Amid recent political shifts and a charged cultural climate, many women in America are grappling with uncertainty about their place in society. This sense of unease has fueled interest in South Korea’s 4B movement—a bold stance advocating for no sex, no dating, no marriage, and no children with men. As a collective response, the 4B movement is a powerful challenge to entrenched systems, demanding accountability from men and policymakers alike.  

As a therapist, I would encourage you to consider if this movement can offer something even more profound: an invitation to pause and reflect. Rather than adopting a prescribed set of rules, consider this an opportunity for personal inquiry. What do you truly need? Where do your boundaries begin and end? Which choices bring a sense of meaning, joy, or liberation to your life? By shifting the focus inward, the “4 No’s” evolve from a manifesto into a pathway for self-discovery and autonomy. This is not about rejecting men—it’s about reclaiming yourself. 

What does this look like on a personal level?  

Can you embrace one, two, or even three of these “No’s”? Yes, of course you can. Take a moment of quiet reflection and ask yourself: Would I like to step away from certain dynamics or activities with men? If so, what drives that desire—or resistance?  

I often ask my clients to explore the motivations behind their choices. Now, I invite you to do the same. If you feel drawn to pause or abstain from particular engagements with men, consider the deeper “why.” An internal motivation—one rooted in self-discovery rather than external validation—is far more likely to guide you toward meaningful change. Picture someone saying: “I’m choosing the 4B approach for now, to reconnect with myself, to consciously shift my focus away from men, and to prioritize a passion I’ve long sidelined in relationships.” This decision is deliberate, grounded, and entirely within their control. It’s not about deprivation; it’s about intention. And it opens the door to growth, curiosity, and possibility. 

On the other hand, if the motivation is external—“If I withhold sex, my partner (or men) will behave better,” or “I want my partner (or men) to finally understand how I feel”—we may be on shaky ground. Relying on others to respond or react in the way we wish is unpredictable at best. We have little control over what another person will think, feel, or learn from our choices. True empowerment often begins by looking inward, defining our own needs, and setting a course for personal fulfillment that doesn’t hinge on anyone else’s understanding or validation. Let’s explore some considerations for each of the “No’s.” 

No Sex 

In my practice, I have heard more stories of unwanted advances, inappropriate comments, and assaults than I can count. I also frequently hear real-life accounts of the “orgasm gap”—a stark disparity in sexual satisfaction, often at women’s expense. This gap refers to the difference in orgasm frequency between men and women, and it’s not difficult to understand why many women are reevaluating or even abstaining from sex with men. For some, they may have yet to fully understand their own bodies or how to achieve pleasure on their own terms. Others carry cultural narratives about sex that position it as an act oriented around male pleasure. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard clients ask, “Isn’t sex over when he’s finished?” 

For some women, a time of exploration—whether through masturbation, watching erotic films, engaging with women, or attending live performances—can become a space to learn what they truly desire. For others, a period of celibacy may be a valuable path to regain agency over their sexuality. Whatever form this self-exploration takes, it’s essential to step back and ask, “What role does sex play in my life? How do I want my relationship with sex to feel moving forward?” 

This process may lead to boundaries around sex that truly honor your needs—perhaps deciding to wait until the 7th, 10th, or even 30th date, or holding off until after marriage. Or perhaps it’s exploring sexual compatibility very early on. Maybe it’s reestablishing intimacy with your current partner in new, creative, and connected ways. Whatever you choose, let it be a choice rooted in your values and needs, not a reaction to the desires of others. This is what it means to claim your own empowerment. 

No Dating and No Marriage (Dating and marriage are explorations of a partnership on a continuum and for that reason we will address them together. ) 

In my practice, single women frequently tell me they are content with their lives, and if a man is to join, he must enhance it in a meaningful way. A neutral presence simply won’t suffice, and anyone who detracts from their well-being is out of the question. Increasingly, women find it challenging to meet extraordinary men, leading many to choose remaining single as the more rewarding option. 

By delaying or abstaining from serious relationships, women have a unique window to be fully attuned to their desires, with no pressure to consider the wants, needs, or feelings of others. A solo period can allow a woman to delve into the core of who they are and envision a life shaped solely by their own values, aspirations, and passions. It is a period of freedom and self-affirmation, a choice to cultivate the self before becoming involved with others. 

As women age, they have often had the experience of serious partnerships or marriage and they may choose to pause or abstain from new relationships for numerous reasons. Their life experience has given them a clearer sense of what they truly want in a partner, yet post-partnership, staying single often becomes a powerful period of healing and self-discovery. Free from relational demands, they are embracing new hobbies and pursuits—dance, tennis, ceramics, or self-defense classes. Without a partner, they find themselves with more time and space to explore deeply fulfilling interests. 

Midlife and beyond (earlier if you are lucky!) financial stability and social connections often reinforce a woman’s independence. The idea of a male partner becomes a consideration only if he adds exceptional value. This solo space is, for many, an opportunity to nurture fulfilling friendships, family bonds, and roles like auntie or godmother, creating a rich life anchored in relationships that truly matter. 

No Children with Men 

Women’s desire to have children is often heavily rooted in culture, whether that’s family culture or the pressures of the larger society in which they reside. When embracing this “No” women may be rejecting the role of mother in order to distance themselves from the disrespect that they perceive men have for the role. In patriarchal societies, such as South Korea where the 4B movement came to be, women’s roles are clearly defined and not in the most pleasant of ways—subservience, domestic labor and exclusion from power are some of the common expectations. In the United States, this experience is more subtle, and though some of those expectations exist, women have decidedly more freedom as of this writing.  

Choosing to delay or even forgo motherhood in the U.S. can open the door to uninterrupted professional growth, providing a unique advantage in a workforce still largely shaped around male career trajectories. The time and space freed up by not having children allows women to prioritize advanced education, career development, and personal ambitions—paths that can be challenging to pursue while managing the demands of family life.  

In essence, this choice means you are your priority—not your children, not your partner, just you. For many women, this is not only a path to success but also a profound act of self-investment and agency. 

I already have a partner and children. How do I participate? 

Many women ask me, “How can I stand in solidarity while living a life that already includes a partner and children?” Their question reflects a deep desire—to connect with other women, to honor their own growth, and to explore new possibilities without unraveling the lives they’ve built. 

The truth is, solidarity doesn’t have to mean starting over. It can mean carving out space for yourself within the life you already have. Ask yourself: What do I need to feel more connected to my own aspirations? How can I cultivate a sense of belonging with other women, while nurturing my personal evolution? 

When you have a male partner or children at home, your participation in this movement may look markedly different. You may not have the space or desire to end a partnership or fundamentally alter how you participate as a parent, but you may not be entirely happy with the way dynamics currently play out in your home. At its core, the 4B movement is about setting boundaries.  

For women with male partners or children, participating in this movement will likely start by defining and asserting those boundaries within their existing relationships. Is your sex life mutually satisfying? Do you evenly split child and home responsibilities? How about the simple act of claiming time for yourself. Or recalibrating the emotional labor of your relationship or the mental load of your home. It’s not about rejecting what you’ve created—it’s about expanding within it, finding room for the you that is still unfolding. 

How do I maximize my personal growth? 

The 4B movement is about reclaiming agency—decentering men from one’s life, not out of rejection, but as an empowering choice to cultivate autonomy, fulfillment, and self-determination.  

As you explore which “No’s” serve you, and which do not, I would encourage you to explore timelines—how long might you embrace your “No”? After a major breakup, for example, it might feel right to abstain from dating, sex, or relationships for a full year. Or perhaps a few months is enough to rediscover yourself. Perhaps you’ve been single for a while and you want to stay in that space with more intention. Whatever your circumstance, the right timeline for you is deeply personal. 

Consider using some tenants of the SMART framework—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely—to guide your approach. Select one, two, or more “No’s” that truly speak to you. Define what each means to you and how it will serve you, keeping it both intentional and realistic. Then, set a timeline that feels right—knowing you can adjust it as you go. In the most positive iteration, your engagement with the 4B movement will allow you to create space, honor your needs and reclaim your narrative on your own terms. Honor yourself and channel your rage into creating your most fulfilling life.  

Please remember to honor your female friends in whatever choices they make—whether it’s embracing all four “No’s,” just one, or none at all. Supporting each other is essential and regardless of our differing paths, let’s not turn on one another. Standing together—in support, in connection, in love—is the most powerful thing we can do. 

  

 

The Change: Menopause and Mental Health 

As women age, it’s only a matter of time before menopause sets in. Since every person is unique, the timing of menopause varies from one person to the next. But, generally speaking, menopause affects women, transgender men, and some nonbinary individuals in their late 40s and early 50s. 

While menopause is a completely natural process, individuals can feel its effects quite differently. For example, some people going through menopause might feel nothing much out of the ordinary while others might feel anxiety and depression. In extreme cases, some women going through menopause can experience a condition called menopausal psychosis.  

But before we examine the different phases of menopause and how menopause and mental health tie together, let’s take a step back and take a deeper look at what menopause entails. 

What Is Menopause? 

Menopause is the process of transitioning from a fertile individual who can get pregnant to an infertile individual who can no longer give birth. When an individual passes menopause, they become post-menopausal, i.e., someone who hasn’t had a period in at least one year. 

As women endure this process, they may experience a number of medical symptoms as the ovaries stop producing as much estrogen and progesterone. Some of these symptoms include hot flashes, vaginal dryness, weight gain, insomnia, and mood swings.  

As a result, many women going through menopause also lose quite a bit of their sex drive. 

Going Through Menopause: The Phases 

Generally speaking, there are three distinct phases of menopause: 

1. Perimenopause starts when women begin to become less fertile and the body stops producing as much estrogen and progesterone. At this stage, a woman might start having irregular periods.
2. Menopause occurs when a woman hasn’t had a period in at least 12 months. On average, this occurs between the ages of 45 and 55.
3. Postmenopause is the final phase of the process and describes women, transgendered men, and nonbinary individuals who have gone through menopause. Due to a lack of hormone production, women at this stage are more likely to develop conditions like heart disease and osteoporosis. 

Now that you have a better idea of the process menopausal woman go through, let’s turn our attention to some of the signs that might indicate someone is experiencing menopause. 

What Are the Symptoms of Menopause? 

The most common symptom of menopause is hot flashes, which affect as many as 70 percent of those going through the process. These sudden overwhelming feelings of heat can last as long as 10 minutes. 

Here are some additional symptoms menopausal people may experience: 

• Vaginal dryness, which causes discomfort during sex and contributes to a decreased sexual appetite 
• Incontinence, with women having to go to the bathroom more frequently and potentially leaking small amounts of urine when laughing or sneezing 
• Slower metabolism, making it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it 
• Reduced bone density, which can lead to osteoporosis and broken bones 

On top of these physical symptoms, women may also experience mental health problems. In addition to insomnia and mood swings, some women may also encounter memory issues and have shortened attention spans. 

What’s more, some women may also become very anxious during menopause. After all, this is a major life transition; not everyone is willing to easily accept that they’ve arrived at this moment in their lives. Unfortunately, research suggests that women with anxiety can exacerbate the symptoms of menopause. 

Further, women going through menopause are more likely to experience depression. In fact, one recent study found that 60 percent of perimenopausal and menopausal women were experiencing anxiety, 60 percent were experiencing depression, and 80 percent had brain fog. According to Harvard, women are twice as likely to become depressed during menopause. 

What Is Menopausal Psychosis? 

While 60 percent of women experience mild menopausal symptoms, 20 percent experience no symptoms at all. The remain 20 percent, however, experience menopause moderately to severely, which may lead to other problems and require professional help. 

For example, some women going through menopause may develop a condition called menopausal psychosis. Women who’ve been diagnosed as schizophrenic are perhaps most likely to see a resurgence of that condition. Should they find themselves developing menopausal psychosis, women would be wise to enlist the services of a therapist to help them navigate these choppy waters. 

While society has long held that women going through menopause tend to be overly emotional, the science increasingly points in the other direction: that there is a major correlation between menopause and mental health, and that this is a major transition that has a massive impact on the body and mind. In fact, studies show that women endure the same kind of rapid hormonal shifts as they undergo during puberty.  

For these reasons, it’s important for menopausal women to recognize the severity of the process and learn what they can do to decrease the chances that menopause causes serious mental health problems for them. 

How Menopausal Women Can Deal with The Changes 

While there’s nothing women can do to prevent the process of menopause from happening, there are some tactics they can employ to reduce the severity of the symptoms they might experience during the journey: 

1. Pay attention to your diet.

Research suggests that caffeine, alcohol, and spicy foods can all trigger hot flashes. To reduce the likelihood and severity of hot flashes, women going through menopause are advised to avoid these three substances as much as they can. 

2. Get your exercise.

Menopausal women can also benefit from doing various kinds of exercise. For example, kegel exercises, i.e., pelvic-floor exercises, can help women develop stronger pelvic muscles, which gives them more control over their bladders. Further, research suggests that women who practice yoga can lessen their stress and improve their mood, which can decrease the chances they’re affected by depression and anxiety. 

3. Use lubrication for sex.

When women experience vaginal dryness, sex can become painful, causing libidos to decrease substantially. If a menopausal woman is in the mood for sex, she should consider using over-the-counter lubricants to make the act more pleasurable.  

In addition to these options, menopausal women — and particularly those who are having a very difficult time dealing with the condition — should strongly consider looking for a therapist to work through the issue.  

The right therapist will be able to help you navigate this trying period and help you overcome things like body image issues, stress, and grief while helping you improve your self-esteem and conquer sleeplessness and depression. 

Ready to begin working through the problems related to menopause? Start your search for a therapist today.