Person looking at a phone beside a journal, representing social media nervous system stress

Remember when we called it the information superhighway? That is what it was, back when the internet first showed up. The deal felt simple: you logged on, looked things up, learned something, and left. Now, the feed can reach past your willpower and into your social media nervous system response before you even realize what happened.

Social media nervous system
Doomscrolling
Vicarious trauma
Attention boundaries

And then something happened.

The superhighway became a supermarket. Everything is for sale now. The cost is not just money. It can be your emotional energy, your time, your relationships, your sanity, your regulation, and your ability to sit in a quiet room for five minutes without reaching for the glowing rectangle in your pocket.

Let us talk about what happened, why it matters, why it is not your fault, and what it can look like to get your ground back.

Key insight

The problem is not that you are weak. A social media nervous system response often begins because the feed is designed to bypass reflection and keep the body on alert.

Two Different Harms, One Nervous System

When we talk about “media,” we usually mash together two very different things your body has to deal with.

Stream one: the algorithm

Short videos. Edited photos. Stuff designed to make you mad. Comments built to keep your thumb moving. All of it made to get past your willpower and light up dopamine. It is not an accident that stopping feels hard. It was built that way.

Stream two: the suffering

Graphic images of war, violence, political chaos, and people in pain. You did not sign up to witness any of it. Your feed served it up anyway.

There is a clinical name for what can happen when we are exposed to suffering that is not ours over and over: vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress. In a study on media-induced secondary trauma during the COVID-19 pandemic, Lamba et al. (2023) explored how repeated media exposure can affect mental health during collective crises. This used to be something we talked about mostly with therapists, nurses, and first responders. Now, thanks to smartphones, many more people are exposed to other people’s pain again and again.

Both streams, the addictive and the disturbing, move through the same nervous system. That is the part most people miss.

Your Body Does Not Know It Is Just a Phone

Your nervous system was built for real threats. The kind that show up, get handled, and go away. It does not know what TikTok is. It cannot tell the difference between a bear and a shaky video of a bombing. It cannot tell the difference between friends laughing at your joke and bots boosting a stranger’s comment section.

It reacts to what it sees. Every time.

Heart rate up. Chest tight. Breath shallow. Cortisol dumping. That is supposed to happen briefly: burst, resolve, safety. But scrolling breaks that rhythm. Threat, threat, threat. Comparison, comparison, comparison. No resolution. No off switch. No “it is over now.”

Your body may think you are still in the woods with the bear, hours after you put the phone down.

And the research keeps piling up:

  • A systematic review and meta-analysis found that problematic social media use is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress in adolescents and young adults (Shannon et al., 2022).
  • A meta-analysis linked use of social networking sites with self-reported depressive symptoms, with particular concerns around passive or comparison-based use (Vahedi & Zannella, 2021).
  • The World Health Organization reported that problematic social media use among teens rose from 7% in 2018 to 11% in 2022, alongside lower overall well-being (WHO, 2024).
  • Excessive screen time has been discussed in relation to changes in brain structure, sleep disruption, attention, and stress regulation (Stanford Lifestyle Medicine, 2024).

So no, it is not just you. It is not only in your head. A social media nervous system response can show up in the body, and it is measurable in sleep, attention, mood, and tension.

A grounded way to think about trauma exposure

If distressing content keeps following you into sleep, relationships, work, or your body, it may help to learn more about how trauma can shape nervous system responses.

What It Looks Like When It Is Wearing You Down

The harm builds slowly. That is why most people do not connect the dots. They just notice something is off.

See if any of this lands:

A quick self-check

  • Sleep that does not feel like rest, even when you get eight hours.
  • A low hum of worry that eases the second you pick up your phone and comes right back when you put it down.
  • Things that used to bring joy feel oddly flat.
  • You cannot sit with your own thoughts for more than a minute without reaching for something.
  • Cycles of anger and guilt leave you drained.
  • Bitterness creeps into places it did not used to live.
  • Comparison makes your actual life feel smaller than it is.
  • Tension gathers somewhere in your body: jaw, shoulders, stomach, chest.

If a few of those hit, you are not broken. You are a person responding the way a person is supposed to respond to a world you were never built to absorb at this speed.

Change the Design, Not Just the Behavior

Here is the trap. People try to use willpower against apps built to get past willpower.

Guess who wins that fight.

The move is not to try harder. It is to change the design.

Phone beside a journal, pen, water, and plant, representing a calmer boundary with social media

Practical reset

A design-first reset

Use these as experiments, not as proof that you are doing mental health correctly.

1 Audit before you adjust. Pull up your screen time. Do not judge it. Just look. Which apps eat the most hours? When do you reach for your phone? What were you feeling right before? This is data, not a confession.
2 Create distance, not deprivation. Deleting an app for 24 hours is worth more than six promises to “scroll less.” Turn off notifications, move social apps off your home screen, and put the phone in another room at night.
3 Set a news perimeter. Pick one time a day to check. Mute keywords that send you spiraling. You can stay informed without being soaked. Caring is not the same as watching.
4 Ground yourself when the damage is already done. The 5-4-3-2-1 exercise works because it pulls your body back to the present, which is the only place safety actually lives.
5 Ask your thoughts a different question. When something from your feed loops in your head, try: Is this a fact, a fear, or a feeling? Naming it does not make it disappear, but it puts a little air between you and it.
6 Move it through your body. Vicarious trauma does not just live in your head. It can live in your muscles, your gut, your jaw. Walk it out. Stretch. Dance to one song. Step outside for ninety seconds.
7 Replace it, do not just remove it. A nervous system running on stimulation will feel weird without it. Plan what fills the gap: text a real friend, read ten pages, sit on your porch. The first few days can feel loud in their quiet. Then it starts to feel like rest.

When self-kindness helps the reset stick

A feed boundary works better when it is not fueled by shame. If your inner critic gets loud, this GoodTherapy article on self-compassion and the inner critic may be a useful companion.

Try this now: 5-4-3-2-1

Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

This does not erase the content you saw. It helps your body locate the present moment, which is the only place safety can register.

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First

There is a reason flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before helping the person next to you. A person who has run out of air cannot help anyone else breathe.

Research on caregivers points to a similar reality. Compassion fatigue and burnout are serious concerns among health care professionals, and ongoing research continues to examine how overexposure to distress and depleted regulation can affect people who care for others (Capobianco dos Santos et al., 2025).

Stepping back from media is not selfish. It is not giving up either. It is what lets you stay connected to the people and causes you love without becoming a casualty of the feed.

Support can make the pattern easier to change

If social media nervous system stress is affecting your sleep, relationships, or sense of safety, you can find a therapist through GoodTherapy and talk through what is happening without shame. If you are unsure where to start, GoodTherapy’s guide to finding the right therapist can help you think through fit.

What Comes Back

People who try this often notice the same thing. The first week is weird. Quieter than expected. Sometimes a little lonely. You may pick up your phone out of habit and put it back down. That is not relapse. That is recalibration.

Then something shifts. Sleep gets deeper. Thoughts come back online. Creativity sneaks in. Conversations go longer. The body settles into a kind of safety it had not felt in a long time.

You do not have to throw your phone in the ocean. You just have to stop letting it think for you. Your attention is one of the most valuable things you have. You are allowed to protect it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about feed stress, body cues, and getting help.

Q: Can social media affect my nervous system? +

A: It can. Social media can expose you to comparison, conflict, rapid novelty, and distressing content in quick succession. Your body may respond with stress signals even when the threat is not physically present.

Q: Is it vicarious trauma if I only saw the content online? +

A: Repeated exposure to others’ pain through media can contribute to secondary stress for some people. That does not mean every distressing post causes trauma, but it does mean your reaction deserves care and context.

Q: How do I stop doomscrolling without relying on willpower? +

A: Change the design first. Move apps, turn off notifications, set a news window, keep the phone out of the bedroom, and plan a replacement activity before you remove the old habit.

Q: When should I talk with a therapist? +

A: Consider therapy if scrolling is affecting sleep, relationships, work, mood, or your sense of safety. A therapist can help you understand what the feed is activating and build steadier ways to respond.

References

Capobianco dos Santos, C. G., Santos Neto, M. F., Carvalho, S. R. P. V. T., Furlani, M. R., Martins, C. C., Santos, E. R., Menezes, J. D. S., Silva, M. Q., Santos, L. L., Molina, T. C., Castro, N. A. A. S. R., Cristóvão, H., Santos Júnior, R., Brienze, V. M. S., Lima, A. R. A., Fucuta, P. D., Vaz-Oliani, D., Domingos, N. A., Miyazaki, M. C., . . . André, J. C. (2025). Compassion fatigue and burnout among health care professionals: Protocol for a scoping review. JMIR Research Protocols, 14, e66360. https://doi.org/10.2196/66360
Lamba, N., Khokhlova, O., Bhatia, A., & McHugh, C. (2023). Mental health hygiene during a health crisis: Exploring factors associated with media-induced secondary trauma in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic. Health Psychology Open, 10(2). doi: 10.1177/20551029231199578
Shannon, H., Bush, K., Villeneuve, P. J., Hellemans, K. G. C., & Guimond, S. (2022). Problematic social media use in adolescents and young adults: Systematic review and meta-analysis. JMIR Mental Health, 9(4), e33450. https://doi.org/10.2196/33450
Stanford Lifestyle Medicine. (2024). What excessive screen time does to the adult brain.
Vahedi, Z., & Zannella, L. (2021). The association between self-reported depressive symptoms and the use of social networking sites (SNS): A meta-analysis. Current Psychology, 40(5), 2174-2189. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-019-0150-6
World Health Organization. (2024). Teens, screens and mental health.

Protecting Your Attention Is Care

If your feed keeps leaving your body on alert, support can help you sort through what is being activated and what needs to change.

Find a Therapist Near You →
Griffin Oakley, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

About the Author

Griffin Oakley

MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC

Griffin Oakley, MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC, is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, CPTSD, attachment, and identity work. His work focuses on helping adults make sense of overwhelming inner experiences with more steadiness, self-understanding, and practical support.

He provides telehealth therapy to adults throughout Florida through Curious Mind Counseling, where he supports clients navigating trauma recovery, nervous system stress, and relationship patterns.

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mother and daughter representing sex talk with kids with a serious discussion

 

As children, talking with our parents about sex (or more like them talking at us) was probably super awkward, if it happened at all. Maybe you remember an adult fumbling through funny phrases, handing you something to read, or blurting out “wait until you’re older!” They meant well, but the whole interaction was not helpful, which is why so many parents today want to do it differently.

The traditional sex talk with kids is a myth that needs debunking. Research shows that one awkward conversation isn’t enough to prepare children for the complex world of relationships, bodies, and sexuality they’ll navigate throughout their lives.

Parenting has changed from the do-as-I-say days that most of us grew up with. Now, kids and adolescents are exposed to more sexualization in the media, have more unfettered access to sexual information, and receive less sex education in schools. Did you know some schools do not even require medically accurate sex education? That is a terrifying combination, but there is some good news.

Key Finding

When kids have a trusted adult to talk with about sex, it can help them develop self-esteem, have healthy relationships, prevent intimate partner violence, and guide them to make informed decisions about their bodies and behaviors later in life.

For all of these reasons, the traditional sex talk with kids needs a serious makeover. Instead of one uncomfortable conversation, parents need to embrace ongoing dialogue that evolves with their child’s development.

 

Sex Education Used to Be About Checking a Box

This important topic can feel super uncomfortable, which is why so many parents want the relief that comes from “getting it over with.” However, breaking the conversation into smaller parts is actually better for parents and kids. Spreading conversations across different stages of a child’s development helps:

Initiating conversations about sex and incorporating those conversations into the relationship you have with your child puts you in the driver’s seat. You become their go-to person. It also increases the trust they have for you and creates a safety net around them.

Struggling with how to communicate with your child? Our guide on effective parent-child communication strategies offers practical approaches for all ages.

Shifting the focus away from the physical act of sex and more toward human development plus healthy relationships can make the whole concept of “the talk” more appealing. Not that parents will look forward to it all of a sudden, but they will likely feel more prepared.

That moment of readiness parents long for is more like a soft whisper than a bull horn at the start of a race. It is not so much about being 100% ready; it is more like being ready-ish.

 

Meet Kid Curiosity With Conversations… Plural

Kids are naturally curious. If their initial questions are met with awkward silence, stumbling over words, or a quick topic switch, they get the message that certain topics are off limits.

⚠️ The Digital Reality

When parents avoid conversations about bodies, boundaries, and sex out of fear or uncertainty, it does not stop a child’s curiosity, it just shifts who kids learn the information from. In today’s world, that source is more likely to be the internet than a friend or older peer.

Even a developmentally appropriate, very innocent search could have long-lasting consequences. According to the 2025 Common Sense Census, children ages 0-8 spend an average of 2.5 hours per day on screens. That number jumps to 7.5 hours each day for school-age kids. Meanwhile, 90% of kids ages 12-18 have been exposed to online pornography.

Although porn exposure is usually accidental, kids cannot unsee it once it happens, and their developing brains are not mature enough to fully understand what they saw. That is where you come in.

Want to understand your child’s developmental stage better? Explore our comprehensive resource on child development milestones to tailor conversations appropriately.

When parents talk with their children early and often about sexually-related topics, their kids are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and make safer choices.

This is not about one big conversation but many small conversations. The need to step into these conversations sooner rather than later is important because your involvement makes a difference.

“Even if you do not feel fully prepared, even if your kid rolls their eyes, even if you wish you started years ago, it is never too late to begin having ongoing conversations about sex with kids.”

 

How to Start the Sex Talk with Kids: Begin Right Where You Are

If your child is between preschool and high school, chances are they already began picking up messages about sex, directly and indirectly. Beginning these conversations now means you are choosing to be a steady voice in their over-sexualized world.

Remember: you do not have to tackle everything all at once. A few short, honest conversations over time are more effective (and less intimidating) than a one-time, high-pressure talk.

4 Quick-Start Tips for Sex Talk with Kids

1 Use Everyday Moments

Use everyday things like a song lyric, magazine cover, movie image, billboard, or social media post to gently lead into conversations. These teachable moments feel less forced than sitting down for a formal talk.

2 Use Proper Terminology

Familiarize yourself with proper names for body parts to avoid slang terms. Using correct anatomical language normalizes body talk and helps children communicate clearly if they ever need to report inappropriate behavior.

3 Answer Honestly

Answer honestly to build trust. If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so and commit to finding the information together. This models lifelong learning and shows your child that curiosity is valued.

4 Satisfy Their Curiosity

Tell them just enough to satisfy their curiosity at their developmental level. You don’t need to overwhelm a 5-year-old with information meant for a teenager. Follow their lead and answer what they’re actually asking.

Need support establishing open communication with your teen? Discover ways you can improve communication with effective listening skills that can strengthen your family connections.

Colorful steps leading to “The Talk” symbolizing a sex talk with kids.

 

Common Parent Concerns About the Sex Talk with Kids

If you are unsure what to say without saying too much, that’s super common.
If you simply want to get it right, you are in good company.
If you worry about freezing when your kid asks a question you did not expect, you are not alone.

So many parents want the exact same things and have the same concerns. The good news? It is absolutely possible to make your relationship with your child a safe space where they can ask sex-related questions and get honest answers without discomfort for either of you.

 

The Bottom Line on Sex Talk with Kids

The myth of “the sex talk” has done more harm than good for generations. By embracing ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about sex, bodies, relationships, and boundaries, you give your child the gift of informed decision-making and emotional security.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present, honest, and willing to keep the conversation going. Your involvement matters more than you might think, and it’s never too late to start building this foundation of trust and openness with your child.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions parents have about having the sex talk with kids:

Q: At what age should I start having sex talk conversations with kids?

A: You can start as early as age 4-5 with basic body part names and concepts of privacy. By age 6-7, introduce simple concepts about where babies come from. The key is providing age-appropriate information that matches your child’s developmental stage and curiosity level. Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that early, ongoing conversations lead to better outcomes than waiting for one “big talk” during adolescence.

Q: What if my child asks a question I’m not prepared to answer?

A: It’s perfectly okay to say “That’s a great question. Let me think about the best way to explain that to you, and we can talk about it after dinner (or tomorrow).” This gives you time to gather your thoughts and research age-appropriate answers. The important thing is to follow through on your promise to continue the conversation.

Q: How do I know if I’m giving my child too much information?

A: Follow your child’s lead and watch their body language. If they seem satisfied with your answer and move on to another topic, you’ve given them enough. If they ask follow-up questions, continue the conversation. Generally, answer the specific question they’re asking without volunteering additional information they haven’t requested. Planned Parenthood offers age-specific guidelines that can help you gauge appropriate information levels.

Q: What if my child was exposed to pornography online?

A: Stay calm and don’t overreact, as shame can make the situation worse. Ask open-ended questions about what they saw and how it made them feel. Explain that what they saw doesn’t represent real relationships or sex, and reassure them they’re not in trouble. Use this as an opportunity to have a conversation about healthy sexuality versus what’s portrayed in pornography. Consider consulting with a therapist who specializes in children if you need additional support.

Q: Should both parents participate in sex education conversations?

A: Ideally, yes. When both parents (or caregivers) participate in age-appropriate ways, it normalizes the topic and shows children that these conversations are important and not gender-specific. However, it’s also fine for one parent to take the lead if that’s what works best for your family. The most important factor is consistency and comfort level of the adult having the conversation.

Q: How can I make sure my values are reflected in sex education conversations?

A: Start by identifying your family’s values around relationships, intimacy, and sexuality. Frame conversations within these values while still providing medically accurate information. You can say things like “In our family, we believe…” or “Our values teach us that…” This approach allows you to share factual information while also conveying your family’s moral or religious perspectives.

Get Professional Support for Your Parenting Journey

Parenting in today’s world comes with unique challenges. A therapist can help you navigate difficult conversations, strengthen family communication, and build the confident parenting skills you deserve.

Find a Therapist Near You →

References

  1. Blake, S., Simkin, L., Ledsky, R., Perkins, C., & Calabrese, J. (2001). Effects of a Parent-Child Communications Intervention on Young Adolescents’ Risk for Early Onset of Sexual Intercourse. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 33(2), 52-61. https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2001/03/effects-parent-child-communications-intervention-young-adolescents-risk-early
  2. Faverio, M., & Sidoti, O. (2024, December 12). Teens, Social Media and Technology 2024. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2024/12/12/teens-social-media-and-technology-2024/
  3. Goldfarb, Eva S. & Lieberman, Lisa D. (2021). Three Decades of Research: The Case for Comprehensive Sex Education. Journal of Adolescent Health, 68(1), 13-27. https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X%2820%2930456-0/fulltext
  4. Guttmacher Institute. (2025, April). Federally funded sex education: Strengthening and expanding evidence-based programs. https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/sex-education
  5. Mann, S., Calvin, A., Lenhart, A., and Robb, M.B. (2025). The Common Sense census: Media use by kids zero to eight, 2025. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense Media.
  6. Planned Parenthood. (n.d.). How do I talk with my elementary school aged child about sex and sexuality? https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/elementary-school
  7. Ritchie, M. (2016). How Are Our Children Learning about Sex? The Responsibility of Parents and Schools to Teach Kids about Human Development and How to Form Caring Relationships. Children’s Rights & Well-being. Child Research Net. https://www.childresearch.net/papers/rights/2016_02.html
  8. Screen Time and Children. (2025). American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 54. Facts for Families. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families
  9. Ybarra, M., & Mitchell, K. J. (2005). Exposure to Internet Pornography among Children and Adolescents: A National Survey. Cyberpsychology & Behavior, 8(5), 473-486. https://doi.org/10.1089/cpb.2005.8.473

person doom scrolling at night Absorbing the constant stream of startling headlines, news sources, political tensions, and global issues can feel overwhelming some days –– but we often can’t look away. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Most people (83% of adults) today experience stress about the future of the U.S. and news overload. If your mental and overall health are feeling impacted by the modern age’s constant information flow, this guide helps you recognize your doomscrolling habits and protect your well-being.

 

What Is Doomscrolling?

Do you find yourself scrolling through headline after news clip after social post that highlights distressing news, even when you know you’re tired or overwhelmed? Many people make doomscrolling a part of their daily life, but it’s taking a toll on our mental health as a society. Defined as constantly consuming distressing news, “doomscrolling” happens because upsetting news triggers your brain’s tendency to scan for danger and remain hypervigilant, even when your mental health is hurting.

 

You might already have a bad doomscrolling habit and feel its mental effects, but there are ways you can recognize and combat this behavior and better cope with news-related anxiety. As local, national, and global political and cultural landscapes continue to experience tensions and distress, protecting your mental health becomes that much more important.

 

News Overwhelm: The Mental Health Effects of Doomscrolling

Our self-preservation instinct to absorb more and more news is natural, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t unhealthy if left unchecked. Doomscrolling has proven impacts on society’s mental health, and this issue is growing year by year. A recent American Psychiatric Association study found that in 2024, 43% of adults felt more anxious than they did in both 2023 and 2022.

 

After doomscrolling, you probably feel anxious, but you might also experience other negative impacts. The following are just a few examples of ways your body reacts when you constantly consume distressing news on social media, television, and other publications:

 

Staying informed on current events and the news is indeed important, and you might find great value in connecting with others and joining meaningful conversations on social media. Yet, we know that finding the balance between harmful habits and productive change can be challenging. If you are educated on the mental health impacts of scrolling, news coverage myths, and healthy habits for media consumption, you can prevent the negative effects of doomscrolling before they snowball.

Read More: Want to Learn More About the News Cycle and Mental Health? Read Our Guide

 

Myths About News Consumption and Mental Health: What to Know

You might not be able to completely escape the news, but you can be educated on how to absorb information in a productive, healthy way. As you work to stay informed about current events, keep in mind these three common myths about news consumption:

 

 

With these tools, you can balance staying engaged in current events and prioritizing your mental health.

 

Tips for Managing News Anxiety

A stressful news event might affect you differently than it does someone else. Whether it’s wars, high gas prices, changing healthcare regulations, stories of racism and discrimination, or general violence, the news cycle can trigger different responses in different people. When you’re reading and watching news, keep these general guidelines in mind so you can protect your well-being while you stay informed:

 

 

Sometimes, news anxiety and overwhelm can feel especially personal and triggering. If you’re seeking support from someone who understands your unique experiences, identities, and feelings, GoodTherapy has a handful of culturally competent professionals prepared to help you navigate mental health challenges related to intersectional identities.

 

How Therapy Professionals Can Help 

As news and information continue to circulate, you might need the tools to balance being informed with staying mentally healthy. By recognizing the dangers of doomscrolling, keeping general tips in mind, and seeking professional help, you can limit doomscrolling and spend more time making a difference. 

 

GoodTherapy’s trusted, patient-centered therapists are prepared to help you navigate through whatever mental health needs you have, including achieving a doomscrolling detox. Find the right therapist for you through GoodTherapy and know that you are not alone: there is help for you.

 

External Sources:

American Psychological Association 

Harvard Health Publishing

University Hospitals

Forbes

 

GoodTherapy | Love and Social Media

Real Love and Social Media

Are you spending more time on your mobile device than the time you spend actually interacting with your partner or your spouse? Has your relationship taken a bad turn as you make choices between real love and social media? 

If so, you wouldn’t be alone

According to a recent report, 71 percent of individuals say they spend more time on their phones than they spend with their love interests, with 52 percent of individuals spending three or four more hours on their phones than with their partners every day

While smartphones and social media networks might not have had much of an impact on your life 10 years ago, chances are they do today. One study, for example, found that the average American clocks 5.4 hours of screen time on their mobile devices every single day. Further, the top 10 percent of heaviest mobile device users touch their phones nearly 5,500 times throughout the day! 

In large part, this addiction to technology is actually by design; researchers have found that social media networks, for example, are purposely built to keep you glued to the screen

Regardless, your significant other is unlikely to be too thrilled if they constantly see you staring at your screen when they’re trying to have a conversation. Unsurprisingly, research suggests that 43 percent of “heavy tech users” — those who spend between five and eight hours on their phones every day — have experienced relationship troubles, compared to 28 percent of those who are on their phones for less than an hour a day

If you’re spending too much time staring at your screens and your relationships are struggling because of it, the good news is all hope isn’t lost.  

By identifying the bad habits that are harming your relationship, swapping them out with good habits, and talking to a therapist if the problem persists, you can strengthen your relationships and find real love in our social media-driven world.  

Bad Habits with Social Media That Are Ruining Your Relationships 

In order to cut out bad habits from your day-to-day, you first need to identify what they are. If you’re racking up too much screen time when you’re with your partner or spouse, here are some of the habits that are almost certainly driving that behavior. 

‘Phubbing’ 

When you’re hanging out with your significant other and you suddenly decide to pick up your phone — consciously or otherwise — you’re guilty of behavior called “phubbing,” which is a portmanteau that combines phone and snubbing. 

Using your phone at the table 

Whether you’re eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner, meals are the perfect time to catch up with your partner and ask them how their day has been or what plans they have on tap for it. If you pick up your phone during the meal, chances are your loved one won’t be too thrilled. Plus, you’re liable to get all sorts of grease and other junk on your device. Yuck! 

Spying on old lovers and love interests 

Social media enables us to keep tabs on people from afar. In fact, a recent report found that 34 percent of individuals have stalked an ex or current love interest online. If you’re the type of person who’s guilty of this behavior, your partner won’t be too happy with you when they find out. 

Checking social media first thing in the morning and last thing at night 

Are you the type of person who checks social media before you say good morning to your spouse — and who checks it right before bed, too? If so, these habits can cause rifts in your relationship as your mind is elsewhere during the more intimate parts of the day

Of course, this list is by no means exhaustive. But it should give you a good idea of some of the more pervasive smartphone-induced bad habits that pull couples apart. 

What New Screen Time Habits Should You Introduce to Keep Relationships Alive? 

If too much screen time is ruining your relationships, ditch the above bad habits and replace them with some of these more wholesome ones. 

Delete your apps 

When too much screen time is getting in the way of your relationship, there’s an easy fix: delete the apps that are commandeering the bulk of your time. If you don’t have the apps on your phone in the first place, you’re much less likely to spend time on social media when you’re with your partner. 

Be more empathetic 

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: How would you feel if your significant other picked up their phone in the middle of a conversation and started ignoring you? Chances are you wouldn’t be too happy. By trying to see things from your spouse’s perspective, it can become easier to ditch your phone when you’re together since you don’t want to hurt their feelings. 

Put your phone in the other room 

When you’re trying to have some quality alone time with your partner — whether you’re trying to cook a meal, watch some Netflix, or do a puzzle together — an easy way to make sure you don’t fall into the spell of social media is to simply put your phone in another room. When your phone is out of your arms’ reach, you can’t exactly pick it up mid-conversation. 

Get a real alarm clock 

According to a recent report, 83 percent of Americans use their phone as an alarm clock. If that describes you, consider buying an old-school alarm clock and moving your phone away from where you sleep. By doing so, you will eliminate the ability to read your phone first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep. 

Still Struggling with Screen Time? Talk to a Therapist 

Depending on how bad your social media addiction is, ditching your bad habits and developing good ones might not be enough to help you break the cycle.  

If your situation is particularly difficult, you may want to talk to a therapist and try marriage counseling or couples counseling to overcome the social media-induced challenges you’re facing as a couple. The right therapist will be able to help you navigate your problems and figure out a solution that’s amicable to both you and your partner. 

Remember, social media is meant to be addicting. When your real relationships are suffering because of it, it’s time to find a therapist who can help you prioritize important relationships over screen time.

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful for you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today!

Here’s to breaking the cycle and build stronger, more resilient relationships because of it.

Recovery Treatment Centers (RTCs) provide addiction rehab. Use the GoodTherapy RTC Directory to find options for you.
 

Important Notice

GoodTherapy is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.