Remember when we called it the information superhighway? That is what it was, back when the internet first showed up. The deal felt simple: you logged on, looked things up, learned something, and left. Now, the feed can reach past your willpower and into your social media nervous system response before you even realize what happened.
Doomscrolling
Vicarious trauma
Attention boundaries
In this blog
And then something happened.
The superhighway became a supermarket. Everything is for sale now. The cost is not just money. It can be your emotional energy, your time, your relationships, your sanity, your regulation, and your ability to sit in a quiet room for five minutes without reaching for the glowing rectangle in your pocket.
Let us talk about what happened, why it matters, why it is not your fault, and what it can look like to get your ground back.
Key insight
The problem is not that you are weak. A social media nervous system response often begins because the feed is designed to bypass reflection and keep the body on alert.
Two Different Harms, One Nervous System
When we talk about “media,” we usually mash together two very different things your body has to deal with.
There is a clinical name for what can happen when we are exposed to suffering that is not ours over and over: vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress. In a study on media-induced secondary trauma during the COVID-19 pandemic, Lamba et al. (2023) explored how repeated media exposure can affect mental health during collective crises. This used to be something we talked about mostly with therapists, nurses, and first responders. Now, thanks to smartphones, many more people are exposed to other people’s pain again and again.
Both streams, the addictive and the disturbing, move through the same nervous system. That is the part most people miss.
Your Body Does Not Know It Is Just a Phone
Your nervous system was built for real threats. The kind that show up, get handled, and go away. It does not know what TikTok is. It cannot tell the difference between a bear and a shaky video of a bombing. It cannot tell the difference between friends laughing at your joke and bots boosting a stranger’s comment section.
It reacts to what it sees. Every time.
Heart rate up. Chest tight. Breath shallow. Cortisol dumping. That is supposed to happen briefly: burst, resolve, safety. But scrolling breaks that rhythm. Threat, threat, threat. Comparison, comparison, comparison. No resolution. No off switch. No “it is over now.”
Your body may think you are still in the woods with the bear, hours after you put the phone down.
And the research keeps piling up:
- A systematic review and meta-analysis found that problematic social media use is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress in adolescents and young adults (Shannon et al., 2022).
- A meta-analysis linked use of social networking sites with self-reported depressive symptoms, with particular concerns around passive or comparison-based use (Vahedi & Zannella, 2021).
- The World Health Organization reported that problematic social media use among teens rose from 7% in 2018 to 11% in 2022, alongside lower overall well-being (WHO, 2024).
- Excessive screen time has been discussed in relation to changes in brain structure, sleep disruption, attention, and stress regulation (Stanford Lifestyle Medicine, 2024).
So no, it is not just you. It is not only in your head. A social media nervous system response can show up in the body, and it is measurable in sleep, attention, mood, and tension.
A grounded way to think about trauma exposure
If distressing content keeps following you into sleep, relationships, work, or your body, it may help to learn more about how trauma can shape nervous system responses.
What It Looks Like When It Is Wearing You Down
The harm builds slowly. That is why most people do not connect the dots. They just notice something is off.
See if any of this lands:
A quick self-check
- Sleep that does not feel like rest, even when you get eight hours.
- A low hum of worry that eases the second you pick up your phone and comes right back when you put it down.
- Things that used to bring joy feel oddly flat.
- You cannot sit with your own thoughts for more than a minute without reaching for something.
- Cycles of anger and guilt leave you drained.
- Bitterness creeps into places it did not used to live.
- Comparison makes your actual life feel smaller than it is.
- Tension gathers somewhere in your body: jaw, shoulders, stomach, chest.
If a few of those hit, you are not broken. You are a person responding the way a person is supposed to respond to a world you were never built to absorb at this speed.
Change the Design, Not Just the Behavior
Here is the trap. People try to use willpower against apps built to get past willpower.
Guess who wins that fight.
The move is not to try harder. It is to change the design.
When self-kindness helps the reset stick
A feed boundary works better when it is not fueled by shame. If your inner critic gets loud, this GoodTherapy article on self-compassion and the inner critic may be a useful companion.
Try this now: 5-4-3-2-1
Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
This does not erase the content you saw. It helps your body locate the present moment, which is the only place safety can register.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First
There is a reason flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before helping the person next to you. A person who has run out of air cannot help anyone else breathe.
Research on caregivers points to a similar reality. Compassion fatigue and burnout are serious concerns among health care professionals, and ongoing research continues to examine how overexposure to distress and depleted regulation can affect people who care for others (Capobianco dos Santos et al., 2025).
Stepping back from media is not selfish. It is not giving up either. It is what lets you stay connected to the people and causes you love without becoming a casualty of the feed.
Support can make the pattern easier to change
If social media nervous system stress is affecting your sleep, relationships, or sense of safety, you can find a therapist through GoodTherapy and talk through what is happening without shame. If you are unsure where to start, GoodTherapy’s guide to finding the right therapist can help you think through fit.
What Comes Back
People who try this often notice the same thing. The first week is weird. Quieter than expected. Sometimes a little lonely. You may pick up your phone out of habit and put it back down. That is not relapse. That is recalibration.
Then something shifts. Sleep gets deeper. Thoughts come back online. Creativity sneaks in. Conversations go longer. The body settles into a kind of safety it had not felt in a long time.
You do not have to throw your phone in the ocean. You just have to stop letting it think for you. Your attention is one of the most valuable things you have. You are allowed to protect it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about feed stress, body cues, and getting help.
References
| Capobianco dos Santos, C. G., Santos Neto, M. F., Carvalho, S. R. P. V. T., Furlani, M. R., Martins, C. C., Santos, E. R., Menezes, J. D. S., Silva, M. Q., Santos, L. L., Molina, T. C., Castro, N. A. A. S. R., Cristóvão, H., Santos Júnior, R., Brienze, V. M. S., Lima, A. R. A., Fucuta, P. D., Vaz-Oliani, D., Domingos, N. A., Miyazaki, M. C., . . . André, J. C. (2025). Compassion fatigue and burnout among health care professionals: Protocol for a scoping review. JMIR Research Protocols, 14, e66360. https://doi.org/10.2196/66360 | |
| Lamba, N., Khokhlova, O., Bhatia, A., & McHugh, C. (2023). Mental health hygiene during a health crisis: Exploring factors associated with media-induced secondary trauma in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic. Health Psychology Open, 10(2). doi: 10.1177/20551029231199578 | |
| Shannon, H., Bush, K., Villeneuve, P. J., Hellemans, K. G. C., & Guimond, S. (2022). Problematic social media use in adolescents and young adults: Systematic review and meta-analysis. JMIR Mental Health, 9(4), e33450. https://doi.org/10.2196/33450 | |
| Stanford Lifestyle Medicine. (2024). What excessive screen time does to the adult brain. | |
| Vahedi, Z., & Zannella, L. (2021). The association between self-reported depressive symptoms and the use of social networking sites (SNS): A meta-analysis. Current Psychology, 40(5), 2174-2189. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-019-0150-6 | |
| World Health Organization. (2024). Teens, screens and mental health. |
Protecting Your Attention Is Care
If your feed keeps leaving your body on alert, support can help you sort through what is being activated and what needs to change.
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About the Author Griffin OakleyMSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC Griffin Oakley, MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC, is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, CPTSD, attachment, and identity work. His work focuses on helping adults make sense of overwhelming inner experiences with more steadiness, self-understanding, and practical support. He provides telehealth therapy to adults throughout Florida through Curious Mind Counseling, where he supports clients navigating trauma recovery, nervous system stress, and relationship patterns. |
Posttraumatic stress (PTSD) can develop following any exposure to trauma—including trauma another person experienced. A military spouse may get PTSD after learning about or otherwise being exposed to trauma their partner faced. This is sometimes called vicarious trauma or secondary trauma.
How Do Military Spouses Get Traumatized?
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a person doesn’t have to directly experience trauma to develop PTSD. Witnessing someone else’s trauma, learning a loved one was hurt, or repeatedly hearing details about a traumatic event can also cause PTSD.
A military spouse might develop PTSD stemming from their partner’s trauma by:
- Repeatedly listening to their partner’s traumatic stories.
- Witnessing gruesome military combat on television, either during or after a partner’s deployment.
- Feeling unable to escape the trauma their partner continually relives.
Some military spouses also develop PTSD due to their own military-related trauma. Depending on the mission, a spouse may not be able to locate or talk to their deployed partner. They may spend months or years terrified about their partner’s well-being. This fear can be compounded by graphic media coverage.
Military spouses who experience symptoms of PTSD should know that military combat is not the only reason people develop posttraumatic stress. PTSD symptoms may be related to another trauma, such as a car accident, sexual assault, or child abuse.
A 2011 study followed 170 female military spouses who reported symptoms of PTSD. Researchers asked about the women’s experiences of stress and trauma and found:
- 12.9% of wives attributed their symptoms solely to a spouse’s deployment-related trauma.
- Most wives (62.4%) said their distress was wholly unrelated to a partner’s military service.
- 24.7% said their distress was due to a combination of their partner’s military service and other factors.
For people who have already experienced trauma, exposure to a loved one’s trauma may re-trigger the previous trauma.
How Common Is PTSD Among Military Family Members?
PTSD is a common experience. According to the National Institutes of Health, about 7.7 million Americans have PTSD at any given time. The 2011 study above found 21.6% of military wives qualified for a PTSD diagnosis.
Whether or not a military spouse develops PTSD depends on multiple factors, including:
- Previous and ongoing trauma: For instance, a sexual assault survivor may be more likely to develop PTSD, or to re-experience trauma, in response to a spouse’s trauma.
- Support system: A person may become socially isolated as they await the return of their loved one. Someone with little social support and few coping skills may be more likely to struggle.
- Overall mental health: A person who is already struggling with mental health issues may be more likely to develop PTSD.
Children can also be affected by a parent’s military experiences. Children who develop secondary trauma may have nightmares, unusual fears, or increased irritability. Trauma can also shift the way children relate to one or both parents. The likelihood of a child developing PTSD depends on their age, gender, and general family functioning.
Military Spouses and Compassion Fatigue
Military spouses who act as caregivers for their loved ones can experience compassion fatigue. Over time, the demands of continually caring for someone can deplete empathy. A spouse might begin feeling resentful instead of compassionate. Compassion fatigue can harm the relationship, and it may lead to worsening symptoms of PTSD in one or both spouses.
Trauma is not a contest…Everyone affected by PTSD needs and deserves help.Support from expert caregivers, such as therapists and doctors, can be crucial. Regular breaks from the demands of caregiving can also be important. A person who intends to provide all the care their loved one needs, without any assistance, is much more vulnerable to compassion fatigue.
Romantic relationships are an important outlet for many people. Spouses often rely on one another for emotional support, freely venting and seeking empathy. When a partner is struggling with serious mental health symptoms, they may be less able to provide comfort. This change deprives the caregiving partner of an important source of emotional support during a time when they need it most.
Therapy can help partners manage the effects of PTSD on a relationship. With the right therapist, military spouses can stop feeling like caregivers and begin feeling like partners again. Therapy can also help the care recipient feel understood and supported. A couple may find the process of navigating trauma together deepens their relationship in the long run.
Self-Care for Military Spouses
As a military spouse, you may feel guilty for struggling with your own trauma. You may believe you cannot have PTSD if you didn’t experience combat. Or you may recognize your symptoms but hide your distress because your spouse “had it much worse.â€
Trauma is not a contest. You might face unique stressors that your partner does not. It doesn’t matter who has it worse or who has suffered more. Everyone affected by PTSD needs and deserves help.
Some self-care strategies that can help military spouses cope include:
- Limiting exposure to triggering media, such as war movies or graphic news stories.
- Taking frequent breaks from caregiving. No one can provide 24/7 care with no support. Schedule time to do things that make you feel good several times a week.
- Talking to loved ones about your own struggles and trauma.
- Joining a support group for military spouses.
- Getting plenty of exercise. Exercise can help with depression, trauma, and anxiety.
- Getting adequate sleep.
Military spouses who struggle with secondary PTSD can find much relief in therapy. Therapy helps you understand how your partner’s trauma affects you. It may also help you identify traumatic experiences in your own life that play a role in your PTSD. Therapy can be a supportive place to discuss your feelings without judgment. The right therapist can help you make healthy lifestyle changes and boost your resilience.
PTSD isn’t just for soldiers. You don’t have to suffer alone. You can find a therapist who can help you manage secondary trauma here.
References:
- Cook, C. R., Slater-Williams, A. A., & Harrison, L. R. (2012). Secondary PTSD in children of service members: Strategies for helping professionals [PDF]. In VISTAS (Article 6). Retrieved from https://www.counseling.org/resources/library/VISTAS/vistas12/Article_6.pdf
- How to deal with stress as a caregiver. (2018, March 21.) Military OneSource. Retrieved from https://www.militaryonesource.mil/-/how-to-deal-with-stress-as-a-caregiver
- Renshaw, K. D., Allen, E. S., Rhoades, G. K., Blais, R. K., Markman, H. J., & Stanley, S. M. (2011). Distress in spouses of service members with symptoms of combat-related PTSD: Secondary traumatic stress or general psychological distress? Journal of Family Psychology,25(4), 461-469. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3156850
- PTSD: A growing epidemic. (2009). NIH Medline Plus, 4(1), 10-14. Retrieved from https://medlineplus.gov/magazine/issues/winter09/articles/winter09pg10-14.html
- Yehuda, R., Hoge, C. W., McFarlane, A. C., Vermetten, E., Lanius, R. A., Nievergelt, C. M., . . . Hyman, S. E. (2015, October 8). Post-traumatic stress disorder. Nature Reviews Disease Primers, 1. Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/nrdp201557/tables/1
The influence of trauma in mental and chemical health treatment is getting more and more attention.
When we hear the word “trauma,†we tend to think of events that lead to death or injury. These events might include sexual violence, accidents, war crimes, and/or natural disasters. This is an accurate description of trauma. It also fulfills the criteria for a diagnosis of posttraumatic stress (PTSD).
But the transmission of the effects of trauma may be far broader and more complicated. Thus, it is important that the intricacies of trauma-related symptoms within interpersonal or systemic contexts continue to gain recognition. When we, as therapists and other helping professionals, increase our awareness of trauma and its varied symptoms, we can better serve people seeking our help.
How Is Trauma Defined in the DSM?
The fifth and newest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders broadened the definition of trauma to include direct or indirect recurring exposure to traumatic events. The broadened definition refers to two types of trauma.
- Complex trauma, which is the result of repetitive, prolonged trauma that occurs in interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic. This type of trauma might include neglect or abuse from a caregiver, for example.
- Vicarious or secondary trauma may be defined as indirect exposure to trauma firsthand or through narratives of the event. In other words, this type of trauma is often experienced by helping professionals such as therapists.
Symptom criteria in the DSM-5 for a PTSD diagnosis includes four categories beyond trauma exposure.
- Intrusive symptoms, such as flashbacks or distressing memories
- Avoidance symptoms, including avoidance of internal or external reminders
- Negative alterations in mood or cognition. In other words, a person might have a persistent negative emotional state or negative beliefs about the self or the world.
- Hyperarousal symptoms, such as anger, reckless behavior, or difficulty concentrating
If some symptoms are present and interfere with typical function, but not all symptom criteria is met, a diagnosis of Other or Unspecified Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorder may be given.
How Can a Broader Diagnostic Definition Help?
Exploration of trauma helps broaden the diagnostic definition. Recent findings in neuroscience may also be relevant to the understanding of the contextual factors in interpersonal traumas. Research has found that social exclusion and rejection are mediated by the same aspects as our physical pain system.
Human physiology does not differentiate between social and physical pain. Trauma-related symptoms may result when someone feels threatened or experiences physical harm or injury, either directly or indirectly. But experiences of social exclusion or rejection are likely to result in the same symptoms.
Transgenerational or Intergenerational Trauma
First identified in the 1960s, this type of trauma describes the symptoms experienced by descendants of Holocaust survivors. It occurs when trauma symptoms are present within generations of the same family, beyond the generation of the person who experienced the trauma. This particular trauma may also be present in the context of immigration-related traumas.
Research suggests symptoms may be transmitted to later generations when a parent’s unresolved grief, depression, anxiety, and/or other symptoms interfere with the ability to establish healthy or secure attachment with their children and consistently meet the emotional needs of their children.
Historical Trauma
This type of trauma also involves a subjective reexperiencing and recollection of traumatic events by an individual or a community over multiple generations. The term has origins in the 1980s and is based on the studied traumas of the colonization, relocation, and assimilation of the Native Americans.
The experience of historical trauma is absorbed into the cultural memory of the group, flowing from generation to generation. This is similar to the way non-traumatic aspects of the culture regenerate. Traumatic stress may be altered in each generation as members continue to witness the effects of trauma on previous generations. As a result, each successive generation may begin to exhibit unique symptoms of trauma.
Racial Trauma
In 2001, the U.S. Surgeon General identified racial trauma as the attributing factor to ethnic and racial disparities. This type of trauma considers the symptoms that may result when a person experiences racism. Some forms of race-based trauma include:
Trauma-related symptoms may result when someone feels threatened or experiences physical harm or injury, either directly or indirectly. But experiences of social exclusion or rejection are likely to result in the same symptoms.
- Experiencing and/or witnessing racial harassment
- Ethnoviolence
- Microaggressions
- Institutional racism
- The constant threat of racial or ethnic discrimination
Research indicates that the more subtle forms of racism lead to constant vigilance, or a kind of “cultural paranoia,†which may serve as a defense mechanism. Experiences of racism may be subtle, but the culmination of these types of race-based trauma often result in traumatization.
Systemic Trauma
In spite of the above knowledge of the many contexts of traumatic experiences, many socially relevant forms of trauma are not always considered traumatic, even by mental health care providers. This shows the relevance of systemic, or institutional, trauma.
Also known as institutional trauma or betrayal, this type of trauma is defined as the institutional action and inaction that can worsen the impact of traumatic experience. Systemic trauma regards the contextual features that give rise to, maintain, and impact trauma-related responses. There are parallels between the interpersonal and institutional trauma. These include factors of trust and dependency, as well as a lack of sustained awareness across contexts.
How Can We Improve Trauma Treatment?
As trauma professionals, it is necessary to acknowledge the above and incorporate systemic approaches in order to better assess, diagnose, and treat trauma. For instance, I ask you to consider an African-American whose current lived experience includes transgenerational trauma, historical trauma, racial trauma, and systemic trauma. Their trauma-related symptoms, such as anger or distrust, may then be interpreted by others—including those in power—as character flaws. This only heightens the trauma response, on every level.
It can be challenging to expand our paradigms of trauma. A broadened conceptual framework is necessary, both scientifically and ethically. This perspective extends the conceptualizations of trauma to consider the influence of environments beyond the person themselves. These might include the following:
- Schools and universities
- Churches and other religious institutions
- The military
- Workplace settings
- Hospitals, jails, and prisons
- Agencies and systems such as police, foster care, immigration, federal assistance, disaster management, and the media
- Conflicts involving war, torture, terrorism, and refugees
- Dynamics of racism, sexism, discrimination, bullying, and homophobia
- Issues pertaining to conceptualizations, measurement, methodology, teaching, and intervention.
When we consider all these factors, we can provide more specialized treatment to people seeking trauma treatment. Above all, we must remember that context matters.
References:
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
- Carter, R. T. (2006, December 1). Race-based traumatic stress. Psychiatric Times, 23(14). Retrieved from http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/cultural-psychiatry/race-based-traumatic-stress
- Goldsmith, R. E., Martin, C. G., & Smith, C. P. (2014, March 11). Systemic trauma. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 15(2), 117-132.
- MacDonald, G., & Leary, M. R. (2005). Why does social exclusion hurt? The relationship between social and physical pain. Psychological Bulletin, 131(2), 202-223.
- Phipps, R. M., & Degges-White, S. (2014, July 1). A new look at transgenerational trauma transmission: Second-generation Latino immigrant youth. Journal of Multicultural Counseling & Development, 42(3), 174-187.
- Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). Institutional betrayal. American Psychologist, 69(6), 575-587.
- Williams, M. T., & Leins, C. (2016). Race-based trauma: The challenge and promise of MDMA-Assisted psychotherapy. Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) Bulletin, 26, 32-37.