As children, talking with our parents about sex (or more like them talking at us) was probably super awkward, if it happened at all. Maybe you remember an adult fumbling through funny phrases, handing you something to read, or blurting out “wait until you’re older!” They meant well, but the whole interaction was not helpful, which is why so many parents today want to do it differently.

The traditional sex talk with kids is a myth that needs debunking. Research shows that one awkward conversation isn’t enough to prepare children for the complex world of relationships, bodies, and sexuality they’ll navigate throughout their lives.

Parenting has changed from the do-as-I-say days that most of us grew up with. Now, kids and adolescents are exposed to more sexualization in the media, have more unfettered access to sexual information, and receive less sex education in schools. Did you know some schools do not even require medically accurate sex education? That is a terrifying combination, but there is some good news.

For all of these reasons, the traditional sex talk with kids needs a serious makeover. Instead of one uncomfortable conversation, parents need to embrace ongoing dialogue that evolves with their child’s development.

Sex Education Used to Be About Checking a Box

This important topic can feel super uncomfortable, which is why so many parents want the relief that comes from “getting it over with.” However, breaking the conversation into smaller parts is actually better for parents and kids. Spreading conversations across different stages of a child’s development helps:

Initiating conversations about sex and incorporating those conversations into the relationship you have with your child puts you in the driver’s seat. You become their go-to person. It also increases the trust they have for you and creates a safety net around them.

Shifting the focus away from the physical act of sex and more toward human development plus healthy relationships can make the whole concept of “the talk” more appealing. Not that parents will look forward to it all of a sudden, but they will likely feel more prepared.

That moment of readiness parents long for is more like a soft whisper than a bull horn at the start of a race. It is not so much about being 100% ready; it is more like being ready-ish.

Meet Kid Curiosity With Conversations… Plural

Kids are naturally curious. If their initial questions are met with awkward silence, stumbling over words, or a quick topic switch, they get the message that certain topics are off limits.

Even a developmentally appropriate, very innocent search could have long-lasting consequences. According to the 2025 Common Sense Census, children ages 0-8 spend an average of 2.5 hours per day on screens. That number jumps to 7.5 hours each day for school-age kids. Meanwhile, 90% of kids ages 12-18 have been exposed to online pornography.

Although porn exposure is usually accidental, kids cannot unsee it once it happens, and their developing brains are not mature enough to fully understand what they saw. That is where you come in.

When parents talk with their children early and often about sexually-related topics, their kids are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and make safer choices.

This is not about one big conversation but many small conversations. The need to step into these conversations sooner rather than later is important because your involvement makes a difference.

“Even if you do not feel fully prepared, even if your kid rolls their eyes, even if you wish you started years ago, it is never too late to begin having ongoing conversations about sex with kids.”

How to Start the Sex Talk with Kids: Begin Right Where You Are

If your child is between preschool and high school, chances are they already began picking up messages about sex, directly and indirectly. Beginning these conversations now means you are choosing to be a steady voice in their over-sexualized world.

Remember: you do not have to tackle everything all at once. A few short, honest conversations over time are more effective (and less intimidating) than a one-time, high-pressure talk.

4 Quick-Start Tips for Sex Talk with Kids

Common Parent Concerns About the Sex Talk with Kids

If you are unsure what to say without saying too much, that’s super common.
If you simply want to get it right, you are in good company.
If you worry about freezing when your kid asks a question you did not expect, you are not alone.

So many parents want the exact same things and have the same concerns. The good news? It is absolutely possible to make your relationship with your child a safe space where they can ask sex-related questions and get honest answers without discomfort for either of you.

The Bottom Line on Sex Talk with Kids

The myth of “the sex talk” has done more harm than good for generations. By embracing ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about sex, bodies, relationships, and boundaries, you give your child the gift of informed decision-making and emotional security.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present, honest, and willing to keep the conversation going. Your involvement matters more than you might think, and it’s never too late to start building this foundation of trust and openness with your child.

Parenting is difficult on its own, but when you and your partner, or co-parent, have different approaches to such an all-consuming role, frustration is likely to flair, impacting not only your relationship with each other but also your children.   

But while our knee-jerk parenting reactions may vary, with the right communication and effort, it’s possible to incorporate more blended, consistent styles, all while maintaining one’s unique parenting strengths and personality.  

Know you are not alone 

Even when you’ve ensured as many pieces as possible are in place to parent — achieving work-life balance, and being physically and emotionally healthy — parenting is a stressful and difficult endeavor. Of course, it’s also rewarding, but you’d be hard-pressed to find an involved parent who hasn’t had days where they’ve felt drained, in more ways than one.   

In fact, according to one Pew study, about 62% of respondents said parenting has been harder than expected, with about a quarter saying it’s a lot harder than anticipated.   

When you and your partner have different parenting styles, it can make parenting that much more difficult, as it requires navigating additional relational challenges, beyond those between you and your children alone.   

Why people parent differently 

Because each partner was raised in a different household and holds different personalities, it should almost be expected that each parent will have, at times, competing notions about the best approach to, say, disciplining their child.  

It’s also important to keep in mind that there also tend to be differences in parenting approaches based on cultural background and even gender. In the same parenting survey, about half of mothers say they take on a more overprotective role, compared with 38% of fathers. The latter is also more likely to state they offer their kids too much freedom, and that when it comes to disciplining, they are less likely to waiver than moms.  

Parenting styles differ based on cultural backgrounds as well. Research shows that some countries rely more heavily than others on sibling parenting, whereby older children take on central caregiving roles. Physical affection, not just from parents, but by other family members and friends, also varies significantly across countries and backgrounds. It’s important to take all of this into account when working with your partner, or co-parent.  

Let’s recap some of the most well-established parenting styles, which may help you identify which feels most applicable to you: 

Authoritarian 

Such an approach relies solely on parents as the decision-makers and leaves little room for kids’  autonomy. Obedience is at the center of authoritarian parenting, and the idiom that kids should be “seen and not heard” encapsulates the dynamic.  

Permissive 

Scant enforcement of rules and disciplines characterizes this type of parenting. Those who grew up with a permissive parent typically experience a childhood where consequences were verbally communicated but were not always followed through on. Accountability for bad behavior could easily be skirted with enough complaining or frustration directed at the parent.  

Neglectful 

There are some similarities with permissive parenting in that discipline is often lacking, but neglectful parenting takes it a step further. While a permissive parent typically expresses concern, or conversely, love and affection, neglectful parents show tremendous indifference to their child’s behavior and needs.  

 Authoritative 

Typically considered the gold standard, an authoritative parent typically employs a carrot-and-stick approach to parenting. Rules and expectations are clearly communicated, as are disciplinary measures, which are followed through on. However, unlike authoritarians, authoritative parents take in children’s perspectives and emotions when making decisions.  

Find something that works for everyone 

Finding common ground 

Finding common ground in your parenting styles will be your secret weapon. Figure out what are some of the baseline rules and consequences that will be enforced the same way among both parents.  

Not allowing kids to “divide and conquer” will not only signal you and your partner are on the same team, but in the long run, it also provides a sense of security for children.  

Disagree behind closed doors 

We can’t always time when conflicts will arise. But to the extent possible, it’s important to save disagreements — especially when it pertains to parenting styles — between the two of you. 

In the words of psychiatrist Dr. Alan Ravitz: 

 “In my own family, I know there were times when I thought my wife was too harsh and there were times when she thought I was too easy. The important thing is to present a united front.” 

Even if you disagree with a particular reaction from your partner — barring extreme circumstances — try not to vocalize your disapproval in the midst of their interaction with your child, as this can undermine their authority, and subsequently, yours as well.   

Constantly communicate 

Regular communication is paramount for the success of any relationship, but when you add raising kids in the mix, it becomes that much more important. With working parents and busy school schedules, set aside time with your partner for parenting “check-ins”. During these agreed-upon times, you can talk about discipline approaches, behavior trends you’re noticing that may be cause for concern, or conversely, optimism. By structuring such discussions, both parents can become a more united front and well-prepared on how to approach worrisome incidents as they inevitably arise.  

Seek counseling 

Sometimes, an objective, third-party professional can help families navigate the messy ins and outs of not just parenting, but marriage as well. Couples counseling can help you and your partner understand each other’s thought processes and emotional patterns when it comes to parenting. And during family therapy, you can also dig deeper into your child’s behavior and subsequent reactions.  

 Online directories like GoodTherapy can help you find the therapist that works best for your family’s challenges, needs and background.  

 

As a mother of three, I have had my fair share of at least one of my children not wanting to be dropped off at school. Every year, my youngest son decides he no longer wants to attend school. Despite the hysterics in the morning, I usually get told that he “had the best day ever!” when I pick him up. If your child is struggling with not wanting to go to school, make sure to listen and hear what they are stating their reasoning. If it is because they want to avoid going, the following tips may be helpful.
(Make sure there are no reasons why your child does not want to attend school that are more than just not wanting to.)

Let me give you an idea of what this looks like

When my youngest arrived at school last year, he started crying and telling me he was not going. Pulling up to the parent drop-off lane, I kissed my other two children goodbye and wished them the best day ever. After parking, I tried talking to my little boy in 1st grade. I yelled, begged, bribed, and tried anything I could think of. I physically picked him up as he grasped the seatbelt and car with Hulk’s strength as he screamed. While bringing him to the front of the school, he decided to lay on the ground face first, screaming. When I attempted to get him off the ground, he spider-monkeyed onto my leg and would not let go. Once I got into the school, I brought him into the office, and once the staff separated him from my leg, I left. He screamed for me, “Help me, Mommy, don’t leave me.” The first day this happened, I cried in my car, guilty and embarrassed. The second day this happened, I cried again with guilt and embarrassment. The third time this happened, I did not cry. The fourth time this happened, I laughed in the car. On the fifth day of this week, he did not cry or scream! (sigh of relief, right?). That’s until Monday comes, and the cycle repeats all over again. My brain knows he has to go to school, and I have to work, but that does not help my heart when this occurs every morning.

Can you relate to this?

Please know you are not alone, and you are doing the best you can; you are doing great!

Can’t relate to this?

You may have witnessed similar situations but have yet to experience this. Please be kind and do not judge.

Here are some tips for coping with this situation that I have found helpful

1. Talk to the school staff!

Does your school have a social worker or counselor? Reach out to them BEFORE the first day! If you anticipate needing to bring your child to school through the main office, talk to the staff there, too! The more support you have, the easier it will be for you to leave your child, and the more adults there will be to comfort your child when you leave. The more familiar your child is with the school staff, the more they may find comfort that these individuals will meet their needs and are safe. Inquire about PBIS; most schools have reward systems in place and may be able to help with incentives. It will also be helpful to create an open communication dialogue with teachers to understand better how your child’s day went and if the mornings have been going well or are a struggle.

2. Take away the unknown and scary fears

Is this a new school? It will likely be a new teacher when starting a different grade level. Try to get your child comfortable with the idea of a new teacher. This is a change, and change can be scary! If your school offers a tour, take your child! The more familiar the child is with what their days will look like, the less complicated it becomes. Create a unique “secret” bond with your child, whether nonverbal, like a secret handshake, or sensory, such as spraying your perfume on their wrist to smell when they miss you. Pinterest is full of fun ideas for comfort objects as well! Remember also to validate your child’s emotions and feelings.

3. Create a routine!

Try to make the morning routine as structured and consistent as possible. Maintaining structure may become challenging when your child is insistent on not getting ready or going to school, but stick to your routine the best you can. Be prepared for changes in routine, such as holiday breaks, to cause some regression. Create a goodbye routine for drop-off that will be the same each day. For example, “I love you. Have the best day, and I will pick you up at 3:00 p.m. I am excited to hear about your day!” Consistency will go a long way in these situations.

4. Reward preferred behaviors

Reward and praise the behavior that is preferred! If your child brushes teeth without being asked five times, acknowledge this! Visuals are the best fit for my routine. I have a visual chart that if my child completes each task, they get a sticker next to each. They will get an appropriate reward depending on how many stickers are on the graph at the end of the week.

5. Ignored unpreferred behaviors

This does not mean ignoring the feelings and emotions that your child is expressing. Pick your battles. As long as they are not becoming a harm to themselves or others, ignore them. Situations like this are frustrating and can provoke wanting to yell, take a deep breath, and remember that children are tiny people with big emotions. Things may worsen before they improve, but remember, they will improve.

6. Be kind to yourself!

You are doing the best you can, and this can be hard! You are not alone, and you are not an imperfect parent/caregiver. Take a deep breath, remember self-care, find support, listen to music, and try some grounding techniques. After dropping your child off, you can call the school to check on them. If the school is having a hard time after 5-10 minutes, you may want to assess if this is something more than just not wanting to go to school.

I know too well that this is all easier said than done, and it can be incredibly challenging when feeling unsupported or having overwhelming mom guilt. You are not alone!

Project Rise Counseling & Advocacy LLC, currently has immediate availability with telehealth sessions offered during daytime, evening, and weekend hours.

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you to find a therapist if you are struggling. There are thousands of therapists listed who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today.

By Shannon Mosher, Licensed Professional Counselor

Top 3 Best Ways of Preventing Misbehavior in Children—Homeschool Edition

There are myriad reasons parents choose to homeschool their children: parental control over the pace and approach to subjects; more flexible schedules and routines; more opportunities for children to develop discipline; faster progress with one-on-one learning; customized approach for a student with special needs—the list of reasons goes on and on. Parents have been choosing homeschooling over public education for as long as public education has existed. However, many parents in the last year did not choose to have their children learn from home. That decision was made for them.

The COVID-19 pandemic forced public school systems—and many other schools—to move their classes onto online learning platforms to safeguard the health of students, teachers, school faculty, and their families. For many parents of these children, this was uncharted territory—they were not used to having their children at home 24/7. This new situation came with many new challenges. No longer were public school teachers responsible for dealing with their children’s misbehavior throughout the day; it was now the responsibility of the parent.

Many parents are still struggling with this aspect of schooling children at home and may not know what to do or where to start. If you’re in this group and still experience some frustration with having your child at home 24/7, here are three of the best ways to prevent misbehavior and have an easier homeschooling experience.

#1: Give Your Child Choices

When it’s time for your child to do chores, eat a meal, or participate in other activities, giving them options to choose from is an excellent way to build trust and respect. The ability to make their own decisions gives children agency, something that they are always striving to develop as they grow. Remember: a growing sense of autonomy is natural, appropriate, and healthy as children mature.

Here are two key guidelines parents ought to remember when giving choices to their kids:

• Try not to overwhelm your child with too many choices. Instead, give them just two options: “Would you like to wash the dishes or wipe down the countertops?” Children are more likely to accept a chore when they are able to choose the task themselves rather than have it imposed upon them by an authority figure. The same is true for meals and even recreational activities—as long as you’re consistent and provide choices to your child regularly, they will not push back against you as much as they would if you imposed your decisions upon them.
• When children question your decisions, refuse to comply, or exhibit misbehavior, it is usually an effort to test boundaries. If you give them choices one day but none the next, it can be confusing for the child and lead them to test just how much power they have in their lives. Be sure to maintain consistency in order to avoid this confusion and prevent frustration in both you and your child.

#2: Set Boundaries with Your Child

As stated before, children are constantly testing limits and boundaries. This may sound like a bad thing, but it’s a natural and important part of the growing up process that helps them to become more independent. 

Setting limits won’t completely remove misbehavior like arguments or backtalk, but it can significantly reduce such behavior. Clear boundaries can keep your child from testing them as much (though they will always be testing them). Providing consequences will reinforce those boundaries and expectations.

So, how can you establish boundaries with your child?

• Teach them how to express themselves in a kind and respectful manner.
• Don’t negotiate with your child or allow long discussions on why something must be done. Instead, outline consequences that they will be better able to understand.
• Be consistent with boundary-setting.
• Be clear about what is non-negotiable: rules that must be followed, such as safety rules.
• Follow through on the consequences.

#3 Create Morning and Evening Routines

The life of a child is one of constant change; it’s confusing, unpredictable, and even scary. This uncertainty often leads to misbehavior as the child fights to feel some sense of control amid this uncertainty. By establishing habits and routines, you can clarify your child’s roles and responsibilities at key times of the day. 

Providing your child with a sense of certainty about how parts of their day will go can help them feel safe and secure and may even allow them to thrive. Routines are an excellent way to develop that sense of security and diminish control-seeking misbehavior. Establish these habits slowly by focusing on just one part of the day.

Using visual reminders such as checklists can help foster a sense of discipline in your child and lead them to finish their tasks without requiring any prompting from you. In addition to creating routines, you should use boundaries and consequences to reinforce those routines (“If you don’t complete the checklist, you don’t get your allowance this week.”)

Note that, while routines are important and effective, it’s okay for parents to deviate from time to time in order to demonstrate flexibility. 

Conclusion

The great thing about these methods is that they are interdependent and form a coherent, effective system for reducing misbehavior, creating healthy habits and routines, and developing discipline in children while they are at home. It won’t be easy, but over time you will have a much-improved homeschooling experience!

Struggling with pandemic-era parenting demands? You’re not the only one. To find a therapist who can help you navigate these concerns, search for a therapist in your area and filter your results by Common Specialties > All other issues > Parenting.