This blog is for all of you that have a complicated relationship with aging. As I type, I realize that statement is silly because we all do (right?)! None of us likes to come face to face with the reality that we’re slowing down. Whether it’s mental sharpness and memory, or physical strength and balance, aging gracefully with wisdom requires acknowledging these natural changes while discovering the profound gifts that come with each passing year.

It may mean dealing with disease or disability. After all, who wants to wake up with back pain or soreness in joints? None of us wants to take endless visits to doctors to deal with organs that worked just fine a few short years ago! It’s also difficult to give up meaningful activities because we can no longer physically or mentally enjoy them.

The Reality of Physical Changes: Accepting What We Cannot Control

So how are we to approach this inevitable truth in life? We all deal with aging gracefully with wisdom in one way or another, whether you’re in your 40’s or in your 80’s. My personal “go to” is complaining (to anyone who’ll listen) that I can’t run like I used to. I imagined being one of those older guys that runs ultramarathons all around the country. Apparently, my body didn’t agree with this plan. What have you had to give up?

According to research published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, life transitions, including aging, are associated with increased psychological distress, even when the changes themselves aren’t inherently negative. This means that even positive aspects of aging can feel uncomfortable at first.

The Unexpected Gifts of Aging Gracefully with Wisdom

Fortunately, getting older has its advantages as well. Aging is more than just physical change or the passage of time. As we age, we experience life. We can be more mindful of the positive changes that come along with aging gracefully with wisdom, the most obvious being that it beats the alternative (attempt at a little humor there)! Humor aside, consider these profound positives of aging:

1. Wisdom: The Pearl Beyond Price

With life experience comes wisdom. The National Institute on Aging research indicates that older adults often develop enhanced emotional regulation and improved decision-making capabilities. Maybe to be more present, maybe to prioritize or focus on important activities or relationships, or to appreciate small things.

As noted by Jean Shinoda Bolen in her work on aging and spirituality, wisdom represents the culmination of lived experience, bringing with it an inner directedness and self-acceptance that younger years simply cannot provide.

2. Let Go: Freedom from Others’ Opinions

We can let go of what others think. As a young person we spend so much time trying to impress everyone. With age, it’s nice to take this off our plate. Work from the MacArthur network emphasized factors that help people maintain good mental and physical functioning into old age.

3. Deeper Faith: Spiritual Growth and Discovery

Along with wisdom, perspective, and experience comes our desire to know “who” we are. We question and explore our “why” which leads down the road of spiritual discovery and deeper faith. Research published in the journal Psychology and Aging demonstrates that spirituality often increases with age and serves as a powerful protective factor for mental health.

According to a comprehensive study cited in AARP Magazine, 80% of adults report that spirituality became more important over the course of their lives. This isn’t about fear, it’s about finally having the time, perspective, and emotional maturity to explore life’s deepest questions.

4. More Freedom: Time Becomes Yours

We tend to have more freedom (time and hopefully finances) when we are older. The post-retirement years offer opportunities many younger people can only dream about: traveling, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or simply enjoying unhurried mornings with a good book.

5. Less Responsibility: A Lighter Load

We also tend to have more time to do things we want to do, spend time with people we care about, volunteer, and enjoy the newfound wisdom. The demands of career-building and child-rearing have eased, creating space for activities that truly fulfill us.

6. Deeper Relationships: Quality Over Quantity

With age, we tend to have longer, deeper relationships. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness, conclusively demonstrates that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and longevity. As we age, we naturally prune superficial connections and invest in relationships that truly matter.

Overcoming the Challenges: When Aging Gracefully with Wisdom Feels Hard

Despite these advantages, aging can feel overwhelming at times. You might be dealing with chronic pain, mobility limitations, or cognitive changes that challenge your sense of self. According to Geriatric Mental Health Care expert Gary J. Kennedy, MD, “the continuance of wellbeing into late age depends on the life pattern of each person,” meaning that acceptance of aging, rather than fighting it, correlates with better outcomes.

The key is reframing our relationship with aging. Research from How We Die by Anne Karpf reveals that ageism itself creates self-fulfilling prophecies. In cultures where aging is respected and valued, older adults perform better on cognitive tests and report higher life satisfaction than in cultures that devalue age.

The Power of Prayer and Faith in Later Life

Most importantly, no matter how we feel, we can always pray. If you ever feel weak or find yourself struggling for purpose, reflect on James 5:13-18 and remember the power of prayer. Sometimes, quieting life allows us to do what matters most.

Prayer and spirituality serve as powerful coping mechanisms during life’s transitions. A 2010 pilot study on spirituality-based interventions for generalized anxiety disorder found significant reductions in both psychic and somatic symptoms.

According to the APA, approximately 49% of U.S. adults reported praying about health. While the scientific community debates the mechanisms, what’s clear is that for those with faith, prayer provides comfort, connection, and a sense of meaning that supports aging gracefully with wisdom.

You’re Never Too Old for Growth and Change

One of the most empowering truths about aging is that you’re never too old to benefit from personal growth, therapy, or self-discovery. Research consistently shows that older adults can and do change, often with greater success than younger individuals because they bring decades of self-knowledge to the process.

Until you take your last breath, you are capable of change. Cognitive, emotional, and behavioral shifts are all still within your grasp, maybe even more so than when you were younger.

Moving Forward: Practical Steps for Aging Gracefully with Wisdom

Here are evidence-based strategies to help you embrace aging with grace:

Stay Physically Active: Even gentle movement like walking, yoga, or swimming supports both physical and mental health. The CDC recommends 150 minutes of moderate activity weekly for older adults.

Nurture Relationships: Invest in meaningful connections. The Harvard Study of Adult Development proves that relationship quality matters more than any other factor for happiness and longevity.

Challenge Your Mind: Engage in mentally stimulating activities. Learn a new language, take up a musical instrument, or tackle crossword puzzles regularly.

Cultivate Spirituality: Whether through organized religion, meditation, nature connection, or prayer, nurturing your spiritual life provides meaning and resilience. Explore our resource on why we value religion more as we age.

Practice Gratitude: Research shows that gratitude practices reduce depression and increase life satisfaction at any age.

Seek Support When Needed: There’s no shame in asking for help, whether from healthcare providers, therapists, or community resources.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Journey of Aging Gracefully with Wisdom

Aging is not a problem to solve, it’s a journey to embrace. While the physical changes may challenge us, the gifts of wisdom, deeper faith, meaningful relationships, and hard-won perspective make life richer than ever before.

As you navigate this chapter of life, remember that you’re not alone. Millions of people are discovering that aging gracefully with wisdom isn’t about denying change, it’s about embracing the fullness of who you’ve become and who you’re still becoming.

Pray on, stay connected, and remember: every day is an opportunity to grow, love, and live with purpose.

by Nicole Urdang, MS, NCC, DHM, LMHC, in Buffalo, New York

Maiden, Mother & Crone Archetypes for Mental Health

You don’t have to be a neopaganist to appreciate the beauty of the ancient archetypes of Maiden, Mother, and Crone. Each life phase has its own role and responsibilities, and each is valued equally.

An Overview

The Maiden

The innocent and energetic maiden explores life with young eyes. It’s a time of firsts: first period, love interest, dreams, and passions. This age is marked by curiosity about almost everything. It’s a time of discovery, early exploration of the self, and choosing initial life paths.

The Mother

The mother archetype does not just refer to women who give birth or choose to adopt. This age is marked by a deepening awareness of maternal, loving, giving, feminine energy. This nurturing can appear in creative endeavors, parenting, social connections, and learning. It has a vibrancy and strong forward-moving energy. Perimenopause occurs in the latter part of this phase. Here, the tasks are sharing knowledge, mentoring, greater or lesser community involvement, and reflecting on the past, present, and future.

The Crone

The crone archetype is notable for the way it integrates what has preceded it. Physically, it is marked by menopause. While physical energy may have waned, there is a trove of life experience on which to draw. New possibilities include more time for introspection, greater self-confidence, stillness, greater interest in meditation, and a newfound appreciation of the simplest pleasures.

It can also be a time of grieving — not just of the aging process, itself, but of other losses as well. This allows space to let go of past patterns, roles, and dreams that may no longer be possible. The greatest gift of the crone is feeling freer and safer to be oneself.

Engaging with These Archetypes

By embracing each stage as you progress through life, you inhabit your truest self and prepare for the next phase.

While no life transition is especially easy to navigate, women entering the third age have a particularly difficult time in our culture as we are bombarded by messages that say we should stay young. Exactly the opposite advice that would help us move forward.

As with most life decisions, there are no cookie-cutter answers about how to live in each phase. One woman’s choices might be completely wrong for another. The hard part of continuing to evolve into your unique self is deeply listening to your own inner guides. Of course, they sometimes pepper you with conflicting messages, but if you’re patient and willing to wait, the path becomes clear.

Want help making peace with your life or support as you make hard decisions? Search for a therapist who can help.

Reflections on Cronehood

I was sitting in the park yesterday, the paradigm of a little old lady on a bench, and I felt an incredible sense of freedom. With no pressure to be physically appealing to anybody and not looking for anyone to complete me, I felt fully myself. It was a glorious experience. Embracing my cronehood. Who knew?

Every single thing I have ever been led to believe about being an old woman evaporated in that moment. I felt seen. People smiled at me, and one young man sat with me to chat for a little while.

I like to remind myself that Yoda and ET weren’t beautiful, yet they were wise, loving, and fully present — not to mention respected and loved.

In my younger years, I enjoyed many aspects of the maiden and mother roles. Now, it’s time to take off those mantles and allow this stage to unfold. I have no interest in chasing a youth that at 68 is truly behind me. And what is “young at heart” anyway? I want to be wise, compassionate, generous, and kind at heart. I couldn’t give a rat’s meow about being or looking young. I want to be what I am: an old woman.

It’s hard, though. The media show me pictures of women my age who — through all sorts of machinations — look a lot younger. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be vibrant and healthy, but I can be those things at 68 and look my age. I don’t want to be young again. Been there, done that. What’s interesting is discovering this third age. I love sharing my experience of 45+ years as a holistic psychotherapist.

Life Wisdom for the Crone

Someone very wise once said to me that if I were comfortable with my choices, the chances are other people would be, too. Not only have I found that to be true, but by living my most authentic life I give people a cosmic permission slip to live theirs.

We all need examples of what’s possible. Thankfully, I have seen other older women do their own thing and find it incredibly inspiring. I can only hope my ways will inspire people to feel good about their choices, even when they go against the prevailing societal tides.

This third age can be a fertile time full of discovery. That may manifest as trying new things externally, plumbing your own depths, or a combination of both.

For many women, it might entail long periods of rest. Even though that can feel “unproductive,” it may prove to be just the peaceful, healing break your body-mind-spirit needs.

Aging with Awareness and Self-Compassion

Like an old injury that still might be seen in a faint scar on your body, some things naturally lessen over time. Other issues, like childhood trauma, keep paying emotional dividends. It’s never too late to get good therapy. You can evolve until you drop the body.

One of the biggest challenges in life is fully accepting whatever stage you’re in and allowing the present to unfold with new possibilities. This process can happen as we grow out of things naturally and organically, or through therapy.

When it comes to entering the crone age and swimming against the tide of our youth-oriented culture, that may entail a conscious, concerted effort to be your true self. This is never easy. It’s even more challenging when you’re aging in an age-denying society where media bombards you 24 hours a day. Still, it can be done. The effort is worth the reward of authenticity. In addition, you can be a beacon to younger people by showing them what it means to age with some measure of grace and acceptance.

Of course, it’s also important to be honest about the challenges of aging, just as it is to be present with the tasks of maidenhood and motherhood. No stage is easy, but by navigating them with awareness and not hiding behind a facade of everything being all good all the time, we can support each other in a new compassionate way. 

Finding a therapist who can help you navigate the challenges of life’s bumps, twists, and turns can be incredibly helpful to embracing the stage you’re in. Search for therapists in your area, then narrow your search using the filters on the left of your search results. If you’re looking for help with accepting your cronehood, you might use the Common Specialties filter, selecting All other issues > Aging and Geriatric Issues to see your options.