfectionism and psychological distress: A review of the cognitive factors. International Journal of Clinical Neurosciences and Mental Health. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/260552234_Perfectionism_and_psychological_distress_a_review_of_the_cognitive_factors_REVIEW
	Stöber, J., & Joormann, J. (2001). Worry, procrastination, and perfectionism: Differentiating amount of worry, pathological worry, anxiety, and depression. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 25, 49–60. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1026474715384
	Wu, R., Chen, J., Li, Q., & Zhou, H. (2022). Reducing the influence of perfectionism and statistics anxiety on college student performance in statistics courses. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, Article 1011278. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1011278

If you’ve ever typed “types of therapy” into a search tool and felt more confused after reading the results, you’re not alone. Terms like cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and EMDR can sound clinical and intimidating, but this guide helps you understand these approaches with definitions written for real people like you.

Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time, exploring options for a loved one, or simply trying to ask better questions when working with a therapist, we can help you through it all.

Why Knowing Your Therapy Options Matters

The beauty of therapy is that there is no one approach: it looks different for everyone, depending on their needs. The right treatment for someone navigating grief may look very different from what works for someone managing borderline personality disorder or processing childhood trauma. You may have heard of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which is very effective for many people, but it’s just one of many therapy approaches that trained professionals can use.

Knowing what’s available and which modalities address different needs empowers you to have informed, meaningful conversations with potential therapists or current therapists. It also helps you trust the process once you begin the healing journey.

The Most Common Types of Therapy, Explained

How Do You Know Which Type of Therapy Is Right for You?

The truth is: You don’t always know in advance, and that’s okay. Most skilled therapists are trained in multiple modalities and will tailor their approach to your specific needs, history, and goals. The most skilled therapists have a diverse toolkit of methods they can draw from, adapting their approach to match each person’s unique needs, interests, and developmental stage.

That said, going in with some knowledge gives you the ability to ask meaningful questions. When looking for the right therapist, or during your next session, try asking your therapist these questions:

Asking these questions will help you find the right fit for your healing journey, and a good therapist will welcome them.

A Quick Reference: Therapy Types and What They Address

There are so many therapeutic approaches out there, and we’ve only covered a few. Still, here’s a breakdown of the theories we discussed and what they can help support:

Taking the Next Step

Understanding these approaches is the first step in building a better you. Finding the right therapist is a significant part of improving your mental health, but you don’t have to do it alone. GoodTherapy’s therapist directory allows you to filter by therapy type, specialization, location, and more, so you can find someone who truly fits your needs.

If you’re still exploring whether therapy is right for you, our blog on what to expect in your first therapy session can help you get started.

Remember, reaching out is not a sign that something is irreparably wrong with you. It’s a sign that you know your well-being is worth investing in.

Every January, you promise yourself this will be the year. You may think: This time, I’ll finally lose the weight, cut back on drinking, stop feeling so anxious, or fix that relationship I’ve been neglecting.

You may make it through January, but the failure rate for many New Year’s resolutions hovers around 80%. After a month or two into the new year, you might have given up on your goal and may be carrying the additional weight of disappointment and self-blame.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. More importantly, you may not be failing because you lack willpower or discipline. When you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year without lasting change, it may be time to consider a different possibility: how mental health is involved.

Why Do I Keep Failing at My New Year’s Resolutions?

If only 9% of Americans ultimately keep their resolutions, this means the vast majority of people struggle just like you do. But while fitness gurus and self-help books will tell you to set smarter goals, track your habits, or find an accountability partner, these strategies often miss a crucial truth: behavioral change is nearly impossible when underlying mental health conditions are working against you.

The Willpower Myth: Why “Just Try Harder” Doesn’t Work

For decades, we’ve been told that willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. But actually, the very belief that you just need more self-control may be setting you up for failure.

Success is often influenced by a combination of personality traits, environmental factors, and social contexts rather than willpower alone. In reality, when you’re battling anxiety, depression, undiagnosed ADHD, or trauma, your brain is working with fundamentally different resources.

How Mental Health Conditions Sabotage Your Goals

The resolutions you make year after year to lose weight, drink less, manage anxiety, and improve relationships aren’t random. They’re often symptoms of deeper struggles that haven’t been identified or addressed. Consider what other factors might be at play, and give yourself some newfound grace.

When Depression Derails Your Best Intentions

This year, you may plan to exercise more, eat better, or reconnect with friends. But anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues are common conditions that nearly 21 million adults in the U.S. deal with each year (as of 2021 data).

While it manifests differently from person to person, depression doesn’t just make you feel sad: it fundamentally alters your motivation, energy levels, and ability to experience pleasure. When you’re depressed, the activities that would help you feel better feel impossibly difficult.

ADHD: The Hidden Hurdle

Many adults struggle for years without realizing they have Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity (ADHD). They may just think they’re lazy, undisciplined, or fundamentally flawed. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation, and consistency, leading to self-sabotaging behavior like missed deadlines, emotional outbursts, or difficulty following routines.

Living with ADHD can make it difficult to reach your goals and find a routine that works. Your resolution to wake up earlier, stick to a budget, or stop procrastinating faces up against mental health factors that no amount of determination or “willpower” can overcome.

Anxiety and the Self-Sabotage Cycle

If you want to be less anxious this year, you might make resolutions to meditate, practice self-care, or “worry less.” But anxiety has a way of hijacking your best efforts, whether it’s related to politics, finances, relationships, the holidays, or more. These deep-rooted beliefs and thinking patterns can fuel all kinds of fears that can result in procrastination or avoidance. If left unchecked, this can lead to general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

Ironically, the very act of setting ambitious goals can trigger anxiety about failure, which confirms your worst fears about yourself. It’s a cycle that feels impossible to break on your own. Luckily, anxiety (and depression and ADHD) is a very treatable and common condition that doesn’t have to get in your way.

Depression, ADHD, and anxiety are not the only mental health issues that can make reaching your annual goals a challenge. Substance abuse challenges, trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and others might be at play. The first step, though, is doing some self-evaluation and talking to a licensed mental health professional.

What Does Self-Sabotage Really Look Like?

Getting in your own way isn’t always obvious, and it doesn’t always look like giving up. Knowing the below signs of self-sabotage can equip you with the tools to interrupt your harmful patterns and start reaching your goals:

Low self-esteem and unfounded beliefs about being deficient, not good enough, incapable, or unintelligent contribute to self-defeating behavior. These core beliefs fuel fears about performance and can cause procrastination or avoidance.

If you find yourself getting in your own way, remember: These patterns aren’t character flaws. They’re often learned responses to unmet emotional needs. Plus, they’re incredibly common among people with undiagnosed mental health conditions.

How Do I Know If I Need Professional Help?

If you’re reading this and wondering whether your resolution struggles signal something deeper, try asking yourself these questions:

Prioritizing your mental health needs doesn’t have to follow a significant or traumatic event in your life. It can be the natural next step if you notice the little things adding up and your resolutions getting harder and harder to achieve.

What Can Therapy Actually Do for My Resolutions?

Despite what some may think, therapy isn’t about having someone tell you to try harder or hold you accountable. It’s about uncovering and addressing the root causes that have been affecting your efforts all along. Finding emotional healing starts with a diagnosis, if applicable, exploring root causes, and building the skills to manage your needs.

Accurate Diagnosis Changes Everything

A thorough evaluation for a specific condition, or a few, might seem scary and overwhelming. But getting an accurate diagnosis gives you clarity. Suddenly, your struggles have a name and a framework. Whether you have ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, or another condition, early identification improves the effectiveness of treatment and improves your overall quality of life. You’re not broken or lazy: you’re dealing with a legitimate challenge that has real solutions.

Therapy Addresses the “Why,” Not Just the “What”

Resolutions and therapy may share the same end goal of bettering yourself, but they approach it in very different ways. Resolution-setting focuses on behavior: eat less, exercise more, save money. Therapy digs into why those behaviors have been so difficult to sustain.

A skilled therapist can help you:

You Learn Skills That Last Beyond January

Therapy is not meant to give you a one-time fix for a sticky situation or a script for handling one tough conversation. Therapy approaches are long-term treatments that can be very helpful in creating lasting change. Some common frameworks include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to name a few.

Making Therapy Your Resolution This Year

This year, instead of resolving to change your behavior through just more willpower and determination, consider making a different commitment: to understand yourself better and get the support you deserve.

When finding a therapist, look for someone who:

Seeking therapy is about acknowledging that you’ve been fighting an uphill battle with limited tools and wanting to make a change, not admitting defeat. With proper treatment, you can work towards genuine self-motivation.

Take the First Step Towards a Healthier You

Change takes time, and it doesn’t have to start with a sweeping life overhaul. It can start with one phone call, one appointment, one honest conversation about what you’ve been struggling with. Setting New Year’s resolutions already proves you have the desire to change, so now it’s time to get the support that makes change possible.

Find a therapist near you who can help you understand what’s been holding you back and build a path forward that actually works for your life and your unique circumstances.

In our hyperconnected, always-on world, it’s become almost trendy to joke about being “bad at adulting.” If you’re struggling to remember to pay bills on time, keep your apartment clean, or be on time despite your best intentions, you might just tell yourself “you’re bad at adulting,” but there could be more to it.

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects an estimated 7 million children and 6% of adults in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Yet, countless adults remain undiagnosed, attributing their daily struggles to personal shortcomings rather than recognizing the signs of a condition that’s both treatable and manageable.

Below, we break down common misconceptions and easy-to-spot signs of ADHD and point you towards solutions. With intentionality and support from medication or therapists, like those from GoodTherapy, you can tackle your ADHD and thrive in your day-to-day life without feeling stifled.  

Adult ADHD vs. Childhood ADHD: Key Differences to Know

When most people think of ADHD, they picture a young child bouncing off classroom walls, unable to sit still or focus. This stereotype has done significant damage to public understanding of the condition, particularly for women and adults who don’t fit this narrow profile.

Women and girls are particularly likely to be overlooked because they often internalize their symptoms. Instead of acting out, they might daydream, struggle with self-esteem, or develop anxiety as a secondary condition. In fact, recent research found that girls with ADHD are significantly more likely to be diagnosed later in life, if at all.

Adult ADHD rarely involves running around a classroom. Instead, it might manifest in much more covert and counterintuitive ways, such as:

Many adults discover they have ADHD only when their child is diagnosed, or when life demands exceed their coping mechanisms. Major life transitions such as starting college, beginning a career, or having children can overwhelm existing coping strategies and reveal underlying ADHD symptoms.

Understanding the signs of ADHD and challenging common stereotypes can provide you with answers to the questions you might be asking about yourself or your child. It can also encourage healthy conversations around ADHD in the space and encourage individuals to seek professional help for this treatable condition.

Debunking Common ADHD Myths

Despite decades of research, misconceptions about ADHD persist. Let’s address some of the most harmful myths so you can remain knowledgeable, informed, and confident that you might not just be “bad at adulting” but actually dealing with something more:

How The Modern Digital Age Worsens Adult ADHD Symptoms

Our modern environment presents unique challenges for people with ADHD. The constant ping of notifications, the pressure to multitask, and the overwhelming amount of information we process daily can exacerbate ADHD symptoms or mask them entirely.

Being aware of the elements that can worsen or actually hide ADHD in yourself or others is key to addressing the condition at its core. Consider these modern stressors:

While it can be hard to avoid an influx of information in our day-to-day, there are strategies for minimizing this overload and avoiding burnout, whether that’s by minimizing doomscrolling, taking breaks from social media, or talking to a licensed therapist from GoodTherapy.

3 Real-Life Adult ADHD Examples: Do Any Sound Familiar?

It’s important to talk with an expert before diagnosing yourself with ADHD. Still, recognizing common symptoms of ADHD is crucial for both recognizing you’re probably not “bad at adulting” and also finding the help you need. Consider these adult ADHD examples:

Next Steps: How to Get Help for Suspected Adult ADHD

If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, approach the possibility of ADHD with curiosity rather than judgment. Having ADHD is nothing to be afraid of, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken or flawed: it means your brain works differently, and you may benefit from different strategies and support. Take the following next steps to set yourself up for success and discover the sides of ADHD you might not know:

Getting Adult ADHD Support: You Deserve Better Than “Just Trying Harder”

The narrative that you’re just “bad at adulting” is not only unhelpful but also potentially harmful if it prevents you from getting the support you need. Your struggles are real, and you deserve compassion, especially from yourself. Remember, recognizing ADHD is about understanding your brain so you can work with it rather than against it. With proper support, strategies, and sometimes medication, people with ADHD can thrive in all areas of life.

Step 1: Establish and Maintain Firm Boundaries in Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Establishing clear boundaries while co-parenting with a narcissist is crucial for emotional safety and stability.

A person with narcissistic traits often views boundaries as challenges to their control. Your ability to create and enforce clear boundaries becomes your most powerful protective tool.

Strong boundaries can protect you and your children when co-parenting with a narcissist.

Be Direct and Unemotional

When setting boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent, clarity and emotional neutrality are essential. State your boundary clearly and calmly: “I am not going to discuss this while you are yelling. I am hanging up now, and we can talk when you are calm.” Then, crucially, follow through immediately.

The follow-through matters more than the words. Narcissistic individuals test boundaries constantly, so consistency proves you mean what you say.

Don’t Explain or Justify

Avoid getting pulled into arguments or debates about your boundaries. Lengthy explanations provide manipulation opportunities. The boundary is non-negotiable, not because you’re being difficult, but because it protects your family’s emotional health.

When you justify boundaries, you’re implying they’re up for discussion. They’re not.

Remember Your “Why”

Adhering to boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent will be uncomfortable. You’ll likely face gaslighting, a manipulative tactic that the National Domestic Violence Hotline describes as making someone question their own reality, memory, or perceptions.

You may also encounter guilt trips, condescending behavior, or accusations of being “difficult” or “unreasonable.” Remind yourself regularly: you’re not doing this to punish them. You’re protecting your children and yourself from emotional manipulation and creating a healthier environment.

Step 2: Validate Your Children’s Reality

Co-parenting with a narcissist means being vigilant about your children’s emotional needs and offering them the validation they may not receive from their other parent.

Children of narcissistic parents often feel their feelings, thoughts, and very identity are invisible or “wrong.” Your role as the other parent is to be a consistent source of validation and unconditional love.

Children’s self-esteem is profoundly influenced by how their parents respond to them. When one parent is narcissistic, the other parent’s validation becomes even more critical.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

When your child expresses hurt or frustration about their interactions with the narcissistic parent, validate their emotions: “It makes sense that you feel upset about that” or “I see how hard you’re working, and I’m proud of you.”

Never dismiss their feelings, even when you’re trying to keep peace. Your validation teaches them to trust their emotional experiences, a crucial life skill that research from the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University shows is fundamental to building resilience.

Separate Their Worth from Their Performance

Narcissistic parents often tie a child’s value to their performance or how the child makes the parent look. Counter this damaging message consistently.

Remind your children that their worth is inherent and not dependent on grades, athletic achievement, appearance, or living up to someone else’s unrealistic expectations. Celebrate who they are, not just what they do.

Correct Unhealthy Messages

If your children have been told they’re “too sensitive,” “not good enough,” or that their emotions are problems, gently counter these messages.

Without directly criticizing the other parent (which can backfire), you might say: “It’s important to learn how to manage emotions well, and yelling is an example of not managing them well. You are not broken or ‘less than’ because you have feelings. Feelings are information, and learning to understand them is a strength.”

Step 3: Prioritize Your Own Healing and Growth

Your healing journey is crucial in the context of co-parenting with a narcissist, where emotional turmoil can affect everyone involved.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. To be a strong, resilient anchor for your children while co-parenting with a narcissist, you must invest in your own well-being. This isn’t selfish, it’s essential.

Focus on What You Can Control

You cannot control another person’s behavior, manipulations, or emotional outbursts. But you can absolutely control your response. This shift in focus is incredibly empowering and reduces the emotional toll of the co-parenting relationship.

The concept of the “locus of control”, whether you believe events are controlled by your own actions or external forces, significantly impacts mental health. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology demonstrates that an internal locus of control is associated with better psychological outcomes.

Build Your Own Self-Esteem

The most powerful defense against narcissistic manipulation is a strong sense of self. Engage in activities you love, set and achieve personal goals, and celebrate your victories, no matter how small.

When your self-worth comes from within rather than external validation, narcissistic tactics lose their power over you. Mental Health America offers excellent resources on self-care practices that support mental wellness.

The Secret to Understanding the Narcissist

Understanding that narcissistic behavior often stems from incredible insecurity can help you emotionally detach from their manipulation. This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it prevents you from internalizing their criticisms or taking their actions personally.

Your goal isn’t to force them to change, it’s to change your response and speak life into your children.

Step 4: Seek Professional Support for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Seeking professional support tailored to co-parenting with a narcissist can make a significant difference in how well you manage interactions.

You don’t have to walk this challenging path alone. Navigating co-parenting with a narcissistic individual while protecting your children’s emotional health requires tools and perspective that professional support can provide.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides a national helpline (1-800-662-4357) that offers free, confidential, 24/7 support and can connect you with local mental health resources.

A qualified therapist can help you:

• Develop effective communication strategies that minimize conflict
• Set and maintain healthy boundaries without guilt
• Process the emotional toll of the co-parenting relationship
• Recognize manipulation tactics and respond strategically
• Build resilience for yourself and your children
• Create a parenting plan that protects your children’s interests

Professional support also provides a safe space for your children to heal, process their experiences, and learn that their feelings are valid. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers excellent resources on personality disorders and their impact on families.

Finding professionals who understand the intricacies of co-parenting with a narcissist will help you navigate this challenging relationship.

Legal and Practical Considerations

When co-parenting with a narcissist, documentation becomes essential. Keep detailed records of all communications, agreements, and concerning incidents. Many family law attorneys recommend using court-approved co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents, which create timestamped, unalterable records of all communications.

If safety concerns arise, the Office on Women’s Health provides resources for creating safety plans and understanding your legal options. Remember that emotional abuse is just as serious as physical abuse, and protective measures may be necessary.

Building an Unshakeable Foundation

You and your children deserve peace, emotional safety, and healing. The greatest defense against the negative effects of narcissism isn’t winning arguments or changing the other person, it’s building an unshakeable sense of self-worth for yourself and your children.

When co-parenting with a narcissist, remember:

• Your boundaries protect your family’s emotional space
• Your children need validation more than they need you to keep the peace at all costs
• Your healing directly impacts your children’s resilience
• Professional support isn’t a luxury, it’s a strategic investment in your family’s future

Every step you take toward establishing boundaries, validating your children, and prioritizing healing creates ripples of positive change. You’re not just surviving this co-parenting situation, you’re modeling strength, self-respect, and emotional intelligence for your children.

That’s a legacy worth fighting for.

We all want to feel needed, appreciated, and connected. But when your sense of worth hinges on how much you do for others; when saying no feels dangerous or caring for yourself brings guilt; you might be caught in an over-accommodating loop. Caring deeply and showing up for others isn’t the problem. The trouble begins when your own needs fade so far into the background that you forget they’re even there.

Research shows that people pleasing behavior is more common than you might think, often having roots that stretch back into childhood and significantly impacting mental health outcomes.

What It Feels Like to Over-Accommodate

If you’re someone who regularly adjusts your plans, preferences, or even your personality to keep others happy, you might be stuck in an over-accommodating loop. This can look like being easygoing, selfless, or “low maintenance” on the outside – but inside, you may feel overwhelmed, unappreciated, or exhausted.

While this pattern can be rooted in a genuine desire to help, it’s often driven by deeper fears: fear of conflict, fear of being a burden, fear of not being enough unless you’re useful. And those fears can quietly shape your relationships, your self-worth, and your overall well-being.

Common Signs of People Pleasing Behavior

Understanding the patterns of people pleasing behavior is crucial for recognizing when caring crosses into self-sacrifice:

Taking on Emotional Responsibility: You often feel responsible for keeping others happy or avoiding their discomfort, even when it’s not your job.

Struggling to Say No: Turning down requests makes you feel guilty, selfish, or worried someone will be upset.

Putting Yourself Last: Your own rest, needs, and boundaries get pushed aside to make room for others.

Guilt Around Self-Care: Doing something for yourself feels indulgent – or even wrong.

Resentment or Burnout: You feel drained or underappreciated, but you keep giving anyway.

Harvard-trained psychologist Debbie Sorensen notes that people pleasers are at significantly higher risk for workplace burnout due to their difficulty setting boundaries and saying no to additional responsibilities.

The Trap in Romantic Relationships

People pleasing behavior can really show up in romantic relationships, especially with partners who are more self-focused or entitled. If you’re overly other-oriented, you might feel pulled to caretake, smooth things over, or manage the other person’s moods. Your needs take a backseat, sometimes so far back you lose sight of them entirely.

Without meaning to, you may even reinforce the idea that the relationship revolves around their wants – because you keep showing up, quietly stretching yourself thinner. Over time, this dynamic can leave you feeling resentful, emotionally alone, or unsure what you even want from a partner.

Change starts by noticing these patterns, getting curious about them, and slowly learning to voice your needs and limits. That’s not selfish – it’s how mutual relationships are built.

Where People Pleasing Behavior Comes From

This habit of over-accommodating usually isn’t random. Most people learned it somewhere. Sometimes, the pattern forms in response to unspoken expectations – subtle cues that your role was to be the helper, the fixer, the one who stayed calm. Even if no one ever said it out loud, you may have absorbed the message that your value came from being easy, helpful, or emotionally low maintenance.

Research indicates that people pleasing behavior often stems from childhood experiences where love or approval was conditional. If caregivers only validated them when they were obedient, accommodating, or high-achieving, they may have learned that their worth depends on meeting others’ expectations.

Maybe you grew up in a household where conflict felt dangerous, so you kept the peace. Maybe you had a parent who struggled, and you stepped into the role of emotional support. Or maybe you were simply rewarded for being the one who didn’t “cause trouble.” When your safety or connection depended on being agreeable, helpful, or invisible, it makes sense that you internalized those ways of coping. They helped you survive then, but they might be hurting you now.

Moving Toward Balance: Overcoming People Pleasing Behavior

You don’t have to stop being caring or supportive. But what if your own needs got equal airtime? What if tending to your well-being wasn’t something you earned after taking care of everyone else? These changes don’t happen overnight, but they’re possible with time, practice, and support.

Here are a few steps toward that kind of shift:

Practice Assertiveness: Speak up about your preferences and needs – even in small ways. Start where it feels hard, but possible. Studies show that learning assertiveness skills is crucial for breaking free from people pleasing patterns.

Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable: Rest, connection, creativity – whatever refuels you – deserves space on your calendar.

Challenge the Guilt: Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s sustainable.

Notice the Roots: Start gently unpacking where these patterns came from. What were you taught about your role in relationships?

Seek Out Mutuality: Surround yourself with people who want to know the real you – not just the version who shows up for them.

FAQ: Understanding People Pleasing Behavior

Q: Is people pleasing behavior a mental health condition? A: While not a diagnosable condition itself, chronic people pleasing behavior is often linked to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and codependency. It can also be a trauma response known as “fawning.”

Q: How do I know if my helping is healthy or unhealthy? A: Healthy helping comes from choice and maintains your boundaries. Unhealthy people pleasing feels compulsive, leaves you drained, and often involves sacrificing your own needs consistently.

Q: Can people pleasing behavior be changed? A: Yes! With awareness, practice, and often professional support, people can learn to set healthy boundaries, practice assertiveness, and build self-worth independent of others’ approval.

Q: What’s the difference between being kind and people pleasing? A: Kindness comes from genuine care and choice, while people pleasing is driven by fear, guilt, or the need for approval. Kind people can say no when needed; people pleasers struggle with this.

Q: How long does it take to overcome people pleasing habits? A: Recovery is a gradual process that varies for each person. Some may see changes in weeks with consistent practice, while deeply ingrained patterns may take months or years to fully transform.

Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

Being someone who cares deeply is a gift. But when that care becomes a quiet erasure of your own needs, it can be a heavy burden to carry. You deserve relationships that go both ways – and a life that honors your needs just as much as anyone else’s.

Healing people pleasing behavior doesn’t mean giving less. It means giving in a way that includes you – where your voice, your needs, and your inner steadiness are part of the equation. You’re allowed to show up fully, not just as the one who helps, but as someone equally worthy of care.

Between high inflation rates, hiring freezes, tax rates, health complications, and more, life throws plenty of financial stressors at us, and it can be hard to make ends meet or save money. While managing your finances is important for your economic stability, it is also important for your overall well-being, as significant financial stress can negatively impact your mental health.

While many studies highlight the varying degrees and types of financial stress that different genders, ages, and income levels experience, there’s no denying that chronic or long-term stress can impact your mental and physical health. If money stressors negatively impact your well-being, you’re part of the 47% of Americans who feel the same.

Below, we break down what might be contributing to money stressors in your life and what you can do about them. Luckily, professionals at GoodTherapy are prepared to support you as you navigate the complicated world of finances. 

Causes of Financial Anxiety

Identifying the source of your money-related stress is the first step in managing your financial and personal health. Everyone’s financial anxiety comes from a different set of sources, but there are a few common ones that might resonate with you:

• Job loss or reduced hours
• Caring for dependents
• Lack of financial literacy or education
• Lack of savings
• Debt or student loans
• Healthcare costs or other unexpected emergencies
• Separation or divorce
• Taxes, inflation, and economic recessions
• Food or housing insecurity 

When you’re experiencing financial stress, you may not realize the emotional or physical impacts it has on your well-being. By understanding the relationship between economic anxiety and mental health, you can take the first step in prioritizing your own wellness for your current and future self. 

The Link Between Financial Stress and Mental Health

The relationship between financial and mental health is layered, but understanding their connections helps you prioritize both. Based on recent research, consider these key takeaways:

• Certain types of debt, like medical debt, tend to have the biggest impact on people’s mental health
• Financial stress can fuel anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem since struggling to meet financial goals can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy
• When someone is experiencing money-related stress, they are more likely to neglect their physical and mental health needs
• Money worries can impact physical functioning, like sleep quality and motivation
• Financial strain often influences relationships, leading to conflicts with partners or family and increasing feelings of isolation

Whether we want our finances and our mental health to be connected or not, the truth is this: understanding their relationship helps you have greater compassion for yourself and identify the best coping strategies.   

Why Comparing Yourself on Social Media Can Worsen Financial Stress & How to Stop

In this day in age, social media influences nearly every aspect of our lives — including our financial health. Many individuals scroll on social media apps to connect, shop, consume news, entertainment, and share information. Many also feel pressure to “keep up” with others on social media and overspend on items and experiences as a result. This social urge to not “fall behind” and consequently spend money can negatively impact your finances, economic stability, and overall mental health.

If you find yourself overscrolling and overspending on too many or low-quality products thanks to social media, the following are some tips to keep in mind so you and your wallet are happier:

• Financial products: Do you research on any brand that is promoting or selling financial products, and make sure they are legit and effective
• Get-rich-quick and ‘hacks’ for debt: Be wary of any fast wealth or miracle debt reduction schemes, as these are often scams
• Guaranteed results: Some products can promise a guaranteed result, but not many. Be careful not to over-trust products that promise a flawless reward and no potential losses.

How to Manage Money Anxiety

Everyone’s financial situation is different, by knowing some standard best practices for economic stability can help you feel more in control and manage your emotional well-being, too. Below are a few tips for staying afloat during stressful financial times:

• Identify what you can control regarding discretionary spending
• Seek ways to earn more money, whether that’s side jobs, asking for a raise, or selling some items
• Try to save money, even when funds are tight
• Seek support from financial and mental health experts
• Set realistic goals by breaking down big issues (like paying off debt or saving for a trip) into smaller, manageable steps
• Create and stick to a simple budget: track your income and expenses using an app or spreadsheet to give yourself a clearer picture of your finances
• Identify your financial triggers and avoid them, such as taking a break from social media or filtering your subscriptions to financial marketing noise
• Educate yourself about personal finance through articles, podcasts, courses, books, and more

When economic hardship occurs, there’s no one way to handle it. However, understanding your options will help you feel more comfortable with your economic state and protect your mental well-being — at the same time.

Tackle Your Financial Stress Today With Our Budgeting Template

Step 1: Evaluate Your Money Stress

• On a scale from 1 (low) to 5 (high), how would you rate your current financial stress?
• What’s causing you the most stress financially right now? (Examples: job loss, debt, bills, family needs, inflation, social media)

Step 2: Simple Monthly Budget Worksheet

Step 3: Take Your First Action

• What’s one small change you can make this month to improve your finances or reduce stress? (Example: Cancel a subscription, set a spending limit, ask for support, take a social media break)

Step 4: Check In With Your Mental Health

• How is your financial situation making you feel emotionally or physically?
• Are you experiencing sleep problems, anxiety, or trouble focusing?
• What support or coping strategy could help you feel better? (Example: talking to a friend, seeing a therapist, practicing mindfulness)

Remember, this template is a starting point. Small steps can lead to big changes for your wallet and your well-being. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, GoodTherapy’s network of professionals is here to help.

Finding Affordable Support With GoodTherapy

When life’s stressors start to take a toll, sometimes tips and tricks aren’t quite enough. Seeking professional help from an experienced, licensed therapist can help you address your emotional needs and work through your financial issues. 

Therapy is important, but to some, it may feel inaccessible due to costs. GoodTherapy’s cost resource helps you estimate how you can work therapy into your budget depending on factors like insurance, appointment regularity, and more. GoodTherapy makes it easy to find an in-network professional who works for you.

Plus, there are many options for federal funding opportunities that can ease your financial burden for therapy. For many federal funding options, therapy can be free or low-cost, but it depends on insurance, the specific program, location, and your eligibility. For example, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides substance use and mental health services to people in need. Its Community Mental Health Services Block Grant (MHBG) provides funding to all U.S. states to provide community mental health services. 

In truth, when it comes to economic stability, prioritizing your mental health is an important part of the puzzle. Managing stress requires a compassionate approach, and now is the perfect time to care for yourself so you can care for your money.

Read More: Ready to Get Support? Find a Therapist 

Resources:

Most Americans Are Significantly Stressed About Money — Here’s How it Varies by Demographic

Financial Stress: What Causes It and How to Cope

Understanding the Mental-Financial Health Connection

7 Ways to Manage Stress During Trying Times

How Social Media Affects Our Financial Health – The Good, Bad and Ugly

SAMSHA: Grants

SAMSHA: Community Mental Health Services Block Grant