A chronic pain cycle can begin when real physical pain interrupts daily life, then slowly shapes how a person thinks, feels, moves, rests, and connects with others. Pain rarely stays only in the body; over time, it can become part of an emotional and behavioral pattern that deserves compassionate support.
Pain management
Mind-body connection
Therapy support
In This Blog
| What the chronic pain cycle looks like | |
| Why emotions do not make pain imaginary | |
| The emotional side of chronic pain | |
| How therapy can help | |
| FAQ |
Key insight: The chronic pain cycle does not mean pain is imagined. It describes how physical pain, nervous-system sensitivity, fear, avoidance, grief, and stress can influence one another over time.
In his counseling work, Bryan Van Vranken, MA, MBA, RMHCI, often meets people living with chronic pain after surgery, injury, cancer treatment, nerve-related conditions, repeated physical strain, or years of medically complex symptoms. Each story is different. Still, many people describe a similar pattern: pain interrupts life, distress grows around the pain, and the distress begins to make daily life feel smaller.
What the Chronic Pain Cycle Looks Like
The chronic pain cycle often begins with pain that makes ordinary tasks unpredictable. A person may wonder, “Will this get worse?” or “What if I cannot do what I used to do?” Those questions are understandable. Pain can affect work, sleep, relationships, movement, independence, and identity.
From there, many people start pulling back. They may avoid certain movements, activities, errands, social plans, or responsibilities. Sometimes avoidance is protective and wise. Other times, it grows because pain feels uncertain, overwhelming, or difficult to explain to others.
A common chronic pain cycle
Pain → distress → avoidance → decreased activity → sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness → pain feels heavier.
Over time, reduced activity can bring loss. Someone may grieve the life they had before pain, the version of themselves that felt more capable, or the ease they once had in their body. That grief can add emotional weight. The emotional weight can increase tension, worry, and isolation, which may make the experience of pain feel even harder to carry.
Why Emotions Do Not Make Pain Imaginary
One of the most important points is simple: the chronic pain cycle does not mean the pain is not real. Chronic pain is a real health concern. An NCBI Bookshelf overview describes pain as both a sensory and emotional experience, which helps explain why chronic pain can affect mood, relationships, movement, and daily life.
The body and mind are deeply connected. When pain persists, the nervous system can become more sensitive. Stress can increase muscle tension and guardedness. Thoughts can shift toward worst-case scenarios. The American Psychological Association describes how chronic stress can affect multiple body systems, including muscle tension, mood, and daily functioning.
This is not “all in your head.” It is a whole-person experience. GoodTherapy has explored this connection in the mind-body connection in chronic pain and in articles about how physical health and mental health can influence one another.
A compassionate reframe
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I just get over this?” try, “What is my body protecting me from, and what kind of support would help me respond with more steadiness?”
The Emotional Side of Chronic Pain
The emotional side of chronic pain often goes unspoken. Some people feel frustrated because their body no longer responds the way it used to. Others feel isolated because friends, family, coworkers, or clinicians may not fully understand what they are living with. Some carry constant worry about making symptoms worse.
There can also be grief. Grief for lost routines. Grief for independence. Grief for hobbies, work roles, intimacy, sleep, or simple activities that once felt automatic. These reactions are deeply human, not signs of weakness.
According to a 2024 CDC National Center for Health Statistics data brief, 24.3 percent of U.S. adults reported chronic pain in 2023, and 8.5 percent reported high-impact chronic pain that frequently limited life or work activities. Chronic pain is common, but the loneliness around it can still feel intensely personal.
Support is allowed
If pain is affecting your mood, relationships, sleep, or sense of self, a therapist can help you work with the emotional layer without dismissing the physical one. You can search GoodTherapy for a therapist who fits your needs.
How Therapy Can Help the Chronic Pain Cycle
Therapy does not replace medical care, and it does not promise to eliminate pain. Its role is different. Therapy can help reduce the added layer of suffering that builds around pain: fear, shame, isolation, hopelessness, all-or-nothing thinking, and the feeling that life has narrowed to symptoms alone.
In therapy, people often begin by understanding their own chronic pain cycle. From there, they may practice small, realistic shifts that support long-term well-being.
| Therapy focus | How it may help |
|---|---|
| Thought patterns | Notice and gently question thoughts that increase fear, helplessness, or self-blame. |
| Movement fear | Reduce avoidance in gradual, supported ways that respect medical limits. |
| Meaningful activities | Reintroduce valued routines at a manageable pace instead of waiting for a perfect pain-free day. |
| Flare-up planning | Build coping tools for difficult days so setbacks feel less frightening and isolating. |
| Nervous-system support | Practice calming skills, pacing, mindfulness, or values-based choices that help the body feel less constantly on alert. |
Research on psychological and mind-body approaches varies by condition and person, but some approaches have evidence for helping people cope with chronic pain. The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health summarizes evidence on mind and body approaches for chronic pain, including relaxation, mindfulness, and multidisciplinary care. GoodTherapy has also covered pain reprocessing therapy and chronic pain as one emerging approach for some people.
Small Shifts That Can Make Pain Feel Less All-Consuming
Meaningful change is rarely immediate or perfectly linear. Still, small shifts can matter. Some people begin to feel less controlled by pain when they rebuild a sense of choice in the day. Others reconnect with activities they had avoided, even in modified ways. The pain may still be present, but it no longer defines every moment.
Try this now: the one-step pacing check
- Choose one activity that matters but feels hard right now.
- Name the smallest version that would still count.
- Decide what support, rest, or modification would make it more realistic.
- Afterward, note what helped, what hurt, and what you would adjust next time.
A helpful question is not always, “Why is this happening to me?” That question is understandable, but it can keep a person circling the same painful place. Another question may create more room: “How can I respond to this in a way that supports me?”
This is not passive acceptance. It is a flexible, compassionate response that can make space for engagement, connection, and meaning alongside the reality of pain.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about the chronic pain cycle, emotions, and therapy support.
You do not have to carry chronic pain alone
Therapy can help you understand the chronic pain cycle, reduce emotional distress, and rebuild steadier ways to move through daily life.
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About the Author Bryan Van VrankenMA, MBA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern in St. Petersburg, Florida Bryan Van Vranken works with adults navigating chronic pain and illness, anxiety, depression, life transitions, stress, and injury recovery. His approach integrates person-centered therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and practical coping strategies. |
The exponential improvement and integration of AI into our personal and professional lives has been almost startling. Like the cell phone, the Internet, and ATM cards, AI is here to stay.
The Wall Street Journal (Bindley & Blunt, 2024) reports that companies now assess AI fluency during hiring, and annual reviews increasingly factor in how well employees use AI to increase productivity and cut costs. Some organizations even award bonuses to those who help others work smarter.
When I recently rescheduled a medical appointment with an AI agent, efficient, courteous, and surprisingly “human,†I wasn’t put off at all. That moment clarified something important: the question is no longer whether AI will change your life. It already has.
|
1 in 3
workers report anxiety about being replaced by AI
|
85%
of companies factor AI fluency into performance reviews
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∞
new roles being created for those who adapt to AI
|
AI as a Perceived Threat to My Job and Personal Life
Many people understandably perceive AI as a threat to their jobs and way of life. But how a person responds to a perceived threat matters enormously. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) offers a clear lens: you can react in a healthy, self-enhancing way or an unhealthy, self-defeating one.
AI is a tool like a scalpel. Either you learn how to use it, or you will get cut by it.
— REBT Perspective
We are not stopping this wave. The goal is to manage your emotional reaction to the profound changes AI will introduce, so you don’t get left behind.
Feeling overwhelmed by rapid change? A therapist trained in cognitive behavioral approaches can help you build the flexibility to adapt. Find a therapist near you.
How to Turn AI Anxiety into Healthy Concern
REBT distinguishes between healthy concern, which motivates us to cope, and unhealthy anxiety, which leads to avoidance and retreat. When the stakes are high, it is easy to slip from concern into anxiety, especially when we hold rigid attitudes toward change.
Four Common AI Anxiety Traps and How REBT Reframes Them
Below are four rigid attitudes that fuel AI anxiety, each paired with a healthy, flexible alternative.
The inner critic can amplify AI anxiety. Learning to quiet rigid self-talk is a powerful skill. Read: Silencing the Inner Critic: The Power of Self-Compassion
A 3-Step REBT Reset for AI Anxiety
When anxious thoughts about AI arise, use this simple process to shift from rigid fear to flexible action.
Ways to Use AI Effectively
Below are some of the ever-expanding ways you can put AI to work in your professional and personal life, generated with the assistance of ChatGPT to illustrate the practical range of AI applications (OpenAI, 2023).
Productivity and Knowledge Work
|
Research Summarize articles, suggest sources, and generate bibliographies in seconds. |
Drafting & Editing Draft emails, reports, or essays, then refine for clarity and style. |
Learning & Tutoring Explain complex concepts and offer personalized feedback in any subject. |
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Data Analysis Analyze datasets, identify trends, and visualize information for professional projects. |
Time Management Optimize calendars, set reminders, and automate routine tasks. |
Emotional Support AI chatbots offer empathetic conversation for those seeking nonjudgmental interaction. |
Creative and Visual Work
AI is reshaping creative fields in profound ways. Tools like DALL·E, Midjourney, and Stable Diffusion open new possibilities for anyone willing to engage with them.
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Image Generation Create original visuals from text descriptions using DALL·E, Midjourney, or Stable Diffusion. |
✨ Style Transfers Apply artistic styles to photos, upscale low-resolution images, or restore old photographs with AI tools. |
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Design Assistance Generate logos, concept art, and visual mockups that speed up the creative design process significantly. |
Creative Brainstorming Artists increasingly use AI as an ideation partner to explore new visual concepts before committing to final work. |
A Practical Checklist: Using AI Responsibly
★ Key Insight
By leveraging AI, adaptive individuals can increase productivity, enhance creativity, improve a wide range of skills, and make more informed decisions.
Adopt flexible, non-extreme attitudes toward the changes AI will bring. Nothing is constant but change.
Looking for support in navigating change? A therapist can help you build the psychological flexibility to adapt and thrive. Learn how to find the right therapist.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about AI anxiety and how to cope with it.
Q: Is it normal to feel anxious about AI?
A: Yes. AI anxiety is a widely reported response to rapid technological change. REBT and other evidence-based approaches can help you shift from rigid, extreme reactions to flexible, adaptive ones.
Q: Will AI really take my job?
A: AI is changing roles across many industries but also creating new ones. People who learn to work with AI are more likely to stay relevant. The biggest risk is avoidance, not AI itself.
Q: What is REBT and how does it help with AI anxiety?
A: REBT helps people identify and challenge rigid beliefs that cause emotional distress. Applied to AI anxiety, it replaces catastrophic thinking with flexible attitudes: “This is challenging, but I can adapt and thrive.â€
Q: What are practical first steps to overcome AI anxiety?
A: Start small. Spend 15 minutes a day exploring an AI tool like ChatGPT. Curiosity is the antidote to fear. The more you engage, the less threatening AI becomes.
Q: When should I seek professional support for technology-related anxiety?
A: If anxiety about AI is interfering with your work, relationships, or daily life, speaking with a therapist can help. Find a therapist near you.
Resources
References:
Bindley, K., & Blunt, K. (2026, Feb. 24). Tech Firms Aren’t Just Encouraging Their Workers to Use AI. They’re Enforcing It. The Wall Street Journal.
In the realm of mental health, stress often acts as a formidable adversary, exacerbating symptoms and hindering recovery. For individuals grappling with mental health issues, managing stress becomes a crucial aspect of their journey toward healing and well-being. Fortunately, there are many different strategies and techniques that therapists and clients can explore to alleviate stress and cultivate resilience. In this piece, we delve into some effective approaches to help clients reduce stress and enhance their mental well-being.Â
Effective Strategies to Reduce Stress
Mindfulness and Meditation:
At the forefront of stress reduction techniques lies mindfulness and meditation. These practices encourage individuals to anchor themselves in the present moment, fostering a sense of calm and inner peace. By cultivating awareness of thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment, clients can gradually learn to navigate stressors with greater composure. Therapists can guide clients through mindfulness exercises, such as focused breathing or body scans, to help them develop these invaluable skills.Â
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):Â Â
CBT offers a structured and evidence-based approach to stress management by examining the interplay between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Through CBT interventions, clients can identify and challenge maladaptive thought patterns that contribute to stress and anxiety. By replacing negative cognitions with more balanced and rational alternatives, clients can experience a profound shift in their perception of stressors, empowering them to respond more effectively.Â
Stress Reduction Techniques:Â Â
Encouraging clients to incorporate stress reduction techniques into their daily routine can yield significant benefits. These techniques may include progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery, among others. By engaging in regular practice, clients can cultivate a greater sense of relaxation and resilience, thereby mitigating the impact of stress on their mental health.Â
Lifestyle Modifications:Â Â
Exploring lifestyle modifications can also play a pivotal role in stress management. Encouraging clients to prioritize self-care activities, such as adequate sleep, regular exercise, and healthy nutrition, can bolster their physical and emotional well-being. Additionally, fostering meaningful social connections and engaging in enjoyable hobbies can provide much-needed support and solace during times of stress.Â
Support Groups and Peer Networks:Â
Connecting clients with support groups or peer networks can offer a sense of validation, understanding, and unity. Interacting with individuals who share similar experiences can diminish feelings of isolation and provide invaluable emotional support. Therapists can facilitate access to these resources and encourage clients to actively engage with their peers as they navigate their mental health journey.Â
Relaxation Techniques:Â Â
Incorporating relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualization, can help clients alleviate physiological symptoms of stress and induce a state of calmness. Teaching clients these techniques equips them with practical tools to manage stress in real time, empowering them to regain a sense of control over their emotions and physical sensations.Â
Time Management and Boundaries:Â Â
Helping clients develop effective time management skills and establish healthy boundaries can also contribute to stress reduction. By prioritizing tasks, setting realistic goals, and learning to assertively communicate their needs, clients can minimize feelings of overwhelm and cultivate a greater sense of balance in their lives.Â
Expressive Therapies:Â Â
Engaging in expressive therapies, such as art therapy, music therapy, or dance movement therapy, can provide clients with alternative avenues for self-expression and stress relief. These modalities offer creative outlets for processing emotions, reducing tension, and fostering self-discovery in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.Â
In conclusion, reducing stress for clients dealing with mental health issues requires a multifaceted approach that addresses the interconnected facets of their well-being. By incorporating mindfulness practices, cognitive restructuring, stress reduction techniques, lifestyle modifications, social support, relaxation strategies, time management skills, and expressive therapies into treatment plans, therapists can empower clients to effectively manage stress and enhance their overall quality of life. Ultimately, by collaboratively exploring these strategies, therapists and clients can work towards fostering resilience, promoting healing, and cultivating a sense of empowerment in the face of adversity.Â
Written By:Â Â
Janice D’souza, M.S.W., R.S.W.Â
Insightful Minds Therapy Inc.Â
If you, or someone you know is struggling with their mental health and well-being, feel free to reach out to Janice D’souza, for individual therapy, at below contact information:Â
Email: j6dsouza@gmail.comÂ
Phone: 416-316-7686Â
Busyness may seem fairly harmless; after all, you are just filling your schedule and accomplishing tasks, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. However, busyness can take over in ways that may be similar to how an addiction can and prevent you from being present in your own life with those around you.
Here are some signs you might be addicted to busyness and how to address it.
Signs You’re Using Busyness As a Coping Mechanism
1. Your calendar is cluttered or full
Someone who is addicted to being busy may feel a compulsive need to fill up their schedule. They may have difficulty spending time not “doing.†They may feel they are wasting time if they are not scheduling something or constantly have activities waiting in the wings. They may feel most satisfied when they see their calendar is completely full. In order to combat this mentality, it’s important to acknowledge this is a behavior you see in yourself.
Acknowledging the constant desire to fill up your calendar is a good place to start. It may be helpful to look at the function of that behavior. What does it offer you? How do you feel when you see that your schedule is full? What are you getting out of moving from task to task without slowing down? And on the contrary, how do you feel when your schedule is empty? What feelings arise for you when there isn’t another task to complete? Being able to say to yourself what the busyness offers you is a good first step.
2. You’re a social butterfly
Busyness can often cause people to become “social butterflies,†and they may feel a constant need to go from social What feelings arise for you when there isn’t another task to complete? Being able to say to yourself what the busyness offers you is a good first step.engagement to social engagement. These folks may say in passing, “I’m just social†or “I like to go out.†They may have difficulty being alone or spending time with themselves. If this sounds familiar, tune in to this feeling. What is it like to be alone? Connect with that. Does it bring up any other feelings or remind you of anything?
Often, loneliness can remind us of difficult times during our childhood when we felt alone and no one came to be with us, so we take a lot of measures to not have this feeling be present. We try and fill it up with activities. We have to remind ourselves that feeling lonely is okay. We can notice this feeling and let it be what it is. You can practice building up tolerance to being alone by spending larger and large increments of time by yourself and observing how it feels. You can utilize some self-talk and let your body know feeling lonely is normal and that it’s going to be okay.
3. Others mention how busy you seem
Often times, people will tell the busy person that it seems they are always busy or “on the go.†This may seem like an obvious indicator, but busy people may have difficulty recognizing this in themselves, so they need others to say something. If this is the case with you, it may help to ask the loved ones in your life about this. Be curious about what friends and family are telling you. Ask questions. “You say that I am often on the go, what do you mean by that?” “You often say that I am busy, does it feel like I’m present when I’m with you?” “Does it feel like I’m too busy for you?” This will give you a better sense of how your busyness is impacting others.
4. It’s difficult to slow down
That adage “stop and smell the roses†may seem cliché, but it can be hard to do for those who can’t stop being busy. If you find you have difficulty taking in the details of the day—the way your morning coffee tasted, the smile on your co-worker’s face, or the sounds of children playing in your front yard—because you feel like you must go onto the next item, you may be addicted to being busy.
A good next step for this is to slow down as much as possible. Take a deep breath, pause, and notice what’s going on. You can start with your body: what does it feel like inside? Do you observe any tension or tightness? Do you feel happy, sad, lonely, mad, or something else? Where do you feel that feeling in your body? Can you allow it to move through your body?
Next, see if you can move on to tuning in to the experience of others. Slow down and really listen to what they are saying instead of giving a rehearsed response. Can you tune in to what they might be feelings? Can you give yourself the space to really be present with others? Feel your way into what it’s like to be truly present with you family and friends.
Being busy can be a good thing. As humans, we may often have a desire to be productive and use our time well. It’s when the busyness takes over our lives and we stop enjoying living that it’s important to look more closely.
If you feel busyness has become a coping mechanism for you, therapy may help. A licensed mental health professional can show you strategies that allow you to tune in to your inner world, sit with your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope.
During times of stress, we often feel as if we are “losing it.†We can feel consumed by paralyzing anxiety. At this point, our brains often can no longer experience the functioning of higher executive areas of the brain, and this leads to times where the brain goes “blank,†such as during a major exam.
What Is Stress?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, stress is “the brain’s response to any demand.†This definition shows that stress is normal and necessary and not necessarily harmful. It becomes harmful when it is excessive. Excessive stress is toxic stress.
The Prefrontal Cortex
The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that serves as a control center to our emotions, keeping our impulse nature in check. In extremely stressful situations, the brain sends chemicals away from the prefrontal cortex towards the hypothalamus, which manages the stressful feelings.
The prefrontal cortex is sensitive to stress. This region of the brain does not fully reach maturity until after one’s teen years. Home to the neural circuitry for abstract thought, it is also responsible for concentration and helping us stay on task while storing information in our working memory.
When unstressed, the neurons within the executive center of the prefrontal cortex run smoothly and help us solve problems and think calmly. When stress hits, our brains become flooded with norepinephrine and dopamine, which are arousal chemicals. They tell the prefrontal cortex to shut off neuron firing.
Stress Hormones
At the same time, the adrenal glands tell our bodies to release the stress hormone cortisol, which also invades the prefrontal cortex. In fact, studies show that after exposure to neurotransmitters or stress hormones, the neurons in the prefrontal cortex disconnect and stop firing.
Studies have shown that when a person is exposed to extended periods of excessive stress, the areas of the brain involved with sustained reasoning start to shrivel, the dendrites in the amygdala enlarge, and those in the prefrontal cortex shrink. In fact, it has been found that when a person is exposed to an extensive level of stress, prefrontal gray matter shrinks.
High levels of cortisol wear down the brain’s ability to function properly. In addition, extended levels of elevated stress can kill brain cells, even leading to the reduction of the size of the brain.
High levels of cortisol wear down the brain’s ability to function properly. In addition, extended levels of elevated stress can kill brain cells, even leading to the reduction of the size of the brain.
Scientists hope to use what they learn about the brain’s response to stress and what causes it to degenerate from reflective to reflexive. Current research may lead to effective treatments for stress.
Things That Cause Stress
Childhood stressors include exposure to violence, abuse of all types, neglect, and divorce/relationship conflict of parents. The consequences of these stressors are affect dysregulation, provocative behaviors, poor school performance, anxiety, depression, avoidance of intimacy, and disturbance of attachment.
Exposure to chronic stressors in childhood lead to lifelong neurobiological disorders, which result in long-term issues such as mood disorders, anxiety, immune dysfunctions, medical issues, structural changes in the brain, and lowered age of death.
Adult stressors tend to be mainly caused by these same childhood experiences and their consequences over time, including major medical issues. Over time, adults with stress have often resorted to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which can also contribute to increased stress. These include substance abuse, dangerous living environments, and other unhealthy lifestyle choices.
Managing Stress
Currently, the best methods for managing stress include relaxation exercises, deep breathing, meditation, and medication.
When in a stressful situation, we can learn to help ourselves in the moment by using cognitive behavior strategies. These include the above mentioned suggestions as well as:
- Taking a “time out,†or walking away temporarily from a stressful situation.
- Repeating an internal “mantra,†such as “Everything’s going to be okay.â€
- Going for a walk or taking some other type of physical action to get your energy out of your body.
- Using mindfulness, such as focusing on something using your senses. You might look for everything in your environment that is a specific color, notice sounds, or something else.
- Using a mental activity such as listing from a to z one thing you are grateful for, starting with each letter of the alphabet.
Pharmaceutical companies are testing the drugs prazosin and guanfacin, which are now used for other purposes, to see if they can help keep the mind functioning well during experiences of stress.
Healing Chronic Stress
It is important to realize that stressful events are stored differently in our brains than non-stressful events. Most episodic memories are stored in our brain’s left hemisphere, which can be recalled and processed cognitively. Stressful events are stored in our brain’s right hemisphere and are felt viscerally. Healing from traumatic memories requires a more extensive approach to healing than merely implementing coping skills.
With chronic stress caused by extensive exposure to traumatic events, it is often helpful to meet with a therapist. The best types of therapy for healing posttraumatic stress involve somatic/experiential interventions such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) and other types of bilateral-stimulation methods.
I would also like to mention ego-state therapy as a powerful tool for healing childhood trauma. All of these methods together can enable individuals struggling with long-term stress to finally find relief and put the painful memories to bed.
References:
- Arnsen, A., Mazure, C., & Sinha, R. (2012). This is your brain in meltdown. Scientific American, 4(306), 48-53. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22486116
- Bernstein, R. (2016, July 26). The mind and mental health: How stress affects the brain. Retrieved from http://www.tuw.edu/content/health/how-stress-affects-the-brain
- Fox, H. & Sinha, R. (2014). The role of guanfacine as a therapeutic agent to address stress-related pathophysiology in cocaine dependent individuals. Advances in Pharmacology, 69, 217-265. doi: 10.1016/B978-0-12-420118-7.00006-8
- Paulsen, S. (2017). When there are no words: Repairing early trauma and neglect from the attachment period with EMDR therapy. Bainbridge Island, WA: A Bainbridge Institute for Integrative Psychology Publication.
- Schneiderman, N., Ironson, G., & Siegel, S. D. (2005). Stress and health: Psychological, behavioral, and biological determinants. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1, 607-628. doi: 10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.144141
Are you struggling with the uncertainty and unpredictability of our current political climate? Are you concerned about how to help your clients weather the impact of the rapid changes taking place? You are not alone. It has been over a year and a half since the transition in the American government, but the impact continues.
Many of us are feeling the pressure of political stress—and so are our clients. According to the American Psychological Association, a poll taken in 2017 showed that 63% of Americans are stressed about the future of the United States. Further, 59 percent believe this to be “the lowest point in our nation’s history that they can remember.â€
Regardless of where we fall on the political spectrum, collective uncertainty and social discord is challenging, in and out of the office. Transition of power is especially difficult when the speed of change accelerates more quickly than expected. If you are among the marginalized and oppressed, it is likely that the change in power and ensuing polarization is causing enough stress to trigger adaptive coping strategies, both functional and dysfunctional.
This means that those who have been dealing with discrimination and oppression all their lives may now, due to the divisive social and political landscape, be navigating even more stress, worry, anxiety, and depression. For mental health professionals, this means the people seeking help from us may be initiating more conversations about discrimination and oppression than in the past.
As we navigate a more stressful collective experience, there are two main considerations that may be helpful in maximizing the quality of our support:
- Consider using the therapeutic relationship as a vehicle for empowerment and liberation from oppression and internalized oppression. Doing so can be invaluable to the mental and emotional health of our clients.
- When people seeking help bring in painful issues that trigger distress, consider taking special care to do the inner work necessary to prevent overwhelm and heal your own internalized oppression to provide the best support possible.
As mental health professionals, we have an opportunity to create a safe space to process heartbreak and foster resilience around stressful collective experiences. Therapy can help with family of origin issues, insecure attachment, cognitive behavioral patterns, emotional imbalances, and addiction.
But therapists can also play a role in helping people in therapy navigate the discrimination and marginalization that impacts their well-being. When we hold the individual and collective impact of polarization, oppression, and internalized oppression with as much importance as we do other factors, we are more able to attune, empower, and collaborate with clients in the most difficult times.
Therapist as Ally
We see oppression operating when one group has more access to power and privilege than another group, and when that power and privilege is used to maintain the status quo. But internalized oppression can be more difficult to detect.
The intersection of oppression and internalized oppression is where therapists and counselors have the greatest opportunity to help empower clients by becoming an ally. Allies choose to commit themselves to actively supporting others. They use their privilege to help reduce the impact of discrimination and suffering.
Internalized oppression perpetuates and amplifies the maintenance of the status quo by constructing subservience in the minds of oppressed groups. Taking on the prejudice of the oppressor, it may appear in therapy as any of the following:
- Self-hatred
- Self-doubt
- Self-concealment
- Fear of violence
- Feelings of inferiority
- Isolation
- Rage
- Powerlessness
- Hopelessness
- Gratefulness for being allowed to survive or have access to resources.
The intersection of oppression and internalized oppression is where therapists and counselors have the greatest opportunity to help empower clients by becoming an ally. Allies choose to commit themselves to actively supporting others. They use their privilege to help reduce the impact of discrimination and suffering.
In our role as therapist, this may include, but is not limited to:
- Helping clients learn to regulate their nervous system during political actions
- Employing positive adaptive strategies in the face of discrimination and violence
- Attending to the conflict between activated parts when feeling unsafe
- Navigating symptoms exacerbated by increased stress
- Connecting people in therapy with additional resources.
Regardless of the theoretical framework, we can help people make a radical shift in their relationship to the difficult thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations that compromise mental and emotional health.
Inner Work
As we know, we are of greatest service to our clients when we do our own inner work. When we prioritize addressing how the intensity of the political landscape is affecting our own mental health and attitudes, we are more able to hold space for the range of experiences our clients are going through.
The active professional psychology community is 84% white, 16% people of color. Whether you are among the former or the latter, uncovering and transforming your own social conditioning can help you become more fully and compassionately present to yourself and the people you work with. Even those who are oppressed can inflict pain within their own group or unconsciously perpetuate discrimination against people from another oppressed group. Thus, it is especially important to consider ways we can unravel internalized oppression to encourage conscious connection and collaboration.
As we sit with people in session, we have the opportunity to mindfully notice our internal process and prevent unintentional enactments of the same divisions experienced within society. We are human. We will make mistakes. But by doing our inner work, we lay the foundation for the possibility of deeply supporting our clients in a larger system that may or may not be as sensitive to their needs.
The Power of Mindfulness
One of the most challenging aspects of the current political climate is that so many people are in harm’s way or have the potential to suffer injustice. Just as difficult is the thought that the earth is suffering destruction influenced by the perception that she is only valued as a disposable resource for capitalistic endeavors. These divisive experiences have grave mental health consequences, which are but a fraction of the overall negative impact on our collective well-being—for the current population as well as for those in future generations.
In an environment that encourages hostility between those who have different political opinions or backgrounds (i.e. sexual orientation, gender expression, class, race, culture, religion, or ability, among others) mindfulness can help us deal with the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that arise in our daily experience. When we intentionally pay attention to what is happening, as it is happening, without judgment, we can cultivate an internal spaciousness that gives us the opportunity to observe and respond, rather than react. As we tend to the moment, we more effectively notice an ability to pause before a trigger manifests into a reaction. This gives us a choice to consider our next course of action.
Another benefit of mindfulness is that it promotes self-compassion. Mindfulness has two wings. First, it helps us see what is true. Second, it helps us hold with love what is seen. Whatever arises in the midst of our country’s changes, we have the choice to hold with love whatever is perceived within, whether it is anger, fear, shame, helplessness, or the internalized prejudices against ourselves that occur as a result of oppression. We then can become aware of our capacity to hold intense experiences with care. This allows us to expand our window of tolerance during politically stressful times and empower ourselves to transform suffering into a more balanced, flexible, and generative expression that can benefit all.
In terms of extending mindfulness to therapy, spaciousness and compassion increase our ability to be present enough to deeply listen to a person’s struggles. When we bring our full presence to the clinical setting, we increase our ability to track and attune to a client’s internal experiences as we navigate our own. Being mindful helps us become acutely aware of what is happening in the moment, while holding in mind the relational dynamic. Remaining mindful of the therapeutic relationship helps us consider the interpersonal and intrapsychic experience the person in therapy is having.
While we can’t change the current social environment, we can be sensitive to the power dynamics in the relationship so we can work to create a therapeutic environment that supports and empowers. Political stress is challenging. But when we do our inner work and use mindful awareness in the midst of rapid social change, we can serve as a supportive ally—to ourselves and our clients.
References:
- 2005-13: Demographics of the U.S. psychology workforce. (2015). APA Center for Workforce Studies. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/workforce/publications/13-demographics/index.aspx
- APA Stress in America survey: US at ‘lowest point we can remember;’ future of nation most commonly reported source of stress. (2017, November 1). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/11/lowest-point.aspx.
- Brach, T. (2016). Radical acceptance: A Buddhist guide to freeing yourself from shame. Audio Training. Boulder: Sounds True.
- David, E. J. R., & Derthick, A. O. (2018). The psychology of oppression. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company, LLC.
- Pheterson, G. (1986). Alliances between women: Overcoming internalized oppression and internalized domination. Signs, 12(1). pp. 146-160.
Stress is a normal, functional part of life; it serves many purposes. The proverbial “tiger in the room†sort of stress tells us when things need to change. It may also inform us when we need to take a break. But if stress is not managed properly over time, it can cause lasting damage to our bodies and minds.
When most of us consider stress, we think of it as a negative force in our lives—one to be avoided at all costs and managed quickly when it appears. As you might imagine, avoidance is not often the best tool for becoming more adept at managing stress when it does inevitably occur. This is where the subtle differences between stress management and stress reduction begin to show.
The Difference Between Stress Management and Reduction
Stress management is the set of skills we use to cope with and move through the process of experiencing stress. Stress reduction, on the other hand, is what we do with the rest of our time. I like to think of stress reduction as how we mold our environment and adapt to make ourselves less vulnerable to life’s everyday stressors.
From this perspective, it is easier to see that we must cultivate a daily practice that minimizes the impact of stress to become better at handling it. Instead of waiting for stress to occur and tackling each stressor as it pops up, try using your downtime, or low-stress time, to reflect on what causes you stress. Looking for ways to protect yourself from future stress may prove more productive.
Both in my personal life and in the experiences my clients relay to me, I have found stress reduction often involves the same set of coping skills that are used to manage our stress response. The main difference is that to reduce stress, we must practice these skills when we are not actually stressed out.
Using Reflection to Manage Stress
The next time you find yourself working through a stressful moment, take time afterwards to consider what helped you. Was it deep, purposeful breathing, taking a walk, writing, talking to a friend, or petting your dog? Was it practicing radical acceptance to allow the stressful moment to pass, or was it setting a timeline to accomplish the task that was causing stress in the first place?
The next time you find yourself working through a stressful moment, take time afterwards to consider what helped you.
Once we build up a network of skills we know to be impactful, we can start to practice them in times of little or no stress. This creates a new pattern for reacting to stress. You are still reaping the benefits of the stress management exercises—lowered blood pressure, clearer state of mind, heightened connection to self and others—while not having to combat your stress hormones. Instead of starting at the top of a mountain and fighting your way back to its base, you are building up your stress tolerance by starting at base and consistently practicing your skills.
Climbing the Mountain: Moving Toward Stress Reduction
We cannot lower our overall sensitivity to stress by only practicing skills to reduce it in times of stress. So how can we go from stress management to stress reduction? It may be worthwhile to examine your environment and daily habits. How are you making time to practice your coping skills when there is nothing to cope with? Are you working with what you already know about yourself, or are you constantly trying new coping skills without reflecting on how they serve you? By shifting the way we think about coping skills from something only used in times of distress to something we can use when at our best, we cultivate an environment where stress reduction is part of daily living.
If you are struggling to know how you can start cultivating an environment that makes you less susceptible to stress, consider reaching out to a therapist in your area. With expert guidance, you can work towards building a more effective stress management routine and make your overall environment less stressful.
The word “perfectionist†may bring to mind someone who is the picture of tidy. Or it might inspire the thought of a bookshelf, alphabetized and organized by genre.
Perfectionism is simply the need to be (or appear) perfect. Different forms of perfectionism can have both positive and negative effects. People who are motivated by setting lofty goals may excel in academia or their workplace. But the harmful aspects of perfectionism can lead to depression, low self-esteem, or overwhelm.
When perfectionism becomes overbearing or overwhelming, it can lead to burnout. Burnout is complete mental and physical exhaustion. It often occurs after a prolonged period of stress. Striving for perfection can be highly stressful, and it can trigger burnout.
When Hard Work and High Goals Cause Burnout
There is nothing wrong with setting goals or having high expectations. But there are a few signs you may be heading into negative, or self-critical, perfectionism. These can include but are not limited to:
- Difficulty making decisions because “None of the options seem right”
- Excessive list-making [fat_widget_right]
- Giving up early or avoiding situations with higher risk of failure
- Procrastination
- Repeated checking: in the mirror, for errors in work, or your watch
- Hoarding
- Slowness in speech or reading grounded in the need to ensure nothing is missed or messed up
Stress caused by the self-critical behaviors of perfectionism can lead to burnout. You could be experiencing burnout if you feel:
- Emotionally blunted or numb
- Constantly overwhelmed
- That your daily tasks are pointless
- Underappreciated
- Depleted of motivation
- Hopeless or helpless
- Tired or fatigued most of the time
Why Does Perfectionism Trigger Burnout?
Perfectionism can cause a constant amount of stress in both work and home life. Living in a cycle of stress with no relief may allow a sense of helplessness or despair to take root. Neverending stress can sap motivation and make it seem like there is not point in trying.
By setting impossible to meet standards—perfection—a person cannot accomplish what they expect of themselves. They will never reach this goal, because perfection does not exist. Even if perfection was achieved at a certain point, standards for what is perfect may change over time. For people with harmful perfectionistic tendencies, this thinking can further contribute to a loss purpose and meaning.
Self-critical perfectionism often comes with negative self-talk. Thoughts such as “What is wrong with me?†and “At this rate, I may as well give up†may often run through the mind of someone with perfectionism. A steady flow of harsh inner dialogue can cause emotional exhaustion.
Are Some People Prone to Burnout?
One specific group is not more or less prone to burnout than another. But certain characteristics or mental health issues may make burnout more likely.
For example, people with social anxiety may be more prone to perfectionism. Both conditions can cause fear of being judged by others. The relationship between social anxiety and self-critical perfectionism indicates people with social anxiety may be more likely to burn out.
People with high-stress jobs and professional athletes may also be more susceptible to burnout. Perfectionism in the workplace or on the playing field can make self-compassion or acceptance of failure feel impossible. This may cause them to work or compete harder than is sustainable for long amounts of time.
Thoughts such as “What is wrong with me?†and “At this rate, I may as well give up†may often run through the mind of a person with perfectionism. A steady flow of harsh inner dialogue can cause emotional exhaustion.
Can Burnout Be Avoided?
Many people experience burnout at some point in life. It is possible to prevent it from happening regularly or for extended periods. Management of perfectionistic tendencies is key in preventing someone from reaching a state of burnout.
To help manage perfectionism, you might:
- Remind yourself to think realistically. Practice repeating “All I can do is my best!†or “Nobody is perfect!†to yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
- Gather perspective. Look at how you fit into the bigger picture. Consider the broader context of a stressful situation.
- Compromise. Decide what level of imperfection or perfection you can handle for the moment. Operate within that framework.
- Speak up. Tell people when you are tired or feeling run down.
- Manage your time. Avoid procrastinating and becoming overwhelmed. Create schedules with tasks you can complete in a certain number of hours.
- Take regular breaks from work or activities. Read, take a nap, play with a pet, or spend time with a good friend. Breathe.
Tips for Handling Perfectionism-Induced Burnout
If perfectionism is not managed, a person may reach a point of burnout. It can be harder to bounce back from a state of burnout than from a point of tiredness before it. Due to this, it is important to prevent burnout, if possible. But knowing how to treat and recover from burnout may be necessary for many with perfectionistic traits.
Burnout recovery includes self-care. A few good strategies might be:
- Socializing. Maintaining positive relationships and spending time with people you feel comfortable around can help reduce stress and overwhelm.
- Finding balance. Leave a chaotic job, or say no to projects that will overload you. Set a hard stopping time for leaving the office or closing your computer each day.
- Nourishing your creativity. Write or journal, make art or music, cook, garden, or dance.
- Taking care of your body. Exercise or stay active, and try to eat whole, healthy foods.
- Seeing a therapist. Talk therapy can help people cope with feelings of depression or pointlessness during burnout. Speaking with a therapist may help people make a plan for moving forward.
A solid self-care plan can help you work toward a faster pace or bigger project load. It is important to practice self-care and know your limits. You may avoid burnout by being realistic in your expectations and communicating needs and feelings of overwhelm with bosses and coworkers. This may mean turning down a new project or giving up some responsibilities to clear your plate.
You can still accomplish goals and do quality work at a pace that won’t burn you out. Burnout and perfectionism can hinder your ability to do your best. Learning to manage them may serve you better in the future. If things become too much for you to handle on your own, a mental health professional can help you learn skills to manage perfectionistic behavior.
References:
- Benson, E. (2003). The many faces of perfectionism. Monitor on Psychology, 10(34), 18. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov03/manyfaces.aspx
- Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2015, July 31). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 3(20), 269-288. Doi: 10.1177/1088868315596286
- Fursland, A., Lim, L., Raykos, B., & Steele, A. (2009). What is perfectionism? Retrieved from http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/1%20What%20is%20%20Perfectionism.pdf
- How to overcome perfectionism. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
- Kempke, S., Luvten, P., Claes, S., Goossens, L., Bekaert, P., Van Wambeke, P., & Van Houdenhove, B. (2012, August 30). Self-critical perfectionism and its relationship to fatigue and pain in the daily flow of life in patients with chronic fatigue syndrome. Psychological Medicine, 5(43), 995-1002. doi: 10.1017/S0033291712001936
- Ruggeri, A. (2018, February 21). The dangerous downsides of perfectionism. BBC. Retrieved from http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise
In my work with people who are facing things like stress, anxiety, or trauma, I often talk about the importance of making time for relaxation and self-care. Relaxation techniques, mindfulness, and meditation are some of the buzzwords that encompass practices that involve slowing down the mind and body.
These practices can be extremely effective. They not only provide a sense of calm, they can also create positive effects on the nervous system. They may even lead to noted physiological improvements, such as slowed breathing and decreased heart rate and blood pressure. These techniques are some of the best ways to improve physical and mental health. Even better? They typically have no negative side effects.
I teach various forms of relaxation multiple times a week, to many of the people I work with in my office. I recently became aware of how I had personally strayed from practicing what I preached. When I was pregnant with my first child, I made a conscious effort to embrace meditation. I was fully aware that the fetus experiences everything the mom feels. I also believed that a calm mom created a healthy, calm baby. But several years (and two more babies) later, I’m finding I rarely make time to utilize the tools I so often teach to others.
The Challenges of Relaxation
While I do use various relaxation techniques at night if I’m having a hard time falling asleep or when I’m aware I feel excessively stressed, I’ve gotten away from using meditation as a regular practice. I fully admit it’s often difficult to find the time. [fat_widget_right]
Our society and age of technology can make this even more challenging. I realized this last week as I was sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting to be called back for my appointment. I passed time aimlessly looking things up on my iPhone. I checked my text messages, then my emails. Checked my Instagram feed, then my Facebook feed. Went back to check my emails again. There was nothing new, so I checked my text messages again. I checked my Google analytics app just for the heck of it. Then I checked my email again. “Oh! Somebody on SoundCloud liked the guided meditation I uploaded.â€
This made me pause. I had recorded a guided meditation for the people I worked with to use at home. I urged each of them to make mindfulness a part of their routine. “Find a few moments every day to pause and slow down your mind and body,” I had suggested. But here I was, during the one moment in my day that involved simply sitting in silence. What was I doing? Frantically going back and forth between apps in order to kill time.
I stopped and checked in with myself, mentally asking how I felt in that moment. I realized I was anxious. Not about the appointment, but anxious and annoyed that things weren’t moving fast enough. I wanted to get the appointment done and get on with my day. I wanted to tackle some of the things on my ever-growing to-do list. I couldn’t do that while waiting, but by staring at my phone I was wasting a valuable opportunity to pause and allow myself a “reset.â€
I know that pausing and slowing down can help create a sense of calm. I also know that from a place of calm, I’m always better and more effective at managing stress and upcoming tasks. But I often get so swept up in the busyness of life that I forget to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.
When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives.
I wondered why it was so hard for me to just sit in silence for a few moments. Balancing family and work schedules leaves little time for sitting quietly. So why was I not embracing this rare opportunity to enjoy a period of time where I had nothing to do besides sit and wait? Why did I feel the need to keep checking my email and going back and forth between apps? I wasn’t expecting anything important. I had just gotten caught up in the fast pace of life and the pressure to constantly juggle everything on my plate. In doing so, I neglected the chance to just be still.
When our lives become so busy and chaotic, we often forget to slow down. Some people have a difficult time being alone with themselves. Either their thoughts are filled with negative, anxious, or self-deprecating self-talk they would rather avoid, or they have become so disconnected from their sense of identity that they aren’t sure how to handle idle time alone.
Neither of these are true for me. In fact, I relish time alone. Nonetheless, the more chaotic, busy, and full my life becomes, the more difficult remembering to slow down seems to be.
Making Time to Slow Down
When we don’t make a point to slow things down and make time for stillness and relaxation, the less effective we become at managing the stressors in our lives. This can sometimes pose problems. An important point I teach about relaxation techniques is how vital it is to practice these tools on a regular, ongoing basis. It’s important to make them a part of your daily routine and use them often instead of just calling on them during moments of chaos.
This is especially true when you are first learning to embrace mindfulness and meditation and incorporate them into your life. Relying on relaxation tools only during moments of stress may help you to better cope in the moment. But utilizing them on a regular basis will help you operate from a place that is more grounded and stable. This can allow you to mitigate some of the stress that might otherwise become overwhelming.
Try this simple exercise:
Get into a comfortable position and try to relax. Release as much tension from your body as possible. Take a few deep breaths in … and out. Imagine your body is like a big, stable, old oak tree. Imagine yourself being strong and steady, even amid strong winds and stormy weather. Close your eyes and visualize this as you continue to breathe in and out deeply.
Imagine roots at the base of your spine, traveling down through anything below you and deep into the earth. Visualize these roots planted firmly into the ground. Imagine that any negative emotions or stressors can travel out of you, through these roots, and back into the earth where they can be released and recycled.
After you’ve finished embracing this visualization, check in with yourself to see how you are feeling. Notice if you experience any shifts in your emotions or changes in sensations in your body. Hopefully this exercise helps you to establish a better sense of calm. If so, congratulate yourself for successfully using a mindfulness tool. Know you can use this simple meditation anywhere, at any time, in order to feel more stable and secure.
If you found the visualization difficult, keep practicing. There are books, CDs, websites, YouTube videos, and more out there to help you embrace the practice of meditation. If you find the idea of meditating uncomfortable, that’s okay. My original thoughts on meditation years ago were a bit cynical. I believed it sounded hokey, crazy, or foreign. I imagined elderly monks in faraway places sitting perfectly still, eyes closed, for hours on end, depriving themselves of the ability to scratch an itch, not even allowing themselves to eat. I thought meditation meant blanking out your brain and not allowing a single thought to pass though your mind. This, I found impossible.
I’ve since discovered meditation really just means slowing down, developing more awareness, and taking time to be more mindful and present. There are many different techniques and ways to do this. One book I like is Learn to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Self-Discovery and Fulfillment, which offers many techniques for practicing mindfulness. Find what works for you. [amazon_affiliate]
It doesn’t take hours, and it doesn’t need to be difficult. You just need to find a few short moments to regularly and consciously slow down, become more self-aware, and allow your mind to take a break from everything you are juggling. If you aren’t sure how to begin, I encourage you to reach out for help. A compassionate therapist or counselor can offer guidance and support as you explore meditation and mindfulness practices.
Reference:
Fontana, D. (1999). Learn to meditate: A practical guide to self-discovery and fulfillment. San Francisco, CA: Chronicle Books.
One of the hardest things about stress and anxiety is that it often leads to overwhelm. Because of this, it is tempting to implement strategies that manage the discomfort but fail to offer lasting change. For example, many people choose to avoid situations that trigger anxiety, but they rarely address the sensations, feelings, and thoughts associated with it. It is natural to want to avoid feeling anxious. However, quick fixes don’t tend to bring long-term recovery. An integrative approach that includes both short- and long-term solutions is usually needed.
There are two main reasons for this:
- Overwhelm feels more convincing than your ability to change it.
- When you are immersed in overwhelm, short-term strategies become necessary for immediate relief before being able to consider long-term solutions.
While psychotherapy, social support, a nutrient-dense diet, spending time in nature, and exercise are important to prevent overwhelm, three key ingredients are necessary: expanding your window of tolerance, mindfulness, and self-compassion.
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Becoming Aware of Your Window of Tolerance
One of the most important aspects for reducing overwhelm is to become increasingly aware of signals that you are about to “flip out” or “shut down” (known in psychotherapy as hyperarousal and hypoarousal). The space between flipping out and shutting down is the zone in which you function most effectively. In this space, you can think clearly, communicate well, engage respectfully, and work effectively. In other words, you are in your window of tolerance.
As you might imagine, everyone’s window of tolerance is different. Understanding your baseline window of tolerance and how to expand it contributes to long-term well-being because it offers you the chance to change your relationship to difficult emotions.
You might wonder how you can come to know and expand your window of tolerance. One of the more effective ways is through mindfulness and self-compassion.
Expanding the Window of Tolerance with Mindfulness
Expanding your window of tolerance helps you navigate increasingly difficult experiences without becoming so easily overwhelmed. To expand the window, you must learn to notice when you are “triggered” or “hooked” into a negative reaction. Mindfulness helps you to tune into subtle messages in your body/mind, giving you insight about where and when you are triggered.
Mindfulness simultaneously offers immediate relief and long-term benefits. It is often described as the state of being intentionally aware of what is happening, as it is happening, without judgment. Psychiatrist and educator Dr. Dan Siegel describes it as “waking up from a life on automatic and being sensitive to novelty in our everyday experiences. Instead of being on automatic and mindless, mindfulness helps us awaken to moment-by-moment experience.” In other words, mindfulness gives us what psychotherapist Linda Graham calls “choice points” or opportunities where change becomes possible.
Mindfulness teaches you to be an observer of sensations in the body and the feelings associated with them. In this shift from immersion to observation, you can tolerate painful feelings as they arise and access your thinking mind with more clarity.
Change becomes possible because mindfulness prevents over-identification. When you are triggered, you are immersed in the experience and accompanying sensations, feelings, and thoughts. Mindfulness teaches you to be an observer of sensations in the body and the feelings associated with them. In this shift from immersion to observation, you can tolerate painful feelings as they arise and access your thinking mind with more clarity.
According to meditation teacher and psychotherapist Tara Brach, mindful awareness has two qualities: seeing what is true and holding with love what is seen. You can ask two simple questions to create mindful awareness.
- What is happening right now? Seeing what is true is noticing the thoughts, feelings, and/or sensations arising in the moment from the observer’s point of view.
- Can I just let it be? Holding whatever arises with love means gently noticing each thought, feeling, and/or sensation with as much self-compassion as you would for your best friend. It’s one thing to get some distance on the patterns leading to overwhelm, but holding yourself and the part of you that is overwhelmed with compassion will make or break your ability to calm yourself.
Continuing to Expand the Window of Tolerance with Self-Compassion
If there is one thing I’d like you to take away from this article, it is to know every moment of suffering is an opportunity to give yourself love and compassion.
Self-compassion helps transform overwhelm and other difficult feelings by teaching us to cultivate kind, connected presence for ourselves. Kristin Neff, researcher of self-compassion and co-creator of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, says there are three main ways to initiate self-compassion:
- Kind words
- Caring tone of voice
- Soothing gestures
Self-compassion increases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain and, in turn, amplifies feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness. A key thing to remember, however, is that self-compassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings. If you use self-compassion practices only to try to make bad feelings go away, you create the requirement that receiving compassion is valuable only if it removes the pain of life. Continue the practice of giving and receiving loving kindness without conditions, even when the pain doesn’t go away. By doing so, you create the habit of approaching yourself and others with kindness. You may feel more positive emotions as a result, but treat them more like a wonderful side effect than a goal. The long-term goal is to cultivate mindful self-compassion in as many situations as possible, and this takes time.
One of the most important points about this approach is to fully receive the compassion you offer yourself. This means to give yourself permission to get into it! This may be challenging at first because you are likely used to spending your energy on avoiding or managing overwhelm. If you shift your focus from avoidance to being compassionate with the part of you that is overwhelmed, you may be surprised how much you are able to expand your window of tolerance.
Reference:
Neff, K. (2011, June 27). The chemicals of care: How self-compassion manifests in our bodies. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristin-neff/self-compassion_b_884665.html