Dealing with the Trauma of Giving Birth 

Newborn baby looking at mother

For many new mothers, giving birth is one of the most exciting times in life. After all, you’re bringing a new tiny human into the world — one that you love more than pretty much everyone else. You can’t wait to meet the little guy or gal. 

In the ideal world, giving birth would be a seamless, painless, uplifting experience. Everything would go according to your birth plan, and you’d meet your bundle of joy quickly, without any hiccups along the way. 

Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen — quite the contrary. According to a recent study, as many as 45 percent of new mothers experience birth trauma.  

What Is a Traumatic Birth Experience? 

A traumatic birth experience occurs when a new mother experiences discomfort or distress during the process of giving birth. Since every woman is unique, each new mother may experience trauma differently. 

Contrary to what the term might suggest, a traumatic birth experience doesn’t necessarily stem from a physical birthing complication (e.g., a uterine inversion or an emergency C-section).  

In many cases, the trauma can be psychological (e.g., stressing out over giving birth in a hospital during COVID-19). After all, the birthing experience can be incredibly stressful and physically exhausting — even when everything goes to plan.  

The Physical and Emotional Effects of a Traumatic Birth 

After a traumatic birth, new mothers have to deal with physical and psychological pain. 

Physical trauma 

All new mothers are physically exhausted after giving birth. Since most muscles strain during contractions, it’s perfectly normal to be sore throughout the body after giving birth. Of course, there’s also vaginal bleeding and vaginal soreness to deal with. On top of this, hormones fluctuate considerably, making new mothers perhaps more emotional than normal.  

While every new mother is different, it generally takes between six and eight weeks for the body to recover after giving birth. 

Psychological trauma 

In addition to the physical trauma that new mothers have to deal with, many women also experience psychological issues after giving birth. 

Postpartum depression 

As many as one in seven new mothers develop postpartum depression after giving birth. When this happens, women can feel hopeless, sad, and isolated. These feelings often translate into a decreased appetite, loss of sex drive, and lack of appetite, among other negative outcomes. On top of this, women dealing with postpartum depression may also struggle to bond with their newborns. 

While exceedingly rare, some new mothers develop a condition called postpartum psychosis, which can lead to dangerous thoughts and behaviors. If you or someone you know who’s recently given birth is dealing with hallucinations, paranoia, or delusions, seek medical help immediately. 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 

Depending on how bad the birthing experience is, some mothers can develop PTSD. One study found that mothers who were less educated, had less prenatal healthcare, and gave birth prematurely were most likely to be diagnosed with PTSD. Additionally, research also suggests that new mothers who’ve suffered from depression and those who were victims of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence are also more likely to develop PTSD. 

In addition to affecting a new mother’s well-being, PTSD can also damage romantic relationships. Women who’ve had a traumatic birth report a lack of sex and arguments with their significant other over the birth itself, among other things. 

Now that you have a better idea of what a traumatic birth is and what a new mother might experience in the aftermath of one, let’s turn our attention to the most important piece of the puzzle: what women can do to overcome these feelings and live their best lives. 

Postpartum Healing: How to Overcome a Traumatic Birth Experience 

From the outset, a traumatic birth experience can seem downright devastating. But there are some things you can do to overcome the trauma.  

It may take time, to be sure. But as long as you’re dedicated to improving your headspace and becoming the mom you’ve always been destined to be, you will get through this challenge before you know it. Here are some ways to make that happen.

1. Think about your experience

While you might be tempted to block your trauma out of your mind, that pain will always exist below the surface unless you confront it head-on. And that starts with being upfront with yourself. Spend time thinking about what you’ve been through and try to understand exactly why you feel the way you do. Whenever you get a moment, you might want to try journaling to really clear your mind. 

Once you’ve processed your thoughts, it’s time to share them with those closest to you — your partner, your family, and your friends. Don’t share anything more than you’re comfortable with. But the sooner you can connect with someone else about what you’re going through, the faster the weight will be off your shoulders.

2. Spend time with your new child

It’s not at all uncommon for new mothers to feel disconnected from their babies after a traumatic birth. While you might not be able to prevent those feelings from happening, you can proactively try to address the issue by making a point to spend more time with your newborn. Easing into skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding when you’re comfortable can help you get through this difficult time. 

3. Talk with a professional about your traumatic birth

At the end of the day, you need to know that you don’t have to deal with this entire situation on your own. While talking with your friends, family, and partner about your emotions and what’s going through your mind can be helpful, you may be best off speaking to a neutral third party when the going gets really tough after giving birth. 

After all, emotional healing when you have a tiny new human in your life can be hard — even if you aren’t experiencing postpartum depression. Speaking with a professional therapist who specializes in treating new mothers can make all the difference in the world. 

If you’re struggling after a traumatic birth experience, reach out to a therapist today to get the help you need to adjust to this huge life change. 

GoodTherapy | A Real Look at Mommy Wine Culture

A Real Look at Mommy Wine Culture

If you are an adult, especially if you’re a parent, you have probably heard of mommy wine culture, though perhaps not by that name. Mommy wine culture basically makes using alcohol to cope with your day as a parent an accepted, even celebrated, part of modern life. Many moms – and parents, more generally – can feel trapped and overwhelmed by stress and the pressure to “keep up appearances.” Mommy wine culture purports to be a solution to this problem. But is it?

What Is Mommy Wine Culture?

You’ve seen the wine glasses, coozies, and other swag emblazoned with phrases like “Mommy needs a drinky,” “Mommy Juice,” or “Mommy Therapy.” These are meant to be a joke about how primary care givers need the escape of alcohol to cope with a long day of caring for their children. An SNL skit just last month highlighted the mommy wine culture phenomenon and hinted at some of the painful problems inherent in it.

In practice, there are a variety of ways this culture is lived out, most of which are more subtle than the tchotchkes above. Some people drink throughout the day, even while driving. There might be vodka in that travel mug with a teabag tag hanging out of it, whiskey stashed under the driver’s seat, sangria in the big cup from the gas station soda fountain on the kitchen island. Some people might drink to or past intoxication during naptime or after the kids are down for the night.

Mommy wine culture might be covering up a much more difficult truth, alcohol dependency.

The Appeal of the Wine Mom

Socializing

The “wine mom” life seems desirable because it is an easy way to connect to others. It is not just moms that view a glass of wine or a cocktail as a way to unwind after a stressful day. Most of contemporary society agrees with that idea. Mommy wine culture seems desirable because it feels like a way to connect and unwind with other mothers, who might be experiencing the same stress you are.

Relaxation

Being a parent is hard. There is no argument there. Many parents view mommy wine culture as a means of relaxation, a way to disconnect from or dampen the stress of being a parent. They do not view it as dangerous or negative. Instead, they view it as their only true way to let go of everything they carry so they can just be.

Deeper Issues with Mommy Wine Culture

Alcohol Dependency

We tend to think alcoholism = alcohol dependency = binge drinking. While someone could struggle with any number of these issues, none of those terms are actually equivalent to any of the others.

(To learn about CDC recommendations for the consumption of alcohol, check out their article Alcohol Use and Your Health.)

Female alcohol dependence and alcoholism often go unnoticed in American society. The good news is that help is available for anyone who wants it, no matter which of these issues they face.

To find a someone who can help you deal with problematic drinking, search for a therapist in your area and filter your results by Alcohol/Addiction Issues. To find a facility where you can get help if your problem is acute, search for an RTC (or Rehab Treatment Center) in our directory.

Effects on Children

Mommy wine culture tells a story about parenthood, and children are often quick to pick up on stories. This story tells that, while parenting is precious, it’s also unbearably awful, and that, because children are so [active, clingy, demanding, annoying, exhausting, boring – fill your own flavor in here], parents are desperate to escape. The more time a parent spends with their child, the more they need alcohol to cope with it all.

This story is probably not one you want to pass on to your children. That being their parent, that being with them is just the worst; that they are the reason you drink; the belief that alcohol is the only option when you can’t physically run away – these are ideas that yield hard and bitter fruit. And the idea that using alcohol (or any other substance) is a healthy, sustainable way to keep stress at bay could encourage the same attitude in your children.

Self-Medication

Any form of self-medication is questionable, especially one that is known to be addictive and damaging. Parents who use alcohol to self-medicate instead of growing in the ability to regulate their emotions are choosing a short-term solution that can have very negative consequences. This is true for anyone who turns to a substance to solve their problems.

It’s okay to lack the skills needed to handle something in your life – stress, responsibility, anxiety, whatever it is. We all have areas where we need to grow. Therapy is a great resource for that growth. Therapists have a toolbox full of strategies and interventions that can help you become more capable, more resilient, more steadfast, and they are eager to share them with you in a helpful way. But just as it would not be okay to neglect a child because you felt overwhelmed, it’s not healthy to use substances as a way to escape your feelings. Reach out for help. It’s waiting for you.

Long-Term Health Damage

A long-term relationship with alcohol can be destructive to one’s health. People who drink heavily or addictively are putting themselves at risk for a variety of health issues down the line.

Toward a Healthier Relationship with Alcohol

Become Aware

Bringing awareness to this issue is the first step toward change. We need to take this prettied-up version of alcohol dependency off its pedestal. Start by noticing and asking questions.

Explore Other Kinds of Relationships with Alcohol

Research and explore how other cultures, other families, and other parents incorporate (or don’t incorporate) alcohol in healthy, non-dependent ways. Ask friends or find groups online of folks who practice these alternatives to learn more about these options. Consider which of these options might be best suited to you. You can even try them on for size.

You can also just leave alcohol behind if it’s not serving you. Sobriety is on the rise, as is a “sober-curious” movement. Some cultures and religions eschew alcohol entirely as well. You won’t be the only one.

Pursue Mental Health

Struggling with mental health concerns is the root of mommy wine culture. Whether you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issues, drinking will not solve the problem. It may make it worse. But help is available. Click through to find a mental health professional who can help you.

Finding support as you strive to deal with addiction or dependency is important. You have options. Learn more about where to find support, what to look for in a rehab treatment facility, how to find an addictions specialist, how to help a friend, how people recover from addiction, and so much more in other articles on our blog.

References

https://www.webmd.com/connect-to-care/addiction-treatment-recovery/alcoholism-vs-alcohol-dependence

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/about-alcohol-use/index.html

Important Notice

GoodTherapy is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.