Patterns are repetitive behaviours, thoughts, or emotional reactions that develop over time and are often connected to underlying beliefs. Whether we realize it or not, patterns shape the way we respond to situations, interact with others, and see ourselves. The more we repeat a behaviour or thought process, the more our brain accepts it as normal or true.

Patterns
Self-awareness
Underlying beliefs
Healthier habits

In this blog

	How patterns work
	Positive and negative patterns
	Where patterns begin
	A personal pattern example
	Awareness creates choice

How Patterns Work

For example, someone may believe that every time they walk a certain route home, they always trip over the same uneven piece of sidewalk. Instead of changing their route or paying closer attention, they continue to walk the same way and expect the same outcome. Over time, the belief becomes reinforced: "I always fall there." This is how patterns work. They repeat themselves until we become aware enough to interrupt them.

Positive and Negative Patterns

Not all patterns are negative. Some patterns can improve our quality of life and support our well-being. Regular exercise, maintaining healthy relationships, practicing self-care, or connecting with loved ones are all positive patterns that can increase happiness and emotional stability. However, many patterns can also become limiting or destructive.

Some common negative patterns include:

	Entering unhealthy or destructive relationships
	Procrastinating
	Avoiding exercise or healthy habits
	Being chronically late
	Overcommitting
	People-pleasing
	Perfectionism

Even when these patterns create stress or unhappiness, people often continue repeating them because they are deeply rooted and largely unconscious.

Where Patterns Begin

Many of our patterns begin in childhood. The way we were raised, the experiences we had, and the messages we received from parents, society, and the media all contribute to how we see ourselves and how we behave. From a young age, we begin forming beliefs about our worth, safety, acceptance, and success. These beliefs can follow us into adulthood and influence our decisions without us fully realizing it.

A gentle place to start

If a repeated pattern is affecting your mood, relationships, or daily life, a therapist can help you explore it without judgment. You can use GoodTherapy’s directory to find a therapist who fits your needs.

A Personal Pattern Example

I recently became more aware of one of my own recurring patterns with the help of my partner. Sometimes the people closest to us can recognize behaviours that we cannot easily see ourselves. My pattern involves rushing around at the last minute before leaving the house. Looking back, I realize I have done this for years.

Before going somewhere, I often start multiple unnecessary tasks that suddenly feel urgent. I might begin doing dishes, vacuuming, or starting laundry even though I know I do not really have enough time. The result is always the same: I feel stressed, rushed, and overwhelmed.

At first, I thought I simply struggled with time management. However, after reflecting more deeply, I realized there was a belief underneath the behaviour. I had developed a fear of being judged if my house was not perfectly clean. Once I became aware of this belief, I started to better understand why I kept repeating the same stressful pattern.

Notice the belief underneath

A pattern often makes more sense when you can see the belief, fear, or pressure beneath it. That awareness can make the next choice feel a little more possible.

Awareness Creates Choice

Awareness has allowed me to begin making different choices. Instead of automatically reacting to the anxiety I feel, I can pause and ask myself what is truly important in the moment. I still struggle with this pattern sometimes but recognizing it has helped me approach it with more intention and self-awareness.

Even while writing this, I can relate to the challenge of balancing priorities. My workspace may not be perfectly organized, I may want more time to exercise, and there are always other tasks competing for attention. However, understanding my patterns helps me decide what truly matters instead of reacting automatically out of stress or fear.

Patterns are deeply rooted and changing them takes time. The first step is becoming aware of what is no longer working in your life. Once we identify the behaviours and beliefs that keep repeating, we can begin making conscious choices that support healthier habits and healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

Awareness creates choice. When we understand our patterns, we are no longer stuck repeating them automatically. Instead, we gain the ability to create new patterns that better align with the life we want to live.

Frequently Asked Questions

Common questions about recognizing patterns and making small changes.

Q: What are patterns in behavior and thinking? +

A: Patterns are repeated behaviours, thoughts, or emotional reactions that develop over time. They can shape how a person responds to situations, relationships, and self-understanding.

Q: Are all patterns negative? +

A: No. Some patterns, such as regular exercise, self-care, and connection with loved ones, can support well-being. Patterns become a concern when they repeatedly create stress, unhappiness, or disconnection.

Q: Why do patterns keep repeating? +

A: Patterns can be deeply rooted and largely unconscious. They may be connected to earlier experiences, repeated messages, old beliefs, or familiar ways of responding to stress.

Q: What is the first step in changing a pattern? +

A: The first step is becoming aware of what is no longer working. Awareness creates choice, which can make it possible to respond with more intention instead of repeating the same automatic response.

Sources and Further Reading

	PMC: Habit and Health-Related Behavior	→
	NCBI Bookshelf: Cognitive Behavior Therapy	→
	NIMH: Psychotherapies	→
	GoodTherapy: Self-Compassion and the Inner Critic	→
	GoodTherapy: Core Beliefs and Mental Health	→
	GoodTherapy: How to Stop Procrastinating	→
	GoodTherapy: People-Pleasing Behavior	→

Support for New Patterns

Therapy can help you explore repeated patterns and practice new responses with more compassion and support.

Find a Therapist Near You >

About the Author Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCP Registered Social Worker in Airdrie, Alberta Bobbie Cochrane, MC, RSW, CCP supports people navigating trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and stress management. Her work emphasizes a compassionate, goal-focused process that helps people move forward while making sense of the experiences that shaped them. Her approach may include EMDR, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, and self-awareness practices. In this article, she reflects on how recognizing repeated thoughts, feelings, and actions can help people approach change with more intention and choice. View Bobbie Cochrane’s GoodTherapy Profile >

Every January, you promise yourself this will be the year. You may think: This time, I’ll finally lose the weight, cut back on drinking, stop feeling so anxious, or fix that relationship I’ve been neglecting.

You may make it through January, but the failure rate for many New Year’s resolutions hovers around 80%. After a month or two into the new year, you might have given up on your goal and may be carrying the additional weight of disappointment and self-blame.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. More importantly, you may not be failing because you lack willpower or discipline. When you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year without lasting change, it may be time to consider a different possibility: how mental health is involved.

Why Do I Keep Failing at My New Year’s Resolutions?

If only 9% of Americans ultimately keep their resolutions, this means the vast majority of people struggle just like you do. But while fitness gurus and self-help books will tell you to set smarter goals, track your habits, or find an accountability partner, these strategies often miss a crucial truth: behavioral change is nearly impossible when underlying mental health conditions are working against you.

The Willpower Myth: Why “Just Try Harder” Doesn’t Work

For decades, we’ve been told that willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. But actually, the very belief that you just need more self-control may be setting you up for failure.

Success is often influenced by a combination of personality traits, environmental factors, and social contexts rather than willpower alone. In reality, when you’re battling anxiety, depression, undiagnosed ADHD, or trauma, your brain is working with fundamentally different resources.

How Mental Health Conditions Sabotage Your Goals

The resolutions you make year after year to lose weight, drink less, manage anxiety, and improve relationships aren’t random. They’re often symptoms of deeper struggles that haven’t been identified or addressed. Consider what other factors might be at play, and give yourself some newfound grace.

When Depression Derails Your Best Intentions

This year, you may plan to exercise more, eat better, or reconnect with friends. But anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues are common conditions that nearly 21 million adults in the U.S. deal with each year (as of 2021 data).

While it manifests differently from person to person, depression doesn’t just make you feel sad: it fundamentally alters your motivation, energy levels, and ability to experience pleasure. When you’re depressed, the activities that would help you feel better feel impossibly difficult.

ADHD: The Hidden Hurdle

Many adults struggle for years without realizing they have Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity (ADHD). They may just think they’re lazy, undisciplined, or fundamentally flawed. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation, and consistency, leading to self-sabotaging behavior like missed deadlines, emotional outbursts, or difficulty following routines.

Living with ADHD can make it difficult to reach your goals and find a routine that works. Your resolution to wake up earlier, stick to a budget, or stop procrastinating faces up against mental health factors that no amount of determination or “willpower” can overcome.

Anxiety and the Self-Sabotage Cycle

If you want to be less anxious this year, you might make resolutions to meditate, practice self-care, or “worry less.” But anxiety has a way of hijacking your best efforts, whether it’s related to politics, finances, relationships, the holidays, or more. These deep-rooted beliefs and thinking patterns can fuel all kinds of fears that can result in procrastination or avoidance. If left unchecked, this can lead to general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

Ironically, the very act of setting ambitious goals can trigger anxiety about failure, which confirms your worst fears about yourself. It’s a cycle that feels impossible to break on your own. Luckily, anxiety (and depression and ADHD) is a very treatable and common condition that doesn’t have to get in your way.

Depression, ADHD, and anxiety are not the only mental health issues that can make reaching your annual goals a challenge. Substance abuse challenges, trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and others might be at play. The first step, though, is doing some self-evaluation and talking to a licensed mental health professional.

What Does Self-Sabotage Really Look Like?

Getting in your own way isn’t always obvious, and it doesn’t always look like giving up. Knowing the below signs of self-sabotage can equip you with the tools to interrupt your harmful patterns and start reaching your goals:

Low self-esteem and unfounded beliefs about being deficient, not good enough, incapable, or unintelligent contribute to self-defeating behavior. These core beliefs fuel fears about performance and can cause procrastination or avoidance.

If you find yourself getting in your own way, remember: These patterns aren’t character flaws. They’re often learned responses to unmet emotional needs. Plus, they’re incredibly common among people with undiagnosed mental health conditions.

How Do I Know If I Need Professional Help?

If you’re reading this and wondering whether your resolution struggles signal something deeper, try asking yourself these questions:

Prioritizing your mental health needs doesn’t have to follow a significant or traumatic event in your life. It can be the natural next step if you notice the little things adding up and your resolutions getting harder and harder to achieve.

What Can Therapy Actually Do for My Resolutions?

Despite what some may think, therapy isn’t about having someone tell you to try harder or hold you accountable. It’s about uncovering and addressing the root causes that have been affecting your efforts all along. Finding emotional healing starts with a diagnosis, if applicable, exploring root causes, and building the skills to manage your needs.

Accurate Diagnosis Changes Everything

A thorough evaluation for a specific condition, or a few, might seem scary and overwhelming. But getting an accurate diagnosis gives you clarity. Suddenly, your struggles have a name and a framework. Whether you have ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, or another condition, early identification improves the effectiveness of treatment and improves your overall quality of life. You’re not broken or lazy: you’re dealing with a legitimate challenge that has real solutions.

Therapy Addresses the “Why,” Not Just the “What”

Resolutions and therapy may share the same end goal of bettering yourself, but they approach it in very different ways. Resolution-setting focuses on behavior: eat less, exercise more, save money. Therapy digs into why those behaviors have been so difficult to sustain.

A skilled therapist can help you:

You Learn Skills That Last Beyond January

Therapy is not meant to give you a one-time fix for a sticky situation or a script for handling one tough conversation. Therapy approaches are long-term treatments that can be very helpful in creating lasting change. Some common frameworks include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to name a few.

Making Therapy Your Resolution This Year

This year, instead of resolving to change your behavior through just more willpower and determination, consider making a different commitment: to understand yourself better and get the support you deserve.

When finding a therapist, look for someone who:

Seeking therapy is about acknowledging that you’ve been fighting an uphill battle with limited tools and wanting to make a change, not admitting defeat. With proper treatment, you can work towards genuine self-motivation.

Take the First Step Towards a Healthier You

Change takes time, and it doesn’t have to start with a sweeping life overhaul. It can start with one phone call, one appointment, one honest conversation about what you’ve been struggling with. Setting New Year’s resolutions already proves you have the desire to change, so now it’s time to get the support that makes change possible.

Find a therapist near you who can help you understand what’s been holding you back and build a path forward that actually works for your life and your unique circumstances.

Nineteen years ago, I made a decision that changed my life: I had gastric bypass surgery. At the time, I weighed 365 pounds, and my relationship with food, my body, and even my self-worth was deeply complicated. Today, I’ve lost and maintained a weight loss of 230 pounds, but what I’ve learned about the weight loss mental health connection has been even more transformative than the physical changes. While the surgery was a powerful tool, the real work, the kind that often goes unnoticed, has been mental, emotional, and deeply personal.

In the last two years, I added a GLP-1 medication to my routine, which has helped support my continued progress. Make no mistake: medication and surgery are not shortcuts. They are tools, and the real, lasting transformation has come from reshaping my mindset and prioritizing my mental health.

The Mental Side of Weight Loss No One Talks About

We often hear about diet plans, workout regimens, and before-and-after photos. What’s less visible is the emotional and psychological journey that runs alongside the physical one. For me, this was the hardest part.

Research consistently shows that bariatric surgery affects mental health significantly, with studies indicating both positive and negative psychological changes post-surgery. Before surgery, food was more than just fuel; it was comfort, distraction, and a coping mechanism. After surgery, I had to relearn how to eat, but even more importantly, I had to relearn why I eat. That’s where mental health came into play.

Healing My Relationship With Food: A Weight Loss Mental Health Journey

Gastric bypass changes your anatomy, but not your mindset. I had to face the habits and beliefs I carried with me for years. I had to confront emotional eating patterns, self-sabotage, and a negative internal dialogue that often told me I wasn’t “good enough” or that I’d always struggle.

Research demonstrates that psychological interventions targeting emotional eating can be highly effective, with cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based treatments, and acceptance-based therapies showing significant improvements in both emotional eating behaviors and weight outcomes.

Therapy, journaling, support groups, and self-reflection became just as important as meal planning and exercise. I learned to check in with myself emotionally before meals. Was I really hungry? Or was I stressed, bored, anxious, or sad?

Mindset: The Hidden Engine Behind Success

Losing weight and keeping it off for nearly two decades has taught me that mindset is everything. I’ve had to be patient when progress slowed. I’ve had to stay grounded when the scale didn’t move, and I’ve had to keep showing up for myself, even when it felt hard.

A growth mindset, believing that I can change, adapt, and grow, has carried me through setbacks and plateaus. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s research demonstrates that individuals with a growth mindset consistently outperform those with a fixed mindset, particularly when facing challenges.

I stopped seeing challenges as failures and began to see them as part of the journey. This shift in perspective has been crucial to my resilience and long-term success.

The addition of GLP-1 medication over the past two years has given me another helpful tool, especially when it comes to appetite regulation and managing food cravings. The medication didn’t erase the need for mindful eating, therapy, or self-care. If anything, it amplified the importance of those things.

Nutrition Isn’t Just Science—It’s Personal

Nutrition advice is everywhere, but what works for one person may not work for another. I’ve had to learn what my body needs, how to listen to its signals, and how to feed it with both nutrition and self-compassion. Some days I eat to nourish, other days I eat for joy. I’ve learned that both are okay, and balance, not perfection, is the key to sustainable health.

Understanding that weight loss can be difficult helped me set realistic expectations and develop patience with the process. This acknowledgment actually improved my long-term success rather than hindering it.

Final Thoughts

Today, I live in a body that feels strong and capable. More importantly, I live with a mind that’s kinder, more resilient, and more aware. My journey hasn’t been linear or easy. It’s been filled with detours, lessons, and growth. Through it all, the most significant transformation hasn’t just been what I see in the mirror, it’s how I see myself.

If you’re on your own weight loss or health journey, know this: your mindset matters. Your mental health matters. You are so much more than a number on the scale. Consider focusing on positive behavioral changes rather than just the number on the scale, this approach often leads to more sustainable, lasting results.

The Mayo Clinic emphasizes that gaining control over emotional eating requires addressing both the psychological triggers and developing healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, if you’re struggling with emotional barriers to weight loss or need support on your mental health journey, consider reaching out to a qualified therapist who can help you develop the tools and mindset for lasting change.

Absorbing the constant stream of startling headlines, news sources, political tensions, and global issues can feel overwhelming some days –– but we often can’t look away. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Most people (83% of adults) today experience stress about the future of the U.S. and news overload. If your mental and overall health are feeling impacted by the modern age’s constant information flow, this guide helps you recognize your doomscrolling habits and protect your well-being.

What Is Doomscrolling?

Do you find yourself scrolling through headline after news clip after social post that highlights distressing news, even when you know you’re tired or overwhelmed? Many people make doomscrolling a part of their daily life, but it’s taking a toll on our mental health as a society. Defined as constantly consuming distressing news, “doomscrolling” happens because upsetting news triggers your brain’s tendency to scan for danger and remain hypervigilant, even when your mental health is hurting.

You might already have a bad doomscrolling habit and feel its mental effects, but there are ways you can recognize and combat this behavior and better cope with news-related anxiety. As local, national, and global political and cultural landscapes continue to experience tensions and distress, protecting your mental health becomes that much more important.

News Overwhelm: The Mental Health Effects of Doomscrolling

Our self-preservation instinct to absorb more and more news is natural, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t unhealthy if left unchecked. Doomscrolling has proven impacts on society’s mental health, and this issue is growing year by year. A recent American Psychiatric Association study found that in 2024, 43% of adults felt more anxious than they did in both 2023 and 2022.

After doomscrolling, you probably feel anxious, but you might also experience other negative impacts. The following are just a few examples of ways your body reacts when you constantly consume distressing news on social media, television, and other publications:

• Sleep Procrastination: Doomscrolling in the evening can prevent you from getting enough healthy sleep as the scrolling becomes more and more unproductive and upsetting. Your mood and cognitive function might be impacted the next day.
• Worsened Social Connections: Spending significant time and energy scrolling through upsetting news can deplete your mental load, so you have less energy to recharge with friends and family.
• Less Exercise and Sunshine: When you doomscroll inside for hours on end, your body is often sedentary and does not get the exercise and vitamin D it deserves — which can impact your mood and mental well-being.

Staying informed on current events and the news is indeed important, and you might find great value in connecting with others and joining meaningful conversations on social media. Yet, we know that finding the balance between harmful habits and productive change can be challenging. If you are educated on the mental health impacts of scrolling, news coverage myths, and healthy habits for media consumption, you can prevent the negative effects of doomscrolling before they snowball.

Read More: Want to Learn More About the News Cycle and Mental Health? Read Our Guide

Myths About News Consumption and Mental Health: What to Know

You might not be able to completely escape the news, but you can be educated on how to absorb information in a productive, healthy way. As you work to stay informed about current events, keep in mind these three common myths about news consumption:

• Myth 1: Staying Informed Requires Constant Attention: You don’t have to continually consume all media to remain educated. In fact, you can be smart and thoughtful about how and when you take in the news.
• Myth 2: All News Is Complete: News headlines, articles, and stories don’t paint a complete picture. Absorb different perspectives and sources, but know that no piece of news has all the information.
• Myth 3: You Can’t Take Breaks: While it might feel like you have to be in the thick of the news each day, protect your well-being by giving yourself time to learn, space to absorb, and time to reset so you stay healthy.

With these tools, you can balance staying engaged in current events and prioritizing your mental health.

Tips for Managing News Anxiety

A stressful news event might affect you differently than it does someone else. Whether it’s wars, high gas prices, changing healthcare regulations, stories of racism and discrimination, or general violence, the news cycle can trigger different responses in different people. When you’re reading and watching news, keep these general guidelines in mind so you can protect your well-being while you stay informed:

• Be Aware of Your Limits: Taking breaks, muting news, or unfollowing distressing accounts can all help you pace yourself.
• Participate in Your Community: Make an impact by investing time, money, or resources into others for a meaningful cause.
• Use Your Voice: Speak up and act on injustices and distressing events in the world.
• Don’t Neglect Your Feelings: Learn healthy coping mechanisms for managing your feelings, and explore therapy when you need extra support.
• Protect Your Health: You can’t be the best version of yourself without prioritizing your physical, mental, spiritual, and psychological health. Find ways to foster these different components in your life.

Sometimes, news anxiety and overwhelm can feel especially personal and triggering. If you’re seeking support from someone who understands your unique experiences, identities, and feelings, GoodTherapy has a handful of culturally competent professionals prepared to help you navigate mental health challenges related to intersectional identities.

How Therapy Professionals Can Help 

As news and information continue to circulate, you might need the tools to balance being informed with staying mentally healthy. By recognizing the dangers of doomscrolling, keeping general tips in mind, and seeking professional help, you can limit doomscrolling and spend more time making a difference. 

GoodTherapy’s trusted, patient-centered therapists are prepared to help you navigate through whatever mental health needs you have, including achieving a doomscrolling detox. Find the right therapist for you through GoodTherapy and know that you are not alone: there is help for you.

External Sources:

American Psychological Association 

Harvard Health Publishing

University Hospitals

Forbes

Let’s be honest: Reality television has become America’s not-so-secret obsession. Whether it’s your guilty pleasure after a long day, the background noise while you’re scrolling your phone, or something you swear you’d never watch (but somehow know all the contestants’ names), there’s no denying we’re consuming more reality TV than ever before.

From the drama-filled villas of Love Island to the backstabbing brilliance of The Traitors, from the soaring vocals on The Voice to the rose ceremonies on The Bachelor — these shows have us hooked, and they’re undeniably entertaining. Still, researchers and mental health professionals are increasingly worried about the impact this “harmless” entertainment might be doing to our mental health, especially as it relates to body image.

If you’ve ever felt a knot in your stomach after watching impossibly perfect people find love on a tropical island or noticed your mood dip after a reality TV binge, you’re not alone. These shows are messing with our minds in ways we’re only beginning to understand, and the impact on how we see ourselves, especially our bodies, is becoming impossible to ignore.

Take Love Island USA, for instance. This longtime fan favorite has been called out for years over its harmful body image messaging, yet the most recent season (which premiered June 3rd, 2025) serves up more of the same. It might be your go-to guilty pleasure, but it’s worth asking: What’s the real cost of the “Love Island Effect” on our mental health?

Below is a deeper dive into the show’s impact on our mental health — from the show’s impossible beauty standards to the direct psychological toll it takes on us — plus some practical ways to enjoy your reality TV fix without letting it mess with your self-worth.

Negative Body Image and Mental Health: Understanding the Connection

When it comes to what shapes your mental health, body image plays a bigger role than you may realize. The way you see yourself in the mirror isn’t just about vanity: it’s deeply connected to your overall well-being and self-worth. When those thoughts are persistently negative, your mind can suffer.

Poor body image can trigger or worsen a number of conditions or symptoms: 

• Anxiety and depression 
• Body dysmorphia 
• Eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia 
• Feelings of shame and guilt 
• Self-esteem 
• An unhealthy obsession with body type

Learning how body image affects mental health isn’t just important: it’s essential if you want to take care of yourself, feel better in your own skin, and help others do the same. There are four components to body image you should know: what you see when you look at yourself (perceptual), how that makes you feel (affective), what you think about it (cognitive), and what you do as a result (behavioral).

Here’s the kicker: Reality TV and social media can mess with any or all of these layers, creating a perfect storm for mental health struggles.

The good news? If you’re battling negative body image, you don’t have to go it alone. Therapy professionals are specially trained to help you spot reality TV’s toxic influence and flip the script on how you see yourself. They can even coach you through tough conversations about body image with friends and family, helping curate a more positive message to the people you care about.

Read More: Wondering How to Talk to Your Child About Their Body? Start Here 

The Popularity of Reality TV

Despite all the hand-wringing about reality TV’s impact on our mental health, we’re watching more of it than ever. In fact, reality shows now make up a staggering 57% of all available TV programming. The message is crystal clear — reality TV isn’t just a guilty pleasure anymore: It’s become part of our daily media diet.

How Reality TV Impacts Body Image

You’ve probably encountered at least one of the Love Island franchises, whether it’s the UK, Australia, France, Germany, or USA version. Yet, what stays consistent across every beach and villa is the show’s basic formula of putting conventionally attractive twenty-somethings in swimwear and watching them compete for love — and the troubling impact it has on how we see ourselves.

The numbers are pretty sobering. New research from the Mental Health Foundation reveals that nearly 25% of 18-to-24-year-olds say reality TV makes them worry about their body image. The newest debut of Love Island USA, season 7, exacerbates this widespread concern. The cast is another lineup of people who fit that narrow definition of “beach body ready” and have likely had cosmetic work done.  Love Island is certainly not alone in promoting unhealthy body standards, but researchers are particularly worried about the show’s so-called “Love Island Effect”: when viewers don’t just watch the show but also start questioning their own appearance and considering cosmetic procedures.

Despite the show’s lack of body diversity and some franchise changes, like offering mental health support for contestants after the show, Love Island USA celebrates the same, negative idea about body image: that true physical beauty does not include plus-sized bodies and only celebrates those with toned physiques and cosmetic enhancements.

Understanding how your TV habits affect your mental health is just the beginning. Actually building a positive body image, though, is the real work. Learn some concrete steps you can take to reset your perspective and find the support you need to feel good in your own skin.

How to Develop a Positive Body Image

As you grab the remote this week to turn on your favorite reality TV show, stop yourself and remember this key fact: the people you see on TV both represent skewed body ideals and likely struggle with body image issues themselves. 

While GoodTherapy’s expert therapists are ready to help you tackle any body image challenges head-on, you can start protecting your mental health right now with these three game-changing strategies:

1. Set Boundaries: Think of boundaries as your personal protection measures — whether physical, mental, or emotional. They’re your first line of defense in protecting your peace of mind.
2. Fight Back With Cognitive Dissonance: Recognize and combat toxic beauty standards. See something unrealistic? Call it out. Challenge it verbally or take action against it.
3. Remember the Ultimate Goal: Self-love isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for your best friend might not work for you, and that’s okay. The freedom that comes with genuine self-acceptance? That’s universal.

These are the big-picture strategies, but let’s get practical. Here are some small but mighty actions that can transform how you see yourself:

• Start your day with positive affirmations (yes, they actually work) 
• Chase health, not a number on the scale 
• Spread compliments freely to others and yourself 
• Make a list of what you love about yourself (and read it often) 
• Catch yourself comparing and shut it down 
• Notice when your inner critic gets loud and stop it in its tracks 
• Remember you’re more than just a body: you’re a whole person

Fighting back against TV’s toxic body standards doesn’t mean you have to give up Bachelor in Paradise or stop rooting for your favorite Survivor contestant. It just means watching with your eyes wide open and recognizing your triggers so you can practice foundational skills in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). When you notice yourself making comparisons while watching Love Island, that awareness itself is the first step toward change.

Read More: Want to Learn About the Importance of CBT? Start Learning Now

How You Can Watch Love Island and Protect Your Mental Health 

You don’t have to navigate this mental health journey solo. GoodTherapy’s trained professionals understand how reality TV affects mental health. They’re equipped with tools and strategies to help you build a healthier relationship with your body image.

With the right support, you don’t have to break up with Love Island USA this summer. You can absolutely keep up with all the villa drama while also working on rebuilding your confidence and protecting your mental health. It’s not about choosing between entertainment and self-care: it’s about finding that sweet spot where you can enjoy both.

Ready to take that first step? Find the right therapist for you, today!

Sources:

Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute: Body Perceptions and Psychological Well-Being

Reality TV Statistics by Shows, Franchise, Demographics and Popularity

Which American Genres Have the Highest Global Demand?

Popularity of Reality TV as Online Video Content Genre in the U.S. 2019-2023 as of June 2024, by Quarter

Mental Health Foundation Raises Fears About Impact of Reality TV on Young Viewers

The Issue of Diverse Body Representation on Reality TV Goes Way Beyond Love Island

Reality TV Fuels Body Anxiety in Young People, Survey Says

It May be Time to Seek a Therapist

We all reach moments in life when things feel like too much — when struggles pile up, and even small tasks feel overwhelming. Maybe you’ve noticed it’s harder to get through the day, or that your once-familiar joy just isn’t there anymore. It’s not always easy to tell when a rough patch has become something deeper, but being aware of certain signs can help you decide when to reach out for extra support. When any type of mental health or emotional concern affects daily life and function, therapy may be recommended. Therapy can help you learn about what you’re feeling, why you might be feeling it, and how to cope. Psychotherapy, talk or talking therapy, counseling, or simply therapy — no matter the name it’s known by, mental health counseling can benefit people struggling with emotional difficulties, life challenges, and mental health concerns.

Why You Should Consider Therapy?

Seeking therapy isn’t about needing to be “fixed” or having something “wrong.” Instead, it’s a safe space where you can work through thoughts, emotions, and life’s complexities with someone who understands and has the tools to guide you toward feeling better. Therapy can help improve symptoms of many mental health conditions. In therapy, people can learn to cope with symptoms that may not respond to treatment right away. Research shows the benefits of therapy last longer than medication alone. Medication can reduce some symptoms of mental health conditions, but therapy teaches people skills to address many symptoms on their own. 

Therapy also lets you talk through life’s challenges, such as breakups, grief, parenting difficulties, health impacts, or family struggles. For example, couples counseling can help you and your partner work through relationship troubles and learn new ways of relating to each other. Note that crisis resources, not couples counseling, are typically recommended for abusive relationships.

If you’ve been wondering whether it’s time to ask for help, keep reading to learn about a few common signs that therapy could bring you relief, greater understanding, and the strength to take on life’s challenges with a renewed sense of purpose.

How Common are Mental Health Issues?

Mental health issues are common. Recent statistics from the National Alliance on Mental Health show 1 out of every 5 American adults lives with a mental health condition, while 1 in 20 adults experience a serious mental health condition each year. 1 in 6 U.S. youth age 6-17 experience a mental health disorder.

But only about 40% of people with mental health issues get help. Untreated mental health issues often get worse and may have other negative effects. They could also lead to:

• Inability to work or go to school
• Difficulty in relationships or taking care of children
• Increased risk of health issues
• Hospitalization
• Suicide

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people in the United States between the ages of 10 and 34. About 90% of people who die by suicide in the U.S. lived with a mental health condition.

The best option for anyone contemplating suicide is to get immediate help is reaching out to a suicide helpline through phone, text message, or online chat. You may be encouraged to call or visit the nearest emergency room. A therapist can help support you going forward, once you are no longer in crisis.

The GoodTherapy registry might be helpful to you. We have thousands of therapists listed with us who would love to walk with you on your journey. Find the support you need today!

Recognizing the Signs You Could Benefit From Therapy

It may take some consideration before you decide you’re ready for therapy. You might want to wait and see if time, lifestyle changes, or the support of friends and family improves whatever you’re struggling with.

The American Psychological Association suggests you consider a time to see a therapist when something causes distress and interferes with some part of life, particularly when:

• Thinking about or coping with the issue takes up at least an hour each day
• The issue causes embarrassment or makes you want to avoid others
• The issue has caused your quality of life to decrease
• The issue has negatively affected school, work, or relationships
• You’ve made changes in your life or developed habits to cope with the issue

If you experience any of the following emotions or feelings to the extent that they interfere with life, therapy may help you reduce their effects. It’s especially important to consider it’s time to see a therapist if you feel controlled by symptoms or if they could cause harm to yourself or others.

1. Feeling Constantly Overwhelmed, Anxious, or Have Intrusive Thoughts. 

• While life is frequently stressful, constant feelings of overwhelm, unease, or anxiety can sometimes linger without relief and become so present that they negatively impact your daily life. When these feelings cause physical symptoms, constant intrusive thoughts, interfere with your ability to work, connect with others, or manage day-to-day responsibilities, it might be time to seek support. Therapy offers tools to manage anxiety and ways to identify its root causes, helping you regain a sense of calm and control.

2. Experiencing Persistent Sadness or Hopelessness.

• Sadness in certain quantities is a normal part of life, but if it persists or intensifies into depression, therapy can offer a safe space to work through your feelings. Losing hope or motivation, or feeling as if you have no future, can indicate depression or another mental health condition. Whether due to loss, major life changes, or something harder to pinpoint, a therapist can help you process dark days, find coping strategies, and regain hope.

3. Struggling with Self-Esteem or Negative Self-Talk.

• Feeling like you’re not enough or constantly doubting your self-worth can be exhausting and isolating. If self-criticism is holding you back from being social, pursuing goals, or feeling proud of yourself, therapy can help you see your inherent value. If you often compare yourself to others or constantly feel unworthy, these patterns could be signs that professional support may be needed.

4. Facing Major Life Transitions.

• Major changes, such as a new job, a move, political events, or a relationship shift, often come with their fair share of tough questions and difficult emotions. If these transitions leave you feeling stuck, unprepared, overly stressed, or totally lost, therapy can help you manage the change. Experiencing an intense fear of failure, regret, or constant second-guessing might be signs that professional support might be needed to make the transition smoother.

5. Difficulty in Relationships.

• Healthy relationships take effort, but if you find yourself facing recurring conflict, isolation, or trust issues, therapy can offer tools to navigate these challenges and strengthen your connection. Signs of recurring resentment, loneliness, or emotional distance are often early indicators that couples therapy or individual therapy might be necessary. Working with a relationship counselor can help you understand unhealthy patterns, improve communication, and build stronger, more fulfilling emotional bonds.

6. Turning to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms.

• Turning to habit-forming behaviors for comfort can provide a quick fix, but will often lead to lasting issues. If you’re increasingly relying on substances, excessive screen time, unhealthy eating, or other habits to cope, therapy can provide a better alternative. Exploring these patterns in a nonjudgmental space can offer clarity and provide new ways to handle stress in healthier, more sustainable ways. Signs like secrecy, guilt, or relying on substances or habit-forming activities to escape your emotions can indicate a need for support in making changes.

7. Difficulty After Trauma

• Unprocessed trauma can lead to flashbacks, hypervigilance, or a constant sense of unease. If you find yourself avoiding certain places or people, struggling with trust, fighting intrusive emotions, or feeling on edge without explanation, it might be time to consider therapy. Working through the trauma with a professional can help you feel safer, and more grounded, ultimately opening, and ultimately open the door for healing.

8. Feeling “Stuck” or Lacking Motivation.

• When you feel stuck, unmotivated, or disconnected from the things you once enjoyed, therapy can help you reestablish a sense of purpose. Processing these feelings with a therapist can provide fresh perspectives, renewed energy, and the inspiration you need to face life head-on.

9. You’re Interested in Bettering Yourself.

• If you’re asking whether or not you need therapy, you might want to go ahead and try it out. Therapy isn’t just for people with trauma or “something wrong” — professional mental guidance can benefit just about anyone by improving self-understanding, everyday coping strategies, empathy, communication, and so much more. Even the “healthiest” individuals can gain so much from having a protected space to share and reflect. You don’t need to wait for things to get bad before starting therapy, just like you shouldn’t wait for health problems to appear before starting regular checkups with a physician.

Additional Signs: 

Fatigue. 

• This physical symptom often results from or accompanies mental health issues. It can indicate depression. Fatigue can cause you to sleep more than usual or have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

Disproportionate rage, anger, or resentment. 

• Everyone feels anger at times. Even passing rage isn’t necessarily harmful. Seeking support to deal with these feelings may be a good idea when they don’t pass, are extreme compared to the situation, or if they lead you to take violent or potentially harmful actions.

Agoraphobia. 

• People with agoraphobia fear being in places where they might experience panic attacks or become trapped. Some people may become unable to leave their houses.

Apathy. 

• Losing interest in usual activities, the world around you, or life in general can indicate mental health issues like depression or anxiety.

Social Withdrawal

• Many people feel better when they’re able to spend at least some time alone. Introverted people may need even more time alone than others. But if you feel distressed around others or fear being with other people, therapy can help you understand and deal with these feelings.

What If I’ve Already Tried Therapy and It Didn’t Work?

Sometimes therapy doesn’t “work” right away. Even in an ideal therapy situation, it can take time for symptoms to improve. – months or years. Going to therapy and seeing no change may cause frustration. Perhaps you haven’t found the right therapist, so it’s worth it to continue your search for help. If you’re still experiencing any of the symptoms above, therapy should still be an option. Don’t stop your quest to improve your mental health.

It can help to look for a therapist who treats what you’re experiencing. If you don’t have a diagnosis, you can talk to potential therapists about your symptoms. Most therapists will let you know if they’re able to treat your concern. If they can’t, they may be able to recommend someone who can.

Keep in mind different approaches may be better for different issues. If you didn’t feel heard in your previous therapy, or if your symptoms have changed since your last therapy session, a different therapist might be exactly what you to move forward.

The Benefits to Seeking Therapy

If you’re considering therapy, you may be thinking about the possible drawbacks. Cost might be a concern for you. You might also be aware that therapy is often difficult. Trauma or other painful events from the past can be frightening to remember and discuss with someone. Working through challenges isn’t easy, and therapy isn’t always a quick fix. Make sure that when you’re ready to see a therapist that you can be honest with yourself and with your them.

But if you’re willing to do the work, therapy can be rewarding. It’s a safe, judgment-free space where you can share anything, with a trained professional who is there to help.

Here are a few benefits of therapy:

• You’ll learn more about yourself. Therapists listen to your story and help you make connections. They might offer guidance or recommendations if you feel lost. Therapy can empower you to take action on your own.
• Therapy can help you achieve your goals. If you aren’t sure of what your goals are, therapy can help you clarify them and set realistic steps to meet them.
• Therapy can help you have more fulfilling relationships. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, therapy can help you address difficulties relating to others, such as insecurity in relationships or difficulty trusting your partners.
• You’re more likely to have better health. Research supports a link between mind and body wellness. Untreated mental health issues can impact physical wellness. On the other hand, people in good emotional health may be more able to deal with physical health issues that arise.
• Therapy can lead to improvement in all areas of life. If you feel like something is holding you back from living life as you envision it, therapy can help you address this. When you aren’t sure what’s keeping you from making change, therapy can help you discover the answer.

How Therapy Can Help You Move Forward

If you recognize the signs that a change is needed, starting therapy could provide a gateway to greater well-being. It’s more than just talking about what’s not right — it’s a chance to explore new perspectives, recognize patterns, and build skills that help you manage stress, strengthen relationships, and improve your overall mental state. With the right therapist, you’ll work together to set goals that feel meaningful to you, taking small steps that create lasting change.

At GoodTherapy, we make it easy to find the perfect therapist for your individual personality and needs, cutting the guesswork and difficulty out of finding empowering support. Whatever challenges you face, remember you’re not alone — help is here when you’re ready.

Even if you aren’t sure you want to commit to therapy, many therapists offer a free first session or phone consultation to talk through what you’re dealing with. Based on your symptoms, they might encourage you to get help. Begin your search for a therapist today!

If you believe you may need help beyond or in addition to a therapist, GoodTherapy Recovery Treatment Centers provide additional options to help beat addictions.

When you begin your mental health journey, you will be astounded to see similar hurdles with friends and loved ones. Finding the right way to communicate the need to “get help” can be challenging due to the lingering stigma surrounding therapy. This should serve as a guide or inspiration if you find yourself in this situation with someone close or an acquaintance.

Here are tips to navigate the “Go get therapy!” conversation:

1. Ask Permission:

Begin the conversation with “May I ask about your mental health?” or “May I please speak to you about a personal topic?” While this phrase may seem awkward or silly, when you ask permission to address this topic it will instantly bring the attention to your conversation and set the tone for kindness. Asking permission allows the other party to have agency, and this invites them rather than forces them to hear your concerns.

2. Be Vulnerable:

If you have had mental health support in the past, or if you wish you would have had the help of a therapist, speaking from your own experience can “normalize” the topic. When we relate a personal situation and show our vulnerability we invite the other person to be equally vulnerable.

3. Share Practical Resources:

When you express your concern for the mental health of someone else, you may find that having a practical resource is a great tool. You may suggest that the individual contact their Primary Care Doctor, or their insurance company. If your friend or loved one would benefit from a consultation with Bridge to Wellness Counseling, please email Support@BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com. Our practice policy is to always provide referrals to other resources if there is a waiting list. This ensures that your friend won’t be turned away without guidance.

4. Address the Stigma:

We still live in a society where talking about mental health, mental illness, or even going to therapy has some lingering negative connotation. By expressing that this topic can be uncomfortable, that it is hard to face, and that there may be some judgment in this area is realistic. Every time we address this stigma we are making the effect less difficult on ourselves and our community. This is a very small way to make a difference on an individual level.

5. Escalate the Issue:

Mental illness can be serious and there may be times when this conversation takes a challenging turn. Never hesitate to call 911 or 988 for a mental health emergency.

6. Bonus Tip:

If you are unsure if your friend or loved one is in a mental health crisis, always err on the side of caution. You may save a life.

To make a referral to Bridge to Wellness Counseling, you may email Support@BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com. You can reach us by call or text at 415-870-6494. We offer a free consultation for all prospective clients, and this can be booked directly on the website at www.BridgetoWellnessCounselingSF.com.

Are you looking for mental health counseling but don’t know where to start? It can feel daunting and overwhelming. Here’s a step-by-step guide to finding the right care for you. 

Online or In-Person Sessions

First, figure out a couple of things. Do you want to use insurance or are you willing to self-pay? Think also about whether you are looking to do in-person sessions or online therapy. Some clinicians provide both in-person and online counseling, while others only provide online counseling, and still others only provide in-person therapy. As a side note, with teletherapy, you have a wider pool of therapists to choose from, because you are no longer confined to just those near you. You can now choose any therapist in your state, as long as they are  licensed to practice in that state. For example, my practice is based in San Antonio, TX, but with teletherapy, I can see any client in the whole state of Texas. The format of therapy and your preferred method of payment will inform your search so it’s helpful to have an idea at the outset.  

If you want to go the insurance route, go to your insurance’s website and search for an in-network provider. Look for the “behavioral health” section of an insurance’s website and search through a directory of providers. This is probably the most straightforward way to search for a provider that accepts your insurance. The downside to this way of searching is that the directory is simply a list of names, credentials, and addresses. The directory does not provide any information that gives you a sense of what each person is like as a clinician – which is often important for many before they are willing to pick up the phone. From this list, you have to do your own googling to find out more about them. 

Look at Online Therapist Directories

Alternatively, you can go to online therapist directories like GoodTherapy or Psychology Today and search for clinicians. The benefit of this type of search is that you can immediately get a sense of what each clinician is like from how they sound in their profiles, and you can also put a face to the name as most include their pictures. Most also include information about whether they accept insurance and which ones. With this route, you will have to set your own filters to find a clinician that will accept your desired form of payment (insurance vs. self-pay).

Right about now in the process, you might be confused with all the different credentials: MD, PhD, LMFT, LPC, LMSW…which one do I want? Here is a quick breakdown. MD’s in this case are Psychiatrists, who are physicians who specialize in mental or behavioral illnesses. They can prescribe medication, provide psychiatric tests, and some offer psychotherapy. PhD’s are Psychologists, who focus on one area of psychology, including educational, child, clinical, or counseling. They offer mental health and psychological testing, and most offer psychotherapy. Master’s-level clinicians, which include Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT), Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC), and Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW), are clinicians who focus on providing psychotherapy. Unless you are specifically looking for someone who can prescribe medication, in which case you need a Psychiatrist, you don’t need to be too bogged down by which type of credential the clinician has, as much as making sure you feel comfortable with the clinician’s approach and style. For example, some clinicians have an interactive and engaging style, while others have a more reserved style. Whether there is a match between your therapist’s style and what you’re looking for is something that you will most likely be able to only tell once you’ve spoken to them a little – and that brings us to the next step.  

Then, once you have narrowed down your search to a few clinicians, it’s time to reach out to them. You will need to reach out to find out if they are even accepting new clients. If they are, most offer a brief phone consultation before meeting to connect and get to know one another a little bit. These phone consultations typically are offered free of charge. They will want to know a little bit of what you want to work on, and this is a chance for you to see if you feel comfortable talking to them. 

Get Ready for Your First Session

Finally, once you find the clinician who meets your criteria and is available, get ready for your first session. Think about what you want to get out of the session – and go in with an open mind. Some people know right away if a therapist is going to be a fit for them, while others need a few sessions to feel them out. Either way, this is your therapy, your life – do what feels right for YOU.  

And there you have it. I hope you find the right therapist for you. With the right clinician, therapy can be a deeply rewarding journey with long-term benefits. 

From navigating parenthood to coping with work stress, there are a seemingly endless number of challenges couples will have to grapple with over the course of their relationship, and sometimes we need a little extra help to get through the more trying times.   

In fact, one survey found that about 70% of respondents wished they had better information on how to deal with conflicts in their relationships.  

However, being open to couple’s counseling demonstrates a relationship where both partners are committed to improving themselves and each other’s lives. 

Therapy may be daunting for those who have never been, but it certainly does not have to be. Learn how to find the right therapist for you and your partner and make the most out of your sessions.   

 Preparing for Therapy 

Decide between in-person versus online therapy 

Before committing to a couples therapist, it’s important to determine whether you and your partner prefer in-person or online sessions. While most private insurers now cover both methods equally, it’s important to double-check with your plan to confirm. Once you consider the financial implications, you’ll also want to determine what works best for you and your partner.  

Some find in-person therapy to be more personal, as nonverbal cues – such as body language and mood –  can be harder to decipher over a video call, and building trust with a therapist may be easier face-to-face.  

On the flip side, many people prefer online therapy due to its convenience. Finding roughly an hour each week that works for three individuals’ schedules is not easy and being able to do so from the comfort of your home could increase the likelihood of long-term commitment. You may also find a therapist who is particularly experienced in working with clients with similar backgrounds or concerns as you, and it could be worth it to proceed online if they are not in close proximity. 

Despite initial concerns, particularly before the pandemic, teletherapy can be just as effective. One study found that 74% of couples switching from traditional in-person therapy to online therapy experienced a positive shift.  

Set realistic expectations  

Let’s outline what you can expect and not expect out of couples therapy.  

According to Lori Gottlieb, a prominent psychotherapist who is well-versed in both individual and relationship counseling: 

“The hardest part of couples therapy is accepting that you will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Very few people want to focus on improving their response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving,” she said.  

Regardless of why you’re seeking couples counseling, understand that, if done well, such therapy will require a change in behaviors and thought patterns for both parties.  

Here are some tough questions that will likely surface during sessions: 

• What can you do to make it easier for your partner to change behaviors you find frustrating? 
• Do you expect your partner to treat you better than you treat him/her? 
• Do you expect your partner to treat you better than you treat yourself? 

Common Stigmas and Misconceptions Behind Couples Therapy 

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be more willing to go to counseling than the other. This may be due to stigma around couples therapy, which is often rooted in the idea that seeking therapy means a relationship is doomed and/or there is an unwillingness to acknowledge arising fractures in a relationship.    

While about 60% of respondents in one survey stated they believe the stigma for such therapy has decreased, about a third still stated that it was a barrier for them in seeking counseling.  

But according to renowned couples therapist Dr. Margaret Rutherford, seeking a professional third party to help navigate your relationship challenges in a supportive and objective way is something even the healthiest of couples benefit from, and seeking professional counseling before deeply toxic patterns set in is the best way increases couples’ chances of long-term happiness. 

“As a couples therapist, hearing ‘We came in before there was a real problem’ is music to my ears,” Rutherford said. 

Other misconceptions include the concern that at least one partner will be scolded or reprimanded, or that the therapist will be one-sided. Counselors may be firm in holding you or your partner accountable in your statements or behaviors, but they should always communicate directly yet respectfully as well.  

 Questions to discuss prior to couples therapy 

Your sessions will be most effective if you begin counseling with an understanding of what you and your partner’s primary challenges and goals for therapy are. This can be as specific or broad as necessary, but outlining your obstacles and what you hope to accomplish out of counseling will provide a good starting point for your therapist, and it’s also an opportunity for you and your partner to ensure you are both aligned.   

Just like participation in a professional setting or on a sports team, if the group is not working toward the same goal, progress will be slim at best, and relying on one player or colleague to carry most of the weight would be unfair. Similarly, with couples, make sure you have a conversation about the top recurring issues you hope to remediate in the most respectful and blameless way possible. Remember, therapy objectives should not result in placing an overwhelming burden on one party.  

Let’s take a few examples: 

• If infidelity has been an issue in your relationship, instead of stating that your goal is to make sure your partner doesn’t cheat – or conversely, that they don’t do things that make you want to cheat – a blameless objective would be to trust one another again and experience organically derived intimacy.

• Financial stress is one of the top relationship stressors. If this is the case, an ideal goal could be, for instance, that you both adhere to a budget and lifestyle that leaves each partner satisfied and fulfilled.  

Key Takeaways for Couples 

Be patient: Remember that our deeply entrenched thoughts and behaviors do not change overnight, and it takes time to alter such patterns in ways that translate to definitively positive outcomes.  

Stay focused: Being as specific as possible in the challenges your relationship faces (all while staying blameless!) will also help you find the perfect fit of a therapist.  

Consider different therapeutic approaches: Research the types of therapy that you and your partner would benefit from. One approach that is particularly useful for couples is emotion-based therapy, which can help partners better understand their emotional responses and those of their significant other.  

Find therapists with particular areas of expertise:  You may also want to search for a therapist with experience and credentials working with the specific issues your relationship is struggling with, whether that is substance abuse, infidelity or a particular mental health condition.  

 Once you’ve identified some of these traits and attributes, use online search tools such as GoodTherapy to find the perfect fit.  

 

 

Not to be dramatic, but some of us are the “chosen ones” in our family. We are the ones who have been chosen to take the challenging (and perhaps less traveled) path towards healthy mental and emotional wellbeing. If you find that you are experiencing emotional discomfort, that you are challenging some of your default thinking, that there is an increased awareness of wanting to do things differently, you just may be chosen.

When my son was about four years old, I called him from the other room. Instead of responding promptly, and running towards me to address my need at that moment, he took his time to stroll into the living room where I was sitting. The visceral reaction was immediate. I felt my body tense up as I held my breath. Immediately, the thoughts that flooded my brain were “How dare he not respond more quickly? How dare he be disrespectful to his mother!” As I wrestled with my thoughts and feelings sitting there on the couch, I recognized that I had inherited the same authoritarian lens that my parents had with me as a child. And as a child, I did not have permission to “lolligag” or to put my needs above others, especially not my parents.

It is in these moments that we recognize a need to heal, and a need to change. To be fair to our parents, and to our parents’ parents, they were doing the best that they could with the tools that they had at their disposal. However, there are many times in which the ways of thinking and behaving have been passed on, and it is up to us to make the necessary changes for a healthy generational future (whether or not you have children).

Keep in mind that as a part of the healing journey, we recognize that we only have control over our own behaviors and we do not have the ability to change others. We can only hope that through our own changes, we inspire others to join in starting their own healing journey. Here are a few ways in which your therapist can help you heal some intergenerational wounds.

1. Develop an Understanding of Your Family of Origin.

Your therapist will take a culturally sensitive approach to get a sense of your family’s history. They will aim to recognize the impact of historical and cultural factors on family dynamics.

2. Shed feelings of Shame that are rooted in Stigma

We recognize that some of what keeps generational issues cyclical is the reluctance to acknowledge and address issues that are rooted in shame. Your therapist will provide a safe space, allowing for the validation of your and your family’s experiences.

3. Celebrate Strengths & Resilience

Despite dysfunctions, traumas and wounds, you are a product of strengths and resilience that has emerged through generations. Your therapist will help you tap into and celebrate those strengths, recognizing that some of these skills may or may not serve you as you move forward.

4. Validate Experiences while fostering Forgiveness.

A key part of healing requires forgiveness – to our past selves who had to survive unhealthy environments, and to family members who may have caused harm. In therapy, your therapist will validate your emotions while letting go through forgiveness.

5. Develop Self-Compassion.

Healing is not a destination, but a journey. And in order for us to be successful, we must develop room for self-compassion. Your therapist will challenge some of the harmful thinking patterns and help you replace them with loving and compassionate self-talk.

Using online directories, you can find therapists who are equipped to address some of these intergenerational issues. Therapists who have had cultural competency training or with trauma backgrounds may be a good fit. Ultimately, it may be best to schedule a consultation call with a potential therapist so that you can assess if there is a good connection so that you feel comfortable diving into the sometimes challenging road to healing.