I have no statistical or empirical studies, just hundreds of cases I have experienced as a therapist where technology has and continues to affect relationships and the mental health of those who partake in it.  Our society is bombarded daily with ads for the latest smartphone.  Advertising depicts consumers using their cell phones for everything but calling people. In today’s generation, you have to text someone before you can have the audacity to call them without permission.  It’s almost impossible to purchase anything without having to take a picture of a QR code to get any information.  Then there is AI, Artificial Intelligence, prompting me every time I write an email, text, or letter to change what I’ve written because a robot can do a better job, and I have a Master’s Degree.  

No wonder, psychiatry.org reports in 2024, 43% of adults say they feel more anxious than they did the previous year, up from 37% in 2023 and 32% in 2022. Adults are particularly anxious about current events (70%) — especially the economy (77%), the 2024 U.S. election (73%), and gun violence (69%). (I did use technology to research these statistics).   

Relationships  

Couples that I treat complain their partner is constantly on their phone.  Go to any restaurant and you’ll see couples on a date night on their phones texting someone else besides their partner. Or scrolling through senseless videos of dogs jumping up and down. Then they go home and sit on separate ends of the couch getting ready for work the next day answering emails. What does this have to do with mental health? The couple is not communicating and the important household chores that have to get done get pushed to the side, increasing the levels of stress, loneliness, boredom, and depression.  

Instant Gratification 

In my practice, I treat betrayal trauma due to infidelity.  Treatment involves building trust back between partners.  One of my suggestions is to stay in touch more often during the day.  Take the case of William and Mary. Mary is a stay-at-home mom while William is the production manager of a local manufacturing plant. William is a busy guy, never knowing when some piece of equipment is going to go down and stop production.  But he promised Mary, he would call her periodically during the day. One day, Mary texts William because she hasn’t heard from him in the past 15 minutes.  William is having a crisis at work and can’t stop and text or call every 15 minutes. But Mary doesn’t agree.  “Why can’t you just text me that you don’t have time to text me?” 

We live in an instant gratification world and it’s all the smartphone’s fault. Partners complain if you don’t call me or text me back within five minutes, you must be fooling around with someone else.  We’re so used to getting information instantly on our phones that we forget people are busy at work and aren’t available 24/7/365.  Those that make themselves available 24/7 eventually burn out holding on to so much anger catering to everyone else’s timetable.  

Pornography 

According to Fight the New Drug.org, “most kids today are exposed to porn by age 13. 84.4% of males and 57% of females ages 14-18 have viewed porn. At least 1 in 3 porn videos show sexual violence or aggression. 53% of boys and 39% of girls believe pornography is a realistic depiction of sex. Yet, porn consumers tend to be less satisfied in relationships, less committed, and more permissive of cheating.” 

Think about this in terms of relationships. William’s porn use has escalated in recent years.  What used to be exciting is now boring, so he searches for something more stimulating, more taboo, or weirder, sometimes falling into illegal child porn. He spends so much time looking at porn that he loses interest in being intimate with his wife.  Studies show that hours of porn use and masturbation limit a man’s ability to perform sexually.   

William falls asleep one night after looking at hours of porn and Mary gets up, looks at his phone, and discovers hundreds of porn videos in his browser.  Then she checks his texts and sees he’s been sexting with several women, telling each one he loves them, just to keep the fantasy romance going. Mary is in shock, traumatized by the betrayal of the one person in the world she trusted most intimately.  Her world has fallen apart and she questions her sanity, asking, who is this person I married? 

Mary confronts William and William denies everything. He resents the fact that Mary keeps asking him all of these questions.  After all, all men look at porn and he’s not hurting anybody by just looking. “At least I’m not having a physical affair with anyone!” 

Mary questions herself.  Why does he have to look at those women when he has me?  I, Mary must not be as pretty, sexy, or lovable as those girls he’s looking at or sexing with. Because if I was, he wouldn’t need to look at all that filth or text other women.  What’s wrong with me, she asks? 

This scenario plays itself out daily in my office.  Whether you call it out-of-control sexual behavior or porn addiction, the pain caused by this use of technology is gut-wrenching for both partners.  The betraying partner is full of guilt, shame, and remorse once he sees what damage it has done to his partner.  The betrayed partner is so traumatized she cannot think straight, sleep well, or function to her full potential. My job as a therapist is just beginning, repairing the damage, building trust, and explaining the difference between addiction and choice.  

Technology has its advantages and disadvantages.  For some people who get hooked on the obsessive, compulsive aspects of technology, life can be a slippery slope of time wasted, poor communication, lack of intimacy, and a life of fantasy versus reality.  

 

Loving someone with mental health challenges can be a journey filled with moments of connection, but it also presents unique challenges. As a partner, you can be a source of stability and comfort, but it’s equally important to nurture yourself along the way. Below are practical steps to strengthen both your relationship and your well-being as you support your loved one.  

Learn and Educate Yourself 

Understanding your partner’s mental health condition is crucial in offering genuine support. When you know what they’re going through, you can be more empathetic and less likely to take symptoms personally. 

For example, if your partner has depression, you might read articles, watch videos, or attend a workshop on the condition. You’ll learn that depression isn’t just “feeling sad” but can cause physical exhaustion and lack of motivation. This knowledge will help you to not feel hurt if they decline activities they used to enjoy, such as going out for dinner or socializing. 

 Communicate Openly and Listen 

Creating a safe space for your loved one to express themselves can be one of the most supportive things you can do. Let them share their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes they don’t need a solution; they just need to feel heard. 

For example, if your partner struggles with anxiety and mentions feeling overwhelmed by social events, instead of saying, “You’ll be fine” or “Don’t worry about it,” you could say, “I hear that this is really stressful for you. What do you think might help ease your anxiety in those situations?” This invites them to explore their feelings while knowing you’re there for them.  

Encourage Professional Help 

While your emotional support is invaluable, it’s important to recognize the role of mental health professionals in your partner’s recovery. Gently encourage them to seek therapy or counseling, without being pushy. 

For example, if your partner experiences panic attacks, you could say, “I want to support you in the best way possible, and I wonder if a therapist might have some tools that could really help with the panic attacks. I can help you find one if you’d like.” Offering assistance in finding a therapist can make the process feel less daunting for them.  

Set Healthy Boundaries 

Boundaries are essential in any relationship, but they are especially important when one partner is struggling with mental health challenges. Healthy boundaries ensure that you can offer support without feeling emotionally depleted. 

For example, if your partner tends to lean on you for emotional reassurance during their struggles with anxiety, it’s okay to set boundaries. You might say, “I’m here for you, but I also need some time for myself today. Can we talk for 15 minutes, and then maybe you could journal or use one of the relaxation techniques we’ve discussed?”  

Take Care of Yourself 

Caring for someone with mental health challenges can be exhausting if you don’t take time to recharge. Prioritizing your own self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential for sustaining your ability to be a supportive partner. 

For example, if you start feeling emotionally drained after several tough days, schedule some time to do something just for yourself. This could be an evening walk, a yoga class, or spending time with friends. You might say to your partner, “I’ve had a tough week and need a little time for myself. I’m going to meet with friends tonight, but I’ll be back and available to talk later if you need.” 

Be Patient 

Mental health recovery can be a long, winding road, and it’s important to remember that progress often comes in waves. There will be good days and bad days. Patience—both with your partner and with yourself—is crucial in maintaining a balanced relationship. 

For example, if your partner has bipolar disorder, they might go through phases of elevated mood (mania) and depressive episodes. In moments of mania, they may appear full of energy, only to feel deeply depressed days later. Instead of getting frustrated by these shifts, remind yourself that these mood changes are part of the condition and not a reflection of your relationship. You might say, “I understand that you’re going through a tough time, and I’m here with you through all of it.” 

Strengthen Your Relationship 

It’s easy to focus on the challenges mental health issues bring, but it’s equally important to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for the things that bring you joy and help strengthen your bond. Balance the serious conversations with light-hearted moments.  

For example, if your partner is struggling with depression, plan an activity that doesn’t require much energy but brings joy to both of you—like watching a favorite movie together or taking a quiet walk. You might say, “I know things have been hard, but I’d love to spend some time together watching that show we both love. Let’s make it a cozy night in.” 

Reach Out for Support 

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of relief and understanding. Sharing your own feelings can help you feel less isolated and remind you that it’s okay to lean on others.  

For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s mental health challenges, consider joining a support group for partners of people with mental illness. You might also talk to a close friend, saying, “I love my partner, but it’s been hard lately. I just need someone to talk to about how I’m feeling.” Being honest with those around you about your struggles can bring comfort and perspective. 

 In conclusion, supporting a loved one with mental health challenges is a delicate balance of empathy, patience, and self-care. By educating yourself, communicating openly, and encouraging professional help, you can create a supportive environment where both you and your partner can thrive. Just remember, your well-being is just as important as theirs, and taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to offer sustained support. 

In the demands of productivity and high stress at work, it can be difficult to find time to support your mental health needs.  Busy workdays filled with back-to-back meetings, managing difficult work dynamics, the lack of time for self-care, or pushing through your day without taking a break, may be part of the norm.  This can impact you because your work environment can be a place where you spend the majority of your time.  You may find that there are relational dynamics that come up with coworkers, bosses, or within your own process.  Maybe you have been successfully able to compartmentalize these dynamics and move on with your work day. Maybe you have found that the emotional pull is so strong that you cannot avoid the feelings that come up.    

When you feel anxious or overwhelmed at work, it may be challenging to find time for your own mental health needs, especially when the expectation is to keep engaged and productive.  Even so, it is important to find time within those demands to take care of your own mental health. Here are some strategies that can be helpful.   

Practice Self-Care 

The concept of “self-care” sometimes has the association with being unattainable or connected to the idea that it has to be done in a specific or idealized way.  I view self-care as a practice and intention.  The idea is to create a space in your life that feels good and where you have some ease.  I hold the view that self-care can include, but isn’t only limited to, activities such as doing yoga, meditation, exercise, or healthy eating.  Sometimes self-care looks like immersing yourself in a good TV series or a movie, to allow your mind to distract from the problems of today. Sometimes it is taking a step out of a meeting or during your workday to check in with yourself. Going to get water, going to the restroom, or even looking outside the window of your office, could be forms of self-care. The idea is to take care of your- self.   What works for someone else may not work for you.  Holding yourself with compassion that you matter and having grace for yourself can be an important step in self-care.   

Work Identity and Time Outside of Work 

Your career can be a big part of who you are as a person. There are many things that make up your identity. Work can be a place where you feel grounded and secure. When things do not go well at work, that sense of identity may be under question and you may find yourself wondering who you are.  Your work self is a part of you, albeit an important part. Remembering that there are other parts of you as well can help you to have another source of identity.    

Think about aspects of your work identity that you value and feel rooted in.  You can explore this by spending time thinking about why you feel this way and the positive aspects of this.  Then consider what other parts of your identity do you wish you had time for? Finding the other parts of you that might need expression and space could allow you to feel more balanced.  Think about aspects that you might have felt connected to in the past. Maybe you have painted in the past or you enjoy dancing or singing. Maybe you enjoy writing or going for walks. Does socializing help you feel more connected to your sense of self or do you prefer quiet time to reflect? Even the thought of what you could do outside of your work role could be an interesting exploration.  

Remember You Are Human 

We can’t do everything all the time.  We all have limits.  When the work demands are high, it can feel impossible to get it all done.  Pushing forward while feeling overwhelmed is difficult.  We can only do things one thing at a time, even when there are ten things that are due.   

It can be helpful to explore some questions: How do you know when you feel overwhelmed? Do you ask for help? How much do you take on? What are some indications that you need an emotional break?  What are some things that help you to feel good, supported, and valued?   Do you push beyond those limits or are you able to take a step back and regroup?  How do you react when you are less than perfect? How do you motivate yourself? What standards do you hold yourself to? How do you honor and recognize your own humanness?   

Taking Time to Reflect 

Professional relationships in the workplace can have an impact on your work experience and your mental health.  There might be dynamics in these relationships that make it difficult to be engaged in your job.  It can be helpful when you feel the pull towards taking action or the pull to be reactive, to instead turn towards yourself and to remain curious about your experience without immediately acting on those feelings.  One suggestion is to be curious as to why you feel as you do, while still acknowledging the impact that the other person or situation may have had on you.  It might be a completely legitimate response to the situation; however, the emphasis is to remain curious about your response.  This practice may give you the insight into how to support yourself within these relationships.   

On the other hand, you may have work relationships that feel supportive and uplifting.  These relationships may have supported you in being resilient and give you the encouragement you needed to persevere.  Reflecting on those attuned relationships may positively impact your mental health.  

How Therapy Can Help 

When you are at work, you may find few opportunities to express your emotional side or to process the interpersonal dynamics that come up. The work environment is typically a space where thinking (intellectualization) is highly valued. Giving yourself permission to have a set time every week to freely discuss your feelings and how things are impacting you can give you space for your own emotional and interpersonal needs.  Often when we are in a situation, it is difficult to see it clearly.  Seeking out a therapist who is trained, skilled, and compassionate can help to create a safe space to allow yourself to be seen and understood. 
  

This blog is for general information purposes only. It is not meant for a substitution for medical or mental health advice or treatment. Please see a licensed professional for medical or mental health advice and/or recommendations specific to your needs.  

 

When someone we care about is struggling with mental health challenges, it can be both heart-wrenching and confusing. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition, offering effective support requires understanding, patience, and empathy. As a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how crucial the support of loved ones can be in the journey towards mental well-being. I’ve also seen what a toll it can take on the loved one extending the support. Let’s discuss some guidelines to help you navigate this important role with compassion and effectiveness. 

Educate Yourself 

The first step in providing support is to educate yourself about your loved one’s specific mental health condition. Understanding the symptoms, treatment options, and potential challenges can help you offer informed support. There are many reputable (not TikTok!) and reliable resources available, including books, articles, and mental health organizations. Knowledge will not only help you empathize better but also allow you to engage in meaningful conversations about their condition. Once you have a solid grounding in education, don’t forget to be curious about the individual. Just because many people exhibit a particular symptom of a disorder, doesn’t necessarily mean that your sister does, and yet, she may still qualify for the diagnosis. Marry fact and individuality when developing your own understanding of your loved one’s condition. 

Listen Actively and Offer Emotional Support 

Active listening involves giving your full attention, acknowledging someone’s feelings, and refraining from offering unsolicited advice or solutions (unsolicited advice can be a form of criticism). Be mindful of validating their experiences which may help them to feel understood and supported. Sometimes, just being present and providing a safe space for your loved one to express themselves can make a significant difference. Other times, it might be helpful for you to reflect back to them what you hear they are experiencing. An example might be, “Gosh, it sounds like you felt really anxious when your boss entered the room.” If this is correct, your loved one will tell you so, and if it is not, they will tell you that, too. Either way, it creates an opportunity to increase understanding and to allow them to feel heard and supported without judgment. Do not minimize their feelings or tell them to “snap out of it.” Instead, let them know that you’re there for them regardless of what they are going through. Simple statements such as “I’m here for you” can go a long way. 

Encourage Professional Help (for them and you!) 

While your support is invaluable, professional help is often essential for managing mental health conditions effectively. Encourage your loved one to seek individual or group therapy if they haven’t already (maybe both!). Offer to help them find a mental health professional or accompany them to appointments and wait in the waiting room. Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

Supporting someone with mental health challenges can also take a toll on your own emotional health. Prioritize self-care and seek support for yourself if needed. You too, can benefit from individual or group therapy. Remember to continue engaging in activities that rejuvenate you and help you maintain your own mental health while providing support to your loved one.

Be patient (but also set boundaries!)

Recovery (or stabilization) related to a mental health challenge can be a slow and non-linear process. It’s important to be patient and avoid putting pressure on your loved one to “get better” quickly. Respect their pace and understand that setbacks can occur. Remember to be mindful of not enabling unhealthy behaviors. Support should encourage positive changes and self-care rather than perpetuate patterns that may hinder recovery. It’s a delicate balance to strike, but aim to be encouraging and supportive while promoting healthy behavior and self-sufficiency.  

Supporting someone with mental health challenges can be emotionally taxing. It’s crucial to set healthy boundaries to maintain your own well-being and to allow the other person to know clearly, and in advance, what you will, and will not, do. Boundaries are a kindness and setting them doesn’t mean you care any less; rather, it ensures that you’re in a better position to offer consistent support. Your ongoing patience and support can provide them with the stability they need to continue their journey toward wellness.  

Create a Supportive Environment and Offer Practical Assistance

Create a supportive environment by fostering open communication, expressing empathy, and demonstrating unconditional love. Encourage your loved one to engage in activities that promote mental well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and social interactions, while respecting their boundaries and readiness. 

Sometimes, practical assistance can be as important as emotional support. This might include helping with daily tasks, providing transportation, or assisting with meal preparation. Small gestures of help can alleviate some of the stress and enable your loved one to focus on their mental health. 

Conclusion 

Supporting a loved one through mental health challenges is a profound act of care and compassion. By educating yourself, listening actively, encouraging professional help, and maintaining healthy boundaries, you can play a crucial role in their journey toward better mental health. Remember, your support can make a significant difference, but it’s also essential to take care of yourself along the way. Together, with patience and understanding, you and your loved one can navigate this challenging journey toward healing and well-being. 

If you find yourself needing additional guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional for support and advice.