Remember when we called it the information superhighway? That is what it was, back when the internet first showed up. The deal felt simple: you logged on, looked things up, learned something, and left. Now, the feed can reach past your willpower and into your social media nervous system response before you even realize what happened.

Social media nervous system
Doomscrolling
Vicarious trauma
Attention boundaries

In this blog

	Two different harms, one nervous system
	Why your body reacts to a phone
	What it looks like when it wears you down
	How to change the design, not just the behavior
	Why your own regulation matters
	Frequently asked questions

And then something happened.

The superhighway became a supermarket. Everything is for sale now. The cost is not just money. It can be your emotional energy, your time, your relationships, your sanity, your regulation, and your ability to sit in a quiet room for five minutes without reaching for the glowing rectangle in your pocket.

Let us talk about what happened, why it matters, why it is not your fault, and what it can look like to get your ground back.

Key insight

The problem is not that you are weak. A social media nervous system response often begins because the feed is designed to bypass reflection and keep the body on alert.

Two Different Harms, One Nervous System

When we talk about “media,” we usually mash together two very different things your body has to deal with.

Stream one: the algorithm

Short videos. Edited photos. Stuff designed to make you mad. Comments built to keep your thumb moving. All of it made to get past your willpower and light up dopamine. It is not an accident that stopping feels hard. It was built that way.

Stream two: the suffering

Graphic images of war, violence, political chaos, and people in pain. You did not sign up to witness any of it. Your feed served it up anyway.

There is a clinical name for what can happen when we are exposed to suffering that is not ours over and over: vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress. In a study on media-induced secondary trauma during the COVID-19 pandemic, Lamba et al. (2023) explored how repeated media exposure can affect mental health during collective crises. This used to be something we talked about mostly with therapists, nurses, and first responders. Now, thanks to smartphones, many more people are exposed to other people’s pain again and again.

Both streams, the addictive and the disturbing, move through the same nervous system. That is the part most people miss.

Your Body Does Not Know It Is Just a Phone

Your nervous system was built for real threats. The kind that show up, get handled, and go away. It does not know what TikTok is. It cannot tell the difference between a bear and a shaky video of a bombing. It cannot tell the difference between friends laughing at your joke and bots boosting a stranger’s comment section.

It reacts to what it sees. Every time.

Heart rate up. Chest tight. Breath shallow. Cortisol dumping. That is supposed to happen briefly: burst, resolve, safety. But scrolling breaks that rhythm. Threat, threat, threat. Comparison, comparison, comparison. No resolution. No off switch. No “it is over now.”

Your body may think you are still in the woods with the bear, hours after you put the phone down.

And the research keeps piling up:

• A systematic review and meta-analysis found that problematic social media use is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress in adolescents and young adults (Shannon et al., 2022).
• A meta-analysis linked use of social networking sites with self-reported depressive symptoms, with particular concerns around passive or comparison-based use (Vahedi & Zannella, 2021).
• The World Health Organization reported that problematic social media use among teens rose from 7% in 2018 to 11% in 2022, alongside lower overall well-being (WHO, 2024).
• Excessive screen time has been discussed in relation to changes in brain structure, sleep disruption, attention, and stress regulation (Stanford Lifestyle Medicine, 2024).

So no, it is not just you. It is not only in your head. A social media nervous system response can show up in the body, and it is measurable in sleep, attention, mood, and tension.

A grounded way to think about trauma exposure

If distressing content keeps following you into sleep, relationships, work, or your body, it may help to learn more about how trauma can shape nervous system responses.

What It Looks Like When It Is Wearing You Down

The harm builds slowly. That is why most people do not connect the dots. They just notice something is off.

See if any of this lands:

A quick self-check

• Sleep that does not feel like rest, even when you get eight hours.
• A low hum of worry that eases the second you pick up your phone and comes right back when you put it down.
• Things that used to bring joy feel oddly flat.
• You cannot sit with your own thoughts for more than a minute without reaching for something.
• Cycles of anger and guilt leave you drained.
• Bitterness creeps into places it did not used to live.
• Comparison makes your actual life feel smaller than it is.
• Tension gathers somewhere in your body: jaw, shoulders, stomach, chest.

If a few of those hit, you are not broken. You are a person responding the way a person is supposed to respond to a world you were never built to absorb at this speed.

Change the Design, Not Just the Behavior

Here is the trap. People try to use willpower against apps built to get past willpower.

Guess who wins that fight.

The move is not to try harder. It is to change the design.

Practical reset

A design-first reset

Use these as experiments, not as proof that you are doing mental health correctly.

1	Audit before you adjust. Pull up your screen time. Do not judge it. Just look. Which apps eat the most hours? When do you reach for your phone? What were you feeling right before? This is data, not a confession.
2	Create distance, not deprivation. Deleting an app for 24 hours is worth more than six promises to “scroll less.” Turn off notifications, move social apps off your home screen, and put the phone in another room at night.
3	Set a news perimeter. Pick one time a day to check. Mute keywords that send you spiraling. You can stay informed without being soaked. Caring is not the same as watching.
4	Ground yourself when the damage is already done. The 5-4-3-2-1 exercise works because it pulls your body back to the present, which is the only place safety actually lives.
5	Ask your thoughts a different question. When something from your feed loops in your head, try: Is this a fact, a fear, or a feeling? Naming it does not make it disappear, but it puts a little air between you and it.
6	Move it through your body. Vicarious trauma does not just live in your head. It can live in your muscles, your gut, your jaw. Walk it out. Stretch. Dance to one song. Step outside for ninety seconds.
7	Replace it, do not just remove it. A nervous system running on stimulation will feel weird without it. Plan what fills the gap: text a real friend, read ten pages, sit on your porch. The first few days can feel loud in their quiet. Then it starts to feel like rest.

When self-kindness helps the reset stick

A feed boundary works better when it is not fueled by shame. If your inner critic gets loud, this GoodTherapy article on self-compassion and the inner critic may be a useful companion.

Try this now: 5-4-3-2-1

Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

This does not erase the content you saw. It helps your body locate the present moment, which is the only place safety can register.

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First

There is a reason flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before helping the person next to you. A person who has run out of air cannot help anyone else breathe.

Research on caregivers points to a similar reality. Compassion fatigue and burnout are serious concerns among health care professionals, and ongoing research continues to examine how overexposure to distress and depleted regulation can affect people who care for others (Capobianco dos Santos et al., 2025).

Stepping back from media is not selfish. It is not giving up either. It is what lets you stay connected to the people and causes you love without becoming a casualty of the feed.

Support can make the pattern easier to change

If social media nervous system stress is affecting your sleep, relationships, or sense of safety, you can find a therapist through GoodTherapy and talk through what is happening without shame. If you are unsure where to start, GoodTherapy’s guide to finding the right therapist can help you think through fit.

What Comes Back

People who try this often notice the same thing. The first week is weird. Quieter than expected. Sometimes a little lonely. You may pick up your phone out of habit and put it back down. That is not relapse. That is recalibration.

Then something shifts. Sleep gets deeper. Thoughts come back online. Creativity sneaks in. Conversations go longer. The body settles into a kind of safety it had not felt in a long time.

You do not have to throw your phone in the ocean. You just have to stop letting it think for you. Your attention is one of the most valuable things you have. You are allowed to protect it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about feed stress, body cues, and getting help.

Q: Can social media affect my nervous system? +

A: It can. Social media can expose you to comparison, conflict, rapid novelty, and distressing content in quick succession. Your body may respond with stress signals even when the threat is not physically present.

Q: Is it vicarious trauma if I only saw the content online? +

A: Repeated exposure to others’ pain through media can contribute to secondary stress for some people. That does not mean every distressing post causes trauma, but it does mean your reaction deserves care and context.

Q: How do I stop doomscrolling without relying on willpower? +

A: Change the design first. Move apps, turn off notifications, set a news window, keep the phone out of the bedroom, and plan a replacement activity before you remove the old habit.

Q: When should I talk with a therapist? +

A: Consider therapy if scrolling is affecting sleep, relationships, work, mood, or your sense of safety. A therapist can help you understand what the feed is activating and build steadier ways to respond.

References

	Capobianco dos Santos, C. G., Santos Neto, M. F., Carvalho, S. R. P. V. T., Furlani, M. R., Martins, C. C., Santos, E. R., Menezes, J. D. S., Silva, M. Q., Santos, L. L., Molina, T. C., Castro, N. A. A. S. R., Cristóvão, H., Santos Júnior, R., Brienze, V. M. S., Lima, A. R. A., Fucuta, P. D., Vaz-Oliani, D., Domingos, N. A., Miyazaki, M. C., . . . André, J. C. (2025). Compassion fatigue and burnout among health care professionals: Protocol for a scoping review. JMIR Research Protocols, 14, e66360. https://doi.org/10.2196/66360
	Lamba, N., Khokhlova, O., Bhatia, A., & McHugh, C. (2023). Mental health hygiene during a health crisis: Exploring factors associated with media-induced secondary trauma in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic. Health Psychology Open, 10(2). doi: 10.1177/20551029231199578
	Shannon, H., Bush, K., Villeneuve, P. J., Hellemans, K. G. C., & Guimond, S. (2022). Problematic social media use in adolescents and young adults: Systematic review and meta-analysis. JMIR Mental Health, 9(4), e33450. https://doi.org/10.2196/33450
	Stanford Lifestyle Medicine. (2024). What excessive screen time does to the adult brain.
	Vahedi, Z., & Zannella, L. (2021). The association between self-reported depressive symptoms and the use of social networking sites (SNS): A meta-analysis. Current Psychology, 40(5), 2174-2189. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-019-0150-6
	World Health Organization. (2024). Teens, screens and mental health.

Protecting Your Attention Is Care

If your feed keeps leaving your body on alert, support can help you sort through what is being activated and what needs to change.

Find a Therapist Near You →

About the Author Griffin Oakley MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC Griffin Oakley, MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC, is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, CPTSD, attachment, and identity work. His work focuses on helping adults make sense of overwhelming inner experiences with more steadiness, self-understanding, and practical support. He provides telehealth therapy to adults throughout Florida through Curious Mind Counseling, where he supports clients navigating trauma recovery, nervous system stress, and relationship patterns. View Profile >

The battle between hope questing vs doomscrolling defines our digital age. We’ve all been there. With the best intentions, we head to bed ready for a full eight hours of sleep. We go through our routine, crawl into bed, set the alarm (on our phones, of course), and notice a notification. We click on it “just for a second.” Then suddenly, 20, 30, even 40 minutes later, we’re still scrolling.

The time slipped away and instead of feeling calm, we’re now more anxious. Our feed was filled with war updates, political arguments, misinformation, posts that spark comparison, or reminders that we weren’t included in a friend’s plans. By the time we put the phone down, our minds are buzzing with stress. Sleep will come, but not easily.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. That late-night spiral has a name: doomscrolling. And while it often feels impossible, or worse even wrong, to look away, the toll it takes on our mental and physical health is very real.

But what if there’s another way to stay connected without getting pulled under? That’s where hope questing comes in.

Ready to transform your relationship with social media? Browse our directory of therapists who specialize in anxiety and digital wellness to get personalized support for your mental health journey.

What is Doomscrolling?

Doomscrolling is the compulsive habit of consuming an endless stream of distressing or negative content online. The name says it all, it feels heavy, frightening, and unrelenting.

To be fair, it’s not all bad. Doomscrolling does keep us informed about global and local issues we may not otherwise know about. Much of what we’ve learned about injustices, humanitarian crises, or social movements have come through social media. Doomscrolling can also make us feel less alone by connecting us with others who share our fears, perspectives, or experiences.

But the negatives often outweigh the benefits. Doomscrolling heightens anxiety, stress, anger, and hopelessness. It floods the nervous system with “threat signals,” leaving us stuck in dysregulation. And because social media algorithms are designed to keep us hooked, the cycle becomes self-perpetuating: we scroll to feel informed and in control, yet the more we consume, the more powerless and overwhelmed we feel.

Research from the American Psychological Association highlights the correlation between high social media use and poor mental health among adolescents, while systematic reviews have found that the use of social networking sites is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress.

So, what is Hope Questing?

Hope questing is the intentional act of seeking out uplifting, inspiring, or solution-focused stories, media, and resources. This doesn’t mean pretending the hard stuff isn’t happening or putting on rose-colored glasses. Instead, it’s about choosing to balance our perspective: recognizing that while there are crises, injustices, and suffering, there are also acts of kindness, progress, innovation, and resilience happening every single day and opportunities for you to be a part of them.

Of course, there are risks if hope questing is taken too far. We might run the risk of avoidance – putting our head in the sand and pretending that the bad things aren’t happening around us. We also run the risk of toxic positivity which is truly one of this therapist’s biggest pet peeves in our current culture. Toxic positivity is the belief that people should always maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult, painful, or complicated their circumstances are, or the circumstances of the world may be.

It’s the “just look on the bright side,” “good vibes only,” “Pollyanna,” or “everything happens for a reason” approach that dismisses or minimizes real feelings of sadness, anger, grief, or fear. At its core, toxic positivity suggests that there’s no space for “negative” emotions, and that if you just think positively enough, everything will be fine. While it’s important to find the path toward positivity, toxic positivity leaves no room for the complexity of human experience.

Struggling with social media anxiety? Learn more about how social media affects mental health and discover evidence-based strategies for healthier digital habits.

Healthy hope questing is about balance: allowing space for the hard truths and giving ourselves permission to refill our cup with reminders of joy, progress, and possibility. When we find hope, our optimism increases which in turn boosts our confidence and motivation to take action toward creating change. It also helps us to regulate our nervous systems by reminding us of joy, progress, and possibility. While doomscrolling activates the nervous system, hope questing helps regulate it, reminding us that even in dark times, there are glimmers of light and pathways forward – it can inspire action rather than paralysis.

The Science Behind Hope Questing vs Doomscrolling

Social media platforms are popular venues for sharing personal experiences, seeking information, and offering peer-to-peer support among individuals living with mental illness. However, research shows that teens who felt a lot of pressure to use social media sites experienced more symptoms of depression and anxiety, lower self-esteem, and more difficulty getting quality sleep.

The good news? Studies suggest there’s a “sweet spot” for digital media use. Well-being increases as screen time increases up to a particular point. After that point has been exceeded, well-being starts to decrease. This means that moderate, intentional use of social media can actually benefit our mental health when done mindfully, a key principle in hope questing vs doomscrolling.

Need help setting digital boundaries? Explore our resources on setting healthy boundaries with news and social media to protect your mental well-being.

Practical Strategies: From Doomscrolling to Hope Questing

The internet will always offer us an endless feed of stories. What we choose to consume matters for our mental health, our relationships, and our sense of self agency. Here are some tips for how to help balance knowledge and curate the accounts you follow:

1. Listen to Your Body

Pay attention to your body while you are scrolling – Do you feel tense? Calm? Inspired? Heavy? Happy? Your body tells you whether a feed is nourishing or draining.

2. Curate Trusted Information Sources

Find accounts that you trust for information. Follow accounts that provide accurate, thoughtful information about our country and the world. Quality journalism and fact-based reporting can help you stay informed without the sensationalism.

3. Add Joy and Lightness

Make sure you follow accounts that bring you something fun. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good dog account or one with beautiful photos of places near and far. You can find the accounts that spark joy for you.

4. Seek Inspiration and Growth

Find accounts that uplift you. Identify what will inspire, encourage, expand your perspectives, or excite you. Having your feed filled with things that educate, create diversity, and share creativity might balance out the overwhelming feeling of the information you are taking in.

5. Balance Reality with Hope

Stay informed, but balance news and critical issues with accounts that highlight solutions, resilience, or everyday positivity. This is the core of hope questing – acknowledging challenges while actively seeking stories of progress and possibility.

6. Audit Your Feed Regularly

Consciously think about each account that shows up in your feed. Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you accurate information? Do you feel good when you see their posts? Is it an account of someone you love and shows you the same love back? If the answer is no, think about unfollowing, muting, or snoozing the account.

Ready to take control of your digital habits? If you’re struggling with social anxiety or FOMO, our therapist directory can connect you with professionals who understand the unique challenges of our digital age.

7. Reset Your Algorithms

Consider resetting your algorithms. Each platform gives an option for doing so and sometimes this is just what you do to shift the information you are taking in.

8. Limit Comparison Triggers

It happens to all of us, we follow the influencer with the style we want to emulate, the chef who always puts healthy meals on the table, the parent that has just the right tips to make your child do what you want, or the personal trainer who promises you will look just like them in 6 weeks. We follow these accounts looking for inspiration but instead we find ourselves in the comparison game that often leads to guilt or shame. If certain content or accounts makes you feel “less than,” consider unfollowing or muting.

9. Be Mindful of Your Engagement

Pay attention to the videos and photos you watch, like, and share. That is how your feed is defined by the apps themselves. I know I have gone down some WILD rabbit holes and then suddenly see these things popping up more. Choose to not engage with that content and they will eventually fall away.

10. Set Time Boundaries

Even the most uplifting feed can overwhelm. Use app timers or boundaries to step away and ground yourself offline. After a certain point in the evening, usually an hour or two before bedtime, winding down is your chief order of business. Avoid scrolling on social media during this time to help you fall asleep sooner and get better rest.

11. Regular Check-ins

Your needs change, what inspired you last year might drain you now. Audit your feed every few months to ensure it still serves your mental health goals.

Frequently Asked Questions About Hope Questing vs Doomscrolling

Q: What’s the difference between hope questing and toxic positivity? A: Hope questing acknowledges difficult realities while intentionally seeking balance with positive content. Toxic positivity dismisses negative emotions entirely and insists on maintaining positivity regardless of circumstances. Hope questing creates space for all emotions while actively choosing to include uplifting content in your media diet.

Q: How much social media use is too much for mental health? A: Research suggests limiting social media use to around 2 hours per day for optimal mental health. However, quality matters more than quantity – mindful, intentional use of uplifting content can be beneficial even within reasonable time limits.

Q: Can hope questing help with anxiety and depression? A: While hope questing isn’t a replacement for professional treatment, it can be a helpful coping strategy. By regulating your nervous system through positive content and reducing exposure to distressing material, you may experience reduced anxiety symptoms. However, persistent mental health concerns should be addressed with a qualified therapist.

Q: How do I start hope questing if I’m used to doomscrolling? A: Start small by unfollowing one account that consistently makes you feel worse, and follow one that makes you feel hopeful or inspired. Gradually audit your feeds, use platform algorithms reset options, and be mindful of what content you engage with through likes and shares.

Q: Is it okay to unfollow news accounts completely when practicing hope questing vs doomscrolling? A: You don’t need to eliminate news entirely. Instead, choose 1-2 trusted, quality news sources and balance them with solution-focused journalism that highlights progress and positive developments alongside important current events. Hope questing vs doomscrolling is about balance, not avoidance.

Q: How can I practice hope questing without becoming uninformed? A: Hope questing doesn’t mean ignoring reality. Stay informed through quality sources, but intentionally balance difficult news with stories of human resilience, scientific breakthroughs, community support, and positive change. Set specific times for news consumption rather than constant exposure.

Take Action: Your Journey from Doomscrolling to Hope Questing Starts Now

So, the next time you notice yourself doomscrolling, pause. Ask: What would hope questing look like right now? You might be surprised at how much lighter, steadier, and more capable you feel when you give yourself permission to seek out hope alongside the hard truths and curate your feeds to meet your needs. Remember: You are the curator of your digital environment. Choose content that nourishes your mental health, not just fills your time.

The transformation from doomscrolling to hope questing isn’t about perfection, it’s about intention. It’s about recognizing that in a world full of challenges, we can choose to also amplify stories of resilience, innovation, and human kindness. This doesn’t diminish the real problems we face; instead, it provides the emotional resources we need to engage with them constructively.

Ready to transform your digital wellness journey? Connect with a mental health professional who can provide personalized strategies for managing social media anxiety and building healthier digital habits. Your mental health deserves the same care and attention you give to your physical health.

External Resources for Digital Wellness

For additional evidence-based information on social media and mental health, explore:

• National Institute of Mental Health’s research on social media and adolescent mental health
• American Academy of Pediatrics media guidelines for families

Social media has undoubtedly changed the way we connect, communicate, and engage with the world. It has transformed from a tool for sharing vacation photos to an all-encompassing platform where we manage relationships, create content, and connect with others. However, as much as social media has become an essential part of our daily lives, it has also brought new mental health challenges. These issues primarily stem from two factors: social media’s addictive nature and its ability to fuel social division (DeAndrea et al., 2012; Pantic, 2014). 

A New Era of Connection: From MySpace to Today

Social media began with the goal of bringing people together. Early platforms like MySpace allowed users to curate pages with wallpapers, music, and a top eight friends list. This enabled public expressions of our personalities, likes, dislikes, and connections. Fast forward to today, social media has become an even greater force in our lives. Whether sharing a reel or posting updates, its core functions—connection, self-expression, and relationship building—remain unchanged. With nearly everyone using these platforms, their massive reach is undeniable. However, this influence has led to rising mental health concerns, primarily due to social media’s addictive nature and its role in creating social division (DeAndrea et al., 2012; Pantic, 2014). 

The Addictive Nature of Social Media: A Feedback Loop

One of the most significant ways social media affects our mental health is through its addictive qualities. Just like a substance addiction, social media can trigger a dopamine feedback loop that encourages compulsive use (Pantic, 2014). Dopamine, often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, is released when we experience pleasure or anticipate a reward. Social media platforms are designed to trigger dopamine production by providing users with content that engages them (Pantic, 2014). When we receive likes, comments, or new notifications, our brains get a burst of dopamine, creating a sense of satisfaction. This mechanism drives us to keep scrolling, seeking more rewards, and in turn, we can become addicted to the constant stream of content. Social media algorithms are tailored to show us content we are likely to engage with, which keeps us hooked (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017). This content is often designed to trigger an emotional response—be it humor, surprise, anger, or awe. The more time we spend on these platforms, the more content we are exposed to, and the more our brains crave that next dopamine hit. This cycle of “doom scrolling” can quickly become a habit, just like any other addictive behavior, and it’s one that’s hard to break. This endless cycle of content consumption is also driven by businesses that use these platforms to market their products. Companies have learned that engaging content keeps users on the platform longer, so they invest in creating compelling, attention-grabbing content to sell their products. Similarly, individuals looking to build an online following, such as influencers, also create engaging content to attract likes and shares. The result is a constant feed of captivating posts, videos, and advertisements that activate our brain’s reward system, reinforcing the habit of staying glued to our screens (Pantic, 2014; Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017). 

Social Media and Social Division: The Dangers of Echo Chambers

While social media can connect us with others, it also has a dark side—it can fuel social division. One of the core features of social media is the ability to share perspectives, opinions, and ideas. But as perspectives clash, they create tension and division. The diversity of opinions on platforms like Twitter or Instagram, where anyone can voice their thoughts, often leads to polarized debates (Pantic, 2014). This is especially true when celebrities, politicians, or public figures share their views—there is always a counterargument or group of people who disagree. On social media, these disagreements don’t remain contained between two individuals. Instead, they have the potential to go viral. The comment section of a post can quickly turn into a battleground of conflicting opinions, with each side trying to convince the other of their truth. This division is exacerbated by the algorithmic design of social media, which reinforces the exposure to ideas that align with our pre-existing beliefs (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017). When we engage with certain types of content, the platform learns what interests us and continues to show us similar content, creating an echo chamber. This reinforces our biases and makes us less likely to see diverse perspectives. As tribal creatures, we tend to gravitate toward groups that share our values and beliefs. These virtual tribes then reinforce our perspectives, making it even more difficult to have a balanced, civil discussion. This can lead to a breakdown in empathy and understanding, turning social media into a platform for ideological wars rather than meaningful dialogue (Pantic, 2014). 

How to Combat the Negative Effects of Social Media

So, what can we do to prevent these mental health issues caused by social media’s addictive and divisive nature? The first step is awareness. Understanding how these platforms work and how they affect our brains is essential for making conscious decisions about our usage (Pantic, 2014). 

1. Set Boundaries and Limit Screen Time: One of the most effective ways to curb the addictive nature of social media is to set strict boundaries. This can include using built-in tools on your phone or apps that track and limit your screen time. For example, Instagram and Facebook allow you to set daily time limits, which can help you be more mindful of how much time you’re spending on these platforms. 

1. Curate Your Feed: To combat social division, it’s important to diversify your feed. Follow accounts with different perspectives, and engage with content that challenges your viewpoints. This can help you develop a more balanced and open-minded approach to the information you consume. 

1. Take Social Media Breaks: Regularly stepping away from social media can help reset your brain’s reward system and reduce the feelings of anxiety or comparison that often accompany overuse. Consider taking a digital detox for a weekend or a week to help reset your relationship with social media. 

1. Be Mindful of Your Mental Health: Pay attention to how you feel after using social media. If you notice unsettling feelings, take a break and check in with your mental health. It may be helpful to practice mindfulness or engage in self-care activities to manage emotions. 

Final Thoughts

Social media is a powerful tool that can help us connect with others and express ourselves. However, its addictive nature and tendency to fuel division can have significant consequences for our mental health (Pantic, 2014; Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017). By setting boundaries, diversifying our feeds, and practicing empathy, we can use social media in a way that promotes well-being rather than detracts from it. 

References 

DeAndrea, D. C., et al. (2012). Reputation, relationships, and social networks: A study of the relationships between social media and well-being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(3), 456–475. 

Pantic, I. (2014). Online social networking and mental health. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 17(10), 652–657. 

Przybylski, A. K., & Weinstein, N. (2017). Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(1), 39–56. 

“Unwrapping presents of the past” 

How dealing with your unresolved issues can help you with your dating life  and the  comparison Invited by social media   

When my grandmother was growing up, she didn’t know  (unless she asked) what her next-door neighbor had for breakfast, or where the next-door neighbor went for vacation. Her life was simple and, therefore, in some ways less stressful. Back in the day, my grandmother would compare herself with those around her, people she actually knew and saw on a daily basis. In today’s world, we can compare ourselves to a variety of people from all over the world, this can be an extremely overwhelming experience. In the era of “ reels” and “ Tik-Tok” videos, it has become almost impossible to differentiate between what is a display of a real moment versus a pre-planned  “ content creation”  moment.   

Technology has made our lives easier in many aspects. We are able to order food and clothing online without having to stand in line. We are able to quickly obtain information about a variety of topics. Social media has allowed us to connect with millions of people from all over the world.  As a result, we are living more complex and perhaps culturally attuned lives. However, social media has also invited comparison and envy into our daily lives. The magnitude of comparison has greatly increased and impacted some of our expectations regarding romantic relationships. 

Depending on the season, we can find content on social media that can increase our anxiety and sense of dissatisfaction in regard to our relationship status.  Valentine’s
Day, and engagement photos are often the most emotionally charged posts to digest for many of us. Couples often only post their happiest moments and rarely show what goes on “behind the scenes.  

 The fantasy of “finding the one” continues to be a struggle for many folks. Dating websites have created a space in which many individuals including young professionals can connect and attempt to find “love.” Yet, so many continue to struggle with finding the “right” person.  So many individuals are even ditching dating applications. I often wonder how much of the difficulty with finding the “ right” partner is truly about a lack of a decent dating pool.  Could it be that the real struggle of finding the “right” partner is about our own confusion around what we are truly looking for?  

Throughout the years of being a clinician, I have found that the following questions can serve as a guide, assisting folks with the process of dating.   

1. What are my intentions for wanting to date at this time?  

Being honest with yourself can save you a great amount of time and energy. Most importantly, being honest with yourself can provide you with more clarity and may decrease your anxiety.   Our motives for dating change with our life experiences and are sometimes even impacted by our age. Before going on a date, or even starting to look for a potential partner, ask yourself what are my intentions? Am I wanting to date for the sake of dating? Am I being pressured by societal and cultural norms? Do I feel that I am being pressured by friends and family?  Am I scrolling up and down on social media with comparison sitting on my shoulders and feeling as though “I am behind?”  Ask yourself what does it mean to be “ behind in life ?” Have you placed yourself on some sort of timeline?  What are your short-term and long-term goals?  How will finding a partner at this particular time impact your life?   

TIP: Creating a pros and cons list is an extremely simple and helpful tool. List all the pros and cons of being single and being in a relationship.    

2. What does love mean to me?  

There is a big difference between love and lack of emotional responsibility. In other words, love will not provide you with a “get out of jail free card.”   Even if you marry someone, or spend a great amount of time with them, you will still have to face life on life’s terms. Your partner will be there to hold your hand, but at the end of the day, you have to face your own challenges.  Searching for love is different than searching for a hero. If you think about it, a hero saves those who are helpless. Why would you want to appear to be helpless? What is so attractive about being helpless? Isn’t love about two equals becoming partners?  

TIP: One helpful tool is thinking about the meaning of love in your family or origin. What did it mean to love someone? 

3. Am I ready to be truly intimate with someone? 

The real question is, are you ready to be intimate with yourself? Intimacy goes beyond getting naked and having sex.  Intimacy is the ability to be yourself. We all have areas in our lives that need improvement. The goal is to be willing to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and learn to accept yourself for who you are. No one is perfect, and you need to remind yourself of that. If you accept yourself fully, you will be able to present yourself more authentically to others and your romantic partner. If you hide from yourself, you will attract a different group of people and romantic partners.  

TIP: One helpful tool is creating a list of your personal favorite qualities. Create a separate list of qualities that you would like to improve. Gaining insight about yourself may decrease anxiety and provide you with more clarity as to what you are looking for in a partner. 

4. What are my “personal gifts from the past” that are occupying my suitcase? 

Think of a suitcase that is filled up with all your past experiences and is continuing to be filled up with new experiences. We all have these suitcases, some of us have a few and others have more. I like to refer to “unresolved issues of the past” as “gifts from the past.” Each gift represents what you need to focus on next, in order to grow and heal emotionally.  Often, our gifts from the past have a common theme and are triggered by an interaction or even a thought. Our job is to start identifying our feelings and thoughts and becoming aware of our reactions. If our reaction to a situation is out of proportion, it may be a sign that a gift from the past is being triggered. Our job is to be kind and gentle with ourselves as we start to unwrap our gifts from the past. Being aware of your gifts from the past can help you maintain your relationships with others, especially your romantic relationships. By increasing your insight through self-reflection, you can become emotionally responsible in your relationships. A healthy partner will support you as you navigate your way through your suitcase, but they will not unwrap your gifts for you.  

TIP: One helpful tool for self-reflection is obtaining a daily journal. Journaling will allow you to turn inwards and get in touch with your raw and unfiltered feelings.  

5. What are my partner’s “gifts from the past”?  

We all have a past and the past impacts us. Some people are very insightful about their “gifts from the past” and are able to take responsibility for their emotions. These individuals are often aware of how their “unresolved” issues impact them today. They will want your support, but they will not assign you to “police them.” Your support will be appreciated, but the “heavy lifting” will be done mainly by your partner. On the other hand, there are individuals who are not aware of their “unresolved issues.” These individuals may not be willing to accept emotional responsibility and either not want to work on issues of their past, or they may want YOU to work through their issues for them. I would imagine that dating a person who lacks insight pertaining to their past or is not interested in improving themselves, may be challenging. The bottom line is that everyone has a suitcase from the past.  You may want to ask yourself if you will be OK with the “gifts” of your partner’s past? What are your deal breakers and what are you willing to HELP unwrap?  

 TIP: One helpful tip may be asking your partner how you can support them while they unwrap their presents.  

Real Love and Social Media

Are you spending more time on your mobile device than the time you spend actually interacting with your partner or your spouse? Has your relationship taken a bad turn as you make choices between real love and social media? 

If so, you wouldn’t be alone

According to a recent report, 71 percent of individuals say they spend more time on their phones than they spend with their love interests, with 52 percent of individuals spending three or four more hours on their phones than with their partners every day

While smartphones and social media networks might not have had much of an impact on your life 10 years ago, chances are they do today. One study, for example, found that the average American clocks 5.4 hours of screen time on their mobile devices every single day. Further, the top 10 percent of heaviest mobile device users touch their phones nearly 5,500 times throughout the day! 

In large part, this addiction to technology is actually by design; researchers have found that social media networks, for example, are purposely built to keep you glued to the screen

Regardless, your significant other is unlikely to be too thrilled if they constantly see you staring at your screen when they’re trying to have a conversation. Unsurprisingly, research suggests that 43 percent of “heavy tech users” — those who spend between five and eight hours on their phones every day — have experienced relationship troubles, compared to 28 percent of those who are on their phones for less than an hour a day

If you’re spending too much time staring at your screens and your relationships are struggling because of it, the good news is all hope isn’t lost.  

By identifying the bad habits that are harming your relationship, swapping them out with good habits, and talking to a therapist if the problem persists, you can strengthen your relationships and find real love in our social media-driven world.  

Bad Habits with Social Media That Are Ruining Your Relationships 

In order to cut out bad habits from your day-to-day, you first need to identify what they are. If you’re racking up too much screen time when you’re with your partner or spouse, here are some of the habits that are almost certainly driving that behavior. 

‘Phubbing’ 

When you’re hanging out with your significant other and you suddenly decide to pick up your phone — consciously or otherwise — you’re guilty of behavior called “phubbing,” which is a portmanteau that combines phone and snubbing. 

Using your phone at the table 

Whether you’re eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner, meals are the perfect time to catch up with your partner and ask them how their day has been or what plans they have on tap for it. If you pick up your phone during the meal, chances are your loved one won’t be too thrilled. Plus, you’re liable to get all sorts of grease and other junk on your device. Yuck! 

Spying on old lovers and love interests 

Social media enables us to keep tabs on people from afar. In fact, a recent report found that 34 percent of individuals have stalked an ex or current love interest online. If you’re the type of person who’s guilty of this behavior, your partner won’t be too happy with you when they find out. 

Checking social media first thing in the morning and last thing at night 

Are you the type of person who checks social media before you say good morning to your spouse — and who checks it right before bed, too? If so, these habits can cause rifts in your relationship as your mind is elsewhere during the more intimate parts of the day

Of course, this list is by no means exhaustive. But it should give you a good idea of some of the more pervasive smartphone-induced bad habits that pull couples apart. 

What New Screen Time Habits Should You Introduce to Keep Relationships Alive? 

If too much screen time is ruining your relationships, ditch the above bad habits and replace them with some of these more wholesome ones. 

Delete your apps 

When too much screen time is getting in the way of your relationship, there’s an easy fix: delete the apps that are commandeering the bulk of your time. If you don’t have the apps on your phone in the first place, you’re much less likely to spend time on social media when you’re with your partner. 

Be more empathetic 

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: How would you feel if your significant other picked up their phone in the middle of a conversation and started ignoring you? Chances are you wouldn’t be too happy. By trying to see things from your spouse’s perspective, it can become easier to ditch your phone when you’re together since you don’t want to hurt their feelings. 

Put your phone in the other room 

When you’re trying to have some quality alone time with your partner — whether you’re trying to cook a meal, watch some Netflix, or do a puzzle together — an easy way to make sure you don’t fall into the spell of social media is to simply put your phone in another room. When your phone is out of your arms’ reach, you can’t exactly pick it up mid-conversation. 

Get a real alarm clock 

According to a recent report, 83 percent of Americans use their phone as an alarm clock. If that describes you, consider buying an old-school alarm clock and moving your phone away from where you sleep. By doing so, you will eliminate the ability to read your phone first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep. 

Still Struggling with Screen Time? Talk to a Therapist 

Depending on how bad your social media addiction is, ditching your bad habits and developing good ones might not be enough to help you break the cycle.  

If your situation is particularly difficult, you may want to talk to a therapist and try marriage counseling or couples counseling to overcome the social media-induced challenges you’re facing as a couple. The right therapist will be able to help you navigate your problems and figure out a solution that’s amicable to both you and your partner. 

Remember, social media is meant to be addicting. When your real relationships are suffering because of it, it’s time to find a therapist who can help you prioritize important relationships over screen time.

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful for you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today!

Here’s to breaking the cycle and build stronger, more resilient relationships because of it.

Recovery Treatment Centers (RTCs) provide addiction rehab. Use the GoodTherapy RTC Directory to find options for you.
 

Social media is nearly impossible for parents to avoid. Alarming stories of cyberbullying, suicides following social media abuse, and catfishing may tempt parents to forbid their children from using it.

Yet social media also offers some benefits. It can connect kids to peers and provide an outlet for exploring new identities. It may even offer support for people with depression.

New Technology, New Challenges: Social Media and Kids

Kids spend more time in front of screens than ever before. A 2007 study of children ages 0-6 found that 75% of kids watch TV each day, for an average of an hour and 20 minutes. Twenty-seven percent of 5- to 6-year olds used a computer each day. Research published in 2018 found that 90% of kids ages 13-17 have used social media. Seventy-five percent have at least one active profile. Fifty-one percent say they use social media daily.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting screen time for toddlers and preschoolers. They suggest parents avoid digital media altogether for children under 18 months. Also recommended is that each family develop a “family media plan.” This can help outline how the family plans to use digital media.

The AAP emphasizes it’s important for children to have plenty of time for physical play and creative learning. They also remind us that screen time can be beneficial when correctly used. [fat_widget_right]

How Social Media Can Affect Kids’ Mental Health

Social media use presents a number of dangers, including:

• Internet addiction
• Cyberbullying, which affects nearly 1 in 4 children
• Sexual harassment
• Low self-esteem. This may occur when children are teased or bullied. It may also crop up when they negatively compare themselves to people they follow online.
• Privacy concerns
• Cyberstalking
• Avoiding in-person social interaction
• Spending less time playing, exercising, or reading offline
• Pressure to conform

Not all social media use is harmful. Social media can also:

• Help children connect with friends and relatives
• Offer support to children with alternative identities
• Provide support for mental health issues such as depression and anxiety
• Help children feel less isolated
• Encourage self-expression
• Support learning about other people and cultures

Tips for Managing Child Social Media Use

Therapists often help families better understand and safely use social media. Some expert strategies that may help include:

Lead by example.

Barrie Sueskind, MA, MFT acknowledges that social media allows children to stay connected with peers. But social media may amplify the “Fear of Missing Out,” or FOMO, for kids and teens. “There is always someone whose life looks better on social media. It’s easy to feel inferior by comparison,” says Sueskind. “Remind your kids that social media is about image, which is superficial in comparison to real world interactions and meaningful relationships. Make sure you set aside tech-free time to connect as a family. Establish a rule that meals are device-free and follow it yourself. If you can’t tear yourself away from your phone, you can’t expect your kids to willingly part with theirs. Teach your kids by example the value of being present with the people around them.”

Set limits and educate.

Katelyn Alcamo, LCMFT suggests that delaying access to having a smartphone until teen years is a good start. Children who are younger may not be developed or mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with owning a smartphone. If parents are concerned about safety, Alcamo suggests providing a basic phone that can be used for making calls.

• Educate: “No matter how hard parents try, kids will find a way to access things like Instagram and Snapchat,” Alcamo says. “One of the most important things is to teach your kids healthy technology habits. Teach them about the importance of privacy settings and not sharing too much personal information online. Teach them what to do if they are being cyberbullied or see a peer being cyberbullied. Let them know it is important and safe that they come to you when they don’t know how to handle a situation online or come across something they were not supposed to.”
• Set limits: Alcamo acknowledges it can be easy for kids and adults to become engrossed with tech devices for long hours. She suggests addressing this by setting limits on how long kids can be on a device. “I also recommend a technology curfew for kids. This means all devices should be stored with the parents after a certain time of night. This is the time when most kids get into trouble with their social media use, as it is often unsupervised. There is no one available to support them if something negative happens,” she says.

Being curious, opening up respectful conversations, and using digital media as a platform to better understand your child is every bit as important as setting limits and being vigilant.

Alcamo recommends keeping tech devices in communal areas. This way, parents can observe what is going on and check in with their children. But if you notice something concerning, your response is important. “Don’t approach them punitively, but explore their feelings about what happened. Help them determine better choices for the future,” says Alcamo.

Be curious.

Lois V. Nightingale, PhD points out an opportunity parents often miss when setting rules for computer activities, like social media and video games: asking their kids what they like about their favorite online activity. Do they enjoy inspiring others who may have a similar challenge or interest? Or are they just trying to get as many followers as possible?

“Being curious, opening up respectful conversations, and using digital media as a platform to better understand your child is every bit as important as setting limits and being vigilant,” says Nightingale.

Spend time with your kids.

Monica Lake, PsyD, NCSP says strong relationships help children and parents communicate about social media. They allow parents to better understand their children’s use of social media.

“Parents must have a strong bond with their children. Doing fun things together like playing board games, taking silly pictures, remodeling a room, and volunteering can enhance this bond. It also increases the time parents and children spend together. These activities give parents more insight on their child’s social media beliefs and behaviors. Parents can also model good decision-making during these activities by guiding children through their thought process. For example, a simple statement such as, ‘Nice move. What made you think of that?’ can help children think about their own behaviors and promote good decision-making in the future,” Lake suggests.

Follow your children on social media.

Angela Avery, MA, LLPC, NCC says, “The advice I most often give parents about social media is to follow their children on each social media platform so they can stay informed on what their children are posting and liking. What children and teens ‘like’ can and should be discussed.”

“For example, ‘I see that you liked Kylie Kardashian’s post. What do you like about it?’ This allows for conversation on influential topics that shape culture today, which you may or may not want your children to value. By discussing topics related to the posts, you plant seeds of broader thinking on a topic. ‘I saw that your friend posted a picture wearing a bikini. I wonder what her motivation was.’ In addition, parents have the duty to monitor social media accounts for safety and security purposes. It’s always appropriate to discuss what and what not to post.”

Understand Why Children Use Social Media and What It Offers

Social media is merely a platform. It is neither good nor bad. Talking openly with children about why they use social media and what they feel they gain from its use can foster good communication. Parents should also learn as much as they can about social media—both benefits and risks. This knowledge empowers parents to understand new technology. It can help them make informed decisions about how their children can most effectively use it.

If you are concerned about how your children use social media, seek help from a therapist or other expert. Family therapy can support parents and children to set mutually agreed-to boundaries. Therapists often help families work through social media disputes and find healthy ways to engage with this emerging media.

“I have no friends,” said a recent high school sophomore during an emotional therapy session. She’s not alone—I hear it daily working with adolescent girls. As adults, we often scoff and wonder how this could be. But the truth is, teenagers today feel isolated and more alone than ever. Even in the age of social media, with constant digital connection, lack of deep friendships is creating a secluded void.

While everyone feels lonely from time to time, the number of teenagers who tell me they feel friendless is unnerving. When I probe deeper and ask why they feel this way, and how it happened, similar patterns emerge across the board.

• It starts to unravel in middle school, after successfully navigating friendships in elementary school.
• The unraveling tends to start with a friendship conflict. Sometimes it’s a jealousy situation, sometimes it involves peer pressure or fear, and sometimes it’s a popularity contest.
• Teens feel shunned by former friends, and they can’t seem to get the relationship back on track.
• Teens have a hard time making new friends because they are not sure who is trustworthy.
• Teens feel like social media are a blessing and a curse.
• Teens feel isolated, vulnerable, and alone.

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As adults, we are often quick to think, “Just go make a friend.” Today, it isn’t that easy. There are social media platforms to navigate, reputations to discern, disconnections to hurdle. It can feel overwhelming to start. Whether accurate or not, any perceived challenge can make a teen more likely to not reach out to someone as a friend. For instance, it’s a common perception among teens to view themselves as unlikable. “She doesn’t like me, she never even looks at me in the hallway,” I hear often.

Even in the age of constant virtual connectedness, we live with personal and intimate disconnectedness. Teens can have “friends” on Facebook but often feel left out when others are having fun on Saturday night and they weren’t invited. Classmates may comment on a teen’s Instagram photo but forget to invite them to join a movie night.

Teenage years are hard enough without the extra challenge of feeling friendless.

Social media also provide an inherent friendship killer—competition. That’s what social media are often used for—showing off, looking cool, and stirring envy. Taking a selfie is often work for teens. They may feel the need to look their best from every angle, and it often takes a few tries to get it “right.” When the end result turns out to be a fabulous photo, social media followers may forget that the person in the photo can also have zits, a broken heart, and family conflict.

How can teens learn to have healthy friendships in this competitive, disconnected culture we live in? Here are 10 suggestions you can give your teen:

1. Some people are popular only because everyone is afraid of them. That is no way to have friends; that’s a dictatorship! Look around at the people who are friendly, but not super popular—that’s where you’re likely to find the people who stay out of drama.
2. Understand that there can be levels of friends. You can have a class friend, a tennis friend, and a best friend. They are all important to your well-being!
3. You can’t always find friendship in your phone. Look up and outward. Put your phone away and connect in person. Start with a friendly smile and work up from there to a kind “hello.”
4. Have an acquaintance whom you like? Take a risk and ask them to do something with you. Go to Starbucks, see a movie, do a project. Even if you are scared, ask. Taking risks and asking often deepens relationships.
5. Try a new activity. If you are an artist, join Art Club! That is where your kind of people are probably hanging out.
6. Don’t be so quick to assume that everyone dislikes you. What do they know about you? Do you walk through the halls with your head down and a distressed look on your face? You could be inadvertently sending an inaccurate impression visually. Maybe lighten up a bit, walk to class with a friendly face, and take a chance by smiling at someone. See what happens as an experiment.
7. Look for evidence. Are you sure that person “hates” you? What are the facts? Feelings are not facts—we need to look for actual evidence to support your feelings. Maybe you’ll find you didn’t have all the facts and misread a situation.
8. Learn social skills. Find safe topics that everyone likes to talk about such as food, animals, weather, television shows, and holidays. Ask questions, don’t give one-word answers, and be polite. Learn the art of interviewing – it’s essential to get to know someone!
9. Be vulnerable. Tell someone something about yourself. Start with a small detail that you don’t care if people know and grow it from there.
10. Assume people are good and want to have a friend. Almost everyone wants to be connected.

Teenage years are hard enough without the extra challenge of feeling friendless. Understanding the impact of social media, lack of personal togetherness, and the absence of trust can help adults guide teenagers through the vulnerable emotions of friendship making.

Over the past half decade, Kati Morton, LMFT has used social media to discuss mental health-related subjects with viewers from throughout the world. Eating issues and self-harm are often the primary focus, but her conversations cover a wide range of mental health topics.

Kati received her master’s in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University. She is also a certified dialectical and behavioral therapist and grief counselor, member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and continuing education presenter at GoodTherapy.org. In her upcoming web conference, Self-Injury: Assessment, Comorbidity, and Treatment, Kati will discuss the stigma surrounding mental health and self-harm.

On YouTube, Kati is known for her channel, which has over 220,000 subscribers. Kati has also gained followers on Twitter, Facebook, and her website. She has been featured in Glamour UK and appeared on the HLN/CNN show Dr. Drew On Call. In addition, Kati was a Shorty Award finalist in 2016 and nominated for the 2016 Streamy Awards.

By bringing awareness to mental health issues, Kati hopes to separate stigma from seeking therapy and promote better mental health services worldwide. In an exclusive interview with GoodTherapy.org, Kati discusses her global online community and shares her thoughts on how to make mental health more relatable and accessible.

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What led you to start your YouTube channel, and can you describe how that process went for you?

It was actually my husband who wanted to start it. Because he does film production for a living, he’d gone to a conference in a convention where he was filming, and they talked about YouTube, and he was obviously listening as he was filming. He came home and was like, “You always talk about how people don’t understand what you do—we should tell people on YouTube. I’ll help you film, let’s put it out there.” And I was like, “No, I don’t want to be on camera.” Then a few months later I was like, “Okay, let’s just give it a try with a couple of videos.” And that’s how it started.

What inspired you to center some of your discussion on the topics of eating issues and self-harm?

It’s what I know best, you know? My first internship was with an eating disorder treatment center, inpatient, and it wasn’t something I thought I would want to work in. I had some close friends in high school go through eating disorder struggles. But I found it to be so rewarding, and for people who don’t know, there’s a huge comorbidity between eating disorders and self-injury. A lot of times, people will swap one out for the other or struggle with both simultaneously. I just started because it was one of the jobs I got, and it’s tough work but so worth it.

How did your experiences in inpatient and outpatient treatment facilities influence your life and career path?

Career path-wise, that’s what I specialize in. I decided to continue working in that realm. I think as a whole, if you decide to specialize, it changes the trajectory of your career in many ways. I think working in an inpatient ward, hospitals, as well as actual treatment centers really made me want to continue. And seeing when people are at their lowest point, that’s the highest level of care, and knowing it can get better from there gave me hope to do it on an outpatient basis. I worked at IOPs [intensive outpatient programs] and PHPs [partial hospitalization programs] as well, and seeing people work through it gave me hope for not only myself but for others. And it’s always kept me going.

How has your approach to creating content evolved as your online and social media presence continues growing?

There’s a couple of main things. Obviously, not everybody’s comfortable on camera. So the first videos are super awkward and uncomfortable, and you can definitely see, as I get more used to being in front of the camera, more personality, versus me being very clinical and dry and awkward. Also, I’m more casual in general. I found as the channel grew, people had more questions about what therapists think, which I always find to be interesting. I’m in therapy myself, and there are some times when I’m like, “I wonder if she just thinks I’m totally crazy, that I think that or I wonder about that.” Because it’s the human condition. We seek connectivity and understanding, and it goes both ways.

And also, something I’ve shifted over the years is I’m not able to answer every question or comment. But when I started, I was able to do it. I think it was after the first year I remember telling my husband, “I can’t do this. I’m totally burnt.” I think it’s finding what works and how it’s sustainable for me. And content creation has shifted as to what people ask for, because it’s all community-based.

How have your successes affected your private practice? Do the people you see in therapy react to your status as a public figure?

I’ve only had it a couple of times. I’m very leery of taking any viewers on as patients. So right now, I only take new patients in from my referral sources, like a psychiatrist I’ve worked through for years and other clinics that I already know. I did have [one] client. He had taken a break, and I already had my channel but it was only a year or two old, so when he came back for a few months, he was like, “Congratulations, you’re famous and stuff!” And I said, “Oh, does that bother you?” or “What are your thoughts on that?” And he was like, “No, that’s awesome, that’s cool! It’s a great resource. I watched your video about GAD [generalized anxiety] and I found it super helpful.” And I was like, “Oh, okay, cool.” And that’s about it. I do utilize it sometimes, especially for psychoeducation. If they have a new diagnosis and we’ve talked about it, I’ll say, “You can watch this video if you want to know more.”

What role do you want your content and videos to play in reducing the stigma surrounding mental health issues and seeking therapy?

I do get some pushback from the therapy world, from other therapists who are like, “You should take this more seriously.” And no offense to them, but I think that’s the old way of thinking. I think being a therapist and making it more approachable only does good. Just like anybody, I’m not going to be the person everybody likes, and that’s fine. So my main goal is to make it accessible so it’s not so scary. I think the stigma lingers because of fear, as well as ignorance. So by educating and making it more relatable and approachable, hopefully [like] I told my husband, “If even one person decides to get help because of this, it’s all worth it.”

I always encourage my audience to share in the comments, because that also empowers people to reach out and reminds people we’re all suffering from the human condition. We all have issues from time to time, and that’s not a bad thing.

How do you think the prevalence of the internet has impacted our ability to understand and process our own mental health and mental health issues?

It’s got positives and negatives, like anything. I think when it comes to the online world, the anonymity there is really powerful for people. People are able to talk about things they might not be able to face to face online because it’s a little safer. If I’m Trixiegirl57, I can tell you that I struggled with suicidal thoughts when I was a teen and not feel vulnerable [as] me telling you face to face.

I also think the ability to disseminate information is really powerful. Even in the video content I create, I always encourage my audience to share in the comments, because that also empowers people to reach out and reminds people we’re all suffering from the human condition. We all have issues from time to time, and that’s not a bad thing. So overall, the internet and online resources have only made things more accessible.

Some use the internet to express volatility and negativity. How do you maintain the online community you’ve developed as a safe place for healing and growth?

It’s the way I communicate it to them. I don’t know when I freed myself from approving all comments. I used to [have] long lists of words that aren’t approved. I’ve always approved everything, and because I did that, it kept [the words] out and I would let them know that’s why. I was like, “Don’t think this happened by accident, I put a lot of effort into this and you should too.” And so part of it is, instead of it being just me, it’s a whole community. When I decided to let that go, I asked people in the community, “Who wants to be moderators?” And people automatically signed up. It’s like co-ownership over the community. Because overall, everyone is going to want it to be a safe and nice place. If you give them the option and you empower them, they’ll do a good job.

Mental Health America’s State of Mental Health Report 2018 was recently released. It included data indicating that rates of severe youth depression have increased over a five-year period and that 1.5 million youth experiencing major depression did not receive any mental health treatment. As a society, what can we do to combat these trends?

Talk about it. I speak at schools, and I’ve been trying to get someone to help me with it. So I heard back from an agency, and they said, “You know there’s no money in mental health, people don’t really want to hear about it.” And I mean, thanks for your candor. But I think that’s a problem.

The more we talk about it and tell children and people of any age that it’s normal to have a hard time and to have these ebbs and flows, this is when you need to talk to someone. That’s just basic knowledge people should have and we don’t teach that in schools. We don’t talk to kids about mental health. I feel like there are certain things we should teach kids, and the more we talk about it, the less we’ll see those numbers because they’re more apt to talk to someone or reach out if they know it’s okay and that there are resources. I get a ton of comments asking, “How do I know if I have a school counselor?” I’m like, “How do you not know? Somebody should have told you!”

I think that some of that is on us as adults, to change the way that we educate and talk about it. Even if you don’t have all the answers, it’s still okay to tell a child or a teenager, “It’s okay to talk about it. I don’t know what necessarily this means, but we can find someone who does. And that’s okay too.” Shutting down or telling them it’s not a big deal is the wrong thing, and a lot of parents don’t know how to handle it. And there’s more pressure on kids. I mean just having social media, can you imagine? Having social media when you’re a teenager? Holy moly.

You have shared that seeking therapy for yourself is an important part of your self-care regimen. How would you describe the importance of therapy to someone who is considering it?

Seeking therapy for myself has been a huge part of taking care of myself, and I honestly believe all therapists should. You need to know what it’s like to be on the other side of it. [With] the therapeutic relationship, it’s almost like the way people describe knowing you want to date or marry someone. It sounds so cliché, but therapy is the same. I always tell people, you need to know you like them enough to tell them some big things at some point. And you feel like they’re on your team and they really hear you. It’s going to be different for everyone. I know it’s not always going to be perfect, and your therapist can push you a little harder than you want sometimes, but that’s part of their job. And trust your gut. Usually, you know right away.

What is your advice for therapists and mental health advocates who aspire to create content but are having difficulty starting out?

It’s a lot of work, I understand. My advice is always the same: just do it. You can hem and haw and try to put together the perfect video, but that doesn’t exist because you don’t know what you’re doing yet. You’re learning. I think people worry, especially in therapy, “What if a potential patient sees it and doesn’t like it?” Well, that means they’re probably not going to be a good fit for you anyway. Just do things that are true to who you are and what you want to represent, and you’re going to be fine. There are always going to be more questions to ask yourself and wonder and worry about. But the sooner you start going after things that you want, the sooner they’re yours.

As social media become more deeply entrenched in our lives, couples are experiencing both the positive and negative effects of social engagement on their relationships. Couples utilize the internet and social media extensively for both personal and professional purposes. According to Pew, 72% of married couples or those in committed relationships use social networking sites. Many of these couples maintain their own social media accounts.

A growing concern deals with what represents healthy social media behavior for those in committed relationships. Conflicts occur when couples differ on what is acceptable behavior for social media engagement. Healthy and emotionally intelligent relationships are based on honesty, trust, respect, and commitment. Since the advent of social media, some of these core values are being challenged.

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What makes engaging on social media any different than other behavior in our relationships? A key question for committed couples today might be: Are you demonstrating healthy relationship etiquette during your online interactions? This article will introduce seven rules of etiquette to consider for healthy social media engagement within committed relationships.

1. Practice Shared Accessibility

Unless your profession is bound by codes of confidentiality, you may want to consider opening up for discussion access to computers, smartphones, and other devices. Some may cringe at this concept; however, healthy relationships don’t harbor secrets. Social media and the internet are no exceptions. If your partner wants to see what you are doing on social media or on the web, why wouldn’t you grant them access?

Tip: Have a conversation with your significant other about how you both want to handle accessibility regarding your online behavior.

2. Allow Your Partner to Be Your Friend or Follower on Social Media

Some people have difficulty allowing their partners to follow or friend them on social media. A good point to consider and ask is: What would be the reasons you wouldn’t want your partner to follow or friend you?

Here’s a scenario to contemplate: You and a friend go to lunch. Unbeknownst to you, your partner is having lunch at the same restaurant. Would you choose to say hello to your partner and their friend or would you ignore them? Most people would likely say hello. A good majority might even ask if their partner wanted to join them. In like regard, the social graces of media engagement should be considered.

Tip: If you are in a committed relationship, becoming your partner’s friend or follower is exercising good social etiquette.

3. Post Images and Words That Convey Respect

Far too often, our photos, posts, and words get put online with no real consideration to our partners. If you want to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings, exercise caution and wisdom when posting.

Let’s use an example. If you were to take photos with someone else and your significant other doesn’t know the person, it would be considerate to not post flirtatious, suggestive, or inappropriate things. Avoid posting photos that could offend, embarrass, or hurt your partner. The adage “a picture is worth a thousand words” rings true.

Tip: Use discretion and common sense when posting. When in doubt, don’t post.

4. Ask Yourself How You Would Feel If the Posts Were Turned

If you’re not sure what is appropriate, whether posting, chatting online, texting, or some other social media engagement, ask yourself: How you would feel if the posts were turned? Would you feel comfortable, safe, and good about what is being posted or said on social media? Does the post make you feel confident about your relationship or is your blood pressure rising with concern or disbelief? If it is the latter, don’t post. Instead, post something that is uplifting, celebratory, or encouraging of your relationship.

Tip: Always consider how you would feel if your partner were posting the same thing as you.

5. Exercise Accountability

Instead of engaging on social media with people about your relationship problems, try talking to your partner, trusted confidant, or a licensed therapist.

Most people don’t start out wanting to stray in their relationships. In fact, most committed couples are just that—committed. The challenge can come when we begin crossing boundaries in our online and social media interactions. This can be especially problematic when you and your partner are having difficulties. Instead of engaging on social media with people about your relationship problems, try talking to your partner, trusted confidant, or a licensed therapist.

Tip: Stay away from private conversations with people that could potentially lead to either an emotional or physical affair. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, but rather a rule of thumb. Many people have friendships with people they are attracted to. The important consideration is that your significant other knows about the friendship. How do they feel about your relationship with this social media pal? If you don’t know, ask.

6. Consider Sharing Passwords

According to Pew, 67% of internet users in a committed relationship or marriage have shared their passwords to one or more online accounts with a significant other. About 11% of married adults or those in committed relationships share a social media profile. What’s important here is that there is an agreement about why you would want to share passwords (or why you wouldn’t). Some people feel open and comfortable sharing passwords, while others do not. Give it some thought.

Tip: Ask what your significant other thinks about sharing passwords. Is this important?

7. Set Time Limits

Many people spend inordinate amounts of time on social media and the internet. Technology has changed our lives. Certainly, there are many positive effects, including increased capabilities to communicate and enhanced production and performance. The internet gives us endless possibilities to connect with the world at large. We can easily get absorbed in the myriad uses for technology—emails, texts, social media platforms, news sites, and games, to name some. All that time we’re spending online, though, is time we’re not engaged with our partners.

Tip: Consider setting time limits or boundaries around how and when you use social media and technology, especially when sharing time with your partner.

These are not exhaustive suggestions for social media etiquette; however, they may serve as conversation starters. In many cases, just discussing these ideas with a significant other can make a difference. Engaging in conversations around these points can also lead to less confusion and conflict.

Reference:

Lenhart, A., & Duggan, M. (2014). Couples, the internet, and social Media. Retrieved from http://www.pewinternet.org/2014/02/11/couples-the-internet-and-social-media/

According to a report by the Royal Society for Public Health, social media app Instagram is more harmful to young people’s mental health than other social media platforms. The report, which stems from a survey of nearly 1,500 teens and young adults, linked Instagram to bullying, anxiety, depression, and fear of missing out.

The report did not, however, find that social media use is universally bad for mental health. Social media sites were linked to self-expression, a sense of community, a sense of identity, and greater social support. Some sites offered other benefits. YouTube, for example, promoted awareness of others’ experiences, decreased depression and loneliness, and offered access to reliable health information.

The report suggests social media platforms can protect users’ mental health by:

• Adding pop-up warnings pointing to the risks of heavy use.
• Providing methods to identify and support users who experience mental health issues.
• Offering notifications to alert when a photo has been digitally altered.

We Need More Studies on Kids’ Mental Health

[fat_widget_right]Opinion pieces that raise alarm bells about psychological screening in schools often neglect a vital piece of the puzzle: we know little about children’s mental health, and many childhood mental health issues go undetected. Routine mental health screenings could change this, offering better services to children with mental health concerns.

Number of University Dropouts Due to Mental Health Problems Trebles

The number of students leaving universities in the United Kingdom due to mental health issues has increased threefold in recent years. More students are requesting counseling, as schools struggle to keep up with their mental health needs.

Walgreen’s Mental Health Initiative Expands Reach

With about 1 in 5 Americans experiencing a mental health condition, mental health concerns are more prevalent than physical health issues. The Walgreens Boots Alliance, now in its second year, expanded mental health access and screenings in an attempt to provide more treatment and more resources. The retailer, which partnered with Mental Health America for the service, says 75% of people who completed mental health screenings are taking steps toward follow-up care.

How Does My Social Circle Affect My Depression Risk?

Loved ones can be both a cause of depression and a support system for fighting depression. Some relationships provide relief and social support. Others are a source of depression-triggering stress. Some are both. Experts say the key is to recognize and cultivate healthy relationships with others.

The Climate Crisis May Be Taking a Toll On Your Mental Health

Ecoanxiety, the fear of an impending environmental crisis, is increasingly common. A new report from the American Psychological Association (APA) suggests this anxiety may directly affect relationships and functioning. For instance, every standard deviation of rainfall and temperature increase is expected to produce a 4% increase in interpersonal conflict.