Starting therapy can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re not quite sure what to expect or where to begin. For Anna Aslanian, a licensed therapist at GoodTherapy, helping clients navigate that uncertainty is at the heart of her practice. With extensive training in evidence-based modalities including Gottman Method couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and attachment-focused EMDR, Anna brings both expertise and compassion to her work with adults seeking support for anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, and trauma.
In this Member Spotlight, Anna shares valuable insights on what makes therapy successful, from finding the right therapeutic fit to understanding that you don’t need to have all the answers before you start. Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or looking to deepen your understanding of the process, her perspective offers reassurance that healing is possible when you find a therapist who truly gets you.
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Q&A with Anna Aslanian
Q: For those who have never been to therapy, what should they know about starting their first session?
Anna:
I think it can be nerve-wracking to start therapy, and a lot of people have different ideas of what therapy is… It’s very different. If you’re looking for a therapist and it’s your first time, I have two tips that I think would make this successful.
Number one, look for someone who is specializing in what you’re looking for. So if you’re looking for therapy for, let’s say, depression, or you’re looking for couples therapy, or for your anxiety, or you’re trying to heal from childhood trauma, then look for that specific therapist who…mentions that they work with that specialty.
Don’t shy away from asking questions in terms of their experience, [including] what trainings they have.
Number two is your comfort level. I think therapy is different in that it’s very relational. So if you’re not clicking or connecting, or this person is not really making you feel safe to really be yourself and share, you might need a different fit. It doesn’t mean that a therapist is bad or you’re not doing a good job. It’s just really about connecting with one human being.
Just be as open as you can. Most of us therapists have heard all sorts of things. So there is nothing you can tell me that I will be shocked [to hear]. The more open you are and more you share, the better I can help you.
Q: How can therapy help someone gain clarity if they feel like something is off with themself?
Anna:
It’s not your job to do detective work to figure out what’s happening…The best thing to do is just be honest with the therapist, and you can just share what you know…I have these thoughts, I have these feelings, I have these body sensations. Based on that, your therapist should be trained enough to ask follow-up questions to narrow down what is happening and give you insight and psychoeducation so you can connect the dots.
So don’t feel like it’s your job to know the whole thing…Your therapist is there to really guide you and figure out why you’re feeling, what you’re feeling, what it ties to, and what tools you need to move past that.
Q: Why is it so important for people to find therapists who truly understand them, their background, or their identity?
Anna:
If you don’t feel safe with another person in the room, emotionally safe, it’s hard to open up and to share your deepest wounds and your thoughts. [Maybe] we’ve never shared that with somebody else before, or there is shame associated with what we’re going to share.
It’s really about the connection with the therapist and [if] you feel comfortable. You can also [tell] the therapist, “Hey, this is what would make me feel more comfortable,” just so that they can help you the best they can. But even then, sometimes you may feel like we’re not clicking, and that’s okay. There are so many therapists out there.
This is why so many therapists, including myself, provide free phone consultations before meeting. So that way you can have that 15-20 minute conversation on the phone…[and discuss] what you want to work on and see what they say. And if that really feels like, I’m excited to start this journey with this therapist and I feel comfortable, or it just feels like, I’m uneasy about this, then just follow your intuition on that.
Q: What makes your practice unique, and how do you know if you’re a good fit for a client?
Anna:
So with adults, it’s kind of two branches: couples and individual therapy. For couples, I have done many additional trainings on top of just getting your degree. For example, I’m certified in Gottman Method couples therapy, and that’s all research-based…So I’m not just listening to their problems and being a witness to it. I’m giving them research-based tools.
But I’m also trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which is all about the attachment styles and how you relate to another human being. And that really stems from childhood stuff. So I can really bring that into my work when people feel stuck and know how to get them out of that.
Within these years that I’ve been practicing, I’ve had a lot of both work experience as well as additional trainings to work with subcategories of couples therapy. So it’s not just a general approach. You have couples who come in when there is infidelity…or couples who are new parents…or premarital counseling, [or] addiction and couples therapy. All of those factors really change the dynamic and what interventions will be helpful.
For individual therapy,…I’ve worked in different populations, in different clinics, in different settings, …as well as had many certifications that really continue this growth as a therapist. I think that’s very important. We don’t just get our degrees and say that’s it or do an online course and that’s it. It’s…the schooling, the additional trainings, the practice in different settings to know how to actually utilize that in real-life situations.
I am certified in attachment-focused EMDR, as well as the traditional protocol of EMDR. I’m trained in polyvagal theory, which is all about nervous system regulating, in ACT, which is acceptance commitment therapy that’s super helpful for anxiety or just life transitions…Because I’m trained in all these different modalities, but also have the work experience and years of doing the actual work with clients, I can tailor that to what the client needs.
Q: Why is it important for therapists to have varied certifications, experiences, and educational backgrounds?
Anna:
If you’re only trained in one modality or you’re just generally trained, there are only a handful of techniques you might know how to do. That’s why it’s important to go to a specialist, or as a therapist, it’s important to continue your growth, because not every person heals and learns or unlearns the same way. There are different methods that work for different people, and one isn’t better than the other.
You need to have a really rich toolkit as a therapist to know, Okay, this client is processing things like this, so this approach is going to be better for them, instead of trying to fit them into the way you think.
Q: What’s one tip or mindset shift that you can share that helps people start feeling better?
Anna:
Get curious and compassionate about what’s happening instead of judgmental or solution-focused. Sometimes we can be very solution-focused, which isn’t a bad thing in itself. We have a problem, we want to fix it…But there may be a lot of judgment with that too, and pressure to change…
We [should be] compassionate with ourselves…[and] kind to ourselves the way we would be kind towards someone we love that’s going through a hard time. That’s number one. That would help you have less of that judgment and negativity around what you’re experiencing…
Whether you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, you’re stressed, or you’re feeling feelings that you think are shameful, the first thing that you can do is just allow all of that to be present in a room with you and know that it’s human and it’s normal. So you can be kind towards that aspect of yourself struggling, and then get curious: Where can I get my answers? Who can help me here? What do I need right now to take care of myself? I think those are the two fundamentals that will help you in this process of healing.
Finding Your Path Forward
Anna’s approach to therapy reminds us that seeking help doesn’t mean you need to have everything figured out. In fact, uncertainty is often what brings us to therapy in the first place. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges, processing past trauma, or simply feeling like something is off, the right therapeutic relationship can provide the safety and tools you need to move forward.
If you’re ready to take that first step, look for a therapist with expertise in your specific concerns, trust your gut about whether you feel comfortable, and remember that it’s okay to ask questions during a consultation. Therapy is a collaborative process, and finding a therapist who understands your unique needs can make all the difference.
To learn more about Anna Aslanian’s approach and see if she might be the right fit for you, visit her profile on GoodTherapy. If you’re interested in exploring more about the therapy process, check out GoodTherapy’s resources on how to find a therapist, what to expect in your first therapy session, and tips for getting the most out of therapy.
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Have you ever noticed how the biggest changes in life often bring out both the best and most challenging parts of our relationships?
Whether it’s moving to a new city, starting a new job, welcoming a child, or adjusting to an empty nest, life transitions can feel overwhelming. But they also offer powerful opportunities for growth, especially when couples approach them with empathy, curiosity, and open communication.
Why Life Transitions Test Relationships
Change, even when welcome, stirs up uncertainty. A long-awaited promotion, a beautiful new home, or even retirement can disrupt familiar routines, shift roles, and bring unspoken expectations to the surface. These disruptions can trigger old fears or emotional wounds from earlier in life. Unfortunately, it’s easy to unintentionally take that stress out on the person closest to you.
In these vulnerable moments, many couples find themselves more reactive, more disconnected, or even questioning their compatibility. But the issue isn’t necessarily the change itself—it’s how the couple experiences and navigates that change together.
How to Stay Connected During Major Life Changes
1. Pause and Check In Regularly
Set aside intentional time to talk about what’s changing and how you each feel about it. Even a 10-minute check-in over coffee can deepen your awareness and connection. This simple practice helps prevent small issues from becoming major relationship problems.
2. Share Your Inner Emotional World
Don’t just talk about the logistics—talk about your emotional landscape. Ask open-ended questions like:
- “What’s been hardest about this transition for you?”
- “What are you most hopeful or excited about?”
- “How can I better support you during this change?”
Communication issues can strain relationships, especially during times of change. Learning to share your emotional world effectively is crucial for maintaining connection.
3. Practice Empathy, Not Problem-Solving
You don’t need to have the perfect solution for every challenge your partner faces. Just being present and saying “I hear you” or “That makes sense” can be profoundly comforting. Sometimes validation is more valuable than advice.
4. Maintain Rituals of Connection
Transitions often upend routines that keep couples connected. Try to preserve at least one or two daily or weekly rituals—like a morning walk, an evening check-in, or Sunday breakfast. These small anchors help maintain emotional continuity when everything else feels uncertain.
5. Ask for Professional Support When Needed
Sometimes, no matter how much love you share, a transition brings up more than you can hold on your own. A few sessions with a skilled couples therapist during a major life change can make a world of difference. Research published in academic journals shows that couples therapy has large effects on relationship satisfaction and helps couples develop better communication patterns.
Struggling with major life changes? Learn expert strategies with our guide on navigating life transitions successfully and discover why your brain resists change.
The Role of Couples Therapy During Life Transitions
If you’re sensing that a big change is testing your connection, consider seeking couples therapy—not as a last resort, but as a proactive step toward staying aligned.
A good couples therapist offers a safe space for you and your partner to:
- Slow down and process emotions calmly
- Express feelings without judgment
- Understand recurring communication patterns
- Learn new ways of connecting and communicating
- Reconnect as teammates rather than adversaries
Ready to strengthen your relationship during this transition? Get started with our guide on how couples therapy can help you talk it out and improve your communication patterns.
Importantly, couples therapy is a specialized skill—not all therapists are trained in it. Look for a professional with advanced certification in a couples-specific modality, such as:
- Imago Relationship Therapy
- Encounter-Centered Couples Transformation
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- The Gottman Method
- Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT)
- Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
These evidence-based models all share one thing in common: they use a relational paradigm, focusing not just on individual experiences but on the interactional dance between two people. That makes couples therapy distinctly different from individual therapy, where the client is one person and the work centers on that person’s internal world.
What to Look for in a Couples Therapist
Beyond credentials, experience matters. Look for a therapist who has worked extensively with couples, especially those navigating transitions like parenthood, retirement, caregiving, or relocation. Finding the right therapist is crucial for successful outcomes.
And don’t underestimate the importance of therapeutic fit. You both should feel respected and hopeful in the presence of your therapist. It’s normal for one partner to feel more hesitant about therapy, but no one should feel like they’re being dragged into treatment unwillingly.
Consider these questions when evaluating potential therapists:
- Do they have specific training in couples therapy modalities?
- Have they worked with couples facing similar transitions?
- Do both partners feel comfortable and understood?
- Does the therapist maintain neutrality rather than taking sides?
Need help improving your relationship communication? Discover the 5 communication skills every couple should develop to strengthen your connection during challenging times.
Building Resilience Together Through Change
Relationship resilience isn’t about avoiding difficult transitions—it’s about developing the skills to navigate them successfully. Strong marriages require intentional effort, especially during times of change.
Couples who thrive through transitions often share these characteristics:
- They view challenges as opportunities for growth
- They maintain open, honest communication
- They support each other’s individual growth within the relationship
- They seek help when needed without shame
- They maintain perspective about temporary vs. permanent changes
It’s important to understand that when one person changes in a relationship, it naturally affects the dynamic. This is normal and can actually strengthen your bond when approached with empathy and understanding.
Final Thoughts: Embracing Change as a Couple
Life transitions are unavoidable—they’re part of the natural evolution of life and love. What matters most isn’t avoiding them, but learning how to walk through them side by side.
With the right support and intention, even the most disorienting changes can become doorways into deeper connection. When couples face change with empathy, curiosity, and a commitment to grow together, they don’t just survive—they transform and build even stronger relationships.
Remember: seeking support during transitions isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom. Whether through improved communication strategies, professional guidance, or simply making time for regular check-ins, investing in your relationship during times of change is one of the best decisions you can make.
Ready to transform your relationship during life’s biggest changes? Start with understanding change and life transitions and discover how therapy can help you adapt and build resilience together.