Every January, you promise yourself this will be the year. You may think: This time, I’ll finally lose the weight, cut back on drinking, stop feeling so anxious, or fix that relationship I’ve been neglecting.

You may make it through January, but the failure rate for many New Year’s resolutions hovers around 80%. After a month or two into the new year, you might have given up on your goal and may be carrying the additional weight of disappointment and self-blame.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. More importantly, you may not be failing because you lack willpower or discipline. When you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year without lasting change, it may be time to consider a different possibility: how mental health is involved.

Why Do I Keep Failing at My New Year’s Resolutions?

If only 9% of Americans ultimately keep their resolutions, this means the vast majority of people struggle just like you do. But while fitness gurus and self-help books will tell you to set smarter goals, track your habits, or find an accountability partner, these strategies often miss a crucial truth: behavioral change is nearly impossible when underlying mental health conditions are working against you.

The Willpower Myth: Why “Just Try Harder” Doesn’t Work

For decades, we’ve been told that willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. But actually, the very belief that you just need more self-control may be setting you up for failure.

Success is often influenced by a combination of personality traits, environmental factors, and social contexts rather than willpower alone. In reality, when you’re battling anxiety, depression, undiagnosed ADHD, or trauma, your brain is working with fundamentally different resources.

How Mental Health Conditions Sabotage Your Goals

The resolutions you make year after year to lose weight, drink less, manage anxiety, and improve relationships aren’t random. They’re often symptoms of deeper struggles that haven’t been identified or addressed. Consider what other factors might be at play, and give yourself some newfound grace.

When Depression Derails Your Best Intentions

This year, you may plan to exercise more, eat better, or reconnect with friends. But anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues are common conditions that nearly 21 million adults in the U.S. deal with each year (as of 2021 data).

While it manifests differently from person to person, depression doesn’t just make you feel sad: it fundamentally alters your motivation, energy levels, and ability to experience pleasure. When you’re depressed, the activities that would help you feel better feel impossibly difficult.

ADHD: The Hidden Hurdle

Many adults struggle for years without realizing they have Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity (ADHD). They may just think they’re lazy, undisciplined, or fundamentally flawed. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation, and consistency, leading to self-sabotaging behavior like missed deadlines, emotional outbursts, or difficulty following routines.

Living with ADHD can make it difficult to reach your goals and find a routine that works. Your resolution to wake up earlier, stick to a budget, or stop procrastinating faces up against mental health factors that no amount of determination or “willpower” can overcome.

Anxiety and the Self-Sabotage Cycle

If you want to be less anxious this year, you might make resolutions to meditate, practice self-care, or “worry less.” But anxiety has a way of hijacking your best efforts, whether it’s related to politics, finances, relationships, the holidays, or more. These deep-rooted beliefs and thinking patterns can fuel all kinds of fears that can result in procrastination or avoidance. If left unchecked, this can lead to general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

Ironically, the very act of setting ambitious goals can trigger anxiety about failure, which confirms your worst fears about yourself. It’s a cycle that feels impossible to break on your own. Luckily, anxiety (and depression and ADHD) is a very treatable and common condition that doesn’t have to get in your way.

Depression, ADHD, and anxiety are not the only mental health issues that can make reaching your annual goals a challenge. Substance abuse challenges, trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and others might be at play. The first step, though, is doing some self-evaluation and talking to a licensed mental health professional.

What Does Self-Sabotage Really Look Like?

Getting in your own way isn’t always obvious, and it doesn’t always look like giving up. Knowing the below signs of self-sabotage can equip you with the tools to interrupt your harmful patterns and start reaching your goals:

Low self-esteem and unfounded beliefs about being deficient, not good enough, incapable, or unintelligent contribute to self-defeating behavior. These core beliefs fuel fears about performance and can cause procrastination or avoidance.

If you find yourself getting in your own way, remember: These patterns aren’t character flaws. They’re often learned responses to unmet emotional needs. Plus, they’re incredibly common among people with undiagnosed mental health conditions.

How Do I Know If I Need Professional Help?

If you’re reading this and wondering whether your resolution struggles signal something deeper, try asking yourself these questions:

Prioritizing your mental health needs doesn’t have to follow a significant or traumatic event in your life. It can be the natural next step if you notice the little things adding up and your resolutions getting harder and harder to achieve.

What Can Therapy Actually Do for My Resolutions?

Despite what some may think, therapy isn’t about having someone tell you to try harder or hold you accountable. It’s about uncovering and addressing the root causes that have been affecting your efforts all along. Finding emotional healing starts with a diagnosis, if applicable, exploring root causes, and building the skills to manage your needs.

Accurate Diagnosis Changes Everything

A thorough evaluation for a specific condition, or a few, might seem scary and overwhelming. But getting an accurate diagnosis gives you clarity. Suddenly, your struggles have a name and a framework. Whether you have ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, or another condition, early identification improves the effectiveness of treatment and improves your overall quality of life. You’re not broken or lazy: you’re dealing with a legitimate challenge that has real solutions.

Therapy Addresses the “Why,” Not Just the “What”

Resolutions and therapy may share the same end goal of bettering yourself, but they approach it in very different ways. Resolution-setting focuses on behavior: eat less, exercise more, save money. Therapy digs into why those behaviors have been so difficult to sustain.

A skilled therapist can help you:

You Learn Skills That Last Beyond January

Therapy is not meant to give you a one-time fix for a sticky situation or a script for handling one tough conversation. Therapy approaches are long-term treatments that can be very helpful in creating lasting change. Some common frameworks include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to name a few.

Making Therapy Your Resolution This Year

This year, instead of resolving to change your behavior through just more willpower and determination, consider making a different commitment: to understand yourself better and get the support you deserve.

When finding a therapist, look for someone who:

Seeking therapy is about acknowledging that you’ve been fighting an uphill battle with limited tools and wanting to make a change, not admitting defeat. With proper treatment, you can work towards genuine self-motivation.

Take the First Step Towards a Healthier You

Change takes time, and it doesn’t have to start with a sweeping life overhaul. It can start with one phone call, one appointment, one honest conversation about what you’ve been struggling with. Setting New Year’s resolutions already proves you have the desire to change, so now it’s time to get the support that makes change possible.

Find a therapist near you who can help you understand what’s been holding you back and build a path forward that actually works for your life and your unique circumstances.

As the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, many of us embrace the familiar mantra of “New Year, New Me.” It offers optimism, a fresh start, and the promise of transformation. It’s hard to avoid the flood of marketing campaigns that encourage us to buy the latest gym membership or the newest self-help book to kickstart a version of ourselves that we believe we can only achieve through these purchases. But before we get swept up in the hustle and bustle of New Year’s resolutions, it’s important to pause and reflect: is the “New Year, New Me” approach truly the most effective way to set and achieve meaningful goals?  

The Problem with “New Year, New Me” 

The allure of “New Year, New Me” is understandable. A fresh year symbolizes a clean slate, a chance to hit reset and leave behind our shortcomings from the previous year. Unfortunately, this mindset often creates a slew of problems, particularly when it comes to setting realistic, sustainable goals. 

For one, it encourages a mindset that is centered around quick fixes. Whether it’s a 30-day weight-loss challenge or strengthening your flexibility, the emphasis is placed on immediate results. But lasting change doesn’t happen overnight. Instead of cultivating habits that will serve us long-term, we often set ourselves up for failure with lofty, unrealistic expectations. After a few weeks of pushing hard to meet these unattainable goals, the motivation wanes, and we’re left feeling discouraged. Many of us return to the old ways, wondering why we couldn’t make that “New Me” stick. 

Another pitfall of this mindset is that it overlooks the importance of the process of change. The truth is, we don’t achieve our greatest potential by buying a new gym membership or indulging in the latest self-help fad. Personal growth, whether physical, mental, or emotional, comes from the lessons learned along the way—from the setbacks, the challenges, and the small victories that accumulate over time. This process requires patience and reflection. 

The Power of Small, Incremental Goals 

How can we approach goal-setting in a way that is both achievable and meaningful? The key is to break down our larger ambitions into smaller, more manageable steps. 

Instead of committing to a grueling daily workout routine, try focusing on a single goal, such as walking for 15 minutes a day. When you achieve these smaller goals, you gain confidence, and this encourages you to gradually take on bigger challenges. Over time, you will have a resilient foundation to achieve the next goal you have set for yourself. 

This principle of setting small, incremental goals is just as effective in other areas of life, such as career, personal development, or financial growth. If you want to save money, for example, start by saving just $50 a month and gradually increase the amount as you build the habit. 

Realistic, Measurable Metrics: The Key to Staying on Track 

To make your goals even more achievable, it’s crucial to set measurable metrics and realistic deadlines. Instead of vague goals like “I want to lose weight” or “I want to get healthier,” specify exactly what that looks like for you. For instance, “I will drink 8 glasses of water a day for the next 30 days.” These clear, specific benchmarks provide direction, and because they are measurable, you can easily track your progress along the way. 

Measurable goals show you the areas that need to be revisited.  This also prevents the individual who moves the goalpost as they achieve their goals. The ambitious person might feel they haven’t achieved enough; having a way to see all you’ve accomplished will put all your hard work into perspective. 

Embracing the Power of Slow and Steady 

One of the most important things to remember when setting goals is that slow and steady wins the race. Success rarely happens as a result of a massive, overnight transformation. Take time to reflect. What is working? What needs more support? Be curious about why things may be happening in a particular way. Real growth happens when we develop the skills needed to stick with small, sustainable changes over time. The tortoise may not win in a race against the hare, but in the long run, the steady, persistent pace leads to lasting results. 

In the context of “New Year, New Me,” this means understanding that self-improvement isn’t a quick fix but rather a gradual process. You don’t need to reinvent yourself in one go. The power lies in embracing the journey and taking one step at a time. 

The Importance of Encouragement and Support 

Finally, achieving success often requires more than just individual effort. It’s essential to have a support system that encourages and motivates you along the way. Whether it’s a friend who holds you accountable, a mentor who offers guidance, or an online community that shares similar aspirations, support can make a world of difference in helping you stay on track. 

At the same time, remember to be kind to yourself. Progress isn’t linear, and setbacks are a natural part of any growth journey. Celebrate each small victory and learn from the challenges. Instead of expecting perfection, focus on what went well and embrace the things that didn’t work. 

Conclusion 

The “New Year, New Me” mantra may sound appealing, but it often encourages unrealistic expectations and quick fixes that fail to bring about lasting change. By setting small, incremental, and realistic goals, we set ourselves up for success. Measuring our progress with specific, attainable metrics helps keep us motivated. Perhaps most importantly, we need encouragement and support from ourselves and from others along the way. 

So, this year, instead of chasing the elusive “New Me,” embrace the idea of a “Growing Me”—the person taking lessons and experiences from previous years to strengthen their chance at achieving success. 

 

It is that time of year when almost everyone is thinking about their goals for the new year. If you are not one of those people, you may be one who scoffs at those who do… You might assume that those who create goals are setting themselves up for failure. It is true that if goals are not formulated correctly, they can do more harm than good. 

 If you set goals that are unrealistic or overwhelming, goal setting can actually have a negative effect on your mental health. Unmet goals can cause depression because they leave you feeling incompetent, disappointed, and frustrated.  

 However, if you know how to set effective goals, you can greatly improve your overall mental health. Here are a few reasons, as well as some tips for developing goals that help you succeed: 

1) Gives you a dopamine boost 

 When you desire something and get it, your brain releases the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is often called the “feel good” chemical. So each time you accomplish something on a to-do list you chemically boost your mood.  

 You can increase the release of dopamine if you cross out what you have accomplished instead of erasing or deleting it. That way, each time you look at your list your brain is reminded that you set out to do something and did it, which releases more dopamine.  

 So, if you want this chemical to steadily be released to your brain, set small manageable steps to accomplish your goals, and then acknowledge and celebrate accomplishing each step. This will give you the motivation to keep completing each task item.  

 Reminding yourself of what you have accomplished in the past can give you confidence that you are also capable of achieving future goals. So as you set your goals for the new year, take some time to reflect on and celebrate what you accomplished in 2024.  

 * Pro tip: instead of keeping only to-do lists, keep lists of things that you’ve already accomplished, to remind yourself of how capable you are. 

 2) Gives you a greater sense of purpose and joy 

 Having goals can also give you a greater sense of purpose in your daily life, and your life overall, which also helps you enjoy life more. One of the main reasons people become depressed is because they are not clear on their purpose in life or even in the next month or year. One of the trademark traits of a depressed individual is feeling that life is meaningless or that they are unproductive. 

If you have a clear sense of the direction you want to go in the next week, month, or years, you will also feel a greater sense of peace, confidence, motivation, and joy in your everyday life. That way, even when you have a hard day you know that it is still worth it because it is part of your journey to getting where you want to be.  

First, you need to understand your “why”, or your overall purpose in life. Once you understand this, you can work backward to figure out yearly, monthly, and daily goals. Otherwise, you may end up working towards goals you later realize were not actually things that you greatly value.  

That is why even outwardly very “successful” people can become just as depressed as someone who has experienced a lot of failure in their life if they end up achieving something that was not actually very valuable or fulfilling for them. The important thing is not just to work hard, but to work hard for things that really matter to you. That is when effort becomes joyful and fulfilling.  

3) Helps you accomplish more 

You have likely heard Yogi Berra’s quote “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else”. This principle applies to more than just baseball. If you are not clear on what is important to you and where you are headed in life, you will probably be very unpleasantly surprised with where you end up.  

You have probably also heard the acronym SMART applied to goal setting. Effective goals will be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. It is not enough to just set goals. The more clear, specific, and realistic goals you have, the more likely you are to achieve them.  

So try setting some goals this New Year’s and notice how it makes you feel. If you end up overwhelmed, frustrated, or disappointed, you may need to re-work your goals to be more achievable. But if they are SMART goals you will most likely feel inspired, purposeful, and joyful as you head into 2025.  

The Power of Habits Part 1: How Habits Can Be Helpful

Ah, January. It’s the time of year when we’re more likely to think about habits. We all have habits, good or bad. Some of us might find ourselves biting our nails, smoking, doomscrolling, or drinking too much coffee. We might also have habits of sleeping well, engaging in a relaxing hobby, and exercising regularly.

When we hear the word habit, we may imagine something bad or negative that is a problem in our daily lives. Actually, though, the term “habit” is neutral, the act of forming habits in the brain is a natural process. and we can harness the power of habits to help us create the lives we want and shape the selves we want to grow into.

Gretchen Rubin, author of best-selling self-help books like The Happiness Project and Better Than Before, told Goop, “Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday existence.” So what exactly are we talking about when we talk about habits? 

What Is a Habit?

In simple terms, a habit is something that we do often and without much thought. It has become a part of our routine that we do without working very hard or thinking about it much – a habit basically skips the decision-making part of our brains. 

According to British educator Charlotte Mason, whose philosophy of education is known for its focus on habit-formation, “We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all. If it were not so — if we had to think, to deliberate, about each operation of the bath or the table — life would not be worth having; the perpetually repeated effort of decision would wear us out.” This is what we call decision-fatigue, and Mason is right – habits help us cut down on the number of decisions we’re making each day. The question, then, becomes whether the habits we have, that are bypassing that decision-making process, are the habits we really want.

Some habits are considered harmful because they do not contribute to our physical, emotional, or behavioral well-being. These are things that might be regarded as bad, like being late, not getting enough sleep, emotional drinking, or swearing in front of your 2-year-old nephew.

Good habits help us live healthier, happier, and more productive lives. Think of behaviors like brushing your teeth, connecting with your partner every day, and practicing mindfulness. These are considered good because they help us live healthy, peaceful lives both now and in the future.

Benefits of Good Habits

Self-Identity

Our habits help define who we are as individuals. Through them, we can establish ourselves in the world. One of the most encouraging things bout habits is that each one started with an individual choice. So, if you decide you want to be the kind of person who reads for pleasure 30 minutes each day, you can start to become such a person by choosing to do crack open a book and set a timer today. Engaging in healthy repetitive actions can help us learn to love ourselves and promote personal growth.

Reach Your Goals

Utilizing and implementing good habits can help us reach our goals. Sometimes, our goals are harder to reach because our poor habits prevent us from achieving them. By establishing good actions in place of bad ones, we can finally achieve our goals. (This is a key part of habit formation that we’ll explore later in this series.) 

Establish Consistency

Consistency is a critical component of good mental health. Establishing healthy repetitive actions throughout our life can help us establish a good and consistent routine. This consistency keeps us on a healthy track. By choosing which behaviors we want to turn into habits, we can essentially lay down the tracks we want the train of our lives to run on. (That’s a Charlotte Mason metaphor, actually.) 

Improve Quality of Life

With increased motivation and will to lean on what is good for us rather than what is bad for us, we get more out of life. Establishing good behaviors enables us to stray away from the things that hold us back and run towards what is good. 

Sew Life-Long Change

Life-long change can be hard to achieve. When we have destructive behaviors in our lives, changing them can feel impossible. But that’s not true. Establishing good habits is hard work, but it sews life-long change in our lives. By working hard to establish good routines, consistency, and repetitive actions, we improve the quality of our life for years to come.

Are you eager to replace bad habits with good habits? Click here to connect to a mental health provider in your area.

For more in this series, see 

The Power of Habits, Part 2: Leaving Habits Behind

The Power of Habits, Part 3: How to Form a Good Habit

Citations

Mason, C. (n.d.). Home Education. Part III. “Habit Is Ten Natures.” V. The Laying Down of Lines of Habit. Retrieved January 13, 2021, from https://www.amblesideschools.com/manual/Charlotte-Mason/part-iii-habit-ten-natures

Rubin, G. (2018, July 06). Better Than Before: Making & Keeping Resolutions. Retrieved January 13, 2021, from https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/better-than-before-making-keeping-resolutions/