Rejection is dangerous. A broken heart is similar to a broken arm. The pain of social rejection often leads to an avalanche of emotional and cognitive consequences, but mindfulness can be an efficient healer.

I originally wrote these meditations for a work-related event with the day’s theme as “Be Present.” In the 72 hours before the event, I experienced an intense and unexpected sequence of social rejection from individuals who overlap in my personal and professional circles.

As I sent a clear and honest email about my feelings and boundaries the morning before my presentation for work, I said to myself, “The last thing I want to do is be present for pain.” I was quickly reassured by the prospect that perhaps this was the exact dose of medicine I needed.

We are social animals, hardwired for connection, belonging, and acceptance—needs that originate from our ancestral tribal roots. Personally and professionally, I’ve struggled with rejection, especially these past 3 years. And particularly as a woman with a sexual trauma history and an abusive childhood, this political climate is toxic to me.

This social rejection and attack on my person on a federal level is compounded by more usual, daily forms of rejection that never used to bother me, ones I didn’t even notice as forms of rejection: delayed answers to texts, the lack of recognition at work, the lack of likes on an Instagram photo, my husband leading with asking me if I can pick up some toilet paper before, if at all, asking me how my day went.

All this to say: When isolated moments of more intense rejection strike, such as the one before my work-related meditation workshop, I learned the degree to which I overlook assessing for rejection in my work as a therapist and the degree to which I’ve become normalized to it.

Coping with the Rejections of Daily Life

Ironically, I’m writing this article about rejection without the guarantee it will be accepted. I accept rejection is a part of the human condition, but over time and without care, rejection can erode motivation, self-esteem, and courage. I do know that when I feel rejection, mindfulness meditation is one evidenced-based coping strategy that works for me.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between mindfulness and brain chemistry.

Science supports the relationship between rejection and brain chemistry, just as science supports the relationship between mindfulness and brain chemistry.

According to licensed psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, “Rejection piggybacks on physical pain pathways in the brain. fMRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.”

He reports that rejection affects our intelligence, reason, and self-esteem. But mindfulness makes us less sensitive to feel rejection for its effective use in emotional regulation, because mindfulness allows individuals to focus on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings and thoughts.

Two Meditations to Help Heal the Pain of Rejection

Dr. Alexandra Martelli, the lead author of a study recently published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, found a correlation between mindfulness and reduced social distress in fMRI imaging, as researchers found there was less activation in the region of the brain associated with the inhibitory regulation of both physical and social forms of pain. I offer below two meditations that I wrote that can apply to healing the pain of rejection.

To Gain Perspective: Limited One Minute Metta Meditation

Take one deep inhale, filling your abdomen with air. Slowly exhale. Repeat two times. Repeat to yourself three times: “Like clouds, this will pass.” Take one deep inhale, filling your abdomen with air. Slowly exhale. Repeat two times.

To Be Present and Focused on the Self: Guided Metta Meditation with Visualizations 

Metta: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.”

Allow your eyes to close if you are comfortable doing so. You can take a moment here to make any adjustments to your posture that you need to make to be comfortable. Begin this exercise by making yourself feel comfortable. There is no wrong way to sit, to breathe, to be. There’s no wrong way to do this. You are here now, as yourself, in this room.

Take this time to experience a few, deliberate inhales and exhales at a pace that feels comfortable for you. As you inhale, fill your abdomen with air like you are filling a balloon. Slowly exhale. Continue breathing like this. Leave a few moments of silence.

You might imagine yourself like a snow globe that has been shaken up. Imagine that you set the snow globe down and you watch as all the little snowflakes and sparkles come to rest on the bottom. Letting everything in your body settle down and rest. Continue to experience a few, deliberate inhales and exhales at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Leave a few moments of silence.

Now, start to bring to mind your desire for clarity, calm, and healing. You might even reflect on a time when you felt particularly focused, productive, attractive, connected, confident, or accomplished. Leave a few moments of silence.

Using this intention or memory, you can start to repeat some phrases to yourself. In your mind, you can say to yourself: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.” Whenever the mind wanders, just come back to these phrases. Leave a few moments of silence.

If your mind is wandering, come back to these phrases of goodwill for yourself: “I am present. I am ready. I am able. I am worthy.” Leave a few moments of silence.

Throughout your day, you can come back to your breathing or to these phrases whenever you need them. Try to maintain some of this goodwill you have cultivated for yourself. When you are ready, you can open your eyes.

References:

1. Ireland, T. (2014, June 12). What does mindfulness meditation do to your brain?. Scientific American. Retrieved from https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/what-does-mindfulness-meditation-do-to-your-brain
2. McNelll, B. (2018, June 14). Social rejection is painful and can lead to violence: A new study suggests that mindfulness may be a solution. Virginia Commonwealth University News. Retrieved from https://news.vcu.edu/article/Social_rejection_is_painful_and_can_lead_to_violence_A_new_study

In my work with people who are facing things like stress, anxiety, or trauma, I often talk about the importance of making time for relaxation and self-care. Relaxation techniques, mindfulness, and meditation are some of the buzzwords that encompass practices that involve slowing down the mind and body.

These practices can be extremely effective. They not only provide a sense of calm, they can also create positive effects on the nervous system. They may even lead to noted physiological improvements, such as slowed breathing and decreased heart rate and blood pressure. These techniques are some of the best ways to improve physical and mental health. Even better? They typically have no negative side effects.

I teach various forms of relaxation multiple times a week, to many of the people I work with in my office. I recently became aware of how I had personally strayed from practicing what I preached. When I was pregnant with my first child, I made a conscious effort to embrace meditation. I was fully aware that the fetus experiences everything the mom feels. I also believed that a calm mom created a healthy, calm baby. But several years (and two more babies) later, I’m finding I rarely make time to utilize the tools I so often teach to others.

The Challenges of Relaxation

While I do use various relaxation techniques at night if I’m having a hard time falling asleep or when I’m aware I feel excessively stressed, I’ve gotten away from using meditation as a regular practice. I fully admit it’s often difficult to find the time.  [fat_widget_right]

Our society and age of technology can make this even more challenging. I realized this last week as I was sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting to be called back for my appointment. I passed time aimlessly looking things up on my iPhone. I checked my text messages, then my emails. Checked my Instagram feed, then my Facebook feed. Went back to check my emails again. There was nothing new, so I checked my text messages again. I checked my Google analytics app just for the heck of it. Then I checked my email again. “Oh! Somebody on SoundCloud liked the guided meditation I uploaded.”

This made me pause. I had recorded a guided meditation for the people I worked with to use at home. I urged each of them to make mindfulness a part of their routine. “Find a few moments every day to pause and slow down your mind and body,” I had suggested. But here I was, during the one moment in my day that involved simply sitting in silence. What was I doing? Frantically going back and forth between apps in order to kill time.

I stopped and checked in with myself, mentally asking how I felt in that moment. I realized I was anxious. Not about the appointment, but anxious and annoyed that things weren’t moving fast enough. I wanted to get the appointment done and get on with my day. I wanted to tackle some of the things on my ever-growing to-do list. I couldn’t do that while waiting, but by staring at my phone I was wasting a valuable opportunity to pause and allow myself a “reset.”

I know that pausing and slowing down can help create a sense of calm. I also know that from a place of calm, I’m always better and more effective at managing stress and upcoming tasks. But I often get so swept up in the busyness of life that I forget to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.

When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives.

I wondered why it was so hard for me to just sit in silence for a few moments. Balancing family and work schedules leaves little time for sitting quietly. So why was I not embracing this rare opportunity to enjoy a period of time where I had nothing to do besides sit and wait? Why did I feel the need to keep checking my email and going back and forth between apps? I wasn’t expecting anything important. I had just gotten caught up in the fast pace of life and the pressure to constantly juggle everything on my plate. In doing so, I neglected the chance to just be still.

When our lives become so busy and chaotic, we often forget to slow down. Some people have a difficult time being alone with themselves. Either their thoughts are filled with negative, anxious, or self-deprecating self-talk they would rather avoid, or they have become so disconnected from their sense of identity that they aren’t sure how to handle idle time alone.

Neither of these are true for me. In fact, I relish time alone. Nonetheless, the more chaotic, busy, and full my life becomes, the more difficult remembering to slow down seems to be.

Making Time to Slow Down

When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives. This can sometimes pose problems. An important point I teach about relaxation techniques is how vital it is to practice these tools on a regular, ongoing basis. It’s important to make them a part of your daily routine and use them often instead of just calling on them during moments of chaos.

This is especially true when you are first learning to embrace mindfulness and meditation and incorporate them into your life. Relying on relaxation tools only during moments of stress may help you to better cope in the moment. But utilizing them on a regular basis will help you operate from a place that is more grounded and stable. This can allow you to mitigate some of the stress that might otherwise become overwhelming.

Try this simple exercise:

Get into a comfortable position and try to relax. Release as much tension from your body as possible. Take a few deep breaths in … and out. Imagine your body is like a big, stable, old oak tree. Imagine yourself being strong and steady, even amid strong winds and stormy weather. Close your eyes and visualize this as you continue to breathe in and out deeply.

Imagine roots at the base of your spine, traveling down through anything below you and deep into the earth. Visualize these roots planted firmly into the ground. Imagine that any negative emotions or stressors can travel out of you, through these roots, and back into the earth where they can be released and recycled.

After you’ve finished embracing this visualization, check in with yourself to see how you are feeling. Notice if you experience any shifts in your emotions or changes in sensations in your body. Hopefully this exercise helps you to establish a better sense of calm. If so, congratulate yourself for successfully using a mindfulness tool. Know you can use this simple meditation anywhere, at any time, in order to feel more stable and secure.

If you found the visualization difficult, keep practicing. There are books, CDs, websites, YouTube videos, and more out there to help you embrace the practice of meditation. If you find the idea of meditating uncomfortable, that’s okay. My original thoughts on meditation years ago were a bit cynical. I believed it sounded hokey, crazy, or foreign. I imagined elderly monks in faraway places sitting perfectly still, eyes closed, for hours on end, depriving themselves of the ability to scratch an itch, not even allowing themselves to eat. I thought meditation meant blanking out your brain and not allowing a single thought to pass though your mind. This, I found impossible.

I’ve since discovered meditation really just means slowing down, developing more awareness, and taking time to be more mindful and present. There are many different techniques and ways to do this. One book I like is Learn to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Self-Discovery and Fulfillment, which offers many techniques for practicing mindfulness. Find what works for you. [amazon_affiliate]

It doesn’t take hours, and it doesn’t need to be difficult. You just need to find a few short moments to regularly and consciously slow down, become more self-aware, and allow your mind to take a break from everything you are juggling. If you aren’t sure how to begin, I encourage you to reach out for help. A compassionate therapist or counselor can offer guidance and support as you explore meditation and mindfulness practices.

Reference:

Fontana, D. (1999). Learn to meditate: A practical guide to self-discovery and fulfillment. San Francisco, CA: Chronicle Books.

We’ve probably all had this experience: Life is rippling along like a sweet summer brook, and then a sudden storm of change shows up and disrupts the serenity. Old enemies we think we’ve defeated—fear and insecurity, for example—return, throwing us off kilter. Our minds frantically try to find a solution to “fix” the issue, the challenge, the perceived problem, adding to our internal chaos.

How do we stay calm, cool, and collected when we find the world around us has become chaotic and out of control? How do we learn to stare down any situation with inner peace and an ability to remain tranquil?

Build an Inner Sanctuary

One of the first things we can do when attempting to navigate a bumpy crossroads is build an inner place of peace. Taking time to cultivate a practice of quiet breathing and sitting still for long enough to feel a sense of sacred space within can offer significant benefit in times of turmoil and stress. Our subtle energies are just as essential to our well-being as activities such as eating, sleeping, and exercising are. [fat_widget_right]

Modern society often yanks at our attention, conning us into thinking it’s critical to answer emails or respond to social media posts and messages immediately and that these activities would serve us better than shutting our devices down and making time to go within ourselves. However, taking a break from mental and physical demands for even 15 to 20 minutes a day can help re-establish a sense of internal balance, renewing our relationship with ourselves and helping us reconnect. We make sure to spend time with our loved ones, so why do we neglect developing a relationship with ourselves?

Let Go of Judgment

Instead of judging ourselves and our emotions, we can work to accept them by recognizing them for what they are instead of viewing them as the sum of us. We are not the valleys and peaks, but the steady soil that lies underneath, supporting each shift in the topography.

We make sure to spend time with our loved ones, so why do we neglect developing a relationship with ourselves?

When we stop condemning ourselves and begin to understand we are loved and supported by the universe, fear often subsides, allowing us to keep a clear mind and make decisions both healthy and in our best interest. Living in a constant state of emotional mayhem is exhausting and can contribute to the confusion we are often more likely to experience during difficult times in our lives.

Examine emotions directly, then step back and take a moment to breathe and settle in before succumbing to anger or fear. It’s not that we should never feel these emotions, but rather that we must learn to respond to them differently. Letting go of judgment helps us become more of a witness to an experience than an active participant in the drama of challenging events.

Be Aware of Thoughts to Create Change

We might feel we have no control over our thinking but in actuality, we do. Even those diagnosed with an obsessive-compulsive disorder can often learn, with positive behavior modification and therapy, to embrace thought patterns and harness healthy thinking. By loving ourselves and letting go of the inner critic, we can learn to sweep away the stories that keep us feeling powerless.

How do we do this? How do we change our thoughts? It’s possible by being aware of them, realizing many of them stem from fear and insecurity, and replacing these feelings with understanding, kindness, or love. Remember Henny Penny, the chicken who ran around screaming, “The sky is falling” when in reality it wasn’t? When we choose to focus on the here and now, instead of fearing what may be, we are likely to feel re-rooted in what is real, not what is projected.

The only person or thing we can control is our own self. We are not able to stop a jealous sister or brother or friend from snarling at us, but we can choose to not respond or to calmly have a discussion with them. When a car cuts us off on the freeway or a stranger hurls a sarcastic remark at us, we can practice loving-kindness to maintain a calm interior and avoid engaging in the same behavior.

Acceptance does not come naturally to most of us. It takes practice. However, it can be learned and, if implemented, is likely to become a beneficial habit. If we let others govern our thoughts and choices, we will be pulled and splintered. Realizing no one can push us off balance without our permission helps us understand the only way we can “fix” a situation is by accepting it.

That does not mean we have to put up with abusive behavior, it simply means we understand it is the person who is abusive, not us, who has the problem. Acceptance stops us from being judgmental over incidentals and things we have no control over—bad weather, inconveniences, a disgruntled person. We can choose to be happy and uplifting despite rain, a missed bus, or grumpy behavior.

Life is dynamic and ever-changing. Events both good and bad are likely to hurtle toward us without a moment’s notice. We may be sailing smoothly along when suddenly we are thrown into a hurricane of sick loved ones, personal illness, financial troubles, and so on. But when we realize we can build a sacred space within and find safe harbor from which to watch the storm pass, we may be able to find peace and harmony, no matter the circumstances.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” —Dalai Lama

Tonglen is the Buddhist practice of giving and taking. More specifically, this practice involves taking in another’s pain as you inhale and exhaling your happiness to them. Since it is not actually possibly to physically take someone’s discomfort and supplant it with your joy, this is an energetic and symbolic practice. Simultaneously, the practice of Tonglen fosters compassion for the self as a human who will experience what the Buddha called “life’s 10,000 joys and sorrows.”

Not only does this practice cultivate compassion, it also provides a reminder that, whether or not we see it, people deal with difficulty, pain, and hardship every day. Thus, it helps counter self-absorption by encouraging you to shift your focus to the challenges other people face.

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When I first encountered Tonglen, and its instructions to breathe in the suffering of the world, I thought, “Are you kidding? As a psychotherapist, the last thing I need to do is to invite more pain into my life.” Of course, I was wrong. But I didn’t realize this until after I read Pema Chodron’s Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change. It was from this book that I learned a way of practicing Tonglen that did not bring me down but rather, gave me a sense of deep connection with others, increased my compassion, and paradoxically, calmed my body-mind. [amazon_affiliate]

How Is Tonglen Practiced?

Chodron suggests you first make an effort to notice when you are feeling something disturbing, such as anxiety, depression, grief, anger, physical pain, or anything that feels bad. Next, remember this: there are probably millions of other people feeling exactly what you are, dealing with similar challenges, and having to cope with them similarly. With this realization held in your mind, imagine you are first inhaling compassion for yourself and these others and then exhaling loving, healing energy to yourself and to them.

This is not a Western practice, and at first it may feel awkward or forced. But as you keep at it, it will connect you to those others who are also facing life’s issues or transitions. In other words, everyone. Ever hear the joke about the Buddhist asking the hot dog vendor to “Make me one with everything”? Similarly, this practice can actually make you feel that indefinable oneness. No one is singling you out for misery. Everyone has joys and sorrows.

By purposefully connecting with others you can not only get in touch with your shared humanity, you can bring a sense of connection and compassion into your everyday dealings. You can remember to use Tonglen when someone cuts you off on the road, when the grocery store clerk puts your eggs in the bottom of the bag, when friends disappoint you, or when family feels demanding. You understand and remember what it is like to have a bad day, to receive bad news, or to just feel cranky for no reason at all.

Another practice I find especially helpful is called Just Like Me, though it is also known as commonalities practice. When you are faced with someone whose behavior really tests your patience and understanding, you say, “Just like me.” No one is singling you out for misery. Everyone has joys and sorrows.

• Step 1: “Just like me, this person seeks happiness.”
• Step 2: “Just like me, this person tries to avoid suffering.”
• Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, pain, loneliness and despair.”
• Step 4: “Just like me, this person seeks fulfillment.”
• Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.

I also like to add a Step 6: “Just like me, this person can get triggered, upset, angry, unreasonable, impatient, intolerant, or anything else I like to forget I’m capable of.

Finally, I also find it useful to think of everyone who crosses my path as a five-year-old child who is carrying a heavy backpack full of hurt and unresolved feelings. While this may not be the case in most encounters, it certainly helps me cultivate kindness for people I might find challenging.

I encourage you to choose whichever one of these practices appeals to you most and try it out every day for a month. You can try this in meditation or in the moment as challenging situations arise. Either way, I think you’ll be happily surprised by the way what looks like kindness to others actually helps promote gentleness within your own self.

Reference:

Chodron, P. (2013). Living beautifully with uncertainty and change. Boulder, CO: Shambhala

Western culture seems to be increasingly fascinated with the human brain. Emerging evidence in the field of interpersonal neurobiology links physiological processes of the brain with mindfulness and psychotherapy, and most of our efforts to understand illness, disease, creativity, innovation, attention and cognitive ability have long focused on the three pounds of flesh harnessed within our skulls.

The brain is only a small percentage of our body weight, but approximately 20% of our energy is required for its operation. Its three main parts, sometimes referred to as the “triune brain,” consist of the brain stem, the limbic system, and the prefrontal cortex. These parts, which evolved in that order, can be thought of as having “stacked up” over millions of years.

The Brain Stem and Limbic System

The brain stem, which is considered the foundation of the brain, travels up the spinal cord and connects to the brain. Because this initial part of the brain operates the basic systems of the body common to most lower-order animals, it is often called the reptilian brain. Processes of the brain stem include the functions most newborns are capable of: they can regulate the body’s temperature, experience pain, digest food, and monitor their breathing as well as heart rate and blood pressure. Babies do not have to think about these processes since they are automated by this lower order aspect of the brain.

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The brain stem is connected within the subcortical limbic system.  The limbic system can be considered a sort of “center house” for our emotional experiences, a registry for the things in life we move toward or away from. Also known as the mammalian brain, this aspect of the brain is contained within the middle part of the structure and is more evolved than the reptilian brain. The connection between the brain stem and the limbic system is what gives rise to the commonly understood defense mechanisms of fight, flight, or freeze.

The structure largely responsible for reactions to stimuli in our environment is the amygdala, a small, almond-shaped structure in the limbic system. This “smoke detector” of the brain determines whether a sound, image, or body sensation is perceived as a threat or is relevant to survival and activates the body’s stress response, or not, accordingly. When a noise that sounds like gunshot is heard, for example, then the body’s amygdala turns on, releasing stress hormones and nerve impulses to raise blood pressure, oxygen intake, and heart rate in order to prepare the body for fight or flight. An adverse noise can lead to a startle response, or goosebumps, perspiration, and the hair on the back of the neck standing up. The body responds in this way whether we actively think about these things or not.

The Prefrontal Cortex

What separates us, in a number of ways, from other animals is the prefrontal cortex, the so-called “human” brain. This structure lies just behind the forehead and is part of the larger neocortex that envelops the limbic system and contains all the other parts of the brain. Its overlap with the limbic system allows for an interplay between these systems and allows us to regulate our emotional responses.

When we hear a loud noise that could have been a gunshot, we startle, but the higher order processing of the prefrontal cortex allows us to reflect on the stimuli in our environment. After reflection, we might realize the sound was actually a car backfiring or a door slamming and regain a sense of calm. There is a dance of sorts that occurs between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system. In general, the prefrontal cortex functions to regulate the body by balancing emotion, moderating fear, and granting us the ability to gain insight as well as a deeper understanding of morality, intuition and empathy.

Think back to a time when you were distracted, perhaps with your phone or by a child or partner, while grocery shopping. Executive functioning (discernment of the shopping aisles) becomes increasingly taxing when we are also engaged in a conversation. Our attention is split, and this can overload our working memory. When this occurs, the emotional part of the brain is left unchecked. Sometimes we leave the store and realize our shopping bags are filled with snacks and impulse purchases, not the items we had planned to buy. This occurs in part because shutting down the resources of the prefrontal cortex (talking on the phone) gives full autonomy to the emotional center of the brain, a non-conceptual framework focused on stimuli that grab our attention.

The Triune Brain in Relation to Mental Health

The three aspects of the brain can easily be associated with mental health treatment, psychotherapy, and mindfulness practice.

Individuals who have experienced traumatic events in their lives often have a limbic system (specifically the amygdala) that is overactive, in part because they can become fixated on flashbacks and memories associated with what happened. The ability to regulate and discern safety in their environment becomes challenging, to say the least, and the result of this is often a chronically activated stress response. The ability to name the emotion that coincides with an experience has been shown to decrease this amygdala firing, and psychotherapy, thus, often focuses on developing awareness of emotions within certain contexts in order to gain a wiser understanding of the reasons behind our typical reactions.

Engaging the prefrontal cortex to understand emotional habits and sequences is the essence of most psychotherapy. This top-down approach often has the effect of allowing us to connect with another person we trust and feel safe with. This modulation and intimacy that occurs in the context of a therapeutic relationship gives us the opportunity to comprehend what is going on internally while also helping us learn how to process those memories from our past we might rather avoid. The bottom-up approach to regulating experience happens by constantly returning to what we are doing in the here and now. The constant acceptance of “just this,” without any added judgment of whether we like or dislike what is happening, creates a kind of biological equanimity.

A path increasingly being traveled in contemporary societies is the disruption of symptoms via biological approaches. Pharmaceuticals have burgeoned as a method of altering psychological experiences in the West. Psychotropic medications such as Abilify have the effect of shutting down inappropriate alarm reactions, potentially changing the way the brain organizes information in the short term. The dampening effect of such drugs can provide a temporary solution to hyperactivity or dysregulation, but many find that using these medications prevents them from mastering their emotional responses and learning to self-regulate.

Developing the ‘Human’ Brain

Research suggests one way to exercise and strengthen the human part of the brain is to simply pay attention to the processes automated in our body. Recall the brain stem: it is essentially responsible for our breathing, so we don’t have to remember to breathe in the same way that we might try to remember to use the bathroom before going to a movie, for example.

The bottom-up approach to regulating experience happens by constantly returning to what we are doing in the here and now. The constant acceptance of “just this,” without any added judgment of whether we like or dislike what is happening, creates a kind of biological equanimity. The amygdala is less likely to sound its alarm as the prefrontal cortex becomes a better moderating feature.

Many studies have shown meditation practices create more of an approach orientation for individuals. We become less likely to avoid things and more stable within the storms of everyday life. This is not to say we will stop experiencing emotions and feelings. On the contrary, our senses are often heightened and deepened, and we are able to recover and navigate these moments in a more pointed and skillful way. Bessel van der Kolk notes in his book The Body Keeps the Score that for trauma survivors, a bottom-up approach allows “the body to have experiences that deeply and viscerally contradict the helplessness, rage, or collapse that result from trauma.”

We can use cognition to orient our attention to our experiences and discern how our actions have affected others, but for some, the prefrontal cortex, and the ability for self-reflection granted by it, is both an advantage and a disadvantage. We are able to dredge up the past and ruminate on our anticipated future, but with this comes comprehension of the temporary nature of our circumstances. In other words, we realize our own mortality: we know we will someday die.

Psychotherapy and mindfulness practices, then, merge as bottom-up processes for emotion regulation. Both are methods we can use to begin to recondition a habit or pattern of turning away from what is happening. An acceptance of the temporary nature of our circumstances and an increased focus on compassion, both for ourselves and others, are often direct consequences.

References: 

1. Briere, J. N., & and Scott, C. (2013) Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
2. Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. New York: W.W. Norton & Company
3. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York, NY: Penguin Books.

Self-guided positive visualization techniques can combat negative thoughts, potentially changing the way the brain functions, according to a study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience. Sensory memories, including images, of negative events figure prominently in conditions such as posttraumatic stress. Negative emotions accompanied by images may also feel more troubling than those not accompanied by such images, pointing to a role for imagery in mood.

Previous research has shown guided imagery can improve mental health, but little research has been done on the effects of self-guided imagery techniques.

Effects of Self-Guided Visualization on Mental Health

The study included 24 female and six male volunteers ages 20-55 years old, with an average age of 35. Each underwent a psychological assessment at the beginning of the study. Participants did not take any medications and had no formal mental health diagnoses, though some had subclinical depression symptoms. None of the participants had any experience in meditation or mindfulness techniques.

[fat_widget_right]The study began with a two-day seminar that included group training and at-home practice in guided imagery techniques. The techniques were designed to help participants manage previous trauma, achieve goals, improve social interactions, and support daily mental health. For example, to aid with goal achievement, a participant might visualize the detailed steps of the goal, followed by imagery of achieving the goal.

Participants continued home training in the techniques for 12 weeks and then participated in another two-day seminar. Researchers performed psychological assessments and electroencephalogram (EEG) brain scans at the end of the study.

Results of Self-Guided Positive Imagery

After mastering the visualization techniques, participants had fewer depression symptoms and better overall mental health. EEG data showed significant changes in the brain’s right medial prefrontal cortex. This brain region is linked to life satisfaction and visualizing positive emotions. Participants’ brains also showed increased connectivity in the temporal lobe of both brain hemispheres. This suggests the neurotransmitter gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) might have increased. GABA is linked to reductions in anxiety and depression.

The study’s authors say further research is likely to focus on how self-guided positive imagery affects cognitive function in healthy people. For those with mild depression symptoms, this approach could be beneficial.

References:

1. Teach yourself everyday happiness with imagery training. (2017, February 24). Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/02/170224111813.htm
2. Velikova, S., Sjaaheim, H., & Nordtug, B. (2017). Can the psycho-emotional state be optimized by regular use of positive imagery?, Psychological and electroencephalographic study of self-guided training. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 10. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2016.00664

What do you think of when you hear the word “meditation”?

Perhaps you imagine a Tibetan monk tucked away in silence in a centuries-old monastery. Maybe you envision a crystal-wielding flower child having a psychedelic experience in a Volkswagen van. Or perhaps you think of meditation as something people with incredible self-control and a very long attention span can do, but not you.

Contrary to what many people believe, having a mindfulness meditation practice is not just for the most spiritual, disciplined, or mentally focused among us. It doesn’t require a magical (some might say impossible) ability to clear your mind and keep it that way for hours on end. You don’t need to be a master yogi or even own a yoga mat. Mindfulness is not just for others—it’s for me, and it’s for you, too!

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What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness, in its most basic form, is simply the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. Researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, takes this definition a step further, helping us understand what it means to be conscious or aware of something. He defines mindfulness as the “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally.” When we notice what is happening within ourselves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—at any given moment without trying to judge it or change it, we are practicing mindfulness.

Although mindfulness is a broad concept that refers generally to ways of being aware in the present moment, meditation is how we describe one specific type of mindfulness practice. Meditation involves turning your attention inward for a set period of time, typically focusing specifically on a certain theme or noticing your own physical or mental experiences. For instance, two common meditations involve noticing your breathing or mindfully scanning your body and becoming aware of any physical sensations you have. Meditation is often time-limited, with a planned beginning and end point.

The Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation

The benefits of a mindfulness meditation practice are numerous and well-documented. Research shows that practicing mindfulness can improve a person’s general sense of well-being and life satisfaction, helping people to cherish each present moment and weather the storms of life. Practicing mindfulness meditation is connected to reported improvements in physical health as well, and may help people sleep more restfully, decrease stress, relieve gastrointestinal concerns, reduce experiences of chronic pain, and lower blood pressure. Mindfulness has become an important cornerstone in the treatment of many mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsion, posttraumatic stress, and others.

It doesn’t take much time to potentially see improvements from meditating. Studies have shown that people can benefit from as little as 10 minutes a day of meditation. Another study pinpointed 12 minutes as the “magic” number to see desired results. By devoting just 10 to 12 minutes a day to a mindfulness meditation practice, research suggests you can change your life for the better.

How to Get Started with a Mindfulness Meditation

To get started in developing a daily mindfulness meditation practice, first try the foundational meditation of noticing your breathing. As you relax your body into a comfortable posture, begin to turn your focus inward and notice your breath, whether in your nose, throat, chest, or stomach. Don’t try to change your breathing in any way; allow it to come and go naturally and without judgment. Allow yourself to give your full attention to your breath as you experience it in your body.

One of the biggest misconceptions about mindfulness meditation is that the point is to focus your mind without any internal interruption or distraction. This is not a reasonable expectation, as it is the nature of the human mind to wander.

From time to time, you may notice your mind wandering to some other thought or feeling. This is normal. Take a moment to simply notice where your attention has wandered. After a moment, gently escort your attention and awareness back to your breath. Continue focusing on your breath and gently bringing your awareness back to your breath for several minutes.

One of the biggest misconceptions about mindfulness meditation is that the point is to focus your mind without any internal interruption or distraction. This is not a reasonable expectation, as it is the nature of the human mind to wander. One of the primary purposes of this activity is to practice gently escorting your attention back to your breath. You aren’t doing it wrong if your mind happens to wander; you are succeeding by noticing your mind has wandered and then bringing your attention back to your breath as many times as necessary. This builds the “muscles” of your attention span in the same way lifting weights builds the muscles of your body.

The most difficult step in many journeys is often the first. Using this or one of the many other meditation resources available, take your first step toward a daily mindfulness meditation practice today. Who knows? You may discover that 12 minutes a day really can change your life.

References:

1. Hurley, D. (2014, January 14). Breathing in vs. spacing out. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/magazine/breathing-in-vs-spacing-out.html
2. Kabat-Zinn, J. (2016, January 11). Jon Kabat-Zinn: Defining mindfulness. Retrieved from http://www.mindful.org/jon-kabat-zinn-defining-mindfulness

Stress has a way of upending our lives—it can cause tension in our relationships, anxiety in our thoughts, and tightness in our bodies. You may have a self-care practice in place, or yours may need some shoring up.

Either way, mindful music listening can be a wonderful way to reduce your stress and reconnect with your body and breath. Mindfulness—the practice of being in the present moment—can be practiced at any time and anywhere. I often use mindfulness exercises with people in therapy as a way to tune into their body, breath, and mind. Mindfulness is not about having an empty mind, but simply noticing whatever is there, thoughts and all.

However, if you find mindfulness challenging (or haven’t tried it!), the addition of music can help you stay focused, while simultaneously helping you to connect with music as a source of strength and creative energy. Music can be a powerful way to experience the present moment.

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Take a moment to think about the music in your life. Do you listen to music regularly? Is it live music? Recorded music? What kind of music moves you? Helps you relax? Energizes you? Do you play an instrument or sing? What music do you hear around you (perhaps music your kids or partner listen to)?

Now think about your relationship with music for a moment. Is it a source of frustration or a joy? Do you feel disconnected from music sometimes? Does music soothe you when nothing else seems to work? Do you have a lot of music on your phone but never listen to it?

Whether you listen to music all the time or rarely, mindful music listening can help you slow down and be in the moment. Here’s how:

1. Choose a piece of music to listen to. I usually use instrumental pieces, as lyrics can add a whole extra layer, but it’s up to you. It can either be a familiar or unfamiliar piece (it’s interesting to repeat this exercise with the opposite of what you choose this time, just to notice if anything feels different).
2. Take a moment to breathe and ground yourself—no matter where you are, or what’s going on around you. Inhale gently through your nose, and exhale deeply through your open lips. Notice your body, and tune into how it feels, whether you’re standing, sitting, walking, or laying down. Just notice any physical structures your body is touching (the floor, the chair, or your shoes) as well as any physical sensations (tightness, tension) in your body.
3. Just listen. Use headphones or earbuds if that helps you focus or shut out external noise. Give yourself permission to only listen to the music, without simultaneously checking your email or refreshing your Facebook feed. If it helps, close your eyes (if that’s challenging, it’s likely because you really need the break!).
4. Notice. Let yourself be aware of anything you notice, without judgment or self-criticism. Notice the pace of the music, the sounds of the different instruments, or the shifts in volume. Notice if you’re more aware of a certain part of your body as you listen (i.e., “I often feel vibrations of cello music in my chest”). Notice any thoughts or feelings that come up—perhaps the music is connected to a memory, or perhaps an anxious thought is trying to pop through. Let any thoughts just pass through your awareness, and then gently bring yourself back to the sounds of the music.
5. Reflect. Take a moment to breathe and check in with your body, breath, and mind (see step 2). Does anything feel different? Do you notice any shifts after listening to the piece of music? Do you feel calmer? If the piece you chose didn’t feel like a good fit, what might you look for in another piece (i.e., slower, fewer instruments, louder)?

This short mindfulness experience can be a useful thing to practice daily, much like meditating. You might experiment with different types of music as a way to notice different responses. You may also find that repeating the same piece of music is a sort of touchstone, a way to continually reconnect to that place inside where gentle pausing and noticing can happen with ease.

I’d love to hear what piece of music you chose to listen to. Feel free to leave a comment below.

A new study is in the works to evaluate mindfulness meditation as a treatment for pain after undergoing back surgery. The experiment is still in the participant recruitment stage at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, so results will not be available for a couple of years. However, once completed, the study may lead to the development of new, safer approaches to treating back pain than traditional opioid medications.

Back surgery can cause severe pain that lasts for weeks or longer. Opioids have traditionally been prescribed to treat this issue, but they are widely acknowledged to have dangerous side effects and have fueled an addiction and overdose epidemic. Drug overdose has now surpassed car accidents as the leading cause of accidental death in the United States.

Much of the issue has been attributed to a lack of effective alternative treatments. Mindfulness meditation—deliberately focusing attention on the present moment—has been verified as an effective method for addressing many types of pain, so it is possible the effect could be applicable to post-surgical back pain.

Mindfulness Meditation as Pain Treatment

[fat_widget_right]The researchers were motivated to conduct this study after reading a 2011 Journal of Neuroscience article. In the experiment described in the article, 15 people were subjected to varying levels of pain via heated probes at two different points in time. In between these tests, they participated in four 20-minute sessions of meditation training (one session per day for four days). All sessions were conducted by a trained instructor with more than 10 years of related experience.

A comparison of MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) results from before and after mindfulness meditation training identified significant changes in several key brain areas along with reductions in the intensity of pain (40% less) and the unpleasantness of pain (57% less). The associated regions of the brain include those linked to high-level executive functioning, sensory processing, and contextual evaluations, suggesting the effectiveness of mindfulness meditation as a pain treatment is reliant upon multiple neural mechanisms.

Alternative Treatments for Pain

Even if the experiment is successful as far as identifying meditation as being helpful for patients with pain after back surgery, researchers do not expect the approach to be a replacement for modern narcotics. Instead, the goal would be to implement complementary strategies to help manage anxiety and stress after surgery and reduce the need for higher dosages and/or prescriptions for less severe situations.

There are no guarantees that a significant effect will be found at all. Some critics suggest patients may be unable to achieve the necessary focus for mindfulness mediation to be effective near the time of surgery. But with the mounting pressure on doctors to write less prescriptions for opioid painkillers, researchers are continuing to look into alternative treatments for pain.

References:

1. Ballantyne, J. C. (2015). Assessing the prevalence of opioid misuse, abuse, and addiction in chronic pain. Pain, 156(4), 567-568. doi:10.1097/j.pain.0000000000000105
2. Lagnado, L. (2016, September 19). Can meditation help pain after surgery? Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/can-meditation-help-pain-after-surgery-1474299114
3. Zeidan, F., Emerson, N. M., Farris, S. R., Ray, J. N., Jung, Y., Mchaffie, J. G., & Coghill, R. C. (2015). Mindfulness meditation-based pain relief employs different neural mechanisms than placebo and sham mindfulness meditation-induced analgesia. Journal of Neuroscience, 35(46), 15307-15325. doi:10.1523/jneurosci.2542-15.2015
4. Zeidan, F., Martucci, K. T., Kraft, R. A., Gordon, N. S., Mchaffie, J. G., & Coghill, R. C. (2011). Brain mechanisms supporting the modulation of pain by mindfulness meditation. Journal of Neuroscience, 31(14), 5540-5548. doi:10.1523/jneurosci.5791-10.2011

Productive and meaningful time management is a highly prized skill, but failing to make space in your day for unscheduled time may have a direct and negative effect on your sense of well-being. While many people seek therapy to master situation-specific goals, an overwhelming percentage struggle to let themselves relax and exist without actually doing anything. Without a basic ability to be comfortable being yourself, attaining states of further contentment and well-being through psychotherapy can be much more difficult. As the saying asks us to consider, is our inherent purpose to exist as human beings or human doings?

Our educational and work systems reward deadline-driven industriousness, and our society values people who work hard, meet goals, and build impressive résumés. With the invention of smartphones, digital calendars, GPS maps, and other technological tools, we have become increasingly able to accomplish more things faster than would have been imaginable a few decades ago. The lines between work and personal time blur more than ever as our attention to work email may extend throughout our waking hours and our families and friends distract our work or study periods with text or social media communication. And to what end? Societally, we seem conditioned to believe our worth is tied to using our time “wisely.” However we may define that, we seem to have lost our ability to value our space, solitude, and downtime. Ultimately, this is leading to individual and collective loss of the experience of feeling both content and human.

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In order to understand the remedy for this modern-day issue, it is important to first understand the cause of our discontent. I believe an unfortunate confluence of cultural beliefs and technological advances have come together to rob us of our ability to be present and in tune with ourselves, necessary components to feeling “okay.”

Our society tells us that we must be occupied to avoid “wasting time” such that people begin to believe their self-worth and goodness are tied to their productivity. Much to my surprise, I frequently hear people seeking therapy say they are unable to take time to be present with themselves, as there are “more important” uses of their time. Perhaps our societal belief that “time is money” has been taken far beyond its original meaning, making people captive to their activity. What’s more, as these habits of busyness and speediness take hold, people may become less able to stand being unoccupied and thus seek out momentary entertainment as a means of “killing time.” When was the last time you waited in a long line and didn’t consider reaching for your phone?

If we fill every moment with activity and distraction, we are missing some of the greatest gifts contained within time itself. In order to feel better about ourselves, we must be willing to just “be” rather than “do.”

Layered atop the societal value placed on productivity, pervasive technology and social media have made instantaneous and perpetual distraction easily available. The level of instant gratification that arises out of the momentary amusement has made these devices ever-present in waiting rooms, at dinner tables, and in bed. Every moment of life is filled, and there is no space to simply feel or “be.” In fact, our tolerance and willingness to feel alone, bored, or unproductive, even for short periods of time, is diminishing. This is particularly true for younger people who have never known a world without ubiquitous connectivity, and for whom connection to self and other often comes through screens rather than a felt sense of self experienced through being present in the physical world. Learning to be present with yourself may ultimately enhance genuine real-world connection with others that is mistakenly being sought through screen-based interaction.

The problem with these societal beliefs and our reliance on digital entertainment is that creativity is born out of boredom. Our sense of aliveness comes from being present with the life we live. If we fill every moment with activity and distraction, we are missing some of the greatest gifts contained within time itself. In order to feel better about ourselves, we must be willing to just “be” rather than “do.”

The antidote to busyness and speediness is to spend unscheduled time experiencing being yourself. You may pause and try being yourself while you are in nature, between tasks, or upon waking. I find that doing this exercise in the presence of trees or plants can be helpful, as they provide an excellent example of living entities that are doing nothing more than being fully what they are. If you are unable to easily access flora, any space in which you feel comfortable and able to relax and “be” will work.

In order to “be,” allow yourself to explore what it means to be present with yourself and your surroundings. Notice the thoughts that arise, including any cravings relating to wanting to do something. Allow yourself to be curious about feelings, including those of boredom and loneliness. What sensations do you notice? None of these thoughts, feelings, or sensations is a problem. None is right or wrong. They simply provide information about your state of being at that moment, and this knowledge informs your endeavor to fully be yourself.

Finally, see if it’s possible to be yourself without needing to do or be anything else—just exist as who and what you naturally are. While these directions may seem simple, they contain the essence of what it means to be alive, the cure to our modern state of existence, and ultimately the foundation for building a state of contentment.