Our pets are our family, there for us when we need them, and always a part of our hearts. Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is an emotional and heart-rending experience, especially when the decision to euthanize is involved. You may find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of grief, loss, and guilt, wondering if you made the right choice. These emotions are deeply personal and reflect the profound bond you shared with your pet — an unjudging companion who brought love, comfort, and joy into your life. While this pain may feel insurmountable right now, know that there are ways to navigate through this difficult time, honor your pet’s memory, and begin the healing process.

Prepare for the Grieving Process

Grieving the loss of a pet after euthanasia can be one of the most challenging experiences you’ll ever face. Your animal companion provided love, support, and a sense of connection, making the loss even harder to bear. When it comes time to make the decision to euthanize, it marks the end of an important relationship — often one of the most cherished relationships in your life. It’s essential to acknowledge that grieving this loss is natural, and it’s okay to feel deeply affected by it.

The grieving process is different for everyone. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief — denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance — are a common framework, but remember that these stages don’t always occur in a set order. You may cycle through them or experience them at different intensities. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. 

Don’t be surprised if the pain you feel after putting your pet to sleep is deeper and sharper than you initially anticipated. Losing a pet can leave a significant void, and it may take some time for you to come to terms with this profound change in your family and life.

How to Cope with Grief

Be Kind to Yourself

Healing after the loss of a pet takes time, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself during this process. You might feel guilt, regret, or second-guess your decision, but remember that you made the choice with your pet’s best interests in mind. All things are impermanent, and it is this that contributes to the special bond you and your pet had. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up, and don’t rush the healing process. Take time to honor your pet’s memory in ways that feel meaningful to you, and remind yourself that your grief is valid.

Seek Out Social Support 

The importance of social support during grief over the loss of a pet cannot be overstated. When we lose a close relative in death, the world tends to help us move through the grieving process. Family and friends may draw closer together for some time, we take time off from work, and people generally offer their support. The loss of a pet, however, is often met with much less sympathy or support. For example, a survey conducted by Quackenbush and Glickman revealed that 45% of pet owners who had lost a pet missed one to three days of work, even though most employers do not consider the loss of a pet to be grounds for bereavement leave.

While our immediate family members and veterinarians are likely able to relate to the pain we feel and offer needed support, some expect us to just “get on with it.” The world around us doesn’t always seem to understand that our pet was not “just a dog” or “just a cat” and that we cannot “just get a new one.” For these reasons, it’s even more important to seek the support of those who understand what you’re experiencing. Social support — whether from family, friends, or pet loss grief support groups — can make a massive difference in the grieving process. 

Understanding the Impact of Pet Loss

The loss or death of a pet, and the surrounding traumatic events, can greatly disrupt your daily life and unbalance other existing relationships you have (such as with a spouse, children, parents, or colleagues).

It’s important not to push our friends and family members away, especially during this stressful time. It may be helpful to open up to them and share our feelings. After all, who better to remind us of the wonderful times we shared together with our beloved pets?

Seeking Professional Help

If you find it difficult to talk about your grief with others or if your feelings become overwhelming, seeking professional help from a therapist may be the best option. A therapist can offer guidance, help you process your emotions, and provide tools to navigate this challenging time. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional if you need additional support.

Anticipate a Change in Routine and Stay Busy with Meaningful Activities

Grieving the loss of a pet after euthanasia often involves adjusting to a new daily routine. Your pet was a significant part of your life, and their absence can create a profound emptiness. Engaging in meaningful activities can help you cope with your grief and start to heal.

Activities to Help Cope with Grief from Putting Pet to Sleep:

• Volunteer at a local animal shelter: Giving back to animals in need can be a healing way to honor your pet’s memory and fill the void left by their absence.
• Memorialize your pet: Consider making a donation to a local shelter or rescue in your pet’s name. You can ask friends and family to contribute, which can also serve as an opportunity to share memories of your pet.
• Learn about therapeutic approaches to grief: Reach out to a therapist to explore different methods for coping with your loss, such as journaling, meditation, or group therapy.
• Write a letter to your pet: If you’re struggling with guilt, write a letter to your pet explaining your decision to euthanize. This can be a powerful way to process your feelings and find closure.

What You Can Do for a Grieving Loved One

When someone close to you is grieving the loss of a pet, your support can be incredibly valuable and life-changing. Here’s how you can help:

Offer a Listening Ear 

One of the most meaningful things you can do is simply be there to listen. Grief can be isolating, and having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. Let them share their feelings and memories without judgment or the pressure to move on.

Provide Practical Support 

Grief can make even everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Offering practical support can help relieve some of the burden and allow your loved one to focus on their emotional healing. Here are some ways to offer your assistance: 

• Run errands for them
• Prepare meals
• Help with household chores
• Offer to take care of any remaining pet-related tasks, like cleaning up or donating unused supplies

Provide Social Support

Inviting your loved one to social activities can offer a welcome distraction and some emotional relief. However, it’s important to be understanding if they prefer to stay home or need more time alone. Respect their boundaries while letting them know you’re there when they’re ready.

Respect Their Grieving Process 

Everyone grieves differently, and it’s essential to respect your loved one’s unique way of mourning. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or telling them how they should feel. Instead, offer support in a way that honors their individual process.

Feeling Alone in Your Grief? Find Support Today

The loss of a pet cuts deep, but in your grief, remember that the love and bond you shared will always be a part of you. Losing a pet may be one of life’s most difficult experiences, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether it’s finding comfort in memories, leaning on loved ones, or seeking professional support, help is available. Your pet brought you unconditional love, and now, in their memory, it’s time to extend that same compassion to yourself. Reach out for support when you need it, and allow yourself to heal at your own pace.

Find Help Today

References:

1. Clements, P. T., Benasutti, K. M., & Carmone, A. (2003). Support for bereaved owners of pets. Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, 39(2), 49-54. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/200756802?accountid=1229
2. Jaroleman, J. (1998). A comparison of the reaction of children and adults: Focusing on pet loss and bereavement. Omega, 37, 133-150.
3. Quackenbush, J. E., & Glickman, L. (1984). Helping people adjust to the death of a pet. Health and Social Work 9(1), 42-48.
4. Sable, P. (1995). Pets, attachment, and well-being across the life cycle. Social Work, 40(3), 334-41. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/215272292?accountid=1229
5. Spencer, S., Decuypere, E., Aerts, S., & De Tavernier, J. (2006). History and ethics of keeping pets: Comparison with farm animals. Journal of Agricultural and Environmental Ethics, 19(1), 17-25. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10806-005-4379-8

I recently experienced an increase in my anxiety related to the flood of emotions I have been navigating in dealing with my aging, ailing dog. Only half-jokingly, I told my colleague, “I need to find my own therapist who specializes in ‘pet owner anxiety.’ ”

I’ve seen countless articles and research studies supporting the theory animals can help improve anxiety, stress, and depression, and I’ve heard of more and more people registering their pets as emotional support animals. However, it occurred to me that I’d never really come across information regarding the anxiety that can come with owning a pet, though it’s likely something many pet owners and animal lovers experience at some point.

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Owning a pet can be wonderful. Pets provide great companionship and, for many people, animals are loyal, loving members of the family. But loving a “fur baby” comes with its hardships, too. There is the potential for stress with things like adjusting to owning a new pet, training a pet, acquainting new pets and existing pets, introducing pets and children, and finding solutions to various responsibilities in terms of help with pet sitting, dog walking, etc. But for me, the greatest anxiety has come with navigating the options, recommendations, and uncertainty after finding out my dog’s health is failing.

One of the most devastating parts of pet ownership is coming to terms with the fact we will likely have to say goodbye to our beloved companions whose lifespans just don’t equal ours. While many pets seem forever young, they do age, their health eventually declines, and we are faced with even more responsibilities as we take care of the additional duties and demands that come with caring for an elderly or sick animal.

About a year and a half ago, my dog was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Ever since, I’ve grappled with topics related to the uncertainty of death, the anticipation of grief, and the difficulty in having to make confusing and difficult decisions regarding his care.

Death and loss are never easy topics, but I find them to be particularly complicated with pets. For one, they cannot tell you how they feel or voice an opinion in their care the way many aging or ill humans can. Additionally, the knowledge pets are animals as opposed to humans can bring about confusion regarding what that means in terms of our devotion to giving them the best possible care while doing what is in everyone’s best interests.

There are differing opinions when it comes to the value we place on our animal friends. For some people, pets are “just animals.” The emotional attachment some have with their pets may not be understood or validated by those who don’t share the same love of dogs, cats, iguanas, or whatever your beloved pet may be. For others, pets are truly members of the family and losing a pet can be incredibly challenging and affecting.

While I share the sentiment that my dog is a beloved part of my family, I’ve found it overwhelming and difficult to navigate his diagnosis as I balance the discrepancy between doing everything we can versus doing what is realistic. Lately, I’ve wished I had a best friend who is a vet—someone who could give me an honest, unbiased opinion not from a business or professional perspective, but from a place of truly compassionate and candid advising to ease the helplessness and confusion I’ve faced.

I share this in hopes other pet owners who relate can recognize that the strong emotions they feel regarding their pet’s care, health, and life are valid. Pet ownership, rewarding as it can be, can be a source of great stress and anxiety and is a valid reason to seek support when needed.

Some of the greatest anxiety I’ve encountered has come from juggling the grief that comes with knowing my dog is reaching his life expectancy and dealing with an irreversible and fatal disease, all the while managing the guilt I experience when questioning whether it’s worth it to shell out $600-plus every six months, per the vet’s recommendation, for echocardiograms that will monitor the progression but not actually stop it. Being a first-time dog owner, I’ve struggled with nagging questions about whether I should be doing more; confusion as to whether various vets are giving me the best advice; guilt over my hesitancy at emptying my bank account for tests that won’t change the inevitable; and dread over what those final days will be like.

With our dying human relatives, we have no choice but to accept not knowing what the future holds as we await their final breath. With our pets, we’re faced with the potential we may have to make decisions and take it upon ourselves to assist in ending their lives. While it is said euthanizing a pet is one of the most loving and humane decisions you can make, it’s one that is never easy and it inevitably brings about an array of challenging emotions.

So as I struggle with the uncertainty of how things will progress, questions about what my next steps should be, and anguish over what’s to come, I find myself feeling a dreadful combination of anxiety, guilt, and helplessness. Thoughts of, “I’m never owning another pet again” creep in and I question whether the anxiety of anticipatory grief or actual grief is worse.

Rationally, I know it’s better to have loved and lost and that time will ease the pain. And I recognize the greatest factor in my anxiety is in anticipating my dog’s impending passing and knowing there is no course of action that will eliminate facing this hurdle. Yet I’m still struck by how stressed, lost, and guilty I’ve felt regarding truly knowing what steps to take between now and then—and how this dilemma, or any type of stress related to pet ownership, is something I’ve rarely heard others voice.

I share this in hopes other pet owners who relate can recognize that the strong emotions they feel regarding their pet’s care, health, and life are valid. Pet ownership, rewarding as it can be, can be a source of great stress and anxiety and is a valid reason to seek support when needed. While I haven’t come across resources specifically related to “pet owner anxiety,” I am happy to share that there are therapists out there who specialize in pet loss and there are resources and support groups around the country that focus on pet bereavement.

In January, I lost my best and dearest friend—my dog, Paco. Even though he was almost 15 years old, it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. In fact, it was so painful I needed six months until I could write about it. I considered not discussing this dark and depressing time in my life, as it would be so much easier in many ways to simply not talk about it. However, when I do speak about it, I realize just how helpful it is for other pet parents who have experienced this type of loss. So, in honor of Paco and all animal lovers, I share my experience to help you work through your grief in the healthiest way possible. I also offer some advice for others who seek to understand why this loss is so difficult for their loved ones.

First, let me address the proverbial elephant in the room. Many people, particularly those who do not feel connected with or attached to animals, may not understand why losing an animal companion is so difficult. I have heard countless times from well-meaning others that, because animals do not have as long of a life expectancy, this loss is expected and just a part of life. It is often followed by the comment, “You gave him/her a good life.”

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Even while such observations may be factually true, comments like these can feel dismissive. Yes, with some exceptions, we all know our dogs, cats, or other animal children probably will not live as long as we will. Nonetheless, comments of this nature are not at all helpful. So if you know someone who recently lost a “fur baby,” please choose your words more carefully. Other phrases to avoid include, “Just get another dog,” or, when someone with a recent loss adopts another animal, “It’s a replacement!” No animal (or life, for that matter) can be replaced. For those of us who are pet parents, comments like these are akin to telling a person that their human child could be replaced by another.

Next, I would like to share why our fur babies are so important to us. Relationships between humans are complicated. With animals, the relationship is simple and straightforward. There is unconditional love between the person and animal. There is no tension or noise about who took out the trash, no betrayal, no disappointment. For me, the human-animal bond is the most pure and joyful experience in life.

When an animal companion dies, there are no mixed feelings as there might be with humans; joy and love are simply ripped from our lives. Aside from possible relief that an animal’s suffering has ended, there is no upside. There is just pain, depression, and heartache.

When an animal companion dies, there are no mixed feelings as there might be with humans; joy and love are simply ripped from our lives. Aside from possible relief that an animal’s suffering has ended, there is no upside. There is just pain, depression, and heartache.

Given these circumstances, I found it excruciating to grieve Paco’s death.

How to Cope with Your Grief

For those, like me, who have lost a beloved animal companion, I offer these thoughts:

1. What you are feeling is real, valid, and painful. Take as much time as you need to grieve. Cry when you feel the urge. Do what you need to do and on your own timetable. Resist the urge to diminish or downplay your suffering, particularly if doing so is associated with feeling pressure because your loss was an animal and not a human.
2. Understand that grief comes in waves. It is natural to feel numb at times and “normal” at others. You might continue to grieve for months or years. It is okay. The more you can allow yourself to experience your feelings, no matter what they might be, the easier it may be to get through the loss.
3. Seek therapy or a support group. Therapy may be particularly useful if your grief results in difficulties getting through work or your personal life for an extended period. There are even grief groups specifically for pet loss.
4. It is okay to adopt another animal. Some people may adopt another pet immediately, while others need more time. There is no right answer. Adopting sooner rather than later is not necessarily a sign you are not acknowledging your loss. If you adopt more quickly, you will still likely notice your grief. A new companion might allow you to reconnect with joy again, but it will not replace your lost loved one.

How to Help Others with Their Grief

For those wishing to offer support to someone who lost a beloved pet, I offer this advice:

1. Avoid saying anything that could be considered dismissive. Such comments may include variations of:
   • “Dogs/cats/etc. do not live that long. This is just what happens. It is the circle of life.”
   • “You can get another pet.”
   • “You will get a replacement.”
   • “Sometimes you just need to put them to sleep.”
   • “It’s just an animal.”
2. Do not pry for information about how the animal died or any other details. Sometimes people need space and time to grieve. Retelling the story can be too painful, especially in the beginning. Prioritize the grieving person’s wishes over your need to know.
3. Refrain from telling the person how they should grieve. Everyone grieves differently; there is no right or wrong way and there is no schedule. If someone is depressed for an extended period, you can encourage them to look into grief counseling or a support group if it feels appropriate, but that suggestion must be made carefully and gently. Telling someone it has been long enough and they need to get over it is counterproductive and hurtful.
4. Ask the person what they would like you to do (or not do). It is okay to ask the person what they need and how you can help. Sometimes a person will want to be left alone, sometimes they might need a hug, and sometimes they might need to talk. The more you can honor their wishes and needs, the more helpful it will be. And they will remember this kindness. Ultimately, it may strengthen your relationship with them.

I dedicate this piece to Paco Curiel (2002-2017), who taught me how to love fiercely, fearlessly, and deeply.